Maybe you had a father who you look up to as if he is a superhero and he is amazing in mostareas of life, but has a terrible relationship with your mother, but despite this you follow hisrelationship/dating advice dogmatically because you can¶t stand the idea of letting him down.You¶ll follow his advice even at the risk of marrying the wrong women and having anunsatisfying relationship for years just so you don¶t disappoint him. Then when you have a son,you do the same thing to him, because that¶s what you modeled and you don¶t even know youare doing it to him.
I think picking a healthy peer group is one of the most important decisions of your life. We¶veall heard the saying, ³You are the sum total of the 5 people you spend the most time with.´ Icouldn¶t agree more. Just because a friend is a good friend, a good person, great at business, or even great at attracting women, doesn¶t mean you should model how he handles relationships.Some of the most charismatic friends I¶ve ever had who could attract the hottest women andsleep with any girl they wanted, were absolutely terrible at keeping an amazing woman or havinga healthy relationship.Some of those great tactics that cause deep levels of attraction can be taken to far and cause atoxic relationship where it¶s nothing but fights and jealousy. The relationship becomes aconstant power struggle where the primary tools of expressing love are jealousy, withdrawal, andunhealthy boundary function. It¶s not about connected and dating their equal, it¶s aboutdominating a woman and making sure she knows who has the power. Well, if you are modelingthis, you can expect to end up in the same relationship prison.We often assume success in one area of life must mean success in all areas of life. I havementors who are great at attracting beautiful women, but this in no way makes them qualified to be a mentor in relationship management unless I have seen them in a loving healthyrelationship. Be careful about modeling the behaviors, thought patterns, and actions of someoneyou consider successful.Even worse is modeling the unhealthy friend who is jaded by women. These are the guys whoare charismatic with guys and speak from such a place of authority it can be easy to get suckedinto their reality and believe what they say and think. Often times these guys are extremelysmart and interesting, but because they are either bad with women or were hurt by a woman theyspew their negative beliefs onto anyone who is willing to listen. I was one of these guys for awhile. I remember after one of my girlfriends dumped me there was about a year and a half where I hated women. I saw them all as trying to use men, manipulative, fake, not loyal, and justgenuinely despised them. I¶d spew my hate about women to all my friends and look for anyshred of evidence I could find to validate my dark world view. I¶d joke negative about women, jump on any opportunity to help my friends find reasons to dump their girlfriends and was on asearch and destroy mission to find, sleep with, and crush every women in the tri state area.Because I¶m a charismatic guy and I was still good enough to sleep with women despite being jaded, my friends couldn¶t help but model my behavior, but what a horribly unhealthy model for my friends to follow. I still feel guilty about the things I accidentally taught the guys around meand damage I probably caused in their lives and relationships.