Professional Documents
Culture Documents
The room is separated into three areas by two barricades that run across the entire
room. The barricades are made of random objects and an assortment of boxes. The air
is slightly smoky.
SMOLDER'S P. O. V.
He's huddled up next to a barricade. The flash of repeated explosions light the dimly lit
battlefield nearby. Smolder looks over at Guildenstern, who's dressed in fatigues and is
crouching nearby.
GUILDENSTERN
This means war...
SMOLDER
I kinda of gathered that from the explosions
and gunfire.
GUILDENSTERN
It's good to finally meet you Smolder.
Someone YELLS and a FIGURE lands in front of Smolder. His head, hands, and bare
feet are wrapped in gauze. He's wearing black loose fitting clothing. The figure tries to
grab Smolder. Guildenstern points his hand at the figure.
GUILDENSTERN
Fire!
The figure looks down at itself and franticly starts patting down it's body as if it's on fire.
GUILDENSTERN'S P.O.V.
SMOLDER
What'd you do to it?
GUILDENSTERN
I altered it's coding so that it thinks it's
on fire.
SMOLDER
Cool...
SMOLDER
Freeze!
GUILDENSTERN
So what's the plan?
A bright FLASH.
Smolder QUICKLY ducks, turns around, and places his back against the barricade.
SMOLDER
I'm not sure. I wasn't expecting all of
this.
SMOLDER'S P.O.V.
Guildenstern reaches into one of the boxes and pulls out a Dachshund stuffed animal.
He chucks the stuffed animal over the barricade.
GUILDENSTERN
Fire in the hole!
The SOUND of a nearby explosion.
MEL'S P.O.V.
GUILDENSTERN
Do you have anything to report?
MEL
We may have discovered a way around to
the other side but it's pretty tricky.
MARV
Tricky? It's incredibly dangerous!
CHASSA
Who's the new guy?
GUILDENSTERN
The new guy is Smolder and he's our secret
weapon.
MEL
Smolder's a weird name.
SMOLDER'S P.O.V
MEL
Ready?
MARV
Fight!
Marv head butts one of the figures and then swipes it off it's feet. Chassa points her
hand at another of the figures.
CHASSA
Jitterbug!
GUILDENSTERN'S P.O.V.
The figure starts to dance. Chassa punches the figure in the stomach. The third figure
grabs Chassa from behind.
CHASSA
Mel!
Mel grabs the third figure and pulls it off of Chassa. Marv points his hands at the second
and third figures.
MARV
Lasso!
SMOLDER'S P.O.V.
The second and third figures get pulled together. Marv motions them towards the first
figure. All three figures are lying on the floor together. Marv, Chassa, and Mel all point at
the figures.
SMOLDER
That didn't look to hard.
GUILDENSTERN
I've been training these kids for what
seems like years. Believe me. They're highly
skilled.
SMOLDER
Okay... Listen, I need to know how to get around
to the other side. I'm gonna end this.
MARV'S P.O.V.
MARV
I'll show you.
SMOLDER
We'll need a distraction.
GUILDENSTERN
Me and the girls will provide that.
Shields up ladies!
SMOLDER
Let's go.
GUILDENSTERN'S P.O.V.
GUILDENSTERN
Time to load up.
Guildenstern, Mel, and Chassa pull a bunch of random objects out of some of the boxes
and toss them over the barricade.
GUILDENSTERN
Here we go!
Chassa and Mel jump over the barricade and Guildenstern begins to follow them.
SMOLDER'S P.O.V
SMOLDER
So what's your story, kid?
MARV
Well, I have Asperger Syndrome so
people think I'm weird but I think
everybody else is weird so basically
society and I are locked in an eternal
struggle over how to interact socially.
SMOLDER
People think I'm weird too.
MARV
We're about to encounter bogeys.
GUILDENSTERN'S P.O.V.
He watches as Chassa and Me struggles with a group of FIGURES in the middle of the
battlefield.
MARV'S P.O.V.
Marv turns a corner and sees five FIGURES standing in the hallway.
MARV
Ready?
SMOLDER'S P.O.V.
SMOLDER
Freeze!
SMOLDER
Freeze!
SMOLDER
Butter knees!
The third figure's legs start to wobble. Smolder falls to his knees and slides across the
floor. Smolder knocks the third figure over with his arm as he slides by it. The fourth
figure starts to run towards Smolder. Smolder points at the fourth figure.
SMOLDER
Slowly now!
The fourth figure SUDDENLY starts running in slow motion. The fifth figure heads
towards Smolder. Smolder points at the fifth figure.
SMOLDER
Patience please!
The fifth figure hits an invisible wall. Smolder transitions from sliding on his knees to
standing, spins around and slams the fourth figure in a face with the back of his left
hand. Smolder then punches the fifth figure in the face with his right hand.
MARV'S P.O.V.
MARV
That was pretty sweet.
SMOLDER
As sweet as apple pie.
MARV
Yeah... wait, what?
SMOLDER
So where to next?
MARV
It's just through this door.
SMOLDER'S P.O.V.
Smolder walks through the door and sees a barricade of boxes with numerous
FIGURES hiding behind it. The figures see Smolder and rush him. Smolder points at
one of the figures.
SMOLDER
F--
SMOLDER
What's with the subtitles?
MARV'S P.O.V.
MARV
Paper Weight!
SMOLDER
Thanks Marv!
SMOLDER'S P.O.V.
Smolder slowly turns around and searches for some physical sign of the virus.
SMOLDER
Cut the crappy crap crap! Face me and
fight!
SMOLDER
That seems like a question but there's an
exclamation point so you must be thinking
out loud... and it's ironic that I'm pointing that
out since I'm thinking out loud right now too.
SMOLDER
You don't know what ironic means do
you? That's also ironic since I don't
think I know what it means either.
SMOLDER
You saying that is also ironic since
ironic is a word I've been using.
MARV
I don't think that's right!
The lights flash on and off. Smolder is standing in between the two barricades. He looks
around and sees Guildenstern, Chassa, Mel, and Marv standing behind him. He turns
back around and sees the VIRUS standing ahead of him. It's wearing a brown jacket,
blue jeans, a black shirt, and black boots.
SMOLDER
You're sense of style is... odd.
CHASSA
Style? Please... that's just an arrangement
of boring clothes!
VIRUS
I bet you thought you'd defeated me by
talking.
SMOLDER
That would have been very cliched.
VIRUS
You wanted to fight me so go ahead...
Smolder starts running towards the Virus and the Virus starts running towards Smolder.
The Virus spins around and kicks Smolder in the chest. Smolder knocks the Virus' leg
away with his left arm, spinning the Virus around, and then slams his palm against the
back of the Virus' head. The Virus falls forward and as it hits the ground it swipes
Smolder's legs out from under him. Smolder falls backward and hits the floor. The Virus
rolls onto it's back and starts to get up. Before it can though Smolder latches his left foot
around the back of the VIrus' head and smashes it in the face with his right foot
repeatedly. The Virus gets loose and rolls out of Smolder's line of sight. Smolder gets
up but SUDDENLY gets knocked to the side. He closes his eyes for a few seconds and
when he opens them the Virus is standing before him. The Virus grabs Smolder's head
and slams it down against his up thrusting knee. Smolder briefly closes his eyes again
and when he opens them everything is blurry. He gets knocked around for some more
and closes his eyes again.
In the darkness Smolder sees dim image of Scullery and Alan sitting at the computer
looking at him. Scullery looks really worried.
Scullery smilies. Smolder opens his eyes. Smolder is on the floor looking up at at the
Virus. The Virus is about to slam his foot down on Smolder's face. Smolder grabs the
Virus' foot, stopping it.
SMOLDER
Your time's up Majestic 12.
Smolder throws the virus back. Smolder blinks. The Virus hits the wall. Smolder stands
up and QUICKLY rushes over to the Virus pinning it against the wall.
VIRUS
No... it's impossible!
SMOLDER
That's even more cliched.
Smolder places his hand over the Virus' face. Smolder's hand starts to glow.
VIRUS
Execute File: Drake...
SMOLDER'S P.O.V.
Smolder's hand glows brighter until Smolder let's go. The Virus starts to fall to the floor.
GUILDENSTERN'S P.O.V.
SMOLDER'S P.O.V.
SMOLDER
Something's wrong...
CUT TO BLACK:
JEFF
Drake, why aren't you breathing?
THE END