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(ebook) - Adult Jokes Book

(ebook) - Adult Jokes Book

Ratings: (0)|Views: 310|Likes:
Published by iuliamary28

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Published by: iuliamary28 on Mar 02, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Q. Why do men have their best ideas during sex? A. Because they are plugged into a genius.  Why are the letters a, b, c, d, e, and f used in bra sizes? A - almost boobsB - barely boobsC - can live with them boobsD - damn good boobsE - enormous boobsF - fake boobs A prisoner escapes from his California prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As heruns away, he finds a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up thewoman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, andgoes to the bathroom. While he is in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at hisclothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I sawthe way he kissed your neck . If he wants intercourse, don't resist, just do what he tells you!This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. Hetold me that he found you very attractive, and asked if we kept any vaseline in the bathroom.Be strong, honey. I love you too..." A woman sends her clothing out to the local laundry. When it comes back there are still stainsin her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the laundryman that says, "Use moresoap on panties." This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry, "Use moresoap on panties." Finally fed up, the laundry man responded with his own note that said, "Use more paper onass." A beautiful young woman gets out of the shower, wraps a towel around her form and tells herhusband that he can get in the shower. As he enters the shower, the doorbell rings. The wife says she'll get the door and goes downstairs.  When she opens the door, she sees herneighbor, Bill, whose mouth opens wide at the sight of her shimmering form. He pulls out two one hundred dollar bills and tells her that they are hers if she will just let thetowel fall to her waist.  She thinks why not and drops the towel down and takes the money. 
Bill gasps at the sight and shows her two more hundreds and offers them if she will just letthe towel go altogether.  She thinks she has come this far so what the heck and drops thetowel to the ground. Bill looks for a minute, thanks her and leaves. When she got back upstairs, her husband had completed his shower and asks her who was atthe door. She says just Bill. The husband replies, "Did he say anything about the $400 he owes me?"  A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bedwith a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired,  I offered her a ride. She washungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in thefridge.  Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear becausethey were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater that you never wore even once becausethe color didn't suit you.  Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don'tfit into anymore. Then, as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else thatyour wife doesn't use anymore?'  And so, here we are...   An eldery couple is enjoying an aniversary dinner together in a small tavern, The husbandleans over and asks his wife. Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fiftyyears ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and i made love toyou. "Yes she says : I remember it well" Ok he says " how about taking a stroll a round there again and we can do it for old timessake" Oooooooh Henry, You Devil, that sounds like a good idea she answers. There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this and having a chuckle tohimself. he thinks,"I've got to see this: two old-timers having sex against a fence ,Ill just keepan eye on them so there's no trouble. He follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks, Finallythey get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.The old lady lifts her skirt,

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