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The Fallout Magazine - The Belated May 2011 edition

The Fallout Magazine - The Belated May 2011 edition

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Published by Liam Guy
The Fallout Magazine - The Belated May 2011 edition
The Fallout Magazine - The Belated May 2011 edition

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Published by: Liam Guy on Jun 01, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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PLUS! Our editor’s tale of his Judgement Day experience!
We're back with another edition, everyone.First of all, I'd like to humbly apologise to our loyalreaders for the lateness of this edition. I had been plan-ning on releasing the May 2011 issue of The Fallout onthe 21st of this month, but a series of bizarre incidentswhich occurred on that very day prevented me fromdoing so.At around about 6pm on May 21 my bedroom win-dow mysteriously opened by itself, as if by unseenhands, and a ray of light entered my room and beganto lift me up. At first I didn't know what was going onand thought my painkillers were giving me some reallybad side effects, but then I remembered someoneposted on Facebook about today being JudgementDay, the much-prophesised day when God took all hisbelievers to his kingdom and left all the skeptics be-hind......But hang on a second, why was a skeptical agnos-tic like myself getting taken away? Then I rememberedI was rocking out to Trouble's
Psalm 9
record just prior tothe moment that eerie light came into my room. I wassinging along to the lyrics very loudly, so I guess Icould've been easily mistaken for a believer. Goes toshow that even God and his minions are prone to stuff-ing up sometimes...I woke up in heaven with all the other raptured be-lievers. Any church-goer will tell you that hell is a nasty,nasty place to end up and that you must follow God inorder to avoid it. The irony is, heaven's probably just asbad. There are endless fields of flowers which areenough to give you eternal hay-fever, the angels' per-fume makes you vomit with every breath, 95% of thewomen here are elderly ladies who haven’t had a shagin forty years while most of the males used to be sleazypriests back when they were alive. Worst of all, theirradio stations play nothing but Creed. All the peoplewho had been raptured immediately wanted to gohome.I got to meet JC, but we didn't hit it off. When I was athis place I asked for a glass of water which he turnedinto wine as soon as it entered my stomach. I can'tdrink wine due to a sulphite allergy problem, which heknew about, and I began to get really sick. JC told methat his "water to wine" trick was a way of getting his pa-trons drunk without his dad seeing him (apparently thedude knows how to party), but he knew I had an allergyto the preservatives that get put in wine, and was havinga good laugh at me. He thought it was all very funny untilI started vomiting on his brand new carpet. JC certainlypulls off the "metalhead" look very well, but I think hismiracle-making powers have turned him into a mean-spirited prankster over time.The news that a non-believer had been taken intoheaven by mistake quickly got around. As soon as JCfound out that his dad had stuffed up and that the non-believer was the long-haired lout who'd just puked on hisnew carpet, he was not happy. He then began to chaseme down the fields with a giant machete (all nice peopleare secretly angry on the inside - so you can imaginehow much repressed rage JC would be unleashing rightnow). I kept running and running until I was out of breath,and it almost looked like JC was about to have my head.But then, as it transpired, I wasn't the only non-believerwho was accidentally brought into heaven... as RandySavage appeared and kicked JC's ass to kingdom come(which was where we were anyway). JC got up andapologised for stuffing up the rapture and said he'd sendme back to my room on Earth if he could borrow my car-pet cleaner. Randy decided to stay behind and keep aneye on JC in case he bullied any more of heaven's pa-trons.I then woke up on the floor of my bedroom. It was 7pmthe following night. Wow… damn good painkillers.The moral of the story is this - enjoy life while you've gotit because the afterlife's a whole lot worse, regardless ofwhich side you choose.Enjoy this belated May 2011 edition. My apologies forit’s lateness…Liam
The end... Or is it?
Unless you have been living under a rock for the lastmonth, or you’re just not a loyal enough metal fan, youwould’ve heard that KK Downing has retired from
after forty years, and will not be completing theband’s
Epitaph World Tour 
. 31-year-old guitarist RichieFaulkner (ex-
Lauren Harris
) has stepped into KK’s shoes for the remainder of the tour. The band announced in Janu-ary that this
Epitaph World Tour 
may very well not be theMetal Gods’ last stand, and that they are currently writingnew material.Facing a questionable future is
, who havecancelled their Australian tour due to the departure ofguitarist Jeff Loomis anddrummer Van Williams. Nonews on whether the bandwill be seeking replace-ments has been an-nounced... But in sayingthat, without the identifiableriffs and shredding of Loo-mis, is it really Nevermore?As the Nevermore newswas going to press, deathmetallers
also an-nounced their breakup.Their band will be officiallylaid to rest at this year’sMaryland Deathfest.
On the local front...
Brisbane’s premier alternative rock/metal nightclub
Rosie’s Live
will be closing as a live venue at the end ofthis month. All previously-booked
shows willnow be at the new
Apollo Club
in Brisbane’s Jubilee Hotel.Rosie’s promoter James “Geeks” Geekie said in the venueclosure’s press release:
“Lamenting over the past will dono good for anyone, and all alternative fans should lookforward to shows in their new venue.”
Album – [Century Media]
This year, California’s metal misfits Winds Of Plaguebring us yet again more heavy riffs, breakdowns andgrowls—and pretty much nothing else to offer. Their symphonic element is still present in the form of Alanaat the keyboards, but her parts sound pretty superflu-ous this time round as compared to the previous twoalbums. Still, this is a star-studded album (with the likes of Jamey Jasta do-ing guest vocals on “Built For War” for example) that has good productionquality and more catchy anthems to scream along with at the mosh pit.
3.5 / 5
WINDS OF PLAGUE - Against the World
Review by Zapphire Tchaikovsky
Alpine Fault
[pictured above]
have announced their new vocalist. 21-year-old Nadia Vanek 
has joined the band’s ranks after the de-parture of former vocalist Lauren Lee Innis earlier this year. The sextet willmake their long-awaited return to the live stage at this year’s
Dead of Win-ter Festival
and are promising to release their debut album [Produced byAdam Merker - Sakkuth, Empyrean, Aeternitus] by the end of the year.Photo by Adrian Pagano.Also on the subject of vocalists,
The Fevered
are searching for a newfrontman after the recent departure of Josh Robinson. Written on theband’s Wordpress page:
“This was due to a stylistic need of the band andis not a reflection of Josh as a person. He is unbeatable as a friend ... Wefelt we were heading in a direction which would not suit his voice and didnot want to force this on him.”
If you feel you’ve got what it takes as areplacement, contact the band at thefevered@gmail.com.

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