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It doesn’t matter. I have killed the only woman I have everloved.
I remember reading a library book once that said love was themeaning of life. There is a song you hear on the radio all thetime about a woman and her boyfriend and how good theirsex life is. I pass a church everyday on my bicycle and I know that if I went inside they would tell me God loves me. Thethings people believe.
All a man wants, all a man asks, all a man demands is that thepain go away. Just that. The simple, direct, emotional,psychological, spiritual pain. We are not bothered by our ownsmallness in comparison to the universe, the certainty of ourown death, or our vulnerability to random events likeearthquakes or cancer. Does anyone actually commit suicideout of angst at the realization that the average life span isseventy-five, or because the earth is just a speck in a corner off to one side of an unfathomably large cosmos? Or do peoplecommit suicide because they are in pain, and the only way they can imagine the pain ending is if everything ends? Death, theone great hope. They are wrong, of course. Suicides go to hell.It’s obvious. This is because death does not end pain. There aresome pains that are so deep they go on even after death. Thereare some loves so strong you can die and still be in love. Thisis because love and pain are the same thing. Does anyone doubtit?