Interpersonal Attraction and

Intimate Relationships
By: Denise Soller, MA I/O Psy

*Adapted from the Sage Handbook of Social Psychology Chap 10 by Julie Fitness, Garth Fletcher
and Nikola Overall
Subject History Overview
• More studies is based on interpersonal
attraction
• Relatively new – 30 years or so – focus moved
to the development, maintenance and
dissolution of romantic relationships
• Three major developments:
1. Social Cognition and Emotions
2. Attachment Processes
3. Evolutionary Psychology
INTERPERSONAL
ATTRACTION
What attracts you to another
person?
Interpersonal Attraction
• Interpersonal attraction is the
attraction
between people which leads to
friendships
and romantic relationships.
• What attracts?
– A function of socially shared
norms, along with preferred
characteristics derived from
people’s learning histories.
Factors in Attraction
• Familiarity
– Safety or “Goodness”
– Proximity
– Mere-Exposure Effect
• Reciprocity
– I like her because she likes me
• Reward Theory
– Liking those whose behavior is rewarding or who are
associated with rewarding situations
• Attitude Similarity
– more attracted to people who hold similar attitudes
to our own than dissimilar others
Factors in Attraction
• Physical Attractiveness
– Pleasantly looking = more likely to be nice
– Facial Symmetry – Good Genes
– Body Shape
– Voices
– Style or Fashion Sense
– Smell
 MATE
SELECTION
Factors in Selection
• Familiarity
• Reciprocity

• What do we want from our

mates?
Men Women
•Kindness •Kindness
•Loyalty •Loyalty
•Emotional •Emotional
Stability Stability
•Youthfulness •Status
•Sex •Education
•Earning Potential
•Ambition
ROMANTIC
LOVE
Types of Love
• Limerence/Passionate Love
– intense longing for the person
– physiological arousal
– much more emotionally volatile
– Motivate sexual activity
Types of Love
• Companionate Love
– feelings of mutual respect
and trust
– less emotionally volatile
– Establish firm emotional
bond between the partners
that will motivate them to
remain together
Types of Love
• Sternberg’s Tripartite Theory of Love
– passion: motivational component
– intimacy: emotional component
– commitment: cognitive component
Types of Love
• Sternberg’s Tripartite Theory of Love

P I

nonlove

C
Types of Love
• Sternberg’s Tripartite Theory of Love

P I

liking

C
Types of Love
• Sternberg’s Tripartite Theory of Love

P I

infatuation

C
Types of Love
• Sternberg’s Tripartite Theory of Love

P I

empty love

C
Types of Love
• Sternberg’s Tripartite Theory of Love

P I

romantic love

C
Types of Love
• Sternberg’s Tripartite Theory of Love

P I

fatuous love

C
Types of Love
• Sternberg’s Tripartite Theory of Love

P I

companionate love

C
Types of Love
• Sternberg’s Tripartite Theory of Love

P I

consummate love

C
Function of Romantic Love
• The 3 Basic Behavioral Systems that Bond
Couples Together (Shaver)
– I LOVE YOU CAN MEAN:
1. Love as Attachment
2. Love as Caregiving
3. Love as Sexual Attraction
RELATIONSHIP
COGNITION
 The Intimate Relationship Mind Model
1Eliciting Events The Relationship
Mind Outcomes

General Social
Theories Unconscious/
Automatic
During Interaction
- Cognition/Emotion2
General 7
Relationship
Processing

- Behavior/Event Theories 5
Cognitions
Emotions
Local
Outside Interaction 3 Relationship 6 Behavior
Theories
- Cognition/Emotion
8
- Behavior/Event
4Conscious/
Controlled
Processing
Stored Relationship Theories
• Includes constructs such as beliefs, expectations and
ideal standards that concern hypothetical relationships or
•beliefs
Theories
aboutthat are developed
relationships from the time that
in general.
•two•People
More hold a variety
individuals of rules and
meet regarding
content-loaded eachbeliefs
otherthat
and
•the
apply
Intimategenerally to both intimate and non-
relationship-specific
relationship
•intimate
Generally goes across different cultures and ethics
Becomesrelationships.
•• Attachment more complex and integrated as the
Working Models (Bowlby)
•Attribution
relationship Theoryrepresentations that summarize
matures
– internal cognitive
• Kinds– Stable, Global and Internal
one’sof Judgements
previous thatexperiences
attachment gets involved –
– Positive/Negative Implications for the
personality,
–Secure vs. relationship-level
Relationship
Avoidant and interactions
–Ambivalent
between vs. Anxious and outside situations.
theTenet:
relationship
– Central People have a basic need to sift out
• Attachment Working Models (Bartholomew)
• Becomes entwined
and maintain with self
judgements theories.
of the dispositional and
– Positive vs. Negative of Self vs. Others
stable properties of the world.
1. Secure
2. Preoccupied
3. Dismissing
4. Fearful
General Social Theories
Situation Factor Outcome

Fred is guilty that’s

Fred gives Mary Mary is
why he gave me
flowers unhappy with
flowers
her marriage
(Unstable, Situational,
External)

Fred doesn’t love me,

Mary is
Masungit he’s insensitive and
unhappy with
he’s always hotheaded
her marriage
(Stable, Personality-
based, Internal)
 Functions of Stored Relationship
Theories
• People develop relationship
theories to understand,
predict and control their
relationships.
• Relationship Quality
Judgements
• Communication Difficulties
and Relationship Longevity
• Comparison of Local Theories
to General Theories for
relationship evaluation
Online Cognitive Processing
• Does not occur without activating various stored
dispositional constructs that are relevant to the
relationship
• Triggered by any even outside/inside the
relationship
• Unconscious/Automatic Processing
– Fast, effortless, not readily verbalizable and
undemanding of cognitive capacity
• Conscious/Controlled Processing
– Slow, readily verbalizable and demanding of
cognitive capacity
 EMOTION IN
INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS
Emotion in Relationships
• Emotion-in-Relationships Model
– the greater the number of behavioral
interconnections relationship partners share, the
more interdependent they are so when a partner
does something unexpected the interruption is
greater.
Interruption Theories/Belief Outcome
“This is what Physiological Arousal +
Gives flowers
good husbands Positive, partner-
unexpectedly
do” directed emotion

“This is NOT Physiological Arousal +

Forgets Mary’s
what a loving Negative, partner-
birthday
husband does” directed emotion
Function of Emotion in Relationships
• the frequency and intensity of daily emotions
experienced in relationships act as a good
barometer of how close individuals feel to
their partners (Barrett, Robin, Pietromonaco,
& Eyssell, 1998).
• Experiencing strong and frequent emotions in
a relationship can communicate that one truly
cares about a partner and a relationship
(Clark, Fitness, & Brissette,2001).
Love has taught us that love does not
consist in gazing at each other, but in
looking outward together in the
same direction.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery