Getting shirty

Mike Bayly looks at the ridiculous rules of removing ones shirt.

In 2004, FIFA President Sepp Blatter championed a change in the law which mandated automatic yellow cards for players who remove their shirts while celebrating goals. If one were to adopt a Freudian approach, it could be argued that Blatter was merely projecting his own insecurities on to the wider game; perhaps the sight of rippling young athletes stripped to the waist was too much to bare for a man with a physique which, if given to the Elephant Man, the Elephant man would say I look awful Law 12 (Fouls and Misconduct Decision 6) states "A player who removes his jersey when celebrating a goal must be cautioned for unsporting behaviour." Yet there is little explanation as to why such a relatively harmless act can be deemed as criminal as scything down an opponent with a reckless challenge. Shortly after the law was passed, Adrian Chiles wrote a fine piece in the Independent asking exactly the same thing. The explanations even from top referees were not forthcoming: that FIFA had passed the law seemed justification in itself. Chiles was mystified: Seeing the foot soldiers of football struggle to obey their generals' orders, brings Tennyson's words to mind: "Thiers not to make reply, theirs not to reason why" In addition to this madness, law was unilaterally passed forbidding players from jumping over the perimeter fencing when celebrating a goal, no doubt on those ubiquitous health and safety grounds. We live in litigious times; there are arguments that players running towards fans can cause crush surges, or jumping into the crowd could cause someone to lose an eye, but this comes from the same nonsense school of maxims that argues Swans can break a mans arm. When I first sat down and thought about these rules, it struck me how absurd they are when applied to the nonleague game, especially lower down the pyramid. During last seasons Ryman League fixture between Wingate & Finchley and Waltham Abbey, Joe OBriens deflected free kick sent the crowd of Wingate fans behind the goal into delirium, a joyous moment shared with the players as they ran over to hug the fans. It was one of those epiphanies that make you realise why football, especially at this level, is so God damn wonderful. These arent just faceless entities that turn up, sign a few autographs with a bored look on the face and hurry off in their blacked out Bugattis. They are people we chat to week in, week out and know at a personal level; to share this euphoria, is to indulge in the true meaning of fan participation, especially as most of the non-league experience involves standing on dismal windswept terraces (or in Northwoods case, next to a graveyard) getting soaked to the skin. Is it really asking too much to indulge in something so harmless and innate without the risk of a player getting booked? Evidently not.

One can see where these scenarios might cause problems; if Jan Molby hurled himself over the railing into a crowd of pensioners, it would resemble a geriatric game of skittles. And if the proverbial one man and his dog were launched at by a group of exuberant last minute winning players, it might be the final nail in the hip replacement coffin. But in all the years I have watched non-league football there has never been the slightest

whiff of an incident involving players celebrating with fans. In fact the only time I have seen trouble, is when a goalscorers actions have antagonised away fans at larger league grounds. Given you could fit the average Ryman League away following in a black cab with leg room - the rules of universality simply dont apply. Laws on fair play are without doubt essential. Laws aimed at presenting FIFA as moral guardians of a highly emotive game, bound by instinct and not objectivity, are just pointless. As for the original point about the removal of shirts, it is hard to see who is flexing their muscles more: frankly, you would imagine FIFA have other priorities to address. Football is a vortex of testosterone, and if stripping to the waist is a portent of passion, then so be it. Whilst the game is still played by men and not machines, cavorting with semi naked males, or indulging in a homoerotic playground pile on is OK in my book, even if it does resemble scenes from Tom Browns Schooldays.