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Most Self Confident in the World

Most Self Confident in the World

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Published by bibi020

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Published by: bibi020 on May 30, 2011
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Today I will be covering the topic of self confidence, triggered by the above question a reader sent me earlier this month. I thought that this will be a topicthat will be very beneficial to everyone since building self confidence is a goal which many people have.Are You Self-Confident?
Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.
 
Samuel JohnsonFor the next one minute, think about how you see yourself. How much self-confidence do you have of yourself on a whole? How confident do you feel regarding yourwork? How about when you are with your friends? Your partner if you have one? Your family? How confident do you feel when it comes to your finances? How aboutother things, such as making a presentation at school/work, talking to a stranger, or even public speaking? Do you feel confident in yourself all of those situations? Do you feel confident regardless of the situations you are in?What Is Self-Confidence?Self-confidence refers to assuredness in your own worth, abilities and power, regardless of the situation you are in. Someone who is self confident has a strongsense of belief and certainty in himself/herself. He/she exudes calmness, composure and is self-aware.Self-confidence is often linked with possessing of certain knowledge, skillsetsor abilities, whether it is acquired or innate. While having aptitude in a particular area can help bolster your self-worth, it is not a necessary prerequisitefor self confidence. Someone with absolutely no competency in something can still be self-confident. We will discuss this in detail in the later half of the article.Lack of Self-Confidence Cripples YouHave you ever known someone who has low self-confidence? How does this person come across to you? A person who has a lack of self-confidence has a lack of selfbelief, usually caused by a sense of uncertainty about one thing or another.Here are 8 typical behaviors of people with low self-confidence:Undervaluing what they are capable ofTaking blame even when it is not their faultBeing overly shy and reservedOverly critical of themselves, for example neurotic perfectionistsBeing hung up over negative outcomes and
failures
in the pastPreoccupation with the negative outcomes and failure even though they have not manifested yetHaving a fearful and adverse attitude towards most thingsDoing things to please othersPeople with low self-confidence tend to repel people around them. Their limitingmindsets and behaviors make them feel
heavy
and a
drag
to be around. If we are to refer to the Map of Consciousness, these people vibrate in consciousness levels of Pride and below
usually levels of Shame, Guilt, Apathy and Fear.Lack of self-confidence is a crippling trait because it often limits you in youropportunities and jeopardizes your chances of success, which leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.Let
s imagine you have a project you are tasked with. Say you lack self-confidenceand you predict you will not be able to deliver to expectations. What do you think will happen next? This lack of self-belief is going to influence the thoughts and actions that you undertake, both on a conscious and subconscious level. When you are constantly thinking about a negative outcome, it takes your focus offwhat you should be doing to achieve a desirable outcome. This eventually leadsto a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because an undesirable outcome is manifested, your belief gets enforced and you continue to have low, if not lower, self-confidence.On the flip side, what if you are a self-confident person placed in that exact same scenario? What do you think will happen? Chances are, things will pan out differently. Because you are certain of an imminent success, you do everything needed to make it happen. If you don
t have the skills, you will acquire it. If you don
t have the knowledge, you will learn it. If something completely unprecedented
 
happens, your confidence somehow taps into your subconscious for the solution. This sets you up for success, which subsequently enforces your self-worth, leading you on to more success. Even though you may have started out from the same spot as others, just having the self-confidence will take you much further than someone who does not have it.Thus, having self-confidence is clearly an asset to you in life. Not only does it put you at a better and more positive emotional and mental state, it also setsyou up towards getting what you want. Having self-confidence enables you to fearlessly pursue your biggest dreams. It equips you to conquer your challenges, nomatter how insurmountable they may seem to me. It sets you off to live your greatest life possible.However, most people have low self-confidence because of past events in their lives which led to that state of mind. This lack of self-confidence puts them in an endless cycle where they attract results they think of, and that reinforces their state of self-belief.How can we then break out of such a cycle?How To Increase Self-ConfidenceThere are a series of different ways you can use to increase self-confidence. These can be classified into three main groups.1. ConditioningThe first is via conditioning to impose the sense of self-belief. It
s an extrinsic, outside->in approach, where you adopt actions to induce self-confidence in yourself. This is the most popular method within the self-help community and alsothe quickest method to get results. Ever been to any self-help motivational seminars or read any self-help books on increasing confidence? Typically, they willask you to do various things such as repeating a positive affirmative statement,pretend you are already at a certain stature, speak and act confidently, and soon.This is a list of examples of using conditioning to increase your self-confidence:Dressing: Dressing smartly, Looking presentable, Having a clean and kempt lookBody language: Walking confidently, Speaking confidently, Being calm and composed, Holding your head up, Having a good posture, SmilingMental techniques: Positive thinking, Visualization of positive outcomes/scenarios, Focusing on your strengths rather than weaknesses, Repeating positive mantrasOthers: Listening to upbeat music, Exposing yourself to inspirational materials,NLP techniques, etcThese actions are efficacious because they give you a self-confidence boost almost immediately after you do them. However, the effects are rarely long-lasting
you need to repeatedly remind yourself to do them, unless you have permanently conditioned yourself to do that2. Acquiring Symbols Of WorthThe second is working within yourself to address the gaps that are making you feel low in self-confidence. This is the more practical approach to increasing self-confidence.As mentioned in the beginning of the article, self-confidence is often linked with the possessing of certain knowledge, skills or abilities. Many people lack self-confidence because they feel they lack a certain competency. For example, ifyou have low self confidence in your job, it may be because you are lacking theinformation and know-how to perform well. People who have a high level of competency in a certain area often develop a high self-confidence in that area as a result.Competency in anything can always be developed via preparation, practice and experience. The key to developing competency is to engage in knowledge acquisitionand repeatedly do it to the point of ad nauseam. For example, if it
s an academiasubject, read up as much as you can through different sources. If it
s a sport ortechnique, keep training every day. If it
s giving a presentation or public speaking, continuously practise in front of different audiences to build up the skillsets. If it
s something social like talking to a stranger, just start with small go
 
als of talking to one stranger every day, then build up from there when it getsprogressive easier. Eventually, you will find yourself so competent in the areathat you become naturally self-confident in it.Besides competency, there are other symbols of worth, of which the most common are:1) Attributes such as level of attractiveness, popularity2) Material possessions such as the amount of wealth you own, car, property, luxury brands, and so on3) Status symbols such as your academic qualifications, your achievements, yourjob title4) Examples of Success such as winning in a game, situations where you emerge victorious.Depending on the symbol of worth that is relevant to you, you can acquire it toincrease your self-confidence. For example, you see different people who pursuedifferent things in order to increase their sense of self-worth. Some people strive to work on becoming more attractive and popular. Some people try to acquirematerial possessions such as earning more money and buying material goods. Somepeople seek to gain status symbols and titles. Some people strive for successesin everything they do.The problem with acquiring symbols of worth to increase self-confidence is the boost in self-confidence only lasts as long as the symbols are valid. If they were to be removed from you or lose their relevance as a symbol of worth, your self-confidence will change accordingly.Imagine a tennis player who measures his worth based on his victories in his tennis games. He keeps practising to increase his odds of victories. Whenever he wins, his self-confidence gets a boost; however whenever he loses, his self-confidence gets a hit. This person
s self-confidence fluctates depending on the outcomeof the games.Or, imagine someone who has low self confidence working as an entry level executive. He sees his position in his career (status) as an indicator of his worth. He works very hard in his company and gets promoted to become a manager. While this boosts his confidence, his sense of worth becomes tied to his position. In the event where his title is removed from him like when he becomes laid off, he will start having low self worth again. This has partially led many to depressionafter being retrenched. Asides from the financial concerns, many tie their senseof worth to their material possessions as well as status symbols.Let
s look at cases where these symbols lose their significance. Because significance of symbols is very much defined by the society and the context, they are open to be changed. Let
s look at over different time periods. Think about some of the material goods you bought in the past which made you feel good but stop havingthe effect after a period of time. Some things that come to mind would be fashion items like clothings and accessories, the type of car you drive. Another example would be the context. In U.S., a car is a regular commodity. However in Singapore, a car is considered a luxury possession. In different contexts, differentsymbols will have different levels of signfinance.Thus, to work on your self-confidence via a permanent, long-term solution, we have a third method.3. Working Directly On Your Belief Of What Represents WorthThe third method addresses lack of self-confidence directly at its core rather than working on the symptoms.As shared earlier, while the previous two methods definitely help to a certain extent and can be a quick way to boost your mental condition, they are typicallyshort-term and not permanent. Conditioning is sort of a quick fix method to induce a temporary feeling, while acquiring symbols of worth only helps to the extent where the symbols are by your side and still relevant. Both of them address symptoms of the problem rather than its root.Say you are losing hair. While you are trying to treat your hair loss problem with hair fall control shampoos, going to hair loss treatment centers or even wearing a wig, these are all actions to fix the symptom. These actions may help alleviate the hair loss but it will not cure it, since the root of the problem is no

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