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World's Craziest Patent

World's Craziest Patent

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Published by jadito
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Published by: jadito on May 11, 2007
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Patent NumberTitleSummary5392735
Marine MammalCommunication Device
This Walt Disney patent contains detailed source code(about 17 pages worth) of what basically anounts to adolphin size keyboard that translates keystrokes intosounds for both humans and other dolphins and perhaps "whales and porpoises" as well. They hopethat once trained that a human will be able to simplyspeak to the Dolphins as well.7108178
Method of stopping astolen car without ahigh-speed chase,utilizing a bar code
The title alone earns the patent a place on this page.Part of the invention also requires that the rear wheelcovers have bullets or knives installed in them,however the inventor also offers a method to disablethe engine by remote control.6142880
Method of playing abowling game
This is basically bowling like it is today, but changingthe scoring system to "eliminat[e] the unfair advantage of scoring consecutive strikes with amultiplier effect".20040161257
Just read Claim 9!
 If you are a patent attorney or inventor, you have toread Claim 9 -- hillarious, though perhaps notintended to be. Submitted by Angelo Castellano5107620
Electrified table cloth
 Designed to discourgage bugs from crawling on atable cloth, the electrified table cloth shocks them,much like an invisible dog fence. I'm not sure thisidea is so crazy -- if anyone knows where to get oneof these, let me know :) Submitted by Karan Morrow.7062320
Device for thetreatment of hiccups
 Appears to be a glass that shocks you when you drink from it, ostensibly stimulating specific nerves in anattempt to cure hiccups. Submitted by Carl Palmgren.4202456
Toy utilizing used,discardable items suchas bottle caps andbeverage cans
Making building blocks out of bottle caps? Soundslike a good way to cut yourself. OK, stupid invention.That's a given -- most everything on this page isstupid in one way or another. But, here is a legitimatequestion: Why did someone spend thousands of dollars to patent something whose primary purpose isto use cheap parts available in the home, rather thanhaving to go to the store and buy blocks (are blocksreally that expensive?) when the whole idea of the patent essentially means that the inventor can't sell a product, since he is encouraging people to make their own "toy" at home? I suppose he could sell the devicethat puts the holes in the sides of the caps. Notsurprisingly, I've never seen such a device for sale.Perhaps the toy mafia is blocking thecommercialization of this patent. Submitted by Oliver Kroth.6994809
Plug for and method of patching a hole in awall
 Maybe not really crazy, but crazily obvious. This patent shows you how to patch a hole in a wall bycutting out a piece the same size as a pre-formed plug, and then inserting the plug and plastering over it. Isn't that pretty much the way drywall is always
 patched??? Submitted by Ren Hoek.3216423
Apparatus forfacilitating the birth of a child by centrifugalforce
This one is too old to have full-text, so you are goingto have to look at the pictures -- but it's worth it. Ican't help but wonder if this device was ever actuallyused? Submitted by Dan.6360693
Animal Toy
Thanks to Samuel Pai for this submission, which isnearly unbelievable. Claim 1 describes (in fancylanguage of course), a synthetic STICK. Yes, a stick.I'm not kidding. This patent was applied for in 1999.Do you think anyone had ever conceived of the ideaof using a stick (albeit a plastic one) as an animal toy prior to 1999? Check out the front page image -- a picture is worth a thousands words, or in this case, astick.5904268
Mug incorporating asimulated artificialhorizon
Granted, this isn't very useful, but let me tell youwhat really worries me about it: I know what I woulddo with it. I'd sit the cup on my dashboard and use itto see how many G's I could pull while driving. Thelure of always going for a new "personal best" wouldsurely be hazardous to one's health. Thanks to Oliver Kroth for submitting this one!5443036
Method of exercising acat
In 1993 the USPTO issued this patent for using alaser pointer to exercise a cat (yes, by moving thelaser pointer beam around and having the cat chaseit). Come on now... Not only is this crazy to patent, but this idea had surely been thought of long beforethis patent came about. In fact, a bit of researchturned up the book "One Hundred and Eighty-SevenWays to Amuse a Bored Cat" (Ballantine Books;May, 1982) that describes the exact same idea, butusing a flashlight. Sorry guys -- the use of a laser  pointer for the same thing is obvious.Update: Michael Burns pointed out something trulyamazing about this patent. Not only should this patent probay never have been issued, but it appears that theUSPTO has issued what is essentially the same patentmany times! See:6505576 Pet Toy6557495 Laser Pet Toy6651591 Automatic laser pet toy and exerciser 6701872 Method and apparatus for automaticallyexercising a curious animal6826983
Light Bulb Changer
 How many machines does it take to change a light bulb? Come on now, who is going to buy a machine,that looks like it weighs 100 pounds and costs plenty,to change light bulbs. How would one even get thiscontraption up to a light bulb?6752088
Eating counter
This guy must have been sitting around with a hotdog
apparatus for mobilevending vehicle
 cart, a park bench, and a welding torch, and decidedhe needed to patent something using only these threethings.6745394
Ballistic resistant bodycovering
From the picture, one would guess that this is a super hero costume which purports to protect the wearer from bullets. All I can do here is to pray for the testengineers. Good luck pals.6739074
Tamper ResistantInstitutional Shoe AndMethod
 A shoe with a transparent sole to prevent concealingcontraband. Don't laugh just yet -- these might berequired on planes soon!6718554
Hands free towelcarrying system
 A towel with a neck loop. Seriously -- that's all it is.And it took until 2004 to patent such a thing. Iwonder what other amazing inventions remain to bediscovered???6711769
Pillow with retractableumbrella
 A pillow, with a built-in umbrella to protect the user from the sun. Somehow the idea of having a tanned body and a ghostly white head doesn't appeal to me, but whatever floats your boat.6659880
Chin Putter
 The funny thing about this is that I think the authorstake it seriously; it does not seem to be a noveltyitem.6650315
Mouse device with abuilt-in printer
 The title is pretty self-explanatory. Yes, it takes verysmall paper. Maybe it could serve as a label maker --that's about all I can think of.6637447
 Keeps the sun off your beer (no, I am not kidding).One would think that those little insulating sleeveswould be much more effective, but perhaps they wereworried about their beer getting sunburned.6557994
Stud Spectacles
 Eyeglasses that don't need a frame because theyattach to body piercings on the face. Yeah6368227
Method of swinging ona swing
 So these fools think that in all the years of swingingno one has ever before thought to pull on the oppositechains and swing form side to side? Well, I guess theygot the PTO to issue the patent, so I'm not sure whothe fool really is... But, even so, what do these guysexpect to do with this anyway? Are they going to goaround and collect royalties from kids on the playground?6035447
Halloween Mask withFlash Device
 This guy took a Halloween mask, strapped a light onit and called it a new invention. I know thatHalloween is a relatively new holiday compared tosome of the others, but I do recall seeing glowingmasks well before this patent existed. In fact, I had aJason mask that glowed when you pushed a button. I bet I know the next patent this guy submitted. Hetook a tree and stuck some lights and decorations onthem and called it a "Christmas Tree." Pure genius.5971829
Motorized ice creamcone
 I am usually a proponent of anything that allows meto do less work, but everyone knows that the best partof eating an ice cream cone is eating the cone and ice

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