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The College Hill Independent: February 24, 2011

The College Hill Independent: February 24, 2011

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Published by: The College Hill Independent on Mar 06, 2011
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The Brown/rISD weekly | FeBrUAry 24 2011 | VolUme XXII ISSUe 3
by Malcolm Burnley, Emily Gogolak, and Erica Schwiegershausen
MANAGING EDITORS Gillian Brassil, Erik Font, Adrian Randall • NEWS Em-ily Gogolak, Ashton Strait, Emma Whitford • METRO Emma Berry, MalcolmBurnley, Alice Hines, Jonah Wolf • FEATURES Belle Cushing, Mimi Dwyer, EveBlazo, Kate Welsh • ARTS Ana Alvarez, Maud Doyle, Olivia Fagon, Alex Spoto •LITERARY Kate Van Brocklin • SCIENCE Maggie Lange • SPORTS/FOOD DavidAdler, Greg Berman • OCCULT Alexandra Corrigan, Natasha Pradhan• LISTDayna Tortorici • CIPHRESS IN CHIEF Raphaela Lipinsky • COVER/CREATIVECONSULTANT Emily Martin • X Fraser Evans • ILLUSTRATIONS Annika Finne,Becca Levinson • DESIGN Maija Ekey, Katherine Entis, Mary-Evelyn Farrior, EmilyFishman, Maddy Mckay, Liat Werber, Joanna Zhang • PHOTOGRAPHY JohnFisher • STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Drew Foster, Sarah Friedland, Annie Macdon-ald • SENIOR EDITORS Katie Jennings, Tarah Knaresboro, Erin Schikowski, EliSchmitt, Dayna Tortorici, Alex Verdolini
COVER ART Eli SchmittThe College Hill IndependentPO Box 1930Brown UniversityProvidence, RI 02912Contact theindy@gmail.com for advertising information. // theindy.orgLetters to the editor are welcome distractions. The College Hill Independent ispublished weekly during the fall and spring semesters and is printed by TCI Press inSeekonk, MA
by Emma Whitford
by Malcolm Burnley and Jonah Wolf 
by Kate Welsh
by Molly Cousins
by Esther Nasty
by Jess Daniels
by Maud Doyle and Olivia Fagon
by Belle Cushing
Group Sex 101
The best way to not have a threesome is to ask your partner if they want to have a three-some with that other hot person you stare at sometimes. If you’re not sure if your part-ner is into the idea of threesomes & beyond, broach the subject gently: “Hey honey,have you ever been tempted to try _______? I think it might be kind of fun.” Then, if they find their curiosity is piqued or have always had a passion for ménage a trois,have them make a short list of people they might want to try such sexcapades with.Go over the list together and approach mutually agreed upon individuals casuallyin a comfortable situation. If they’re interested as well its touch and go from therebutmake sure you and your partner discuss how you will maintain open lines of communi-cation before during and after your experience and what you are and are not comfort-able with.
If you have enjoyed a couple’s bed, it is polite to leave it and go back toyour own once things have wound down. It is polite to bring condoms to any situationthat may involve salacious behavior, and to wear or have your partner wear a fresh onefor discrete acts. It is extremely rude to complain about having to wear a condom; nomatter how much you hate the feeling, you’ll hate herpes way worse. It is impolite tocome to bed at all when you are intoxicated in ways that impair your ability to makechoices you won’t regret; group sex is a thing of finesse and there is no finesse in sloppy.If you have questions related to aspects of sexuality, relationships and sexual health thatyou want to see in print, please email them tosexanonymous1@gmail.comand some-one will get back to you shortly. Have a fucking fantastic weekend.
Dia Mustafa Barghouti, 2010, Palestine
I still haven’t seen Thom Yorke dance. Not even in June 2001, when I rolled down thepassenger-side window just enough for a scalper’s grubby fingernails to slide me twotickets to Radiohead’s show at the Santa Barbara Bowl. I hadn’t heard the new album,
, nor the one before that: I just wanted to see how they made those soundson “Paranoid Android.” Unfortunately for my pre-pubescent self, the capacity crowdstood for the whole set. My dad left in full “I’ve seen a lot of concerts, but...” mode; Iwas just pissed that the guy in front of me was so tall. My high-school career, 2003-8,coincided with the longest gap between Radiohead albums and a whole lot of jumpingbetween anti-conformity and anti-anti-conformity. The five guys from Oxford, whose“artisticness” didn’t keep them from selling out the Garden, got stranded in the crevicebetween these categories. (My grandpa’s asking about “the Radioheads” didn’t help.)I did click, multiple times, on the other music videos clogging my newsfeed this pastweek: Tyler, The Creator’s “Yonkers” video and performance on
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
There had been few pleasures greater, this fall, than the inevitable “WTF” faceelicited from innocents exposed to videos of Tyler and his crew ingesting a smoothieof pills, cough syrup, and malt liquor. Tyler, who started his first album by dissing king-making hip-hop blogs, had just signed to Radiohead’s home, mega-indie XL Records.Network TV should have further compromised his swag. But somehow, Tyler’s greenski mask supplied menace lacking from his bowdlerized lyrics (“Who the heck invitedMr. I Don’t Give A What?”); his manic leap onto Fallon’s shoulders showed that hefound his fame just as weird as I did. As we went to press, @kanyewest -- whose “All of the Lights” clip invited countless digital snorescalled “Yonkers” “the video of 2011.”
| 2
The Arab world was dealt yet anothershock on Sunday, when Omar al-Bashir,President of Sudan, announced his im-pending retirement. “He has no will to bepresident again,” Rabie Abdelati, a seniorgovernment spokesman, told Reuters.For anyone familiar with Bashir’s sto-ry, the announcement would have seemedimpossible before revolt rocked the Arabworld. Since winning power in a bloodlesscoup in 1989, Bashir has ruled Sudan withan iron fist. He is the only sitting head of state to be indicted by the InternationalCriminal Courtfor his perpetration of the ongoing genocide in Darfurand isvilified by the US for hosting Al Qaeda inthe 1990s. Human rights violations, cor-ruption, and large-scale neglect have beenprominent characteristics of the Bashirregime.As the region is exploding with callsfor justice and democracy, Bashir’s moveis seen as a direct response to the flux. Un-convincingly, however, the President de-nies any correlation. The same spokesmanthat announced Bashir’s decision affirmedthat its timing had “nothing, nothing atall” to do with the wave of revolutionsweeping the regionwhich inspired asmall series of protests in Sudan. “InEgypt, there was a gap between the rulers
Bad news for overscheduled Catholics: itturns out it isn’t possible to absolve yoursins at the touch of a touch-screen. In re-sponse to the overwhelming popularity of the recently released “Confession: A Ro-man Catholic App,” an iPhone applicationdesigned to aid Catholics with the sacra-ment of confession, the Vatican found itnecessary to issue a clarification on thenature of absolution. Although there wasunderstandably some confusion, the factof the matter is that the iPhone cannot for-give sins.The Confession App, released thisDecember by Little iApps, is designed for“those who frequent the sacrament andthose who wish to return,” said developerPatrick Leinen in a recent press release.The app aims to guide Catholics throughthe stresses of the Rite of Penance, allfor the bargain price of $1.99. Though ithas yet to reach Angry Birds’s status, theapp has been highly successful, currentlyranking in the top ten of iTunes’s Lifestyleapps.The Confession App features a cus-tom examination of conscience. Userssign in (logs of sin are password-protectedof course) and are asked to enter their age,sex
and vocation. The app then takes youstep-by-step through the Ten Command-ments, providing questions designed tocatch
transgressions that may otherwisehave been overlooked. Prompts vary ac-cording to user profile. A teenage girl isasked to consider the question, “Do I nottreat my body or other people’s bodieswith purity and respect?” under the SixthCommandment, while a middle-aged mar-ried man reads “Have I been guilty of mas-turbation?”Users can place a check mark nextto standard offenses (lying, not pray-ing, practicing superstitious activities) orchoose to type in their own custom sins.Once this stage of confession has beencompleted, the app offers seven acts of contrition to choose from. However,the
Vatican Radio
quoted Father FedericoLombardi reminding Catholics that “it isessential to understand that the sacramentof penance requires a personal dialoguebetween the penitent and the confessorin order for absolution to be given. Thiscannot be replaced by a computer appli-cation.” So, fear not clergymen: while acomputer takeover by Watson and Co.may seem increasingly imminent, thechurch is determined to remain a place of solace and job security.
by Malcolm Burnley, Emily Gogolak,and Erica Schwiegershausen
In the aftermath of Ken Jennings’s defeaton Jeopardy to Watson, IBM’s supercom-puter, Hasbro has introduced its own“computer overlord” into its signaturebrand, Monopoly. This fall, slap downfifty bucks and you’ll get Monopoly Live,an updated version of the classic boardgame, complete with a ten-inch computertower at the center of the game board.Powered by 4 AA batteries, it threatens todisplace, obliterate, and “make obsolete”all we love about Monopoly game-play:the multi-colored fake money, launderingthat multi-colored fake money under thetable, under-the-table deal-making withGrandma, fixing dice throws, and flat-outdisobedience of the rulebook. In Monop-oly Live, the infrared tower keeps a digitalbalance of each player’s funds, produceselectronic dice throws, and speaks voicecommands to ensure rules are adhered to.Citing a 9 percent drop in 2010 salesof old-fashioned board games, Hasbro istrying to appeal to a new generation of adolescents, hoping the game will meshwith their chronic addictions of physicalinactivity, energy drinks, and Xbox.Unfortunately, as a result of the com-puter tower, Monopoly Live willdeprive players from acquiring im-portant life lessons instilled throughthe classic version of the game. In arecent
New York Times
article, MaryFlanagan, Professor of Digital Hu-manities at Dartmouth University,and Joey Lee, Assistant Professor of Technology and Education at Teach-ers College at Columbia’s Teacher’sCollege, reviewed Monopoly Live’swisdom, and deemed it essentiallyworthless. Flanagan claims the new-est iteration is “less and less aboutfinancial awareness” while Lee be-lieves it is a shame to eliminate cheat-ing, which is better than the “blindadherence to following orders,” builtinto Hasbro’s newest creation.What happened to those char-acter-building board games that re-ally made you work? Nobody ran thegauntlet in Hungry Hungry Hipposwithout working up a good lather orleaving without a palm blister. Thenagain, maybe Hasbro is on to some-thing. Had the government devel-oped Monopoly Live’s technologyfour decades ago to run our real-lifebanks, railroads, and derivative realestate markets, we probably couldhave avoided half-a-dozen bailoutsand trillions in debt. But it’s a lotmore fun to roll the dice right? Comeon, double sixes!
and the people, but not in our country,”Mr. Rabie said. “In Sudan,” he continued,“[the leaders] live with the people.” MostSudanese would beg to differ. And mostare now questioning Bashir’s real motives.As Al-Tayeb Zein al-Abideen, a politi-cal science professor at the University of Khartoum, told the
New York Times
, “In theArab world, we have become accustomedto rulers staying in power until they die.”That Bashir himself did not make the an-nouncement is considered highly suspect,and many question if he seriously intendsto abdicate power. The news could simplybe a tool to pacify a nation in protest, tofeign a move toward democracy, and topretend to care for a people who feel for-gotten and abused by their government.What will happen now remains un-clear. In 2010, Bashir took the last roundof electionswhich outside observersdeemed illegitimatein a landslide. Thenext elections are scheduled for 2015,but some think that the opposition mayforce Bashir from office before the officialchange of guard. This could throw Sudaninto the same all-out chaos of its Arabneighbors, setting the stage for anotherextraordinary outcome in a region wherethe only guarantee is the unpredictable.

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