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49 Tips on How to Recover From an Affair

49 Tips on How to Recover From an Affair

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Published by elvis_077s

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Published by: elvis_077s on May 31, 2011
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49 Tips On How To Recover From An Affair
Considering that, the probability of someone cheating during the course of a relationshipvaries between 40 and 76 percent – (Geneviève Beaulieu-Pelletier, PhD student at theUniversité de Montréal’s Department of Psychology.), chances are, that at least 4 in 10 of us, will at one time or another, become the latest victim of the heartbreak of infidelity.Help is at hand however, in the form of my handy report, ’49 tips to recover from anaffair’ Make yourself comfortable, relax and have a read, and soon you’ll be smiling inwonderment at the idea of being able to feel a lot better in as little as 21 days!
‘It takes 21 days to make or break a habit’ Psychologist Maxwell Maltz in his book‘Psycho-cybernetics
1) You are luckier than you think!
– Now you want to hit me right? But think about it –wouldn’t you rather have found out that your partner was not worthy of your affectionsnow than another ten years down the line? You have a shot at a happier, much betterdeserved life path, only question now, is are you going to take it?
2) It’s going to take some time!
– You are not going to feel better after you jump into bedwith the gardener next door, or drown your sorrows in that bottle of Vodka you had leftover since Christmas. This is a shock to the system, and this whole recovery process, isgoing to take a little time. The sooner that you accept and embrace this little simple, butimportant fact, the sooner you can allow yourself to ‘just be’ for the time being.
3) It’s going to feel a hell of a lot worse, before it feels better!
– It’s like having a bandaid ripped off, to reveal a seeping and infected wound. You have to clean all of the muck out, before you can begin to feel better or even think about healing. Acknowledge thatwhilst you may feel okay one minute, it’s pretty normal to feel shell shocked the next. Butlet this raw emotion ooze out from every pore.
4) Feel and Heal!
– Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. Trynot to over analyse it. Just become a spectator, on the outside looking in. Imagine yourthoughts are bubbles, and watch them float away. Some will burst, others will linger butthe ones that you need to come back to will find a way of sticking around. Acceptance isthe key; you have suffered a shock to the system. After acceptance comes the real work.
5) Express yourself!
– No I’m suggesting you listen to Madonna, but you need to let outthis mass of raw emotion. Verbally attacking your partner may feel amazing for all of minute, but the emotional hangover will some come knocking. Try and keep this between just you and yourself. Begin by writing a journal, and every time you feel inspired to do
so, just allow the thoughts to smother the paper. Do not hold back. Work out thataggression!
6) It takes 21 days to make or break a habit
– Psychologist Maxwell Maltz figured out,that it takes the human subconscious, 21 days to make or break a habit. Your addiction toyour partner’s presence in not all in your imagination. You are going to need to draw up adetox plan, and I promise you that if you can stick to this, you’re going to be feeling a lotmore like yourself, once the mental vacation is up!
7) Pencil in that Vacation!
– Yes! Okay, you may be committed to work schedules, so Iam not literally talking a trip to Las Vegas. But mark it down on your calendar, and makeit more official. For the three weeks, you are on a relationship vacation!
Give yourself time out!
– You are not the one who has cheated, so why do you need towork anything out? You need time out to handle things. It’s better to approach any form of discussion after the 21 day relationship vacation. It’s a little like a snow globe – the morethat you keep on rattling it, the more the snow (your thoughts) refuses to settle.
9) During time out, why not work out?
– I’m not talking about making yourself moreattractive. But the best way to get some of this raw emotion out, is to get that serotoninflowing! A 15 minute walk every evening, will have your happy hormones pumping andyou’ll be feeling lifted in no time at all! It’s also a great way to get out any pent upaggression.
10) Add some super fuel into your engine!
– You would not expect your car to run onempty, so why treat yourself any different? Dose up on super foods, and keep yourself balanced. Your stress levels will be critical and your immune system compromised, sothrow in some green tea, goji berries, and magnesium rich snacks such as turkey andbananas.
11) The use of mobiles is not permitted!
– During the 21 days, keep your vacation acontact free zone. You need to wean yourself off your habit to your relationship, and evenif you do want to ‘talk’, it’s better to do so when emotions are more settled. Gettingyourself wound up by going back to look at the crime scene so to speak will do you nofavours whatsoever.
12) Get yourself a support buddy!
– Like with any sort of detox programme, you need tofind someone to confide in, and to take the edge off those urges to call at set times like youused to. So if you used to call your ex at 7pm every evening, call your buddy instead.Replacing one habit with another is a pro-active way to moving forwards.
13) And whilst we’re on the subject of friends….
you may want to hang out with thoseyou abandoned when you became part of a duo and lost your solo Identity. Spending timewith positive people who bring out the best in YOU will remind you of the fabulousindividual you really are
14) Steer clear of friends with benefits!
– You know exactly what I’m talking about!There is enough confusion for the time being so avoid using others as a band aid. It’llcome back to haunt you eventually
15) You’re hired! To write a ‘love script’
– You need to get yourself focused. Soimagine that you have been hired by a Hollywood director, and you’re to cast the leadingman or woman for the latest romantic blockbuster. You are asked to model the leadingagent on your ideal man or woman. What qualities does he or she possess? Write a list,and then have fun writing a love script. How does the story end?
16) It’s time to get raw and naked!
– No don’t get over excited, I’m talking about‘emotionally raw and naked’. Having reminded yourself of how you envisioned your lovelife to be, you’re allowed to feel somewhat cheated, in more ways than one! Go back to theidea of thoughts as bubbles and sit with this feeling for a little while.
17) Look at yourself in the ‘mirror’
– Psychologists claim that what we dislike inanother is often a reflection of something in ourselves. Nothing ever excuses infidelity, butif you’re honest with yourself, there were probably cracks appearing that maybe led to theaction? If so, did you play a role in this, and if so how? Be brutally honest with yourself.
18) Now smother yourself with acceptance!
– No matter what mistakes were made inyour just ended relationship, communication could have always been an option. There isno excuse that he or she cheated, so try and accept that you’re simply a human, who lovedanother, and for whatever reason things did not work. Forget that you did this, and forgetthat you did that. None of us are perfect, but no matter what flaws YOU brought to thetable, your partner made an active choice to avoid resolution and hide in infidelity.
19) Make a date! With the law of attraction
– If you’ve not heard of Rhonda Byrne’sbook, ‘the Secret’ you must have been living on another planet. What you focus on grows,your thoughts, become reality. So focusing on what you don’t want to feel will simplybring more to your existence. Find some time to read up on this subject, and look at how toput it into practise.
20) It’s time to get crystal clear!
– I’m not talking microdermabrasion. We’ll save thepampering for a little later. But in order to replace negative thoughts with positives, youneed to work out just what it is that you want in your life. Get some clarity, make ithappen!

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