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GUIDANCE FOR

SCHOOL PERSONNEL:
STUDENTS WHO HAD A LOVED ONE
DIE IN THE EARTHQUAKE

July 2008

About the National Child Traumatic Stress Network

Established by Congress in 2000, the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) is a unique collaboration of
academic and community-based service centers whose mission is to raise the standard of care and increase access to
services for traumatized children and their families across the United States. Combining knowledge of child
development, expertise in the full range of child traumatic experiences, and attention to cultural perspectives, the
NCTSN serves as a national resource for developing and disseminating evidence-based interventions, trauma-informed
services, and public and professional education.
GUIDANCE FOR SCHOOL PERSONNEL:
STUDENTS WHO HAD A LOVED ONE DIE IN THE EARTHQUAKE

Introduction to trauma
The earthquake was a terrifying disaster for adults, children, families, and communities. The
extreme life threat, destruction, injury, and loss of life made this experience especially traumatic.
While struggling for their own survival, many saw friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors
seriously injured or die. During such an event, children and adults often feel intense fear,
helplessness, and horror. These feelings can keep coming back for a long time afterwards. When
a trauma causes the death of a loved one, children and adolescents may experience traumatic
grief, where grieving and mourning are made more difficult, and it becomes hard for them to
remember the person they lost without also thinking or picturing how the person died.

Reactions to the trauma and loss are likely to show up in children’s behavior at school, and
teachers can play an important role in the recovery of their students. By better understanding
students’ reactions, teachers can be prepared to provide appropriate support within the school
setting. By being informed about trauma, teachers and staff will be better able to assist students
with current school functioning and prevent future difficulties.

How do children and teens react to trauma and loss?


Children and teens react to trauma and loss in different ways. Their disaster experience, level of
understanding, ability to handle difficult emotions, and ways of coping will differ according to the
age of the child, temperament, and other life experiences or emotional problems. Caregivers,
family, peers, school, and community all contribute to how children and adolescents react and
recover. Many children recover after a brief period of difficulty. Others may continue to have
problems, while some become worse over time. A traumatic experience and the death of
someone important may affect children’s sense of safety, trust in the ability of others to provide
protection, reliance on the security of loving relationships, emerging confidence in self-care—
including handling danger, and sense of life as fair and controllable.

Children’s understanding of death changes as they develop and is influenced by family, religious,
and cultural values, such as the following:
• Pre-school children may not understand that a death is permanent, and expect the person
to return.
• School-age children may understand the physical reality of death, but—in longing for the
return of a lost loved one—may experience feelings of their presence.
• Adolescents may keep acting “young” and in need of a deceased parent, or minimize the
loss and try to “grow up too fast.”

When there is no physical confirmation of the death, as occurred after the earthquake where so
many bodies were not soon recovered, the above reactions can be much more intense and long-
lasting.

Guidance for School Personnel:


Students Who Had a Loved One Die in the Earthquake
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
www.NCTSN.org
1
A loss can impact a young person in different ways at different stages in his/her life. A toddler
whose caregiver died will be affected by the change of caregiver and disruption to daily routine. A
school-age child loses not only a caregiver, but also continuing emotional support and daily help
with schoolwork and outside activities. A teenager, who was becoming independent when a
caregiver died, may be torn between a sense of responsibility to surviving family members and
the wish for greater independence.

When a loved one has died in a way that has been traumatic, a child or teen is at risk for
developing childhood traumatic grief, in which common reactions may interfere with a child’s
ability to have positive memories and engage in activities that would be helpful for adjusting to
life without the person.

There are certain general reactions and responses that are common following a disaster such as
an earthquake. It is not unusual for children and teens who suffer a traumatic loss to have
difficulties afterwards in the following areas:

• Thoughts
o confusion
o problems with concentration, memory, attention
o thinking that they should have done something to prevent the death
o thinking that someone else close to them may die

• Feelings
o fear, anxiety, or worry about one’s own safety or the safety of others
o helplessness, lack of control
o sadness, depression, hopelessness, loneliness
o anger, irritability
o guilt, shame, insecurity
o being overwhelmed

• Physical reactions
o fatigue
o stomachache, headache
o rapid heart beat, shakiness
o other physical complaints

• Behaviors
o fighting, having tantrums
o clinging, refusing to separate or be alone
o disinterest in usual activities
o poor hygiene or self care
o avoiding or withdrawing from others or activities
o changing pattern of, or having problems with eating and sleeping
o poor school performance
o acting out, engaging in risky behavior
o other unusual change in behavior

Guidance for School Personnel:


Students Who Had a Loved One Die in the Earthquake
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
www.NCTSN.org
2
• Reactions to reminders
o Trauma reminders: Places, situations, people, sights, smells, or sounds related to the
death, including hearing a crash resembling collapsing buildings, hearing screaming,
or seeing rubble.
o Loss reminders: People, places, objects, situations, thoughts, or memories, such as
an empty chair at the dining table or in the classroom.
o Change reminders: Situations, people, places, or things that are reminders of how life
has changed, such as moving in with relatives or a having a new teacher replace a
teacher who died.

What is posttraumatic stress disorder?


Posttraumatic stress disorder refers to a particular group of reactions that occurs at least one
month following a trauma. The three general types of symptoms include:
• Re-experiencing: A kind of reliving the event, including having recurrent upsetting thoughts,
repeated distressing nightmares, or—in young children—repetitive play about the event. For
example, a child may play repeatedly by building a tower out of blocks, knocking it down, then
building it back up only to knock it down again.
• Hyperarousal: Being hyper alert—on the lookout for danger—while at the same time being
nervous, jumpy, agitated, irritable, angry, or having an increased startle reaction. For example,
a child may feel her heart racing upon hearing a sound that resembles collapsing buildings or
when a floor shakes.
• Avoidance/withdrawal: Avoiding thoughts, feelings, or places that remind the child of the
trauma, including withdrawing from or becoming disinterested in activities, or becoming
emotionally distant. For example, a teen may refuse to participate in a team activity at school
after members of the team have died.

What is the grieving process?


There is no right or wrong way to grieve; nor is there an appropriate length of time to mourn a
death. Different children grieve in different ways, and the process changes as a child grows older
and faces new experiences. A child, who as a toddler lost a brother, may have new questions
about the death as he grows older. A girl, who as a child lost her mother, may have a new sense
of longing for her as she becomes a teenager. Over time, it is helpful if children can:
• Accept the reality and permanence of the death.
• Cope with the painful emotions related to the death, such as sadness, anger, confusion, and
guilt.
• Adjust to changes in their lives and in their identity that result from the death.
• Develop new relationships or deepen existing relationships to help them cope with difficulties
and loneliness.
• Maintain a continuing healthy attachment to the person through reminiscing, remembering, or
creating a memorial.
• Make meaning of the death, including understanding the significance of the loss.
• Be able to have positive memories and engage in activities that help with adjustment to life
without the loved one.
• Continue with normal developmental tasks and activities.

Guidance for School Personnel:


Students Who Had a Loved One Die in the Earthquake
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
www.NCTSN.org
3
What are the signs a child or teen is having difficulty with childhood traumatic grief?
When a child is struggling with childhood traumatic grief, even happy thoughts about the person
who died may lead to upsetting memories. When traumatic or loss reminders occur, the child may
repeatedly focus on the distressing aspects of the death and not proceed through the normal
grief process. The grieving process can be further complicated if the child’s own life was in
danger.

A young person having difficulty with the grief process may:


• Have intrusive memories about the death, which occur unexpectedly or appear as nightmares.
• Feel guilty about how the person died.
• Avoid unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and reminders, by skipping school, staying away from the
sites of collapsed buildings, or refusing to play a game he had enjoyed with a deceased parent.
• Withdraw emotionally—appearing numb or having no feelings—as a way to manage upsetting
feelings.

There can be long lasting effects when a child’s post-trauma/loss reactions are not addressed. An
adolescent may develop serious problems with depression, abuse alcohol or drugs, or have other
mental health difficulties later in life. When grief issues continue for months, or become intense
or frequent enough to interfere with a young person’s ability to go to school, enjoy friends,
participate in activities, and engage in typical child behavior, caregivers should consult a mental
health professional.

Who is at risk for difficulty?


With nurturing support over weeks and months, many children and teens will find their fears,
sadness, and distress decreasing, and they will gradually engage in more typical, age-appropriate
activities. Others, however, may continue to suffer. Children more at risk for having problems and
requiring extra attention are those who have the following:
• Previous traumas or deaths
• Prior physical, emotional, or learning problems
• Caregivers who have difficulty adjusting
• Limited or less support from friends, family, and other adults
• Additional stresses related to changes and loss of home or school

What issues are particular to the school setting?


The students, as well as the entire school community, are still adjusting to the devastation and
death caused by the earthquake. Many school personnel in the affected areas have been
displaced and/or have been injured themselves. Many are grieving for their lost family members,
fellow teachers and staff, or students who died or had to move elsewhere. Issues for schools
include:
• School community
o The school building may have been damaged and will be a reminder of events and a
trigger for unpleasant reactions.
o The composition of school personnel may have changed, leaving adults and students
feeling upset.

Guidance for School Personnel:


Students Who Had a Loved One Die in the Earthquake
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
www.NCTSN.org
4
o Peers who have been lost or relocated will no longer be available for support and new,
relocated students will change the classroom composition.
o Group or social activities may have changed or ended.
o The school community may need to establish new methods and new support systems to
return to its former level of functioning.

• School personnel
o Staff may be struggling with their own reactions and symptoms of trauma and grief; they
may not work as effectively as they did or may be less available to students than they
were before.
o Staff may feel burdened by the added demands of a changed classroom and students
experiencing a range of responses.
o Teachers may find that certain subjects they have taught, on topics related to rocks or
earth, may now stir up distressing or painful memories and reactions.

• Students
o During the school day, students may experience reminders, express grief-related
reactions, or display other symptoms. It is important to remember that these responses
may be associated with the students’ experiences of the earthquake, so that problems
are identified and handled correctly. A tired student may not be getting enough sleep
because she is having nightmares. A student who appears to be daydreaming may be
having distressing thoughts. A student avoiding participation in an after school club may
be upset that a new coach has replaced one who died. An angry student may be mourning
a classmate. A student with incomplete homework may be spending all his extra time
rebuilding his home.
o Teachers and staff may observe specific symptoms and reactions that suggest difficulty.
They might see students engaging in repetitive play or notice that art projects have
themes or images related to the earthquake or to death. Some students may be pre-
occupied with talking about or asking questions about details of the event.

How can school personnel help a student?


School personnel play a very important role in observing students, understanding how to create a
supportive school environment, and identifying when a student needs to be referred for additional
help. Here are some suggestions for educators:
• Be aware of the common reactions described above.
• Remember that not all children will develop childhood traumatic grief; for those who do have
difficulty, expect to see a variety of reactions.
• If you have concerns about a student, share important and appropriate information with other
staff about him or her.
• Maintain normal school routines and a predictable schedule as much as possible. Create a
supportive environment, taking time to prepare students for changes.
• Provide an atmosphere of safety, normalcy, and fun. It is helpful to encourage participation in
social and extracurricular activities.
• Try to provide a place in school with a nurse or counselor, where students can go for help and
find someone to talk with.

Guidance for School Personnel:


Students Who Had a Loved One Die in the Earthquake
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
www.NCTSN.org
5
• Listen carefully to a student’s concerns. Try to be open and calm. Do not force students to talk
about their fears or thoughts; rather, let them know you are available if they wish to share
what’s on their mind.
• Answer students’ questions honestly, providing clear information tailored to their age. Be
prepared for some students to request information repeatedly. It is not harmful for staff to
admit that they don’t know an answer.
• Be flexible. Modify assignments and testing to help students who are having more difficulty.
• Adjust presentation of topics when necessary; for example, lessons in science might include
accurate information about cyclones.
• Use teaching strategies that promote concentration, retention, and recall to increase control
and performance. It may be helpful to outline the content of presentations before beginning,
break new or complicated information into small segments, or provide handouts of material
being discussed.
• Monitor students’ performance for signs that a student is having problems or falling behind.
• Understand that anger or regressive behavior may be part of the child’s or teen’s reaction to a
traumatic death. Help the student feel safe and, if necessary, seek additional help.
• Help students be sensitive to each other’s distress and support each other in positive ways.
For example, encourage students to include each other in play, monitor teasing, educate
students about peers’ need for quiet time, pair students for activities so that all students are
included.
• Be alert to students who are feeling overly responsible; reassure students they are not to
blame for the event or death.
• Help students develop and use their own coping skills, such as talking to a trusted adult or
enjoying pleasant activities like playing with friends, reading for pleasure, singing, dancing, or
doing art.
• For those who are able or interested, involve students in school or community activities that
help others.
• Be a role model, by dealing appropriately with your own upset feelings.
• Build a caring, supportive relationship with students and be available to assist families with
their concerns.
• Monitor and attend to your own reactions. Be aware of personal distress that might make it
more difficult to work with students. Network with colleagues, seek out support of family or
friends, and keep yourself in good health.
• Refer students needing additional help—those having significant problems with school work,
showing signs of depression or acting out behaviors, or having continued intense upsetting
reactions—to school professionals and counselors.

Guidance for School Personnel:


Students Who Had a Loved One Die in the Earthquake
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
www.NCTSN.org
6
Coping With Disasters/Traumatic World
Events

Emotional reactions to traumatic world events are normal. It is not uncommon to experience
distress following an event, even when you are not directly affected. Most people manage with
the support of family, friends and others in their communities. Others may feel overwhelmed
and unable to cope and need additional help and support.

Disasters can cause us to re-experience feelings and memories related to previous disasters, such
as the events of 9/11. In addition, other grief and loss experiences may resurface. The emotional
impact that a disaster has varies from person to person. Reactions to disasters are impacted by
individual beliefs, customs and cultural traditions. While those directly affected are more likely to
need additional mental health support, it is not uncommon for individuals living thousands of miles
away to experience stress and anxiety.

Five important things that you need to know are:

• What are normal reactions to a disaster?


• What can I do to cope better?
• How can I help my children?
• How do I know when to ask for help?
• Where can I get help if I need it?

Normal Reactions

The following are predictable reactions to traumatic events and are considered normal short-term
responses to an overwhelmingly stressful event.

• A sense of hopelessness about the future.


• Feeling helpless, frustrated, angry and irritable.
• Feeling anxious and afraid.
• Having difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep.
• Having trouble concentrating.
• Experiencing distressing dreams or memories of this disaster or previous events.

If you feel that your reactions are lasting too long, getting worse instead of better or interfering with
your ability to function, you may want to consider seeking professional support.

Healthy Coping

• Talk about your feelings and thoughts with family, friends and others in your community when
you are ready. This may reduce their intensity and help you feel less uncomfortable. You may also
find that your loved ones are experiencing similar feelings and you are not alone.
• Support and comfort one another in ways you find helpful.
• Pay close attention to your physical health - keep medical appointments, get enough rest and
exercise, eat nutritious meals, practice deep breathing, engage in fun and enjoyable activities, be
gentle with yourself and take time to appreciate the joy and beauty in your life.
• You may want to consider a donation to a relief organization as a way of contributing to the
recovery effort. Information about how to donate to relief organizations can be found by clicking on
the link below.
http://nyc.gov/html/fund/html/home/home.shtml
• Avoid too much sugar, caffeine, alcohol and other substances - including overmedicating with
prescription and over the counter drugs.

Children

• Reassure your children concerning their safety. Help them to understand how they are
protected.
• Answer their questions as honestly as you can. Remember that children interpret things
differently than adults do. They may need help to put things into perspective.
• Avoid overexposure to the disaster by limiting the amount of television your children watch.
• Click on the link below for more information about how to help your children cope.
http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/disaster.htm

When To Ask For Help

The time to ask for help varies from person to person. You may want to consider requesting
professional support if:

• Your normal sleeping pattern changes significantly.


• You feel that you can't go on.
• You have trouble concentrating and cannot do your usual tasks.
• Your relationships with friends, family and co-workers are significantly impacted.
• You are unable to manage everyday activities like you used to.
• You are relying on alcohol or drugs to cope.
• You are feeling very distressed, irritable, or agitated much of the time.

For children, withdrawal, aggressive behavior, problems at school, sleep disturbance or difficulty
separating from caregivers may indicate the need for professional support.

Where To Get Help

If you are concerned about yourself or someone you care about, you can find help by calling 311 or
the numbers listed below. The service is confidential and available in several languages.

• 1-800-LifeNet (1-800-543-3638) (English)


• 1-877-Ayudese 1-877-298-3373 (Spanish)
• 1-877-990-8585 (Asian LifeNet)
• 1-212-982-5284 (TTY)

For other languages call 1-800-LifeNet and ask for a translator.


Discussions with Children About the Disaster in Japan

The disaster in Japan is of incomprehensible proportions, and particularly because of the multi-dimensional
unfolding of, not one disaster, but three. As expected, it is generating intense media coverage. Immediately,
graphic and disturbing pictures and film footage blasts across the television screens in our homes, and our
children see people who are in pain, suffering and often without much reason for hope. Particularly for
younger children, who haven’t lived long enough to have the social history and context to understand that
recovery is even possible on any level, these images can be anything from mildly disturbing to terrifying.

In this particular event, the nuclear leaks are grave cause for concern for people in Japan. The current
coverage of people in radiation shielding suits passing Geiger counters over children’s bodies is causing alarm
for some of our children here in the US and in other countries around the world. Here are some suggestions
for teachers and parents for helping children make sense of and cope with this disaster.

One: The younger the child, the more their reactions are aligned with how disturbed the adults in their world
appear to be. In other words, their reassurance will be, in part, dependent on your own sense of calm. So the
first need is for you to be calm, watch your tone of voice, choose your language carefully, watch your body
language and non-verbal messages, and also remember that children hear what we’re saying in conversations
with others and may or may not be able to make sense of what they hear when you don’t realize they’re
listening.

Two: Children are much more vulnerable to graphic images and television/video coverage of these events than
adults. Although we might want to protect our children by not telling them anything at all and not allowing
them to see television coverage, they will hear about it from other children who may know a great deal and may
be anxious. Turn off the television! There is no need for them to see graphic coverage. But do talk with them
about this! Often our silence about things that are frightening for youth is misinterpreted as a taboo about
speaking of it, or worse, they think we are so overwhelmed and frightened that we can’t bear to bring it up.

Your discussion could go like this, adjusted for age:

Statement of the obvious: Often we have little storms and sometimes we have big storms, but once in a
very long time, there is a natural disaster that is very large. It is very, very rare, but this past week the
people in Japan had a very large event. There was an earthquake first, and that caused a very large wave
in the ocean that flooded their towns. Have you heard about that? (Allow responses/discussion.)
Something that is being talked about in the news is that this has made their energy plants go out, so
people don’t have electricity. Did you hear about that? (Given that there is now great concern about
radiation exposure, this would be the time to try to find out whether your child/children know about this
and are worried about it. In some cases, those who are worried have concerns about the radiation being in
the air and coming to the US and posing a danger to us. Others may be concerned for the little ones they
see in the news who are wearing masks and whose bodies are being screened with Geiger counters. Either
way, our children and youth will be better served by our addressing this with them if they are concerned
rather than placating their fears with easy answers about how the wind will dilute the nuclear material.

Statement of assumption: When things like this happen, lots and lots of people mobilize right away to
help the victims. In this case, there is much to be done. (You might describe some of those efforts in a
developmentally appropriate way… for young children: how people went right away to find victims who were
stuck in the rubble or how people will bring water and food and tents so there is a place to stay for now.
For older students, this would be a great time to assign them lessons on researching aide organizations to
make this a teachable moment at that level.) When you think about the things you’ve heard, are there
parts that are particularly bothersome or frightening for you?

If radiation is a topic of conversation: It is unconscionable of us to make promises we can’t keep, so


it is not truthful to tell them that this could never happen here. We have many nuclear plants in the

MANAGEMENT INSTITUTE PO Box 331 * Salem, OR 97308 * (503) 585-3484


© 2011 Cheri Lovre, MS www.cmionline.org clovre@earthlink.net
US that have less safety in their design than those in Japan, so don’t make promises about that.
Instead, you might bring the focus here:

Although they are telling us that some nuclear material has escaped from the plants, they are a
long way from here. Let me show you what that means in terms of what will end up in the air here in
the US. (Hold some sand in your hand.) If this sand were radio active, it would burn through my hand.
But think. If I went outside and threw this handful of sand up into the wind, it would scatter all over
the playground, and some would be carried downtown, and some would be up in the wind all the way to
England! And one grain of sand that is radioactive wouldn’t have the ability to cause the same kind of
danger that a whole handful would. Think about ice. If someone put a teeny tiny chip of ice on your
hand, it would melt SO fast. But if someone put your hand into a whole bag of ice chips, your hand
would get really cold really fast.

Impact to us: When things like this happen, we have a range of reactions. Sometimes we are very sad for
them. We wouldn’t be very kind people if we just saw things like this and didn’t care about the people.
And some of us might feel frightened, like “what if this happened to us?” There are other kinds of
reactions we might have as well. (Generate a list from student brainstorming. Put it on the board.)

Putting fear into perspective: Sometimes when we hear about these things, or some of us see about it on
television, we become afraid that it might happen to us. Let’s look at how very unusual this kind of event
actually is. (You might show graphics for older students that show how many storms we have for each
major disaster. For younger children, you might use a gallon jar that is empty, and then slowly pour white
sand into the jar, and finally you might drop in one grain of another color – red or black – something visible
when a student looks into the jar from the top – just that one grain perched above the whole gallon of
sand.)

How we can cope and what we can do: (Now, look at each of those reactions students gave you and help
them generate ideas about coping and responding.) So let’s look at what we can do when we’re sad about
something like this. (Students can think about raising money to give to an organization or younger
students could draw pictures of hope and you could send them to the Japanese Embassy. The goal here is
to recognize that taking action is a great help in coping with feelings.)

Looking at how people recover from these events: Generate discussion on what children or youth
recognize about what they have done in the past to cope with difficult times. The bottom line is that we
get through difficult times best when we “bundle” together. You could hand one child a pencil. “Can you
break this?” and a child may be strong enough to break one pencil. Hand another child two pencils. “Can
you break these with your hands?” and maybe… then hand a child a “bundle” of ten pencils. “Hold these in
your hands. Can you break these all at once?” This is a great way to illustrate how an event like this can
“break a human spirit” when we have to go through it alone, but that we survive these things much better
when there are others with us to whom we can cling, with whom we can work, etc.

Now begin the reassurances.


• When things like this happen, many many international organizations immediately mobilize help. And
they’re good at it. Much will happen. Medical help, food, water, and shelter.
• The way we get through difficult times is that we do it together. There are lots of people there who
will be helping one another, even early on. Friends and neighbors will hug and comfort and help all they
can. If you have an example of a difficult challenge that your community or your family faced, relate
all the good things that your network and outside groups provided.
• Although things like this don’t happen very often, it seems like they do because television tells us
every single thing like this. But when we look at how many people die in earthquakes, we realize that it
isn’t very many as a whole. So you could do something like putting one dried split pea in a gallon jug,
and that represents the number of people who die every year in an earthquake. And then fill the jar

MANAGEMENT INSTITUTE PO Box 331 * Salem, OR 97308 * (503) 585-3484


© 2011 Cheri Lovre, MS www.cmionline.org clovre@earthlink.net
with all the other kinds of beans you have and that would represent all the other people. In general,
the message is, “If there are this many people in the world, only this one would die in an earthquake.”

Examples from their own lives: What are some of the things you’ve done to get through difficult times?
Sometimes our inclination is to entirely protect our children from what is happening. We would like for
youth to have happy childhoods, some level of naiveté, and to grow up without having to live in fear.
Perhaps the best route is to look at where the balance is, and to separate that from which children need
protection from that for which children need support.

What we can do: It is very helpful for students – really for anyone - if we can provide them the
opportunity to do something. What are some of your ideas? Maybe we want to think about what we could
do to help people who are struggling right here in our own community. What would that look like?

Three: Provide the opportunity for students to do something. Research is showing that those who have
something that they can do in the immediate aftermath of events fare better toward recovery. Young
children could draw pictures of hope and send them to the Japanese Embassy or to aide agencies that are
going over to Japan. Older students could do fundraising. Depending on the age of students/children, you may
be able to move them toward doing something to help people locally.

Current research on raising resilient children does not tell us that those children who are most resilient grew
up without facing adversity. We know that we are all born with a capacity toward resiliency, and that what
fosters resilience in children is having “protective factors” that allow them to face adversity with a network of
support, compassion and understanding. In facing that challenge, children are able to draw on internal
strength coupled with external support. With that, they are able to cope with the challenge and learn lessons
that allow them to have a greater “toolkit” of healthy coping skills.

There are a couple of other considerations about deciding whether or to what degree to shield your child
knowing about these major events. One is that, when we are not within the area of impact, these events are a
wonderful opportunity to help your child learn about how people survive difficult times at a time when it isn’t
your crisis. Another positive is that this is a terrific time to teach empathy.

Current research in the field of trauma, however, is telling us that exposure to these events by watching
graphic coverage on television can manifest what is called “secondary trauma” or trauma within ourselves from
high levels of exposure to the event.

So where is the balance? It is absolutely prudent to shield your child/your students from the graphic
television coverage. Turn the TV off. Instead, use less psychologically saturating materials, such as
newspapers, or hop onto the internet and read (but skip the video footage). Reading and talking with children
allows them the time to reflect and question. Television coverage doesn’t allow this reflection in the same way.
So instead of thinking so much about protecting them from the awareness of frightening events, think more in
terms of protecting them from receiving the information in ways that are psychologically overwhelming.

As noted, another reason to take time to talk with children about these events is that they are likely to hear
about them from others, even children as young as preschoolers. Children often don’t know whether to bring
up frightening thoughts or issues to their parents. They sometimes read our silence on the issue as a non-
verbal cue that this isn’t something that is open for discussion. Then they worry in silence and we don’t know.
If the child can just continue speaking about it, let them talk. Try to remember the points to which you’ll want
to return later, but try not to interrupt them if they are continuing to talk. If they aren’t talking easily, some
questions you might ask could include:
• How did you hear about it?
• What do you know?
• When you think about it, what things do you think might make children sad?
• What kinds of things might make children fearful?

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• What do you wish someone could answer?
• What do you wish adults understood about how this is for you?
What you might notice about these questions is that, in some cases, instead of asking “What do you feel,” we
can ask “What might children be feeling…” The reason this is so effective is that it is less confrontational.
The child can assume they might be answering for others, so they aren’t openly “owning” their fears, and yet
you can assume that the fears they’re transferring to others are most likely their own. So when a child says
that other children might be fearful it could happen to them, you might respond with, “That makes sense to
me! I bet if I were your age I’d worry about exactly the same thing!” You’re validating that their fear is not
unusual, but you also are going to follow up in the conversation with any honest assurances you can. For this
stage, the goal is to let the child put words to their most feared aspects, because naming something is the
beginning of a sense of control, and takes it out into the light from the hidden place inside them.

Finally, remember, we all feel more empowered if we can do something that makes a difference. What can
your children/students do? Raise money to give an organization? If the kids are old enough, they could make a
project of researching what groups are doing what and choose one they’d most like to support.

Remember, children don’t become resilient because they never face adversity. They become resilient because
they face adversity with external supports including compassionate adults who listen, that we believe in their
abilities to cope and have high expectations of them, and that we give them the means to contribute in a
meaningful way. Model your belief in your calm manner. Listen more than you speak when students/children
are trying to share their stories with you. Remember, it is possible to validate that you can understand
children their ages having the fears they name without validating that the fears have a basis in reality. Clarify
for them the ways that you accept their fears but don’t harbor them yourself, and why. But don’t ask children
“why” about anything! It tends to put them on the defensive. More effective language might be, “Tell me more
about that.” “When did you first think that?” or, “….feel that way?”

MANAGEMENT INSTITUTE PO Box 331 * Salem, OR 97308 * (503) 585-3484


© 2011 Cheri Lovre, MS www.cmionline.org clovre@earthlink.net
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FOR
JAPAN DISASTER RELIEF EFFORT
1. To what organizations can a school contribute?

There are many organizations that are accepting donations for relief efforts for the
victims of the Japan earthquake and tsunami. We recommend that schools make their
donations to the Mayor’s Fund to Advance New York City, which will then distribute
them to reputable relief organizations that are working in or with Japan. You can
visit www.nyc.gov for more information. If schools decide to donate to other
organizations, they must make sure that they are reputable charitable organizations.

2. What types of fundraising activities can my school plan?


There are many ways schools can raise funds. Below are some examples:

a. Bake Sales: Each school will be allowed to hold one bake sale either
during or after school hours to benefit the Japan disaster relief effort. For
these bake sales, the Chancellor is temporarily waiving the restrictions in
Chancellor’s Regulation A-812, but the following restrictions will remain
in effect:
No candy or soda may be sold to students; and
No bake sales may take place in the school cafeteria.

b. Used Book Sales: Used books may be collected and sold to raise money
for the Japan disaster relief effort.

c. Pledge-collecting activities, such as athletic events, walk-a-thons, read-a-


thons or other tournaments. Students may collect pledges from parents
and members of the community. These fund-raising events may not be
held during the school day, and students may not collect pledges during
school hours. There can be no direct solicitation of pledges or money
from students anywhere in the school during the school day.

d. Collection box for money (or other items). These should be placed in a
secure common space in the school and the proceeds or items secured at
the end of each day. Collections should be done this way so the identities
of students making contributions and not making contributions are not
revealed.

e. Tickets-selling events, such as musical, theatrical or athletic events.

3. Are any activities prohibited?


The following activities are not allowed:

a. The sale of tickets for children’s attendance at movie houses and theatres,
unless the project is directly connected with the curriculum.

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b. Door-to-door solicitations of funds by children.
c. The sale of raffle tickets to any children.
d. Bingo or any other form of gambling.
e. Direct solicitation. No one – including staff, the School Leadership Team,
parent associations, other students or outside organizations – can collect
money or goods directly from students anywhere in school, including
classrooms, home room and the cafeteria, at any time during the school
day. However, as mentioned above, it is appropriate and permissible to
place a collection box in a secure common space. Additionally, schools
can recruit students to voluntarily participate in fundraising when school is
not in session, as long as school personnel do not act as a conduit and
collect funds from students on behalf of a charity. School personnel may
distribute flyers or other literature, or otherwise notify students, of out-of-
school fundraising activities.

4. Are schools restricted in their ability to hold in-school fundraisers for Japan
disaster relief efforts?
In order for schools to be able to hold fundraisers to support the relief effort, the
Chancellor has waived the restriction in Chancellor’s Regulation A-610 that limits the
number of fundraising activities that may occur during school hours. The Chancellor
is temporarily waiving this restriction to enable schools to engage in fundraising
activities for Japan disaster relief. You can read Chancellor’s Regulation A-610
online at http://docs.nycenet.edu/docushare/dsweb/Get/Document-26/A-610.pdf

5. If I have specific legal questions not covered here, whom can I contact?
If you have other ideas about ways your school can raise funds for the relief effort
and have questions about whether they are permissible, contact the Office of Legal
Services by calling (212) 374-6888, emailing AskLegal@schools.nyc.gov, or
contacting your Senior Field Counsel or the DOE Ethics Officer at
sbiletsky@schools.nyc.gov.

6. Can people make individual donations to charitable organizations?


Yes. Charitable organizations will accept direct contributions from individuals as
well as from schools.

7. Can we collect cash, coins and checks?


Yes, but it is important to remember that all giving must be voluntary. Please ensure
that even where donations are made by check, neither the principal nor other school
staff pressures staff members, parents, or students to contribute when they do not
wish to do so voluntarily. We encourage you to deposit the funds into school bank
accounts the same day, if possible, and then write out checks from the school account
to the Mayor’s Fund to Advance New York City or other organization(s) of your
choosing. In the meantime, we encourage you to keep the money in a secure place.
Please also refer online to http://dfoapps.nycenet.edu/SOP/Default.aspx?c=1024 for
standard operating procedures for collecting and accounting of funds. Additionally, if

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schools collect checks made out directly to charitable organizations for Japan relief
efforts, schools should forward those checks to the charitable organizations.

8. What if my school doesn’t have a bank account?


Most schools should have bank accounts. If you do not have a school bank account,
you can bring a money order or bank check to 65 Court St., Room 1802, Banking
Unit. The money order or bank check should be payable to: Department of
Education/Japan Disaster Relief. If you need any additional help, contact Rachid
Dehbi from the Banking Unit at 718-935-5384 or at RDehbi@schools.nyc.gov. As
mentioned above, we encourage you to keep the money in a secure place before it is
deposited.

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