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Dating the Narcisstic Victim

Dating the Narcisstic Victim

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Published by Barry Herbach
Many women have nightmare stories of dating narcissistic men. This is a twist on this. A "sensitive caring man" who is really a secret narcissist.
Many women have nightmare stories of dating narcissistic men. This is a twist on this. A "sensitive caring man" who is really a secret narcissist.

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Published by: Barry Herbach on Mar 23, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Barry Herbach, LCSW
141 East 55
t h
StreetNew York, NY 10022Telephone: (212) 229-7451
Dating the Narcisstic Victim
A narcissist is very flattering, very seductive. They would make you feel as though their world isvery special and if they allow you into it, you'll be very special, too. They fulfill our fantasies,"she said.We all want to believe we're going to find this special connection, this special person. When atotal stranger, usually attractive, comes along and says, you're it, the one I've been looking for all my life,' even though you have some reservations it's easy to say this is what I've been lookingfor and you go for it."Narcissists, she said, often have elaborate and rehearsed presentations about their life.If your boundaries aren't clear, you're not sure of your center, it's easy to become involved witha person who seems to have absolute certainty of who they are," she said.”
Rocky Mountain News (Denver, CO) Wolf, Mark April 16, 2005
Many people I work with get involved with what I call "a narcissist victim.” You may bethinking how can a narcissist not think very highly of themselves? Well it's possible, but with atwist. First most narcissists are extremely seductive as the quote states. What the victim does ismake you feel like the special one who is the answer to all all their needs. They build you up,they have open communication to the point it's downright annoying. Because you are so special,you feel that they will never leave you and they really care. Women tend to get seduced moreoften than men by this type. I mean why wouldn't someone want someone who worships her, issensitive and loves to communicate. It’s a dream that can soon turn into a nightmare.The following is an overview of a narcissist:
“1. All about me: It's a character disorder in which a person tends to: have an inflated sense of self-importance; be preoccupied with thoughts of his or her great success, power, brilliance or beauty; believe that he or she is special, unique or better than everyone else; desire, expect or demand excessive admiration from others; have a sense of entitlement; exploit and takeadvantage of others; lack empathy and emotional connection to others; and be arrogant and act superior.2. Deep down: People with narcissistic personalities, in spite of their thoughts and behaviors,unconsciously feel inferior and inadequate. “
The Miami Herald. "5 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER",The Record (Bergen County, NJ), April 10, 2008
The all about me is the sneaky part with these people. They do not have ideas of great success,power, brilliance or beauty, but they can have all the rest of the qualities. Remember its all aboutthem, not you. So as they get to know you and the fantasy goes away, they get angry. You are nolonger feeding their inflated sense of self importance. So now they remember every imaginedslight. They are always telling you how you are not good enough at taking care of them. They

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