The Inveterate Bachelor

2011/06/22 22:24

WANDERLAND ESSAYS: Hines Sight

QUICK LINKS wonderlust for the www.waste.land ESSAYS: Hines Sight CATEGORIES LOG: Life & Logistics JOURNAL: Like & Life DIARY: Something Like Love... ESSAYS: Hines Sight POETRY: Insert WordArt... CHALKBOARD: Scratch & Snip QUOTES: Trite & True WORDS: Plays & Sound Bites 5 Words, 5 Minutes About This About Me CALENDAR May 2006 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat 1 7 14 21 28 8 15 22 29 2 9 16 23 30 3 10 17 24 31 4 11 18 25 5 12 19 26 6 13 20 27

THE INVETERATE BACHELOR

Okay. I guess you know you've been a single man long enough when you wake up ...and find that youre spooning -- with your cat. It's bad enough how much you talk to the cat when you're awake and how you do it. I mean, it doesn't matter what accent it's in or how many times you ask because the cat's not going answer, "Yes -- I am the baby. Now -- get on with your life, already." Maybe it would help if she did, though. I mean I hear the calling. I do. My life has been tugging me at the shirtsleeve, the pant leg, what have you, and trying to slap me in the back of my head to say, "Life doesn't have to be alone." And I realize this. My motto, however, is: Unless you want it otherwise, life is good. And it is. And even bittersweet is still sweet. But it doesn't have to be alone, right? So, I look at my life. I try to stop it from speeding by and try to catch it and so I assess myself and see if I am who I want to be. Am I a catch? Well, I am who I want to be. I listen, I care, I think, I accomplish, I charm, I interest, I amuse -- I try. Then why am I alone? I mean, I have many wonderful friends, I have a great family and -have I told you about my cat? I've got Campbell, too, you see. So, I'm not alone. So, why? Am I a rude person? For the most part, I don't think so. Otherwise, I think my circle of friends would have dwindled to a dot. Am I uninteresting? Am I boring? I don't think so. And the way I topsy-turvily live my life, I don't think so. Hmmm...maybe it's the topsy-turviness. I look around, though, and I can see some freaky ass people in relationships so it might not be that after all. Am I selfish? I think only healthfully so, if not enough so. Well, there are a million possible character traits I could list but I'm going to egotistically say that I think I at least hit a C+/B- on the Catch Scale. But, then, what's the reason? Is it pickiness? That's a possibility. I mean, my perfect man must meet some pretty precarious requirements: He has to be intelligent and witty enough to charm people; he has to know his way around the world and gracefully through any situation; he has to have a breadth and depth of interests and consequent knowledge; he must, at least secretly, be a non-conformist; he must like to dance; he mustn't be too lazy; he must appreciate my interests; he must like me, haha; and he must have a face and a figure I like. And if that figure is in the millions -- at most, I wouldn't care. I know that's idealistic. But that's my ideal. I don't expect a picture puzzle perfect fit in reality -but my ideal is a different matter. In reality-- well, it's funny. I look around at the men I meet and guys that go to the gay bars and the who what and wheres in the world around me -- and it's like there's a salesman in my head. Two little salesmen, in fact -- one in red and one in white (one for each party, I guess) each saying "Come on -- he's not that --" and each ending in either "good" or "bad". Bargaining in my head for the love that dare not speak it's name? Don't worry -- I'm talking to my therapist about all of this already. So, I may not be that unrealistic. And even if I am, I would imagine that that's only one of many

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The Inveterate Bachelor

2011/06/22 22:24

factors! I mean, logistics have to be counting for something. I thought about looking on the internet. I'm just not sure about what I'd find. I mean, I know a few people who have found their very wonderful relationships through the internet (I've learned you have to be very, very -- I can't stress how very -- very clear) -- and even a couple I suspect met on the internet but won't tell anybody -- but I just haven't really brought myself to the keyboard to actually look for a boyfriend. I've always thought that love would find me by happenstance and happy coincidence, defined by its lack of expectation and element of surprise -- not at first kilobyte. But I'm thinking that I might start looking. I mean, I go to the bars but never with the intention or the expectation -- just the hope. And I'll always have hope. But does that mean I shouldn't ever actually e-look for an e-boyfriend? O, I don't know. Maybe a student of life who's majoring in Philosophy & Literature/Writing shouldn't intend on or expect getting what he wants but just keep on hoping. Or, maybe he shouldn't hope for or intend on getting what he wants but just expect it. Or -- maybe he shouldn't expect or hope for getting what he wants but just intend on it and keep on trying. I see at least two possible lives ahead of me, each ending in either "good" or "bad". I'll accept either and I'll always be happy -- so let's just keep hoping for the happy ending.... Posted on Thu - May 22, 2003 Previous Next Feedback

Heath Hines

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