ROBONOYANCESLuke JamesMy phone’s been making calls again. It waits until I’m asleep, powers itself up andcalls that Zuckerberg twit to make its report. It’s not me that’s using all thoseminutes. I tried deliberately letting the battery run down but something got somecharge into the phone. I suspect it might have been my TV center, the damn thinghas been acting up, spitting and crackling during critical dialog, dropping signalreception whenever it senses something’s about to make me feel good. And the 3-Deffect has also taken to randomly smacking me in the back of the head , not hard,but enough to be irritating. It thinks it’s so clever. The voice in my car changed again this morning – now it sounds like Sarah Palin with a sinus infection. And the damned Sat Nav sent me to dealership again. I wastrying to get to that new antique store on Main Street. They have some great newclockwork on sale. By the time I’d persuaded the sales droid that I was there byaccident and found my way back across town, with every light switching to red justbefore I hit it, the antique store was closed. Just a minute, I have to open a window. The heating keeps coming on. It must be 85degrees outside, but the thermostat says 68. I’ve been in my underwear, sweating allday.Another shipment of piggy banks arrived this morning, seventy-four of them. Mycredit card thinks it’s so funny! Last time I tried to use an ATM, it somehow broughtup a porno movie on the screen. Boy was my face red, that lady behind me in the linebacking away gasping like a landed fish.Hey, the answer machine light just came on. Hang on. Oh great, fifty seven newmessages. I wondered why no one was calling me. I thought it might just have hadsomething to do with the April Fools Day gifts my Amazon account sent all myfriends. I mean even though there are, I mean were, several thousand friends in mysocial network, boasting a typical, wide range of tastes, the only ones who might have
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ROBONOYANCES
A world of inconvenience is just the push of a button away.
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