YouTakeWhatYouNeedFromYourFather
Father’sDayhasneverbeenabigdealatmyhouse.Mydadhatescelebrations.HegoesthroughthemotionsforChristmasbecauseitmeansalottomymom.He’llputupwithEasterbecauseitmeanshegetstoeatham.“Youcanprettymuchgettodowhateveryouwantifyougivemeham,”he’ssaidmanytimesinmylife.ButFather’sDayistechnicallyhisholiday,andthereforehefeelshehastherighttosquashitinourhouse.“Anyonecanfuckingprocreate,andmosteventuallydo.Irefusetocelebrateastatisticalprobability,”heannouncedonFather’sDaywhenIwasseventeen.Iwasabouttograduatefromhighschool,andmyrelationshipwithmydadduringthelastyearhadbeenrocky.Everythingwedidseemedtoannoyoneanother.Idealtwiththefrictionbyavoidingbeinginthehousewhilehewasthere,andhedealtwithitbyrepeatingthephrase,“Youmind?I’mwatchingthefuckingNatureChannel.”SowhenhetoldmeonthemorningofFather’sDaythatyearthathewouldnotpartakeinacelebration,frankly,Iwasfinewithit.Butmymotherwasnot.ThatnightIsatonmybedreadingabrochurefromSanDiegoStateUniversity,whereIwasheadinginthefall,whenthedoortomyroomopenedandmyfatherentered.“Sorrytointerruptwhateveritisyou’redoing,”hesaid.“I’mjustlookingatsomeoftheclassestheyhaveatState,”Isaid.“Ohyeah?Likewhat?”“Youwanttoknow?”“Ah,fuckit,notreally.Listen,yourmotherthinksyou’regoingtogoofftocollegeandhatemeandthenwe’renotgoingtobefriendsagainuntilI’mdyingandIgotawadofshitinmypants.That’sbullshitright?”“Ah–““So,look,I’mnotaneasyguytogetalongwith.Iknowthat.ButyouknowIwouldmurderanotherhumanbeingforyouifitcamedowntoit.Murder.Fuckinghomicide.Ifitcamedowntoit.”“Whywouldyouneedtodothatforme?”Isaid.“Idon’tknow.Maybeyougetmixedupinsomegamblingshitoryouscrewsomeguy’swifeor–don’tmatter.Notmypoint.Mypointis:Imayseemlikeanasshole,butImeanwell.AndIwanttotellyouastory,”hesaid,takingaseatonthefootofmybedbeforequicklyjumpingup.
 
“Yourbedsmellslikeshit.WherecanIsitthatdoesn’tsmelllikeshit?”Ipointedtomydeskchair,whichwascoveredwithdirtyclothes.Hebrushedtheclothesontothegroundandcollapsedinthechair.“Justforyourinformation,thischairalsosmellslikeshit.Thisisn’tanon-shit-smellingoption.Incaseagirlcomesoverorsomething.”“What’syourstory,Dad?”Isnapped.“IevertellyouhowImangledmyarm?”heasked,pointingtothelarge,whitecrescent-shapedscarthatpracticallycircledhisentireelbow.“Yeah,lotsoftimes.Youwere,like,tenandyouwereonthefarmandyoufelloffatobaccowagon,thenthewagonrolledoverit.”“Right.ButIevertellyouwhathappenedafterthewagonrolledoverit?”“Maybe.”Heleanedbackinthechair.“Iwaslayingontheground,bonespokingthroughmyskin.YourAuntDebbieisjustgoingape-shit.Theypopmeinourcar,andwedriveforty-fiveminutestoLexingtontothedoctor’s.Thisis1946Kentucky,andmytownwasashitstainonamapsowehadtodrivetothecity.Sothedocseesme,dressesthewoundsbesthecan,andputsmeupinthehospitalbed.AtthispointI’mabouttopassoutonaccountofthepain.”“Ialmosthadthathappenonce,”Iinterrupted.“Noyoudidn’t.Soanyway,I’mlyinginmyhospitalbedwhenyourGrandpagetsthere.AndyourGrandpawasatoughsonofabitch.Hewasn’tlikehowyouknewhim;hesoftenedupinhisnineties.SoGrandpagrabsthedoc,andyourAuntDebbieandthetwoofthemgooutsidemyroom.Icanhearthemtalking,buttheydon’tknowthat.ThedoctellsyourGrandpathattheythinkthere’sagoodchancethataninfectionhasalreadytakenholdinmyarm.AndGrandpa,inthatscratchyvoicehe’sgot,askswhatthatmeans.Andthedoctellshimitmeanstheyhavesomemedicinetheycangivemethatmightkilltheinfection,butitmightnot,andifitdoesn’t,I’lldie.”“Youheardthedoctorsaythat?”“Yep.”“What’dyoudo?”“Whatdoyoumean?Ihadfuckingbonescomingoutofmyelbow.Ididn’tdoshit.SothedoctellsGrandpathatthere’sa50/50chancethemedicineworks.Butthenhesaysthere’sanotheroption.Hetells
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