Professional Documents
Culture Documents
In our first lesson, I want you to ask yourself, “What are my goals?” In any
meeting with women, it is crucial that you establish yourself as a man with
dreams, aspirations, and objectives.
• David Deida, the author of the fascinating book, “The Way of the
Superior Man”, argues for choosing a “life purpose”.
• That means deciding on a direction for your life, and fusing everything
you do into that direction.3
• Living a life with purpose is SO much easier than a life without one
"Everything in your life, from your diet to your career, must be aligned with
your purpose if you are to act with coherence and integrity in the world. If
you know your purpose, your deepest desire, then the secret of success is to
discipline your life so that you support your deepest purpose and minimize
distractions and detours."
-David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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Important questions to ask yourself include:
What kind of career do I want? If you’re doing something you have absolutely
no interest in, take the necessary steps to get out of it and into something you
believe in and enjoy! You’ll do yourself and the company a favor.
What kind of interests do I want to pursue? You can’t please everyone; you’ll
never be into the same things as all the girls you meet. So decide what you
really like: maybe it’s sports, you want to know everything there is to know
about baseball or football; maybe it’s travel, you want to know everything you
can get your hands on about foreign countries; maybe it’s even woodwork or
some other trade, you want to be known as an expert in your field. Decide
what your interests are, commit yourself to them, and be proud!
What kind of friends fit into my path? What kind of people do NOT fit into
my path? Decide who supports you and who it is that deters you from your
path. There will always be guys and girls who try to disabuse you of your
hobbies, tell you your interests are stupid and boring. But if your interests are
something you believe in, you’re better off cutting the detractors from your
life, than what moves you. Or at least limiting your presence around them.
Where do I want to be in 10 years time? This is not only a good question to
ask yourself, but to ask women. Don’t worry about your answer, but do be
prepared that women will ask you something like this as a test. So it’s good to
know what you want so you have a ready answer.
In what country or city can I best achieve my goals? Sometimes the country
or city you’re in now isn’t the best place to achieve what you want, or to find
the people who will support you in it. I know several people who could not find
happiness in their home country or town, so moved on to other places and
found happiness they never knew possible. Oftentimes you just can’t find the
right friends somewhere, so it’s time to move on. Don’t be afraid to give a
new city or nation a shot.
• Once you have solid answers to these questions, it’s up to you to pursue
them.
Write down 5 goals you would like to achieve over the next 5 years.
Decide on one PURPOSE you have for your life. These goals should all work
towards achieving your purpose.
Write down 12 goals you would like to achieve in the next year. Make one
for each months.
Recommended Reading
The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida
Secrets to Becoming the Alpha Male, by Carlos Xuma:
Dating Dynamics: http://www.datingdynamics.com
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2. What are my interests and dislikes?
GOAL: To be able to talk, convincingly and comfortably, about your interests,
and not let people deter you from what moves you. You will learn how to use
your interests to make yourself more attractive to women.
• Mr. Pink is too shy to talk about his interests. When he does discuss them
with a girl, he talks feebly about them, like they’re “no big deal”. The
problem, of course, is that when you treat your interests like no big deal,
that’s what they become to a girl.
• Mr. White is so fascinated with finding Ms. Right that he tries too hard to
impress her with his interests. He stumbles in his attempt to impress her,
and ends up looking like a loser. Mr. “Oneitis” very much needs to learn
better communication skills, so he can talk about his interests in a relaxed,
confident manner.
• Mr. Brown knows his interests, and makes a point of discussing them, but
does so in very boring ways. You know the guy: the one who goes into a big
monologue about all the great things he does, without giving a girl to
discuss what interests HER. He needs to learn to listen, and to speak more
eloquently and persuasively.
• Mr. Blue downplays everything he does as sucking. Like Mr. Pink, he gives a
negative image to his interests. He forgets that girls, and people in general
really, are like sponges; they soak in what you say, and especially how you
say it. If you display energy and enthusiasm, they will feel that from you.
But if you display negativity and apathy, like Mr. Blue, so too will they feel
those emotions.
• Mr. Yellow is afraid of talking girls, and afraid of talking about his interest
in fear of being rejected. He doesn’t realize that if he can’t talk about
himself, girls won’t be interested. Mr. Yellow needs to overcome his fear of
people thinking his interests are good enough. They’re as good as you make
them.
• Mr. Orange, like Mr. Brown, is full of himself and speaks as if he is the king
and girls are lucky to hear him. He gets drunk and raves about how great
he is. And since people feel out a person by how a person talks, girls KNOW
he’s full of crap. He needs to talk about his interests in a more controlled,
suave manner.
So of course this brings us to Mr. Red, our smooth-as-silk ladies’ man. Mr. Red
doesn’t talk like a player, who only wants to say enough in a lady’s pants, but he
also doesn’t want to talk like a geek, who positions himself as someone who’s not
GOOD enough to get in a lady’s pants. As always, he strikes a balance.
1. Don't talk like you're trying to impress. Talk slowly and calmly. Lean back
like you've got all the time in the world. Describe your interest with passion in a
deep, intimate, "just-between-you-and-me" voice.
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A man on a purpose does not need to impress others. Others need to impress
him.
2. Likewise, don't treat your hobbies like they're no big deal. Remembers,
emotions are literally contagious; there's a system that makes people match the
speaker's vibe. So if you treat your interests as stupid, so will other people. But
treat your hobbies like something great, and they will too.
3. Leave Her Hanging! If you like traveling and have climbed the Great Wall or
skydived over Sydney, don't tell her that all at once! Girls LOVE to be led on, so
wait a bit. Tell her you love traveling, but bait her into wanting to know more.
Simple things like, "Yeah, I'll have to show you some photos of my travels
sometime" or "I have this great video of me skydiving" are sure to make her want to
see you again.
4. Make Sure to Listen to HER interests. Yes, it's not all about you. Don't be
quick to interject when a girl describes her interests and
experiences. Let her speak, show some interest (but not too much), then
compliment her. After THAT, wait a few seconds. Don't say anything. Give her
the "Colbert Chin" (see picture), and wait for her to ask you something. This will
likely lead her to ask, "So what are you into/What kind of music do you listen
to/What do you like?"
To this, you can answer cockily, "Besides high-tech interactive porn? Hmmm..."
Loosen her up with humor; it always works!
EXERCISE
Take a few minutes to write down YOUR interests and what YOUR ambition or
ambitions are. List at least five, no matter how trivial they may seem. Then
write down their importance on a scale of 1-5. The more important each interest
is to you, the more passionately you should talk to women about them. Decide
why you are interested in these interests, and how you will use them in your path
to excellence.
So figure out your life purpose, and knowing your interests (and dislikes) will
come naturally. Your attraction meter has just…gone up!
Recommended Resources
"The Tao of Dating," by Dr. Alex Benzer
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3. What Do I Do?
GOAL: To be able to comfortably and convincingly talk about what you do for a
living and career.
It’s inevitable: a girl is going to ask you what you do for a living.
Some say it’s a test, some say it’s just an innocent question. Either way, what
matters is not what your answer is, but how you answer it.
If you treat the question like a test, like a big deal, you will fail.
But, if you are prepared and treat the girl like she has to impress YOU, not you
impress her, you won't just pass: you will show a girl you are in control,
independent of her needs, and confident in your choices. Everything a girl
wants.
"It never ends. A woman will always test her man for the pleasure of feeling
his strength in loving, his capacity to transcend nuisance, his persistence in his
own truth, and his capacity to share that truth in love with her, even when
she is complaining--especially when she is complaining...Your woman is testing
you because she loves you. She wants to feel your truth. She wants to feel
your love. And she wants to feel that your truth and love are stronger than
the barbs she can throw at you. Then she can relax and surrender into the
polarity of man and woman. THEN, she can trust you."
-David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
The other key to passing a "test," is asking yourself if this girl fits into your
choice. Does it matter if you impress her or not? Does she truly fit into your
life purpose? If not, why are you worrying?!?
Here’s where our Reservoir Dogs get it wrong. For consistency, we’ll say
they’re all fairly successful advertising executives:
1 Mr. Pink is shy about talking to his career. Even though advertising is an
interesting enough career, he thinks girls won’t enjoy it and refrains
from saying much about it. He loses out by not talking about it more.
2 Mr. White, in constant search of “The One”, tries too hard to use his
career to impress ladies. He fashions himself as a provider, and talks as
if he's trying to impress women with his plans for a family. This turns
girls off in a hurry.
3 Mr. Brown thinks highly enough of his career, but bores girls with all the
details they couldn’t care less about. There’s a right way and a wrong
way to discuss one’s career, and unfortunately, Mr. Brown does it the
wrong way. Girls
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4 Mr. Yellow is afraid to talk about his career, for fear of a girl rejecting
his career as not good enough. He loses out in the process; girls actually
are mostly interested in advertising workers, but he fears they’ll think
his job is boring.
5 Mr. Blue always puts down his career, saying all the bad things about it
he can think of. He wards off girls with his depressing talk. Instead of
badmouthing his job and co-workers, he should discuss them with pride
and energy.
6 Mr. Orange is the typical drunk businessman who thinks he’s the shit.
He tries too hard to impress, in the process not impressing at all.
You can see what these guys do wrong. They either talk too much about their
careers, too little, or just make their jobs sound so boring or so depressing.
However they do it, it’s bound to repel girls. But when you know how to
describe your career right, you don’t repel—you attract.
1. No matter what the question, Mr. Red never lets the woman assume more
power than him. Mr. Red doesn't get angry at women for testing him; he
knows it's part of their instinctive drive for a man who can provide and protect.
He EXPECTS the question and answers it calmly. He doesn't care what she
thinks of his answer.
FUNDAMENTAL RULE
When a man doesn't care what a woman thinks of his answer, she will be
much more attracted to him.
If he has to decide between his path and a girl who thinks his path is a joke,
Mr. Red always goes with the path. Girls respect him more for sticking to
what he believes in.
4. He knows that women love a man with potential. They will be more
attracted to a gas station attendant who dreams of owning his own company,
than a guy who works in a big office with no purpose at all. Women love to
give people a chance; why else would shows like Oprah and magazines like
Women's Weekly be so popular? These media appeal to women's sense of
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sympathy and nurturing. So appeal to it yourself by showing that what you feel
you're capable of!
5. He knows that as long as you answer their questions slowly and with
confidence, you'll be okay. Mr. Red doesn't make a big, nervous deal of saying
what he does for a living. He also doesn't avoid it. When a woman asks, he
pauses a second (to regain control and not give her too much power--see my
lesson on Listening), then explains slowly what he does. He doesn't rush his
voice, knowing that a fast explanation makes him look nervous and full of crap.
Talk slowly, gently, and a woman will be more interested--even if you work as
a clerk at Wal-Mart.
Attraction in Action!
Here's how Mr. Red handles the ladies:
Eventually a woman will test you with how much you make. This is when Mr.
Red turns the table on her and makes her have to defend herself from being a
gold-digger!
Lady (testing Mr. Red): So how much do you make doing advertising...
Mr. Red: Why, do you want to marry me already? Look, I just met you, I really
can't be rushed into a relationship that quickly. Besides, I don't date gold-
diggers.
Lady: I'm not a gold-digger! I just...
Mr. Red: It's okay. You can let me know how much YOU make. <grins>
Now you know more about how to handle the inevitable question about what
you do for a living. Just like that, your attraction meter…has gone up!
Recommended Resources
"The Way of the Superior Man," by David Deida
"Double Your Dating," by David DeAngelo
"How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You," by Leil Lowndes
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4. What Makes Me Unique?
GOAL: To determine and share what makes you so unique
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”
-Epictetus
When it comes to interacting with girls, it pays to have an identity: who you
are, what makes you unique, what makes you, YOU. Then do what you have to
do, to make your identity your stepping-stone to female success.
EXERCISE
On a sheet of paper, write down five (5) things that make you unique. They
could be anything: the way you laugh, unusual clothing you like to wear, a
body mark, your career, really anything. Take the time to do that now.
Believe me, EVERYONE has something that distinguishes them from everyone
else.
In the cases of a unique interest or job, girls won’t know unless you tell them.
So how do you showcase something unique like, say, that you’re a professional
bungee-jumper (unlikely as it may be)?
• But you don’t want to be shy about it, like Mr. Pink. Mr. Pink has a lot
to be proud of; not too many people can stake claim to being a
professional bungee-jumper, who travels around the world. But he
thinks a girl ought to do all the talking, and doesn’t want to be like Mr.
Orange, so he says nothing. This is not the way to do it.
• Finally, don’t paint what you do or are interested in, in negative terms.
Mr. Blue, the resident grouch, might do something really cool and
interesting, but talk about it like it sucks. If Mr. Blue were a
professional bungee jumper, he’d just talk about all the negative
aspects of it: the long hours traveling, the people he works with, the
spectators who ask for his autograph. Even if there are downsides to
your occupation or hobby, don’t talk about them until you really know a
girl. Or better yet, don’t talk about them at all; people gravitate much
more towards positive-thinking people than negative ones.
So how to talk about yourself? Our fearless Mr. Red finds a happy medium. Mr.
Red knows…that a girl is inevitably going to ask him what he does for a living,
so he gives a shrewd, humble answer that invites curiosity. Mr. Red isn’t shy
about what he does; he tells her and doesn’t put it down. He knows that if he
makes it sound like no big deal, then it will be no big deal for the woman. But
if he makes it sound like it’s the biggest deal in the world—then the girl will be
so off-put that she won’t give a damn. So Mr. Red says something like, “Well,
when I’m not at my day job, I travel around the world bungee jumping, that
sort of thing. It’s alright.” Naturally, it’s much more than “alright” for the
girl, so she’ll pounce on him with questions.
Remember: your identity tells people who you are. And that includes yourself.
Knowing who you are, and what you want to be, goes a long way towards
achieving your goals.
QUOTABLE QUOTE
“Your identity and your success go hand in hand. Many people sacrifice their
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identities by not doing what they really want to do. And that's why they're not
successful.”
-Lila Swell
Get your identity right, and your attraction meter will go up…just like that!
Recommended Resources
"Tao of Dating," by Dr. Alex Benzer
"Unlimited Power," by Anthony Robbins
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5. How Do I Want to Present Myself
GOAL: To dress to impress, wearing the right styles, fashions, and colors to
signify to women that you are a true catch!
Do looks matter?
Yes.
No!
The good news is, you don't have to look like Brad Pitt to get the women of
Brad Pitt. But you do have to pay attention to how you present yourself.
Remember: Dating is like marketing. Sure, people go for products that aren't
the flashiest, and often those aren't the highest quality anyway (keep this in
mind when comparing yourself to the alpha male jocks!). But products with
good design catch people's attention. And you want to do the same--you
want women to see you and KNOW that they should "buy" you.
What you wear can determine how well you score. So pay attention!
Red
• The color of blood, conquest, masculinity, the flame of the human spirit.
• The person who favors red “wants his own activities to bring him
intensity of experience and fullness of living.”
• A red suit or dress shirt (though red pants should ONLY be used if you
really want to peacock and be noticed! Don't wear it if you can't handle
people staring at you...)
Burgundy
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If red is too bright and powerful for you, consider a darker, yet equally
provocative color: burgundy.
Blue
Try out some dark blue jeans, or if you're in more formal attire, a nice, stylish
blue buttoned shirt.
Black
Yellow
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White
• Looks GREAT if you are dark-skinned, not so great if you are pale.
• The color signifies virtue and can give you an extremely clean
appearance.
• White clothing can also point towards a higher social status, and looks
very preppy. Think white tennis shirt, or a white polo.
• Use especially in warm and formal settings. Again, white shirts look best
against dark skin. Work on your tan!
Green
• A green windbreaker
• Forest green V-neck or crew neck wool sweater
• In warmer months, a forest green polo shirt looks great (particularly with
a tan)
• Pink. Pink symbolizes cheeriness, love, and beauty. Good things in life,
but are they what a beautiful woman to think of you? I don't recommend
wearing pink; it's too risky.
• Purple. Purple stands for powerful things: royalty, magic, and mystery.
Unfortunately, it's also featured prominently in the gay community. It's
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a risky color to wear, and one that I wouldn't recommend. You
definitely can't wear purple pants or shorts, and the shirts are dubious,
so why bother?
In short, red, black, blue, and burgundy are the winning colors to wear, with
red and burgundy most alluring to females. Try them out!
Recommended Resources
http://www.askmen.com/fashion/fashiontip/49_fashion_advice.html
How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, by Leil Lowndes
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6. Believe in Yourself
GOAL: Develop a rock-solid belief in yourself that women find irresistible.
You get what you give. That means if you give women and your friends a man
who's broken, obsessed, needy and insecure about things...you'll get nothing
back. Women won't be attracted to you, friends won't enjoy your company,
and the whole attraction process becomes a lot more difficult!
Independence and your own internal frame of reference are ways of saying
that you control your destiny and do not let other people control your
emotions. You can choose to let having a particular woman rule your life...or
you can find happiness from within. Which will you choose?
If you want to develop internal game so strong that women will be attracted to
you just by your air of confidence and self-assuredness, it's time to start
developing the 3 C's:
• Comfort
• Confidence
• Control
1. AFFIRMATIONS.
• To train the unconscious mind, you have to consciously state what you
want to be true.
• If you want to be rich, say, "I am successful and wealthy." The
unconscious mind processes this and believes it.
• While you may consciously not believe it at the moment, systematically
stating it to the unconscious mind will, in fact, make it a reality. So if
you want to become successful with women, state, "I am attractive and
successful with women."
• Notice something interesting: the unconscious mind can't process
negatives. If I tell you, "Don't think about Pamela Anderson naked right
now," are you really not going to think about her? Of course you will
think about her naked! That just shows how the unconscious mind
works.
• Tell your mind not to do something, and it will do it anyway.
• So always state positives. Say, "I will get beautiful women," and you
WILL.
• You also have to state these in the present tense, and in the first
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person.
• Do NOT say, "You WILL get beautiful women," or, "I am going to get
beautiful women." B
• By making your goal a present reality, you ensure that it is a self-
fulfilling prophecy.
• Big lesson: Words have power. Tell yourself you can't get hot women,
and you literally can't. But say, "I attract beautiful women," and you
will.
2. VISUALIZATION.
• Picture what success is like.
• If this means being happy with yourself, visualize yourself smiling,
walking with an extra step, not worrying. Visualize the reality.
• Breathe in and out, and FEEL the success.
• If you want to be successful with women, you have to first BE: Say that
you ARE successful with women.
• Next DO--go out and get beautiful women. You've already said you're
attractive to beautiful women, so this WILL happen.
• Finally, HAVE--actually have a hot woman by your side. This will come
with time.
• Those are the pillars of success. For more on this, I highly recommend
you read "The Tao of Dating," by Dr. Alex Benzer.
1. Never talk down yourself. All this does is tell a girl you're high
maintenance, insecure, and not fun to be around. Remember, no NEGATIVE
statements, only positive ones.
2. Never talk down your past girlfriends--this shows bitterness and
insecurity..
3. Don't be afraid to talk about yourself. Unlike Mr. Yellow and Mr. Pink,
who are either too shy or too scared to talk about themselves much, Mr. Red
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talks with pride about what he does. While he is a good listener, he is also a
good talker, being careful not to boast but also not shying away from talking
about himself. When you make the subject of a conversation all about the
woman, not only do you feed her ego but also make yourself look uninteresting.
Who wants that? However, this does bring me to my fourth rule, which is to
listen to the girl. Ask her questions, and repeat back what she said. You can
hear more in my lesson specifically on listening. Asking questions and actually
listening to what she says goes a long way towards showing you're not so full of
yourself that you're an arrogant jerk.
4. Talk highly about your friends. This is a great way to show happiness in
yourself--by building up others! It achieves the double purpose of presenting a
person who loves company, and of showing that you're not so full of yourself
that you don't appreciate other people. In this world, you get what you give.
If you give out positive messages and happiness to others, you'll get that back.
But conversely, if you talk crap about others, people will treat YOU like crap.
And you won't get any girls.
5. Talk with passion. Just by telling a girl stories, whether interesting or not,
with passion and excitement, you are showing her that you are a fun person to
be with, and a person who has enjoyed life by being himself. You are happy in
your own skin, so act like it! People with love for themselves are enthusiastic
and passionate.
6. JUST BE YOURSELF. Not being yourself shows a lack of love for yourself,
and shows that you need a girl's approval to be happy with yourself.
Remember, no dependence--independence! Happiness comes from within, not
from outside. Act like who you want to be, the type of person who makes YOU
happy with yourself. Don't be what you THINK others want you to be. Living
for others is an Instant mistake; you're giving too much power to women, and
they actually don't want that. They want a man who's in command of himself,
who controls his situations from within. Being yourself, and being damn proud
of it, shows an independence from women, which in turn makes you more
attractive. Girls LOVE men who aren’t independent; as you heard, they want a
man on a path. Well, if you have love for yourself, you ARE on a path, and that
path is full of success and happiness.
So empower yourself, by being yourself. And telling yourself that who you are
is the best person out there. THAT'S a winner's game!
Recommended Resources
Face the Fear and Do It Anyway, by Dr. Susan A. Jeffers
Working on Yourself Doesn't Work, by Ariel and Shya Kane
The Tao of Dating, by Dr. Alex Benzer
Double Your Dating, by David DeAngelo
The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
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DECISION POINT #2: WHAT DO I EXPECT FROM
WOMEN
LESSONS 1 & 2
Understanding Women, Parts 1 & 2
GOAL: To learn and understand what women want and need, and use the
facts to your attraction advantage
The hard facts we men need to know and consider before you go on a night
in the town:
1. Ambition,
2. status, and
3. financial resources.
1. Education level
2. Physical height, and
3. Salary level.
• You don't actually have to join the fire department or train for the NFL
to attract women: simply join a gym, learn how to defend yourself and
others, and take care of your immune system by eating well.
• A man with a strong immune system actually gives off pheromones that
women subconsciously smell. Their brains tell them that a man who is
healthy and strong, would make a good mate.
• Ever get frustrated that women SAY they want nice guys...but then don't
give them the time of day compared to bad boys? There's a reason for
women going for bad boys: they're more likely to protect them. It's part
of evolutionary psychology:
• 'While we know at head level we want a sensitive, caring mate who will
empathize with us, there's a gut instinct telling us we should go for the
hairy macho bloke. This basically goes back to evolutionary psychology.
Women are attracted to the big, strong mate who will give her healthy
children and fight off saber-tooth tigers. A man who is traditionally
masculine is more likely to attract us initially.'
• What does this mean for us men? It means you really do have to prove
yourself a catch if a woman is going to risk pregnancy by sleeping with
you. Fortunately, by learning my techniques, you'll separate yourself
from the rest of the men out there, so women will gladly risk pregnancy
to be with you!
• The good news for single men is, evolutionary psychologists are
increasingly suggesting that there are benefits to women sleeping
around. Many of women's actions are driven by the need to protect their
children, and having many male partners increases the chance of her
children's survival; more lovers means more fathers. Dr. Buss calls this
"Mate insurance." For guys who are single, this is great. For guys who
are in or get into a relationship, be careful! You can do this by providing
the things women want most: a strong man with a good immune system,
who can provide a comfortable living for herself and the children.
• Also remember that whereas we men cheat on our spouses mostly for
physical pleasure, women cheat for emotional understanding. They
cheat when men don't give them the love and compassion they need. So
be a good listener, take care of your partner's emotional needs, and
watch after her and the children, and you won't have to fear.
Nearly 75% of signals women receive from men are not from what we say, but
how we say and how our bodies are positioned. Clearly body language is
important!
• Why are women so much more emotional than us men? Similar to why
they are better communicators, women have many more "hot spots" for
emotions: it occurs in both the left and right lobes of their brains,
whereas in men, emotions are located in only the right hemisphere of
the brain.
• Men's brains can operate separately from other brain functions, whereas
with women, emotions offer occur simultaneously.
• Men can argue logic and words, then switch to spatial situations, without
getting emotions involved.
• As Barbara and Allen Pease write in the excellent book, "Why Men Don't
Listen, and Women Can't Read Maps," "A woman leaves a man not
because she is unhappy with what he can provide, but because she is
emotionally unfulfilled...She wants love, romance, conversation...a man
needs to be romantic, and, most of all, listen when a woman talks,
without offering solutions."
• Got it guys? Show love, talk lots, be romantic, but also be a man: a
provider and a protector. It's not always easy, but the sooner you
realize it, the greater you'll succeed with women.
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Quotable Quote
"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her
mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.”
Reading Resources:
Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps, by Barbara and Allan
Pease
The Anatomy of Love, by Helen Fisher
How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, by Leil Lowndes
Why Men Don't Have a Clue, and Women Need More Shoes, by Barbara and
Allan Pease
Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman
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3. The Power of Choice
GOAL: To become aware of the importance of choice, and not settle for girls
who are not what you want or treat you with disrespect. Get over your fear
and go after only the kinds of girls YOU find attractive--no matter how hot
or untenable they may seem.
"The more a man can come from a place of choice…two things happen, #1, the
higher quality women he will attract, and #2, the more likely the relationships
will last, because he won’t rush into something that isn’t ideal."
-Relationship expert, Ken Kenny
• Different people make the SAME mistake: they settle for the woman
who they think will love them, have sex with them, maybe even
marry them.
• But when you SETTLE, you get what you pay for, and often, that is
DISASTER. It's a miserable relationship, a nasty break-up, an expensive
and violent divorce. All because you didn't go for who you want, who's
TOP on your choice list.
• So it pays to take it a little slow, to make sure that you and your partner
are on the same PATH, that she fits into your LIFE PURPOSE.
"Although she would never admit it, she wants to feel that her man would be willing
to sacrifice their relationship for the sake of his highest purpose."
-David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
It is possible to be attracted to have chemistry with lots of people. But that
doesn't mean everyone you're attracted to or have chemistry with should not be
your relationship partner.
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Save yourself a lot of trouble by choosing a girl based on your purpose, not
a purpose based on your girl!!!
EXERCISE
Lisa Paries has a great article about the dangers of settling. She encourages
you to avoid settling by asking yourself these questions:
Add you own questions to the list to distill your relationship values."
Ultimately, choice is about what YOU want in a girl. You have to be upfront
and honest with yourself to determine who you really want to be with. Does
the girl fit into your purpose? Does she support and encourage you in what you
do? Does she have the looks and the behaviors that will make you happy...or
unhappy? The price of not being choosy...is misery for many, many years.
If you'd like to learn more, I highly recommend you read "The Relationship
Mistake of Settling," by Gary Caine. It's a quick but powerful article you can
find at:
http://www.singlescafe.net/settling-in-relationship.html
Here's something you need to know: the choosier you are, the better women
you get.
• Better girls, by being choosy. Because girls respect a guy who settles for
nothing but the best
• Additionally, the choosier you are, the more likely your relationship
will LAST. Why? Because you didn't SETTLE--you got what you want.
• Think of it like this: It's like settling for a Mazda when you really wanted
- 27 -
a BMW. The Mazda might be okay, but it won't be as fun as a Beamer.
Eventually, you'll want a refund, a trade-in: you'll opt out. But go with
your first choice, the BMW, and you'll always be happy!
• Women want to feel EARNED. They want to feel like a man wanted her
and her only. They want to feel like out of all the millions of women out
there, you aimed for just HER.
• Women go for the man who's HARD TO GET, who doesn't need her, who
is only interested in her because there's something fantastic about her
that separates her from the rest.
• Women want what they can't have. They want a challenge. The harder
you make it for her to get you, the more attractive you become.
"Let the attractive women tell you of her extraordinary business acumen
before you suggest lunch to talk about collaboration...Let your quarry feel she
earned your interest or attentions through her brilliance, fascinating
personality, her talents, her wonderful uniqueness. Then she'll value your
company all the more. Because she got it the old-fashioned way...she earned
it."
Take 5 minutes to describe the things you want, and absolutely can't stand,
in women. Don't hold back: be absolutely honest in what you really want.
Because if you're not honest now, you'll pay for it later, with a miserable
relationship, or worse, no relationship at all! If a girl sees that you'll go for
just anyone--you'll get no one. They'll see you're easy, you're boring, you
have nothing special to offer. They won't be attracted to you.
- 28 -
• Or, "If you expect the best, you'll get the best."
• Believe in yourself, don't take crap from anyone, stick by your decision
to demand the best from women, and you'll be met with success. You'll
be seen as a stand-up guy, a guy who settles for nothing less than the
best.
• Women, regardless of beauty, want a quality guy who pushes for the
best. It's part of their instincts; they want a protector. Who protects
better, a guy who lets women run all over him? Or a guy who DEMANDS
respect and calls women out on immature, disrespectful, and shameful
behaviors?
"If you don't know why a woman fits in your life..if she doesn't fit your
purpose, then you're not being in integrity with yourself. You might be
accepting 2nd rate behavior from YOURSELF."
-David DeAngelo
• Stay clear to your purpose, make sure she fits into your path. If she
doesn't, move on. The funny thing is, a woman respects a guy who walks
away from her a lot more than one who hangs around.
• Choose to demand nothing but the best for yourself, and go for only the
types of girls who earn your respect. That's happiness, and that's what
going to get you the best girls out there.
Quotable Quote:
"Happiness or unhappiness is often a matter of choice."
-Anonymous
- 29 -
4. Expectations and Attitude
GOAL: To manage expectations and develop a winning attitude
• Have you ever noticed that the less you expect something to happen,
the more likely it will occur?
• When you EXPECT a girl to go home with you, she tends to pick up on
your desperation and not give you what you want.
• When you EXPECT her to chase you and give you her phone number,
she doesn't.
• But when you’re care-free and don’t NEED a woman to go home with
you—that’s when things start to go your way. When you develop a
freedom, an independence of will, suddenly your expectations and
desires come true.
QUOTE
“Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling
prophecy.”
-Brian Tracy, Professional life coach
Let’s look at how some of our own Reservoir Dogs approach expectations,
and how they could change it.
1 Mr. Pink, the real softie, expects nothing from himself. He hopes to
find a great, caring girl, but has been hurt before and doesn’t expect
much from either himself or the women he meets. His past hurts
become his present limitations.
2 Mr. White, the Oneitis guy, expects the girl of his dreams to show up.
He expects the expected, which is his biggest mistake.
3 Mr. Brown, the boring guy, expects girls to listen to him and be amazed.
He doesn’t expect them to reject him; he considers himself a catch so
he’s got to get someone. His inability to see his own faults damages his
chances severely.
4 Mr. Blue expects the worst from girls. He expects a miserable night full
of bitches who won’t give him a chance.
5 Mr. Yellow expects to get his heart stabbed, and fears talking to girls.
- 30 -
He expects to get hurt, thus doesn’t even want to go out for fear of
doing something stupid.
6 Mr. Orange expects a wild night. He tells himself he’s going to get
drunk and get laid. Even when his expectations aren’t realized, he
continues every week to go out with unrealistic standards.
One can see what might be wrong with the expectations of these guys.
• Mr. Pink expects nothing from himself; he has too little confidence.
What girl is going to be attracted to that?
• Mr. White only wants one girl; he ignores the rest. He expects to find
perfection but doesn’t realize that there isn’t always just “One”, there
are MANY. He expects to find one girl and live happily, but the truth is
that, in most cases, you have to practice with different girls before you
find Ms. Right. Additionally, as in my case, the best girls often appear
when you’re LEAST expecting them—not when you’re actively searching
them out.
• Mr. Brown expects girls to listen to his monologues without giving them
a chance to speak themselves. He only wants to talk about himself, not
listen to others. He’s definitely heading towards disappointment.
• Mr. Blue fulfills his own prophecy. Because of his unsuccessful past, he
doesn’t think he can get girls, and so he doesn’t. He expects to
encounter nasty attitudes, and because of his own grouchiness, does.
He gives meaning to Henry Ford’s classic quote, “If you think you can,
you can. And if you think you can't, you're right.”
• Mr. Yellow fears everything, and gets nothing. The only thing he
expects is heartbreak, and GETS it because, somehow, girls never go for
a guy who’s afraid of both them and himself.
• Mr. Orange, like Mr. Brown, has unrealistic expectations. He expects
one thing, and one thing only: SEX. Every night. His expectations are
too limited; he can’t just enjoy the moment. He’s always looking to the
future, and he doesn’t see anything happening with a girl, he quits on
her. Mr. Orange misses out on some great women because of his
unrealistic, unfair expectations. He doesn’t realize that good things
come when you’re not looking for them. If he lived more in the
moment, he might become more attuned to what’s going on, and
actually get what he wanted.
So what does our fearless Mr. Red do? When it comes to expectations, Mr. Red
knows what to expect of himself—and what to expect of other people.
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has confidence when talking to women, knowing that it’s just a matter
of presenting yourself as a fun person who’s in control of himself. He
does not let the girl’s beauty blind him.
2 Mr. Red knows that treating one girl like a goddess, like “The One” is
not healthy for either person involved. He has fun with the
relationship, and sees what will happen. If Ms. Right is to show up, it
will be on her time, not his. Mr. Red does not live with unrealistic
expectations of love at first sight.
3 Unlike Mr. Brown, Mr. Red doesn’t expect girls to just listen to him.
He knows that he will have to listen to them, as well. Communication is
a two-way street, and a man who listens and understands is VERY
attractive to females.
4 The only prophecies Mr. Red fulfills are those in which he believes
good thing will happen. He does not predict bad things to happen,
because he knows that thinking and saying bad things will happen, will
make it so. His positive attitude makes his night a good one, regardless
of outcome.
5 Mr. Red knows that fear is his biggest enemy. He knows that girls
don’t want a guy who fears them; they want a guy who is comfortable
and confident in their presence. He doesn’t expect to get his heart
ripped to pieces; he knows that he might be rejected or hurt, but does
not let that fear overwhelm his thoughts.
6 Additionally, unlike Mr. Orange, Mr. Red doesn’t expect every girl to
hook up with him. He lives in the moment, sees where things are going,
and is content if things don’t go all the way to the bedroom. His
expectations are realistic: he knows he’s good enough to go home with a
great girl, but he also knows that sometimes it takes time to develop
such things. His night is not judged on how many girls he brings home.
It’s judged on how much he’s grown from and enjoyed the evening.
7 Most importantly, Mr. Red also knows that good things happen when
he isn’t EXPECTING them. He knows to expect the unexpected, and to
not expect the expected. The best girls will come when he’s not
actively pursuing them.
Recommended Resources
"The Tao of Dating," by Dr. Alex Benzer
"Double Your Dating," by David DeAngelo
- 32 -
5. Absolute Power
GOAL: Transform your emotions. Get over the past, become a stronger,
better person NOW
"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche
1 Mr. Pink, the shy type, remembers his past failures, and gets himself
stuck in a vicious cycle: he remembers the pain of talking to women who
rejected him, so he stays shy, and never talks to women. He is his own
worst enemy.
2 Mr. White, like Mikey in Swingers, never forgets his past girlfriend, “The
One”, and thus never reaches out to new girls.
3 Mr. Brown remembers rejection but
4 Mr. Blue hates himself for his past mistakes and dwells on them to no
end. His constant negativity is his downfall; he cannot accept that the
past no longer means anything. He needs to see the positives in the
past.
5 Mr. Yellow is afraid of rejection and past hurt, so never advances. He’s
stuck in his fearful past and never gets out of it. Too many guys fear the
hell out of girls because of past humiliations, but don’t realize that each
approach is a fresh opportunity; the last one doesn’t count.
6 Mr. Orange never learns from the past. He concentrates on the present
and the future, while ignoring the lessons from mistakes he made in the
past. His problem is not dwelling on the past, but not learning from it.
Mr. Red, on the other hand, knows how to handle rejection and past mistakes:
- 33 -
For example, I know a guy who five years ago broke up with a girl, Kathy, he
was SURE was The One for him. She wasn’t, because she ended the
relationship and ended up marrying another guy. Now, my friend could have
become obsessed with the past, let it doom him forever. In fact, the first year
or so after the break-up he did just that. But after a while he learned to get on
with his life, and use his bad experiences to his ADVANTAGE. He decided that
he would grow from the experience; he wasn’t meant to be with Kathy, and
committed himself to fixing the wrongs he made with her: being too attached,
not spending more time with his friends, going out more. He became a better,
more fun person in the process, all because of his break-up from Kathy. That’s
because he saw the past not as a hole in the road, but as a bridge to a better
future.
Like my friend, Mr. Red knows how to overcome negative emotions that keep
you stuck in the past. He’s read the excellent book, Working on Yourself
Doesn’t Work, by Ariel and Shya Kane. It deals with the three principles of
transformation, which will help you move from being in the dumps, to feeling
great!
Say you had a bad break-up with a girl. You’ve got tons of regrets. But every
time those painful emotions come up, you resist them. You say, “No, I’m not
gonna let those bad memories consume me.” So you fight them, rebel against
them. But somehow, the problem only gets worse. You think that by putting
up a fight, the thoughts will go away. But they don’t. They come back with a
vengeance So clearly, resisting doesn’t help.
2. No two things can occupy the same space at the same time.
Pretty deep, huh? “No two things, can occupy the SAME space at the SAME
time.” But think about it like this: Can you be both ecstatic AND depressed?
You might be bipolar and go through both emotions, but you can’t experience
them at the same exact time. As we’ve seen, FIGHTING for happiness only
makes the sadness worse. Listen to the experts: “No two emotions can occupy
the same space at the exact same time.”
3. Anything that you recreate or have be exactly as it is, will complete itself
and disappear. Or to put it another way: “If you let things actually be the
way they are, they disappear.” So instead of fighting the emotion, confront it.
Don’t see it the way you feel it. See it the way it IS. Then watch as the
negative emotion <pop> disappears.
So take your negative emotions: guilt, anger, fear, depression, whatever, and
put them through the process. It takes time, and isn’t a cure-all, but I
guarantee you it’ll make you feel a lot better and advance you towards a
- 34 -
better future. You’ll become a better person, and in turn a lot more attractive
to girls. Who can argue with that?
Recommended Resources
"Working on Yourself Doesn't Work," by Ariel & Shya Kane
"Working on Your Relationships Doesn't Work," by Ariel & Shya Kane
"Unlimited Power," by Anthony Robbins
"The Way of the Superior Man," by David Deida
"The Tao of Dating," by Dr. Alex Benzer
Congratulations! You've just improved the way you handle emotions. Women
love a man who's in control, and you've just learned how to control yourself.
Your attraction meter…has gone up!
- 35 -
DECISION POINT #3: WHO AM I ATTRACTED TO?
1. Nice Guys
GOAL: To overcome "nice guy syndrome" and form the deep emotional
connections that make women so attracted to bad boys.
"A woman seems to want to be the most important thing in her man's life. However,
if she is the MOST important thing, then she feels her man has made her the number
one priority and is not fully dedicated or directed to divine growth and service. She
will feel her man's dependence on her for his happiness, and this will make her feel
smothered by his neediness and clinging. A woman really wants her man to be totally
dedicated to his highest purpose--and also to love her fully. Although she would
- 36 -
never admit it, she wants to feel that her man would be willing to sacrifice their
relationship for the sake of his highest purpose."
--David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
QUOTABLE QUOTE
“Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.”
-Evan Davis
Recommended Resources
"Double Your Dating," by David DeAngelo
"Tao of Dating," by Dr. Alex Benzer
- 38 -
2. Where to Meet Women
In this lesson I discussed with you some great places to meet girls OUTSIDE of
online dating. These include:
1 Abroad
2 At work
3 Evening Classes
4 Through family and friends
5 Random places, including public transportation
6 Places you work out: Gym, yoga, martial arts classes
7 Online Dating
8 Church or religious services and clubs
9 Karaoke clubs
10 Social groups and Clubs
ATTRACTION IN ACTION
As opposed to online dating, the other, "real" places to meet are sometimes
better because:
Resources
• http://www.000relationships.com/towomen/live/2006/09/05/where-to-
meet-women/
• For more information on how to approach women at these places, check
out Lesson D3 L11: How to Approach with Confidences
• For tips on how to impress women, check out D3 L7: Making
Impressions
• To understand female body language and how to use body language,
tonality, and space to your attraction advantage, check out D3 L10:
Flirting and Body Language
• If you meet a great girl at one of these places and want to prepare
yourself for the first date, check out Decision Point: Who Do I Want to
Date?
- 39 -
3. Networking
GOAL: Expand and utilize your social circle to more easily get the women
you want
How do you meet girls when you’re tired of going to the bar or club? Through
your network, of course. As someone once said,
"It's not what you know but who you know that makes the difference."
And having a great network will definitely make the difference in attracting
the girl of your dreams.
• Think of your dating success as being like a business: you need contacts
to make it grow.
• The more people you know, the more chances you have of meeting “Ms.
Right”.
• As one study in the book "Sex in America" found, nearly two-thirds of
married couples met through friends, family, or co-workers. That’s 66%
of people meeting through a network! Never underestimate the power
of expanding, and utilizing, your social chain.
How do you do this? Let’s take a look at how our smooth Mr. Red builds and
manages his network of friends, family, and acquaintances.
• Knowing your life purpose goes a huge way towards finding the people
who are right for you.
• Hang around people who are familiar with your passions and purpose.
• This way, you always have something to talk about, and people are on
the same page as you, committed to helping you out.
This may sound like common sense, but a lot of guys think they can do this
stuff alone. Don’t be afraid to use the guys you know as wing men. Mr. Red
invites his buddies out for a night of drinks and fun. Even if they don’t score,
- 40 -
they still have a good time; Mr. Red treats them well and thanks them for
joining him.
• Mr. Red isn’t afraid to let people in his social circle know that he is
single.
• He especially lets the female members of his circle know—including
friends of friends, and even family of friends. Mr. Red is aware that
women LOVE to play matchmaker, and if you want one person to help
you find women, it’s a girl with single friends (ideally hot ones, of
course!).
• Mr. Red encourages his female friends to help him out by taking them
out for dinner or buying them a small gift, as a token of his gratitude for
looking out for him. This, of course, not only shows thanks but also
encourages girls to continue looking out for him.
• However, there is one thing Mr. Red is clear about when he lets his
network know he's on the market: He lets people know WHAT KIND OF
WOMEN HE WANTS. He retains his sense of CHOICE.
• As you learned in my lesson on choice, you don't want to settle for just
any woman.
• Many times match-makers will try to set you up based on the availability
of their friends, not on who's right for you. So be clear in what kind of
woman you want; if you want an athletic, intelligent girl, don't let them
set you up with a cigar-chomping, chip-chewing high-school reject. It
won't be good for either of you, and it'll make you less attractive in the
process.
• Be adamant in what you want, remembering that a man who is choosy
gets higher-quality women, and longer-lasting, more fulfilling
relationships.
2. Next, remember people's names. As , and ask people how they're doing.
People LOVE to be called by their names and genuinely asked how they're
doing, so if you come off as sincere, sociable, and fun, you'll have no problem
making acquaintances wherever you go. Make an effort to remember
everyone's names, for as Dale Carnegie says:
“If you want to win friends, make it a point to remember them. If you
remember my name, you pay me a subtle compliment; you indicate that I have
made an impression on you. Remember my name and you add to my feeling of
importance.”
-Dale Carnegie
3. Finally, ask people how they're doing. Not anxiously, not desperately.
Just in a relaxed, calm, confident manner. Be the guy who says, "Hey, Jimbo,
how's it goin'?" People love a guy who seems like he wants to know how they're
actually doing. It's an overused question, "how are you," but if you make it
sound sincere, there's no limit to the power you have over people. They WILL
become your friends and help you to find women. THAT'S a winner's game!
Recommended Resources
"How to Talk to Anyone," by Leil Lowndes
"Double Your Dating," by David DeAngelo
"Voice Power," by Renee Grant-Williams
Sex in America, by Robert T. Micheal, John H. Gagnon, Edward O. Laumann,
and Gina Kolata
- 42 -
4. The Power of Travel
GOAL: Understand the value of travel in meeting women & making yourself
more attractive
QUOTE
“The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.”
-Saint Augustine
Travel is an incredible weapon for meeting women, foreign and domestic. If you’ve
never traveled or don't do it much, you’re missing out on a goldmine:
Guys who don’t travel, are limiting themselves to the girls and experiences of only one
nation: who wants to be like that? Additionally, guys who are not well-traveled
exhibit lesser class, lesser value. When it comes to projecting value, few things are as
easy as talking about your travels.
Guys like Mr. Blue only see the negatives in traveling: sure it costs money. Sure
people in foreign countries are different than you. You have to deal with different
languages, different currencies, and different cultures. And yes, sometimes it’s a pain
in the butt spending so much time on a plane, train, or bus.
• Because when you’ve traveled, you can talk about your experiences with girls—
and THAT automatically makes you more interesting.
• When girls see you're fun to be around in other countries, it subtly tells them
you're fun to be around...at home!
• Makes you more attractive, regardless of looks…though a nice tan definitely
helps!
• Remember women’s evolutionary instincts: they want a man with status, a man
with educational smarts who can pay for a comfortable lifestyle.
• Well, a guy who can afford to travel definitely exudes class.
• He also exhibits financial resources and ambition, two big things women look
for in a man.
So, by traveling you meet a woman's instincts, no matter where you meet women: at
home, and abroad. They’re all the same in the end. One thing girls of all nations
have in common: they love a guy who’s well traveled.
- 43 -
What Mr. Red Does Abroad...
• When he’s abroad, our smooth operator, Mr. Red, makes every effort to speak
the language.
• Even if he sucks at the language, he’s aware that girls love guys who make an
effort with their language.
• Speaking another language shows intelligence, cosmopolitan class, and high
status (to know many languages). And lots of foreign know English anyway, so
you’ll be able to talk to them.
• Being the sharp opportunist he is, Mr. Red actually uses girls’ broken English to
make himself look better!
• He jokes about their accents, tells them naughty words, asks them funny
questions to see if they understand. What Mr. Red is doing is BUILDING HIGHER
VALUE by making himself look witty, sharp, and funny.
• ACCENTS are a great way to demonstrate higher value
• Use your accent to full effect: especially if you have a European or Latino
accent, girls will love to hear it!
• Americans and Canadians: girls abroad do enjoy the North American accents!
They’ll especially want to know more about living in big countries like the
States and Canada, so Mr. Red is sure to talk enthusiastically about his land and
lifestyle. He doesn’t put down his own country; in fact, he talks with energy
and pride, so people feel his enthusiasm and want to join him there.
• Make sure to get girls' e-mails. Joke that you're a part-time tour operator, and
you give great tours of everything: easy way to have them visit (and get some
nookie)
Which is no surprise, really. As George Moore once said, “A man travels the world in
search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”
Recommended Resources:
How to Talk to Anyone, by Leil Lowndes
Sex in America, by Robert T. Micheal, John H. Gagnon, Edward O. Laumann
Let's Go or Lonely Planet tour books!!!
- 44 -
5. Always Be in Control
GOAL: Develop control over your emotions and your situations so that women
become irresistibly drawn to you, and you can master any situation.
Control is essential. It is the alpha and the omega of inner game, the WAY to
getting the girls you adore. Whether it’s before, during, or after a relationship,
it’s something you need to have. With control, you can do anything with women:
approach them, converse with them, have a special relationship, have intimate
contact. It moves you forward, gives you the confidence you need to achieve your
objectives—and the strength to overcome failure and rejection. Some guys can
never get over a break-up or mistake, but with an internal sense of control, you
can.
In short, having control means heading up and moving forward. Not having control
means you don’t move forward. Only backwards. You don’t rise up; you only fall
down. So decide in what direction you want to go.
But what does it mean to have control? How does this apply to the dating game?
Let’s review the lessons of our first lesson:
"As a practice always help your woman make decisions by giving her your
perspective and telling her your choices, while letting her know that you love
her regardless of the decision she makes. Often her feminine feelings will be
a much better basis for a decision than your masculine analysis. So, encourage
her to feel into the situation and trust her feelings. BUT, for the sake of
polarity and happiness in intimacy, always tell her what YOU would do and
why, even if you think she should make her own decision." [emphasis added]
-The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida
- 45 -
Control DURING a relationship
1 Firm in his decisions; does not hesitate; decisive.
"If she asks you which shoes you think look better on her, make a decision, and
tell her. Don't say, 'They're both nice.' Say something like, 'I like red shoes,
but what's the most important to me is that you're happy.'...Offering your
perspective on decisions is one way to give your masculine gift."
-David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
2 Controls his anger and suspicions; only accuses when he has proof
3 Talks with respect to girlfriend; does not let insecurities rule his actions
4 Does not let women get away with disrespectful behavior; stands up for
himself and calls girlfriend/wife out
"You should always listen to your women, and then make your own decision. If
you choose to go with your woman's decision even when deep in your heart you
feel that another decision is more wise, you are, in effect, saying, 'I don't trust
my own wisdom.' You are weakening yourself by telling yourself this. You are
weakening your woman's trust in you: why should she trust your wisdom if you
don't?"
-David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
1. I will not give excess importance to what someone else thinks or says.
2. I will cue my behavior to what she does, not what she says.
3. I am the only person allowed to declare me a failure, and I refuse to do so.
4. I'm not attached to any particular result, so I will tease and play with her just for
fun.
5. I will positively reinforce the behaviors that I like in other people and neglect
the behaviors that I don't like.
6. I will always leave her wanting more.
EXERCISE:
Which emotions do you need greater control over? Fear, anger, feelings of
inferiority, addiction?
Do you project higher or lower status to women? Do you bow down to women,
or let them bow down to you?
In what ways do you project higher value to girls? In what ways do you think
you could? (Consult Lesson 13 on Projecting Value for answers!)
Do you have a purpose in life, or do you walk through life with no direction?
What are some ways to control the way your date goes?
Conquer your problems with sex, again, by stating, "I am in control during sex.
Women are attracted to me and enjoy my intimacy." If you say it enough, it
will become true. Act the part by believing in yourself.
Recommended Resources
"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway," by Susan A. Jeffers
"The Tao of Dating," by Dr. Alex Benzer
"Working on Yourself Doesn't Work," by Ariel & Shya Kane
"Working on Your Relationships Doesn't Work," by Ariel & Shya Kane
"Anxiety Zapper," by Alexandra Mannock
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6. Gaining Attention
GOAL: Learning how to successfully get a women's attention and interest
Lots of guys go about getting female attention in entirely wrong ways. Let’s
see what DOESN’T work:
• Mr. Pink is too shy; he waits for girls to come to him instead of going
out and getting their attention himself.
• Mr. White is always on the hunt for “The One”, so he doesn’t try to get
the attention of other girls who might be good for him. He limits
himself to one woman, and that never works. Variety, and using one
woman to attract other women, are the keys to attracting women.
• Mr. Brown tries the same old ways to get girls’ attention; he never tries
anything new, and repeatedly fails. Sometimes you have to try new
techniques and approaches, but Mr. Brown refuses.
• Mr. Yellow is afraid of rejection, so he tries not to get too much
attention. He hopes girls will just come to him. But we know how well
that line of thought works!
• Mr. Blue is okay at getting attention, but when his efforts don’t work he
gets grumpy and negative, preventing himself from landing other gals.
He forgets that attitude is very much an attention-getter. If you send
positive energy and positive vibes, people will gravitate around you.
Unfortunately, Mr. Blue sends negative energy and negative vibes,
repelling women further away.
• Mr. Orange’s idea of getting girls’ attention is to posture himself as the
Alpha Male of the group, which can often work well. But his drunken,
loutish behavior drives them away more than it pulls them in.
Mr. Red doesn’t let his moods or emotions get the better of him. He knows
that to get female attention, you have to be positive, even in the face of
rejection or worse. There are 5 great ways he knows how to get attention,
including:
The first great way to attract women's attention is to follow the evolutionary
instincts that are programmed into their brains. What do women instinctually
search for in men? There's five things:
* Status
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* Body positioning
* Financial Resources
* Educational Level
* Physical Aptitude (Height, Muscles, etc.)
* Ambition
Okay, so educational level and ambition take some time to show to a woman;
you actually have to talk to her for her to get to know those things. Financial
resources aren't available to every guy, and are very shallow in attracting
women. Think about they type of women you really want to attract--and for
that I recommend my lesson on CHOICE--before you go out and spend thousands
of dollars on a Gucci watch or hot sports car. Women are attracted to money,
but if you make your possessions your only means of attracting them, two
things happen:
1-Women see that you are insecure in yourself; that you need money to prove
your worth. They see that YOU yourself are not a catch; only your personal
possessions are impressive.
2-The type of women who DO chase men with money, generally aren't high
quality. They'll suck you dry, and not love you for you. They'll love you for
your wealth. Is that the kind of woman you want to attract?
1. Status.
• Girls want to know the guy they're talking to is of higher status than
them.
• Main reason is because men with status can protect and provide for his
wife and his children.
• A man with status provides a comfortable living style for the woman,
and gives hope of a better future. Think of all the girls who make
peanuts for salary, who live in the rough part of town, who dream of
escaping their present conditions. A man with status has the power and
the resources to whisk her away to a better life.
• But do you need to be the President of the United States to have high
status? Hell no! As Dr. Alex Benzer writes in The Tao of Dating, "You
can either have the real determinants of social status--power, wealth,
and looks--or you can successfully convey the indicators of status. For
men, some of these are relaxed body language, deep tone of voice,
measured pace of speech, economy of movement, wit, and general
excellence."
• In other words, you don't have to be of high status--you just have to high
status indicators. Throughout this course, you'll be learning how to use
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your body language, tonality of voice, and movements around an area to
convey that you are a high status CATCH.
2. Physical Aptitude.
• Did you know that a man who is in good shape and good health, releases
pheromones from his immune system?
• These chemical pheromones catch a woman's attention by subconsciously
letting her know that you are healthy and strong, and can pass on good
genes to her children. She may not think "This guy will make me strong
babies," but it's what's going through her mind.
• Never forget that, even if she's looking for a one-night shag, women are
ALWAYS thinking about what kind of father and husband you could be.
By staying in good shape and eating well, women will notice you, and
think highly of you.
• What do I recommend? Eat well. Stay away from drugs, junk food, and
other body pollutants.
• The less crap you have coming into your body, the stronger and more
immune your body will become. That means women will notice you
more.
• They want a guy who will always be ready, and ABLE, to protect and
provide for her. Think about it: What should women want more, a guy
who's pale, out of shape, always sick, scrawny, who can't even defend
himself if danger comes near...or a guy whose skin looks healthy, is trim
and muscular, has a healthy immune system, and has the strength and
energy to kick butt if his family is ever threatened?
• You can't blame women for wanting guys who are muscular and tall; this
is a sign, to them, that the man will be able to defend his partner and
their children.
4. PEACOCKING.
• Only for men who can make fools of themselves with confidence and
enjoy getting EVERYONE'S attention!
• Basically, dress up in the most ridiculous and outlandish get-up you can
think of.
• Whether it's a space suit and a fedora with 6-inch platform shoes, or a
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red polyester suit with ski goggles, Mystery advocates it all.
• The idea is that girls will instantly be curious, and instead of having to
go to them, THEY'LL come to you. Curiosity takes effect.
• Part of David DeAngelo's maxim, "Be different in an attractive way."
• Sets you apart from 99% of the other guys out there
• Instant attention; many times girls will approach you!
5. ENERGY.
• Girls love guys who bring excitement like they've never seen before,
whether it's in the club...or in the bedroom.
• If you're bursting with energy, bursting with optimism and hope, girls
will just be mesmerized by you.
• A simple SMILE communicates excitement and will catch a girl's attention
effectively
• Key principle: Enthusiasm is contagious
6. SOCIAL PROOF.
• Make yourself the center of attention
• Position yourself in the center of a room, and at the center of a group
(see Notes on Body Language and Spatial Positioning)
• Calm, collected body language and enthusiastic talk
• If you can get a female friend, even a sister, to come out with you, DO
IT
• NOTHING validates and catches a girl's trust and attention more than
seeing other females with you. The hotter, the better
POWER QUOTES:
“It's beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your
heart.”
“The successful person places more attention on doing the right thing rather
than doing things right.”
-Peter F. Drucker
Recommended Resources
The Venusian Arts Handbook, by Erik von Markovic (aka Mystery)
Double Your Dating, by David DeAngelo
The Art of Approaching, by Joseph Matthews
Secrets to Becoming the Alpha Male, by Carlos Xuma
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7. Making Dynamite Impressions
GOAL: Discover the 5 emotions you need to stir in women to create surefire
impressions that will make them want YOU
I'll give you an example. I know this guy, Dave, who meets girls. And Dave's
not very good looking. Messy hair, pale skin, a bit of a beer belly, and he's only
about 5'8".
The way Mr. Red does this is by “breaking her state”. That is, he does
something she didn’t see coming, which gives her the emotion of surprise.
SURPRISE is an amazing emotion to give girls. When you do something they
didn’t expect, especially something funny or unusual, you’re giving women
MEMORIES linked directly to YOU. Her brain will chemically process you in her
memory, and good or bad, the fact that she’s got a chemical impression of you
that separates you from everyone else—that’s a good thing!
Let’s look at an example of something Mr. Red does to surprise a girl no matter
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where he meets here. Say, for argument’s sake, he’s at a bar: he wants to talk
to a girl at a table. What does he do? Use the standard, recycled pickup lines?
Try to buy her a drink? Give her a compliment?
Nah, those are all approaches she’s expecting. There’s no surprise involved, no
emotional rollercoaster.
ATTRACTION IN ACTION
But what happens if Mr. Red does something unconventional? Say he goes up
to a girl and challenges her immediately to a game of thumb wars. Or says,
“Hey, I’d like to get to know you, but I can’t talk to you until you’ve guessed
the secret word?” This is probably something she hasn’t seen before, and
she’s faced with a guy who’s confident enough to ask her something like that,
and obviously a funny guy, at that. The thumb wars approach—going up to a
girl, saying nothing but extending your hand in the thumb wars gesture—is also
a classic that will certainly surprise the girl and make her laugh, as well as
participate. Just like that Mr. Red has made an impression as a guy who’s
different and entertaining.
This leaves her with the emotion of calmness; she knows she’s not with a guy
who’s insecure and sensitive. She’s with a MAN, a man who takes care of
himself and rebounds from rejection. The fact that he doesn’t need
her…makes HER want him more!
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said; this makes her feel validated and special, and she’ll tie those
emotions to YOU.
Check out on my lesson on Listening to hear more about how to make a girl feel
important. Mr. Red knows that a woman never forgets him if he listens well;
and the way she DOES remember him has nothing to do with his looks or
money—it’s connected to how he made her feel. As someone once said,
“Whatever makes an impression on the heart seems lovely in the eye.”
1. Throw parties. Nothing says you love fun and enjoy people more than
inviting every over for a party. It also gives you CONTROL and POWER by
making you the master of the social environment. People look up to YOU when
you are the host.
2. Invite people out. Likewise, be the guy who invites people over to his
house or out to the bars. Be known as an exciting, thrill-a-minute guy who's
always down for a little fun. Don't be afraid to announce to a group, "Hey,
we're doing to such and such a bar, come with us!" If other people are going
with you, believe me, women will feel the pressures of social proof to come
along with you. And along the way, they'll be impressed by your popularity.
Next,
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3. Smile! Yup, nothing says you're enjoying other's company MORE than a
smile. You can be a fun guy, but girls won't know it if you look uneasy or never
smile. Consult my lesson on Body Language to learn lots more about the
seductive power of a SMILE.
4. REMEMBER PEOPLE'S NAMES. What's in a name? A lot more than you think.
“If you want to win friends, make it a point to remember them. If you
remember my name, you pay me a subtle compliment; you indicate that I have
made an impression on you. Remember my name and you add to my feeling of
importance.”
-Dale Carnegie
1-Eliminate your desires. That is, show a woman a man who doesn't need her
in the sack, and she'll be instantly drawn to you. She'll be curious--"What's up
with this guy? He doesn't seem to need me..."
• This is a big one. Show a talent and a woman will forever be drawn to
you.
• Show her a card trick, or some crazy thing you can do with your elbow
because you're double-jointed.
• It doesn't have to be big; even something like being able to touch your
nose with your tongue can stimulate interest (in more ways than one!).
• All you have to do is make sure you show a girl you're worthy.
• So think about something you can do that's interesting, then when the
time is right--usually a lull in conversation--ask a girl if she wants to see
something cool. Make her curious for it before you just ruin the surprise
and do it.
ATTRACTION IN ACTION
Say, "Hey, wanna see something cool?" She'll say, "Sure." Then you can tease--
further showing your worthiness--by saying, "Well, you'll just have to wait."
Let her plead for a while, then show it to her--slowly. "Weeeeeeell, all right,
since you've been good." If she's been bad, say, "Sorry, you've been bad. Can't
show you my trick anymore. Such a shame, because it's really cool." When you
finally do show it, do it with flair and pizzazz.
• Girls love an entertainer. Just look at David Copperfield! And he's not
even a very good-looking guy, yet he got Claudia Schiffer. Not bad, but
hardly a surprise: he has talent!
3-Retreat, for as Heidegger said, "We pursue that which retreats from us."
When you show a woman you're not easy, that she has to "catch" you, you drive
her emotions wild. A guy who has the restraint, independence, and confidence
to leave just when things are getting good, impresses the hell out of women.
So that leads us to the final way of making impressions:
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7. Leave Her Wanting More
• The last, and most important, emotion you want to leave the girl with is
CURIOSITY.
• Even better is SUSPENSE: make her just dying to see what else you have
to offer.
• Just when things are looking good, tell her you have to leave.
• Don’t wait till the moment has passed; leave when the moment is there,
when that magic has just sparked.
• That way she’ll remember you for a great time, not the boredom and
awkwardness that come after it. She’ll want more, because her brain
will link past pleasure to future pleasure.
• Remember, as the philosopher Heideger once said, "We pursue that
which retreats from us."
QUOTABLE QUOTE
"The more natural and relaxed you are, the more natural and relaxed the right
woman will feel around you, the more she will want to be with you, until she
can’t live without you!”
-Barbara De Angelis in her excellent book, “The Real
rules”:
ATTRACTION IN ACTION
When you’re talking to a girl one-on-one, say something like, “Mmmm, it’s too
bad I have to go, I was gonna tell you something nobody else knows…” or,
“Hey, wanna know something cool I did?” She’ll say yes. “Well, sorry, you’ll
have to wait til next time. I gotta go. It’s too bad, too, it’s really
interesting.” This is a great way of teasing her, lowering her value, and
raising yours, all in one. Girls hate suspense, so she’ll be likely to want to see
you as soon as possible! In fact, you can use this for when you arrange a first
date: When you call her up, say, “Hey, so I bet you really want to hear my
secret. Guess we’ll have to meet up soon to end your suspense.” Then lead
her on during the whole date…I’ve done this before and my night ended with
me scoring. It’s guaranteed to work, so try it!
Recommended Resources
"Double Your Dating," by David DeAngelo
"The Tao of Dating," by Dr. Alex Benzer
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"The Way of the Superior Man," by David Deida
"Venusian Arts Handbook," by Mystery
Along with these techniques, consult the lessons on "Humor," "Body
Language," and "Understanding Women" to discover what you need to
know about what women want.
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8. Living in the Moment
GOAL: To take life less seriously, and enjoy whatever happens. You're
going to achieve success with women by overcoming thoughts of the past
and future, and embracing today.
• Commit yourself to being happy with who you are. Mr. Red knows that
if you can't live with yourself, you can't live with other people; you can't
ENJOY THE CIRCUMSTANCES. You become a Mr. Blue: always finding
faults and flaws with people, and nobody--especially girls---enjoys that
kind of person. As Dr. Alex Benzer, author of "The Tao of Dating,"
writes, "Make a decision right now to be comfortable in your own skin
and to accept yourself completely exactly as you are right now. Now is
the only time. And true fulfillment can only come from sharing your joy,
contentment, and self-sufficiency with the rest of the world." And the
time to do that, is right now.
• Use your own techniques and talk; speak from within. Mr. Orange
makes the mistake of using tips, tricks, and pickup lines somebody ELSE
made to try to pick up women. But not Mr. Red. Mr. Red knows that the
only style of picking up women that will work is the style you make your
own; the style you personalize to yourself and who you want to be. Like
Bruce Lee, famous for using a synergy of unique fighting style, MR. Red
does not just use one style, but many. Relationship expert, Carlos
Xuma, says, "“Build a house that is suitable for YOUR
personality…you’re gonna have your own style…pull it all together.
Create not a style, but a philosophy…Everything you can use until you
find what works best for your foundation.”
Got that? Do not be someone else; be yourself. Do not limit yourself to one
style; use many. And do not dwell on the past; use the techniques I listed
above to immerse yourself in the moment and be a lively part of every
situation. As Chris Cobbs said: “The past is never there when you try to go
back. It exists, but only in memory. To pretend otherwise is to invite a mess.”
• Notice what's going on. Take a moment, even a break from the
conversation, to observe what's going on. Successful pick-up artists and
"in" people do this all the time. They lean back, away from people
(subtly suggesting that they're above it all), and take in the scene.
When they do comment, it's usually something really good, because
they've taken the time to observe the scene and pick up something funny
or interesting that others, who don't live in the moment, miss.
Remember, if you're always living for tomorrow or yesterday, how can you
enjoy today?
EXERCISE
Go into the closest room and try to notice 5 unique things to talk about. It
could be something interesting, something funny, something unusual. Write
these five down and describe each. Practice talking about them. This helps
you notice things, live in the present, and develop your story-telling
capabilities.
POWER QUOTES
"Light tomorrow with today!"
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning
"Love the moment and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all
boundaries."
-Corita Kent
"You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the
time."
-Charles F Kettering-
Recommended Resources:
The Tao of Dating, by Dr. Alex Benzer
Working on Yourself Doesn't Work, by Ariel and Shya Kane
Unlimited Power, by Anthony Robbins
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9. Knowing What To Say
GOAL: Never lacking for things to say--and knowing what NOT to say. Know
how to speak with eloquence and effect.
1. DO'S OF CONVERSATION:
5 Great Topics of Conversation:
1. Your dreams. Without exaggerating, let the girl know that you have dreams
for a better future. Don’t make them up; be honest. If your dream is nothing
more than to settle into a nice house with a good dog in the suburbs, tell her
that. But do it with a passion; let her know that you’re a PASSIONATE PERSON.
As I described with life purpose, girls LOVE to go on adventures. If you let her
know that you’re on one, she’ll want to come along for the ride!
2. Funny stories. Rather than talking all about yourself, present something
interesting in the form of a story. Ask your date, “Would you like to hear
something funny?” Of course she will. So tell her, but present it in a humorous
way. Humor is such a great aphrodisiac. It’s been proven to be tops on things
girls want in a guy. So give it to them!
3. Her. Yup, can’t emphasize enough how important it is to LISTEN to a girl.
Women LOVE to talk about themselves, so ask questions about HER dreams and
HER goals. She’ll become a lot more interested in you if you show that you’re
interested, and actively listen. Check out my lesson on listening, and the
Members Area notes, too.
4. Travel and Languages. Easy, easy topics. Talk about where you've been.
Tell her where you plan to go. Travel is a sign of STATUS, as is knowing
another language. This is such a great way to enter a group. I love this
conversation starter:
"Did you know that the Spanish
Tell her you've been to a country where you can speak the language, or even
better, where you've lived before. I always tell a girl I've lived in Spain (which I
have) and throw out a few fancy words. This impresses the hell out of them. A
guy who's well-traveled shows that he has the money, and the status. Two for
the price of one.
On top of that, talking about travel is an EASY topic that girls enjoy. If you
haven't traveled at all, avoid it, but even if you've only been to a few
countries, mention them. You can escalate the conversation with a few
romantic words or a description of the fantastic moonlight on a starlit beach
somewhere. Girls LOVE the sappy, romantic stuff that foreign locations afford.
For more information on this, check out my lesson on The Power of Travel, in
this unit. Also check out the Members Area notes for great information.
5. Last but not least, sex. No, you don’t want to talk directly about how much
you love it, or about how great sex was with your last partner (ALWAYS,
ALWAYS, ALWAYS a no-no!), but sexual innuendo is GREAT. As relationship
guru brilliantly says, “TALKING about sex is the first step towards having it.”
Ask her if she’s a bad girl, or what’s the craziest thing she’s ever done in her
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life—with a bit of innuendo added into your voice. She’ll know what you mean,
and get excited thinking about it. Don't be afraid to broach this important
subject. Girls respect guys who aren't afraid to talk sexy!
2. DON'TS OF CONVERSATION:
Here are six things you really don't want to talk about:
1. Offensive humor
2. Politics
3. Past girlfriends
4. Inside jokes between you and your friends
5. Anything that could be interpreted as geeky or dorky, such as science-fiction
6. All the great stuff you have
1. Speak with conviction. Don't say something about how great snowboarding
is when you're mumbling and looking down at the floor. Practice good posture:
back up, chest out, use body language to show enthusiasm, and speak in a
level, enthusiastic way. Enthusiasm is contagious, so if you speak with energy,
people will follow you.
3. Use humor. You can listen to my lesson on humor for great ways to use
humor to interest a girl. Its power is awesome in seducing and conversing
alike. It's also a great way of removing your doubts and enjoying your time
with a girl more. As David Icke suggests, "The best way of removing negativity
is to laugh and be joyous."
4. Take note of your tonality.
• Slow, relaxed, steady voice instead of quick, anxious, hyper voice
• Don't rush to interrupt people
• Slow talk for confidential, emotional talk; quick, excited talk for the
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"you gotta hear this" ending
5. The Big T: TEASE. In the audio lesson I talked about the importance of
teasing. In the end, girls respond just as well to teasing now as they did in
kindergarten. Bring out their childish side, have some fun, put them
down...they'll love you for it.
a. In the middle of a girl yapping away, interrupt and say, "You know, you look
so attractive with that piece of spinach stuck in your teeth." This will
embarrass her greatly. She'll probably say, "Oh my God, how embarrassing and
go for a mirror." Watch her freak out, then say, "Ha, gotcha! Nothing between
your teeth. But it was really cute to see you freak out like that. What, were
you afraid I wouldn't like you anymore?"
b. Go up to a girl and introduce yourself. When she goes to shake your hands,
lightly slap them and say, "Tag. You're it!" with a big grin.
c. For the more serious, stuck-up girls who don't respond to your advances, ask
her friends, "Boy, is she always like this? She looks like she just saw Gigli or
something. Well, I guess I'd be pretty pissed off too if I paid $10 to see that
movie."
d. For the noisy, look-at-me primadonnas, say to her friends (or if you're alone,
to her), "Man, is she always like this? How the hell do you guys deal with this
girl?"
ATTRACTION IN ACTION
Every time she asks what the surprise is, tell her, "I can't tell you right now." If
she keeps asking, slap her lightly on the wrist or shoulder and say, "Stop it,
you're annoying me!" with a grin. Finally, when she's dying to know what you
have to say, tell her, "Okay! Okay! Just to make you quiet." (this way it
doesn't look like you're submitting to her; you're just annoyed)
"Here's my secret. Ready?" <pause for a few seconds; remember the power of
silence, keep her in suspense a while longer> "Okay, here goes. My secret
is........I'm a closet heterosexual. There, I've said it! I'm out of the closet!"
<Pause for dramatic effect> "I've never been able to tell anyone, but...I like
women. You're the first to hear that. Please don't tell all your friends my
secret!" This accomplishes two things:
1. It's funny, and allows you to bust her balls (the power of teasing!)
2. You can then make it serious and tell her, "You're the first girl to get me
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over my man-loving ways. I guess you're used to making gay men straight." Up
the attraction meter, just like that!
f. Tease!
YOU: "Hey, that's a nice perfume you're wearing."
GIRL: "Really?"
YOU: "Yeah, smells just like cabbage and broccoli. Love it!"
6. Remember the golden rule of silence: that SILENCE IS GOLDEN! It's okay
to take a break and just listen sometimes. In fact, it's EMPOWERING: silence
shows that you're not afraid to listen to other points of views. It also creates
suspense in people, waiting for you to say what's next. People do not react
very well when there's silence; girls especially are so used to immediate
chatter. So not talking immediately--that's control! Carlos Xuma, author of
"Dating Dynamics," explains that "Not answering is gaining control; answering
our phone on the person anxiously gives UP control." So, don't rush to answer
or comment; pause, as if you've seriously given thought. I know so many
people who do this, and it really does create control. Making a person wait for
your response gives you SO much control; it's subtly saying that you're more
important and you'll do things in your own time. Women LOVE this. They love
a guy who shows dominance, and silence IS dominance.
Practice active listening: show you're interested by nodding your head,
maintaining eye contact, and seeming interested. Listening goes a long way
towards upping the attraction meter. Check out my lesson on listening to find
out exactly how to use listening to your seduction advantage!
7. Be choosy. If the girl doesn't seem like your type, if she's not interesting,
don't waste your time with her! You don't have to talk to every girl. There are
ones who are worth your time, and ones who are not. Don't waste your time
with girls who don't fit your standards! It's very empowering to be able to walk
away from a conversation, on to a girl who's actually interested in you.
On top of that, the simple act of NOT TALKING to a woman, moving on, and
talking to OTHER girls is an AWESOME way of creating interest. When you show
an independence from women, your OWN self-centered universe, you create
magnetism. Girls love a guy who's on a clear path that doesn't involve
unacceptable behavior. Try it out and see just how attractive you become.
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10. Body Language, Spatial Positioning, and
Tonality
GOAL: To understand and put into practice effective body language, spatial
positioning, and tonality techniques.
Interesting Facts:
• People form 90% of their opinion about you in the first 90 seconds
• Communication is 60% nonverbal and 40% verbal.
• Of the verbal portion, only about 7% is accomplished by the words
themselves!
• The other 30% is done by how the words are spoken, inflection, and tone
of voice
• Nonverbal signs (eye contact, gestures, position relative to the speaker,
etc.) have five times more impact than verbal signals!
(source: Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship and Dating)
ATTRACTION IN ACTION
To start, I really like this advice from Leil Lowndes. She has a great system for
using your body to soften your target's heart: It's called, none other than,
SOFTEN.
F is for FORWARD lean. Don't lean back lean INTO your target. Stand or sit just
a liiiittle too close, to show you are physically attracted. Believe me, she'll
appreciate it.
T is for touch. By "accident," gently touch your target's arm, neck, or a piece of
lint on her clothing. Gliding past her when you go to get a drink, and lightly
touching her back, is a great way to communicate confidence and interest.
E is for eye contact. This CANNOT be emphasized enough. Love at first sight
isn't just an expression: It can be a true, biological reality! According to
Lowndes, "Why does eye contact have such fiery consequences?...Unrelenting
eye contact creates a highly emotional state similar to fear. When you look
directly and potently into someone's eyes, his or her body produces chemicals
like phenyl ethylamine, or PEA, that jolts the sensation of being in love. Thus,
making strong, almost threatening intense eye contact with your Quarry is one
of the first steps in making hm or her fall in love with you." By gazing deeply
into a girl's eyes, you give her the fear that she's not good enough; she becomes
overwhelmed with fear, and stutters. And that means you've made a good
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impression. Awesome stuff.
N is for nod. Listen to her responses; girls love to be heard. Nodding is a
wonderful way of saying you understand what she's saying. A good listener
DEFINITELY impresses women.
She’s twirling her hair around–Definitely into you. Nervous and self-
conscious in your presence. You're making a connection with her.
Licks her lips–unless you can tell she’s screwing with you, this is a very
good sign!
Open legs–Open legs, open mind. She’s open to hearing more from you–and
who knows what else.
Sideways glance–The classic Hollywood flirtation, this is a coy, seductive
way of showing her interest
Fondling her shoe (shoe is slight off her foot, twisting her foot in circles)–
This is that classic shy signal that girls use to display interest.
The "leg twine"–one leg pressed hard against the other to give the
appearance of high muscle tone–very good sign
The head toss–If she tosses her hair back over her shoulders, this is
definitely a good gesture.
Exposed wrists–If she’s interested in you, she will gradually display the
smooth, soft skin of her wrists to a guy she’s interested in. Wrists are
actually considered one of the more erotic areas of the body–so if she’s
showing you this sexual area–go for it!
Legs crossed—always a bad sign. This means she’s closing herself off to you
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Arms crossed—This can convey annoyance and impatience. Definitely a bad
sign.
Hands on her hips—This can also convey impatience. Not looking good.
A weak handshake—Do you shake a girl’s hands when you meet her? If you
do and notice that hers is weak and she is quick to take back her hand,
then she’s not very impressed.
* 7 Great Ways to Flirt
In the end, though, this isn't a science; most of the time you'll be able to tell
by whether she looks happy to see you, whether she likes you.
So named after Dale, the master of getting women rushing to his side, just with
a simple shrug! If you really want to blow away a girl–and show some balls–
meet a girl’s eyes, then knowingly drop your head to the side, as if to say,
"Hey, you know you want me. Come over here and get me!" I’ve found this to
work incredibly well in foreign countries. In the States, the girls tend to be
able to see through it a bit more–but it still works!
3. Smile!
It’s often overlooked, but nothing communicates happiness, confidence, and
interest in a girl all in one like a nice big smile. Show the girl you’re in control,
show her you’re confident, show her you’re a fun guy to be around: brighten
the place up with a big smile! And if your teeth need work, then get them
fixed! It’s good not just for your chances of meeting a girl, but also for your
health and appearance!
4. Open Body Language
So many guys walk or sit with their arms crossed, their legs close together, and
their faces anxious and flat. Stop that! Welcome a girl into your world: Have
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your arms open and leaned back, your legs open and relaxed, your face warm
and inviting. You’ll not only attract yourself into a girl’s world, but also into
the world of people at a party, club, or bar who can help you meet a future
girlfriend–or even wife!
5. Lean in to her
As you’re talking to a girl, especially while seated, show her your interest with
confidence by leaning in closer. You don’t want to be a creep, of course, but
you can generally tell by a girl’s body language and talk how interested she is
in you. If things are looking good, show her your control of the situation–and
interest in her–by leaning in and generally getting closer to her. Leaning back
does the opposite; it shows you’re unconfident and not overly interested. Not
what you want to communicate.
6. Thumbs in belt
Ever put your thumbs in your belt, with your hands at your hips’ side? This is
processed as a sign of being confident in one’s sexuality and size. So if you’re
standing around at a bar or club and want to convey confidence, this will
certainly be understood by girls!
7. Touch her!
Yup, nothing gets you closer to a girl than physical touch. Great conversations
and emotional/spiritual chemistry are great, but if you really want to take it to
the next level, you’ll have to eventually show some balls and touch her. I’m
not talking about grabbing her and making out (unless it really is going that
well and she’s flirting out of control!), but doing little things: brushing your
arm by her shoulders, lightly massaging her, leading her by the arm to another
location in the place. By making a physical connection, you’re giving her a sign
loud and clear that you’re confident in yourself and interested in her.
-Bob Burg
• Avoid "wallflower" locations.
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Vocal Exercises
1. Vocal Control
Start humming. First, do it in a way that makes your lips vibrate. Then move
it inside such that you are humming mostly from the mouth. Then move the
humming sensation to the back of your throat. From there move it on down to
the middle of the throat, and then your chest, and finally all the way down to
your abdomen. Sitting up straight will help the resonance. Now that you have
the humming coming all the way from the diaphragm, practice projecting your
voice form there by reading the preceding paragraph. Practice it enough such
that you are comfortably speaking this way regularly.
2. How to use pauses and tempo to make your speech almost hypnotic
While you read a passage out loud, insert one pause per second. Make each
pause for the count of one second by saying 'one one thousand' to yourself.
Now read the paragraph again, this time inserting two pauses, each of them
one second long. Then do it again, this time adding THREE pauses. Add to
that the vocal resonance you practiced in Drill 1. Practice regularly such that
speaking in a slow, measured manner becomes a habit. Start by doing it
alone, then on the phone, then in everyday conversation. Notice how people
respond to you differently.
Recommended Reading:
• Body Language, by Allan Pease
• How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, by Leil Lowndes
• The Anatomy of Love, by Helen Fisher
• The Tao of Dating, by Dr. Alex Benzer
• The Importance of Body Language, by Wes Mantooth
• Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship and Dating, by R.
Don Steele
• http://www.learnbodylanguage.org/
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11. Approaching with Confidence
GOAL: To FORM CONNECTIONS and BUILD EMOTIONS. Girls have seen it all;
they know all the pick-up lines and all the obvious openers. Do something
different that forms lasting impressions that make her want to see you again
and again.
1. Use humor
Great Humor Openers:
• "Excuse me, perhaps you can handle a little dispute my friend and I are
having. Who do you think gets more ladies: Mini Me or Peter
Dinklage(the short guy from The Station Agent)?"
• "My friend over there has something REALLY big to tell you." <Call friend
over> "Ready? Ok, it's REALLY big news." Friend says: "Hi."
• This actually got me the phone number of a really hot girl: Walk around
with your legs jaunted, like a crab. Ask her, "Can you help me? I'm too
short, I can't reach the bar. Could you please order a drink for me?" Not
only will she laugh, but she'll actually go with you to the bar and get you
a drink. You not only have her attention, but you also have her
participation: win-win!
• "Hey, what do you think of my friend here. He says he's not gay,
but...c'mon! Look at his clothes, look at his perfect skin, his tan...to
me, that spells G-A-Y!"
• Don't give the traditional responses to questions like, "How are you?"
Instead, give one she'll remember for a really long time.
ATTRACTION IN ACTION
Say you're at a clothing store and the cute clerk asks how you are. Most guys--
and remember, you're no longer MOST GUYS--would say, "Fine, Okay, Good,
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thanks." Not you. You want to make the girl remember you for next time, so
you say something like, "Well, I've had better days. It's not everyday you get
flipped off by a midget."
See how this would break a girl's routine? You've got a really easy opener to
talk to a girl, and she's bound to ask you lots of questions. You get the chance
to present yourself as a funny, unusual guy she'll never forget. And that's the
most important thing: she'll never forget you. Forget looks, forget money.
Those things come and go. But a guy who comes in and shares a story about
getting called a Pino Fada by a midget? She'll never see one of you again.
• "I have a friend who thinks it's okay to date 2 girls at once, as long as
neither of the relationships is serious. I tell him it's wrong, but he
disagrees. What do you think of this?"
• "I need your help with something. Before I get to know someone, I like to
know her priorities. So, if you were cast on Survivor, and could only
bring 3 valuables, what would they be?" Not only does this provide an
interesting opening, but it empowers YOU: you say that you need to
know what she's like before you can get to know her. Usually a WOMAN
needs to know these things first, so you're taking that power out of her
hands and into yours. It's subconscious to her, but it works; she feels like
you're in control.
• "I know I just met you, but where do you see yourself in five years?
I'm just doing a survey of people, and most say, "married with kids." I
just wanted to see if you were any different..."
4-Tell a story.
Good story-telling is probably the best "in" to a group. If you can make up a
good story, like, "Hey, did you see that crazy guy in here who was dancing
around in his underwear?", or "Hey, have any of you ever heard of Celtic soul-
gazing?", then you should be in. You have to be convincing, and a good story-
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teller, but it’s a great way to open up the group to outsiders.
Entertainment=Results.
• How many nines are there in 100? (Think about it...there's 9, 19, 29, 39,
49, 59, 69, 79, 89, 99...10! This is a great brain-teaser, and a great way
to show higher value...You look smart for knowing the answer, and you
can tease her mercilessly for NOT knowing the answer!)
Now, if this is in a group of 2 or more girls, talk to ANY GIRL OTHER THAN YOUR
TARGET. You don't want to seem too interested.
To any other girl: "I'd say you're a Carrie (or Charlotte, or Miranda--never say
Samantha right away!)."
She'll say, "Really?" And you say, "Yeah, because like Carrie, you're responsible,
but fun, etc etc."
Talk to your target last, and tease her a bit. "So I'm guessing you're a
Samantha." She'll of course defend herself--but if she doesn't, and goes along
with it, then that's DEFINITELY a good sign! In any event, tease her and say,
"No, you're definitely a Samantha. You're fun but professional, daring but
caring..."
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This is a great technique that I've only seen success with.
• With groups, try saying something to the group like, "Hey, yaw know, we
need a secret handshake or something." Girls are all about making
connections, so doing something that builds a strong foundation for
friendship means guaranteed success.
• Also use lots of WE statements. Just the simple word of "we" builds an
instant bond that makes the girl feel like she's known you forever. That
way she'll be more likely to want to see you again--you're already a pair!
• Now, with advice questions, such as "Do you think a guy who’s traveling
should be able to cheat on his girlfriend?", make sure you actually listen
to and remember the advice girls give. This is when it's important, as I
said in a previous lesson, to LIVE IN THE MOMENT. You want to keep
your ears open because a girl might say something you can snatch up and
spit back in her face, make her look ridiculous and raise your status in
the process. For example, I remember once asking girls what they
thought about having sex in public. Most of the group said the same
thing, "Oh, that's disgusting, that's wrong, etc." but one girl mumbled,
"Shhh, I did that, what's wrong with doing it outside?" Some men might
have let that slip, but not me. I pounced on that girl--who was pretty
hot--and said, "Excuse me? Did you say you do it all the time?" She had
to defend herself to the group, and to me, and I made myself look pretty
innocent. Before I knew it, the two of us were joking about it all night,
and I constantly teased her, big time. I was BREAKING HER BALLS,
which as you know is a great way to project higher value. But she loved
it, we ended up making out, and it wasn't long before I got her in the
sack. So these things work--if you live in the moment and catch them.
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• This means using the methods that guys normally use on girls, and
turning them inside out.
• One way way is to use your body. In my lesson on "Body Language," you
learn all about the importance of positioning yourself effectively in a
room. So with this method, you use your body to get close to a girl and
act like she was hitting on you.
• Just position yourself near the girl you like and subtly back up to her. If
she makes contact, pretend to be offended. Say, "Hey, no touching!" or
"Hey, watch it, punk!" She might apologize, in which case you say, "Next
time touch me a little higher," or, "Well, you should be sorry. My mother
that if you want to touch someone," then grab her in surprise, "do it
right." Do this with a devilish grin.
• For example, if you see a girl's eyes staring in your direction--they don't
have to be looking at you--say something like, "Hey, stop staring at me!
Didn't your mother teach you manners?" This makes the girl have to
defend herself, and puts you in command. She may be bitchy and say, "I
wasn't looking at you," in which case you should say something snappy,
like, "Oh, pleeease. If you were looking any deeper at me, there'd be
holes in my skin." Say this with a knowing grin so she knows you're
joking...women love humor.
So you've got the tools to approach women successfully. Now go out and
use them. Just like that, your attraction meter, has shot up!
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12. Humor
GOAL: Using the power of laughter to raise a woman's interest in you
Mr. Red has 8 great ways for getting a girl to laugh…and to open
up in conversation with him. Here’s what he does:
1-Tease: Remembering that surprise and the unexpected are some of the keys
to winning a woman’s heart, Mr. Red does the opposite of what a lot of guys
do; he’s not afraid to tease a girl and make fun of her. She may be a model
and he’ll say, “Wow, you guys model some really strange clothes. Who picked
that outfit for you? Richard Simmons?” Girls don’t expect you to make fun of
them; in fact, the really beautiful ones expect lap dogs. So if you can surprise
her by humoring her about herself, you’ll really make yourself attractive.
3-Observational Humor. Hey, strange and funny things always happen. Mr.
Red keeps his eyes open and his attention ready, knowing that something
interesting and entertaining could occur at any moment. He might see a guy
whose face looks like his dog's, or a ridiculous-looking cat staring at him. By
pointing these things out with a certain level of dramatic flair, Mr. Red comes
off as sharp, witty, and full of fun.
4-Wit. Mr. Red knows that nothing looks stronger than a guy who can cut his
opponent to pieces, especially using their own remarks against them. It
conveys intelligence, humor, and power, all in one. And if he is able to put a
jock alpha-male in his place in front of a woman, he gets major points for that.
5-Exaggeration. Hey, just be ridiculous. Mr. Red gets girls' phone numbers
just by walking around like a crab. Or by singing a note REALLY off-key. It
depends on what kind of girl you're after--if she's an ice queen, I wouldn't
recommend it--but for fun, easygoing girls, going over the top will make them
laugh--and want to be with you in the process. Mr. Red knows this, and if he
senses a girl is open to this type of humor, he uses exaggeration to full effect,
knowing temperatures will rise when humor is successfully utilized.
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7-The Borat Approach. I love this one. Simply go up to a girl and smile like
Borat and say, "High five!" Or do this by asking her if she likes something, and
if she agrees, say in a Borat voice, "I do too! Yes, high five!" I've found girls
love this; it's just plain funny and loosens them up.
ATTRACTION IN ACTION
Never underestimate what teasing can do for your game. Next time you go
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out, make a point to tease a girl you find attractive when you first meet her.
When you're introduced to her or introduce yourself, say something like, "Hey,
um, hate to say this, but you got something on your teeth." <Watch her put
her finger inn his teeth and clean it, or ask, "Where??"> Then say, "Oh...wait.
Sorry, your teeth are always like that." <Grin> "My bad..."
Humor is such a wonderful way to make yourself look good, and women
truly love it. So use it to your attraction advantage, and watch the number
of women you hook up with, soar.
Recommended Resources
• Double Your Dating and Cocky Comedy, by David DeAngelo
• The Art of Approaching, by Joseph Matthews
• The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, by Neil
Strauss
• How to Talk to Anyone, by Leil Lowndes
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13. Projecting Value
GOAL: Show women that you are a catch they would be foolish to pass up.
You WILL be a catch by the end of this lesson. Use the information you've
learned so far, and the great techniques you learn today, and you're well on
your way to success.
• Physical prowess--that is, the ability to protect and defend her, as well
as good genes to pass on to her potential offspring
• Financial Resources
• Ambition
• Status
EXERCISE
Based on what you learned in the lesson, how can you provide the five things
women want?
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How do you show value? If you've ever seen the classic movie, or read the
book, The Tao of Steve, you'll be familiar with its tenets. It gives three rules
for capturing a woman's interest. They are:
EXERCISE
Watch "The Tao of Steve"
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Mr. Red's 5 other ways for projecting value:
1. Momentum: One great thing to do is, when you get that first phone
number, don't quit there! Make a show of it: move on to the next girl,
to the next success. Girls get jealous when they see a great guy like
yourself with other girls, so if you’re able to have a great conversation,
then show that you’re not dependent on her by moving on to another
women, you project quality and uniqueness. You’re communicating,
“I’m a high-value commodity. If you want me, come and GET me!”
2. Teasing: As I said before, teasing is a great way to “demonstrate
confidence, humor, AND the fact that you’re a challenge.” Kenny
suggests things like slapping a girl’s hand, saying, “You just lost a point”
and make women keep track, and I personally suggest saying, “Oh,
you’re no fun. I’m gonna have to find someone else.” This’ll make her
jealous, and if you’ve done well, she’ll plead with you to stay.
3. Getting Physical: Being physical doesn't just mean having a nice body
and good health; it also means using your body to make contact with a
girl. Interestingly, says one guru, “women don’t respect” a lack of
physicality. “The longer you wait, the harder it is.” Remember, you
want to show that you’ve got balls, so doing things like slapping her
hands (lightly), or saying, “You’ve got some gunk on your face” and
brushing your hand on her neck, you’ll not only stimulate her, but show
that you’ve got confidence. A winning combination to sexual success.
4. Make Her Feel Safe: Like I said before, protecting a girl, showing you'll
stand up for, is an incredible way to demonstrate value. It's one of
women's needs; they need to know that their man will protect and
defend herself and children. So meet her needs. If a guy is bothering
her, tell him to get lost. If someone is threatening the girl or anyone in
the social venue, stand up for the person. Girls LOVE this, and it's
absolutely necessary for gaining her attraction; you really can't attract a
woman without making her feel safe. If you DON'T make her feel safe,
like a Mr. Yellow, you're going to lose her faith and attraction in you.
Either way, do your best to keep an eye on threatening situations, and if
one should arrive, NEVER back down!
5. Finally, Sexual innuendos. One guru says something brilliant, “Talking
about sex is the first step towards having it.” Whether you want to talk
about it after having just met a girl, or on the first date, is up to you,
but either way it’s a great way of moving things ahead—and showing
quality. Adding physical touch, a throaty voice, and sexual innuendo
together, is an amazing move. If you say, “So <her name>” as you put
your hand on your knee, “are you a bad girl?” Her stomach will flutter,
and she won’t be seeing you in a bar or club anymore—she’ll be seeing
you in a bed, next to her. Now that IS quality!
EXERCISE
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1. Write down 5 emotions you want to create in women (happiness,
curiosity, suspense, etc.). In what ways can you make her feel those
emotions better than anyone else?
2. Before you go out, practice joking with your friends. Find 3 funny stories
you can tell the ladies. Get used to being the guy who jokes around a lot.
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Recommended Resources
"How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You," by Leil Lowndes
"The Art of Approaching," by Joseph Matthews
"Venusian Arts Handbook," by Mystery
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DECISION POINT #4: WHO DO I WANT TO DATE?
1. Becoming a Catch:
If you want to get a date with a beautiful, exciting woman, you have to show
her you're a catch. How do you do that? Try the following ways:
1. Be a Challenge.
• Don't show interest in a girl just because...she's a girl.
• Look at all the romance novels and films: women love the thrill of the
chase, the hunt for true passion, getting a man despite the odds.
• Danielle Steele does NOT write novels about women going for the first
man who comes her way.
• Romance novels always work on the same formula: the WOMAN falling in
love with the man, NOT the man falling in love with the woman. The
man is so attractive that he can get any girl he wants...but he goes just
for her.
• Guys, women do not want to be easy. They want a challenge.
You can be a challenge by showing class and showing status. Do the same
things as men who can get any women they want--like Mr. Red.
2. Social proof.
Show a women you're a catch by showing her how popular you are with other
girls. Don't stick to just this one girl; talk to other women, bring any female
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friends you have along, and don't stick around when the girl gets busy. If she
starts talking to her friends, walk away calmly. Engage in conversation with
other girls, or even other guys. Show that life goes on without her; when she
sees an independence in you, she realizes that you're a catch.
3. Believing in yourself.
Never talk about anything as if it's nothing special, or stupid, or boring. The
way you treat yourself is the way SHE will treat yourself. If you talk about
yourself in a negative, boring way, then well, how is she to believe you're
anything different than that? Likewise, if you talk about yourself in positive,
praising terms, then she will, too.
4. Being yourself.
Now, while I want you to follow this advice, you have to be NATURAL and
GENUINE. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. That is, don't pretend to be
an alpha male jock if you're actually a really sweet nice guy. Or, if you really
are an alpha jock, don't try to be sweet and innocent. Be who you are. You
can't please everyone, so just concentrate on being yourself. You'll be much
happier, and much more successful with women.
5. Dress for success.
This is a big one. As Lowndes writes, "Dress as though you were auditioning to
be her husband." Now, getting married may be the last thing on YOUR mind,
but it just might be the first thing on HER mind. As Lowndes writes,
"Evolutionary theorists tell us that, even when considering a quickie, a woman
subconsciously listens to her genes. When a man is well dressed, it signifies his
ability to provide for her offspring. Even when she's wondering, 'Should I or
shouldn't I tonight?" how well you could care for her and her unborn children is
in the back of her mind." So dressing well is just one step is reassuring her that
you're worth it, that you make a great date--and maybe, one day, a great
husband and father.
If that's not convincing enough, Lowndes cites a study in which women were
asked six hypothetical questions ranging from "Whom would you choose to
marry?" to "Whom would you choose for a one-night stand." For every question,
the men who dressed the best, got the highest scores. It's important, because
as you know, women instinctively search for status, ambition, and financial
resources. What you wear says a lot about what you can provide.
So remember, if you dress in nice, formal, expensive clothes, YOU might just
score well with women, as well.
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• Retreat, for as Heidegger said, "We pursue that which retreats from
us."
A brief overview of each rules tells us why the rules make you a catch:
• Eliminate your desires. As said before, when a woman feels like she's
earned your interest, not just gotten your interest because she's hot or
has big boobs, then she'll be more inclined to give you what you want in
the first place. Showing your desires, talking to a woman simply
because of her beauty, indicates that you're full of desire. Thus, you're
no challenge for the girl, and she's likely to resist you.
• Retreat, for as Heidegger said, "We pursue that which retreats from
us." Women are so used to being chased, that when a guy shows
interest and then leaves, they don't know what to do. Suddenly, they
don't feel good enough, and feel that they have to PROVE themselves to
the man to get his interest. This is what you want: for a girl to EARN
your interest. By retreating, you make her have to chase. And when she
chases, she seeks validation. YOU have the power to give it to her. And
that, my friends, makes you a catch!
But what happens if she doesn't chase me?, you ask. In this case, ask
yourself, What would a high-status guy do? Would he worry that a woman isn't
going after him? Or would he relax, with confidence, knowing that women are
naturally attracted to men the same way that metals are attracted to magnets?
Hey, a piece of metal might put a little resistance to the magnet, but
eventually it'll succumb. Likewise, if she's into you, she will eventually come
and find you.
If she doesn't come after you after an hour or so, then you didn't prove you're
chaseable, and the first date wasn't going to happen in the first place. Move
on. There are so many other high-quality women out there.
• The idea is to not ask for her number, but leave things just when they're
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getting good. It makes you look independent, thereby giving you
CONTROL over her. If she wants to have a good time, she'd better earn
it and make the effort herself.
• Tell her your friends are waiting for you; this will make you look
concerned. As you leave, say, "Maybe I'll see you again sometime" with a
confident grin. She'll probably agree, in which case she'll either give you
her number or you can easily say, "Look, why don't I get your phone
number and maybe you can be my friend too," with a devious grin. By
doing this, you incite positive, spinning emotions in her. It's sexually
suggestive, and believe me, GIRLS WANT THAT FROM GUYS. Saying this
with confidence and spunk is sure to make her eager to see you again.
Remember, CREATE EMOTIONS.
Or, interrupt a really intimate moment with something funny. "Oh man," you
say in a nervous voice. "I have to go." "Why?" she'll ask. "Because," you say, "I
just remembered I left my cat Mittens out. I'm really worried about her." She
oughta get a laugh, but don't stop moving. Apologize, and she'll be sure to
stuff her number into your pocket or cell phone.
VERY IMPORTANT: Leave with an inside joke
• Helps SO MUCH to have made an inside joke before calling her. Never
forget the importance of RAPPORT--personal, intimate connections that
are purely between you and her.
• This allows you to call her and start a natural conversation based on this
joke. For example, if your inside joke were, say, that you really like to
wear Scooby Doo underwear, you can easily call up and say, "Hey ____,
was just sorting through my G-string drawer and was thinking of you. I
needed your advice: Do you think red scooby doo underwear or pink
scooby doo underwear? I'm having trouble deciding, so I need the help
of an expert. You're my man. Call me." A lot easier than calling with
no rapport built beforehand.
• Make sure you find out at least one thing you both have in common. As
Leil Lowndes says, "like attracts like" and girls want to have a REASON to
go out with a guy--a reason other than their beauty. They want to EARN
A MAN'S INTEREST.
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• Example: If you discover she loves Spanish music, mention that you
know this great tapas place that plays good music (up to you to find
one), so why doesn't she come along? However, make sure you don't
come off as desperate; mention it casually but firmly, with a touch of
humor, like, "Well, listen, I gotta get going, but why don't I take you to
____ sometime? You can watch me burn my tongue on one of the
jalapenos. I once had to have complex surgery from too many hot
peppers." Can just set up the date from there.
• Remember, though, to not seem too interested. Talk SLOWLY, meet her
eyes, shoulders back--CONFIDENCE
• I tend to wait a few days after seeing her to call; the old "Don't want to
seem too desperate" thing. That rule still applies. After all, you're on a
path. You can live without her (you really can!).
• Use inside jokes. Call her and say, "Hey, _____, what's up? It's your
lover calling. Just going through my G-string drawer and thought of you.
Hey, I know this great place that sells great jock straps, why don't we go
there together?" Helps if you start out funny to ease her up.
• Don't take forever. Make sure you show that you have other things
going on (which you do!). Conversation shouldn't take more than a few
minutes.
• If she's busy, don't distress. Remember, you're on a path; you can live
without the girl. At the same time you are ASSERTIVE, so take control
out of her hands and into yours. If she says she's busy at the moment,
say, "No worries. I gotta get going myself, it's not easy being a G-string
model. Look, Thursday night at 8 <pick a place>. I know you want to
see my latest collection of Scooby Doo g-strings, so see you there. <wait
for her laugh> Later."
• A typical message "Hey, ____, it's _____. I was just going through my G-
string drawer and the Scooby Doo one made me think of you. <Pause>
Anyway, you know my number...or maybe. Well, call me anyway.
___(number)___. Later."
• Key is to have a CALM, collected voice that says you EXPECT her to call
you back. If you don't have that voice yet, don't bother calling!
• Never ever ever say, "Remember me?" Mr. Red assumes that women
remember him. He has that swagger and cockiness.
• Leave only one message, and leave it up to her to call back. If she
doesn't, MOVE ON.
• Remember: Only you can make yourself happy. Give other people that
control, and you'll never be happy with yourself!
3. Recommended Resources:
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2. What to Do on the First Date and Beyond
GOAL: To have a successful first date, and pave the way towards a lasting
relationship
In today's lesson you're going to learn what to say, how to look, and where to
go on the first date. You'll also learn exactly how to close the evening and
move things on to intimacy and the relationship. Right here, on How to Be
Irresistible to Women!
As Lowndes writes, "science tells us, if your first experience is stirring, your
date will transfer the strong emotions to you." So think about what kinds of
fun emotions you want your date to associate with you. Some ideas are:
• Exciting
• Exhilarating
• Fascinating
• Intellectual
• Unbelievable
• Adventurous
• Daring
• Provocative
• Sensual
• Mysterious
If your date experiences some of these favorable emotions during her time with
you, she won't forget them; she'll remember them, and treasure them. So your
first goal in creating the ideal first date is to imagine what you want your date
to feel. Then think about what first date venues you can suggest to ensure she
feels those emotions. A dinner date is okay, but does it have the ups and
downs and excitement of a rollercoaster? Not usually. So I highly suggest you
try something fun, different, unique. Some of these include:
• Surfing
• Horseback riding
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• Dance class, particularly salsa (don't worry if you're not good at it--
just having fun with it will mean she associates having fun with you)
• Scary movie (so you can hold her and reassure her everything will be
all right!)
• Hiking
• Motorcycle riding
• Theme park, particularly a rollercoaster ride
• Ice-skating
What's great about these date venues is that they don't require you to talk a lot
to show what a great guy you are. These places and activities THEMSELVES
have the positive traits you want your date to link to you. I particularly like
rollercoaster rides because they create the emotions you want: fast-paced,
exhilarating, sometimes scary but always thrilling. In short, the way you want
your date to think of you. Because when she transfers the feelings of a
rollercoaster ride or salsa class to you, there's no way she's not gonna want to
see you again. Who can resist a second rollercoaster ride?
What's great about activities that can be scary, like a horror movie or carnival
ride, is that they do, in fact, make your date scared. A little fear is a good
thing to inject into your date, because it allows YOU to come to the rescue of
your date! Thus the reason scary movies and theme parks are so perfect. They
let your date drop down, so you can pick her up! and you yourself don't have
to have the perfect qualities of being fun, thrilling, and crazy--only your venue
really does. As Lowndes writes, "someone is more likely to be attracted to
another if he or she is emotionally aroused-even if the arousal does not come
from the person."
So, having chosen a great place to take your date, you've let your exciting
place do most of the talking for you. A great place speaks great things about
you. Here's my list of five things to talk about...and five topics to avoid.
1. Your dreams. Without exaggerating, let the girl know that you have dreams
for a better future. Don’t make them up; be honest. If your dream is nothing
more than to settle into a nice house with a good dog in the suburbs, tell her
that. But do it with a passion; let her know that you’re a PASSIONATE PERSON.
As I described with life purpose, girls LOVE to go on adventures. If you let her
know that you’re on one, she’ll want to come along for the ride!
2. Funny stories. Rather than talking all about yourself, present something
interesting in the form of a story. Ask your date, “Would you like to hear
something funny?” Of course she will. So tell her, but present it in a humorous
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way. Humor is such a great aphrodisiac. It’s been proven to be tops on things
girls want in a guy. So give it to them!
3. Her. Yup, can’t emphasize enough how important it is to LISTEN to a girl.
So ask questions about HER dreams and HER goals. She’ll become a lot more
interested in you if you show that you’re interested, and actively listen.
4. Teasing. Girls LOVE teasing, so the way you talk, and the way you move,
are GREAT ways to get her excited about passion. If you’re playing pool, for
example, NOTHING quite communicates sexual tension like getting behind her
and showing her how to shoot. Guaranteed gold.
5. Secrets. An awesome, awesome way of making a date exciting. Once
you've exchanged pleasantries and made light conversation, tell her you have a
dark secret you've never told anyone else. You're really afraid to tell her, to
which she'll say, "No, please! Tell me!" Then tell her a little bit by little
bit...drag it out the whole date...Make sure it's good, though, or it won't work!
6. An object you have. I love this simple, incredibly effective technique.
Bring a "prop" to aid your date. This works every time. I like to bring a Pez
dispenser and keep it secret.
ATTRACTION IN ACTION:
I went on this one date that was by far the easiest (and most successful) of all
of them. This technique is AWESOME; I highly recommend it if you want a
quick, easy, and fruitful first (or even second or third) date!
I met the girl outside the Spanish restaurant (which was very dark and
intimate...creating emotions, remember?) and told her I brought a friend
along.
Naturally, nothing creates curiosity quite like the word LATER. Girls are NOT
good at waiting (especially the ones who want to get married...), so this
automatically put me in power. I had created an emotion in her: suspense,
and I was going to use it! I also teased her around, "Oh, you want to meet her
now? Sorry, you'll have to wait," with a devilish grin. Instant emotionally
chemistry: she saw I had control, and loved it.
So we ordered drinks, got some appetizers, all while she is very curious to see
who this guest was. She asked heaps of questions about who it was, but I kept
my ground. "You'll see"/"You'll find out"/"Man you're impatient!" It was cruel
fun, and even though she protested, I knew she loved it. No guy had ever done
this to her before--I was different in a very attractive (if not devious) way.
So finally, after ordering our entrees (a good 30 minutes or so), I told her she
was about to meet the guest. But first, she had to close her eyes. "Really?"
she lightly whined. "YES," I ordered her. "Or the surprise is off." Women
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respect a man with power and firmness, so she complied. When I gave her
permission to open them (a light slap if I caught her peeking), who did she
but...
Naturally, she laughed out loud. It was a great surprise, full of suspense, and
made her laugh. Three easy emotions, and I hardly had to talk about anything
at all, just that some make-believe "guest" was coming to dinner. The rest of
the date was smooth-sailing, and I got invited to her apartment. Yeah, you
can say that the date was a success. ;) All by talking about little more than a
Pez Dispenser.
7. Last but not least, sex. No, you don’t want to talk directly about how much
you love it, or about how great sex was with your last partner (ALWAYS,
ALWAYS, ALWAYS a no-no!), but sexual innuendo is GREAT. As relationship
guru brilliantly says, “TALKING about sex is the first step towards having it.”
Ask her if she’s a bad girl, or what’s the craziest thing she’s ever done in her
life—with a bit of innuendo added into your voice. She’ll know what you mean,
and get excited thinking about it.
1. Let’s talk first about offensive humor—or anything offensive for that
matter. It’s just a no-no. Most girls get pretty offended when you bring racial
and sexual jokes into a conversation. Now, there’s nothing wrong with sexual
innuendo—it’s actually a great way of moving things on—but making jokes
about women and anatomy is NOT gonna win you any points. The same goes
for racist humor. Hey, I love Chris Rock’s jokes, but I would NEVER talk about
them when I’m first meeting a girl. ESPECIALLY since you never know exactly
what her background is. I’ve talked to girls who looked Italian but were
actually half-black. You DON’T want to offend those girls!
3. Inside jokes are just that—inside jokes. They’re between you and some
friends, so keep it there. If you have to explain a joke—it’s not funny!
4. Geeky and dorky things: Okay, unless you absolutely KNOW that the girl is a
Trekky and a diehard Star Wars fan, don’t bring up ANYTHING that has to do
with science fiction, comic books, video games, or anything else that attracts
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geeks and nerds. You always want to communicate higher status than a girl,
and talking about these subjects—even if you’re a huge fan—does nothing but
bury your status.
5. Past girlfriends and lovers—NEVER a good subject to talk about. The risk of
coming across as whiny and bitter are just too high. And I know, it can be an
easy topic to talk about. Sex and relationships are two things girls ALWAYS
have time to talk about it. So they will try to test you by asking you about your
past relationships. But the truth is, you have MUCH better things to talk
about—or to listen to HER talk about. The best thing to say is to either tease
her, with something like, “Why? Are you jealous?”, which will put her in her
place; or to say, “I have nothing against my past girlfriend, but we were just
not meant to be together. I wish her the best, but it was time to move on.”
Simple, precise, honest. She’ll respect you more for those things, and get the
cue that there are better things to talk about. And that’s a winner’s game!
3. Presentation
"The better dressed a man was, the higher his marks were in all six categories-
-including one-night nookie."
-Leslie Lowndes, "How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You"
You are what you wear--at least in the dating world. While you may not want
to wear a $900 Armani suit out, studies show that it would help your cause.
"Men's hunting gear is far more important to make the kill than a woman's is,"
says Lowndes. Why? Because women rate what a man wears a lot higher than
a man rates what a woman wears. It may not seem fair, but it's true. As
Lowndes writes, clothes "dramatically influence a Potential Love Partner's
perception of you"--and why not? As dating is like marketing, your "clothes" are
your packaging--and we all know that packaging influences whether we buy or
not. So treat yourself like a product, and present yourself right.
• What are the "right" clothes? "What it does mean is whenever you step
out the door, step out dressed to kill...your Quarry."
• "Evolutionary theorists tell us that, even when considering a quickie, a
woman subconsciously listens to her genes. When a man is well dressed,
it signifies his ability to provide for her offspring. Even when she's
wondering, "Should I or shouldn't I?", how well you could care for her and
her unborn children is in the back of her mind."
• "With men, how you carry yourself, your hair, your nails, your makeup,
your grooming, your friendliness--that's what scores."
• If you're dressed like a slob and don't meet women, you only have
yourself to blame. Dress as if your dream woman could show up when
you least expect it--because, usually, she will!
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4. How to Close the Evening
Ultimately, how well your night goes depends on the EMOTIONS you burn into
your date's mind. Build a rapport, take her on a wild ride, and there's no limit
to how well your night can go. Here's a checklist that you want to be able to
answer right at the end of every date:
• Did you dress to impress?...or did you dress like you just got out of bed
• Did you build a rapport?...or did you struggle for conversation?
• Did you ask questions and listen to your date...or did you talk only about
yourself?
• Did you avoid dangerous topics of conversation, such as politics and
offensive humor?
• Did you initiate physical touch, or back away from any physical
engagement?
• Was your date unpredictable and interesting...or predictable and stale?
• Did your date location create the ideal emotions you want your date to
associate with YOU?
If you can answer YES to all these questions, you’re destined for success. Hey,
you may even have a happy ending. That makes YOU irresistible!
Recommended Resources
• "How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You," by Leil Lowndes
• "Working on Yourself Doesn't Work," by Ariel & Shya Kane
• "The Real Rules"
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DECISION POINT #5: AM I CONTENT WITH THE
RELATIONSHIP I AM IN?
1. Make Up...Or Break Up?
GOAL: To determine whether the girl you are with is worth staying with, or
worth moving on from. Never let a break-up or a bad relationship lower
your lifestyle.
• QUICK FACT: 95% of guys let their relationships go way longer than
they're happy with!
• They fear breaking a girl's heart, or losing the security of having a
girlfriend, or never getting another girlfriend again.
• But what results? Misery. Fighting. Missed opportunities with girls who
better fit your path.
• When it comes to a relationship gone stale, you have to be a stand-up,
alpha kind of guy. That means you have to think about your life purpose
first. Not being selfish, just looking out for yourself.
POWER RESOURCE
"How to Fall Out of Love: How to Free Yourself of Love That Hurts-And Find the
Love That Heals," by Dr. Debora Phillips
"Your purpose must come before your relationship...If a man prioritizes his
relationship over his highest purpose, he weakens himself, disserves the
universe, and cheats his woman of an authentic man who can offer her full,
undivided presence."
-David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
With that said, our goal today is to decide if the Woman is right for you or
not. Because if she's not, you don't want her to drag down your life.
So you've been dating your girlfriend, but you get to the point when you feel it
isn't right. She doesn't do it for you, you're tired of bickering, or perhaps you
just don't trust her. Whatever the reason, you have to ask yourself these 10
questions in order to decide if a break-up is right for you:
"Although she would never admit it, she wants to feel that her man would be willing
to sacrifice their relationship for the sake of his highest purpose."
-David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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something like, "I am attractive to girls and I will get girlfriends," then
you know what? You'll get what you speak into being. Conversely, if
you're always telling yourself, "I can't get another girlfriend, I'm not good
enough." Well, then you'll also speak that into being. Consider the
power of words in your fate.
• Do I depend on the girl, or does she depend on me? While love is
about building each other up, being needy and dependent on others for
happiness does not do anyone, any favors. It doesn't help your
girlfriend, and it doesn't help you. You can both love each other, but
needing one another, not being able to exist with one another, is a
serious condition that needs to be fixed. Remember the lessons learned
from Identity: Only YOU can determine your happiness. If you are
relying exclusively on your girlfriend for happiness, she has too much
power, and you don't have enough.
• Do I or my girlfriend always call to see where the other is? Is there
trust? As you will learn in the upcoming lessons of Decision Point 6, a
relationship doesn't exist with trust. If you can't trust that your
girlfriend will be faithful to you, show her your power. If commitment
and honesty are important to you (and you're committed and loyal back!)
let her know that. It's important in any relationship to be honest and
communicate with each other. If you can't tell her how you feel, then
she's probably not right for you. With that said, the next big question is:
• Does my girlfriend give me the chance to be myself? This is huge,
probably THE most important one. Does your girl allow you to be
comfortable in your own skin? To be yourself? Or does she want you to
be someone else? Does she complain about who you are? Hey, nobody's
perfect, and she has to accept that. You can't expect your girlfriend to
be perfect, but then, neither can she expect that of you. A solid
relationship is one in which both partners feel good about THEMSELVES
while being with each other. I know this one couple that's a really
skinny girl, and a really fat guy. Both of them could be self-conscious,
but they're not. They really, truly love each other for who each other is.
Logan, the fat guy, feels so much love from his girl that he has no
problem going out in Speedos and tank tops! Suuure, this isn't too
attractive to guys like me, but it's attractive to Logan's wife, and that's
all that matters. He went from being insecure and afraid to go in public,
to comfortable in himself and not afraid to show people who he is.
• Now I ask you: does your girlfriend help make YOU feel comfortable
with who you are? If she tells you to be someone else, or doesn't love
what she has, then move on. I have a friend whose girlfriend always
asked him why he couldn't be someone else? Why couldn't he be taller?
Why couldn't he wear nicer clothes? Why couldn't he play music? Finally
this guy said, "I can only be me. If you want someone else, go find him,"
and broke up. He's been really happy since, because he doesn't have her
negative vibes telling him he's not good enough. Instead, he found a girl
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who loves him for who he is...and is happy with who he isn't. There are
plenty of girls out there who are full of love. Show them love, and you'll
get it back.
• Finally, Am I committed to commitment? This is also a big one. Even
though I urge you to be faithful to your girlfriend, some guys can't
handle that. They want to explore other girls, as well. If so, at least be
honest with your girlfriend and tell her you're not ready for
commitment. Then at least she can move on to a guy who is, and you
can enjoy being with as many women as you want. Be careful, though:
Lots of guys leave girlfriends thinking they can "upgrade." Then they
find out that they don't get any girls, and run back to their old girlfriend
with their tail between their legs. Problem is, she probably won't take
you back. And you'll be left in the cold. Remember this: You get what
you give. If all you do is take, cheat, and be selfish...then that's the
way the world is going to treat you back. What goes around...comes
around. So be honest and faithful. You won't regret it.
QUOTABLE QUOTE
"A man shouldn't tolerate bitchy and complaining moodiness in his woman, but
he should serve her and love her with every ounce of his skill and
perseverance. Then, if she cannot or will not open in love, he might decide to
end his relationship with her, harboring no anger or resentment, because he
knows he has done everything he could."
-David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
Recommended Resources
• "How to Fall Out of Love: How to Free Yourself of Love That Hurts-
And Find the Love That Heals," by Dr. Debora Phillips
• "How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You," by Leil Lowndes
• "The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love," by Dr. Susan Jeffers
• "Keep the Love You Find," by Dr. Harville A. Hendrix
• "Working on Your Relationship Doesn't Work," by Ariel and Shya Kane
• "The Way of the Superior Man," by David Deida
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DECISION POINT #6: HOW DO I DEVELOP THE
RELATIONSHIP?
1. Listening Skills
GOAL: Learning the value of listening towards building a better relationship
• Just a second or two extra pause can make a person nervous, fearful,
SUBMISSIVE.
• Make a person wait for your response, while firmly looking her in the
eye, and you send a subtle message that women can read loud and clear:
YOU'RE IN CONTROL. YOU ARE THE BOSS.
• Furthermore, making a person wait for your response gives you SO much
control; it's subtly saying that you're more important and you'll do things
in your own time. Women LOVE this. They love a guy who shows
dominance, and silence IS dominance.
• Practice what Xuma calls "vocal celibacy." He says, "The next time a
woman asks you a question, PAUSE for a little bit…Keep pushing the limit
until you can not answer the question at all. She’ll try to make you feel
uncomfortable…if you can handle that, it’ll increase your confidence
immeasurably.”
• Vocal celibacy is especially useful for attracting women when you are
single. But it also helps when you are in a relationship, to assert your
control.
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Okay, so pausing and listening give you power. Now, how do you use listening
for love? You have to actively show you're listening, through the spoken and
body language. Here are five great ways to show your lover you're interested
in her--even if you're not!
1 Nodding. Yeah, simple nodding shows that you're paying attention to your
woman. Make sure you're looking at her as you do this, though. Nodding while
facing the TV does NOT count!
2 Questions. Questions are great for showing you're interested. Asking your
girl simple things like "Really?", "Are you kidding", and "What happened then?"
show that you're into her story, and want to know more. She'll love for you for
that.
3 Assertions. Just a simple "uh-huh", "yeah", and "Oh, okay" are great for
letting your woman know you're listening.
4-Repetition. One killer method is to repeat back what she just said--and with
amazement in your voice. For example, if your girl is talking about how much
she hates another woman at work--something that's SURE to come up--then you
can say, "I can't believe that girl did that! How do you work with her?!?"
Guaranteed to make your woman love you.
5-Don't be quick to respond with "I know what you mean" or "Yeah, the
same happened to me." You may have a similar story or experience to the one
the girl is describing, but that doesn't mean she cares. She'd rather be heard
and understood, then told something that's a mirror of what she just said. Just
show empathy or interest before sharing a similar story. Don't be quick to
reply...or she'll be quick to move on!
6. Repeat back something she told you earlier in the conversation. Guys,
this will KNOCK HER SOCKS OFF and just up your attraction meters to unseen
heights. Not only do you show you are listening now, but that you were
listening the whole time! She will absolutely love you for this, guaranteed.
Saying something like, “You know, I was just amazed by that story you told me
about wanting to be a doctor,” or whatever, will make a girl’s blood turn
hotter than fire. It WORKS. Use it in a relationship, and use it when you're
first getting to know your date or girlfriend. It's an awesome way to show that
you're paying attention, that you care, and that you love her--all in one.
Recommended Resources
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Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps, by Barbara and Allan
Pease
The Anatomy of Love, by Helen Fisher
How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, by Leil Lowndes
Why Men Don't Have a Clue, and Women Need More Shoes, by Barbara and
Allan Pease
Keeping the Love You Find, by Dr. Harville A. Hendrix
Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman
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2. Love Languages
GOAL: To understand what love languages are, and how you can use them to
increase the love in your relationship to unseen heights.
If you haven't read Dr. Graham Chapman's "The Five Love Languages", you're
missing out.
The book explains that people have different "love styles". While some people
feel loved most when they get presents or are touched, others require words of
praise, or acts of service (such as cleaning the house for your lover). Many
people have a combination of love languages; they are "multi-lingual", so to
speak. If you can successfully "speak" your girlfriend's or wife's love
language(s), you'll be on the way to fewer problems, greater love, and
increased happiness for both of you. Sounds good? Listen on.
1. Acts of Service
2. Words of Praise
3. Gifts
4. Physical Touch
5. Quality Time
EXERCISE
• It's not always easy to know exactly love language your girlfriend
practices, but there's a quick way you can find out:
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html
• Take the 30 second quiz on this website to see what love language or
love languages you and your partner "speak." This is a great opportunity
to talk with your girlfriend or wife, and you might just find your bond
increase, and your problems decrease, just by taking the time to state
what matters to each of you most.
Remember, love goes both ways. This lesson isn't just about how to love your
partner, but how to get your partner to love you. If you're honest with each
other about what your NEEDS are--words of praise, a gift here and there, some
quality time with your partner--then there's nothing to stop you from enjoying
one another for years to come.
1 Acts of Service. Some women enjoy a man doing things for her. Not buying
things, not handing over gifts: just doing a simple service, such as
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2 Words of Praise. Some girls just need to be told that they’re doing a good
job. This is when you should tell a girl, “I really like the way you’ve done your
hair,” or “That painting you made is really awesome.” Simple stuff, but it goes
a long way towards establishing and reclaiming love in your relationship.
3 Gifts. Hey, some women love gifts. This doesn't mean buying her a new car
or a Tiffany watch, just showing you care with the occasional physical present.
Surprise is a great element here; a surprise bouquet of flowers at work, a ring
on her pillow, a surprise
4-Physical Touch. Some women need physical contact to feel loved. If this
also means she needs lots of sex, consider yourself a lucky man! And believe
me, there are such women who do feel valued by having their partner make
love to them.
5-Quality Time. This is all about your PRESENCE. Sometimes it's not enough to
buy gifts or have the occasional sex. Women need to have you AROUND, they
need to know you're there. Many women have quality time as their language of
love. But does this mean you have to sacrifice your time with the boys
watching football or playing some hoops? Hell no! It's much more important to
women to spend one good hour together than have you spend five hours in
which you'd rather be ANYWHERE else.
EXERCISE
One way I suggest you show this love language is by setting at least one night
that you spend together. No matter what, this is time you spend with your
girlfriend or wife. It's a commitment. Do something fun that you can both
enjoy: go to a theme park, have a nice dinner out, go to a concert together. It
doesn't have to be boring. It just has to be time that you show you enjoy
being around her. To make her feel NEEDED. Believe me, one full day or
night together will go a loooong towards bringing back the love in your
relationship...or making it soar to levels it's never been before. Who knows?
Maybe you'll find you prefer spending time with your partner to going out with
the boys. A few good hours getting to know each other and doing things
together has been shown to raise the level of intimacy like nothing else. It's
all about quality time, not quantity of time.
• Finally, in a related topic, if you really want to show a woman your love,
tell her you *need* her.
• Girls love to be needed; it's validation, security, and LOVE all in one.
• By saying the words, "I need you", or simply explaining how much she
means to you, you're going to bring untold of happiness to your girl.
• Telling her how you couldn't imagine a life without her is an amazing
way of making her feel better...and loving you more.
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• You'll be amazed by the change in her attitude. Don't be surprised if she
starts serving you meals, buying you presents, doing great things for
you...all because you made her day. You may not even have to spend so
much quality time with her; she'll be so happy that she'll let you spend
all the time you want with the boys.
• So guys, tell your girl you need her, now!
Recommended Resources
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3. Relationship Skills
GOAL: Building a relationship up by developing trust, intimacy, and other
relationship skills
1-Being Honest With Each Other. You have to be honest with your partner
in how you feel. If she’s worth your time, she’ll respect your opinions and
emotions. Likewise, you have to respect hers. This doesn’t mean, of
course, that you should be shouting at each other every time you find
something wrong with the other. In fact, one of the most difficult skills is
telling your partner in the RIGHT WAY. Not by shouting, but not by meekly
stating your objections, either. You have to state your complaints firmly,
but also respectfully. Finding the balance requires true skill that comes
with time.
"Bloom her into fullness..When a man resigns, and simply tolerates his
woman's self-destructive moods, it is a sign of WEAKNESS. His attitude has
become one of wanting to escape women and the world, rather than
wanting to serve women and the world into love. A man shouldn't tolerate
bitchy and complaining moodiness in his woman, but he should serve her
and love her with every ounce of his skill and perseverance."
-David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
Always give your partner the benefit of the doubt. That way, if she is actually
screwing around behind your back, you’re in the clear. YOU’RE the victim.
Having confessed your failures and accepted God’s forgiveness, ask your
partner to forgive you.
Forget about your feelings. You do not have to feel anything to love your
spouse. Feelings may change because of your actions, but
feelings should not dictate your actions. Choose to love your mate, no
matter how you feel.
Express love to your mate by word or action once each day for the next
month. Perhaps you could begin with a compliment each day for the
next week.
Do not allow your mate’s reaction to stifle your love. Nothing your mate
does can stop your love as long as you choose to love. Why stop when
love is your greatest weapon for good and growth?
Few individuals can resist genuine, unconditional love for more than a
year. Why not start today? Make this the greatest year of your marriage.
Many have found that in less than a month, love has begotten love, and
their whole marriage has been turned around.
After you’ve thoroughly explored the resources in the Members Area, you may
find that you like more information. Here are two of the best online books that
I’d recommend to learn more.
Recommended Reading:
I’ve discovered a great book called “Double Your Dating” by David DeAngelo. If
you want to learn how to be a player and turn the tables on women who play
mind games (and get them intrigued and fascinated by you instead!), then this
book is for you. It’s especially effective for picking up beautiful women, who
play games better than anyone else. Once you’ve read this book, you’ll know
exactly what to do to show these women that you’re not like other guys out
there who give them everything you want; you’re a challenge, and YOU’RE the
one in control. As a result, you’ll find that women can’t get enough of you.
Author David DeAngelo didn’t start out knowing this tips. But he’s a smart,
educated regular guy ... a regular guy who for the longest time, like so many
others, couldn’t figure out why he didn’t have the success with women he
wanted.
Several years ago, he made the decision in his life to do whatever it takes to
get this whole “dating” thing down, no matter what the cost. He read
everything he could find about women and dating, and was disappointed to
discover that for the most part, there was no quality information available for
guys like him who wanted simple yet effective techniques for sparking a
woman’s interest from the start and getting her to actually come onto him ...
even if she was cold to him at first!
He was surprised to find that many of these guys weren’t rich or handsome. In
fact, several of them were down right broke and ugly! But they definitely had
some kind of “power” that other guys didn’t, and after hanging out with these
guys for a while, David started to figure out exactly what it was.
It took some time, but before long David himself was getting women like crazy.
His friends begged him to let them in on his secret. And, sure enough, it
worked for them too! David had put together a complete system for meeting
and dating women that any guy could use. They convinced him that he had to
write a book, and soon “Double Your Dating” was born.
In his book, David explains his step-by-step process for meeting and attracting
women. Once you know it and master it, you can attract any woman you want,
any time you want, by using the same mind games that women use on you.
Women won’t be able to understand why it’s so effective!
David has finally unraveled the “bad boy” mystery and explains exactly why
some guys “get all the chicks”. More importantly, he explains how to develop
the traits in yourself that drive women wild, and why you don’t have to be a
bad boy or a jerk to be successful with women.
There are simple things that you can do to separate yourself from 99% of the
other guys out there, and David spells them out for you in plain English. He
covers specific strategies and techniques for starting conversations with
women, getting their phone numbers and email addresses, inexpensive and
cheap date ideas, and how to take things to a “physical” level smoothly and
easily.
The techniques in the book are practical and easy to use. There is nothing you
will have to memorize or study. You can start using what you learn right away.
“Double Your Dating” is an absolute must read for any man, no matter where
you’re at in the dating game. If you want to be a player and drive women wild,
then the techniques in this book are for you.
Claim your copy of “Double Your Dating” for only $19.95 via my exclusive
link for 000Relationships.com members!
http://www.000relationships.com/doubleyourdating/
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