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PETE
Thank you lord for our blessings,
the health of my daughters, my wife
and the new addition to our family,
Ben. Lord, you’re stretching it,
but we’ll make it work. Amen.
VICTORIA
I’m no culinary artist, but
sweetheart you’re picking.
JULIA
Haven’t had much of an appetite
lately, must be work, stress.
BEN
Which would explain the headaches.
JULIA
Ben. I’m fine. Mom, Dad,
seriously. I’m okay.
OLIVIA
7 percent of the presents are
yours, Ben. I did the math. Much
better haul than the last
boyfriend.
BEN
I’m just happy to be here.
PETE
I think I said the same thing to
Victoria’s father 35 years ago.
VICTORIA
Don’t exaggerate, Pete, you’ve only
said two words to my father, and
they were the same two words every
year until he died. Yes. And Sir.
7.
PETE
Honey, please. I’m trying to be
imposing and fatherly. And I was
succeeding quite admirably. Right
Ben?
BEN
Yes. Sir.
BEN
I think I’ll take the couch.
JULIA
You know I lost my virginity on
this bed.
BEN
I’ll be sure to mention that to
your father.
JULIA
Turn the lights off and come lay
with me. I want to show you
something.
Holding her hand out. He flips off the light and lays down
next to her. Ceiling glows with hundreds of little stars.
JULIA (cont’d)
All the major constellations.
Orion, Cassio Pia. I spent weeks
getting them exactly right. (beat)
I would lay here at night, imagine
myself soaring through space,
discovering new worlds, new
civilizations, the Louis and Clark
of the modern era.
BEN
You know how much I care about you?
JULIA
This is Ben’s first real Christmas.
OLIVIA
FIRST. REAL. CHRISTMAS?
JULIA
Not everyone is as lucky as you.
BEN
85 percent of the world’s
population doesn’t celebrate
Christmas. I did the math.
PETE
Ben.
PETE (cont’d)
My father gave it to me when I was
16. Hand made leather. 1940’s
craftsmanship. Should be in a
museum.
BEN
I don’t know what to say.
PETE
Welcome to the family.
JULIA
Yeah, well. Hastings called it
raw, emotional, and amateurishly
written. Apparently I’m all heart
and no bite.
BEN
Hastings is a fascist.
JULIA
He had the copy editor go through
with a thesaurus and add big words.
BEN
Exiguous, pretentious, and a waste
of god damn time.
JULIA
Your command of the English
language gets me so hot. Speaking
of which. You finish your vows?
BEN
Vows? Hmmmm. Didn’t get the memo.
JULIA
Wedding is in less than a month.
I’m only suggesting.
BEN
Sounded like an order, mam. (off
her look) Soon. Promise.
JULIA
This is me leaving.
BEN
This is me kissing you goodbye.