Great Rock and Roll Pauses

By Alison Blake
May th &
14 15 ,th 202-

2. In My 3. One 4. The
Room Night Later Desert
 Sasha
Blake =
Mom

Alison Lincoln
Blake =
Me, age
12
US Blake =
Brother,
age 13

Drew
Blake =
Dad
After Lincoln’s Game

1
 Walking to the Car
• My arm around my • When kids say
brother’s neck, “Good game, Linc,”
skipping in the I answer for him.
desert night.
Cool air, but you
feel heat coming I think I feel it
up from the through my
earth like from shoes, but do
behind a I?
person’s skin.

When I
I was right: crouch to
the ground touch the
is warm. parking lot, it
glitters like
coal in the • “Alison, cars!” Mom
• I stand up, streetlight.
slowly, rolling yells, overreacting as
my eyes. “I usual (Annoying
Habit #81).
know, Mom.”
 Annoying Habit #48

“Adios, “See you

“Adios,
Sasha,” says tomorrow, “See you
Christine,”
Jason’s Sash!” says tomorrow,
Mom
Mom,
answers. Mark’s Gab!” Mom
Christine.
Mom, answers.
Gabby.

“G’night,
“G’night, Dan,”
Sasha,” says Mom
Dan. answers.
 In the Car
Me:
“Why do you have to repeat people’s exact words when you say good-bye to them?”

Mom:
“What are you talking about?”

I tell her precisely what I’m talking about.

Mom:
“Any chance of easing up on the scrutiny, Ally?”

Me:
“Not possible.”
Dad Is Working
 Desert Landscape
Our house is next to
Now, you need a lot
the desert. Two
When I was little, of credits for a lawn
months ago, a lizard
there were lawns. or else a turbine,
laid eggs in the sand
which is expensive.
by our deck.

Mom and Lincoln Mom makes Eventually her

and I sit at our sculptures in the sculptures fall apart,
picnic table, looking desert out of trash which is “part of the
up at the stars. and our old toys. process.”
 Lincoln

He looks like
Dad, but
younger and
skinnier.

A “full rest”
is four beats
long, a “half
rest” is two
beats.
Right now, He knows
he’s obsessed more than
with rock
songs that have
grown-ups
pauses in about certain
them. things.
 Songs with Lincoln’s Comments
“Young
“Bernadette,” by the “Foxey Lady,” by
Americans,” by
Four Tops Jimi Hendrix
David Bowie
• “This is an excellent • “Another great • “This is a lost
early pause. The voice early pause: 2 opportunity. Hell,
tapers off, and then seconds long, it would’ve been so
you’ve still got 1.5 coming 2:23 easy to draw out
seconds of total
silence, from 2:38 to
seconds into a the pause after
2:395, before the 3:19-minute-long ‘…break down and
chorus kicks back in. song. But this one cry…’ to a full
You think, Hey, the isn’t total silence; second, or 2, or
song didn’t end after we can hear Jimi even 3, but Bowie
all—but then, 26.5 breathing in the must’ve chickened
seconds later, it does background.” out for some
end.” reason.”
 Dad vs. Mom
Dad Would Say
(if he were here): Mom Says:

“Wow, you’ve
really analyzed “I like ‘Bernadette’ the best of
those songs, those three.”
Linc.”

“I don’t think of Bowie as a

“I admire you
chicken, so there must be some
for digging into
reason he opted not to pause
the minutiae.”
there.”

“You spend
time with any “Please don’t say ‘hell.’ ”
other kids
today?”
 Now Just the Pauses…
Lincoln loops the pause in each song
so it lasts for minutes.

If my friends are around, I ignore

Lincoln’s music.

When it’s just us, the pauses are my

favorite.

They sound like this:

 “There’s a smokiness to the
‘Bernadette’ pause, probably because
it’s recorded on 8-track.”

“It’s a little eerie to hear Hendrix breathing

continuously—I’m not sure that qualifies as a true
pause.”

“God, it’s a beautiful night. I wish your Dad

were here.”
 Why Dad Isn’t Here
• Today he operated on the heart of a girl
Doctor younger than me.
• Her parents are illegal.

• That’s what everyone says about Dad.

“Good Man” • Because of his clinic.

• At work, people follow Dad around with questions.

Boss • In his office, he’ll shut the door with a giant sigh
and say, “Allycat, tell me what you did today.”

• He can’t understand Lincoln.

Weak Point • For example:
Lincoln Wants to Say/Ends Up Saying:

“I love Dad is from

I love music. Dad loves me.
you, Dad.” Wisconsin.

Steve Miller The Steve Miller One of their

Band was popular biggest hits was
is from fifty-something “Fly Like an
Wisconsin. years ago. Eagle.”

“Hey Dad, there’s a partial silence at the end of ‘Fly Like an Eagle,’ with
a sort of rushing sound in the background that I think is supposed to be
the wind, or maybe time rushing past!”
“Good to know, Linc,” Dad says.
What I Notice During the Looped Pauses

A whisper of orange on There was

the horizon. desert in
Pakistan,
A thousand black but I don’t
turbines. remember
it.

Miles of solar panels like a

black ocean I’ve never seen
close up. All I
remember is
You can’t get used to the this.
stars, no matter how long
you live here.
In My Room

2
Annoying Habit #92
Mom (seeing me making slides):
“Again?”

Me:
“So?”

Mom:
“Why not try writing for a change?”

Me:
“Excuse me, this is my slide journal.”

Mom:
“I mean writing a paper.”

Me:
“Ugh! Who even uses that word?”

Mom:
“I see a lot of white. Where does the writing come in?”
Slide Slogans from School That I Fire at Mom
(just to annoy her)

“Please, Ally,
have mercy!”
“Give us the Mom says.
issues, not “A word-wall is a
But she’s
the tissues!” long haul!”
laughing.

“Add a graphic
and increase your “Charts should illuminate,
traffic!” not complicate!”
 Mom Spots the Toy Horse
I keep it on my windowsill. It’s made of apricot shells.
She and Dad
got it when
they lived in After Dad and Mom found each other again, she
Pakistan. packed up her life in New York and met him
overseas.
Mom told I still play with the horse sometimes,
me once, “I never
“We looked alone in my room.
thought our back,” she
baby might says. I like to make the
Even though I’m 12.
play with prediction come true.
that horse.”
“Oh Ally, I love seeing that horse,” Mom says.
“What about this?” I Ask, and Open the Book.
Conduit: A Rock-
and-Roll Suicide, by
Jules Jones

Mom bought the

book, but she never
mentions it.

It’s about a fat rock

star who wants to die
onstage, but ends up
recovering and owning
a dairy farm.

There’s a
picture of
Mom on
page 128.
 Sasha in the Picture
She’s on the street
with some people
including the rock
star (before he got
fat). The caption is:
Her hair is bright “Outside the
red and tangled. Pyramid Club,
early 1990s.”

She looks like

Her face is sharp someone I Mom’s mouth is
and pretty, like a want to know, smiling, but her
fox. or maybe eyes are sad.
even be.
Mom’s Reasons for Not Talking About That
Time

“It feels
“I don’t like
trust my another
memories. life.”

“It’s all so
imbued
with my
own
struggles.”

“What struggles?” I asked her once.

“Nothing you need to think about,” Mom said.
 Lincoln’s Bed Is on the Other Side of the Wall
from My Bed

• 2 knocks from his side = • 2 knocks from my side

“Good night, Ally.”
• Mom will go to his room
next.
• Lincoln gets her longest.
= “Good night,
Linc.”
• I can hear them talking
through the wall.
• I get her first.
Mom Sits on the Edge of My Bed

“I want to know
every bad thing
you’ve done,” I say.
“Including dangerous
and embarrassing.”

I stare at her
“You can’t,”
until she looks
Mom says.
away.
What I Suddenly Understand
My job is
to make
people
uncomfort-
able.
My mother,
Sasha
Blake, is my
first victim.
I will
do it all
my life.
 Lincoln Appears When I’m Half
Asleep
He clamps his Lincoln starts to
Music first, and
headset over my then the pause...
laugh, and I laugh,
ears. too.
On the display it He has a sweet,
says, “Mighty I wait and wait and goofy giggle.
Sword,” by the wait.
Frames.
There are freckles
• Old music, I
guess.
on his cheeks.
“Is that the end of
the song?” I finally “How long can one
ask. pause go?” I ask.

“A MINUTE AND FOURTEEN SECONDS!” Lincoln bellows.

 “What is going on in here?”
“Bedtime, “Back to your
Mom, in the
kittens,” she room, Linc. It’s
doorway.
says. a school night.”
She collages in her Usually when
She’s holding a Waiting Chair, in Dad’s not home
handful of the the living room. yet.
little papers she
makes into
collages after “Not junk,” Mom
we’re asleep will say.
(Annoying Habit I don’t know why
#22). she loves junk so
much.
“Tiny pieces of our
lives.”
 Kids—
Dinner prty Buy Sharpies call
Blk Gma
Langs—bring
wine!
Mom’s “Art” Blake!!

Caring for
your
She uses Ally SmartFan
They come from sleepover
“found @Suzette
objects. our house and 9/19
” our lives.
Eye appt
3:30
Pick Wed
up She glues Ada’s
shoes She says them Linc—therapy pie
they’re onto 2pm crust—
precious use
1/18 boards lard!
Grapes because and
Skim milk they’re casual shellacs
Earl Grey tea and them.
Drew shampoo meaningless.
Krazy Glue “But they
Peanut butter Mexico Flight
tell the
Rolaids Conf:#:XJKD78
whole story I look when she’s 77
if you not there.
really
look.”
Ways It Can Be When Dad Comes Back
 Dad Comes Home Late

I hear the Mom has

brushing her arms
door around
through my Dad. They don’t
sleep.
say
anything.
His face is
I peek
in her hair.
through
my door
slit.

There’s a blanket on
Mom’s Waiting Chair
where she fell asleep.
One Night Later

3
Dad Barbecues Chicken on the Deck

We eat all together at the Dad asks us about school, and

picnic table. I tell him.

His dinners are better

than Mom’s, even when
they cook the same
thing.

Mom keeps her arm around

I want to ask about the girl
Dad and kisses the side of his
with the heart.
face (Annoying Habit #62).
 Facts About Dad

Right When he
after he chews I
shaves, His hair He can hear his When he It’s a
his skin is thick still lift teeth can’t mystery
will and wavy, me onto smash sleep, he why he
squeak if unlike a his together. walks loves
you push lot of shoulders • They into the Mom so
your dads. . should be desert.
in pieces, much.
finger but they’re
across it. strong and
white.
 Dad’s Laugh
It’s hard to make
Dad laugh.

When he does, it’s a

big sound like a bark
or a roar.

Maybe the bark or roar is his

surprise at laughing.

Mom says Dad used to laugh more.

“Everyone laughs more as a kid,” she says

(including college).
 True Story
When Dad was in college, he Before that, Dad will tell
went swimming with a guy Dad wanted to anyone this
named Rob, and Rob drowned. be president. stuff.

That was when Dad

decided to become a doctor.
“Keeping
“Who secrets can
doesn’t, at kill you” is
“Why not become a
lifeguard?” I’ll sometimes ask. 18?” he’ll one of his
“Or a swim instructor.” say. favorite
sayings.
“Good point,” Dad says.
“Think I still can?”
 Rob Was Mom’s Best Friend.

She keeps his picture in her wallet.

Still, Dad is
He’s primordially cute, with reddish face stubble and
more
nice eyes, like a mountain climber.
handsome.

If you look “Did you “Why

carefully, you “What was “Why did he
can tell that Rob love him?” I couldn’t Dad
he like?” drown?”
will die young. asked Mom. rescue him?”

“He was sweet “He wasn’t a

He has that look
“Yes. As a and confused, strong swimmer,
of someone
who’s only in like a lot of
and he got “He tried.”
friend.” caught in a
old pictures. kids.” current.”
 Dad’s Questions/Lincoln’s Answers
Can I play
I see music, Dad?
them at I’d
Any kids Not school. rather
you feel today. play
like asking Three. music.
over to Nope.
play? We
Did you lost
How Want to
have music
many at- have a 5–2.
class with
catch
bats did Mom?
after
you dinner?
have? Anything
new at
How did
school
the game
today?
go the
other
night?
Signs That Dad Isn’t Happy

He’s
rubbing “Sure, Linc,” he says, after
his eyes. dinner. “Let’s hear some music.”

He’s on
his second
gin and
tonic.
His mouth
is smiling,
but his face
is tired.
 Songs with Lincoln’s Comments
• “The pause is only 2 seconds, from 2:43 to 2:45, but it’s
basically perfect: the refrain comes back in and then the
“Long Train song goes until 3:28—even after the pause, you’ve got
Runnin’ ” by the almost another full minute of music.”
Doobie Brothers

• “This one is unique, because the pauses happen when

there’s no rest in the music. They’re just second-long
interruptions—from :14 to :15 and again from 3:08 to 3:09.
“Supervixen” by It sounds like there’s a gap in the recording, but it’s
Garbage intentional!”
Dad, to Mom, Whispering Under the Music (but
I can hear him)
“Should we be encouraging this?”
“Of course we should.”

“How is this helping him connect to other kids?”

“It connects him to the world.”

“Why not try to divert him onto something else?”

“This is what he cares about right now.”

“But what is it, Sasha? What is ‘this’?”

“Drew,” Mom says, “it’s music.”
 Dad/Lincoln

• “Lincoln, Lincoln
before you
play
another
song, I— Lincoln • “Okay, • “In ‘Rearrange
I’d love to Linc, but Beds’ by an
know why • “ ‘ Roxanne’ has I’m asking Horse, there’s a
the pauses 2-second pause
one, that old song you—” from 3:40 to 3:42,
matter so by the Police? and unlike a lot of
much to There’s a pause songs, where you
you.” basically know
from 1:57 to Dad the song’s not
1:59—” over even though
Dad the pause makes
you wonder if
maybe it is, with
‘Rearrange Beds’
it really, truly
sounds like—”
“Stop!” Dad shouts. “Stop. Please. Forget
I asked.”
 Lincoln Starts to Cry

His crying makes Dad tries to hug

Hearing him cry Lincoln, but he
sounds like flinches away and
makes me cry, too.
scraping. hunches into a ball.

She leans close to Dad, and Mom’s face is

says very softly: white and
furious.
“The pause makes you think the song
will end. And then the song isn’t really
over, so you’re relieved. But then the
song does actually end, because every
song ends, obviously, and THAT.
TIME. THE. END. IS. FOR.
REAL.”
A Pause While We Stand on the Deck
Then Dad Gathers Lincoln into His Arms
Lincoln
fights him,
but Dad is
stronger.
“Okay,” Dad
says softly.
“Okay, Linc.
I’m sorry.”
Lincoln Runs Inside and Slams His Bedroom
Door

Mom follows I stay on the

him. porch with Dad.

The sunset is a
bonfire over our
heads.

Dad drains his gin “Feel like a

and tonic and
shakes the bare walk, Ally?” he
ice. asks.
The Desert

4
It Starts Where Our Lawn Used to Be
Three steps down from
“Careful of snakes,” Dad
our deck, the desert
says.
surrounds us:

Mountains “It’s too cold,”

like cutout I say. “They’re
paper shapes. sleeping.”

Big-top sky “Let’s keep it

that way,” Dad
full of stars. says.

Mom’s sculptures made of

train tracks and doll heads
fading into the dust.
Sounds
The desert is
quiet and busy.
I hear faint clicks like
the scratchy pause in
“Bernadette.”

There is a hum like the pause in

“Closing Time” by Semisonic.

The whole
desert is a
pause.
 “I’ve got to do better with Lincoln,”
Dad Says.

Me: Dad:
“He needs help graphing
the pauses.”
“I could do that.”

“But will you really?” “If I say I will, I will.”

“He’s been asking me, but “I might have to brush up a

I’m terrible at graphing.” little…”
 The Old Golf Course

There are lots of The clubhouse is still

grayish swells and there, roped off and
dips, like the moon. collapsing.

Dad stands in a “I remember “You used to “Sure. All

shallow hole and this trap,” he play here, doctors play
grins at me. says. right?” I ask. golf.”

“You’re the only Dad doesn’t like

I remember
Dad doesn’t have friends I need,” most doctors.
riding the cart
“They’re
time for friends. he’ll say. between purple
arrogant,” he
Meaning us. flower beds.
says.
A Long, Empty Stretch of Walking
“Is Mom mad?” I ask.
• “I believe she is.”
“Will she forgive you?”
• “Of course.”
“How do you know?”
• “Your mother is the forgiving type. Thank God.”
“Did she forgive you when Rob drowned?”
• Dad stops walking and turns to me. The moon has just come up. “What
made you think of him?”
“Sometimes I just do.”
• “Me too,” Dad says.
After a Long Time, We Reach the Solar Panels

It’s like
I’ve never The panels go finding a city
walked this far. on for miles. or another
planet.

But they’re
Like angled
actually
They look evil. oily black
mending the
things.
Earth.

There were Their shade But at least they

protests when made a lot of can live where
desert all the lawns and
they were built, creatures golf courses
years ago. homeless. used to be.
 “But it “It was no
wasn’t your one’s fault,”
fault, right?” Dad says.

“The girl from

“She died
yesterday,” I
this
say. “With
morning,”
the sick
Dad says.
heart.”
 Suddenly, There’s a Whirring Noise
Around Us

Thousands of solar “They’re collecting

I clutch at Dad’s moonlight,” Dad
panels lift and tilt at
arm: “Why are they says, and I
the same time, in remember: it’s
doing that?”
the same way. weaker, but we use it.

“Is this where you

The panels shift and come when you
move. walk in the night?”
I ask.
We Stand a Long Time, Watching the Solar
Panels Move

They remind me of
robotic ninja warriors
doing Tai Chi.

I think: I
Dad holds never want
my hand. to go back
home.

I want to stay here

forever with Dad.
 Me/Dad

“Have you “They have a “You have to

heard of a song called admit, that’s a
group called ‘Mighty long time for a
the Frames?” Sword’ that has song to
a pause of pause.”
more than a
minute.”
• Suddenly Dad
• “I think your • Dad stares at laughs in his
Mom used to me. “Come on, big churning
listen to them.” Ally. Not you, way. “You’re
too.” right! That is
a very long
pause.”
After a While, I Feel Like Curling Up on the
Ground and Closing My Eyes

“I wish I were
already in bed,”
I say.

“Brace
yourself,” Dad
says. “It’s a
long way back.”
We Walk for Several Years

When our
house
I’ll never finally
see Mom or comes into
Lincoln view, the
again. windows
I start to are dark.
think we
won’t make
it.
 Dad Points to a Snake on one of Mom’s
Sculptures
It’s coiled like
a silver rope on Dad lifts me onto “Do you think
they’re inside?”
my old puppet
theater. his shoulders. I ask.

He’s the He carries me

Dad doesn’t
strongest man toward our
answer.
in the world. house.

It looks
abandoned, like
Suddenly I’m
the clubhouse
scared.
at the golf
course.
 What I’m Afraid Of
That the solar panels were a time machine.

That my parents are gone, and our house isn’t

That I’m a ours anymore.
grown-up
woman
coming It’s a Living here all together was so sweet.
back to broken-
this place down ruin It felt like it
after many with no Even when
would never
I’ll always
years. one in it. we fought. miss it.
end.
 Dad Sets Me Down on Our Porch
I run to the sliding glass door and yank it
open.

Inside there’s a light.

Familiar things fall back over me like the

softest, oldest blanket.

I start to cry.
What I Hear as I’m Falling Asleep

Hey You
Yeah.
Linc. hear that No.
sound?

That. No, Pop.

Here, let’s stand by the

window. Listen with me.
What does that sound like
to you?
“Okay. I know.”
Relationship of Pause-Length to Haunting
Power
seconds

72
Proof of the Necessity of Pauses

73
 Discoveries About Pause Timing
(in Bubble Form)
Pause power

Time remaining after pause (sec)

74
 The Persistence of Pauses over Time
Length of song (min)

Song year

75
The End