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"Light" Ch. 4, Marcus T. Anthony

"Light" Ch. 4, Marcus T. Anthony

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Published by: MarcusTanthony on Apr 26, 2011
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“Light” – Chapter 4:Love and Fear
 You can also read this article on
 www.22cplus.blogspot.com The first thing I noticed about the meditation group was that I was the only guy. I walked into room W108, and there were six girls sitting in chairs in circle formation. Ismiled nervously and sat down. Nobody was talking. Maybe they were already onanother plane or something.I was not exactly confident around girls, so I was hoping some other guy would walk in.But in the end we had eight females and just the one slightly perspiring guy. Perhaps Ishould have said that there were two males. The guy running the group certainly wasn’ta woman. The hair under his nose gave him away. Someone should have told him the80s were over.
 
Marcus T. Anthony 
(PhD)Email: mindfutures at gmail dot com
 
“Hi everyone, I’m Geoff Masters,” he said in a soft voice that didn’t quite match the body. Even sitting down, he looked about as tall as me, and that’s tall.Geoff began by asking us why we were there. I started to panic. What was I doing here?It suddenly struck me that even I didn’t know. So when my turn came to talk I did what Ialways do when in a jam.“My name is Greg. I’m here for the babes.”Luckily everyone laughed.“That’s funny, Greg,” Geoff said with a tiny smile. The guy looked like he’d been heavily medicated for several decades. “I’m sure we all appreciate your humour. Any otherreasons?”I scratched my head, and tried another approach. “Well, to be honest, I’m not really sure why I came. I don’t know much about meditation. It was just something about theposter outside, I guess.”I caught the eye of the pretty girl sitting a few places to my left. Her shoulder length brown hair bounced slightly as she smiled and nodded. That was when I felt it again,that tingling feeling forcing its way up from inside. Of course that could merely have been a primal urge from the lower abdominal extremities.I looked away immediately. If one wants to protect his reputation as a loser with thechicks, one has to be very vigilant about these things.“Interesting,” Geoff mused. “It’s true enough that we don’t always know our motivationfor doing things. Maybe you’ll gain some more insight later.”I nodded as if I knew what he was saying.The cute girl spoke next. “Hi. I’m Amanda,” she said. “I’m a bit like Greg, I guess.” Sheflashed her brown eyes at me. I think I must have turned red. “I wasn’t planning tocome, but something dragged me here.”It was the lunch hour and we only had 45 minutes for the group, so Geoff didn’t wastetime. “Let’s meditate, shall we?”
 
He explained that there were many different kinds of meditation, but that on this day he was going to lead us through a simple breathing meditation. We moved our chairs apart,and two girls sat on the floor. They were the ones who looked like they’d grown up in anIndian ashram and could levitate at will. The rest of the novices, like me, sat in ourchairs.“Just relax fully” Geoff said, his voice even softer than usual. “Just feel your breathmoving in and out of your lungs. You are feeling relaxed and at peace. As thoughts of thepast or future enter your mind, just gently acknowledge them and release them. You arenot trying to get rid of them or change them. Just let them go.”It seemed to be working. I found myself relaxing deeply. It was all quite peaceful, and I began to drift into a light dreamy state of mind, like I was floating.I was drifting in that quiet emptiness when something came to me. Out of the blurrinessan image forced it’s way up from the deep. It was a man’s face, rustic like a sailor orfarmer. It was the eyes that did it. I – wherever “I” was - looked into them, and as I didthe sheer brilliance of them cut into me like a laser. They were like blue, brilliant ice.The man did not open his mouth, but the words came clearly and gently to me.“Love your fear.”I jerked back into normal consciousness, eyes wide open, springing half out of my chair.My breathing had gone from relaxed and deep to short and shallow, and my heart waspounding against my rib cage. I looked around nervously. All the girls still had their eyesclosed. Only Geoff was looking at me, moustache slightly twitching. I smiled nervously,sat down right away and tried to act like nothing had happened. But I was spooked. Ispent the last ten minutes of the meditation trying like hell to avoid going back into thatquiet space, and resisting the urge to run out of the room.Finally, thankfully it came to an end.“…and now, feeling yourself fully connected with your body, right here and now, open your eyes and return to the room.”I opened my eyes again and looked around. Everyone looked calm, at peace.“So how did everyone find that experience?” Geoff queried.He looked around the group, but I was sure the question was intended for me. I wasfeeling positively paranoid. Maybe meditation wasn’t for me.

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