Miss Dial

MISS DIAL
written by
David H. Steinberg
Iron Triangle Productions, Inc. WHITE PAGES - 8/23/10

477 Hillside Lane BLUE PAGES - 11/11/10
Santa Monica, CA 90402 PINK PAGES - 12/1/10
(310) 454-7946 YELLOW PAGES - 1/2/11
GREEN PAGES - 1/9/11
No portion of this script may be performed, reproduced, or used by

any means, or quoted or published in any medium, without the prior
written consent of Iron Triangle Productions, Inc.
© 2011, Iron Triangle Productions, Inc. All rights reserved.

FADE IN:
1 OMITTED 1
2 INT. ERICA'S APARTMENT - DAY 2
ERICA DAWSON is an attractive woman sitting in her sweatpants
at her desk in her small apartment. She's wearing a headset
and reading from a script on her laptop computer screen.
ERICA
Welcome to CPI Consumer Affairs, my
name is Erica, which one of our
fabulous products are you calling
about today?
SOUP CALLER (V.O.)
I just opened a can of your tomato
soup and there is a big fat rat
turd right in the middle of the
soup.
ERICA
Well, I am very sorry to hear that,
sir. I can help you with that
today. But first, I just need to
verify a few things...
Erica is not the least bit fazed by discussing rat poop--
she's dealt with a lot worse.
ERICA (CONT'D)
First, are you sure the foreign
particle in question is a rat
dropping? While rare, sometimes
bits of meat can contaminate our
vegetarian soup products--
3 INT. SOUP CALLER'S APARTMENT - DAY 3
The soup complainer sits at the kitchen table in front of a
bowl of tomato soup.
SOUP CALLER
It's a rat turd. Do you want me to
send it to you? You want to eat it
and see if it's a stray piece of
prime rib? Or do you want to go
ahead and trust me that there is in
fact rodent shit in my soup?
GREEN PAGES - 1/9/11 2.
INTERCUT:
Erica smiles, amused, but keeps to the script:
ERICA
That won't be necessary. There is
no need to preserve the soup in
question. You can go ahead and
dispose of it and I can send you a
coupon for a free replacement can
of soup. How does that sound?
SOUP CALLER
That sounds pretty goddamn weak.
Rats caused the plague you know. I
could sue you--
ERICA
That won't be necessary, sir, and
I'm sorry for your inconvenience.
She taps something else into her computer and reads the
response.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Because of your extreme
circumstances, I can offer you a
coupon for a dozen cans of soup,
one each month for a year. Would
that be satisfactory?
The guy thinks it over. He's calmed down.
SOUP CALLER
Yeah, I guess so. Fine. Whatever.
ERICA
Great. Let me just take down your
information and we can get that
right out to you.
Erica's expression belies her chipper voice. This is not a
long-term career choice for her.
3A OMITTED 3A
4A - Erica fields another call. 4A
LIGHTBULB CALLER (V.O.)

I heard there's mercury in these
light bulbs.
ERICA
There is a trace amount of mercury
used in the manufacture of our
compact fluorescent bulbs but there
is no danger to consumers. Is your
bulb damaged or broken?
4B REVEAL the lightbulb complainer is a beefy shirtless man. We 4B
can't see what's going on below his waist and he's just
staring blankly forward.
LIGHTBULB CALLER
I don't think so.
A beat, then he shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
5 - Another call. 5
ERICA
...which one of our fabulous
products are you calling about
today?
GLUE CALLER (V.O.)
The, um, crazy glue.
5A REVEAL the woman's finger is glued up her nose. 5A
6 - Another... 6
MICROWAVE CALLER
The popcorn setting keeps burning
my popcorn.
6A ERICA 6A
I can help you with that. But
first, I need to ask you a few
questions. Did you remove the
popcorn bag from the plastic
wrapper?
Oops.
MICROWAVE CALLER
I need to call you back.
7 - Another... 7
TOILET BOWL CALLER
Is the toilet bowl cleaner safe for
animals?
7A ERICA 7A
Excuse me?
TOILET BOWL CALLER
My dog keeps drinking the blue
water and I think it's making him
sick. He's foaming at the mouth.
8 - Quick cuts of complainers: 8
8A PICKLE CALLER 8A
In my day you could buy a whole
barrel of pickles for a nickel!
8B FROZEN PIZZA CALLER 8B
This is not as good as delivery
pizza--
8C MAKE-UP CALLER 8C
How do I know if the make-up is
working?
(This woman's face is made up like a Saigon whore.)
8D TV CALLER 8D
This TV gets the same channels as
my old TV.
9 - Even quicker cuts... 9
ERICA
Which one of our fabulous products
are you calling about today?
9A CAR WAX CALLER 9A
Car wax--
9B SHOP VAC CALLER 9B
The 18 volt shop vac--
9C BAGEL BITES CALLER 9C
Bagel bites--
9D PLANT FOOD CALLER 9D
Plant food--
9E HEMORRHOIDS CREAM CALLER 9E
Hemorrhoids--
9F DVD PLAYER CALLER 9F
The DVD player--
10 - Then... 10
ERICA
Which one of our fabulous products
are you calling about today?
10A POLITICAL NUTCASE 10A
All of them! CPI is working with
the Trilateral Commission to
brainwash the American public with
your frozen foods and your TV's and
your foot creams so no one
questions the international
monetary fund's takeover of our
civil liberties.
ERICA
I can help you with that.
11 INT. ERICA'S APARTMENT - LATER 11
Just then, her cell phone rings. Erica pulls off her headset
and gets up from her desk. She presses a button on her
computer to go on break and answers her cell.
ERICA
Hey, hon. What's up?
12 INT. SAM'S BATHROOM - DAY 12
SAMANTHA GRAYSON, Erica's best friend.
SAM
Not much. What's going on with you?
SPLIT SCREEN:
Erica walks around her apartment.
ERICA
Some guy called me a whore today.
SAM
Wow, how did he know?
ERICA
Seems I'm also working with the
Rothchilds to do something to the
Vatican. Come to think of it, it
might have been Dan Brown.
SAM
Did you talk to him?
ERICA
Him who?
SAM
Him who. Him Alex.
ERICA
Not yet.
SAM
You have to confront him.
ERICA
It's not that simple.
SAM
Erica--
ERICA
I didn't see anything!
SAM
Sarah saw them together with her
own eyes!
ERICA
It could have been anything. Just
because they had lunch doesn't mean
they're sleeping together.
SAM
You poor dumb bastard.
ERICA
Okay, fine, so what am I supposed
to say? "How was your day? Oh, and
by the way, are you sleeping with
that skank Amanda?"
SAM
That works for me.
ERICA
You just don't like Alex because of
what he said about your butt.
SAM
That has nothing to do with it. And
by the way, I've never heard any
complaints about my ass before. Men
have eaten har gow off of this ass.
Beep.
ERICA
Look, it's my boss calling.
SAM
Talk to him. Don't wimp out. Be
strong.
ERICA
Okay, I'll call you later.
She clicks over and Sam's split screen is replaced by...
13 INT. MR. KOFFSKY'S OFFICE - DAY 13
MR. KOFFSKY
Erica, Donald Koffsky.
SPLIT SCREEN:
14 Erica looks nervous. 14
ERICA
Hi, Mr. Koffsky.
MR. KOFFSKY
My computer says you went offline.
ERICA
I'm taking a break.
MR. KOFFSKY
You're not scheduled for a break
for forty-five more minutes.
ERICA
I know. I had to go to the
bathroom. I think I ate some bad
nachos.
She winces at that bad impromptu lie.
MR. KOFFSKY
Yeah, more like you're hungover.
ERICA
No, Mr. Koffsky, honestly--
MR. KOFFSKY
Look, Erica, I don't have to tell
you we just let go of three more
consumer affair reps last week.
That means the people who still
have jobs have to pick up the
slack. More volume means less time
for breaks.
ERICA
I know. I'm sorry. I'll get back
online right now.
MR. KOFFSKY
Good. Because this is a tough
economy. A lot of people would kill
for your job.
ERICA
I know.
She presses a button on her computer.
ERICA (CONT'D)
See? I'm back online now.
MR. KOFFSKY
Then what are you doing talking to
me?
ERICA
Right.
She hangs up her cell and puts her headset back on. She goes
back to her desk and clicks a button.
ERICA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
about today?
Maybe not the most exciting job but at least it's safe.
15 INT. BLU-RAY CALLER'S HOUSE - LATER 15
The next complaint call.
BLU-RAY CALLER
I put the blu-ray disc in and then
nothing happens for like ten
minutes before it starts playing.
REVEAL Erica is on the toilet. She's memorized this speech:
ERICA
CPI's Blu-Ray players actually have
some of the best load times in the
industry but as Blu-Ray is a new
technology, advances are being made
every day to provide innovative new
features, interactive online play,
and improved disc access time.
BLU-RAY CALLER
So you're saying it's supposed to
suck?
Next call. Erica has a facial mask on, complete with cucumber
slices on the eyes.
ERICA
about today?
LAWNMOWER CALLER (V.O.)
Aaahhhh! The lawnmower! Aaahhh! It
cut off my toe!
Erica bolts upright and the cucumbers fall off.
ERICA
Sir, you need to hang up and call
911!
But this number, aahhh!, it's on
the lawnmower! Oh, God. The blood
is everywhere!
ERICA
Are you crazy?! How long have you
been waiting on hold?!
It hurts! It hurts so bad! I can't
feel anything in my foot!
ERICA
Listen to me! Hang up and call 911!
Suddenly, the guy starts laughing.
17A REVEAL it's a teenager on the line, recording the call with 17A
a
voice recorder.
LAWNMOWER CALLER
You been schooled, lady!
ERICA
Oh, get a life, you little shit.
She hangs up.
Next call. Erica is doing a crossword puzzle.
18A ENGLISH CALLER 18A
Why can't we get the Caribbean jerk
pizza in the U.K.? I mean, it's not
like it's made in the Caribbean, is
it?
ERICA
No, of course not. Our products are
being introduced into new markets
every day. Check back on our
website for availability in your
area.
Erica is painting her toenails.
19A CHICKEN NUGGETS CALLER 19A
I found a bone in the chicken
nuggets and it nearly broke my
tooth.
ERICA
I can help you with that.
Erica is playing Wii tennis.
ERICA
I am so sorry our product didn't
meet your expectations.
Her cell rings. She checks the caller ID. Not looking forward
to this call. Still...
ERICA (CONT'D)
I will get that coupon out to you
right away. Okay, have a great day.
Goodbye.
She pulls off her headset and picks up her cell phone.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Hey.
21 INT. ALEX'S OFFICE - DAY 21
ALEX SANTIAGO is a handsome guy and he knows it.
ALEX
Hey, where you been all day?
SPLIT SCREEN:
ERICA
Right here. Working.
ALEX
You coming over tonight?
ERICA
I don't know.
ALEX
What's wrong, baby?
ERICA
Look, I think we need to talk--
ALEX
Uh oh, here we go--
ERICA
No, it's not like that--
ALEX
What's the matter? I'm not tuning
in to your feelings again?
ERICA
No, it's not that. Look, it's
just... I don't know how to say
this...
ALEX
Can we cut to the chase here, babe?
ERICA
Okay, well, someone saw you with
that girl from your work. Amanda
something.
ALEX
Who saw me? Your friend Samantha
with the fat ass?
ERICA
No. It was someone else. It doesn't
matter. But she saw you having
lunch with Amanda--
ALEX
So now I'm not allowed to eat
lunch? With someone I work with?
ERICA
She said it looked suspicious--
ALEX
Are you kidding me? How exactly do
you eat lunch suspiciously? Please
educate me. Was I making a shifty
eye motion? Did a man in a
trenchcoat drop a briefcase at my
table?
ERICA
I think Sarah can tell the
difference between a business lunch
and... something more.
ALEX
Okay, you got me. Yes, I've been
boning Amanda and I thought that
afterwards we'd go have lunch in a
public place so everyone could see
me groping her tits. Did your
friend Sarah see all the used
condoms I left in the booth?
ERICA
Just tell me, are you cheating on
me?
ALEX
I thought you trusted me.
ERICA
Just tell me.
ALEX
I can't believe you need me to say
it.
ERICA
So the answer is no?
ALEX
Baby, I would never cheat on you.
You know that.
Erica is a jumble of emotions. She wants to believe him.

She's just not sure. Then...
ERICA
Okay.
ALEX
You know, I should be really mad at
you right now. Your friend Sam is a
real troublemaker.
ERICA
She's just looking out for me. Just
like your friends look out for you.
ALEX
No, she's a nosy bitch.
ERICA
She's my best friend.
ALEX
And I suppose as soon as I hang up
you're going to call her and tell
her I called her a bitch.
ERICA
No, I'm not.
ALEX
Okay, whatever. Look, I gotta jump.
Call me later.
And with that he hangs up.
Erica looks at the calls piling up on her computer. The
beeping is growing incessant.
But she ignores the calls and instead goes back to her cell
phone, dialing quickly.
ERICA
Okay, so he denied everything. Of
course. But I'm not sure anymore.
Maybe he's telling the truth. Is it
possible that the lunch was
innocent? I mean, Sarah didn't
really see anything incriminating,
did she?
A long pause.
Then:
23 INT. MIKE'S HOUSE - DAY 23

REVEAL she's talking to MIKE, a muscular guy in his early
20's.
MIKE
Hello? Who is this?
Erica turns red.
ERICA
Oops. I'm so sorry, I must have
misdialed.
She goes to hang up--
INTERCUT:
MIKE
Hold up. Wait a second. You can't
leave me hanging like that.
ERICA
Excuse me?
MIKE
Was the lunch really innocent? What
did Sarah see? I need details.
Erica laughs.
ERICA
I'm sorry-- It's just some stupid
thing--
MIKE
Where you calling from?
ERICA
L.A. You?
MIKE
Fayetteville, North Carolina.
ERICA
Seriously?
MIKE
Yes, ma'am.
ERICA
Wow, that's a pretty big misdial.
MIKE
So you're not going to tell me all
the sordid details?
ERICA
Maybe if I knew you better.
Erica laughs. She's just being polite.
MIKE
What do you want to know?
Erica is caught off guard by that. She thinks about it for a
moment. This is too weird. Should she?
What the hell. She smiles.
ERICA
Okay, well, first I'm going to need
to get some basic information...
DISSOLVE TO:
Erica is still on the phone with Mike. She's snuggled into
her couch with a blanket, listening intently.
SPLIT SCREEN:
26 MIKE 26
I'm coming back from my second tour
of duty. I'm a sergeant in the
Army. First battalion, five oh
eighth parachute infantry regiment.
ERICA
I have no idea what that means.
MIKE
We fight the bad guys.
ERICA
Yeah, okay, I got that part. So did
you ever kill anyone?
She laughs, like she's kidding around.
But you can tell by Mike's reaction, it's not a funny matter.
MIKE
Yeah, actually.
Erica turns white.
ERICA
I'm sorry. I didn't mean--
MIKE
No, it's all right.
Mike takes a deep breath.
MIKE (CONT'D)
This past July, my company was in
the village of Joikahr, Badghis
Province, when second platoon was
ambushed by Taliban militants.
ERICA
Holy shit.
MIKE
Yeah, that's what we said. We
fought our way out of the village
under heavy machine gun and RPG
fire for six hours, till we were
able to link up with the rest of
our battalion.
Erica is rapt.
ERICA
What happened?
MIKE
We counter-attacked from the east,
while Alpha Company attacked in
support from the west. We swept
across the enemy's flank,
completely overrunning them.
ERICA
Did anyone die?
MIKE
Yes, ma'am. We killed 33 militiamen
that day.
ERICA
Did you kill anyone personally?
Mike is cold as steel.
MIKE
Yes, ma'am.
ERICA
What about Americans? Did anyone on
our side die?
MIKE
No, ma'am.
(beat)
Not that day.
Erica is filled with emotion.
ERICA
That's amazing. I don't actually
know anyone in the military.
MIKE
Really? I don't hardly know anyone
who isn't.
ERICA
Well now you do.
MIKE
Yeah, I guess I do.
Erica hears her computer beeping at her.
ERICA
Listen, I'd better get back to
work.
MIKE
Well, it was nice talking to you.
You should misdial more often.
She laughs.
ERICA
Stay safe.
MIKE
Yes, ma'am. You, too.
And with that, they hang up.
Then she thinks about what Mike said for a second and it's
kind of overwhelming. She smiles and gets up.
Erica picks up a globe from the bookcase and spins it to the
Middle East. She squints to read the tiny writing.
As she studies the globe, she absent-mindedly puts the
headset back on, but the chipperness is gone from her voice:
ERICA
about today?
INTERCUT:
28 POPCORN CALLER 28
I'm calling about your microwave
popcorn.
Erica is just going through the motions. Her mind is
elsewhere.
ERICA
Great, so what seems to be the
problem?
POPCORN CALLER
Well, it's just a little confusing--
ERICA
Did you remember to take the bag
out of the plastic wrapper?
POPCORN CALLER
Yeah, that's not it. I'm just
trying to calculate the calories in
a bag of popcorn.
Erica isn't even looking anything up on her computer.
ERICA
Well, the nutritional information
is listed on the package--
POPCORN CALLER
Right, I know that. It's just it
says, "serving size, two
tablespoons unpopped, 110
calories." But then it also says,
"one cup popped, 20 calories."
ERICA
Right, most of the oil that goes
into popping the corn is not
consumed. It just remains in the
bag.
POPCORN CALLER
No, I got that. Here's my problem.
It says a serving size is two cups
of popped popcorn and that's 120
calories, and a bag makes six and a
half cups popped, but two
tablespoons is 110 calories and how
many servings are in a bag?
Erica just stares at the globe, tracing the country of Iraq
with her finger. Clearly, she's not paying attention.
ERICA
You know what? I am going to have
to transfer you to a supervisor on
this. I don't want to give you the
wrong answer here, so I think we'd
better get an expert on the line.
Please hold.
She pushes a button, takes off her headset, and rubs her
brow.
Erica puts the globe away back on the bookcase then goes back
to her desk to take the next call.
She looks over at her cell phone sitting on the couch.
She shakes her head to clear her mind.
She turns back to her computer. The calls are queueing up and
making a shrill beeping sound.
She turns back to her cell phone.
It's beckoning her.
The beeping grows louder and louder.
Erica is struggling to get back to work.
Then...
...she hits a button and MUTES her computer.
She takes off her headset, and like a kid playing hookey, she
goes over and picks up her cell phone.
And as she dials a random number, a smile creeps across her
face.
ERICA
Hello? Hi, my name is Erica and I'm
calling-- Hello?
She puts down the phone.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Jerk.
She dials another number.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Hi, my name is Erica, do you have a
second? I'm not selling anything.
Honestly, I'm not trying to get
anything from you.
30 EXT. OLD MAN'S HOUSE - DAY 30
An OLD MAN answers.
OLD MAN STRANGER
Okay, so why are you calling?
INTERCUT:
ERICA
I don't know really.
She thinks about that for a second. She's oddly emotional.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Actually, that's not true. Okay,
maybe this is going to sound weird,
but I'm calling just to talk to
someone.
OLD MAN STRANGER
You're not sitting in a bathtub
with slashed wrists, are you?
ERICA
No, but I took forty xanax...
She laughs.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Just kidding. No, I'm not suicidal.
I'm not even lonely. I'm just
trying to... I don't know...
"connect" with another human being.
Is that so wrong?
A beat. Then:
OLD MAN STRANGER

No. That's not wrong. In fact, we
used to do that all the time back
in my day. We used to call it
taking a chance.
She smiles.
ERICA
Yes! That's what I'm talking about!
Where are you from?
OLD MAN STRANGER
Born and raised in Brooklyn, New
York.
ERICA
You married?
OLD MAN STRANGER
Depends. What do you look like?
She laughs.
OLD MAN STRANGER (CONT'D)
Fifty-seven years. Five kids,
seventeen grandkids, and one great
grandkid, beats me at computer
bowling every time.
ERICA
Ooh, you play Wii bowling? I love
Wii bowling.
She's made another connection. She snuggles into a ball on
her couch and covers herself with a blanket, excited to be
starting another real conversation.
Erica's demeanor is completely different talking to these
strangers: she's moving around, full of life, and really
focusing on what they're saying.
In short, it's real.
ERICA
What really gets you jazzed? I
mean, there's got to be something
you just love love, you know what I
mean?
INTERCUT:
31A TEENAGE GIRL STRANGER 31A
I think I could be an artist. I
mean, more like an animator. I
really like to draw, like cartoons
and scenes and stuff, you know?
ERICA
Yes! You should do that. Do what
you love.
TEENAGE GIRL STRANGER
But what if, I don't know, I'm not
good enough?
ERICA
Yeah, but what if you are?
Erica sips a cup of tea, really trying to picture the person
she's talking to.
ERICA
What's the most embarrassing thing
that's ever happened to you?
INTERCUT:
32A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN STRANGER 32A
Well, I've never told anybody this
before...
Erica is eating popcorn.
CREEPY GUY STRANGER (V.O.)
So... what are you wearing?
34 INT. CREEPY GUY'S APARTMENT - DAY 34
REVEAL the guy is totally naked.
Erica puts down a handful of popcorn.
ERICA
Eww.
She hangs up.

Erica is back on the couch, cozy and warm. She talks with a
soft voice, one of concern.
ERICA
How often do you see them?
37 INT. MIDDLE AGED WOMAN'S HOUSE - DAY 37
A middle-aged woman sits alone in the kitchen.
LONELY STRANGER
Not that often. My son lives in
Omaha now and my daughter lives
with her husband in Tucson.
SPLIT SCREEN:
ERICA
Well, what about during the
Holidays? Do you get together then?
LONELY STRANGER
We used to. But Bob lost his job
last Spring and Amy's been working
two jobs to make ends meet. They
can't afford to take time off to
see me.
Erica is trying to problem-solve here.
ERICA
Well, maybe you can go see them. I
bet a train ticket to Omaha isn't
that much money.
LONELY STRANGER
No, it's not the money.
ERICA
'Cause I could help you out if it's
just a train ticket.
LONELY STRANGER
Oh, sweetie, that's very nice of
you. But the truth is, they've got
their lives now. I don't want to be
a burden. We talk on the phone.
That's plenty for me.
Erica isn't giving up. She wants to help.
ERICA
Really? Maybe you could surprise
them for Christmas--
LONELY STRANGER
No, no. It's all right. Besides,
I've got Henry, my Beardie.
ERICA
Well, it sounds like Henry is a
very lucky dog.
Erica is on the verge of tears.
38 SERIES OF SHOTS: 38
Erica is laughing, crying, excited, mad. The full range of
emotions. She's connecting with other people and it's a rush.
Erica is animated, pacing the apartment like a middle-school
girl talking to her girlfriend.
ERICA
I know! Like two people could even
fit in that dirty, disgusting
space.
A beep.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Hang on. Oh, shit. This is my boss.
Look, I gotta go. It was really
awesome talking to you. You have my
number. Let's talk again some time.
Great.
She hangs up, steels herself, then:
ERICA (CONT'D)
This is Erica. Yes, hi, Mr.
Koffsky.
SPLIT SCREEN:
40 INT. MR. KOFFSKY'S OFFICE - DAY 40
Mr. Koffsky looks annoyed.
MR. KOFFSKY
What's going on over there?
ERICA
What do you mean?
MR. KOFFSKY
Your queue is a mile long and
getting longer by the minute.
She quickly mutes her computer's beeping. Erica is still
scared of losing her job here.
ERICA
What? No, it's not. My screen is
showing no calls. It's been quiet
here. I was actually going to call
you to ask if the network was down.
MR. KOFFSKY
Oh, great. Are you serious? You're
not seeing all these calls?
She unmutes it.
ERICA
Nope. Oh, wait. There it goes. Now
it's back online. I think the
system was offline for some reason.
I see the calls now. Wow, you were
right.
MR. KOFFSKY
Okay, I guess it's not your fault.
I'm glad I called. If you think the
network is down again, call me
right away.
ERICA
You bet. Sorry about that. By the
way, I think the consumer affairs
manual is so dumb sometimes. I got
a call from this young girl
yesterday who wanted to know how to
use a tampon and the script said I
had to ask her if she was pregnant.
I mean, come on, who wrote this
manual?
MR. KOFFSKY
What are you talking about?
ERICA
Nothing. Sorry.
MR. KOFFSKY
Okay then.
He hangs up.

Erica goes back to her desk and puts her headset on.
The beeping computer is tormenting while across the room, her
cell phone silently beckons her.
She looks at the computer. Focuses. Ready to take a call.
Still... The strangers of the world need her.
She's addicted.
ERICA
One more, then back to work.
She whips off the headset, races across the room, and grabs
her cell phone with a big smile.
ERICA (CONT'D)
How about New York City.
She dials a number. It rings... then a voice:
KYLE (V.O.)
Hello?
ERICA
Hi, you don't know me but I'm not
selling anything. I'm not crazy and
this isn't a prank call. I'm just
calling around today, looking for
people to talk to. I'm not lonely
or suicidal. I'm just meeting new
people over the phone because it's
fun to connect with real people for
a change. Meet someone new. Maybe
make a friend.
A long pause as Erica waits to see if this is a connection or
a dud...
42 INT. KYLE'S APARTMENT - DAY 42
A man's back is to the camera. As he turns, we see that KYLE
McAVOY is a gorgeous guy, basically any girl's dream.
He considers Erica's pitch...
KYLE
What's your name?
SPLIT SCREEN:
Erica smiles.
ERICA
Erica.
KYLE
Kyle.
ERICA
So what do you want to talk about?
Most embarrassing secret? Childhood
memories? What's the most famous
movie you've never seen?
Kyle laughs.
KYLE
How long have you been doing this?
ERICA
Doing what?
KYLE
Calling people.
ERICA
I don't know. Couple hours. Why?
You think I'm crazy?
KYLE
No, I kind of think it's genius.
Erica smiles.
KYLE (CONT'D)
Tell me about you.
Erica flinches. No one has asked about her before.
ERICA
Me? What do you want to know?
KYLE
I don't know. What do you do?
ERICA
I'm in consumer affairs for CPI.
It's like customer service.
Actually, all the consumer affairs
reps are free-lance at CPI so
actually I just sit home all day
talking on the phone.
KYLE
Now it's all starting to make
sense.
She laughs.
KYLE (CONT'D)
So how does that work? The calls
just get routed to you on your
cell?
ERICA
No, there's this whole complicated
network. Everything goes through my
laptop and I have a headset.
KYLE
Oh, like the Time Life operator?
ERICA
How old are you?
KYLE
What? Those commercials aren't that
old.
ERICA
They're from like the 80's.
KYLE
You knew what I meant. Okay, so why
does someone call CPI consumer
affairs?
ERICA
Okay, so you ever notice on pretty
much every package for every
product in the world there's a
little number that says,
"Questions? Comments? Complaints?",
something like that and there's an
800 number? That's me. I get a call
and I ask what product they're
calling about and then my computer
takes me through a script to deal
with whatever question they have.
KYLE
Like what?
ERICA
I don't know. Like nutritional
information, complaints about
something not tasting right.
Questions about how to use things.
(MORE)
ERICA (CONT'D)
Sometimes it's just really dumb
people like this one time, I got a
lady who's literally asking how to
heat up her can of soup. I go
through the usual questions and
after like twenty minutes, I figure
out she's put the can in the pot.
KYLE
The actual can.
ERICA
Yes, I had to talk her through
turning off the stove and not to
touch the hot can till it cooled
down. That's why cans now say
"empty contents into saucepan."
KYLE
That's not a real story.
ERICA
Yes, it is! That totally happened!
KYLE
So I'm talking to THE "empty
contents" girl?
ERICA
That's me.
They laugh. A small pause. Then:
KYLE
So what do you do for fun?
ERICA
We don't have to talk about me.
Tell me about you.
KYLE
You don't like to talk about
yourself. That's rare.
ERICA
I don't mind talking about myself.
KYLE
But deep down you're more of a
listener.
Erica considers.
ERICA
I never really thought about that
before. Maybe you're right.
KYLE
Ah, but do you really like
listening to other people talk or
are you just too guarded to talk
about yourself?
ERICA
What, are you going to send me a
therapy bill when we're done here?
Just ask me whatever you want.
Kyle laughs.
KYLE
Okay, so tell me then, what do you
like. What makes you tick?
ERICA
You mean, is consumer affairs my
life's ambition? No. I like to do
lots of things--
KYLE
Like bungee jumping and spelunking?
ERICA
Well, no. More like watching
"Dancing with the Stars" and eating
ice cream.
KYLE
Oh, so you're a thrill seeker.
ERICA
I do exciting stuff, too!
KYLE
Like what?
ERICA
I don't know.
Sure, she said "ask me anything" but it doesn't mean she's
going to answer.
KYLE
Come on. What do you do that's
exciting?
ERICA
Lots of things!
KYLE
Like what?
ERICA
Like archery!
Erica feels liberated just admitting that small fact. Kyle
looks like he just won a tug of war.
KYLE
Okay, now we're getting somewhere.
ERICA
I was almost in the Olympics.
KYLE
Seriously? In Beijing?
ERICA
No. In Athens. 2004. I just missed
making the team by two points.
KYLE
Wow, that sucks. So did you try
again in 2008?
ERICA
Well, no. I mostly just did it in
college. After I graduated, I guess
it just took too much time to go to
the range.
KYLE
So you just gave up.
ERICA
You make it sound like I'm some
sort of quitter. Like I gave up on
my life's dream. It was just a
hobby.
KYLE
But you were good at it.
ERICA
Yeah.
KYLE
And you liked it.
ERICA
Yeah.
Erica looks a little sad. Kyle changes the subject.
KYLE
Do you have a boyfriend?
ERICA
I was wondering how long it would
take before you asked me that.
KYLE
Hey, I'm just connecting with
another human being here. If we
can't be honest with complete
strangers than who can we be honest
with?
ERICA
It's complicated.
KYLE
Ooh, now I'm interested.
ERICA
Yes, I have a boyfriend. But I
think he's cheating on me.
KYLE
Go on...
ERICA
Let's talk about something else.
KYLE
Don't know me well enough to talk
about your cheating boyfriend?
ERICA
Maybe cheating boyfriend and I
don't know you at all.
KYLE
Well, maybe we can change that.
Let's see... Star Wars.
ERICA
Star Wars what?
KYLE
That's the most famous movie I've
never seen.
ERICA
Are you kidding me? What is wrong
with you? Everyone's seen Star
Wars.
KYLE
Maybe I've just been waiting for
the right person to see it with.
ERICA
Wow, does that line actually work?
KYLE
Usually.
Beep.
ERICA
Look, I have to go. My queue is
beeping at me. I've got 39 calls
backed up and I'll probably get
fired when my boss figures out the
network isn't really down.
KYLE
Call me back?
ERICA
I don't know. There's a lot of
other strangers left on my list I
haven't gotten to yet.
KYLE
I've got your number on the caller
ID. Can I call you later?
Another moment of decision.
She's charting new territory here.
Erica smiles. She likes this guy.
ERICA
Okay.
And with that, she hangs up.
Erica is invigorated by the excitement of meeting someone
new. She gets up and stretches.
She goes to take a drink of water when her cell phone rings.
She sees who it is and picks it up.
SAM (V.O.)
What did he say?
ERICA
Who?
INTERCUT:
44 SAM 44
Hello? Alex! You said you were
calling me back after you talked to
him.
ERICA
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I forgot.
I tried to call you back but I
misdialed. I got a wrong number,
and well it's kind of a long story,
but I've been talking to strangers
all day.
SAM
Don't you do that every day?
ERICA
No. Well, yes. But these strangers
are people I call. I've been
meeting people over the phone.
SAM
What is wrong with you?
ERICA
It's actually kind of fun. I'm
having real conversations with
them.
SAM
Erica, focus. Did you or did you
not talk to Alex?
ERICA
Yes. I did. He said it was nothing
and that I was being paranoid. I'm
supposed to go over to his place
tonight.
SAM
Are you kidding me?
ERICA
He said that lunch was business
related.
SAM
Sarah saw them together. It wasn't
business related.
ERICA
Well, what did he do specifically?
I mean, did he kiss her?
SAM
Are you frigging kidding me? Are
you taking his side now?
ERICA
Well you're obviously biased
against Alex. You never liked him--
SAM
You think I've got some agenda
here? I'm your best friend. I'm
doing this so you can be happy.
ERICA
I know. I'm sorry.
SAM
You deserve someone great. You are
a fabulous human being. Alex has
never seen that and that's why I
don't like him. And that's why you
should dump his sorry flat ass.
ERICA
I know. You're right. It's just...
what if he is cheating? I dump him
and then what? Start dating again?
I just don't know if I can start
all over again.
SAM
I'd rather be alone than be with
someone who didn't love me.
ERICA
Yeah.
But Erica's not 100% sure about that one.
Beep. Her computer is still going crazy with backed up calls.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Listen, I've got to take care of
some of these calls. I'm seeing him
tonight. I'll see how it goes.
SAM
You better not sleep with him!
ERICA
No sex. Got it.
SAM
And you better call me afterwards.
ERICA
Okay, hon. Bye.
She hangs up with a smile.
But her mood quickly sours when she goes over to her desk and
puts on her headset.
She taps the computer and puts a call through to her headset.
ERICA (CONT'D)
about today?
45 EXT. CHEESE CALLER'S HOUSE - DAY 45
CHEESE CALLER
Yeah, hi, I'm just calling because
the shredded cheese I bought says
it's "limited edition cheddar."
INTERCUT:
45A ERICA 45A
That's right, our New York cheddar
shredded cheese is available for a
limited time.
CHEESE CALLER
But why? I mean, I really like it,
and it's not like I can stock up. I
mean, it's cheese. It's not going
to last forever.
ERICA
Let me check to see when the New
York cheddar is available until.
She checks her computer.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Good news, sir. The New York
cheddar is scheduled to be
available until May 2012.
CHEESE CALLER
And what happens after that? Can I
like petition CPI to continue
making the New York cheddar?
ERICA
Well, I can take down your
information and pass the word on to
the people who decide which cheeses
to make. If enough people call, I'm
sure they'll continue to make it.
CHEESE CALLER
Yeah, okay. I guess it's worth a
shot.
ERICA
Great, so let me get your
information. And we can also send
you a coupon for a free bag of New
York cheddar shredded cheese for
providing us with this valuable
feedback.
Erica looks over at her cell phone. Nothing. She returns to
her customer.
45B INT. ERICA'S APARTMENT - LATER 45B
ERICA
about today?
45C INT. LONG STORY WOMAN'S OFFICE - DAY 45C
A woman launches into:
LONG STORY CALLER
Okay, so here's what happened. I
was walking my dog Ricky and he had
the loose poops. Not like "hose it
down" loose, but still...
ERICA
Okay...
LONG STORY CALLER
And here's where it kind of went
south on me. I bent over to pick it
up but you know it's hard to get it
all when you're dealing with the
loose poops. Oh, and by the way,
I'm talking on my cell phone. I
forgot to mention that. I'm talking
to my friend Amy who is going off
on her sister--
GREEN PAGES - 1/9/11 37A.
ERICA
Ma'am, which product are you
calling about?
LONG STORY CALLER
I'm getting there. Okay, so forget
about Amy, the point is, I dropped
my phone in the poop. I know,
totally disgusting, right? But this
is a brand new phone. No way I'm
buying a new phone just because of
a little loose poops. So I picked
it up.
ERICA
With your hand?
LONG STORY CALLER
I used the poop bag, duh. So I go
home and I wash off the phone in
the sink. Good as new, right? Yeah,
except for a little sensor goes off
saying it's been in contact with
water, it won't work, my warranty
is void, some kind of bullshit.
ERICA
Ma'am, CPI doesn't manufacture cell
phones--
LONG STORY CALLER
Would you let me finish?
ERICA
Sorry, ma'am.
LONG STORY CALLER
I go to the cell phone store. I'm
pissed because the guy is telling
me there's no way they're fixing it
under warranty. Well, there's no
way I'm paying four hundred dollars
for a new phone.
ERICA
Ma'am, I really have to ask which
product you're calling about. We
have other callers waiting--
LONG STORY CALLER
Excuse me. Is this consumer
affairs?
GREEN PAGES - 1/9/11 37B.
ERICA
Yes, but--
LONG STORY CALLER
Well, I am a consumer and I have an
affair I would like your help with.
ERICA
Okay, I'm sorry--
LONG STORY CALLER
So if you could stop talking and
just listen, I will finish my
story.
ERICA
Right, sorry, ma'am.
LONG STORY CALLER
Anyway, I was so mad, I drove home,
and I guess I went through a red
light or something and the cop who
gave me a ticket said I had road
rage. Can you believe that shit? I
am like the calmest person I know.
So then he does this totally
illegal search and he finds some
prescription pills. I have a
legitimate prescription for my
anxiety, only problem is the
prescription is made out to Amy, so
I get hauled in jail. Can you
believe this? Anyway, long story
short, I need a lawyer or whatever
and I need to know if you can you
help me out here.
ERICA
Ma'am, what does any of this have
to do with CPI or its products?
The woman stares at the phone, like how could someone be so
dumb.
LONG STORY CALLER
Hello, it was your beef jerky that
gave Ricky the loose poops.
The woman rests her case.
Erica rubs her brow.
Erica checks her cell phone. No missed calls.
GREEN PAGES - 1/9/11 37C.
SERIES OF SHOTS:
Erica has a batch of cookie dough. As she handles her queue
of callers, the cookie dough is slowly consumed...
ERICA
No, none of our products contain
chlorofluorocarbons. CFC's were
banned in the U.S. in 1978.
ERICA (CONT'D)
No, I did not know that you could
use car wax for that purpose. I
will pass along your suggestion.
ERICA (CONT'D)
No, you cannot get swine flu from
our pepperoni products.
ERICA (CONT'D)
CPI changes the design of the box
from time to time. You like the
picture of the white lady eating
the cereal better. Okay, I will
pass on your comments.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Okay, then. We'll get that coupon
right out to you. Have a great day.
She pulls off her headset. The cookie dough is gone and Erica
feels sick.
She looks longingly at her cell phone. Still no call.
She stretches.
Then she walks out of frame. Finally, her cell rings. She
races back into frame and sees who it is.
Her face lights up. She answers.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Hey. I was wondering how long you
could go without talking to me.
47 INT. KYLE'S APARTMENT - DAY 47
Kyle is still drying his hair from the shower.
KYLE
I know. It's just... Look, I was
heading out to the gym when you
called before, and--
SPLIT SCREEN:
ERICA
Oh, I'm sorry. I've been wasting
your time--
KYLE
No, that's just it. After you hung
up I went to the gym like I planned
but I couldn't stop thinking about
you.
Erica lights up.
ERICA
Really?
KYLE
Yeah. How weird is that? I mean I
don't even know you but I'm on the
treadmill and I'm thinking, screw
this, I need to call Erica back.
Erica is beaming but she plays it cool.
ERICA
I have that effect on people.
KYLE
I guess you do.
ERICA
Okay, so... it's your dime. What do
you want to talk about now?
KYLE
"It's your dime"? How old are you?
ERICA
Ooh, touche. Okay, so you know
about my life in consumer affairs.
So what do you do for a living, and
please let it be something worse
than my job.
KYLE
Sorry to disappoint. I'm an EMT.
ERICA
Of course you are.
KYLE
What's that supposed to mean?
ERICA
EMT? Basically that means you're
hot, in great shape, and you
actually care about people. Plus,
you make more money than a fireman.
KYLE
Actually, I'm part of the unpaid
internship program for indifferent
ugly people.
ERICA
I stand corrected.
KYLE
Yeah, it's new. I'm not surprised
you haven't heard of it.
ERICA
Can I tell you something. Something
that might disgust you?
KYLE
Okay...
ERICA
I just ate an entire batch of
cookie dough and now I feel sick.
KYLE
Oh, great. Let me guess, you're
bulimic.
ERICA
I wish. No, just fat.
KYLE
That's weird, you don't look fat in
your picture.
ERICA
Wait, what picture?
KYLE
The one on Facebook. Of you and
Samantha dressed in S&M gear.
ERICA
It was Halloween!
Kyle rechecks the picture on his mobile phone app. He furls
his brow skeptically.
KYLE
Sure, it was. Well, at least you
were the master.
ERICA
Yeah, sometimes Sam and I have a
little too much to drink and we
like to, you know, experiment...
KYLE
Seriously?
ERICA
No, you perv! You wish. So what
else did you find out while you
were cyber-stalking me?
KYLE
Just wanted to put a face to a
voice.
ERICA
Uh huh.
KYLE
Okay, I wanted to see if you were
hot.
ERICA
And...?
KYLE
You passed the test.
ERICA
That's not fair. I don't know what
you look like.
KYLE
Sure, you do. You already know I'm
hot. All EMT's are.
ERICA
Come on.
KYLE
I sent you a friend request.
ERICA
Hang on.
She clicks her computer.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Kyle McAvoy. Confirm. Wait,
seriously?
KYLE
What?
ERICA
Your profile picture is your dog?
And sure enough, his picture is of his dog.
KYLE
What's wrong with that? A lot of
people do that.
ERICA
Yeah, if you're horribly disfigured
or in the witness relocation
program.
KYLE
Or you just love your dog.
ERICA
That's what Dogbook is for!
She clicks another button.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Okay, here's a real picture of you.
Oh, great.
KYLE
Now what's the problem?
ERICA
You sleep with a lot of women,
Kyle?
KYLE
Excuse me?
ERICA
You're too good looking to be
monogamous.
KYLE
Wow. I can't believe you just said
that.
She laughs. Then *BEEP*.
ERICA
Damn. I have to take some of these
calls.
KYLE
Can't you blow them off?
ERICA
Maybe for a little while. Hang on,
let me just check in with my boss.
KYLE
Okay. I'll hold.
Erica hangs up and dials her boss.
ERICA
Yeah, Mr. Koffsky, it's doing it
again. The network is down. I'm not
seeing any calls.
But her computer is beeping again like crazy. She quickly
turns down the volume on it.
48A MR. KOFFSKY 48A
Goddamn it. All right. Let me see
what I can do on my end. If we
can't get this figured out, I'm
going to need to send the I.T. guy
out there to look at your computer.
ERICA
Well, it's going in and out. I can
see calls now.
MR. KOFFSKY
Okay, go take the call. I'll have
them check the server.
She swaps calls.
ERICA
So where were we?
SPLIT SCREEN:
50 KYLE 50
You were telling me how hot you
think I am.
ERICA
Oh, right. And modest.
KYLE
Tell me, what do you want?
ERICA
Like right now? I could go for some
ice cream.
KYLE
Didn't you just eat all that cookie
dough?
ERICA
Yeah, and...?
KYLE
I mean, in life.
ERICA
Oh, okay. So we're going there?
KYLE
Yes, we've entered the deep
thoughts part of the conversation.
ERICA
I don't know. What do you want?
KYLE
We're not talking about me. You
keep deflecting.
ERICA
Okay. I don't know. What does
anyone want? Love? Happiness?
KYLE
I thought you had a boyfriend.
ERICA
Oh, yeah. I forgot. I mean, I know
I want a family. Some day.
KYLE
Okay, now we're getting somewhere.
How many kids?
ERICA
Maybe three.
KYLE
They say people want as many kids
as they grew up with.
ERICA
That's funny. I have an older
sister and a younger brother.
KYLE
See?
Something else occurs to Erica.
ERICA
I majored in poli sci in college.
KYLE
Where did you go?
ERICA
Cal State Fullerton.
KYLE
SUNY Binghamton.
ERICA
Okay, so it's not like I wanted to
work in Washington or anything. I
mean, I'm not that interested in
politics.
KYLE
What are you interested in?
ERICA
Nothing.
KYLE
I don't believe that. It says you
belong to the unnecessary quotation
mark hunters group on Facebook.
ERICA
Oh, yeah. That shit totally bothers
me. Like you see a sign at the
register that says, "No checks,
please." But it's in quotation
marks. Like, "'No checks, please,'
said John the owner."
KYLE
Or it's facetious.
ERICA
Exactly. So maybe they really do
take checks.
Kyle laughs.
KYLE
Okay, so you don't love your job.
But you can't quit because you
don't know what else you want to
do.
ERICA
Exactly.
KYLE
You should just write a book about
the life of a consumer affairs rep.
ERICA
I totally should.
KYLE
I'm serious. Tales from the
trenches. Most ridiculous stories.
Dumbest people. You know. Just all
the crazy shit you deal with every
day.
ERICA
You don't even know the half of it.
KYLE
So let me listen in to one of your
calls.
ERICA
Yeah, right.
KYLE
No, I'm serious. It's got to be
possible to connect me in.
ERICA
Yeah, it's easy to do, but what's
the point?
KYLE
I'm curious. Besides, I can hear
your computer beeping. I know
you've got to take some of these
calls.
ERICA
Okay, let's do it. Hang up and I'll
call you right back. But be quiet.
I can't mute you.
KYLE
You got it.
He hangs up.
Erica puts her headset on and presses a few buttons.
ERICA
You there?
SPLIT SCREEN:
KYLE
51A Yup. 51A
ERICA
Okay, hang on. And don't say
anything!
KYLE
Got it.
She presses another button.
ERICA
about today?
52 INT. REFRIED BEAN CALLER'S KITCHEN - DAY 52
It's a rather large woman.
REFRIED BEAN CALLER
Yes, hi, I'm calling about the
refried beans.
SPLIT SCREEN:
52A Erica types that into her computer. 52A
ERICA
Okay. How can I help you?
REFRIED BEAN CALLER
Well, I'm wondering if you sell
beans that are just once-fried.
52B We see Kyle listening in. He nods approvingly. Sounds like a52B
good question.
ERICA
Excuse me?
REFRIED BEAN CALLER

Well, I'm on a diet so I figured
maybe I'd cut back on the refried
beans and just buy the beans that
are only fried once but I couldn't
find them anywhere and the man at
the Kroger's said he'd never even
heard of once-fried beans.
Kyle listens intently. Erica types something into her
computer.
ERICA
I have some good news for you,
ma'am. Our refried beans are only
fried once.
REFRIED BEAN CALLER
Then why are they called "refried"?
ERICA
That's a very common question.
Actually, refried beans are not
fried and then fried again. It's a
mistranslation of the Spanish
frijoles refritos. You see, in
Spanish, when they put a "re" in
front of a word it's just for
emphasis, so frijoles refritos
literally just means, "well-fried
beans." But English speakers
assumed the "re" meant "again" like
it does in English and mis-
translated it to "refried" beans.
But rest assured, CPI's refried
beans are only fried once, and in
fact, our fat-free refried beans
aren't fried at all.
The woman just stares blankly forward. Then:
REFRIED BEAN CALLER
So do you make "once-fried" beans
or not?
Kyle suppresses a laugh.
ERICA
Yes, ma'am. We just call them
"refried beans."
REFRIED BEAN CALLER
That doesn't make any sense.
ERICA
Well, as I just explained, it's mis-
translation from the Spanish--
REFRIED BEAN CALLER
Whatever. Bitch.
And she hangs up.
Erica rubs her brow.
Then, Kyle pipes up.
KYLE
Wow, you are a total liar. You have
the greatest job on Earth.
ERICA
KYLE
You get paid to surf the internet
for fascinating trivia.
ERICA
No, I don't.
KYLE
Yes, you do. You are like a human
Googler. If I have a question,
instead of just finding out the
answer on my own, I just call you
up and you look up the answer for
me.
ERICA
I'm just reading from our product
page.
KYLE
Still. I didn't know about refried
beans.
ERICA
I'm sure there's a lot of
information about CPI products that
might be of interest to you.
KYLE
Let's do another call.
ERICA
Okay. Hang on.

She clicks a few buttons and soon...
ERICA
about today?
SPLIT SCREEN:
53A MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI 53A
I'm not sure the name of it.
ERICA
Okay... Was it one of our food
products?
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
Yes, they had this cereal on our
cruise and Marvin really enjoyed
it.
ERICA
I see. So you want the name of the
cereal so you can buy it for your
husband Marvin?
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
Oh, no. Marvin's not my husband. My
husband Leonard has been dead
twenty-two years this May, God rest
his soul.
53B Kyle laughs quietly. 53B
ERICA
Okay, so who's Marvin?
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
None of your business! Nosy.
ERICA
My apologies, ma'am.
Erica chuckles to herself.
ERICA (CONT’D)
Well, CPI makes several dozen
cereals. What did it taste like?
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
I don't know. I didn't have any.
Marvin couldn't get enough, but I
don't care for the cereal.
ERICA
Well, you're not giving me a lot to
go on here.
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
I think it had raisins.
ERICA
Was it Raisin Bran?
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
I think I'd recognize Raisin Bran
if I saw it, young lady. You think
I'm an idiot?
ERICA
No, ma'am. Just trying to nail down
this mysterious cereal here.
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
You getting smart with me now?
ERICA
You know what? Our website has
pictures and descriptions of all of
our cereals--
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
If I knew how to use all that world
wide web business I wouldn't be
calling you, now would I! Can you
tell me the name of the cereal or
not?
ERICA
Are you sure it was a CPI cereal?
Because Kellogg's and Post make
some--
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
Oh, that's right. Just pass the
buck. Pass the buck onto someone
else. That's what's wrong with the
country these days. Everyone's just
trying to pass the buck. Hello! The
box said C. P. I. on it. It had
raisins. And nuts.
Kyle can't keep quiet anymore.
KYLE
Hello, ma'am, this is Sven
Jorgenson from CPI Consumer
Affairs. I'm Erica's supervisor and
I've been monitoring this call.
Erica's eyes go wide.
ERICA
I got this, Sven.
KYLE
Ma'am. Is the cereal "Harvest Grain
Medley"?
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
Yes! That was the name!
KYLE
I thought it might be.
ERICA
How did you--
KYLE
I'm so sorry Erica wasn't able to
answer your question today.
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
And she's fresh.
KYLE
Yes, Erica does have a smart mouth
at times and I apologize for that
as well.
ERICA
Now wait a second--
KYLE
As a token of our appreciation for
your call and to make up for the
poor customer service you received
today, we are going to be sending
you a brand new CPI microwave oven.
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
Really?
ERICA
No, we're not!
KYLE
Yes, we are. Just stay on the line
and we'll get your information.
(MORE)
KYLE (CONT'D)
If you hear a dial tone, that
doesn't mean you were disconnected,
it just means we're processing your
free microwave oven.
MRS. WOJCIECHOWSKI
Thank you, Mr. Jorgensen.
KYLE
No, thank you. Now please hold.
Erica rolls her eyes and disconnects the old lady.
ERICA
That was mean.
KYLE
She deserved it.
ERICA
Maybe, but all she's going to do is
call back and demand her free oven.
KYLE
Sorry. I was just having fun.
ERICA
Well, you can't give away free
microwave ovens.
KYLE
You can't?
ERICA
They really do monitor some of
these calls, you know. And she's
got my name. You're going to get me
fired!
KYLE
I thought you hated your job.
ERICA
Yeah, and I hate being homeless
even more.
KYLE
It was fun, though.
ERICA
Yeah, fine. And I'm sure it'd be
fun to come with you on a ride-
along and go through people's
wallets while you're trying to
revive them.
KYLE
Who told you we do that?
ERICA
Ha ha. Look, I'm not quitting my
job because I have absolutely no
marketable skills, okay?
KYLE
Unless someone's looking for some
archers.
ERICA
Yeah, maybe someone with a moat and
unruly barbarian neighbors?
KYLE
Have you talked to any headhunters
about careers in long-bow work?
She laughs.
KYLE (CONT'D)
Hey, did you ever pretend to just
be the recording when someone
calls?
ERICA
Oh, sure. All the time.
KYLE
No, seriously. Like you just go,
(recording voice)
"press one for more options" or
something.
Erica is feeling mischievous today.
ERICA
Let's give it a shot. Hang on.
She hangs up her cell and puts on the headset.
Erica takes another complaint call with Kyle listening in.
ERICA
For problems or comments with
canned goods, press one. For
electronic items, press two. For
dry goods, like cereals and pancake
mix--
BEEP.
55 INT. PRANKED GUY'S HOUSE - DAY 55

The unsuspecting caller pressed a button.
INTERCUT:
55A Erica can't believe that worked. She has to cover her 55A
microphone to keep the caller from hearing her laughing.
55B Listening in, Kyle is laughing as well. 55B
ERICA
Dry goods. If you are calling
because you have found a stone in
your stone ground oatmeal, press
one. If you have a question about
how to use one of our fantastic
granola bar products, press two.
All other questions or concerns
press three.
BEEP.
The guy is starting to get annoyed.
Erica and Kyle are laughing it up.
Kyle jumps in with a fake Southern/Nascar accent:
KYLE
You've reached the CPI bacon
hotline. If you have a question or
concern about fryin', press one. If
you're callin' about how to make
your bacon even smokier, press two.
Erica is dying here.
The guy is not amused.
PRANKED GUY
Oh, come on.
BEEP. The guy presses zero.
KYLE
You've pressed a wrong button. For
questions or comments about giving
bacon as a gift, press three.
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. The guy presses zero again and again.
Erica jumps back on.
ERICA
You've reached CPI consumer
affairs. For English, press one.
PRANKED GUY
Goddamn it, I already did this!
BEEP. He presses one.
ERICA
(English accent)
Cheerio. For queries regarding our
scones or tea cakes, kindly depress
the zed key presently.
PRANKED GUY
Oh, forget it!
He hangs up.
The two of them bust a gut laughing.
When Erica comes to, she takes off her headset, picks up her
cell phone, and calls Kyle back.
56A KYLE 56A
You see? You've got a career in
comedy. You should write about this
stuff.
Then, mid-laugh, Erica haphazardly lets slip,
ERICA
I really like you.
Oops. That awkwardly silences them.
ERICA (CONT'D)
I'm sorry, that was weird.
KYLE
No, it's okay. I like you, too.
ERICA
I'm totally embarrassed.
KYLE
Erica, it's no big deal. So you
said what you were feeling. So
what?
But she's still embarrassed.
ERICA
Look, can we just talk about
something else?
KYLE
Okay. You ready to talk about your
boyfriend?
ERICA
Yeah, sure, whatever. I guess I
know you well enough.
KYLE
If not, I can give you my social
security number...
ERICA
And your bank statements. Okay,
fine, so here's what happened. Alex
works at this big pharmaceutical
company. He's the regional sales
manager and one of the associates
on his team is this totally slutty
girl named Amanda.
KYLE
I like her already.
ERICA
Yeah, well, she knows Kyle is with
me, but she still buys him little
presents all the time and she calls
him on the weekends "just to talk."
KYLE
So they're friends.
ERICA
Yeah, right. And I read one of her
texts to Alex and she's practically
inviting him over for a booty call
but when I confronted Alex about it
he was just like, "She's just
kidding." Like it was some inside
joke at the office.
KYLE
Okay. So maybe they're sleeping
together, maybe not.
ERICA
Then, last Friday, my friend Sarah
saw Alex and Amanda together at The
Olive Garden and they were--
KYLE
Wait. Hold up. Stop right there.
The Olive Garden? Seriously?
ERICA
Yeah, why?
KYLE
People really go to The Olive
Garden?
ERICA
Yes, people go there. What does
that have to do with anything?
KYLE
It doesn't. But seriously, those
commercials for the Olive Garden,
with the Parmesan cream sauce or
whatever it is, it totally looks
like throw-up.
ERICA
Yeah, it kind of does.
KYLE
I mean, I would actually rather eat
a plate full of vomit than that
cream sauce.
ERICA
Okay, Olive Garden cream sauce
looks like vomit, got it. Did the
Olive Garden kill your dog or
something?
KYLE
Like I'd take my dog anywhere near
that place. But seriously, if you
ever want to try some real Italian
food, there's this place on
Sullivan Street that makes the best
veal parmigiana.
ERICA
I'm a vegetarian.
KYLE
Ooh, I forgot, I'm talking to Miss
California. So they have eggplant
parm as well. It's really good.
ERICA
Are you Italian or something?
KYLE
No. Scotch Irish but I still can
tell the difference between good
Italian food and The Olive Garden.
ERICA
Are you done?
KYLE
Right, sorry. So your classy
boyfriend takes his hot young co-
worker out for a fine meal of
breadsticks and endless salad...
ERICA
And they're sitting on the same
side of the booth, and they're
cuddling.
KYLE
Did they kiss?
ERICA
No. But you can just tell from
their body language that something
is going on.
KYLE
According to Sarah. Who told you
this directly?
ERICA
Well, no. She told my best friend
Sam. But she told me directly.
KYLE
I don't know. Even if what Sarah
saw was conveyed accurately, who
knows what that means.
ERICA
So you don't think he's cheating on
me?
KYLE
You want to know the truth?
ERICA
Of course I want to know the truth.
KYLE
The truth is, it's over either way.
No response.
KYLE (CONT'D)
Look. Say he's cheating on you.
That's a no brainer, you dump his
ass, unless you want to be that sad
middle-aged lady who still thinks
she can change her philandering
husband.
ERICA
But what if he's not cheating?
KYLE
It doesn't matter. You're already
with someone you don't trust, you
can't talk to, and you don't love,
so who cares.
ERICA
But I do love him.
KYLE
Oh, my God. Aaarrgh. Are you
kidding me? Is your self-esteem so
low that you feel like this guy is
the best you can do? Are you really
so insecure that you don't think
you deserve someone better?
ERICA
Someone like you.
Gotcha.
KYLE
Yeah, okay. Someone like me.
ERICA
If you're so great, why are you
still single?
KYLE
Oh, great. Yes. If a man is
available, then there must be
something wrong with him--
ERICA
That's been my experience.
KYLE
Well, FYI I just got out of a
relationship with a woman-- and I
use that term loosely-- who was
giving blow jobs to strangers for
cocaine. And when I ended it, she
tried to kill herself.
ERICA
Wow. You must be a really great
judge of character.
KYLE
Yeah. And by the way, I think she
stole my watch.
Erica laughs.
ERICA
I'm sorry. It's just kind of funny.
You had no idea she was doing any
of this?
KYLE
Oh, sure. Now it's completely
obvious. I mean, why else did she
have bloody noses all the time. And
herpes. But love blinds you.
ERICA
Yeah.
KYLE
P.S. I don't have herpes.
ERICA
Congratulations.
KYLE
Yeah, dodged a bullet there.
Erica is enchanted with him. Kyle looks earnest.
KYLE (CONT'D)
Look, I'm sorry. I obviously don't
know you that well, but it seems to
me that you're either going to
demand that people treat you with
respect or you're going to get
walked on for the rest of your
life.
Erica slips back in to defensive mode.
ERICA
Yeah, and then what? Say I do
everything you're saying. Say I
quit my job, I dump my boyfriend, I
strip my life down bare to those
few things I'm actually proud of.
So then what? Then what do I do?
Kyle smiles.
KYLE
Then you hold your head up high and
venture out into the unknown.
Instead of playing it safe with
what you know, you take a chance on
what could be.
ERICA
It sounds so romantic when you say
it.
KYLE
So what's it going to be?
A long pause. Then... BEEP.
ERICA
Oh, my God. This is him.
Her pulse quickens.
ERICA (CONT'D)
I'll call you back.
KYLE
Good luck.
Erica presses "swap" on her cell phone to switch over to the
incoming call.
57A ALEX 57A
I'm heading out, baby. Are you
still coming over?
ERICA
Yes, I mean, I don't know. Look, we
need to talk about this.
ALEX
Oh, Jesus, here we go.
ERICA
I think this relationship is in
trouble if we can't talk about this
situation with Amanda like mature--
ALEX
Are you finished?
ERICA
No. I think--
ALEX
Look, babe. I love you, but this
bullshit has got to stop. This is
not how I want to spend all my
time, arguing with you about shit
that didn't even happen.
ERICA
I just want you to be honest with
me.
ALEX
You want me to be honest? Okay,
here's a little dose of reality for
you, Erica. I am this close to
ending this with you.
Erica flinches. That threat actually carries weight with her.
ALEX (CONT'D)
And then who's going to put up with
all your bullshit? I'll tell you.
No one. So why don't you just stop
all the drama and come over. All
right?
Bullseye. He hit her worst insecurity dead center. Erica is
on the verge of tears. But she's thinking about what he said.
And about what Kyle said.
She barely ekes out:
ERICA
All right.
ALEX
Good. And why don't you pick up
some beer on the way over.
ERICA
Yeah, sure.
ALEX
Cool. I'm sorry I had to be so
direct with you but it's only
because I love you, babe. I'll see
you soon.
And with that he hangs up.
Erica looks defeated. But even worse, she feels like a
coward.
She puts down her phone.
Then:
57B KYLE (V.O.) 57B
That was unexpected.
Erica quickly picks up the phone.
ERICA
Kyle?
KYLE
Nice job.
She turns white.
ERICA
You were on the whole time?
KYLE
Yeah.
She must have hit "conference" instead of "swap"!
ERICA
So you heard... I'm so sorry, it's
just, I couldn't--
KYLE
Look. I've got no stake in this. I
was just trying to help. But it's
your life.
ERICA
Kyle...
KYLE
Hey, don't sweat it. I mean, it's
not like I know you for real.
She's crying now.
ERICA
Yes, you do. I think maybe you're
the only one who does.
KYLE
I'm gonna go now.
ERICA
Yeah, okay.
KYLE
Goodbye, Erica.
ERICA
Goodbye, Kyle.
CLICK. And with that, he's gone.
Erica fights back her emotions as she puts on her headset and
staggers over to her desk.
She's devastated and can barely function on the call.
ERICA
Welcome to CPI, my name is Erica,
which one of our products are you
calling about today?
59 INT. POTATO SHREDDER CALLER'S HOUSE - DAY 59
It's a middle-aged lady.
POTATO SHREDDER CALLER
Yeah, I bought one of your potato
shredders and it's totally stuck.
INTERCUT:
ERICA
Excuse me, the what?
The potato shredder.
ERICA
The potato shredder.
She types that into her laptop.
ERICA (CONT’D)
I'm not showing any potato
shredders manufactured by CPI. Are
you sure it's a CPI product?

Yup. CPI. Right here on the bottom.
ERICA
Can you describe the product?
It's a potato shredder. You know,
like for hash browns.
ERICA
I'm sorry, I'm just not seeing any
potato shredder in our products
database.
You put the potato into the
shredder, flip a switch, and the
hash browns fill up the receptacle.
ERICA
Okay, so it's electronic?
Yes. It plugs in.
ERICA
What does the receptacle look like?
Kind of like a garbage can.
A lightbulb goes off. Erica rubs her brow.
ERICA
By any chance does it say, "Cross
Shredder"?
Yes! "Cross shredding action."
ERICA
Ma'am, that's a paper shredder.
It shreds paper, too?
ERICA
No, it shreds paper only. You've
been putting potatoes into a paper
shredder.
Okay, so how do I get it unstuck?
Erica loses it.

ERICA
Seriously? Are you really that
stupid?
The woman is aghast.
I want to speak to your supervisor!
ERICA
You want a second opinion? Okay,
you're a moron. How's that?
Click. The woman hangs up.
Erica takes off her headset and checks the clock. Seven p.m.
She closes her laptop, done for the day.
And with that, she breaks down crying.
61 INT. ERICA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 61
Erica is on the couch in the fetal position crying and
hugging a pillow.
62 INT. ERICA'S BATHROOM - NIGHT 62
Erica takes a shower, trying to wash away the pain.
62A INT. ERICA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 62A
Erica gets dressed to go out.
Now dressed for the evening, Erica is back on the couch and
still sniffling. She stares at her cell phone in her hand,
trying to will it to ring.
Then it does. A flash of excitement but then she quickly sees
it's just Sam calling.
ERICA
What?
SPLIT SCREEN:
63A SAM 63A
Well, what happened?
ERICA
Nothing.
SAM
Are you crying?
ERICA
No.
SAM
What did he do to you?
ERICA
Who? Alex? Nothing. I'm going over
to see him in a little while.
SAM
Then why are you crying?
ERICA
It's a long story. I met this guy.
Sam is confused.
SAM
What? When? Where?
ERICA
On the phone. One of the people I
called. It was this really nice guy
named Kyle. He's an EMT and I don't
know, we just really connected. We
talked all day.
SAM
Oh, my God, this is so romantic.
ERICA
Yeah, well, don't get excited.
First of all, he lives in New York.
And second, I totally blew it with
him.
SAM
What happened?
ERICA
He was on the line when Alex
called.
SAM
Oh, my God.
ERICA
Yeah, and he heard me totally wimp
out and not stick up for myself.
Now he thinks I'm a psycho bitch
with low self-esteem.
SAM
So call him back.
ERICA
I can't.
SAM
Why not? If he's as good as you say
he is, he'll give you another
chance.
ERICA
I don't know. Maybe.
SAM
What have you got to lose? Call him
back.
Erica's not sure she can.
SAM (CONT'D)
Go. Do it. Now.
ERICA
Okay. Okay.
She hangs up.
Erica composes herself, then picks up her cell phone and
dials.
KYLE (V.O.)
Hey, you've reached Kyle, leave a
message.
Erica tries to think of something to say but she doesn't come
up with anything. She hangs up.
Then she curses herself and calls again.
KYLE (V.O.)
Hey, you've reached Kyle, leave a
message.
She hangs up again.
She buries her head in her hands.
Then she wipes away a tear and grabs her jacket.
She looks defeated. Dispirited. Resigned. She starts to head
out to Alex's when suddenly, her cell rings.
It's Kyle!
She answers it.
ERICA
Hello?
No answer. Just silence.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Hello? Kyle? Are you there?
But no answer. Just silence. Then...
she hears another line ringing through the cell phone.
GIRL'S VOICE (V.O.)
Hello?
KYLE
Hi, this is Peter Rollins from the
Tyra Banks Show.
GIRL'S VOICE (V.O.)
Seriously?
KYLE (V.O.)
Yeah, seriously. May I speak to
Amanda Feeny, please.
65 INT. AMANDA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 65
AMANDA is a bubbly blonde 22-year-old.
AMANDA
This is Amanda.
INTERCUT:
65A Erica can't believe it. She's listens intently. 65A
65B KYLE 65B
Hi, Amanda. Listen, Tyra is doing
an episode on office romances and
we got your name from...
(pretends to look it up)
Alex Santiago.
Erica's jaw drops.
AMANDA
Uh huh, I work with Alex.
KYLE
Well, Alex says you two are having
a relationship and we'd like to
bring you both to New York City for
a taping of the show.
AMANDA
Oh, my God, seriously?
KYLE
That's right. You'll be flying
first class courtesy of American
Airlines and staying in luxury
accommodations at the Hyatt
Regency.
AMANDA
This is so cool!
Erica rolls her eyes. Amanda is so dumb.
KYLE
We do need to verify a few things
before we can book you. First, Alex
says you two are having an
interoffice romance. Is that
correct?
AMANDA
Yes.
Erica remains stoic as she takes in that answer.
KYLE
Great. And do any of your co-
workers know about the
relationship?
AMANDA
No. Well, Rob does. That's Alex's
boss. I'm kind of hooking up with
him, too.
KYLE
Great. That sounds fabulous. Now do
either you or Alex have significant
others outside of the office?
AMANDA
Nope.
Erica can't believe it. But she keeps quiet.
KYLE
Alex isn't seeing anyone?
AMANDA
No.
Erica flinches.
KYLE
Are you sure? Because Alex says he
has a girlfriend...
AMANDA
Who? That Erica chick? They're not
serious.
Erica can't listen to this anymore.
KYLE
Are you sure? Because Alex says
that he's in love with this Erica
person--
AMANDA
No, he's not. Alex said she was
like a once-in-while hook-up but
then she got too clingy and he
dumped the bitch.
Erica starts crying. She hangs up and the split screen cuts
to just Kyle.
Kyle knows he's gone far enough.
KYLE
Okay, that's all we need.
INTERCUT:
AMANDA
So am I going to New York?
KYLE
What? Oh, yeah. Yes, you're going
to be the star of the show. Tyra is
personally going to meet you at the
airport and take you in her limo to
the studio.
AMANDA
Oh, my God.
KYLE
Right, so... Can you be at LAX
tomorrow at six a.m.?
Kyle smiles devilishly.
Erica looks comatose. She just sits on the couch with her
jacket still in her hand.
Her cell rings and she picks it up without even looking.

ERICA
I guess you were right.
66A KYLE 66A
I'm sorry. I just thought you'd
want to know the truth.
ERICA
How did you even get her info?
KYLE
Facebook mostly.
ERICA
Well, great job.
KYLE
Look. I didn't mean to hurt you.
ERICA
I know.
KYLE
So what are you going to do?
ERICA
Something I should have done a long
time ago.
KYLE
Good luck.
ERICA
Thanks.
She hangs up. She takes a deep breath. Then, she dials again.
67 INT. ALEX'S APARTMENT - DAY 67
ALEX
Hey, babe. What's going on? Where
are you?
SPLIT SCREEN:
67A ERICA 67A
Dumping your ass.
ALEX
Whoa, hold on. Don't get excited.
Tell me what the problem is.
ERICA
The problem is I deserve someone
better than you.
ALEX
Yeah, good luck with that.
ERICA
Screw you, Alex.
ALEX
Whatever, Erica. You're a customer
service rep and you're not getting
any younger. If you think you can
do better than me, then you need a
serious reality check.
ERICA
I know I can do better. And I think
I already met him.
ALEX
Do you have any idea what you're
doing?
ERICA
Yeah, taking a chance.
ALEX
Whatever.
ERICA
Goodbye, Alex.
ALEX
Yeah, see you around.
ERICA
Oh, and by the way, your friend
Amanda is sleeping with your boss,
too.
Click.
Erica smiles. She's proud of herself.
Then the phone rings again. She sees who it is and is
instantly annoyed.
ERICA
Oh, Jesus Christ.
(she takes the call)
What is it, Mr. Koffsky?
68A MR. KOFFSKY 68A

I.T. can't find any problem with
the network.
ERICA
Really? That's weird.
MR. KOFFSKY
Yeah, and they said your computer
has been online all day.
ERICA
Hmm. Maybe there's something wrong
with my laptop?
MR. KOFFSKY
Erica?
ERICA
Yes?
MR. KOFFSKY
Cut the bullshit.
ERICA
Excuse me.
MR. KOFFSKY
Let me play something for you,
Erica.
ERICA
Okay...
A pause, then a recorded conversation plays over the line...
ERICA (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Seriously? Are you really that
stupid?
POTATO SHREDDER CALLER (V.O.)
I want to speak to your supervisor!
ERICA (V.O.)
You want a second opinion? Okay,
you're a moron. How's that?
Mr. Koffsky turns off the recording.
ERICA
How did you get that?
MR. KOFFSKY
Some of your conversations are
recorded for quality assurance.
ERICA
Oh, yeah.
MR. KOFFSKY
What the hell is wrong with you,
Erica?
ERICA
I don't know. I just lost it. I'm
sorry. I'm having a weird day.
MR. KOFFSKY
And all this crap about the network
being down.
ERICA
I know. I was lying. I just needed
some time today to reconnect with
the rest of the world.
MR. KOFFSKY
ERICA
It doesn't matter. So am I fired?
MR. KOFFSKY
What do you think?
ERICA
I understand.
She starts crying.
MR. KOFFSKY
Erica, if you were having some
personal issues, you could have
just told me.
ERICA
I know. I'm sorry.
She's sobbing now.
ERICA (CONT’D)
It's fine. It's not like this was a
long-term career path for me.
Life's too short to do something
you don't love, right?
Her crying intensifies.
MR. KOFFSKY
Erica, let me give you some advice.
That sounds good in theory.
(MORE)
MR. KOFFSKY (CONT'D)
But in the real world, people work.
They do things that aren't all fun
and games because they need to make
money to buy food and pay rent. We
are laying people off at CPI and
it's really hard right now to find
another job. I'll tell you what.
How about I give you another
chance. As long as you promise to
never pull any stunts like this
again. What do you say?
Erica wipes away her tears.
ERICA
I appreciate that, Mr. Koffsky. I
do. But I think that maybe this is
for the best. I think I need to
step out of my comfort zone. Or at
least get out of my apartment. You
know, venture into the unknown?
MR. KOFFSKY
Okay. I understand. I'll give you
two weeks severance.
ERICA
Thank you, Mr. Koffsky.
MR. KOFFSKY
Good luck, Erica.
ERICA
Thank you.
She hangs up.
Erica goes over to the kitchen and opens a bottle of wine.
Her hands are shaking. She takes a big gulp.
Erica is scared, but she's also energized by her decisions.
She dials Kyle.
69A KYLE 69A
Hey.
ERICA
Hey.
KYLE
How'd it go?
ERICA
It's fine. It's over. I quit my
job, too. Well, fired actually, but
then I got hired back but I turned
it down.
KYLE
I never told you to--
ERICA
I'm taking a chance.
KYLE
Good for you.
ERICA
Can I ask you a question?
KYLE
Oh, so now you ask permission?
She laughs. She takes another drink of wine.
ERICA
Why do you even like me?
KYLE
Mostly for the archery.
ERICA
Seriously. I mean, I'm just a
consumer affairs rep.
KYLE
Former consumer affairs rep.
ERICA
Right. I'm not special.
KYLE
Are you kidding me? How many people
in the world would turn a wrong
number into an opportunity to meet
people? To make connections with
strangers?
ERICA
I don't know.
KYLE
You made a difference in people's
lives today.
ERICA
Not like you do.
KYLE
No, but just as important. You
think that old lady in Nebraska
gets a chance to talk to someone
every day? Her children don't even
talk to her.
ERICA
I guess.
KYLE
And what about me?
ERICA
What about you?
KYLE
I think you're very special. I know
this is going to sound totally lame
but I think us meeting today was
fate. It's weird, but I really
have... feelings for you.
Erica starts to tear up.
ERICA
What?
KYLE
I think this could be something.
Something important. Maybe the most
important thing we ever do.
Erica puts down the wine glass.
ERICA
I have to meet you. I can book a
flight in the morning--
But there's noise on the line. An ambulance going by.
KYLE
I'm sorry. I can't hear you.
ERICA
I want to fly out to see you--
The noise is getting louder.
KYLE
What? I'm sorry, there's an
ambulance going by.
Then something weird.
ERICA
Wait. I hear it, too.
Erica holds the phone away from her head for a second.
ERICA (CONT'D)
I can hear the ambulance outside.
This is too weird--
She listens to the ambulance on the phone and outside. It's
definitely the same ambulance.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Wait. Where are you?
KYLE
In L.A.
Erica's eyes go wide.
ERICA
But your number, it's 917!
KYLE
Yeah, I just moved here last month.
No reason to change my cell number.
ERICA
And you never thought to mention
this?
KYLE
You never asked.
The ambulance siren is starting to fade into the distance.
ERICA
But we can both hear the same
ambulance...
Kyle holds the phone away from his head as well. He can hear
the ambulance outside and over the phone.
ERICA (CONT'D)
Where are you exactly?
A moment of realization for both of them!
Erica drops the phone.
Kyle drops the phone.
They both rush out the front door!
70 EXT. ERICA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 70

Erica races across her apartment complex.
71 EXT. KYLE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 71
Kyle races across his apartment complex.
72 EXT. APARTMENT COURTYARD - NIGHT 72
They see each other and stop running.
Kyle approaches tentatively.
Erica is nervous.
They meet in the middle of the courtyard.
Not sure what to say.
Then...
KYLE
Hi. I'm Kyle.
ERICA
Erica.
They look into each other's eyes for a moment, then we...
FADE OUT:
THE END

Miss Dial - Shooting Script

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Iron Triangle Productions, Inc. WHITE PAGES - 8/23/10

No portion of this script may be performed, reproduced, or used by

© 2011, Iron Triangle Productions, Inc. All rights reserved.

LIGHTBULB CALLER (V.O.)

Erica is a jumble of emotions. She wants to believe him.

23 INT. MIKE'S HOUSE - DAY 23

OLD MAN STRANGER

36 INT. ERICA'S APARTMENT - LATER 36

41 INT. ERICA'S APARTMENT - DAY 41

REFRIED BEAN CALLER

53 INT. ERICA'S APARTMENT - DAY 53

55 INT. PRANKED GUY'S HOUSE - DAY 55

POTATO SHREDDER CALLER

Erica loses it.

Her cell rings and she picks it up without even looking.

68A MR. KOFFSKY 68A

70 EXT. ERICA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 70

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