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Our School's Anti-Bullying Campaign

Our School's Anti-Bullying Campaign

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Published by Tony
The kids at Martin Bormann Academy are the target of bullies until Mr Lockjaw, an Army sniper turned teacher, finds a non PC solution to ease their misery
The kids at Martin Bormann Academy are the target of bullies until Mr Lockjaw, an Army sniper turned teacher, finds a non PC solution to ease their misery

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Published by: Tony on Jun 07, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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05/20/2012

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Our School’sAnti-BullyingCampaign
Despite the strange things that happened at the Martin Bormann Academy, bullyingby other children was not one of them. When you have a head teacher called MrsWhiplash, not to mention a sports teacher called Mr Lockjaw, there isn’t much roomfor bad behaviour. Not even from the kids who have social workers. With one hand,Mr Lockjaw can lift any of the top juniors and slam dunk them into the basket ballnet at the far end of the gym. He rarely misses and gives himself three points eachtime he scores, when anyone who plays basketball knows it’s only worth two. And just in case the other teachers miss anything, there is always our class teacher, MissBattleaxe, who is blessed with a special gift of seeing through walls.She once gave us a talk on bullying. It was very short. She slapped a metal ruleragainst the palm of her hand and said ‘If anyone here is getting up to that nonsense,I’m the one who’ll be doing it.’ Well, it was either bullying or health education.The trouble is the bullying came from outside school; it came from the boys at St.Beckhams. A small group crossed the park each morning just as some of us wereheading to school in the same direction. We dreaded that bit of our journey and triedto avoid them, but the same boys were always there. They would throw stones fromthe trees, trip us up from behind, and throw our books over the high walls whichsurround the Victorian pet cemetery. In winter, our scarves would be hurled out of reach over the branches of trees. In summer, when the weather was hot, they wouldget there early and splash around in the old swimming hole just off the main path.Then, having dried and dressed, they would hide in the bushes, and if one of uspassed by, push us into the pool.
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The Victorian pet cemetery was overgrown with weeds and was quite scary. Therewere dozens of little headstones with names like ‘Wee Bobbit, 1878’ or ‘Our LittleSmudge, died under a horse’. Some pets had names that would get you into bigtrouble, if you used them today. Last year, Thomas Tarbrush and I climbed over thewall to explore the cemetery. While we were there, Greta Grunge, and her tonguepoking friends, pushed a real live cat through a small hole in the wall. We werebending over to read a headstone that said ‘I am only sleeping master’ when it jumped out at us spitting furiously and we had to go home and change our pants.Eventually, we reported the bullying to Miss Lovelace who is very young and pretty.We also told Miss Battleaxe who is not. Miss Lovelace was very interested becauseshe had been on an anti-bullying course run by lots of experts. She got out a big fileof notes and told us that most children who bully are themselves bullied by otherpupils, and fewer than one in a hundred children are ‘true bullies’. Bullies also sufferfrom lots of family problems and deserve our sympathy. This did not go down wellwith Fred Frisbee, who had just spent ages looking for his shoes in the park, or withJasmine Juxtapose who had to ask Mr Brush, the caretaker, to dry out her art projecton the school boilers. Miss Lovelace was very young and pretty, but not much usewhen it came to dealing with the big issues in life.Miss Battleaxe was not pleased with what she heard. If you have read ‘A Day Trip tothe Zoo’, you will know that she had been arrested by a small woman policeman andhad spent the rest of the day muttering ‘Never met one I didn’t want to kick’. Wethought she was talking about the police, but later discovered from Dot and Carry, theschool cleaners, that she meant bullies. Basil Burlap, whose dad is behind bars, saidhe couldn’t see the difference. Neither could Danny Dingbat, but he’s the class dunce.
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Anyway, Miss Battleaxe told us that she would speak to Mrs Whiplash, the headteacher. In the meantime, she advised us to walk together as a group when crossingthe park, stay on the paths, and make a note of the boys who were tormenting us.Winnie Wickers had just started to say that Lily Lasagne knew lots of boys from St.Beckhams and might recognise them, when she gave a painful yell and hoppedaround rubbing one of her ankles.According to Dot and Carry, the cleaners who know everything, Mrs Whiplash had ameeting with Doctor Pratt, the head teacher at St. Beckhams . He’s not a properdoctor like Petal Patel’s dad who wears a white coat, and can cure anything at his allnight pharmacy. You also get to be called a doctor if you spend most of your grownup life as a student. According to Mr Lockjaw, you learn more and more about lessand less and, if you are really clever, you might end up knowing everything aboutnothing. Doctor Pratt suggested an anti-bullying week which would involve all theschools in the area. Surveys would be carried out to see how big the problem was. Healso offered to write an anti-bullying pamphlet called ‘Towards a Better World’.There would be special school assemblies, anti-bullying poetry, and each schoolwould have its own fluffy anti-bullying mascot which could be carried in processionaround the school, like the Olympic torch or a holy statue. When Mrs Whiplash toldus about this at school assembly, Miss Lovelace clapped her hands with enthusiasm,and Mr Flowerdew beamed with pleasure. Mr Lockjaw just placed two fingers in hismouth and made strange noises with his throat.After assembly, Mr Flowerdew was inspired to write a school anti-bullying song andthe chorus went something like this:
Will we ever be successful?Will we find fortune and fame?Will we carry away all the prizes?Will everyone know our name?What does it really matter?We hope that you will agree As long as we show everyone respect  In a world that’s safe and free
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