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Something Only Cypress Hill Could Understand

Something Only Cypress Hill Could Understand

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Published by Peter MGunn
This is a story I wrote. It is twenty four pages long. I don't know why the line spacing is weird. Please let me know what you think.
This is a story I wrote. It is twenty four pages long. I don't know why the line spacing is weird. Please let me know what you think.

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Published by: Peter MGunn on Mar 19, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Peter McDonaldEnglish 190Something Only Cypress Hill Could UnderstandJason Kavlivetch interrupts his point to cough for the sixth time this evening. He isworried it will him look like an amateur; but since Frank, G.Cam, Bosco, and even Davey havebeen hacking up half a lung each the entire afternoon, Jason, or J-Dog as his brothers call him,doesn't sweat it. Besides, this is the dankest weed any of them has ever smoked, and Bosco'sbong always hits too hard anyways. Davey really outdid himself this time. Jason pauses for onemore second before continuing."But what I was trying to say was. Bros. If you looked, I mean actually looked into thepledges' eyes when they were at the edge of that pool and we were telling them we were about tothrow them into the Colorado River tied to a chair. It's like I saw the instinct of survival fullytake hold on their faces. Primal instincts, dog. They were actually afraid for their lives. Intense.""Wait, J-Dog, are you serious?" Frank coughs for ten seconds before he can finally talk again. He did not mean to get this high; he has a paper due in three hours, but the door to thechapter room is never open so he thought he would take a peek. "They actually thought theywere gonna DIE? It’s just a pledge ritual. We’re not the Bloods. That stuff doesn’t meananything; it’s all just theater."Frank directs his comment upward to Jason and Davey. There is a specific seating order in the Psi Theta chapter room, no matter the purpose. The Supreme Exalted Khan’s (i.e.president's) chair and desk is at the back of the room and elevated two steps above everyone else.In it, Jason sips a beer wearing a pink polo shirt and plaid shorts. The Vice Exalted Khan's chair is located to the right and is elevated one step. When Davey, sporting a “vintage” Led Zeppelin t-shirt and baggy jeans, hears Frank's remark, which comes from by the door and next to therefrigerator, he snaps out of grooving to Young Jeezy and sits up to correct this blasphemy."Theater? You think we turn God Damn Independents into the finest brothers in Texasevery single year with
? Maybe you haze pledges by singing show tunes at them over atAngelo State University, where Psi Theta is a goddamn bridge club, but in Omega chapter, our 
stare death in the face and do not flinch. And that’s why we drink the most, bang the hottestslampieces, win every intramural tournament, throw the best parties, own student government,do the most service, have the most popular band and a commanding market share of all the drugson campus” Davey points to himself as he says those last two, “and graduate and find jobs for the most seniors.”Jason continues Frank’s education, saying “And you can check the stats on all of that shit. Weare the number one frat at the University of Texas, which means we are the number one frat inthe country, so please have some respect for what you’re a part of.”
Oh, and don't contradict J-Dog. He's your president. What are you, a communist?"Sensing an escalating tension in the room, G.Cam, clad in a blue polo shirt and khakis,steps in to fulfill his frat-appointed role as token wise black man. His ability to easily defuseconflicts with sage words of wisdom, which most of the fraternity for some reason believes is aproduct of his childhood in the Dallas projects and his crack-addicted single mother, proved evenmore valuable than his “diversity factor” in becoming the Noble Khan, who oversees the pledgeprocess and receives the third highest chair. "Hey chill out, Davey. We're all bros here. Frank isjust as much a Psi Theta as you, or I, or J-Dog, or even fat-ass Bosco over there. Look at thathomie. I think he asleep, just like always." G.Cam points to Bosco, who has slumped all the wayout of chair number four, which belongs to the Field Khan or rush chair, and is unconscious onthe floor. His shirt rides and his shorts slide down, exposing his belly and underwear, while hisleft hand lies limp in a half-empty bag of Sabritones.Davey smiles a quiet laugh, “You’re right. Frank, I'm sorry bro. It's just I’ve seen bothsides of the pledge process, and it, actually, some gangsta shit. Like J-Dog said, it was intense."Frank's humbled response: "Word."Three minutes pass with Young Jeezy's voice being the only one in the room. G.Camlooks like he has a thought but is trying to decide whether now is the right time to say it. Heworks up the courage. "Yo Davey, J-Dog. I feel you on that man, like I remember goin' through
that stuff when I was a pledge and it was scary and all but,” G.Cam's voice starts to waver,"Don't you guys also remember how drunk you were that night, either time?"What do you mean, G.Cam?" asks Jason."It's just like, back in Dallas I knew some real gang-bangers. Not well you know. I didn'trun with them, but like we were chill. North Side Crips. They had those teardrop tattooes. I wastalkin' to one one time and he wouldn't tell me exactly what the initiation ceremony was, butwhen he mentioned it his eyes got real cold. Like, honest to god ice cubes. I remembered. And Iremember when you guys were staring at pledges at the edge of the pool, the ones pleading for their lives. I made a point of it because I wanted to see if any of you could match him in thatmoment, and none of you did."The album of Young Jeezy has ended two minutes ago, so everyone is sitting in silence.Davey eventually feels moved to speak."Damn, bro. Thanks for sharing. Wait didn’t you go to private school?""Yeah, I did. These were my second cousins. I didn't see 'em all that much, but they'd buyme liquor when I needed them to, and they usually had pretty good weed too. I didn't mean to getall heavy on y'all, it's just like, as hardcore as we think Psi Theta is, like Frank said, we ain’t theCrips.”“Yes G.Cam, you are correct. We are a fraternity and not a gang, thank God.”
Hey, my cousins were some real G's. Your entrepreneurial ass could learn something. Theseboys actually ran the Dallas streets, like legit control over coke, meth for a quarter of the city,and it’s because they had the hardest stare on the block. Once you got that cold stare, you canpretty much do whatever you want before you meet someone harder than you, and those peopleended up in prison pretty quickly. I asked about joining when I was 14 but they said I’m thefamily member that's supposed to be successful."Bosco has been slowly working his way toward coherence. Inspired, he finally sits up andchimes in. "Dude, let's fuckin' kill someone bro."Jason rolls his eyes at another one of Bosco's stupid ideas. "Bosco. Why would we killsomeone? Who would we kill?""It doesn't matter man who we kill. A hobo. Someone nobody's gonna miss. The persondoesn't matter. But J-Dog, you heard G.Cam right? If you actually got that cold-killer stare, youcan do what you want. Think about it. The next time those fags across the street at OmegaLambda wanna schedule a party on the same night as us, you can just flash them the stare andthey will cancel that shit, bro. The next time a bitch doesn't want to go down, you just give her 

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