And the Truth will set You Free

Imagine leading two different lives. By day, you are highly successful, always on top of things,and possess a confidence rivaling successful business executives. By night, you are terrifyingly needy,hungry for acceptance, comfort, safety, nurturing and confidence. No one, not even yourself, knowsyour persona crouched in the shadows, the one that walks through the night in fear and trembling.Thats what it looks like to be a victim of emotional incest.For the majority of my life, I kept up the appearance that I knew what I was doing. Inwardly, Ibattled the fear of heart-numbing rejection, of paralyzing inadequacy, and the ache of insecurity. Ikept these emotions locked up behind a New-York-style door  padlocked, dead-bolted, latched, andchained  deep in the dark recesses of my heart, hidden even from myself.Until grad school.As I worked my way through the labyrinth of papers and new concepts, I began to crack underthe pressure of a compulsive need to succeed. I never felt like what I accomplished was good enough.Halfway through my masters program, my nutritionist told me I had an eating disorder. As Ibegan to work through the disorder, all my other coping mechanisms began to reveal themselves anxiety, people-pleasing, timidity, escape routes through television and books, a well-developedfantasy life that kept the pain at bay  and I was literally never aware of their existence.Until truth broke open my tightly locked door and shed light on them.When I was 20, I made a vow to myself that I would seek out the light of truth no matter thecost, no matter the momentary affliction it caused me. I knew truth had the power to bring freedom.So I started going to see a counselor. In the span of only six months, we found the reason whyall these emotions and defense mechanisms plagued me  I had spent the entirety of my 29 years