Carissa Conti - Chasing Phantoms

Chasing Phantoms
Personal experiences, observations and theories into the abduction/mind control phenomenon
Carissa Conti 2006
Dedicated to Tom The light at the end of the tunnel!
Tablle of Contents Tab e of Contents

Introduction........................................................................................................i
PartIMILABSandMindControl............................................................... 1
Aliens,MilitaryandMILABS ............................................................ 1 Causesforabductions ..................................................................... 7 Militaryabductions...................................................................... 7 Themilitaryexperimentingonitsownpersonnel............... 8 Beingfamilyofmilitarypersonnel ...................................... 11 Targetingjuveniledelinquentsandinmates ...................... 13 Themilitaryagainstthealiens.............................................. 16 Trackingthealienabductee............................................... 20 Hyperdimensionalabductions................................................. 20 Detectingabductions ........................................................................ 22 Foreshadowing .............................................................................. 22 Aftereffects .................................................................................... 24 Methodsfortakingtheabductee .................................................... 26 SmashandGrab......................................................................... 27 Drivetothem ................................................................................. 27 Beammeup,Scotty ................................................................... 27 Soul/subtlebodyabductions.................................................... 28 Implants.............................................................................................. 29 Mindcontrolprogramming............................................................. 31 Traumabasedmindcontrol......................................................... 31 Screenmemories............................................................................ 34 Overzealousprogrammingattempts.......................................... 36 Blockinganderasingmemories ...................................................... 37 Drugs,ElectroshockandHypnosis............................................. 37 Memorysurging ........................................................................ 40 Dreams,realitycontext,andtheassemblagepoint ............. 41 Residualabilitiesandtalents ....................................................... 43 Wavebeamingharassment.............................................................. 48 Microwaves .................................................................................... 48 Sicknessbeams........................................................................... 50 Theworldunderground .................................................................. 51
PartIIMyOwnExperiences ..................................................................... 55
Actualmemories ............................................................................... 57 Suspicious/obviousindicatorsasakid .......................................... 60 Theobviousstuffasanadult .......................................................... 68 Suspiciousstuffasanadult ............................................................. 83 Sidetrackcircusdiversionharassment....................................... 91 TheDreams.................................................................................. 113 Summary.......................................................................................... 126
PartIIIExpandedInsights....................................................................... 133
Fearinrelationtotheabductionexperience ........................... 133 Blackhelicopters ...................................................................... 136 Paranoia .................................................................................... 139 Death/injurythreatsandattempts ........................................ 141 Prayingforinterventionvs.savingyourself ........................ 148 Connectingtoyourhigherpowers ....................................... 148 Revokingillegalmetaphysicalcontracts .............................. 151 NegativeentitiesinterferingwithawakeningMILABS . 153 Thwartingpsychicattacks ...................................................... 157 Endtimesprogramming ............................................................ 161 Untanglingdisinformation ........................................................ 169 Multiplepersonalitiesvs.multiplepersonas....................... 176 Physicalandspiritualisolationoftargets................................ 181 Isolationandrelationshipinterference ................................. 181 ThereisnoGod/severingspiritualconnections .............. 184 HandlersandInfluencers........................................................... 187 Discoveringabductionschedules ............................................. 188 Sabotagingprogrammingcommands ...................................... 192 Urgestomovetocertainlocations .................................... 195 TheHyperdimensionalandparanormalphenomenon ......... 196 Numbersightings .................................................................... 197 Eartones/ringing. .................................................................... 199 Realvs.artificialsynchronicities ........................................... 201 Theparanormal........................................................................ 204 TheChosenOnes..................................................................... 207 Aliensoulsincarnatingonamission? .................................. 207 Abductmeandmakemefeelspecial! .................................. 211 Thebigboyswiththeiralientoys ............................................. 213
AppendixGrowingUpWeird ................................................................ 219 RecommendedReading .............................................................................. 263
Introduction Introduction

With regards to abduction research its difficult to get a clear handle on what exactly is being done, to whom, how, and most importantlywhy.Werechasingafterphantomsmostofthetime, becausethey,beitaliensormilitaryblackops,areverygoodat wiping out nearly all memories, planting red herrings and screen memories, and covering their tracks with minimal evidence left behind. While working on this write up, Ive gotten to points where I was about to abandon the endeavor completelybecause of the inexplicablenatureofitall,andthefactthatIcanneverseemtoget concrete answers to anything. It began to seem futile. Having to untangle valid information from what seems like so much disinformation, and encountering all the he said/she said finger pointing, accusations, and counteraccusations within the material can make ones head spin. And when you research long enough, you may find that inevitably, you start engaging in some wacky logicwhatIcalldoublereversepsychology,forlackofabetter way to put it. ;) We know what reverse psychology is double reverse is when somebody becomes so suspicious of everything they read that they reverse the logic of whats being presented throughmultiple unravelingsto try to get to the bottom of whats going on. ! I was given some helpful insight though about all of this, which Ill relay here: The fact that there is so much disinformation out there ultimately, points to the information. So keeppluggingawayandtryingtofindanswerswastheconclusion. Dontgiveup. Another issue that Ive come across while researching abductions and mind control is that there tends to be the same, yearsold, and most likely very outdated material being circulated tothemasspublic.Idontclaimtodefinitivelyknowwhatsgoing on, but what I can surmise is this: If its been declassified and releasedforthepublic toknowabout, then its outdated, whichis exactly why it has been released. Because they dont care if you know.Itmayhavebeentrueandaccuratedecadesago.Butits
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mostlikelythattheyarenotplayingbythesamerulesanymore, and methods of operation would have definitely changed since manyofthosematerialswereoriginallywritten. So to say were all chasing phantoms is putting it mildly. Taking into account the outdated information, the deliberate disinformation, screen memories designed to disguise, random fragmentsandpieces thatdontmakesense,and erased memories so theres nothing left at all, then what we have is a whole lot of confusion. But despite double reverse wacky psychology, I still believethereissomethingveryrealhappeninghere,anditsnotall smoke and mirrors designed to get us chasing our tails. Some of what the higher realm entities and military factions are doing to humans is merely batting us around the same way a cat will toy withitsprey,whichIoutlineinmoredetailthroughoutthisbook; butothertimestheyredoingsomethingveryseriousandreal.So its imperative that we learn how to differentiate between the two types of activities, discover what exactly theyre doing to us as individuals(becauseitdoesvaryfrompersontoperson)thentake measurestoheadthingsoff,andstopasmuchofitaswecan. Now,anotetothereader:Thiswriteupisgearedspecifically towards those who already know the basics surrounding alien/military abductions and mind control and who believe themselves to be the target of such, rather than trying to inform those who have never read anything about these topics, or to convince skeptics. So you may notice the lack of thorough backgroundexplanationonthehistoryofmilitary/alienabductions andmindcontrol.Therearesomanyothermaterialsouttherethat amply cover the basics, and I didnt want to retread over old ground and bore readers by covering material that theyre most likely already aware of. The focus of this write up evolved over time, eventually becoming what primarily amounts to tactical tips and insights gleaned from my own experiences, as well as an attempt to inject a fresh perspective into the works concerning certaintopics.ItrytoaddressissuesthatIhaventseencoveredin othermaterial,pickapartsomecommonabductionlorebeliefs,and presentmultiplepossibilitiesforsomeofwhatsgoingonallinan
Introduction
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efforttostimulatethinkingandanalysis.Toooftenweregivenone possibilityortheoryforsomethingandarecontenttojustacceptit asis,withoutanalyzingitorlookingforotherfacets.Sothiswrite up is very personal you could say, definitely not presented in a detached,stuffy,academicmanner,beingthatIrelaystoriesand experiences from myself and people who have been close to me over the years. When sharing personal experiences and insights, downtoearth accessibility is the key. Serious and stuffy just wouldntwork! Sowiththatinmind,sitbackandenjoytheride
Part I Part I
MILABS and Mind Control
Thetermabductiontendstothrowalotofpeopleoff.Thanks to decades of UFO lore, the term now has a dramatic, grandiose connotationassociatedwithaliens.Ivemetpeoplewhoexhibited telltale suspicious indicators of having been tinkered with via military experimentation and programming, but who have shied away from pursuing the possibility or were skeptical of it all because the terms abduction and abductee sound so extreme. These terms make it seem that a person is in regular ongoing contact with space aliens, floated out of their room onto UFOs as commonly portrayed in mainstream literature. This is definitely not the case for many peopleand yet theres no doubt that they have funny things happening to them, suspicious incidents and anomalous dreams, odd family situations and noteworthy psychic/intellectual talents and abilities that sets them apart from theaverageperson.Somethingsgoingonwiththem,buttheterm abduction as its commonly understood doesnt really fit their more subtle situation. As a result, these people may wind up dismissingthingsandwalkingaway,whichisunfortunatebecause oftentimesthereisastorygoingon. Abductionsarentalwaysalieninnaturefarfromitinfact. Soletsreviewthevariouspossibilitiesofwhostakingwhom,and why

Aliens, Military and MILABS There are two main perpetrators in abduction literature: The aliens, and the military. UFOs and alien abductions receive far more attention than military abductions however, and could even be labeled a national obsession considering the number of books, articles, movies, television specials, websites, and yearly conferences held around the world for this phenomenon over the past thirty years. Its a topic that has become a threering circus,
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complete with its own celebrities, and rife with disinformation, confusionanddistractions. Militaryabductionsontheotherhandcould beconsideredthe black sheep, since its a subject that the general public seems to have the least amount of knowledge of and the most resistance to hearing about. Somehow the ideaof alien invaders taking us and probing us is easier to accept and process and certainly more fancifulthantheideaofhumanstakingandabusingotherhumans against their will and zapping their memories, or even falsifying them altogether. Especially when it concerns institutions that the publichasbeentaughttothinkofasnoble,patrioticdefendersof democracy and freedom! So alien abductions get nearly all the attention, whereas military abductions get the cold shoulder or flatoutsuppressed. Military abductions is a general term that consists of several subcategories...and as noted in the opening paragraph of this section, it isnt always an accurate term to describe whats happeningtomanyofthepeoplewhobelonginthiscategory.But there are the regular military abductions as I define it, which refers to the government/military taking their personnel, personnels offspring, and/or the civilian population for the purposeofmindcontrolandvariousexperimentation,ofwhichIll outlineinmoredetailshortly.Andthenthereswhatsnowknown as MILABs, a term coined by Dr. Helmut Lammer, which is the title of his book by the same name. MILABs involves alien abductees being tailed, harassed and abducted by military spooks followingontheheelsoftheiralienabductions. Closely related to that is the subcategory involving aliens workingincahootswithvariouscountriesmilitaries,mostnotably the U.S. Many abductees report being taken to either above or undergroundbaseswheretheywitnessmilitarypersonnelworking alongsidevarioustypesofbeingsReptilians,Grays,Amphibians, andsoon,tonameafew.Formepersonally,Ihaveexpandedmy usage of the term MILABs to include the joint aspect of things as well.
Part I MILABS and Mind Control
In my research Ive noticed a bit of conflict regarding the MILABs aspect of abductions. Researchers, including abductees andsupposedsurvivorsofmilitaryblackopsmindcontrolprojects, cantseemtoagreeonhowaliensfitintotheequationorifthey evendoatall.Ipersonallybelieveintheconceptofaliens.Idont thinkwegottowherewearetodaywithoutthehelpofsomething else along the way, and all the evidence seems to be pointing to nonhumanintelligencesmanipulatingtheaffairsofMankind,and steering the direction of life on earth in general, from behind the scenes. There have been several excellent books that offer up convincing evidence with regards to this whole subject so I wont get into it all here. But considering where humanity has gone in such a short period of time, it almost seems pretty farfetched to believe otherwise. Where did the powers that be suddenly get thistechnologyfrom?Isupposewecouldhavegottenthereonour own. But to go from the gritty industrial age in the late 1800s to computers, lasers, genetic engineering, fiber optics, satellites and spaceflightjusttonameafewthingswithinroughly7080years seemsoh,Idontknow,prettyweird. Followingaretwoexamplesofcautiousskepticswhobelievein covertmilitaryabductionsandactivity,butyetdoubttheideaofa military/alienalliance.IntheaforementionedbookMILABs:Mind Control & Alien Abductions by Dr. Helmut Lammer and Marion Lammer, we see an interesting refusal to accept the possibility of militaryfactionsworkingincahootswithaliens/Reptilians.Bolded wordsmyownemphasis:
Afterthedescriptionofthereptoidlikebeingsherememberedhow she was raped by this creature. We dont know what this traumatic experience means. We dont think, however, that the military worked with this reptoid creature. It could be possible that Michellewasdruggedwithanhallucinogen,rapedbyahumanand projected the reptoid as a kind of screen memory, although she described the skin and other features of the creature quite realistically.page49

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Sincemanypeoplehavephobiasaboutreptilesorsnakesitwouldbe logical that they would experience such beings if they were on a gruelingLSDtrippage50

Deloras(pseudonym)fatherwasacareerNavyofficer,inthesupply corpsShe believes that she saw aliens and humans performing medicalproceduresonthemDelorabelievesthatthehumansinthe capsules were clones. It is more probable that the humans in the capsules were used for secret biowarfare or chemical warfare experiments, since cloning technology was certainly not well developed during the 1960s. It is more likely that the supposed aliens who worked with human doctors were medical staff who coveredtheirfaceswithsurgicalmasksorworebiohazardclothes. page5556
The Lammers find it easier to accept the idea that the military was keeping people in capsules for covert biowarfare experimentation versus the idea of aliens creating clones. Both theories can seem pretty far out there, and neither one is more believable than the other, in my opinion. So the refusal to accept one while grappling at the other could show distress/denial, unconsciousprogramming,oraconsciousagendaonthepartofthe authors. What also stands out for me is the faulty, missing the pointlogicinthelastexcerptaboutcloningtechnologynotbeing well developed in the 1960s. Well of course humans didnt have that level of technology back thenbut aliens would have. And thatsexactlywhoDelorawasspeakingofintheseexcerpts. Another example is an excerpt taken from the book Close EncountersofthePossessionKind,byWilliamBaldwin,Ph.D.Dr. Baldwin is a hypnotist specializing in the phenomenon of entity/alien attachments on people and how to rid their presence. In the following excerpt, an attached alien entity harasser is speaking directly to Dr. Baldwin through the hypnotized subject. Boldedwordsaremyownemphasis.
These beings were conducting some sort of mind control experiments on many humans, with permission by some human
authority, and absolutely refused to cease their operations. As the therapistand facilitator of the sessions, I usually make ademand for theclientssovereignrightofindividualfreedomandfreewillinsuch cases. Usually it works, sometimes not so well. This being disdainfullyagreedtoreleasethisonewomanfromtheproject,butno oneelse.
ThisarousedmycuriosityandIasked:
Dr. B.: How many humans on this planet are you affecting in this way?
Theimmediate,unmistakable,andominousreply: C.:Askyourgovernment.
Father perceived him turning his attention away from us. We were unimportant to him, as was the single female subject he had just discardedfromhisproject.
There was an unmistakable feeling of malevolence and personal threat.Thatwasenough.WhileIdonotconcurwiththeconspiracy theorists regarding the GovernmentET connection, I believe the intelligence agencies are capable of covert nefarious activities involvingcitizens.
page5152.

Dr. Baldwin wholeheartedly believes in aliens and demonic entities.Heacknowledgeshisbeliefinnefarious,covertintelligence agency activities, and later on in the book expands on this topic when he mentions the CIAs MK Ultra mind control experiments. Yet.hecantreconcilethetwosidesjoiningforces.Additionally, theres a notsosubtle message being conveyed by labeling such a belief as being in the realm of conspiracy theorists. Last time I checked, both a belief in aliens and acknowledgement of covert, nefariousactivitiesonU.S.citizensbyintelligenceagencieswasalso the realm of conspiracy theorists, according to the mainstream world,butnevermindthat.;) Close Encounters of the Possession Kind is still highly recommended though, despite that lone, puzzling comment about
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not believing the conspiracy theorists who talk about an alien/government alliance. However MILABs hasalways struck me as being a mixed bag. It addresses this clandestine topic, makingitseemlikeitsonthesideoftheabducteeswhowouldbe reading it to get answers, only to turn around and subtly undermine peoples experiences with a military/nonhuman intelligence alliance via the authors inserted bias, as well as the cartoon illustrations used throughout. The cartoons look straight outofacomicbook,andgivethebook,andthetopicasawhole,a silly feel. (pages 46, 79, 81, 122, and 141). Maybe someone somewhererealizedthatinorderforthisbooktobeallowedout there, that it hadto be done this way? Or,it could be a covert agenda,Idontknow.AllIcandoissuggestforpeopletobealert whenreadinganymaterialthatsprominentlyouttherediscussing militaryorjointalien/militaryabductionoperations.Combthrough itcarefully,andbeperceptivetopossiblesubtleundermininggoing onattemptstoplaydownorevenflatoutdismisscertainsensitive subjectmatter,skippingovermaterialthatshouldbecoveredwhile focusingheavilyonsomethingthatdoesntseemallthatimportant, speakinginblack/whiteabsolutes,etc.,andsoon. Ultimately, everybody has to make up their own mind about whethertherereallyarealiensandifthereis,whethertheyare working with factions of the human population. I can only speak for myself, as somebody who has witnessed hyperdimensional happenings and interacted with nonphysical entities from other realms.Ihavemyownproofthatthisaspectofrealityisreal,and forthatreasonitsnotastretchformetoimagineamergerofthose realms with humans/government/military. For this reason, Im going to tackle my book from that particular point of view, addressingtopicswhichinvolvethenonhuman/hyperdimensional aspectofthings.

Causes for abductions

Military
How does one find themselves the unwitting target of military/governmentblackopsabductionsand/orexperimentation? Itcanarisefromseveralpossibleavenues: 1. Being in the government/military, either in the past or present; 2. Having indirect ties to the government/military through a parentorspouse; 3. Societys throwaway kids in jails and juvees; possibly incarceratedadultsaswellandthoseinmentalinstitutions; 4. Beingabductedbysomethingelse,i.e.,aliens,whichin turngeneratesinterestfromvariousmilitaryfactions. And in doing the research, it seems that MILABs targets are beingusedfor: 1. PSI work Remote viewing, psychic warfare, psychic experimentationtelepathy,telekinesis,astraltravel,etc. 2. Technological experimentation implants, microwave signals,cloakingdevises,holographicreality,etc.Voicesin the head, remote thought influencing, what can they get peopletobelieve,howcansocietyasawholebeinfluenced togodownthepaththeywant. 3. Hallucinogenicmindcontrolexperimentationtestingthe effects and potentials of LSD and other psychedelic drugs; Experimentingtoseehowthehumanmindcanbebentand shaped and reworked. However, possibly more of an interestbackinthe50s70sthanpresentday. aka Manchurian 4. Programmed sleeper agents, Candidates. Compartmentalization of the brain via traumabased mind control, drugs, hypnosis and electroshock. Victims used as an agent provocateur, for
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criminal work, terrorist activity, assassinations; sex slaves, Presidential Model message couriers, the porn industry, etc. Somebody who can be programmed to suit any agendathatsneeded. 5. Learn as much about the alien presence as possible by interrogating, implanting and monitoring alien abduction victims. Lets go through some of the items on the first list in more detail:

1. Themilitaryabducting/experimentingonitsownpersonnel Based on my dads story, which I get into in detail in the Appendix,andothermaterialsIhavecomeacross,myconclusionis that the military is always scoping for talented recruits those who have certain natural, latent abilities. One of the ways they can discover whos who is through the Military Aptitude Test (MAT). Theyre not just trying to figure out where to assign you basedonyourintelligenceandnaturalskillinclination,theyrealso trying to figure out What can you do for them? Are you a good candidateforanyoftheirsideprojectexperiments? An interesting excerpt I found in Carla Emerys Secret, Dont Tellmentionsthisverything:
The government was pursuing exactly that line of research: creatinganartificialsplitpersonalityoutofanimaginarychildhood playmate...Animaginarychildhoodplaymateisamarkerforhypnotic susceptibility. It can also be a point of fracture for artificial personalitysplitting. R.J.,aformerRangerandVietNamSpecialForcesretireetoldme,in 1991,everyonewhoisgoingintoanybranchofthemilitarytakesthe MilitaryAptitudeTest,theMAT.Itasksseveralquestionsalongthose lines: Did you have imaginary playmates? How old were you when you quit playing with your imaginary friend?Almost ever person who goes into a Special Forces unit has had a childhood
imaginaryfriend.Idid.Hewasameanguy.HedidthingsIcouldnt do.page60
Ihavenoideaifmydadhadanimaginaryfriendwhenhewas a young child, but certainly that wouldnt be the only potential indicator theyre looking for. I didnt have imaginary friends, yet Im still extremely susceptible to hypnosis and have clearly been takenandprogrammed.Sotherearedefinitelyothercluesthatcan alert them that youre a prime candidate for something. With regardstomyDadssituation,herelayedtomethatassoonashe took his MAT upon enlisting in the Navy, he was in essence, whisked away you could say. He was able to skip his two weeks of basic training based on those MAT results, which according to him is pretty much unheard of as far as he knows. Then he was immediately assigned to be a Tech Personnel, translating Morse code into type. A very difficult task that most people cant do. Many people can barely type adequately.let alone be able to simultaneously translate Morse code...let alone translateitatover8090wpmtypingspeed.Butmydaddid.And his next four years in the military found him experiencing what could be considered preferential treatment, strange incidents of psychicsurging,closecallswithdeathwherehealwaysseemedto haveabubbleofprotectionaroundhim,andevenacloseencounter with a UFO that appeared over a base in Vietnamwhere he was standing directly underneath it. Based on further details my dad provided, it seemed that he was definitely being used for something on the side during his time in the military, and it probablydidntstopafterheleft. Followingisanexcerptfromamessageboardpostingthatwas addressed to me on August 19, 2003, regarding one mans experiences when first enlisting in the military. He had been posting his strange and unusual experiences plaguing him throughout his life, including psychic phenomenon and funny phonecallsfromunknownsources,withamalevoicesayingvery pointedthingstohim.Forsomeonewhohasneverresearchedthis topic his stories would go right over their head, but after reading some of his posts I recognized what seemed to me to be military
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mind control experimentation. I took the chance and posted somethingbacktohim,broachingthesubject,mentioninghowhis storieshavethetrademarkofsuchwrittenalloverthem.Hereare the relevant excerpts from the more detailed response that he posted back, (content kept as is, including any writing errors, boldedwordsmyownemphasis):
Iftherewaseveradirectinvolvementwithwhatyouarespeakingof, Iknowexactlywhereandwhenitwouldhaveoccurred.Iwillstart bysayingthatIwasnotinthemilitaryforanylengthoftimebeyond 12 weeks of basic training. There was some medical problems and I had to be released.I had scored extremely high on my ASFAB aptitudetestbeforeenteringtheservice.IwasgoingtogoMarines, butoptedfortheArmyatthelastminutewithafriend.Ispecifically was going for Airborne and whatever that would lead to. One day, oneoftheDrillSgts.readsomenamesaloudandtoldseveralofus to get on a bus with blacked out windows. We were driven to a remotelocationandtoldtoentersomebuilding.Wewereputina roomandthisguycomesinandtellsusthatweweregoingtolistento sometapesofamantalkingoveraspeakersystem.Hewasgoingto speak a foreign language and the tests were going to see if by just listeningtothecadenceandinflectioninthemansvoice,whetheror not we would be good candidates to go to interrogation or linguistic training. I am an excellent test taker, but never had an affinity for foreign languages. I mean, I like them, hearing people express themselves,butIreallyhadnointerestinlearningone.
IrememberthatIstoppedansweringthequestionsafteronly3or4 asIreallywasntinterestedinspeakingaforeignlanguage,butafter that,everythingelseseemsblank.Seriously,IdontknowifItook theopportunitytogotosleeporwhat,butIdontremembergetting back on that bus to go back to the barracks some couple of hours later.ThisisabouttheonlyinstanceIcanrecallofmissinganyperiod oftimefrommylife
I think its safe to say that the military has many secondary layers to it, and national defense is only one bit of what theyre actually doing with their recruits. And its a shame too that so manynaveyoungmenandwomenenlisteveryyear,notrealizing
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whats really going on behind the scenes. Theyre signing away theirbodiesandlives,inmorewaysthanone.Andevenworseis thefactthatonceyousignyourselfaway,itapparentlydoesntend afteryourtimehasexpired.Itseemsthatthemilitarybelievesthey owntheirpersonnelforever.Itreallyislikesigningacontractwith thedevilwhenyouthinkaboutit.Evenifyousomehowmanageto backout,orfindanexcusetobedischargedbeforeyourtourisup theyve already got your information and have your MAT/IQ test results, and youve possibly already undergone one or more programming sessions whether you know it or not. You become permanentlyonrecord,andtheresnoundoingthat.Atthispoint, considering the documents that have been declassified which flat out admit to the government and military experimenting on unwitting personnel and civilians over the decades it amazes me that people would still enlist at all! MK ULTRA, Projects ARTICHOKE,CHATTER,BLUEBIRD,OFTEN,andthelistgoeson when you do the research. And those are just the ones that the public now knows about. Projects involving traumabased mind controlandcompartmentalizationofthemind,subjectingtargetsto LSD/hallucinogenic experiments, truth serum experiments, implantingtargetsandbeamingmessagesatthemviamicrowaves totesttheconceptofhearingvoicesinthehead,etc.Toomanyto namehere.
2. Beingfamilyofmilitarypersonnel Its my theory that if the military finds a particularly useful subject for their side projects they would therefore be interestedinkeepingtabsonthatpersonsoffspringdowntheline incasethechildreninheritsomeofthesameorbettertalents andabilities. Inaddition,forthosepeoplewhoareworkinginthecapacityof national security and intelligence, their offspring seem to be monitored and programmed. For whatever reason, I dont know exactly why, but its something Im beginning to realize through my research and personal experience. Time and again youll find
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thatsomanyabductees/mindcontroltargetshaveparents,(usually fathers)inthemilitary,andoftentimesworkinginthecapacityof national security and intelligence. My own father was Navy, reporting to the NSA for intelligence, aka spying, during Vietnam, and several female MILABS/military targets that Ive known over the past few years, and ones that I had suspicions about,allhaddadsandsometimesevengrandfatherswhowerein theNavy. I received an email from a woman recently while doing this writeupwhowaswonderingifherfianccouldhavemindcontrol programming.Thefiancsfamilyfitstheprofileofmyexsfamily, nearlytoaT:Thefatherworkingforthegovernmentwithnuclear weapons engineering; the fanatical Christian/Catholic mother who was mentally unstable while simultaneously trying to uphold the image of the Perfect American Family, and the son with the compartmentalized mind, who cant remember his dreams and believes that he doesnt dream, but yet, talks in his sleep. Both families did have differences, and the story of her fianc is more likeacombinationofmybrotherandmyexifyouweretomixboth together,butthefactthattherecouldbesuchasimilarprofileof sortswasutterlyamazingtome.Whataretheimplicationsofthat? Thebiggestquestionsheaskedthough,whichgottothecoreofthe issue,wasWhy?Whywouldthekidsofthesemilitarypersonnel betargetedforprogramming?Whatpurposedoesitserve?What aretheybeingusedfor?? All I can do is theorize, because only the people instilling the programming know why theyre doing it and what long range purposeitservesifany.Italwaysremindsmeofthe1997movie Cube, where its revealed that there is no point to the Cube experiment,andthereisnoonepersoninchargeofitallwithinthe government. Ive actually had the thought that its almost as if theyrejustcreatingnonsenseworkattheexpenseofpeopleslives inordertokeepthemselvesbusysotheycanremainonthepayroll. Anothermajorpossibilityisthatsomebodyouttherewouldliketo create whats known in mind control research as an army of sleeper agents, each individual programmed to fulfill the agenda
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of The Powers That Be (TPTB) years down the line. The only problem with this theory is that to program thousands of individualswhoeffectivelyserveasaprogrammedarmymeans thatitsorganized,andtheprogrammersknowwhatthelongterm agendaactuallyis,andhowitwillallunfold.Itseemsfarfetched. The future holds too many unknown variables, and nothing ever goesasplanned,evenforthem. Sothemoremoderatetheory,whichsitsneatlyinthemiddle,is the concept of guinea pigs. Forever testing and experimenting on personnel and their families to refine mind control techniques so that later down the line, (meaning, right now, and beyond) when these techniques are needed as the agenda unfolds, they will alreadyknowthemostefficientmannerinwhichtogoaboutthings fromtheiryearsofresearchandwork.Thisisbasicallysayingthat somebody like my ex, and the fianc of the woman who emailed me,aswellashundredsoreventhousandsofothersoverthepast fewdecades,werejustdisposableguineapigs.Andthatcouldvery well be the case, since often times, it seems as if these people are tossedasideandforgottenaftertheyvebeenexperimentedon.

3. Targetingjuveniledelinquentsandinmates SeveralyearsagoIcameacrossanarticlethatInowfrequently reference in my mind controlrelated pieces, Operation Open Eyes: Mind Control in Amerika 5 Easy Steps to Create a Manchurian Candidate by Gunther Russbacher, who apparently used to be second highest in command in the CIA. http://www.rumormillnews.com/operation.htmInGuntherspiece, he outlines the governments process for selecting and programming societys throwaway kids and juvenile inmates to become Manchurian Candidates programmed sleeper agents designed to be used as assassins, criminals, and all around agent provocateurs.Thereasonthispiecejumpedoutatmewasbecause I recognized what I was reading as being my younger brothers situation, through and through. My brother Joe spent ages 14 through 17 locked up in various juvenile detention centers and
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mentalhospitalsinConnecticut,aftergoingonaconveniencestore robbingspreeattheageof14.TheJoethatemergedfromhistime in lock up was not the same one who went in. The old Joe was spacey and drifty, in his own world, and struggled in school. He had the criminal potential, obviously, or he wouldnt have been lockedupinthefirstplace,buthisskillscertainlywerenthoned byanymeans.TheNewJoewassomebodythatIconsidertobe a killing machine: proficient in hand to hand combat and not afraidtokill.ThisnewJoesawandnoticedeverything,andwhen he was out and about in public he was always on, ready to pounce.Healsohadinexplicableknowledgeofallthingsrelating to electronics even though hes never studied the subject a day in his life, was pulling straight As like it was nothing once he was mainstreamed back into public high school, displayed a split off multiplepersonanamedShawnHill(whichIgetintolateronin Part III) and now experienced abduction flashback memories, missing time, and was being followed and monitored by Them. Our long distance phone conversations were being listened in on, with the accompanying noise disturbance and they would apparently follow him around in cars and such. Something happenedtoJoewhilehewaslockedup,andwhenIreadGunther RussbacherspiecesomuchofitmatcheduptoJoessituationthatI now refer people to read it. Joe was later given assignments in theveinofagentprovocateurworkthingsIhadtotalkhimout of.Joewouldtellmewithglossyeyeswhathewassupposedtodo, for them, to prove that he was ready for the next level. It was exactly what Gunther outlines in his article, down to the smallest details.Aswithmyownsituationhowever,therewasnotjustone thing going on with Joe. In my opinion he was already an abductee,goingbacktochildhood,andwhateverhappenedtohim while in lockup was just one more layer of a multilayered situation.InJoescase,hesaidthatheconnectedupwithasecurity guard named Juan, at Vitam. It was Juan, a former Navy SEAL, who chose Joe and several other specially selected boys to take underhiswingandteachhandtohandcombat,andotherskills to on the side. And possibly Juan may have referred Joe on to
15
something higher, I dont know, because all of a sudden something became VERY interested in monitoring and keeping tabs on Joe once he was releasedand then interested in me, for beingsocloselyinvolvedwithhiminlifeashissister.Anditwas after he was released that he has abduction flash back memories, missing time, and also when he developed his splitoff alternate persona,Shawn Hill. So Juanseemsto beonepiece of thepuzzle anyway,althoughcertainlynottheonlyone.Butthisdoesseemto be a very real thing happening in Americas incarceration system, forbothyouthsandadults,andneedstobementioned.Ifyoudo the research, you will find articles and declassified government docspertainingtothissubject. ******
Onasidenote:Tyingthisbackintoitems1and2,manymany people are probably being taken and used, (see the section called Multiple Personalities vs. Multiple Personas for more on this) and out of all those people that are taken and tinkered with, probably only a small percentage will wind up being useful for theminthelongterm.Mostwillhavetobesiftedout,duetoany number of reasons which will cause them to fall to the wayside programming doesnt stick, or has damaged the psyche beyond what they can use, maybe their profile isnt right, and so on. So what happens to all the ones that are rejected, discarded, or who just got phased out over time? Well, theyre still out there in the world,livingtheirlives.Andtheyprobablyhaveafewobservant friends, family members or significant others who notice strange quirksaboutthem,whichinitiallymakenosenseunlesstheyre lucky enough to stumble across books or articles about mind control which describe these people and their situations to a T, allowing for the observant person to begin making some aha! connections.Unfortunatelythough,mostpeoplewontcrosspaths withmaterialaboutmindcontrolandabductions,somostofthese peoplesstoriesnevergotresolved.

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4. Themilitaryagainstthealiens Therearetwotypesofalien/militaryabductionsbeingreported: Onewherebothsidesareworkingtogether,andonewheretheyare atodds.Regardingthelatter,somemilitaryabducteesclaimtobe abducted by the aliens first, with the military spooks following closeontheirheels.Thistypeofabductionofteninvolvesmilitary personnelintenselyinterrogatingtheabducteeforanyinformation they may have regarding their alien abductors. The use of force, intimidation and threats are reported, with the interrogators beratingtheabducteeintorevealingwhattheyknow. Taking excerpts from several books that get into the MILABs phenomenon,weseethis:
After this confrontation the men in the lab coats and military man took her [Melinda] toan interrogationroom. She describedin detail howtheywalkedthroughhallswithvideocamerasonthewallsand metal doors. Inside this room was a table and chairs. Melinda was forcedtositonachairandonemaninalabcoatgaveherashotinthe arm and a strange drink. After this she felt high. She was very frightenedasshefeltoneofthemengraspheronthecheeks.Aman in a white lab coat stood behind her and a spotlight shone on her chair. A redhaired military officer asked her questions concerning her alleged alien experiences. Strangely, it appeared that they wanted information about UFO technology. He asked her, What have they askedyou?Tellmeabouttheirtechnology?Tellmeaboutthedrive system,thedrivemechanism?Youtellmeaboutwhattheytoldyou todo!Whatdidtheytellyou?Whatdidtheyaskyoutodo?Tellme, tellme,tellme.Youknowyouarenottheirs,youareours! Afterthesessionshewasbrainwashedbythesameperson.
MILABs:MilitaryMindControlandAlienAbductionsDr. HelmutLammerandMarionLammer,page140.

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It was sometime in the winter of 1993 when they went the farthest theydevergone.IlivedaloneinmyownapartmentonMilwaukees east side, when I had one of those waking dreams. But this time somethingwashighlydifferentandnotverydreamlikeatall.Infact,I waswideawakeinthemiddleofthenight,inaplacethatwasnotmy bedroom. Iwasinasmallofficewithalargepanewindows,andIknewthatthis place was located underground somewhere. There was vomitgreen painborderingtheroomwithapaleyelloworoffwhitepaintonthe mainpartofthecementblockwallsthatsurroundedme.Iwassitting in an armless chair, in front of desk where a man in his midthirties stood.Heworeawhiteshirtwithanavybluetie,andcloselycuthair. He was leaning over the desk glaring at me, pounding his fist and demanding at me, You have to tell us where they are! You got to helpusfindthem!Therewasaguardstandingdirectlytomyright whowasdressedinatypical,militarycamouflageuniform,holdinga rifle. Helpyou?Findwho?Itthenbegantosinkinthatsomethingwas trulywronghereandIexclaimed,Holdon,whereamI? Immediately following that statement one of them said, Oh, shes wakingup!ThensuddenlyIwasoutagain.
TheSecretWarHeidiHollis,page131

A third controversial topic avoided by many researchers focuses on military involvement with aliens and abductees. For Lisa, as is so oftenthecasewithabductees,thefirstmemoryofapossibleencounter withthemilitarysurfacedinadream. I was being interrogated by the military, she said, pushed and made to lie crouched on the ground. In the back were some trucks, andbesidethemwereguysinblackuniformsstandingwatchingme. Themenaskingquestionswereinregularmilitaryclothes.Theyheld medownwiththebuttsoftheirguns.Theytoldmetogivethemthe knowledgeandtheysaidatanycost.ItoldthemIdidntknowwhat theyweretalkingabout,andtheyjustrepeatedthemselves
TakenKarlaTurner,PhDpage75
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Intheseexamplesthereseemstobeacleardelineationbetween the aliens and the military. Neither group seemed to be working together, and the government interrogators were obviously out of theloopinregardstowhatwasgoingon.Theywerealwaysaday lateandadollarshort.Anotherfeatureistheantiquatedmethods of information extraction drugs, intimidation, threats, pounding on the desk and waving a gun around. But if these memories accurately represent what really happened, and these military factions truly had a need for interrogations to extract information, then itssafetosaythattheywerepretty bottom rung level based ontheirmethods. Ofcoursewhenitcomestothissubjectnothingiswhatitseems to be, and there could very well be a strong possibility of games, and reverse psychology going on here. When I read these interrogationscenariostheyalwaysstrikemeasbeingsogoofyand overthetop.Somethingseemswrongandoffaboutthem,andI wouldnt be surprised to learn that they were all another level of mindgamesbeingplayedontheabductees. Whenlookingatthisissuecloser,whatIvewonderedis: Does the military really believe that by holding a gun to an abductees head, screaming at them and threatening them that this will elicit coherent, calm, indepth answers about the aliens?Idontknowaboutanybodyelse,butIdprobablybea bitshakyandhavemymindgoblankifIfoundmyselfinthat typeofsituation.
Dotheyreallythink that a femaleabductee whos been flat on her back on an aliens examination table, being poked and prodded,isgoingtobeabletotellthemilitaryspookswhatsort ofUFOdrivetechnologythesealienspossess??Again,Idont know about anybody else, but even if I hadnt been flat on my backbeingexaminedIstillwouldntbeabletotellyouanything abouttheirpropulsiontechnology.Theaveragehuman,female ORmale,wouldneverunderstandthatsortofthing.
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Thentheresthefactthatmostalienabducteesdontremember theirabductions,period,unlessunderhypnosis.Andeventhen itstrickybusiness.Butthemilitaryexpectsthatthetargetwill remember these details while awake and with a gun to their head? So sure, maybe the military really is that stupidor maybe theseinterrogationscenariosarearuse. One purpose these interrogations serve is to reinforce and prove the idea that there really is a war between the aliens and certainfactionsoftheU.S.military.Butwhatifthereisnt?What if the military is in full collusion with them but doesnt want the public to realize this? How convenient would it be then to have abductees running around with memories which they were allowedtorememberprovingthatSee,themilitaryreallyisin the dark about the aliens. Theyre always a day late and a dollar short! They dont have a clue, but theyre working hard to get answers! Again, its all about that double reverse psychology mentioned in the opening introduction. So much of whats going on in the world of abductions requires multiple unravelings to untangle whats really happening here. Games within games within games. More researchers and abduction targets could benefitfromlearninghowtothinkinthismanner,scrutinizingand unravelingmaterialandnotjusttakingthingsatfacevalue. As an abductee I can say that its not common to have actual clear,coherentabductionmemories.Wereluckyifwereleftwith athreesecondsnippetflash,letalonesomethingascomplexasthe abovethreeexcerpts.Sothatsaystomethatmaybe,possibly,these women were allowed to remember these incidents, in the hopes that it would somehow make it out there and help prove the idea that the government really is at war with these beings. Because whenyoudotheresearch,therealstoryseemstobethatnotonlyis the U.S. government working with these beings, but they sold off the American public in exchange for technology and personal advancement.

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Trackingthealienabductee A subissue regarding the topic of the military taking alien abductees for interrogations is: In order to even chase down the abductee for interrogations, how did the military know that the alienabducteewastakenin the firstplace? That part is skipped over in the sources Ive read and is an actual plot hole of sorts. Maybenobodyactuallyknows,ortheyfeelitsalreadyimpliedand understood. The major possibility here is implants. Any alien abductee is going to have some sort of implant designed for monitoring and tracking them. So its possible the government has technological capabilitiestosniffouttheseimplants.Whatsort oftechnology couldbeusedbyeventhelowrungmilitaryfactionstolocateany abductee, anywhere on the planet? When I thought about this it took me all of about two seconds to come up with satellites, which is one decent, manmade technology thats been around sincethe1950s.Stillanotherpossibilityisthatthegovernmenthas developed their own technology to detect a disturbance in the grid,andsowhenUFOsandnonphysicalaliensarepoppingin and out of 3rd density, plucking people up and dumping people off,thenthemilitaryspooksaresuretofollowclosebehind.From there, its almost a given that the government/military abductors would in turn implant the abductee using their own implants for theirownmonitoringpurposes.Itbasicallybecomesatugofwar. The third possibility is that there is no war between the militaryandthealiens,whichmeansthatifbothsidesareactually workingtogetherthenitwouldbeknownwhenanyperson(inthe U.S.atleast)isabductedbyaliens.Sothatwouldnegatetheentire issue.

Hyperdimensional
Causes for abduction by hyperdimensional entities can be due toanyofthefollowing:
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An individuals particular energy frequency. Many people, due to who they are frequencywise/soulwise, gain the attention of stuffinotherrealms,forgoodorforbad.
Requesting to be abducted. The 30+ year alien and UFO campaigninthemediahasdoneanexcellentjobofindoctrinating thepublicwiththeimagesofaliensassomethingcool.Thereare New Age/proalienauthors and researchers pushing the ideathat thesebeings(whatevertheyare)aregood,sothereforeinvitethem into our lives to abduct us. And their readers often oblige and follow along. Big mistake. And in some cases it makes many of these people feel good, special to be one of the chosen ones selectedforabduction.
Genetics/familyline.Stuffalsoseemstohaveakeeninterestin particular genetic bloodlines. As noted by the late alien/MILAB researcher Karla Turner, in her book Taken, particular racial nationalities pop up again and again in abductee profiles. Irish/Celtic, and Native American are two biggies. I read an interestingtheoryonamessageboardastowhythebiginterestin those of Celtic and Native descent namely, take a look at what thesegroupsandtheirancestorswerelike.Backinthedaysofthe Romans, the Celts would go into battle wearing nothing but silt/clay in their hair and blue dye on their bodies called woad, whipped up into a crazed, trancelike frenzy, totally befuddling their enemies. It was as if they temporarily slipped out of 3rd densityandwentsomeplaceelseyoucouldsay.AndtheNative Americans as a whole can also be very much the warriors, and known for their shamanic, trancestate abilities. So something maybe has a big interest in these particular genetic bloodlines for their natural disassociative/ trance capabilities and ability to slip intootherrealms.
For myself, Im Irish, English, Hungarian, Italian and Scottish, andevenhaveasmidgeonofAsianapparently,viatheHungarian line. Irish and English are the dominating nationalities though. AndIvebeenindependentlytoldbytwoverypsychicwomenthat theres something going on with regards to my bloodline. One of them specifically noted that there was a convergence of bloodlineswithme,so,whoknows.
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Another theory I have about the cause for abductions is that whensomebodypopsupinthe3rddensitygridactingonbehalfof the light, the nonhuman entities, of which includes aliens, are probablyabletospotthis,andthenunfortunatelythesepeoplemay betakeninordertoreceivethesmackdown. Originally I had been tossing around a theory that every (souled, real) person out there is taken at some point during their childhoodandtaggedinsomeway,(implanted)thenreleased. Everybody.Inthesamewaythatafarmermonitorsandcontrolsits herd,thenegsandaliensandwhoknowswhatelsearemonitoring and attempting to control us. But then I realized that might be thinking too human, because an alien entity who can pass throughwallsandwhobouncesbackandforthbetweenthisrealm and others at will is an alien with the technological capability, or innateability,toscanthepopulationsfrequenciesforanysignofa disturbance. So this means at best, theyre probably relying on etheric implants and etheric scanning to track the population. I think possibly at this point that maybe its only the military black opswhouseanysortofphysicalimplantthatcanbedetectedinan Xrayorremovedfromthebody,butIcouldbemistaken.Itsjust theoriesImputtingoutthereforconsiderationatthispoint.
Detecting Abductions

Foreshadowing
Abductions are not completely unavoidable and undetectable. Andwhenyoubecomeadept at reading the clues surrounding an impending abduction then youll probably become very good at dodgingthem,aswellasnotsuccumbingtotheprogrammingthat comesaboutasaresult.TraditionalmaterialthatIvereaddoesnt putanemphasisonhowtospotandthusdodgeanimpending abduction.Forthatreason,thisisaveryusefulsubjecttogetinto:
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Number sightings/ear tones/synchronicities. Can be hyperdimensional precursors as well as postabduction markers. An abductee may begin noticing that during particular times, certain numbers will keeping popping up around them, or that theyll get ear tones/ringings, a spate of synchronicities, deja vus, and so on. Ear tones are often the result of monitoring. And number sightings, deja vus, synchs and so on can indicate hyperdimensionaltimelinemaneuvering/manipulation.Beingthat abductions are often hyperdimensional in nature, they leave markersintheirwakehappeningsthatseembeyond3rddensity. Iexpandonnumbersightingsandeartoneslateroninthiswrite up.
Urges to go lie down, sleep, or even drive somewhere. Feeling uncharacteristically tired out of nowhere with an urge to go lie downcanbeatipofftoanimpendingabductionifyouknowthat youre an abductee. More unusual and suspicious is the urge to drive someplace youd never normally go, with no logical explanationforwhyyouredoingthat.Igetintothisphenomenon a bit more in Parts II & III. Also getting the urge to take an unusual route when traveling, a lonely road late at night, etc. Thats why being aware and alert is so important, so we can question urges or ideas that we get, instead of just blindly respondingtothemlikepuppetsonastring!
Intuition/SixthSense.Somepeoplehaveanaturalpsychicability and a highly attuned third eye that can clue them in when somethingiswrong.Iveexperiencedthebadfeelingbeforean attempted abduction or when an entity was around in the area, lurkinginthewings.Soalwayspayattentiontoyourgutintuition if something feels off or wrong before going to bed, or in any situation.
Pets acting strange. Cats, dogs, horses, etc. have been known to exhibit out of character behavior when something unnatural is amiss.Manytimeswhenanentityhasbeenaroundinthevicinity my cat has been known to act wacky. Animals are highly telepathicandpsychiccatsespeciallyandhavetheabilitytosee thingsthathumanscannot.Soifyoureanabductee,payattention
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when and if your animal companion(s) exhibit strange and unusualbehavior.
Patternstoyourabductions.Discussedlateroninthispiece,but often times, especially for MILABS targets, their abductions seem torunonaschedule.Soifyouvediscoveredwhatyoursis,then beontheballduringthosetimesofthemonth.
After effects
Since abduction memories are zapped and/or naturally or artificiallycompartmentalized,youhavetolookforotherindicators afterthefactthatshowsomethinghashappened.Thefollowing listincludesafewofthemainsymptomstobeonthelookoutfor, andrunsthegambitfromphysicaltopsychological.Someofthese items will be familiar to those whove studied up on the subjectsome however will not. I havent seen some of these thingsmentionedanywhereelse,althoughtheyarecompiledfrom myownpersonalexperienceorfromotherabducteesexperiences: Heightenedpsychicabilities/psychicsurging.Readingmindsof those closest to you, knowing about things before they happen, premonitions, etc., but specifically when youre suddenly doing this all day long out of nowhere, and/or when it lasts for several days in a row. Can be the residualafter effects of being used for psychic/remote viewing work in the instance of MILABs. Could alsobethenaturalresidualsofabductionsingeneral.
Psychological agitation and stress. Feeling traumatized and stressed out, nerves on edge, being skittish and jumpy when nothinghashappenedthatyoureconsciouslyawareofthatcould explain the feelings. On a side note, if your pets are unusually skittish,jumpyoragitatedatthesametimeyoureexperiencingit aswell,thismeanssomething.Itmaynotalwaysbeinregardsto abductions,possiblyyou(andyourpets)arepsychicallytuningin to something else thats nonabduction related. But if you are an abductee,thenitssomethingtokeepinmind.
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Programmingurges.Coveredmoreindepthlateroninthiswrite up, but feeling urges to do things that are out of character. An urgetodrivesomewhereorgosomeplaceyouwouldntnormally visit, or engage in an action that is unlike your normal behavior. Can be indicative of posthypnotic, postabduction programming commands.
Personality shift. Feeling markedly different from your normal selffornologicalreason.
Being in a blank daze, stupor. Feeling like you could just lie aroundandstareatthewallsanddonothingforabnormallylong stretches of time, no motivation, creativity or will to doanything, with no reason for it. Repeatedly slipping into a trancelike state waytooeasilythroughouttheday.Thesecanallbesignsthatyou were recently in a deep trance and may not have fully emerged from it, and/or were drugged, programmed, or received electroshockprogramming.
Physicalailmentsandanomalies.Wakingupfeelingdrugged,or likeyouwererunoverbyatrainasIputit;havingpinkeye, nosebleeds, and pains in your body; anomalous bruises and geometric shaped markings, punctures, scoop marks, rashes, lumps, burns or scratches that werent there before you went to bed;ifyoureafemale,experiencingpainsinyouruterusareaand otherabnormalproblemswithyourreproductiveorgans.Thereis a section on my website that expands more in depth on these anomalous markings, and includes photos of some of my own marksforillustration:http://in2worlds.net/anomalousmarkings
Missingtime.Oneofthemostcommonlyknownindicators.
Strange dreams. Having strange and unusual dreams can be an indicatorofhavingbeentaken.Examineyourdreamsclosely,and iftheyoccurinconjunctionwithanyoftheindicatorsonthislist, thenitsdefinitelysuspect.
Reversed in bed. Little kids seem to experience this more than adults, but it seems something either has difficulty getting the coordinates right when putting somebody back in their bed, or theyredeliberatelyputtingpeoplebackintotheirbedsoutsidethe covers, and reversed in their bed. Related to this is when
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abducteeswakewiththeirclothesonbackwardsand/orinsideout, itemsofclothingmissingthattheywerewearingwhentheywent tosleep,orevenhavinggrassandmudontheirnightclothes,asif theyhadbeenoutside.
Waking up suddenly, gasping, as if just plunked back into your bed; Waking up with a cold body even if the room is warm, or feeling as if drugged, even though youre not sick and havent doneanythingtocreatethatfeeling;Wakingwithresidualimages ofaliensandothersuspiciousimagesinyourmind;Wakingup afterhavingonlysleptforseveralhoursbutfeelingasifyounever slept at all, full of clear headed energy, with no memories of dreams.(Thislastitemisadefinitelyanindicatorofbeingtakenif youre somebody who normally does dream, and/or feels groggy andtireduponwaking.) Number sightings/ear tones/synchronicities. Can be hyperdimensional precursors as well as postabduction markers. Ivegottennumbersightingsandearringingsbothbeforeandafter anabduction.
Things tampered with. Noticing that stuff around your apartment/house has been moved around or tampered with in someway,andyouknowthatyoudidntdoit;extramilesputon your car as if you were driving it even though you have no memoriesofdoingso.Ihaventexperiencedthecarthingluckily, but its been mentioned in other peoples writings so Im mentioningithere.
Methods for Taking the Abductee

There are several methods that Im aware of for taking an abductiontarget.Thefirsttwothatyoullseeinthefollowinglist seemtogetallthefocusattheexpenseoftheothertwowhichare actuallytheonesthatmaybemorecommonthanwerealize.Lets review:
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Smash and Grab
PrettymuchtheonlymethodIveseenmentionedwithregards to MILABs but which I know is not the only one is what Ive nicknamed the smash and grab method. This is where, according to the research, military special forces type personnel burst silently into your home, guns drawn, and stealthily make their way over and grab you. From there, they haul you outside andtossyouintoanawaitingvan,thendrivetoahelicopterandfly tothebase,orjustdrivedirectlytothebaseitself. Itseemslikealotofwork,butyet,thatspracticallyallweever hear.ForthepastseveralyearsIscoffedatthisidea,onlybecause tome,itseemedratherantiquated.LaterIdideventuallyrecallmy own possible smash and grab memory from 1994, which confirmedthatmaybethisdoeshappen,butmoreonthatinPartII.

Drive to them
Another snagging method Ive discovered entails getting the abducteetocometothem,oratleast,asclosetothemastheycan get.Theabducteesuddenlyexperiencesanurgetotakeatripto some place on a whim that just so happens to be located near a base. Now that the target is in such close proximity to them, possiblythetargetsgets asmash and grab visit. Itssomethingto keepinmindifyoureanabductee,andagoodreasontopayclose attention to all your thoughts, urges and ideas, which I reiterate several times throughout this write up. Its because they may not beyourown.

Beam me up, Scotty.
ThemostinterestingmethodoftakingaMILABistheonewere not hearing about. Its the one involving Beam me up, Scotty technology.Maybeabducteesjustarentawareofit,orpossiblyits deliberatelybeingsuppressed.ButIbelieveitexistsandthatitsin use, and its one way in which I, and my brother, (back when he
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was still alive) have been taken. I do have one experience that occurred in Portland Oregon in 2001/02, which seems to illustrate the existence of this technology. And a few times while living in FloridaIhadtheroundaboutindicatorsofhavingarrivedsuddenly backintomybed. Beam me up technology wouldnt work in the sense of breaking somebody down to the molecular level and then moving those molecules to another location. When I thought about it several years ago I came up with a (very basic) scenario that seems to better represent how this technology might actually operate.Andkeepinmindthatthisiscomingfromapersonwith absolutelynoscienceorphysicsbackground,so,Imnotprofessing to understand it on a complicated level. ! But possibly what happensistheytuneintoyourbodyandchangeyourfrequency, shiftingyoutoafrequencythatmatchesthereceivingend,allowing youtoslipthroughadoorwayorportal,andemergeontheother side. How that portal is created is in itself a whole side topic, implyingsomeniftyhightechquantumphysicscapabilities.Ihad an intuitive insight/image in my mind that accompanied this realization, which I doodled on a notebook at the time, showing portalsinrealmsliningupenablingthepersontoslipthrough. So possibly its all about frequency adjustment, like changing the radiodial.Thedialhastobechangediftheyregoingtopullyouto them.
Soul subtle body abductions
Growingup,theonlytypeofabductionIdeverheardofwere physical examinations taking place onboard a UFO. Later on, it wasphysicalsmashandgrabstylemilitaryabductions.Onlyat the age of 27 did I hear for the first time about something called soul abductions, where your subtle body/astral essence is removed from your body and brought to another realm. From there,ethericimplantscanbeattached,programmingcanbedone, andsoon.AtfirstitsoundedsofarfetchedthatIwasimmediately skeptical, like, yeah, right, sure. How to you implant and
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program energy?? Eventually I had to consider the possibility once I began experiencing more overt abduction harassment that involvedmeclearlybeingpulledoutofmybody,(discussedinPart II).AndthenIeventuallydidcomeacrosssomebettermaterialon the subject, namely the work of the late Karla Turner, who talked about aliens plucking peoples energy essences, transferring them to cloned bodies, and so on. So, while people very well may be taken onboard a UFO during an abduction, soul/subtle body abductions seem to be a very real concept as well, but you wont find reference to it in most sources. Having knowledge of this mode of abductions may fill in some holes for people out there who know that theyre being taken, but yet, know that their experiences do not fit in with the standard UFO lore as weve beentaught.Imalsowonderingiftheadvancedhumanblackops factionshavefiguredouthowtodothis,beingthattheyseemtobe involvedinsomeother,reallyfaroutstuff.
Implants
I believe that every abductee is implanted. It goes with the territory, so its a useful subject to look into. But admittedly, I know next to nothing about the subject, other than there are both physical and etheric implants, and that they serve a variety of purposes. Some of those purposes include: monitoring the abductee, influencing or controlling their behavior/actions, implanting thoughts into their minds which are not their own, and/or even creating the voices in the head phenomenon, and affecting a persons energy/chakras in order to impact their health oreventheirpsychicabilities. Other than that,Im notmuch of a help.AllIcandoreferpeopletosomestartersourcesthatseemto havesomethingusefulandinsightfultosayaboutitall. AswithanymaterialthatIrecommend,itdoesntmeanIagree 100% with whats being said, or the way in which an author may writeorpresenttheirmaterial,oreventhatIsupporttheirviewson other things they write about. It just means there was enough of
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something interesting and informative that it was worth passing along. The works that I mention here represent what I felt was a nice sampling on the topic, from very different people who tackle thesubjectintheirownuniqueways,butwhoallhavethecommon goal of educating the public about whats happening. But as always,thereaderneedstodiscernforthemselves. On a side note as with all things relating to MILABs, were probablygoingtohaveverylittlecurrentandaccurateinformation onthecuttingedgetechnologybeingemployedwithimplants.So when you embark on implant technology research, keep that in mindyoumaybegettingoutdated,decadesoldinformation.

Microchip Implants, Mind Control and Cybernetics by RauniLeena LuukanenKilde,MD.
http://educateyourself.org/mc/implantsmcandcybernetics06dec00.shtml
Implants:LocationsProblemsSolutionsbyLillyOchescu
Personalized article written by a female abductee regarding both physicalandethericimplantwarfare.
http://educateyourself.org/ww/implantsAlocation04may06.shtml
RogerLeir:http://www.alienscalpel.com/main.htm
Site devoted to investigating and removing alien implants. Includessurgeryphotosofimplantremoval.
Casebook:AlienImplantsbyWhitleyStrieber Book that investigates implants which have been removed from abductees.Includesphotos.
CloseEncountersofthePossessionKindDr.WilliamBaldwin.
Interesting book that delves into the phenomenon of alien entity attachments, and their etheric implants and techno gadgets that they attach to their abduction target. A good book for those who believe themselvestobeanabductee,buthadntrealizedthiscomponentofit all.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0929915224/qid=1151184587/sr=1 1/ref=sr_1_1/10346174251547042?s=books&v=glance&n=283155
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Mind Control Programming
InthissectionIwillreviewthebasicmethodsforprogrammingand compartmentalizingatarget

Trauma-based mind control
Once we know whos getting targeted, and by whom, and the possiblewhys,wehavetolookathowprogrammingofasubjectis accomplished.Thereareenough(nowoutdated)materialsfloating about in the world which amply cover the subject of the governments secret mind control programs over the past few decades,soIwontretreadoverawellwornarea.ButIdowantto provideaverybriefoverviewintowhatgovernment/traumabased mindcontrolisforthosewhoarenewtothetopic,takenfrommy website:
The premise of government/occult based mind control is to compartmentalize the brain, and then use techniques to access the differentsectionsofthebrainwhilethesubjectishypnotized.Entire systems can be embedded into a persons mind, each with its own theme, access codes and trigger words. Some of the most common and popular symbols/themes in use seem to be the Wizard of Oz, AliceinWonderland,mirrors,porcelain/harlequinmasks,rainbows, butterflies, owls, keys, clocks, carousels, castles, willow trees, tornados,spiralsandhelixes,hallways,doors,elevatorsandstairs. Numbers, colors and music are also heavily used for additional programming and accessing specific compartments of the brain, and arejustasimportant.
Programming centers around the concept of inverted reality and illusion, where up is down, black is white, pain is pleasure, and reality and dreams are blurred and nothing is what it appears to be. Wordplayandpunsalsofactorinheavily,astheyengageareasofthe brainthatareusedduringprogramming.
A mind splitting into alternate personas usually occurs when the victim is subjected to repetitive abuse and horrors it cant cope with. The mind fractures into compartments designed to house the
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traumas that the main personality cant handle. These alternate personascanbebroughttotheforefrontofthemindwhenneededto take on whatever trauma is happening. The abuse can happen to a person (usually child) in the every day real world, (usually at the hands of abusive parents and caretakers). However, a naturally fracturedmindcanbeaverymessything,especiallywhenitoccursas aninadvertentcopingreflex.Theresnoorganizationbehindit,and thepersonwillusuallyhaveaheftydoseofmentalissuestogoalong with it, preventing them from being a fully functioning member of society.Theyreunpredictable,andthemindisamess.
On the other hand, there are certain Powers That Be who have perfected the technique of artificially splitting and programming peoples minds through the use of drugs, hypnosis, technology and electroshock. In this case, the targets are abduction victims, military personnel (and their families) used for experimentation, societys throwawaykidspluckedfromjailsanddetentioncenters,Hollyweird performers,etc.,amongthevariouspeopleandgroupsused.Amind thathasbeensplitthroughorganized,purposefulmeansbythosewith theskillsisonethatisneatandtidy.Inthesecases,theartificially split mind runs exactly like a computer program, complete with its ownthemes,triggercodesandaccesswords.Itcanbeturnedonand off like a switch, and the programmer/handler has complete control overwhatthesystemthemesandtriggerwordswillbe.Thealternate persona wont emerge unless the trigger word/song/phrase is given. The victim is fully functional in society and wont even know they havethisaspectofthemselvesburiedwithintheirsubconscious.For all intents and purposes, they are the perfect agent. Theres little, if any,messypsychologicalissuestothrowawrenchintheworks,and minimal chance of the alternate being triggered and activated when itsnotneeded.
Inadditiontoalloftheabove,mindcontrolprogrammingwill oftentimesinvolveinstillingrepetitivecommandsintothetargets mind, with reinforcement of the commands. And as overly simplisticasthemethodsounds,itsactuallyprettyeffective.Any hypnotistknowsandcandemonstratethepowerofaposthypnotic suggestion, so imagine that in conjunction with drugs and even electroshock reinforcement. However, this type of programming doesnt have to be done only in person, apparently. In Part II I
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mentionmyowninstancesofwakingupandcatchingtheminthe actofinstillingrepetitiveprogramminginmymindwhileIslept, taking advantage of my suggestible sleep state via implants or beamingtechnology,mostlikely. When you do the research, youll come across a LOT of references to traumabased mind control in the older generation. When reading books on the subject as well as perusing message board threads, Ive noticed a proliferation of people who were being taken and programmed this way as kids back in the 1950s and 60s. Parents selling their kids to government programs thinkingtheywerebeingpatriotic,storiesofbeingherdedoutof school in the middle of the day and put on busses to be taken to secretprogrammingfacilities,kidswhowereabusedthroughtheir churches and high up Illuminati circles, people who claim to havebeenprogrammedbyJosefMengelehimself,akaDr.Green and so on. Really eye opening, shocking stuff. Youll also see a LOTofmentionofProjectMonarchthis,andProjectMonarch that.Monarchisabiggiebutitsalsogoingtobeoutdated,keep in mind. We need to find out how theyre doing their operations now,inthepresent.Whilesomegroups/factionsmaystillbeusing the old fashioned, Project Paperclip/Nazi holdover style of handsontrauma programming, keepinmind that technology has comealongwayinthepast3040years,andhasprobablyreplaced muchoftheoldmethods.Somyrecommendationistobecautious of getting wrapped up in outdated material (which will also be emotionallystressfultoreadforanybodywithevenhalfaheart)at the expense of moving forward and being uptodate on current methods. Thentherestheissueofdeprogramming.Idonteventouchon thatinthisbook,becausehonestlyIknownothingaboutit,andits a huge subject thats better left to people who know what theyre talkingabout.Istillhaveyettogounderhypnosistotrytoretrieve my own abduction memories, let alone even begin an attempt at reversinganythingthatsbeendone.Imnotentirelysurethatone can be fully deprogrammed and patched back up. An attempt at something like that would require enormous amounts of time, moneyandenergywithaskilledhypnotherapistwhoswellversed
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innavigatingthroughcompartmentalizedsystemsandalters.Not tosoundpessimisticbut,goodluckthere.Itsnotexactlylikeyou can find someone like that by flipping open your local Yellow Pages. So my belief is that if somebody would like to get started right now, for free, making some sort of progress on themselves, thenstartfirstbyremovingsourcesoftriggeringfromyourlife, beittoxicsituationsandpeople(orinfluencers,coveredlateron in this write up), the media, (which is a BIG avenue of triggering) etc.Thosearetwoimportantbiggiesrightthere.Andthenworkat becoming alert and aware of all thoughts, ideas, and urges. Questionandanalyzeeverythingyouthinkordoinordertomake sureyourenotactingonprogramming.Themoreyoudothis,the more you strengthen your mind, and the more control you gain overyourself.

Screen memories
Theres another notable aspect to the military abduction phenomenon: using aliens as a screen memory to cover their actions. This seems to be a big one thats heavily in use, and Ive come across talk of an increase in rogue military units abducting people, programming/abusing them, then using alien screens to mask the activity. If the military black ops want to snag you but theydontwantyoutorememberanythingthatmightincriminate them, then using an alien screen is perfect cover. Some people actually enjoy the idea of being taken by aliens, and so if they believetheyrebeingtakenbytheGrays,thentheymaywillingly allow it to happen again and again and put up no resistance to being abductednot realizing of course, that theyre actually beingtakenandprogrammedbyhumans.Forothersitstheexact opposite the idea of coming forward and admitting to anybody that they were possibly taken by space aliens is so humiliating and unacceptable that they will just keep quiet. Its alien screen memoriesasbuiltinnotalkinsurance. This whole subject can get a little screwy, because a screen memorycouldbeanyofthefollowing:
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Amilitaryabductionusingaliensasascreenmemory; Analienabductionusingthemilitaryasascreenmemory;
Andevennuttierpossibilities:
Themilitaryusingascreenmemoryofthealienspretending to use a military screen (so it looks as if aliens are framing themilitary) The aliens using a screen of the military pretending to use analienscreen.(!) Oh, the confusion. ! Its wild stuff, but, rumor has it, this wackydoublereversewhateveryoucallitgoeson.Thisiswhy werechasingphantomssooften.Itsasituationofstufftricking peopleintobelievingtheyhadexperiencesthattheydidntwhich then can lead to abductees going out into the world to propagate what they believe they know to be true about their situation, and then promote the things they were told or shown during their abductions. Its in my opinion that this is actually a big part of whats going on with regards to the proalien authors and channelers out there in the world. I dont think their experiences arealwayswhattheydliketobelievetheyare. IvehadmyownexperiencewithwhatseemstobeGrayalien screen memories following my first ever consciously realized abduction in October, 2001, coming up in Part II. The images of Grayalienfaceswerelikeliteral wallpaper in my mindseye, and everytimeIclosedmyeyesIwasinundatedwithimagesofGrays from all angles. This phenomenon lasted for several days before finallytricklingoff. Iknewsomethinghad happened andthat Id obviously been abducted, but something felt off and wrong about these nonstop images. It seemed forced. Like something desperately wanted me to believe that Id been taken by Gray aliens.Theyweretryingtoohard,andintheiroverzealousnessto get me to see Grays, they overshot it and only wound up making mesuspicious.Whichleadsto
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Overzealous programming attempts
SometimesIveencounteredprogrammingattemptsthatleftme shaking my head, like, Did they actually think I would fall for that?!Wow.ButthenIhadtorealizethatthereasontheydidit wasbecauseitdoesapparentlyworkonothers. The modes of operation of humans in abductions often times reminds me of the way neg entities operate. neg entities have a formulaic blue print that they go by, using the same tactics on everybodyacrosstheboard.Theylackcreativecapabilities,andso dontvarytheirattack/harassmentstrategiestocustomfityou,the freethinkingindividualwithacomplexpersonality.Inoticedthis on myownregardingneg entities,and later readconfirmationfor this in the highly recommended book Practical Psychic Self DefensebyRobertBruce.Andthesamemodeofoperationoften times goes for humans/hybrids in military/black ops abductionssurprisingly. MyaforementionedGrayscreenmemoriesthatwentoverboard to the point of ridiculousness are probably typical of how they attempt to brainwash a subject to have images in their mind that willreinforceparticularideas. Severaldaysafteranotherabductionin2002,whichIllexpand oninPartII,Idiscoveredapainlesslumponthebaseofmyskull;I unconsciouslywenthuntingforit,myfingerssearchingundermy hair until I found it. And when I did, I had the very loud and immediate commanding thought that ITS JUST A SPIDER BITE,accompaniedbyaverylargeandsuddenimageinmymind ofablackandyelloworbspider.!Talkaboutobvious.Hello.But again, the reason they did that is because it means it does workon other people. People, somewhere, are obviously just believing what theyre being programmed to believe. Theyre lackingthealertnessandstrongconsciousmindsetrequiredtostop andnoticeandquestionthings.Oh,okay,yeah,huh,spiderbite, okayandtheyreofftothenextthing,inadazedstupor. Ivealsowokenuptocatchthemintheactofprogrammingme withnegativethoughtpatterns,alsooutlinedinPartII.Thiscanbe
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accomplishedviaimplantand/ormicrowavetechnology.So,beon the lookout for their overzealous programming attempts. Theyre not as all powerful as one might imagine them to be if theyre blatantly getting caught like that. So keep your mind alert, and question everything. Get in the habit of scrutinizing and questioning, if you dont already. They dont like aware, alert people,becauseanawarealertpersonisonewithhigherinstances offailedprogrammingattempts,andwhocanevenwakeupinthe middle of programming, as well as consciously overriding programmedurges.Sobethatperson.Itispossible.
Blocking and Erasing Memories

In the case of MILABs, the research is showing that drugs, hypnosisandelectroshockarethecommonmodesofoperationnot onlyforprogramming,butforwipingouttheabducteesmemories of the event. However, memories do manage to make it through despite that. In my own experience theres what I call memory surging, which I havent read about anywhere so far. Its where you know that something has happened, and the memory repeatedly tries to surge forth, but it cant fully come out due to blocking techniques that keep things compartmentalized and under the surface. Still other times, bits and pieces of memory flashesdomanagetoleakthrough. Lets start first with an overview of drugs, electroshock and hypnosisineliminatingmemories,andtheirprosandcons:
Drugs.FromFritzSpringmeiersTheIlluminatiFormulaforCreating a Totally Undetectable Mind Control Slave The CIA/Illuminati programmingcentershavemorethan600700differentdrugsattheir disposal...theycanmakeapersonfeellikeheisinheaven,orburning in hell. The drugs are at times used with elaborate light, sound and motionshowsthatproducewhatevereffecttheprogrammerwantsto produce.Theycanmakeapersonbelieveheisshrinking,orthatheis double(withmirrors)orthatheisdyingFritzgoesontonamea comprehensive list of drugs that are supposedly in use, notes that
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there are new synthetic versions now available for some, and also mentionsthatCannabis,akaMarijuana,isnotusedmuchinMonarch ProgrammingbecauseitIMPEDESmindcontrol.Interesting.
Theconsofdruguseinprogrammingandmemoryerasingisthatan abductee who is put back into the real world may have residual after effects of drug usage, which would clue the target in that something has happened to them. Not good, or practical, if the abducteeneedstoworkandfunctionintherealworldand/orifthey intendtokeepthesituationascovertaspossible.InPartIIIrecount how the residual drug leftovers seems to have happened with me onatleastoneoccasion.
Electroshock. Again, from Fritz : Stun guns, staffs with hidden electriccattleprods,andcattleprodsarefrequentlyusedontheslaves. Electroshockisusedtocreatethedissociationfromtraumaduringthe programming,andlateritisusedtoremovememoriesaftertheslave hascarriedoutamission,ortoinstillfearandobedienceinareluctant slave.Aslaveoftenshowselectroshockmarksontheirfeet,orback, orbuttockorlegsaftertheyhavebeenused.Anownerofaslavewill ordinarily carry a stun gun. This is perhaps a 120,000 DC volt stun gun to erase & compartmentalize memories, but some of the stun guns go up to 200,000 volts DC .After giving programming instructionstheywillusuallygiveahighvoltageshocktothebase of the skull to imbed the instructions deep in the subconscious. They often use hypnotic cues along with the shockThe shock destroysandscramblesthememorywhichisstillstoredintheshort term memory section of the brain. They must shock the person within24hours,toinsurethattheshorttermmemorydoesntgetinto thelongtermmemoryasacoherentmemory
I bolded that last part in light of my own aforementioned post abductionsituation where I was ina blank stuporfor a whole week, leftwithalumponthebaseofmyskull,andhowwhenItouchedit,I immediately had the very loud instruction/cue of ITS JUST A SPIDER BITE!!! complete with an image of a black and yellow orb spiderinmymind.Sothismatchesuptowhathessaying.Hegoes ontodescribeonewaythattheseelectroshockprodmarkscanappear onthebody:Thebruiseonthebuttockswillbeblackandbluespots about1 diametereach. Ifoundall of this interesting because of my own anomalous circular, deep purple colored bruises that have
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periodicallyappearedon(hidden)areasofmylegs,usuallyfollowing asuspectedabduction.MybruisesarealittlesmallerthanwhatFritz describesthough.Ononeoccasion,oneofthemwascoincidentally surroundedbyhighlysensitiveleghairstubblethatwaspainfultothe touchandstickingstraightout.Theotherlegstubblewasnormal.
The cons of subjecting a target to repetitive electroshock treatment is poormemoryfunction.ThiswasmentionedintheCarlaEmerybook, Secret, Dont Tell. A person will become terrible with names, datesandsoonduetotheirbrainbecomingfried,whichmaynotbe advantageous over the long haul depending on what the abduction targetisbeingusedfor.WhenIhadalumponthebaseofmyskull with the accompanying programming command, I was in a mental stupor at the time, lying around all week staring at the wall, not eating, not showering. Normally my mind is really sharp, so if that wasindeedtheaftereffectsofsomesortofelectroshockprogramming thenIcanonlyimaginewhatitwoulddotosomeoneexperiencingit on a regular basis. Ive met several abductees and/or suspected abducteesinlifewhowereadmittedlyterriblewithnames,datesand overall detail recollection. So this is a big side effect indicator to lookfor.
Hypnosis.Hypnosisisaveryconvenientwaytoinstillprogramming into somebodys mind, requiring trigger codes to access the blocked offareasbutitmaynotbethebestwaytoensuretotaleliminationof the programming session memory. As mentioned in Carla Emerys Secret, Dont Tell, unless the programmer covers all bases, every time,theyareboundtoslipupsoonerorlater,allowingformemories to get past the target. For that reason, drugs and electroshock are added to the mix with a military abductee, and possibly the joint military/alienendeavors,toensurepropercompartmentalization.
Itkindofsurprisedmetoread(andhavepersonalevidencefor the fact) that they would have to resort to good old fashioned drugs, zapping and commands considering the advanced technologyattheirdisposal.Iwouldhavethoughtthattheywould have devised more sophisticated methods. But I guess if its aint broke,thendontfixit.

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Memory surging
As mentioned earlier, theres the phenomenon of what I call memory surging. This is when the memory of an abduction event is trying desperately to break through to the surface of the conscious mind, but feels as if its repeatedly running into a roof or ceiling. The knowledge of the event is there, and it nearly comes throughyou can even get a feeling around it, manufactured positive, or outright negativebut its impossible toaccess.Iveexperiencedthisontwoparticularoccasions,andit creates quite a maddening feeling. Im not sure what causes surging,versusmemoriesbeingcompletelywipedoutwithouta trace. Possibly its the technique being used maybe certain techniquesformemoryerasingaremoreeffectivethanothers,and havedifferentresults. In other cases, actual memory flashes do manage to pop through, not triggered by anything in particular only to immediately disappear back under the surface again. This is a phenomenon Ive experienced a couple of times and have heard other abductees describe it. And these memories may spontaneouslypopbackuptothesurfaceyetagainatalatertime, remindingyouthatHey!....youhadthismemorybefore,butlostit! Itsjustamazingtoseetheeffectsofprogrammingatworklikethat, andthetugofwarstrugglegoingoninthebrain.Mysuggestionis tocarryalittlenotebookandpenwithyouwhereveryougoincase youexperiencespontaneousmemoryrecall,thiswayyoucanjotit down before its lost againwhich it usually will be. You may find,likeIdid,thatyouhavestrongprogramminginstilledtodeter youfromfocusingonthefactthatyourehavingthisrecollection but this can be conquered. Once youre aware that youre occasionally remembering randomflashes, but have programming instilled telling you to ignore them, then its just a matter of combatingitbyhoningyourawarenessandmentalalertness. And then Ive had my own actual abduction memory flashes that emerged due to something triggering the recall, which is detailed in Part II. How can this happen, how would a memory
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makeitpasttheerasingprocess?Well,whatIvenoticedisthatin most of my memory flashes, what defined these flashes was that something very specific was attracting my total focused and curious/frightenedinterest,independentoftheirdirection.And maybethatpulledmebackupintoconsciousawarenessduringthe abduction just long enough to make an indelible stamp onto my brain that even the erasing techniques couldnt later eliminate? Imnotsure,itsjustatheory.

Dreams, reality context and the assemblage point
An interesting concept relating to abduction memory loss that ties into metaphysics, and may be something that occurs during MILABs/alien abductions, is whats known as shifting the assemblagepoint.Theassemblagepoint,astaughtbythosewho practicetheToltecpath,iswhereournormalawarenessliesduring oureverydaylives.Throughourlifelongexperiences,asdictated by our parents, peers, school and society as a whole, we become locked into a particular set view of reality known as our assemblagepoint.Itsthereasonwearentusuallyableto seethe other realms, or why some children start out being able to see spiritsandauras,andovertime,losethatability.Wegetsquelched downandstifled,discouragedandpushedintoaboxthatlocksus into a set way of seeing and viewing reality. When we dream however, our assemblage point naturally shifts slightly, enabling some of the strange nocturnal experiences that many people experience. A Toltec warrior, through the help of a nagual (similartoashaman)practicesbeingabletoshifttheirassemblage point at will while they are awake to be able to access those other realms that are not normally available to us. Theres one catchthough,asnotedbyauthorCarlosCastanedawhenshifting back into the normal assemblage point position, the memories of everythingthatwasdone,saidorexperiencedwhileinthealtered assemblage point position state is forgotten! Only when shifting theassemblagepointbackagaincanthosememoriesbeaccessed. And then it becomes a situation of How could I have forgotten
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everythingIdidthelasttimeIwashere!Carlosexperiencedthat amnesiaphenomenonandmentionsitinseveralofhisbooks. Does this sound familiar? Sounds very much like the compartmentalized mind phenomenon. So possibly another aspect of whats happening when an abductee is taken during an alien/MILABs encounters involves a natural shifting of the assemblage point. If abductors are taking targets to bases or locations that are straddling different densities or realms, putting theabducteeintoanalteredstateofawarenessandconsciousness, then those targets may very well experience a natural shifting of their assemblage point, which would further help to compartmentalizetheirmemoriesandexperiences. I tend to actually think this may be a big part of whats happening,andmyboyfriendTom,alifelongabductee,remembers experiencingthisasayoungchild.Atthestartofhisabductionshe wouldbeconfusedastowhatwashappening,butassoonasthings would begin kicking in, all the previous memories would come floodingbacktothesurface,leavinghimwiththefeelingofIcant believe that I forgot! Each and every time this would happen. Kindoflikethat otherrealityisputonholdwhile hewasback in therealworld.ItsidenticaltowhatCarlosCastanedadescribes whenrememberinghiscompartmentalizedexperienceswhileinhis variousassemblagepointpositions. If the concept of assemblage points is too weird for you then think of it this way when dreaming, how often are you able to becomelucidandhavefullconsciousawarenessofyourwaking self and realize that you are currently in a dream? Probably not thatoften,ifyourelikemostpeople.Peopleusuallyhavecomplete amnesia regarding their waking lives when sleeping. We become soabsorbedinourdreamsthatourwakinglifeandeverythingwe do in it and everything we believe we are as people no longer exists. Poofgone. Or even weirder, some dream realities are so realthatitsdifficulttoshakethemoffwhenwakingandinserting ourselvesbackintothisrealworld.! Soitslikebeingintworealities,literally,completelyseparated and compartmentalized from each other. Some sort of naturally
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induced amnesiabarrier. Onarelated note is the phenomenon of recalling dreams weeks months maybe even a year after havingthem,whichmeansthatthememoryofthedreamhasbeen inyourbraintheentiretime,butnotaccesseduntiltherighttrigger pulleditup.So,thisisanotherwaythatnaturalabductionrelated compartmentalizationandmemorylosscanbelookedat.
Residual Talents and Abilities

Something I began noticing about myself in my early twenties was my unusual, to the point of being freakish, lightning fast reflexes.Idontrecallhavingthoseabilitiesasakid,butIsurehad themnow.Itbecameevidentduringoneparticularincidentat21, whileIwasroommateswithagroupoffriendswhowereinmylife for several years. We were all in the kitchen, and I turned and accidentallyknockedatallglassoffthecounterwithmyleftelbow. Isawithappenoutofthecornerofmyeye,butbeforeIevenknew whatIwasdoingIswoopedmyrighthandbehindmybackand caughttheglassinmidairbehindmewithoutlooking.Itwasone smoothandcontinuousmove,fromknockingtocatching,andIhad nocontroloverdoingit.Myarmsandhandshadamindoftheir own. The room became silent, and I looked up with the glass in my handtoseethreeofmyroommatesjuststaringatmewithlooksof shocked puzzlement. I put it back on the counter, and one of the guys, Mike, said Wow. Thats all anybody could say. Conversationresumedalittlenervously. AndthatwasmyintroductionintoaskillIhaveabsolutelyno controlover,whichhasledmetoquestionmyotherunusualskills andabilities.IntheoriginalwritingofthisbookIleftthissection out,butnowIfeelthatwasamistake.Itsinmytheorythatpeople who are being taken and programmed, whose brains are being effectively rewired, are going to find themselves with some unusual residual talents and special enhanced abilities that normal people dont have. And this needs to be mentioned,
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because it can be another marker that confirms something funny going on under the radar of our normal waking reality. So to illustrate, Ill list a sampling of my own abilities, and maybe the readerwillbeabletorelateinsomeway:
Lightning fast reflexes,as mentioned above. Most notably is the fact that I have no control over it. I cant override it. Something drops, and my hands, fingers and arms are automatically doing what they need to do to position themselves to catchor right the object in question, and I only realizewhatshappenedafteritssaidanddone.Ihappento be right handed, but this goes for BOTH hands, left included, which is interesting. Complete ambidextrousness in that regard. Something that reinforced to me that this skill is indeed indicative of stuff was the movie V For Vendetta. The main character V, who happens to have unusual blood properties (unusual bloodline) is the target of a governmentsponsored experimentation program which results in him developing a new alter ego and some pretty impressive skills including heightened intellectual capabilities,andlightningfastreflexes.
Onaminorrelatednoteisthatsomewherealongthelineinlife I became ambidextrous. To the point where when I was waitressingatoneparticularjob,mybosswaswatchingmein action and said Oh! Youre a lefty! pleased to find a fellow southpaw.Ilookedathimlikehewasnuts.Sorry,Imright handed. He promptly disagreed, and pointed out that I was workinglefthanded.AnothertimeIwasplayingMs.PacMan at a Laundromat and was intensely playing along, and doing very welluntil I looked down and noticed that I had been workingthejoysticklefthandedthewholetime.Itfeltlikemy righttome,therewasnodifference.ButthesecondIbecame consciousofitIwasntabletodoitanymoreandgoteatenbya ghost.:D
Verypsychic.Havedemonstratedallofthefollowingatsome point in my life: telepathy with both humans and animals, precognition/premonitions, clairvoyance, remote viewing,
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telekinesisbyaccidentonceortwice,andsomeprettyextreme reality manipulation/creation skills, as well as just overall knowing/sensing whats coming up down the pike in life so theresnosurprises.
Audio recognition. Can recognize a song within sometimes one note, backwards as well even. Won a radio contest at 13 forbeingabletorecognizetwonotesplayedbackwardsofthe 60s song, I Cant Help Myself. (The Four Tops.) I was the onlyonewhocalledin.Nobodyelserecognizedit.Notsureif thismeansanything,butmaybeworthmentioning.
Unusually good memory. The ability more so when I was younger though to remember names, dates, birthdays, addresses, drivers license/plate numbers/vehicle info., and all manner of data and trivia and life happenings in general, including conversations. It really did stand out amongst the peopleIwasaround,andbecameknownatoneparticularjobI temped at in 97 as a file clerk. There were over 30 cabinet drawers with over a 100 files per drawer, as well as various To Be Filed baskets, and files strewn on peoples desks and everywhere. But it soon became known that if you couldnt findafileinthedrawer,justaskmeIllknowwhereitisoff the top off my head. Its in the basketon soandsos deskontopofthecabinetThepsychologistswouldcome up to me and toss out a patients name, skeptical that I could possiblyknowandIalwaysdid.Soontheycametoexpectit asagiven.;)
ThisisalsowhyIwassuchagreatmemorizeandregurgitate robotmachineinschool.InhighschoolIdwaituntilthelast day before a test sometimes within only hours before and then learn the entire two weeks lessonand get an A or B. DidntpayattentiontoBiologyclassallofsecondsemesterin 10thgradeinConnecticut,andlearnedallfivemonthsmaterial intwodaysandgotthehighestscoreintheclassonthefinal. Shocked even me. Took tests on books I never readand passed. Id recall details about the books that I heard during class discussionin the background, while I did other more
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important things like read my own books that I wanted to read.;)
Andtherewasonefreakincidentthatoccurredin1997whenI was23andworkedasawaitressatoneofmyjobsIwason all week and couldnt forget anything if I tried. I spent the entire week manically amped up getting hardly any sleep everynight,asifIwasbipolarorsomething,whichImnot.I could remember every last little thing that every table Id waitedonfromtheSundaybeforehadorderedthenrealized Icouldremembereverythingingeneralabouteverythingthat hadhappenedallweek.Itwasmaddening,andIfoundmyself sittingonthefloorofthelivingroomatlike2:30a.m.withmy roommates, drinking cheap wine trying to come down to a normallevelsoIcouldgetsomesleepandstopthiscraziness.
Compartmentalized mind. Have a compartmentalized mind thatsdemonstratedthatitcandoitsownthing,andseemsto operateseparately,almostlikeacomputer.Itcansolvemath stufforfigurethingsoutseparatelyfromthemainbrain,and thenfeedsmetheanswerwhenitsdone.
Tying into the above two is the compartmentalized computer mindingeneral.Icangetintoaframeofmindwhereitslike another part of my brain takes over, like when playing video games, and is able to perform in a way that I cant in my normalstateofconsciousness.OnetimewhenIwas22andat the movies with a friend named James in California, I was playing one of those Simon memory arcade games in the lobbyand I slipped into that compartmentalized state of mind and was able to keep going and going and going, perfectly playing back longer and longer strings of the color tones. My eyes were glazed over and I felt detached from myself, it was some other part of my brain that was playing. FinallyJamessaid,Damngirl!!!freakedout.Hearingthat pulledmeoutofit,andImessedupandthegamewasover.I had made it up to about 25 tones, and if James hadnt said anythingthanwhoknowshowlongIcouldvegoneonfor.
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What it all means, Im not sure, but it seems to be indicative of something. I think people can be, and most likely are, tinkered with during their abductions and programming. Brains are upgraded,peoplewillfindthemselveswithskillstheydidntused tohave,andsomeofitmayevenbethenaturalbyproductofother things that theyre being used for. As noted in the section regarding the after effects of being taken, finding oneself with increasedpsychicabilitiesoutofnowherelastingforuptoseveral daysinarowmaybeanaturalbyproductoftheabductionprocess in itselffor whatever reason. I dont profess to understand why this is. But that incident in 97 when I was a waitress and was ampedupandwiredallweekwiththeinabilitytoforgetanything, even the most trivial details, also seems to be indicative of having been taken and used for something. My body and mind seemed unable to adjust and come back down, and I remained in a heightenedstateforsometimeafterwards. For myself, I noticed a definitive change, or at least another subtle level of change, occurring around the age of 2223, in 1997. Thats when my brain seemed to suddenly become smarter and much, MUCH more clear all the time, versus only during those select times when I needed it, like in school. Its also when I first noticedmyinadvertentlightningfastreflexes.Itallcameinhandy I must say at my jobs. As a waitress I could now take orders withouthavingtowritethemdown,(whichhelpsboostyourtips;) thatreallyseemstoimpresspeople)andwasinsanelyorganized withallofmytablesinawayIneverwasbefore.Andin99whenI wasworkingatanexecutivesuites,answeringtheswitchboardfor up to 48 different companies, it also paid off. There were times whenIdbedoingdataentrysideprojects,typing(atthatpoint)65 wpm/10,000+keystrokesperhour,whilesimultaneouslyanswering multiplecallsfordozensofcompaniesonthe10linesystemusing a headset, and having every single four digit extension and every four digit voicemail memorized, along with the whereabouts of every person I answered phones for off the top off my head so I wouldnthavetostopandrefertomysheet.Allfor$9.00anhour. They sure got their moneys worth with me. Its all very reminiscent though of my dads unusual performance in the
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Navyoftranslating Morse code into type at something like 8090+ wpm,amonghisotherabilitieswhichIgetintointheAppendix. Maybe there was a biological/nutritional reason for this, but I kind of doubt it. It just seems to me that I was upgraded. I was alwayssmart..butneverTHATgood.Aswithmydad,itwaslike thepotentialandfoundationwasthere,andthenmaybesomething camealongandtweakedthingsabit.Factoringintheroundabout indicatorsofabductionsoccurringinmyearly20s,(despitethefact that I didnt even know about the topic) and these talents and skills definitely seem suspect in retrospect. So, I mention this in caseitmayberingsabellforsomebodyreadingthis.
Wave beaming Harassment

Microwaves
Microwave targeting/harassment is another component of abductions.Inmyownlife,my boyfriendTomandIexperienced thiswhilelivinginFortLauderdaleFlorida,bothinhisapartment andmyownwhichwewouldlaterjointlyshare.Thesituationwas so bad that it was causing headaches, lethargy, impaired mental state,andevendisrupted sleepand nightmares. Thedullaching inmyheadanddisruptedsleepstatewasespeciallydistressingfor mebeingthatInormallydonthaveissueswithheadaches,asalot of other people apparently do, and I very much enjoy my sleep! Tom has a little gadget that detects electronic signals and he was abletodeterminethattheelectronicwavesizematchedthatofcell phone/microwaves. But it turned out to be a lot more than just randomcellphonewavepollution,asIwillshowinasecond. Because of the debilitating mental and physical effects these microwave/cell phone waves were having on us, up went the aluminumMylarsheetingonsomeofthewalls.Wepurchasedthe Mylar space blankets (emergency blankets) for camping that anybodycanbuyfor$2.99attheirlocalsportinggoodsstore.And
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whileIwasdismayedattheprospectofhowthiswouldcausemy apartment to look forget the idea of cool decorating when your walls are lined in Mylar we had no choice in the matter. The situationwasthatbad. Two main walls of my apartment had to have this Mylar sheeting,becausethoseweretheanglesthatthewavesweregetting us from. The third wall was shared with our next door neighbor. Andwecouldntdoanythingaboutthefourthwallinthekitchen, or the kitchen area in general, because of the way things were set up. That was alright though, the most important area was where we slept, worked on the computer, and did our reading, writing and research. From the first night that we buffered the apartment withtheMylarthedisruptedsleepandnightmaresstopped.Islept calmly and peacefully, was headachefree, and back to my usual energetic self, able to focus clearly. I cant imagine if Tom didnt haveawarenessaboutthisanddidnthavetheelectronicgadgetto detectthewaves,ortheknowledgeofwhattodoaboutitall.How many other people are being targeted like this every day, effectively being put out of commissiondue to lack of awareness? But whats even more interesting is the experiment that Tom performed back when he lived in his own apartment, where he used his signal detector to determine a) that there were waves beaming in, and b) where they were beamed in the apartment. Then he got on the floor, sandwiching himself between the stove and the counter to hide. Giving it a few minutes he finally got backupandcheckedaroundwiththesignaldetector. Therewerenomicrowavescominginanymore. However, within several minutes of being back up and movingaroundhisapartment,thesignalscameback,asindicated bythedetector.Itwaslikehewasbeingtriangulated. Now, what are the implications of that? This is showing that these are smart signals, with an intelligent source driving them. Itmeansthatitwasntjustrandomcellphonepollution.Theywere definitely being beamed by somebody or something, and for a specific reason. And only when that something could sense Tomspresencemovingaroundintheapartment.
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Anotherexperimentinvolveddeterminingthesourceanglefor wherethewaveswerecomingin,puttingup Mylarsheeting,then waitingforaboutadayortwoandcheckingagain. The signals had shifted now, attempting to go around where they were being blocked. So again, proving theres an intelligent source behind the signal, whether automated technology or actual humans. Microwaves being beamed at abduction targets seems to be a classic harassment tactic that Ive encountered when doing research, but we dont have to be victims of it. People have no ideawhatjustacoupleofthreedollarsheetsofMylarcando.Ive readcaseswherepeoplehadtokeepperiodicallymovingoncethe harassers located them and resumed their beam attacks. But it doesnt have to be that way. A noteworthy mustread for further information to arm yourself with on this subject would be the following, which alsoincludeslinksforwhereto obtain thesignal detectormentionedhere.http://montalk.net/conspiracy/55

Sickness beams
For lack of a better term to refer to this phenomenon, sickness beams are something youll hear about when you do the research intoMILABsharassment.Theycanbebeamedinvariousways,but onetechniqueinvolveshoveringhelicopters.Thetargetinquestion willsoonfindthemselvesdevelopingsomedebilitating,and/orlife threatening ailment to stop them in their research and take them outofthepicture. Tomany,thisistheultimateinfear.Thesenseofpowerlessness itcreates,andtheGodlikeabilitiesthatthesemilitaryspookswield isincredible.Youcantbeatthatright??? Wrong. For more elaboration on this, PLEASE see Part III, Fear in relation to the abduction experience. I elaborate in full detail about this, and other fear/harassment/elimination tactics. We are not the helpless victims they would have us believe. We have fullcontroloverwhathappenstoourbodiesandourlives,NOT
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THEM. Even when it comes to sickness beams. I dont care what you believe you know about how things are, Im here to tell you that weve been programmed with selfdefeating limitation, livinginarealitythathasbeencarefullymanipulatedateveryturn tostripusofournaturalabilities.YouCANfightbackagainsteven sickness beams. And if the reader remembers only one thing outofthisentirewriteup,letthisbeit.PleaseskipaheadtoPart IIIifthisisatopicofinterestforyou.
The World Underground

Ah, no alien/military write up would be complete without mention of the underground bases and tunnels. Hyperdimensional realms aside, there is supposedly a whole secondary layer to our reality going on now, right under our feet. Literally. Theres the lala land surface world where were kept amusedanddistractedwithentertainment,themedia,drink/drugs, materialism and consumerism, debt, poverty and daily struggle, political distraction and wars, and then theres this whole other behindthescenes reality going on that most will never even get a glimpseof.Ifthereportsofthedozensofundergroundbaseswith their crosscountry connecting subterranean tunnel transport systems and alien hieroglyphics on the signs are correct, then its safetosaythatsomethingelsehasofficiallytakenover. This is a topic that fascinates me the most. When I was roommatingwithmybrotherJoe(aMILAB)inPortland,Oregonin 2001,herelayedanexperienceofanabductionthatheclaimedtook placeinanundergroundbaseinOctoberofthatyear. Heres what he relayed to me about what he saw, but as I mentioninmysectionaboutUntanglingDisinformation,Imnot endorsingwhathesaidorpromotingitasgospel.Isimplyrelayit for the readers consideration, and also in case anybody out there has experienced something similar. It also needs to be mentioned aswellthatJoewasntanormalMILABsbyanymeans,sowhen Im recounting things that he saw, keep in mind he wasnt just
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someinnocentwideeyedMILABtarget.Itappearsthathewasre animated,andpilotedbyotherstuff,makinghissituationabove and beyond anything that most people will ever experience. It meanshewasapawnofsorts,andforthatreason,Idontgettoo much into his story in this book only because I dont think the averageabducteehassomebodyintheirlifethatstothelevelthat Joe was. It was pretty extreme and out there. Maybe in future revisedadditionsIllgetmoreintoitall. Atanyrate,Joe claimedthathewas taken toa base, where he recalls seeing aliens and humans working side by side. The temperatureinthebasewascold,andhewasbeingescorteddown ahallwaybytwohumanmales,andtheypassedbya6foot+tall Amphibiancreaturewhoeyedupmybrothersuspiciouslyasthey passed by. It was more like an Amphibian humanoid, and came across as being highly intelligent. Joe even imitated the way this thingeyedhimupwitheyesthatweremoretowardsthesideof its head. He said that everybody seemed busy, everybody had something to do. I asked him if he recalled seeing any Graysor even Reptilians, since thats what I had just recently been reading about in David Ickes book. He said no, just these Amphibian beings.ThatsurprisedmebecauseIdneverheardofsuchathing as amphibian aliens. It sounded ludicrous. But, the idea of amphibianalienswouldlaterbecorroboratedinmyresearch,as well as bizarre genetic crossbreeding experiments in underground basesusinghumanDNAandvariouscreatures.Sowhoknows. He also recalled being taken into a room where the lighting situation was unusual. He couldnt find a source for the lighting, no light bulbs or fixtures like you might find in the real world. Instead the walls themselves seemed to glow, lit up from within. Thatwasinterestingtome,butagain,Ihadnowaytoproveanyof it.Notuntillastyear,whenTomcameacrossachannelingsource calledCosmicAwarenessthatcorroboratedthisparticulardetail:
All is controlled by advanced magnetics. That includes a magneticallyinduced(phosphorescent)illuminationsystem.There arenoregularlightbulbs
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ThisAwarenessindicatesthelightingsystemusedasthatwhichis painteduponthewalls,orplacedonthewallsinakindofpaintwhich isaffectedbyanelectromagneticchargethatisapplied,whichcauses the wall to light this affecting the paint on the walls and the substancesthatareinthatpaintedmaterial.
Therewerealsohieroglyphiccharactersonthewallsmybrother reported, various symbols that he claimed to have been doodling forawhile.LateronIwouldfindmyselftalkingonthephonetoan oldblindpsychicwomannamedMaryannthatTomhadputmein touch with. She was very knowledgeable of the UFO/abduction phenomenon and underground bases, and she asked me, Does yourbrothereverdoodletrianglesinsidecircles?Iwassittingon the floor with the phone to my ear, and as she asked me that, my eyestraveledupwardstothewallinfrontofmewithallthegraffiti stuff my brother had scrawled everywhereincluding a big spray painted circle with a triangle it. Yeah, he does actuallyIm lookingatonerightnow So whether his experience happened or not, I cant verify, consideringthathewasareanimatedpawnofsorts.Possiblythe basehewasatwasnothinglikewhathethinkshesaw,andhewas implanted/programmed with false memories to corroborate what they knew I would later come across. Double reverse wacky psychologyandallthatfunstuff,asmentionedintheintroduction. ;) All that aside, the idea that there is an entire secondary world happening,undergroundcitiesandroadwaysandthewholesetup, right under our feet (or within mountains), is pretty significant. Keeping thatinmindactually explainsa lot of whatsgoing onin thisworld.Youhearpeoplecomplainingabouthowbizarrethings have gotten in the world zoo we occupybut guaranteed, most people are not keeping the idea of this other layer of reality in mindastheycomplain.Theaveragepersonwouldntknowabout itanyway,buteventheconspiracyresearcherstendtoforget.Until Ihadadreamthattookplaceinanundergroundbasebackin2000, I had absolutely no comprehension of surface world versus undergroundworld.Sowhatwereseeingonthesurfaceisntall
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there is, and it helps to keep that in mind when trying to make sense of why things are the way they are in the world. As I mention at the end of Part III, stuff has 95% of the population herdedintoonerealityoption,anditsarealityoptionthatinvolves distraction,liesandfeedingthefeeders. Iwouldrecommendlookingintothissubjectifitinterestsyou underground/underwater bases, tunnels and highways, and bases built into mountains as its always good to expand our view of what we think we know about reality. Its another step in detaching from the herd and gaining the much needed bigger perspectiveaboutthings.
Part II Part II
My own experiences

What Ive learned is that the best way to get to the bottom of whats going on is by trading experiences. Putting what youve seenandheardandlearnedoutthereforotherstoread,sotheycan compare it to what theyve gone through. For myself, reading abductees personal stories were always the most helpful and useful,duetotheirwealthofspecificdetails,versustheemotionally detached, intellectual dissertations on the governments Project This and Project That. In adding my own experiences and theoriestothepile,maybesomebodyouttherewillreadwhatIve written and experience that light bulb aha! moment, and get possible needed corroboration, answers, or realizations, or at least useitasalaunchingpadofsorts.Thisishowyoubegintofigure outwhatswhat,andfindthosemissingpieces. When trying to get answers to whats happened to you, you have to first know what questions to ask. The biggest issues to figureoutare: Whosabductingyou?(Andistheremorethanonesource?) Whendiditbegin?Whichleadsto Howwereyoudiscoveredortargeted? Whyareyoubeingabducted?Whatsbeingdonetoyou? Maybeyoureoneoftheluckyoneswhohasclearcutanswers towhenandhowitallbeganforyou.Somepeopleseemtohave what I call a bythebook abduction scenario, where its clearly defined that a) abductions are happening to them, b) whos doing the abduction, c) how theyre taking them d) whats being done duringtheabduction. Thesepeopleseemtohavewaymorememoriesandfarlessplot holesgoingonthanIdo.Whetherpositiveornegative,atleastthey rememberandknowwhatshappenedtothem. I,unfortunately,amnotoneofthosepeople.
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My first known and overt abduction experience didnt happen for me until October of 2001. (Coincidentally, the same month thatmybrotherwasalsoabductedandtakentoabaseforhisfirst ever remembered abduction and meeting with them, as relayed attheendoftheprevioussection.)Iwas27yearsoldbythatpoint. !!Talkaboutarrivinglatetothegame. OrdidI? AsIlaterhadtorealize,thisstuffusuallydoesntjusteruptfora person overnight. If they are able to find me and snag me at 27, then it means they were already well aware of who I was before that.AndthatswhenIhadtoreallystartlookingovermylifeand begin to try to make sense of what was basically a bunch of mish mosh indirect evidence. As it was, even with the one overt abductionexperienceIstilldidnthaveclearcutanswersastowho took me, how, to where, and why. I certainly know what they wantedmetobelievethatitwasGrayaliens,anditwasgood,so invite this into my reality so it can happen again! but it doesnt meanthatwasthetruthofthesituation. And thats where things got frustrating. The very basic questions outlined earlier Whos taking me?? How was I targeted,andwhendiditstart??WhyamIbeingtaken??Ihadno answers for. Totally clueless. The abduction and mind control books I began looking at to help in my research and quest for answersweregreatandall,butIcouldnthelpbutnoticehowthe people being featured in these materials were so confident about whattheirsituationwas.Theyhadconcreteanswers.Whenyou haveanswersyoucanspeakwithsomeauthorityonthesubject,or youcanatleastbeheldupwithconfidencebytheauthorswhoare writingaboutyourstory. Additionally,mysituationdidntexactlyfitormatchupwith anything Id been reading about in my research, since most research tends to be focused on aliens, with little mention of human/militaryrogueabductionsandprogramming.Thatsslowly changingthough,asthissubjectbeginstogetmoreexposure.For the most part though Ive had just a whole lotta confusion in my journey,asdomostMILABstargets.
Part II My Own Experiences
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WhatIeventuallywoundupdoing,avariationofwhichyoull see in this particular section, was to sit down and begin documenting everything and anything I could think of that was eitherobviouslyabductionrelated,orhighlysuspect.Andthisisa good idea for any abductee to do. In doing so, youre rounding everythingupandgettingitallorganized,whichcanhelpbringup other memories and incidents that may have been forgotten. For me, I typed up anything I could remember going as far back as I could,puttingmymemoriesintoloosecategories,andthenlooked over everything to see what it was all pointing to. Patterns, the bigger picture, and so on. People will be different though, so use whateverdocumentingsystem/methodworksforyou.Youhaveto start somewhere, and writing stuff down, (or typing it up, or talking into a hand held tape recorder, etc.) is probably the best placetostart.Andthenifyoustillcantgetdefinitiveanswers,or have holes that need to be filled in, then possibly consider other avenues meditating in a contemplative state, hypnosis with a trained and trustworthy person who is familiar with abduction cases(andwhowontaskleadingquestions)andsoon. You may notice though like I did that once you begin the process of trying to document your experiences, more memories willbegintosurface.Soasmentionedearlierinthispieceitcanbe areallygoodideatocarryaroundalittlenotebookorpadofpaper withyouincaseyouremembersomethingwhileoutandabout.
Actual Memories
(Note: The key to these memory flashes is either something directly triggering them, or being in a relaxed, open state, not thinking about anything, which seems to be conducive for allowing stuff to come up to the surface. And as you can see, there arent that many. But, Im glad for whatever snippets I do have.)
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MetalGangways. Backin 2000,while living in SoCal, I had a flash one evening where I suddenly saw myself standing in what seemedtobeawindowlessinstallationfacilitythingthathasthese metal grating walkways/gangways and stairs and stuff. It looked similartotheNORADfacilityinsomeways,featuredinthemovie WarGames.Samesortoflooktoit.InthememoryImstanding on the metal grating walkway at the top of some stairs, looking aroundina(drugged?hypnotic?)daze. I had this flash while resting, and not thinking of anything at all. I wasnt sleeping, just relaxed, and then I spontaneously saw myself in that scene, which surprised me. I was embroiled in paranormal happenings at this point, as documented in my write up called The Vortex on my website, but I didnt realize at this time that I was an abductee, and certainly had never heard of anything concerning MILABs, so I didnt understand why my mindwouldgenerateanimagelikethatoutofnowhere. (Note: An excerpt that I later came across several years after this memory, taken from the book MILABs: Military Mind Control & Alien Abduction by Dr. Helmut Lammer and Marion Lammerhasthistosay:
Diane (pseudonym) has had ongoing alien abduction experiences sinceherchildhood.Asshegrewoldershegotflashbacksofhuman kidnappings where she was taken to military underground research facilities.Shereportselevators,hallsandgangways,likemanyother MILAB abductees. She also reports that she was taken on a tour of partofsuchafacilitybyamaninawhitelabcoat
Readingthatwasinterestinginlightofsomeofthememoriesor suspicious dreams Ive had of people in white coats, elevators, gangways,hospitalsandsuch)

Thesunmug.InanotherflashImsittingatatableinasmall windowlessroom.Everythingseemstohaveaslightyellowishtint to it. Im sitting across the table from a (white) woman wearing glasses,withdarkbrownhair,pulledbacktightly.Sheseemstobe wearing something white, possibly like a lab coat? And shes
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writingsomethingdown,notlookingatme.ForthatreasonIdont know exactly what her face looks like. I get the feeling that whateversheswritingconcernsme.Imjustsittingtherepassively, asifinadruggedstate.Myeyesslowlydriftaimlesslyarounduntil fallingonthecoffeemugthatsitsnexttoher,toherright.Itsdark in color, like a navy blue, with a gold sun/rays on it. Suddenly I realize, heeeeeeyy thats an illuminati symbolism and this is what triggers me to start pulling out of my stupor, and where the memoryends. IrememberedthisflashwhilestoppedataredlightonBroward Boulevard in early 2003. I glanced over and saw the sign for a Sunoco gas station. And it was the word Sun in Sunoco that triggered me to remember the sun image on the coffee mug, and that entire flash of memory justcame out, right there, as I sat in mycar.Thisimagewasanactualmemory,butthewomaninthe memoryhasalsoappearedintwoofmydreams.Iwasabletosee herfacealittlebetterinoneofthedreams,andsheseemstohave thinlips,bigeyes,andafixedexpression.

Residualarmrash.Sittingonachairinaroomwiththatsame yellow hue to everything, although here the yellow tint was even morepronounced.Again,Iseemtobeinapassive,druggedstate. Imslowlyscratchingataspotonmylowerleftarmwithmyright indexfinger.Thatspotisirritated,andasIscratchatitinadaze,a spottyrashappears. I had this flash while sitting at Einstein Brothers Bagels (Fort Lauderdale). This was the afternoon following an abduction in 2003, and I was receiving indicators that something had definitely happened. And as I sat at my table spacing out, boom, thismemoryjustflashedinmymind.Withouteventhinkingabout it,Iimmediatelygrabbedatmyleftarmandturnedit,lookingfor therash,fullyexpectingtoseeitanditwasthere.Itwasfading, butitwasthere,anditwasreal.Iwasstunned,like,Holyshit

Flashback. A flash one morning back in early 2004 maybe, whilelyinginbed.Isawmyselflayingdown,possiblyonatableor
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something, in a brightly lit room, and there are several guys standing over me, leering and jeering at me. One leans in, hes white, with brunette hair, and hes right up in my face, laughing andmocking,andthenscratchesundermychin.Ijustlaytherein adaze,althoughIfeelthateveninmymutedstateImscared.ButI dont seem to be able to do anything about it, like maybe I cant move.Theirfacesareblurred,andIseemtobedruggedingeneral. Theflashwasintenseandsudden,veryunexpected,andjarred me out of my relaxed state. I didnt like it at all, and my first thoughtwasWHATTHEHELL WAS THAT?!? Although I did know what it was, even if I didnt consciously remember the incident.
Suspicious/Obvious Indicators and Dreams as a Kid

SomethingInoticedstraightawaywashowmanyofmylogged incidentsbeganwiththewordsWhenIwasfiveAroundthe ageoffourAboutfiveyearsoldwhenFourandfiveyears old, over and over again. And recently, I just came across some corroborating insight about this that made me want to fall out of my chair. The book Millennium Children quotes another book, calledFutureMemorybyauthorP.M.H.Atwater,whosaysthat itsfascinatingthatbetweentheagesoffourandfiveiswhen mostchildhoodcasesofalienabductionsandaliensightingsare reportedtooccurWOW!Nodoubt,IhadaLOTofactivityat those ages, something was definitely happening. This is also the time when the lifelong issues between my mom and I really kicked in. I never realized that until doing this write up though, whichiswhywritingstuffdownissuchagoodidea.Myentirelife Id just tell people, Oh, me and my mom have NEVER gotten along,goingbacktowhenIwasreallylittle,wejustalwayshated eachotherButwhenIdidthiswriteupIbegantorealizethats
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nottrue.ItstartedwhenIwasaboutfourtofiveyearsoldasfaras Icantell.Interesting.

Reversedinbed.Anincidentataboutfiveyearsoldwhenwe livedinWestfield,Massachusettsmymomhadafunnyfeeling aboutmeinthemiddleofthenightsomuchsothatshegotupto check on me and found me lying outside the covers, reversed on mybed,armsatmysides,withmyeyesopen,unblinking,staring at the ceiling. She leaned in close, watching me to see if I was breathingorblinking,andthenIcameto.Iblinkedacoupleof times,andturnedtolookather.Shegaspedandjumpedbackand said OH MY GOD I thought you were dead! She was really weirded out about the whole thing. Tucked me back in the right way, looking scared. I had no memory of why or how this happened,IonlyrememberitfromthepointwhereIcametoand turned to look at her, like, huh? whats going on? and seeing her jump back away from me. There would be several times throughout the years when we later lived in Connecticut where I wouldwakeupasakidreversedinthebed,outsidethecovers,not surehowIgotthatway,butnomorethatmymomwaseveraware of. It doesnt happen as an adult though. Being reversed in the bed,isoneofthenotedchildindicatorswhenyoudotheresearch. It seems like something cant get the coordinates right when puttingpeoplebackintheirbeds.Factoringinmymomsfunny feeling and this incident definitely indicates something unusual goingon.

Iodinefromprocedure?Wokeuponemorningaroundtheage offivefeelingsomethingfunnygoingondownthere.WhenI inspected myself, I found a strange amber colored stuff on me. I picked it all off, mystified. Then I reported it to my mom who frowned at me, completely taken aback by me reporting such a bizarre thing. I was only five, too young for gynecological issues. Itmadenosense.Shelooked,butfoundeverythingtobenormal, with nothing at all unusual happening down there, and gave me more frowny looks, like thinking, What are you talking about??
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Where did you come up with such a thing??! It never happened again. Years later when I relayed this story to my brother, he immediately nodded knowingly, and said Yeah, that was dried iodine.REEEEaally,Isaid.Whatfor?!?!Helookedoffintospace, his eyes glossing over as he saw something play out in his mind, and said, They implant girls through that area sometimes. See, theres this long silver stick with a ball at the end of it, and the implantisattachedtotheball.Theyinsertitin,injecttheimplant, andwhentheypullitbackoutagain,theypushabuttonthatson the stick,anditsquirtsiodineto disinfect thearea astheyremove thestick. When he was done relaying this, there was silence. Finally I broke it by asking the obvious. How do you know this? He turnedtolookatme,shakinghimselfoutofit.Thenfurrowedhis brows.Idontknow.Ijustknow.Hepaused,thinkingaboutit. Ive seen it done, he realized. Ive seen them do it. He explained that they do this to females, especially female children, because it will go completely undetected on their body. I believe theydidntevenbothertocleanthatoffordoanythingaboutit because they sincerely thought that I wouldnt be smart or alert enoughtoquestionthis,sinceIwasonlyfiveyearsold,letalone rememberit,permanently.

Peopleinwhitecoats.Memoryofbeingonatablelyingonmy stomachinawindowlessroomwithdoctors?inwhitecoatsabout twoorthreeyearsold?Imnervous,butalertandawake.Now,I hadmeningitiswhenIwasoneandahalfyearsold,thiscouldbe the memory of me just prior to getting my spinal tap, where I would have been lying on my stomach but the fact is, I dont rememberANYTHINGaboutwhenIwasfirstsickwithmeningitis andadmittedtothehospital.FromwhatIwastold,Ihadafeverof 104, I was vomiting, lethargic, in and out of consciousness, and couldnt turn my headbut I dont remember any of it. My memories of my bout with meningitis dont start until I was recoveringinmyhospitalroom.AtthepointwhereIwouldhave
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hadmyspinaltap,Iwasliterally,neardeath.Andinthismemory, Idontseemtobesicklikethat,atall.So,isthisamemoryofwhen Iwasgoingtogetmyspinaltap?Orsomethingelse?Ihavecome across one lone reference to MILAB abduction programming that describes something like this, where programming is done to abducteechildren.
Theroominsidethewarehouselikebuildingissetuptoworkonthe subjects. It has a table, a light, and equipment. The room is apart from the activities going on outside, so that others will not be distractedbywhatwedohere. http://www.greatdreams.com/political/media03.html
Interesting. Especially in light of my warehouse dream, relayedbelowwhichhadsomebodyinawhitecoat.Therewere several details mentioned in this womans write up that stood out forme,surprisingly.ButthefactisIwasonmystomach,justlikeI would have been for my spinal tap. So who knows, maybe thats allitis.

Abductionprogrammingfacility?Thiswasadream,butIm goingtoputitin thissection, tokeep all theseincidentsfromthis agetogether.ButIhadadreamabouttheageoffive,whereIm in some large (warehouse type, in retrospect) facility, standing around,waitingforsomeadultsnearbyinwhite(coats?)toleadme wheretogonext.AndmyMomisthere,(!!)Shestalkingtoone ofthepeopleinwhite.Tomeitsortofseemslikeasupermarket, becauseitssobigwiththetallceilings,butIguessitsnot.Imjust standing there, calm, looking up and around at everything. Up wherethewallmeetstheceilingthereisarowofsquaresthatare shiny solid black, each square framed in shiny silver/chrome. It gets my attention because of the geometric pattern, and its the reasonthatIevenrememberthissceneatall.Thisalwaysfeltmore likeamemorytomeratherthanadream,duetothevivid,realistic feelingithadandtheunusualsubject.Itdoesntseemnormalfora kidtodreamaboutsomethinglikethis.

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Frequent heavy nosebleeds as a kid in Massachusetts. Frequentnighttimenosebleedsasachildareapossibleindicatorof stuff. Theyd always only happen in the middle of the night, spontaneouslyeruptingoutofnowhere.NeveroncedidIhaveone duringtheday.

Skin scraping. Had a flashback at the age of four or so while eating vegetables at dinner one night, of a skin scraping on my leftarm.Thereweretheselittleredpepperpiecesinthevegetables, and as I stared at them on my fork, I suddenly had this flash of a memorypopintomymind,seeingabrightredskinscrapingonmy upperleftarm.ButwhenIlookedatmyarm,therewasnothing.It was confusing to me as a kid, to have a memory of something andnotknowwhereitcamefrom.Butasanadult,Iofcoursenow knowaboutabductionsandskinscrapings.Imnotsurehowskin scrapings work, if theyre supposed to actually draw blood like that,oriftheyjustlightlyrubtheskintotakedeadsurfacecellsor what. I have no scar on my arm for this. So who knows. Id be liable to dismiss it, except for the manner in which the memory appeared it was triggered, and appeared in a flash, exactly as buried memories resurface. And also, where does a four year old evencomeupwithsomethinglikethat??

The little ghost girl. And Burger King (!) Westfield, Massachusetts.Thiswasprobablyaboutagefour,sinceIwasnow sleeping in a bed. I was lying in bed in the middle of the night whenanallwhitelittleghostlookinggirlfloatedintomyroom.I wasntscaredforsomereason.Butshelookedaboutmyage,and wasdressedtomatchjusthowIlookedatthattimeTshirt,little shorts, and pig tails on each side of her head with bangs. She carried a ball with her. She floated to a stop inside the doorway, lookingatme,smiling.Thenshetossedherwhiteghostballatme throughtheair.IsmiledandreachedmyarmsupfromwhereIlay inthebedandcaughtthisballasitfloatedtowardsme,insilent slomo. I could see that I caught it and was holding itbut I couldntfeelit!Whatfun!Ismiledandtosseditbacktoher.It
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floatedinsilentslomothroughtheairandshecaughtit,andtossed itback.Wewentbackandforthlikethisthreetimes..butthenI dropped the ball. It went over my head and landed silently behindtheheadboardbetweenthebedandthewall. Thatswhenthingsturnednegative. Herwholefacechanged,anditwentfromlookinglikeasmiling littlegirltogettingtwisted,likeamonster.Shechargedstraight at me, silently and quickly, enraged. My eyes bugged out like, AHHH!Asshegotnear,severalfeetaway,Iduckedunderthe coverstohide.Ididntknowwhatelsetodo!Istayedunderthere foralittlebit,listening,waiting.Nothingseemedtobehappening soIfinally peekedout toseeif shewas still there.Shewasgone. Whew! Some may say this was a dream, but I know for a fact I was wide awake. This was not a dream. Nor was I one of those kids prone to fanciful visions and hallucinations. I didnt have any imaginary friends because I didnt need any, I had lots of real friends. And I just didnt have the mindset for that whole deal. And I was definitely not a kid who got carried away in fantasy makebelieve.Iwasverypracticalminded.(waymorethanmost normalkidsinfact.)So,thatswhyIknowthatIdidntjustinvent this fanciful hallucination of some onetime imaginary ghost girl friend.Itmakesnosense,basedonwhoIwasasakid. Right around this time period I was visited by the Burger Kinganotherallwhitesmilingghostfigurewhofloatedintomy roomunexpectedlyinthemiddleofthenightasIlaidthereinthe dark,wide awake. (mymomputme to bed way too early at that age,soIwouldperiodicallyfindmyselfwideawakeinthemiddle of the night, just looking around the room like, doo dee doo dee doobored.) Burger King had the robe and the crown and the beard, smiling all pleasantbut when I looked at his feet from where I laid in my bed, I saw that he wasnt walking, he was floating, which was interesting to me. Hmm, I thought. And I dontrememberwhathappenedafterthat.Theresnoconclusionto this incident. One minute he was floating into my room, and the nextnothing. Blank. But I do remember trying to tell my mom aboutitinthemorningatbreakfast,Mommy,BurgerKingwasin
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myroomlastnight!Butshepaidmenomind.;)Justthecrazy ramblings of a goofy little kid is what she thought, Im sure. She looked at me like, Yeah, whatever, and continued with prepping andarrangingbreakfast.

Split mind crying. Strange incident in kindergarten, five years old when we lived in Massachusetts. I would walk home fromtheelementaryschooleverydaysinceitwasonlyafewblocks away. Sometimes I walked with friends, sometimes I was alone. Andonedayafterwalkinghomebymyself,Igotinthedoor,then spontaneously started cryingbut I had no idea why. My mom keptaskingmewhatwaswrong.ButIdidntknow!Ifeltlikepart of me was upset and traumatized, but yet I didnt know why. Another time when I was about six this happened at school. We were getting ready to leave to go home, putting on our coats and gathering up our lunch boxes and stuff, and I started crying with thatweirdsplitthinghappening.Iwaswatchingmyselfcry,but notknowingwhy.OnelittlegirlaskedmewhatwaswrongwasI crying because I was happy maybe? The teacher had just been readingastorytous,soshefiguredmaybethestorywasaffecting me and I was crying with happiness? (how cute in retrospect, future psychologist!) I shook my head no, confused. I felt a little bit embarrassed because I didnt know what was wrong with me, whyIseemedtonotbeincontrolofmyself.Thosearetheonlytwo incidentslikethisthatIremember.

Bedposts. I was terrified of my bed posts around age three? Four? CalledthemTheWoodens. Theywere small and round, and looked like bald headed creatures to me, and if I looked at themlongenoughatnightwhilelyinginbed,Idgethystericaland start screaming and panicking until my parents would come and calm me down. What did they remind me of aliens of some type?Evenmydadlaterquestionedthis,saidhethoughtthatmy terror of the round bedposts was indicative of something. He stopped short of saying aliens, even though he totally believes in aliensandUFOs.Probablybecausetosaythatoutloudisjusttoo
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weird.Itsaplacethatmostpeoplearentcomfortablegoing,even iftheyintellectuallyknowittobetrue. [Update:AftertheoriginalwritingofthisbookIvesincehada memoryinvolvingbeingalittlekidinWestfield,inmybedinthe dark,surroundedbylittlebaldheadedaliensaroundmybed.The memorypoppedupoutof nowhere one nightwhile I wasinbed, andinthisdream/memorythingIWASakidagain,Iwasbackin my little kid body with my child mentality and all. I could feel myselflyingthereinthedarkinmyoldbedroom,seeingthesebald headedcreaturesmovingaroundme.Acoupleoffaintwhimpers cameoutofmeandIthoughtiwantmymommyIdonttake anythingatfacevaluethough,sothismayormaynotbesomething real.]

The butterflies. Weird incident about the age of five when butterflies appeared on my bedroom wall. My mom was downstairswiththeTVon,talkingtosomebodywhowasvisiting. Meanwhile, Im upstairs in my room, lying awake in bed, and suddenly what seems to be all these black and white butterflies appear on the facing wall, moving and fluttering about. I immediatelywenttotallyHYSTERICAL.Ijumpedoutofbedand stood there, facing the wall, screaming and going ballistic at the butterflies, until my mom came running upstairs. I dont know why these butterfly things caused such an immediate hysterical reactionfromme,butmyattitudewasIwantedNOpartofit.But they stopped as soon as she got there. Of course. She finds me cryingaboutthebutterfliesonthewall!!Thebutterflies!!andof coursetheresnothingthere. My bedroom wasonthesecond floor, so it was impossible for the fluttering butterflies to have been caused by car headlights or something coming in at ground level. Its also interesting to note thatyearslater,attheageof27,Iwouldfindmyselfdecoratingthe wall over my bed with dozens and dozens of butterfly cutouts. Butterflies are also one of those things Ive been attracted to in general, and one of those things that people give to me, for whateverreason.
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Spirals. I became obsessed with elevators and spiral stairs at the age of thirteen. To the point of ridiculousness. Always doodling DNA looking ribbons and spirals on my notebooks at school, dreams about spiral stairs and elevators, obsessing about riding in elevators and wishing to find a pair of spiral stairs. Spirals, helixes, ribbons, and elevators are all major symbolisms/systems/techniques used in mind control programming.
The Obvious Stuff as an Adult

Thefollowingincidentsarenotactualmemoryflashes,but,they areprettyobvious My first known, overt abduction October, 2001, Orange County,CA.Ihadrecentlycomeacrossareallyrealisticpictureof aGraywhichintriguedme.Itwasfuntostareatandcontemplate the idea of meeting Grays, and the pictures realistic nature made that easy to do. I sat on my couch with the picture in my hand, staring intensely at it for what was probably like 20 minutes. I stared so hard and for so long that I was pretty much almost in a selfimposed trance. After the 20 minutes or so I noticed that the background noise had muted. I couldnt hear my roommate ToddsTVdownthehallanymore.Curious,Ilookedup. SnappingoutofmythoughtsdidntmakethesoundoftheTV comeback.Infact,therewasnowthefeelingofaveilofcontrol descending on me. I jumped up, alarmed. I was wide awake, standinginthemiddleofmyroom,andliterallyfeltmywillpower andabilitytocontrolmyselfslippingawaywitheverysecond.Itwas VERY quick and very powerful, whatever it was. I still couldnt hear Todds TV though, due to the muting effect around me. I spunaroundwildly,andinsideIyelledNO!NO!!RUN!!RUN!!!
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LEAVETHEROOM!!GETOUTOFHERENOW!!ButIcouldnt doit.Iwasactuallyarguingbackandforthwithmyself: Justgoliedownandwait.Theyllbehereshortly. RUN!!GETOUTOFHERE!!!NOW!!!GO!!! Goliedown.Itllbealright.Theyllbehereshortly. Ihadthisbackandforthpanickedargument,myfightorflight reflexattemptingtobeoverriddenbythiscalmthoughtformtelling metogoliedown.Itllbeokay.Theyllbehereshortly.Justgolie down. In the end I conceded. I wish I hadnt, I should have run like hell. IchangedintoclothestosleepinasfastasIcould,knowingthat Iwasundercontrol,andnotabletoevenfightback.Nowillpower. Iwasliterallylikeapuppet,andIknewit.IknewIwasactinglikea crazyperson.ButIobeyedanyway,turnedoutmylightssavefor mypurpleChristmaslights,andclimbedintobed.Ihadafullpot ofgreenteainmysystem,(translationcaffeine)andsoIwaswide awake. I peaked out from under the covers, feeling like a crazy person.Itwas11p.m. And that was the last I remember. I blacked out after that, despitethecaffeine. Tenhourslater,Saturdaymorning,Istartedtowakeupinmy bed, feeling like I hadbeen run over by a train. Felt like absolute crap!IkeptresurfacinglikeIwasinadruggedoutstupor,then Idfallbackunderagain,unconscious.Thisresurfacingandsinking backdownwent on for several hours. This isnot how Inormally wake up. I was finally able to wake up after 11 a.m. I felt like it was 5 a.m. though and I was STUNNED when I finally looked at myalarmclock.MyfirstthoughtwasWheredidthenightgo?!?!? Thesunwasoutandthedaywasinfullswing.Isatupinbed,like lalala.Noconcerns.Igotoutofbedandsawmycatsittinginthe middle of my floor, and I reached out to pet her, saying Hi. She recoiled from me, her back hunching up, then hissed. Shocked, I triedtopetheragain.Nowsheactuallytookaswingatme,trying to scratch me and hissed even louder and darted under my desk, hidingfromme.ShedNEVERdonethatbefore,tomeoranybody.
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! She was normally a very friendly, affectionate, sociable cat who likespeople. Still oblivious I was like, Huh. Okay. I left her alone, and proceeded to get dressed and set about my day. I was feeling neutral and emotionally calm. I did not question anything that had happened the night before, or anything happening right now thatmorning,didntmakeanyconnections.Justtotalprogrammed oblivion. AfterbrushingmyteethandgettingdressedandallthatIsaton mycouchandsawthealienpicstillsittingonthearmofthecouch, whereIdleftitthenightbefore.Ipickeditup.ButwhenIlooked at it I instantly recoiled and tossed it aside. I had this knee jerk reactionandthought,DontEVERlookatthatpictureagain!My subconsciousknew. So, I reached for a book to flip through instead. lalala. Oblivion. As I read I noticed that my glasses were blurry. Kept takingthemoffandwipingatthem.AfterawhileIbegantorealize the problem was with my actual eye itself. My left eye was watery/runny. In the mirror I saw it was pink. Funny because it wasfinebeforeIwenttobed. At this same time I also began to realize there were pains happeninginmyuterusandovariesarea.ButIwasntgettingmy monthly. I had never had pains like that in there before. So this was certainly a first. I curiously pressed in on my uterus/ovaries areatotrytoalleviatethepain. Thentheimagesstarted. Isoon realized as I wentabout my day that there was a constant barrage of Gray alien faces in my mind anytime I closed my eyelids. Gray faces from ALL angles, three dimensional. Staring straight ahead, faced to the left, to the right,large,small,allkinds.Sometimesjustthelarge,blackslanted eyes.AnytimeIblinkedorclosedmyeyes,itwasthere.Nonstop. Like internal wall paper for the mind. At first it was a novel thing. By the end of the day, twelve hours later, I was a wreck, becauseitwouldnotstop. I ran into one of my roommates, Denise in the kitchen in the afternoon. She smiled and apologized for the fight that had
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happenedthenightbeforeoutsidemydoorbetweenherandTodd. Ilookedatherblankly,andshookmyheadbackandforth.Ihad noideawhatshewastalkingabout. She frowned and said, You know, the fight we had. You couldnt have missed it. We were right outside your door! She toldmehowToddhadcomehomeat3a.m.,loudlythrowingopen thefrontdoor,goingdownthehalltohisroomandturningonthe TVfullvolumeandleavinghisdooropensohecouldhearitwhile he cooked food in the kitchen, banging pots around all over the place,whistlingsuperloud.Hewokeherupandshecameoutof her room, pissed off, and they totally got into it there in the hall rightoutsidemydoor,yellingateachother. IhadNOideawhatshewastalkingabout.WhenItoldherso, shestartedtogetannoyed,thinkingIwasjerkingheraround.She was really sensitive and didnt like people playing her. Carissa...dontlie,youHADtohaveheardit.ComeON!Please! She said they even tried to call me through my door, saying Carissa? Carissa? Sorry about all the noise... but I never answered. They thought it was a little weird because Im a light sleeperandheareverything. BythispointintheafternoonIwasputtingthingstogetherand startingtorealizewhathadhappenedthenightbefore.AsDenise stood in front of me telling me about this huge ruckus that had happened, which I somehow missed, I realized I wasnt there. ThatswhyIdidnthearthis.Iwasnteventhere.ButwhatwasI supposed to say to her?! So I just played dumb and quickly changedthesubjectanddivertedherattention. By night time, around 11:30 p.m. I was a wreck because the images of Grays would not stop in my mind. It was as strong as ever, every time I blinked or closed my eyes. I was curled into a ball in the middle of my floor, crying silently, because I thought I was going crazy. I believed I was truly losing my mind and descending into madness. Something was trying very hard to convince me that what I had experienced involved the Grays. Yet,Isomehowknewthatitwasallwrong.Somethingfeltoff.I KNEW deep down that I hadnt been abducted by aliens! even
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though Ive so heavily researched the matter and had all the symptomsofanabduction. Twodayslater,onTuesdaynight,allofusroommatesgotinto itwithTodd,yetagain.Hewasalwaysmakingproblemsandwe were always mad at him. He had me SO annoyed that I stompedofftomyroomandwenttobedallangryandriledup.I lay there in my bed, totally fuming, and suddenly in my mind, I wasntinmybedanymore.Iwaslayingflatonmyback,onatable, under a lightsurrounded by three Grays. It wasnt a still frame image,itwasamovingflashbackmemory.Theyweresurrounding me,peeringdownatme.Isawonetilthisheadslightlytoitsleft, (myright)andleaninslightly,peeringatmecloser.Theywerent grayincolor,andtheydidnthavethoseexaggeratedroundheavy lookingbulbousheads.Theywereporcelainwhite,withtheblack slanted eyes, the slit for a mouth, and thin necks and bodies and arms. Theirfaceswere long. Very elongated, but withthatslight upsidedownteardropshapetothem.AndtheyseemedsoWISE.I justlaythere,completelyblankandpassive,likeIwasinadrugged stupor. I was so scared at this sudden shift in my mind that I gasped and yanked myself out of the flashback. WHAT the HELL was THAT?!?! My first memory of what happened on Saturday night, thatswhat!Finally,amemory!Somethingtoconfirmalltheother roundaboutevidence.Itwasaboutdamntime!Interestingthatit didnt occur until I was emotionally worked up about something else.Likemymindneededtobedivertedandfocusedonanother emotionallyintenseexperiencebeforeslippinginaglimpseofthat one. DuringtheweekwhenIwasatwork,Ihadthemostwonderful feeling that something fantastic had occurred the past weekend, somethingwhichwastherejustunderthesurfaceofmybrain,but whichIcouldntaccessanymore.ItdrovemeNUTS.Isowanted sobadlytoremembertheexperience,andIcouldfeelit,rightthere, butjustcouldntpullitup. The only way to get to it and get it back was to do it again. Haveanotherabduction.
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Imentallyaskedforoneseveraltimes,wishingtodoitallagain this upcoming Saturday night. Also, the mild case of pink eye lasted most of the week, in my left eye, but faded out on its own, interestinglyenough.Thepainsinmyovaries/uteruspersistedoff and on during the week. The images of the Grays in my mind lasted fully into Tuesday. And my cat refused to let me within severalfeetofheruntilwelloveraweeklater,somethingthatmy roommates noticed and commented on. But again, what could I possiblytellthem. However, by Thursday, I changed my mind about being abductedthankstosomeoutsideinput.IhadtoldTom,viaemail, aboutthisexperience,andhewarnedmeaboutthenegativenature ofGraysandabductions.Whatsinterestingisthatoneconcerned warning was all it took to Snap me out of it. My subconscious knewandrecognizedthetruthofhiswarningrightaway,evenif my conscious brain was programmed to think otherwise. So I mentallychangedmymindaboutit. Saturday night arrived, and I wasnt even thinking about the abduction anymore. I figured I had changed my mind and that wasthat,thatsallIneeded.Itsover. Nope.Sorry.Doesntworkthatway. Isatthereonmycouch,readingagain.Toddwasdownthehall inhisroom,hisTVgoingloudly.Histwolittleboyswereoverfor a visit this weekend, since he was in the middle of a divorce. I listened to their voices as I read. Then suddenly I realized that ToddsTVwasbeingmutedandallbackgroundsoundwasnow gone. Alarmed, I tossed my book aside and instantly jumped up withouteventhinking.Ilookedaround,panicked. Theveilbegandescendingonme,andIfeltthesameidentical thing as the weekend before. My willpower was being squelched down. With every second it slipped away more and more and I knew I didnt have much time. Fight!! Fight back! I had the thought to RUN!! GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!! followed by the same argument to just go lie down...lie down and wait, theyll be heresoongoliedown SoIran.
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I flung open my door and ran down the hall and into the bathroom,closedthedoorandlookedaround.ButIcouldstillfeel theveil.Panicked,IthoughtabouthangingoutwithToddandhis kidsacrossthehallway,butIknewthatwasuseless.Iknewthat theycouldandwouldgetmeanyway,eveninToddsroom.Iran outofthebathroom,backdownthehallandpeeredintomyroom. Nothing had arrived yet. But I could still feel that blanketing pressure veil thing on me. I ran into the kitchen. Still there. Everywhere I went in the house, it was there on me. I kept mentallyscreamingNO!NO!NO!thewholetime.IREALLYdid NOT want this anymore. Finally in desperation I threw open the front door and ran down the steps, down the walkwayand halfwayupthestreet,likeacrazyperson,tryingtogetawayfrom that veil of control thing. I got halfway up the street and I felt it sloooowwlysubsiding.IwouldhavekeptrunningaslongasIhad to. I wasnt going ANYWHERE that weekend, with anybody. I was determined. I did what I should have done the weekend before.Cautiously,Iturnedaroundandheadedbacktothehouse. Theveilwascompletelygonenow. SuchanovertattempttotakemewhileIwaswideawakenever happened again. It only works if you allow it to and cant/wont fightbackandresist.Afterthattheyresorttocovertmethods.

The laser beam me up line. While living in Portland, Oregon, and roommating with my brother, I glimpsed what I theorize is technology for beaming somebody up. It happened around 7 p.m., when my brother was at work and I had the tiny apartment all to myself, along with my cat. Kitty (her name) was uncharacteristically scared and clingy that night, sticking close by mewhereverIwent.IfIgotuptogotothesinkshefollowedand jumped up on the counter just to be as close to me as possible. WhenIwentbacktomybedandsatdown,shejumpeddownand ranwithme,andcrawledintomylap,curlingintoascaredball.I noticedthis,andthoughthuh,Iwonderwhatsup?asIpether. Hertailflickedaroundwithagitatedenergy.Afterafewminutes ofmereadingmybookwhilepettingher,webothhadtheurge
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to look up at my brothers bed at the same exact momentand thatswhenIsawthiswhitelaserlinelookingthingappearabouta foot over his bed, horizontally over the spot where he would normally lay. My cat froze up when that happened, and her tail stopped in midflick, and she just stared at it, bug eyed. The line appeared out of thin air, was about 23 feet long, glowing white, and slightly thicker in the middle than at the ends. It glowed brightly for several seconds over Joes bed, reaching its peak intensity,thenfadedbackoutagain.Itnevermadeanynoise.No other phenomenon accompanied it. Afterwards, I called my brotheratworktotellhimaboutit,andseewhathethoughtitwas. HejustlaughedandsaidDamn!Imissedmyconnectingflight!

AstralPowWow/Abduction.April2002IbelieveTomwas stillbackinIowaatthispoint,andIwaslivinginFortLauderdale. He was going to be moving down to Florida in June, after school finished, but by that point I just couldnt wait to see him. The feelingofwantingtoseehimwassointensethatIapparentlymade ithappen.Ibroughthimtome.Iwokeupinthemiddleofnight, findingmyselflyingonmyleftsideonthecarpetinthemiddleof the room, with my right arm around him. He was physical but I wasntinmybody.Isoonrealizedthiswhenmyhandtouchinghis skin was buzzing. My whole body was buzzing in fact. I realized this straight off, but despite being out of my body, and despitethesituationsomethingIhadNEVERexperiencedbefore Ikeptmywitsaboutmeandhadmyusualsenseofhumor.Ijoked to myself, Well, I went to bed alone, and woke up with a guy in my apartment! :D Words dont convey the level of happiness I felt though. I sat up in my astral body, gazing down at him, feeling the most incredibly pure love I think Ive ever felt for anybody.Ireachedmyhandoutandlaiditonhischest,andthats when he started to wake up. His head moved suddenly from his right to the left, taking a big breath, and as he awoke, the connection broke. I started involuntarily floating up and away from him, towards theceiling,withmy hand reachingouttohim. Rapidsceneswitch,andnowhesgonefromtheapartment,and
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Im sliding backwards from that spot on the middle of the floor, back into my body. I felt and watched as I slid and adjusted my waybackin!!Hadtowigglearoundafewtimestogetbackin. AndthenIopenedmyphysicaleyes,butIcouldntseeclearlyfora few seconds. My vision was distorted, and I had to blink blink blink to get my proper vision back. I just laid there, SO happy. EvenifIwasonlyabletoseehimforafewseconds,thatwasokay. The next day I emailed him and asked him if anything unusual happened to him last night, and he said Yeah, actually, it didhe woke up with the remnants of a nosebleed, and the feeling that somethingreallysublimehadhappened. Well, if youre an abductee and you do something like this, dontthinktheywontnoticeandcomeforyou.Astuntlikethatis absolutelyoffthecharts. The very next time I laid down to sleep, which was the followingnight,theyapparentlytookme.Andwhatevertheydid tomeputmeoutofcommissionforanentireweek.Ihadnoactual memoriesoftheevents,Ionlyhadthephysicalaftereffects. I was able to go to work just fine and drift along through my day,butwhenIdgohome,Iwouldjustlayandstareatthewalls anddonothingforhours.IdontrecalleatingsomeofthefoodI had in the fridge went bad as a result I dont think I even showered.IhadnodesireorwilltodoANYTHING.Iwasfried, blank,numb.Idjustlaythereandstareatthewallsorceiling,for hours, day after day. On Thursday of that week I was in the bathroom,standingatthesink,staringatnothinginablankstupor, feelinglost,whenmyhandsabsentmindedlyreachedup,likethey had a mind of their own, and they started hunting around under my hair, at the base of my skull. Like I was searching for something. And I knew it when I found it. A large lump on the base of my skull/top of my neck, about the size of a quarter. It didnt hurtbut as soon as my fingers touched it, I had the immediate commanding thought ITS JUST A SPIDER BITE with the corresponding image in my mind of a huge, black and yelloworbspideronawebtoreinforceit.Theimageinmymind waslargetoo.Likeseeingapictureoranimageonascreen.
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As soon as I saw that image in my mind I knew. Thats programming. Some procedure was done to me, and my subconscious remembered and knew EXACTLY where to find the residual lump without my conscious even having to think about itandassoon asIfound it, theprogramming kicked in totryto convincemeitwasjustaspiderbite,completewithconvincing spider imagery and everything. Move it along folks, nothing to seehere,moveitalong,nothingtosee At any rate, after a full week I began to finally pull out of my blank stupor and come back to life, regaining my personality and energy,backtoeatingandlivingnormally. [Pendulum Dowsed Yes I really met up with Tom outside my body, Yes I brought him to my apartment, Yes this really happened, Yes I was outside of my body, Yes they took me afterwards, No the lump was not a spider bite, Yes it was from whatever they did to me, Yes my problems that week were a resultofwhattheydidtome] After pendulum dowsing the incident, I was still confused aboutsomethings.Somethingstillseemedoff,Iwasstillmissing apieceofthepuzzle.Namely,itdidntseemrightthatIwasableto take him from where he slept in Iowa. I dont believe I did or evenCOULDactuallydosuchathing.Yet,hedidwindupinmy apartment. So how?? Tom suggested Maybe he was already beingabductedthatnightanyway,andIbasicallypulledhimtome fromwhereverhealreadywasduringtheabduction. I asked my pendulum about it, and Yes, that was what apparentlyhappened.So,goodideaonTomspart.!Somaybeon a higher level I apparently became aware of his abduction, and it created an opportunity of sorts for me to snag him away from them.Andbecausehewasrealandphysicalinmyapartment,he wasabletobeginwakingup,andassoonashedid,theplugwas pulled and things jumped I have no memory between when I began floating away up towards the ceiling and when I began fitting back into my body; the pendulum confirmed that he then woundupbackinIowa.KindoflikeagameofInterdimensional HotPotatoIguess.;)
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Woke up another time in the morning very suddenly with my bodyallcold,asifIdjustbeenstandinginarefrigeratedroom,or someplace with some mega air conditioning going on. My blood flowwasfine,andIwasntcoldinternally,itwasjustthesurfaceof myskinthatwascoldtothetouch.ButIwasinsouthFlorida.In August.WithnoA/Con.Therewasnologicalreasonformetobe thiscoldinmyhotandhumidapartment.Itseemedtobeanother case of being plunked back from someplace that possibly was very cold or air conditioned, or possibly the transport process in itselfcandothis,Idontknow.

Woke up one morning in Florida right in the middle of somebody programming me. Heard a male voice saying in my mind,YOUWILLONLYSEEWHATSWRONGANDUGLYIN THE WORLD! YOU WILL ONLY SEE WHATS WRONG AND UGLY IN THE WORLD! It was alarming, thats all I can say. AndImgladIwokeupintimetocatchit,andbeawarethatthis typeofprogrammingwastryingtobeinstilledinme.

Wokeupanothertimehearingamalevoicerepeatingoverand over, kind of loud and intensely YOU WILL NOT REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE NO MATTER *WHAT* ANYBODY SAYS TO YOU!! YOU WILL NOT REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE NO MATTER*WHAT*ANYBODYSAYSTOYOU!!Yikes.

Moreprogramming.Thisonesweirditseemedtobea(very vivid) dream of an actual abduction occurrence, and because its very obvious, I decided to group it in this section. But around April 2002 I dreamed that I was lying on a table under a light, feelinglikeIwasinadruggeddaze,andhallucinatingontopofit that I was seeing all these little gecko lizards pouring out of my Xyphoid Process area of my chest. I could feel that there were humansstandingaroundme,butIcouldntseethem.Ijuststared at all the lizards rushing out while a male voice off to the side informedmeinahypnoticvoicethattheselizardsrepresentedmy
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reptilian genetics. When I pendulum dowsed this Ive always gottenthatNo,IdonthavereptiliangeneticsandthatImnota hybrideither,howeverIhave,supposedly,beenanonhumanin otherpast/parallelincarnations.ButthefactthatIwaslyingonan examtable,druggedupandhallucinatingaboutlizardscomingout of my chest is enough for me to know that its not true. So its importanttopointoutthatthereisprogrammingtogetabductees tobelievethingsaboutthemselvesthatarenottrueincludingthat theyre alien or Reptilian hybrids, or have those genetics in some way. Its a huge avenue of deception becauseit can be used for manymaliciouspurposes. Wokeuponemorning,hearingthevoiceofaguysaying141 41. 141 is a number that has followed me everywhere since my brother back in 2002, documented in detail on my website in the Number Sightings write up. And here it was being used like a codealmost,programming,atrigger,notsure.Isortofsaw,orat least imagined, the source of this voice as having a beard and glasses,neutralpersonality,notangry,nothappy,justneutraland nonemotional in a pleasant but firm way. I get the impression that in this dream I was remote viewing for somebody. I can feel that just before I was triggered to pull out, I had been doing something, looking for, or at, something, for somebody elses benefit. Its just a fragment that I can remember, but thats definitelywhatIknowoffromwhatlittleIcanremember. When I was halfway in and out of consciousness, slowly wakingupafterhearingthe14141command,sensingtheguy behindthevoice,rightthenathoughtformcutinonthelineyou could say. Very distinctly, sounding like me (in my higher self way) and in a neutral but firm way it told me, They have the ability to use you now when youre sleeping without having to physicallytakeyou.Itsoundedlikeitwantedmetoknowthis,as a heads up FYI. I filled in the blanks and concluded it would be due to implant technology, so they might be able to connect to mybrainwhileIsleep,usingtheprogramtriggercodestoactivate whicheverportionofthemindtheyneed.Tellmewhattolookfor, andthen,duetothetwowayimplant,theywouldseewhateverI
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see in my minds eye. What I see, they see, instantly and automatically. VERY ingeniousif thats whats going on. This type of technology was actually later confirmed for me in the writingofFritzSpringmeier.

Programming script. I woke up another morning in Florida catching a male voice in the middle of doing what I can only describeasreadingfromascript,tellingmesomethingthatImnot going to repeat. He was calmly, methodically telling me that certainthingshadhappenedtomeinlife,whichIhighlydoubt, especiallyconsideringthefacthesoundedlikehewasreadingfrom a script. But the effects of believing something like that would be absolutely devastating on the psyche. Most people could not mentallyhandlebeingtoldwhathewastellingme.infact,were you to do the research, such ideas couldand docause an involuntarymindfracture. Later on after the fact I came across Carla Emerys Secret, Dont Tell, her book regarding unethical hypnosis and governmentmindcontrolprojects,andsurprisinglydiscoveredthat theconceptofreadingascripttoadruggedandvulnerabletarget is absolutely something that is done, and involves related subject matterofwhatwassaidtome.Anditsdonewiththeintentionof causing the mind to fracture. So I imagine the same technique could apply to a target via their implants. Im sure it wouldnt always have to be done in person, with the target drugged, possiblybeinginasusceptiblesleep/trancestatewouldsufficejust aswell.

Foraperiodoftimein2003,FebruarythesummertimeIwas havingtroublestayinginmybodywhenIdliedowntosleep,and also,Iwouldperiodicallywakeupnotknowingwhere,orWHO,I was.!WhenIdliedown,assoonasmybodywouldrelax,Icould feel myselfslipping out ofitandrisingupseveral inchesover my body. Id have to pull myself back down, only to slip back out again the second I started to drift off to sleep. Curling up in the fetal position would finally thwart it. I was being abducted a lot
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duringthistimeperioditseems,somaybethiswashavinganaffect on being able to stay in my body. Ive since learned that an after effectofbeingoutofthebodylikethatwill,formeanyway,involve temporary amnesia when back in the body again, lasting about 30 seconds.

AnAlmostSoulAbduction.HadanincidentwhereIwentto lie down for a nap and something tried to yank me out of my body.AsIlaythere,arapidspinningincirclessensationbegan, with wind blowing around and the feeling of being tugged upwards, out of my body. Id pull myself out of it and try to fall back to sleep again, only to have it repeat. This yanking went on likesixorseventimesinarow.Iallowedittogoonaslongasit did because I wasnt scared, and was curious to see if this was going to lead anywhere. Was I finally consciously witnessing an abduction?? But then, I heard something funny, some kind of audio,thisvoice,noise,something,thatsoundedlikeitwascoming from the end of a tunnel or tube, and THAT got me alarmed. It didnt sound like anything I can describe. I just know that the second I heard it, my eyes bugged out in my mind, there was subconsciousrecognitiongoingon,andthatswhenIfreakedout. ImentallyyelledoutNOOOO!!!NONONONONONONONO!!!!!! I abandoned the nap plans. As I sat up in bed I noticed that my bodyhadanelectricaltinglinesshappening,mostlycenteredinmy arms.Andwithinanhourafterwards,Idevelopedanotheroneof thosesmallpurplecircles,(EMenergysurgeburns,accordingto theCs)onmylowerleftarm.Igrabbedaphoto.

AstralGiraffe.Wenttobedonenightbutsomethingdidnt feelright.Hadaslightlyfearfulfeeling,althoughIdidmybestto squelchitdown.Didasmallintentionforprotection,thenzonked out.WellIawokelikeanhourlater(layingonmystomach,my headfacedtotheleft)tothesoundsofwindwhippingaround,and me spinning clockwise, around and around and around. Everythingwasgettingfasterandfaster,thespinning,thewind,all the while as I lay there, paralyzed, unable to snap out of it. The
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wind got so crazy I had the sensation of my hair blowing all over the place, and I was actually getting physically sick from all the spinning.Itfinallyculminatedwithmescreamingoutinmymind NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (which actually had this bizarre, echo effect happening on top of the wind!) Then I was finally able to pull myself free from the spinning and wind, and unparalyzemyself.AsIdidso,Iturnedandlookedovermy leftshoulderandwasstartledtoseeabiggiraffeface,staringright at me. I mentally jumped. At first I thought it was a deer, then I realizedasIstaredatitthatnothatsactuallymorelikeagiraffe. [NOTE: Giraffes, owls and deer are all screen images common in abductionscenarios.]WhenIsayturnedandIjumped,Ididnt doitphysically.Iwasntfullyinmybody,becauseIdidntfeelthe coversorthebed.Itwasastral.ThenIwasbackinmybodyagain, feelingthebedandcovers.WhenIsnappedbackin,Ididntknow where I was for a second or two. I didnt even recognize my surroundings. Talk about disorientation! It took me a second or twotoadjustbackin,rememberwhereIwas,evenwhoIwas,and whatwashappening.Myheartwasracingandmynerveswereall standing on end, and I could STILL HEAR the remnants of the wind around me, and feel the effects on my body, even though I was now awake. Very loud, surrounding me over my head, whooshingthiswayandthat.Ipulledthecoversovermyheadto drown out the whooshing wind noise, like, AHHHHH!!! Shut UUUUP!!!Ineedtogetbacktosleep!!Ihavetogetupforwork!!! IdonthaveTIMEforthis. So I wonder what would have happened had I not fought this off,andallowedmyselftobetakenoutofmybody.WherewouldI havegone? Thisexperienceresultedinyetanotheroneoftheroundpurple circle marks that I sometimes used to get on my (left) arm. I snapped a photo of it, which can be found on my website in the AnomalousMarkingssection.

Practiceconfrontation.Inthemiddleofthenight(February 6,2005)Ifeltmybodystartingtoswirlandmoveabout,andpull
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upwards, like a soul abduction possibly, where I began to get pulled out of my body. Then I mentally connected with the presencebehindit,whichwasVERYfrightening.Whenfeelingit facetofacesotospeak,Iwasovercomewithfear.Couldntgeta grip on myself and combat it with nonfear, love, neutrality, positivethoughts,oranyofthetacticalgoalsIdhadinmindatthat time. Ijust fell apartandpanicked. Wasalso slightly paralyzed. I mentallythoughtno!no!no!no!no!no!no!andforcedmyselfout oftheparalysisandthepanic,myheartracing,nervesonend. ButIimmediatelyheardafriendly,kind,warmthoughtform cut in, which sympathized and told me, Dont worrywith practiceyoucandoit.It,asItelepathicallyunderstoodittobe, wastheabilitytooverridethefearandfacetheabductorsheadon and pull myself out of their grips without completely losing it. REALLYinterestingandweirdtogetthatfeedback
Suspicious Stuff as an Adult

When looking for indicators of whether or not youve been abducted,youhavetolookateverything,nomatterhowseemingly trivialorstupiditinitiallyappears.Thisisbecausetheywipeout memories, so all there is to go on are the covert, very subtle indicators that something is amiss. Its all we have. So really nitpick and scrutinize. Dont forget, weve all been raised on Hollyweird movies, where everything is DRAMATIC and EXAGGERATEDandOBVIOUS.Well,reallifeisalotmoresubtle. Which is why people tend to miss so much of it. Theyre waiting forbigexaggerateddramaandstufftobespelledoutforthemthat they completely overlook stuff thats happening right under their nose.(myselfincluded,Imdefinitelyguiltyofhavingdonethistoo manytimestocount,whichiswhyIknowenoughnowtopasson the tip.) So I recommend making a list of ALL suspect events, no matter how silly it may seem to be. Sometimes even the littlest thingscanpointtosomething.Somethingswillturnouttohavea logical explanation and can be either discarded, or at least put on
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the backburner. But some may not. And those are the incidents andeventsworthfocusingon.Fromthere,lookcloser,andexpand your scrutiny into the rest of the aspects of your life. Ive experimented with a pendulum, dowsing answers to confirm whether my own incidents were what I thought they were. For yourexperiences,dowhatworksforyou.

SmashandGrab.InAprilorMayof1995Iwasatthatpoint living in one of the rooms at the hotel I was working at. It was a temporary situation, being that I was planning to leave on a cross country road trip with my then boyfriend in June. I was renting one of two full size, regular nice hotel rooms that happened to be locatedinthebasementlevel,downthehallfromHousekeeping. Theywerethereforemployeestouse,basically.Thehallwayledto theparkinggarage,givingitoutsidestreetaccess.Itwasabizarre time period for me, full of emotional highs and lows, periods of exhilaration and depression/despondency. So one night Im lying onmybed,inthedark,goingthroughanotheroneofmyextreme emotionallows,feelingsuicidalanddespondent.Theonlylightin the room came from the parking lot lights that shone through the small window up by the ceiling, which was on the level of the parkinglot. Butitwasenoughtoseearoundtheroom.AndasI waslyingthere,wishingtodieandfeelingverydespondent,Ihad this sudden hallucination of what appeared to be a military looking guy silently burstingintomyroom, automatic rifle drawn and pointed at me, rushing silently right up on meand thats whereIpulledoutofthehallucination,gaspingandsittingupin bed,likeAHHH!WHATWASTHAT!!!IhadNOexplanationfor this,asIwasNOTsomebodypronetohallucinations.Itmadeno sense. But I soon put it out of my mind, then forgot about it altogether. YearslaterwhilereadinguponMILABsresearch,Icontinually came across references to what I term the smash and grab methodoftakinganabductee,discussedinPartIofthiswriteup. And as mentioned, I always thought this method of operation seemed a bit ridiculous. My hotel memory was still obviously
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buried, forgotten. Until one morning in 2004 when, while questioningmyFlagstaffArizonaincident(followingthisincident) IwonderedwhetherIhadeverhadanytelltalefunnyhappenings inanyofthehotelsIdeverstayedatduringmytravels. Then this memory resurfaced. A full ten years later. And I literallypulledaHomeAloneinthemirror.MyeyesgotHUGE, my mouth dropped open, my hands involuntarily went up to my face,clutchingit,adrenalinesurging.ItwasalookofhorrorthatI cant duplicate now, funny enough. It was like the floor dropped out from under me. I just could not BELIEVE that I could have forgotten this incident!!! Id been reading about MILABs for the past two and half years by that point, and never once did I remember this hotel incident. If ever they were going to snag me via Smash and Grab, that period of living at the hotel was absolutelyopportune.Iwaslivingatahotel,inthebasement,with ahallwaythathadparkinggarage/streetaccess.Hello.Comingin through the unlocked parking garage door in the middle of the night,grabbingmeandhaulingmeout,unseen,wouldhavebeena pieceofcake.Itwasalmosttooeasyinfact. This hallucination of a military guy bursting in to my room wasprobablynotsomethingthathappenedtomeatthetimethatI saw it in my mind, while lying on my bed. Rather, it was more likely a flashback memory of something that had recently taken place, and it was bubbling up to the surface as I laid there, in a blank, numbed, depressed stupor. In fact, Id venture to say that abductions/programming was causing me to fluctuate into these inexplicable depressed stupors in the first place. 19951996 was a time period where I obsessed about my death, as well as continuallyputtingmyselfintodangeroussituationsthatwouldget me killed. I went through another similar period back in 1991 1992,alwaysfantasizingaboutguyshavingaguntomyheadand killingme.Notnormal!SoundslikeMILABsstufftome,nowthat Ivestudieduponitall.

PossibleFlagstaff/Sedona,Arizonaabduction.InJulyof1996, while living in Orange County, CA I decided one day on a whim
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that I was going to drive out to Flagstaff/Sedona Arizona on my twodaysofffromwork.IhadnoideawhyIwantedtodothis,the idea just popped into my head, and I went along with it. My coworkers, roommateseven my boss Edwin, who I was buddies with, were all like, Why?!? I dont know, was my response. Soundslikefun!Whynot!AndsoIdidit.Drovetheeighthours fromOrangeCountytoFlagstaff,andgotaroomforthenightata Motel 6. I got dinner at McDonalds, then wandered around outsidethemotelonthetraintracks,kickingrocksaround,looking upatthestars,wonderinghuhnowwhat??WhatamIsupposed to do?? I remember looking at the star Betelgeuse, red and prominent, and even hoping to see a UFO, since I was in UFO country.Nosuchluckthough.Itwastenp.m.andIdidntknow whatthepointofallthiswas.Iwastired,andsodecidedtojustgo to bed. Once in bed, I remember lying there, doing some sort of praying, trying to see if I could feel a connection to any sort of anythingspiritual,Godish,angellike,orwhatever.Feltabsolutely nothing, which was a bit of a let down. I realized I really am completely alone here in life, totally on my own. Oh well. No surprisethere.Thenthatwasit,Iwasoutforthenight. In the morning I was unable to wake right away, feeling unnaturallygroggyandwipedout.SomuchsothatIcouldntget outofbedintimeforthe11a.m.checkout.Hadtogetanextension to1p.m.andeventhenIhadtoforcemyselftogetup.AsfarasI can tell I had no memories of waking during the night, although that may be incorrect, Im not 100% positive on it. At the time I didnt think anything of it, figured I was just tired from all that driving the day before. Finally just got up, got dressed, and checkedout.Tookaspindownthe17,butnothingtooexciting.I didntknowhowtogettotheactualtownofSedona,sonevergot that far. Bought pair of earrings from a roadside Indian woman, andfinallylefttomaketheeighthourtrekbacktoOrangeCounty. Knowing what I know now about the Flagstaff/Sedona area, and the fact that there are bases and a huge amount of alien/militaryactivityhappeningthere,andhowsometimesstuff
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will get you to drive to them makes me seriously question this entireepisode.

Gray Overlay ? After moving up to Portland to roommate withmybrotherJoe,hehadmademe awareofourjoint statusas supposed alien abductees. There was a strange incident that occurredonenightwhileIwaslyingonmysleepingbag.Joewas sittingontheedgeofhisbedtomyleft,flippingthroughsomething thathewasreading,whileIlayinmyownbed,underthecovers, staring at the ceiling. And thats when I suddenly felt like I was slipping under water. It felt like I was sinking down, slipping away, and through my eyes things looked as if they were moving away from me. It became hazy and heavy and dream like. As I slippeddown,Isawmybrotherglanceupatmeashereadthen doaHolyshit!!doubletake,eyesbuggingout.Hehadgenuine shockandactualfearonhisfaceashelookedatme,likehecouldnt believewhathewasseeing.Andthiswasakidwhowasabsolutely fearless by that point in life. Finally he managed to sputter out somethingabouthowhedseenmeturningintoaGray! His voice yanked me out of this dreamy, slippingunderthe wavestrancestateandforasplitsecondIfeltslightannoyance, forsomeoddandinterestingreason. I turned to look at him, coming back into myself, and he excitedly explained what it looked like to him. I was lying there, andthen.myfacemorphedintoaGrayface.Iknewmybrother longenoughtoknowwhenhewasbeingsincereandwhenhewas bullshitting,andrightnow,hewasbeingsincere.WhetherIreally had actually started to turn into a Gray, I dont know, but I knew that he truly believed that hed seen that. And I definitely felt something really strange going on at the exact same time that he did that Holy shit!! double take, so, I dont doubt that this happened. Shortly after that incident I was handing something to my brother,andforthefirsttimeIconsciouslynoticedmyfingersasI reached toward him. I was gripping the object with only three fingers, my pinky and ring fingers bent down, as if they were
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superfluous. I stopped in midair, frowning at my hand. Then I resumedgivingittohimand mentioned it to him. I realized that Id been doing this with everything in fact for a little bit of time nowsince my October abduction two months before, actually. I didnt like it, because what was THAT supposed to mean?? Morphing into a Gray in front of my brotherusing three fingers.itwasallveryworrisome,andIdidntlikeitonebit.

The pen from nowhere. A great example of an artificial synchronicity:ItwasthefinalweekatmytempjobupinPortland, and several of my coworkers who liked me had suggested that I should apply to work for the company permanently. For kicks, I wenttotheHRdepartmenttogetanapplicationeventhoughIwas planning to move to Florida. In the elevator ride back up to the office,Istoodthereagainsttherightwall,holdingtheapplication, wonderingWhatexactlyamIdoinghere?AmIgoingtostayin Portland and use my money to get an apartment downtown somewhere? Or am I going to move to Florida? Should I fill this outornot?Imeanseriously,whatamIdoinghere?? Andrightthen,astheelevatorstoppedtoletaguyout,asilver Crossbrandpenslidacrosstheelevatorfloor,spinningwithforce andcomingtoastoprightatmyfeet,perfectly. Ilookeddownatthepenatmyfeet,myeyeswide. Ilookedbehindme,fromwhereitcamethebackleftcornerof theelevator. Nobody was standing there. The only other person in the elevatorwasawomanstandingagainsttheoppositewall.Shetoo lookedatthebackcorner,wideeyedwithdisbelief.Itwasshewho said,Itsthepenfromnowhere! Ibentdownandpickeditup,like,Huhwillyoulookatthat. Imstandingherecontemplatingwhethertofilloutthisapplication, andsomethingtossesapenatme,landingatmyfeet.Itwassucha government agent them pen too. Heavy weight, smooth silver Crosspen.Nice.;)[Andonasidenotetheexactkindofpenmy dad always liked when I was growing up, which will make more
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sense in the context of what I have to say about him and his uncannysimilaritytoThemintheAppendix.] Idebatedaboutthemeaningofthisunbelievablecoincidence. Eithertheywantmetofillouttheappandgoforthejobandstay inPortlandbecauseitsactuallybadformeso,sabotageor,this reallyisasignfromsomethinggoodthatIshouldstayhereand forfeittheFloridaidea. hmm. IdecidedtogotoFlorida.AsInowknow,positiveforcesdont workbygenerating artificialsynchronicities. Plainandsimple. If itsafarfetchedartificialsynchthenitaintgood.Moveon.

Poweroutagephobia.Nottoolongaftermovingintomynew apartment in Fort Lauderdale, I realized I had an actual phobia aboutthepowergoingout.Idneverexperiencedthatbeforeinmy life, but on one occasion when the power glitched I had an immediateanxiety attack, looked around wildly, heart racing, and made a beeline for the front door, bursting outside like a nut. Gettingoutsidewassafe,Iknew.Icouldruntofreedom.Being caught in a closed in apartment, in the pitch blackness was very, very dangerous. This became so much of an issue that I set up flashlightlanternsaroundtheapartmentintheeventthatthisever happenedwhileIwasnotnearthefrontdoor.IhadNOintention ofbeingcaughtinthepitchblack,unabletoknoworseewhatwas going on around me. So I had lanterns in the bathroom, in the kitchen,andanotherrightnexttomybed.Thisisntnormal!But interestingly enough, I encountered another alien/MILAB female on a message board who was the exact same way. She also had flashlights set up around her apartment, due to an issue about being suddenly caught in the dark. This means something, in my opinion, and is indicative of something possibly very negative happeningatnight,inthedark,orsomethingcuttingthepower andswoopingin,Idontknow.Ioncehadadream,relayedinthe Dreamssection,regardinginsectoidalienscuttingthepowerinmy old house in Connecticut and stealthily swooping in to come get me.So,thatseemstobeapossiblemodeofoperation.
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Symbolisms. Have a penchant for being attracted to all the Illuminati (dont know what else to call it) and mind control symbolismpyramids,suns,eyesofHorus,whiteowls,phoenixes, AliceinWonderland,shrooms,butterflies,etc.etc.AtonepointI had surrounded myself with many of this imagery in my apartment, it was all over the place. Until I learned what it all meant, then most of it came down. Dont know if this means anything or not, but mind control targets supposedly have that tendency to surround themselves with the imagery, which helps reinforcetheirprogramming.

Had several incidents back in Florida of waking up very suddenly, gasping, at 6:59 a.m. on the nose, like I was put back literally a minute before my alarm was to go off. One of those times, I came back with my adrenaline still going. Couldnt rememberanything,yet,IhadtotalresidualafteraffectsofMAJOR stress,anxiety,andtrauma.FeltREALLYfrazzled.Itstayedwith me all day, and even my coworkers knew something was wrong withme.WhenIwas sayingsomethingin a frazzledway, one of them joked, Hey, calm down, before you give yourself an aneurism!Mypersonalitybythispointinlifewasnormallyvery easygoingandrelaxed.Sothiswascompletelyoutofcharacterfor me.

Woke up one morning in Florida in 2003, feeling drunk exceptIhadntbeendrinking.IwasSOdizzy,Icouldbarelystand up,anditlastedforhalftheday,wellintotheafternoon.Therewas nothing else wrong with me, just a feeling of being drunk, but, without the drunk. I didnt even think to take a pee sample first thing after waking, because I had no idea where to go with it or whattodowithit.ButwhenIpendulumdowsedthisincident,it was confirmed that I indeed still had drugs flowing through my systemfromanabductionandhadItakenapeesampleandhad it tested, the drugs would have shown up. Now I know to do thissoofcourse,nowtheydontletthishappenanymore.Things
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openly happen when they know youre not on the ball and wont doanythingaboutit.
Sidetrack Circus Diversion Harassment

In the opening introduction to this piece I mentioned that oftentimes,higherrealmentitiesaretoyingwithus,thesamewaya cat will bat around its prey. But sometimes theyre doing more, andsoitsimportanttolearnthedifference.Andthatswherethis sectioncomesin.InFebruary2002afterImadeabreakinlifefrom my brother (who was a heavily programmed MILABs target) and moved to Florida, I hooked up with my current boyfriend of four years, Tom, and life became.very strange, to say the least. Life had already been strange anyway, but before all this it had been more paranormal strange. Now, it was getting aliens and UFO strange!Tomrunsawebsiteonallthingsrelatingtometaphysics, conspiracy abductions, and hyperdimensional manipulation in humanaffairs.Becauseofwhoheis,hesbeenalifelongtargetof alienabductions,andpossiblyMILABsaswell.SowhenIhooked upwithhiminlife,stufftookahugeinterestinouraffairsandI suddenlybecameamarkedtargetaswell.Notjustbecauseofmy involvementwithTom,butalsoforpartingwaysfrommybrother and breaking from my programming. I apparently wasnt supposedtodothat.Sosuddenly,eyeswereonme. Allthroughout2002andinto2003webothbeganexperiencing what Ive now termed sidetrack circus diversion/fear and paranoiagenerator!incidents(cuecircusmusichere)designedto do exactly as it sounds send us into a tailspin of fear and paranoia, obsessively going in loops about these distracting incidentsand even hopefully break us up, if all went well. Had we been different people, and had the situation been left unchecked, it could have easily disintegrated into the type of paranoia and craziness one sometimes finds with abductees. The thingthatultimatelysavedmewasalsooneofmyweakerpoints my ability to tune stuff out, turn away and go back about my
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businessandputitalloutofmyhead.Itsoneofmybigdownfalls because its kept me in a state of obliviousness or denial over the years with regards to certain things WAY longer than necessary, butyetitsalsothesameresponse/behaviorthatkeptmyfrequency leveled. Being relatively level, (regardless of the reason) versus beingworkedup,paranoidandterrorizedprobablypreventedfar worse things from happening to me, which carried me through untilIfinallygleanedmybigmomentofinsightregardingthefear frequencyinAprilof2003. OnceIwastoldaboutthefearfrequency,andheardthatthisis what was being done to me all those months, I stopped whatever fear I did have literally, overnight. And consequently, most of theserandomweirdeventsstoppedaswell,reflectingthatshiftin awareness.Icouldnttakeanyofitseriouslyanymore,andsothey nolongerhadausefordoingthatstuff.Andatthispoint,in2006, Tom and I rarely if never get incidents like this anymore. Thats pretty astounding in its implications. To go from there to here means something pretty big changed. That something was our mindsets, and its something more abductees could benefit from realizing.Iwanttostressagainthoughthatremaininginastateof denialaboutthingswouldnthaveworkedforeverignoringstuff willonlygetyousofar,asIoutlinefurtherinPartIII.Butagain,it at least helped carry me through until I could get to a place of awarenessthatenabledmetotackleitallstraighton,withnofear. So with that in mind, the following incidents are the kind of random, crazy sounding, harassment/fear generator/distraction tacticsoneoftenhearsaboutwithMILABSabductees: AlienintheCloud.InMarchof2002,shortlyafterarrivingto Florida,Iwaslyingonthebeachonelateafternoonwithmyhead restingonmybackpack,justrelaxingandenjoyingthesoundofthe waves and the ocean breeze rustling the palm fronds. I had a thoughtformasIcallitgothroughmyhead,urgingmetolook attheclouds,saying,Youcouldlookforshapesintheclouds!In responseIthought,(beforeevenrealizingthatIwasarguingwitha
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thought form in my head) Uh, yeah, I COULD, but, thats not something I would normally DO. Just kind of sarcastic. Im not intofancifulstufflikelookingforshapesintheclouds.;)Towhich it responded back with, Look!! Youll see an alien face!! So, I looked.Stillverycalm,notquestioningthiswholeexchangeatall. And sure enoughthere it was. Straight up at 12:00, an absolute perfect alien face sculpted from a cloud that was connected to a neighboring cloud. A white tear drop head, big slanted blue eye cut out of the cloud, a blue blip nose and blue slit mouth. Absolutelystunninglyperfect,ineveryway.ManaliveifIdonly hadacamerawithmetograbashot!!Thethoughtformvoicewas happyandgiddyaboutthistoo,proudinachildlikeway.Likeit wassaying,WOW!!!ThisissoCOOL!! Look what I did! Look! Look!Hehehehehe!Thealiendissipatedawayveryquickly. This incident may sound nuts, but in the work of Fritz Springmeier, hes been the only source that Ive found which confirmswithin back to back sentences no less...their ability to sculpt clouds using energy, and to communicate to their abductees using ELF waves. These externally generated thought formsaremeshednearlyseamlesslywithyourown,whichiswhy forinstanceIdidntquestionwhatwashappeningandanswered backitfeltlikeitwasmyownthought.
Various types of nonlethal weapons have been created and are nowbeingused.Directedenergycanbeusedtosculptclouds.ELF wavescanbeusedtoplacethoughtsinpeoplesmindswithoutusing implants.FritzSpringmeier
And from the book MILABS by Dr. Helmut Lammer and MarionLammer:
Dr.Freysworkinthisfield,datingbacktothesixties,gaverisetothe socalled Frey Effect, which is commonly known as microwave hearing. It is noteworthy that alleged alien abductees and mind control victims report that they sometimes hear voices in their heads,althoughtheyarenotschizophrenic.page98

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More voices. So, speaking of hearing a voice in the mindshortly after moving into my new apartment in Fort Lauderdale,Iwasthinking one nightabout how closeId come to actuallybringingmybrotherJoewithmetoFlorida.Ihadalmost rentedatrailerandahitchtoattachtomycartoo,inordertohaul his belongings. Stupid in retrospect, but my programming was strong.However,Imanagedtobreakfromtheprogrammingand partedwayswithJoeinOregon,nevertoseehimagain. So I was thinking about all of that, frowning, having very negativeideasaboutJoeandfeelingEXTREMELYgratefulthatId ditched him in life, and then decided to bring the trash out to the dumpster. As I walked outside in front of where the cars for my building park, I accidentally slammed my thigh into something juttingout.Lookingdown,Isawitwasatrailerhitchontheback of one of the cars. I turned to continue towards the dumpster, in pain,rubbingmylegandcarryingthetrashbag,whenIthenheard amalevoiceinmymindcommandmetoStop!Lookatthelicense plate! I paused, frowning curiously, but started walking again towardsthedumpster. STOP! he commanded more forcefully. Look at the license plate!! Istoppedyetagain,actuallyturninghalfwayaround,lowering the trash bagbut then changed my mind and started walking again. LOOK AT THE LICENSE PLATE!!!! he screamed at me now, reallypissedoff. Alright!!Ithought,whirlingaroundandgoingbackovertothe neighborscar,squattingdowninfrontoftheplate.Likethealien inthecloudincident,thisvoicemeshednearlyseamlesslywithmy own thoughts, so I just responded to it without really questioning it. I stared at the plate. Alrightits from Michigan, I noted. Looking,looking.IknowImsupposedtoseesomethinghere,but Idontgetit.Thenumbersandlettersdidntmeananythingtome. Buttheresobviouslysomethingherelooking,looking.
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ThenIsawit.Thelicenseplateframe. ItsimplysaidJoseph. Thetrailerhitchwhichsmashedmythigh.Onthecarwiththe plate frame that said Joseph. Right after thinking intensely about howgladIwasthatIdidntgetthattrailerandhitchandactually bringJosephtoFloridawithme.Andthenthemscreamingatme aboutitall.Okeydokey.AndIcontinuedtothedumpstertotoss inmybag. Inretrospectonehastowonderhowthisamazingsynchronicity wasorchestrated.

Beeping noises in the air. For a period of time in Florida, in 2002andinto2003,Iwouldheartheseelectronicbeepingnoisesin my apartment that would happen in midair, coming from an invisiblesourceofsomesort.LateranepisodeoccurredwithTom there as a witness. It happened up in the air by the vent in the walland then beeped twice more, moving down the hallwayactuallyechoing,liketherewasarealsomethingthere, in the apartment, invisible, moving about. And the fact that it echoedbetweenthewallswasamazing.

Invisibility. but even weirder was the time when somebody, who knows what, arrived in my closet. I was by myself in the living room, reading,when I heard a loud thump in mycloset/laundryroom.Andthenwhatsoundedlikeapersonin the closet, losing their balance and falling over. Just this thumping and banging around, like somebody the size and weight of an adult human had materialized there and then fell over and was rustling about. And it wasnt my cat, because she was in the living room area with me. The closet door was open slightly, about six inches, but I didnt get up to go investigate. I nervouslywentbacktoreadingwithmybacktothecloset.Within aminuteorsoIsawsomethingmovingaroundoutofthecornerof my eye, and looked over to see a really faint, barely visible black shadowy thing moving slowly about over in that area of the kitchen/hall/closet. Whatever it was, it was trying to be quiet and
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gounnoticed.Problemwas,Ihearditarrive,andIcouldseeitwith my peripheral vision. So despite their cloaking, their presence wasknown.NowIwasspookedandgotup,grabbedmybackpack and left the apartment for several hours. I returned later, not worried about anything though. That was so me back then. Justputitoutofmyhead,lalala,andmoveonwiththings. Side note: From the website Alien Jigsaw I recently found thisveryinterestingtidbit,(boldedwordsmyownemphasis):
Another interesting paper concerning Information Warfare is classified and only individuals with appropriate security clearances can obtain a copy from the Defense Technical Information Center in FortBelvoir,Virginia.[27]However,youcanreadintheabstractthat this paper explores holographic image projection, cloaking devices and multispectral camouflage which will provide enhanced military deceptioncapability.ItisjustpossiblethatMILABvictimsarebeing usedastheguineapigsfortheseresearchprograms.Becausetheyare secretive,theyarenotundercongressionaloversight.

Strange voicemails and phone call interference. My first experience with anomalous phone happenings occurred while still roommating with my brother in Portland, approximately January 2002. I dialed into my cell phone voicemail one morning whileatworkandfoundamessagethatwentonandonforseveral minutes.the sound of marching jackboots. Thats it. Nothing else.Barelyanybodyevenhadmypersonalphonenumber,andthe few of people who did wouldnt do something like that. It was bizarre, and actually creeped me out. If Im not mistaken, this message actually happened TWICE. But I wasnt documenting things back then, so I dont have dates. But the same day that I received the first message, my brother claimed that the Nissan he was driving, which Id given him for free back in California, had caught fire, or experienced some kind of explosion within the enginethatactuallyblewoffthehoodofthecar,causingafire.So thecarwasgone,burned,andhadbeentowedaway.Thisinitself was a set up, attempting to cause a situation of my already pennilessandunemployedbrothertohavetofurtherrelyonmeto
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keep taking care of him in life. I have zero proof that this really happened to Joes carbut he did tell me the story before even hearingaboutthejackbootsphonemessage. The next anomalous message occurred after moving to Florida, inaboutAprilof2002.Itwasstrange,likeawhooshingwindnoise, andtheserandom,weird,farawaysoundingblips,andfinallythe distorted,possiblyelectronicvoiceofalittlegirlsayingBye!and hittingoneofthenumberbuttonsonthephone.Tomfiguredoutit was the 9 button. What it all meant, I had no idea, but it was bizarre,andIdneverheardanythinglikethatbefore.Ihadloads ofstuffgoingonduringthistime,soitfitsrightin.Istillhavea copyofthismessage,andTomhasrunitthroughallsortsoffilter programstoseewhathecouldfind.Andtheresanothermessage too,but,yougettheidea. Some people may be dismissive of these messages as being wrongnumbersorcrankcalls,buttheinterestingthingistheyonly ever happened during those crazy times when I had a lot of negative abduction activity occurring, and when I was in a vulnerable position in life. So, thats an important factor in determining whether or not it as a sidetrack circus diversion/fear andparanoiageneratorevent. Thentheresphonecallinterference,whichhashappenedtome on four separate occasions that I can remember, with only two peopleinmylifeoncewhiletalkingtoJoebackin1999,andthree times with Tom. Phone interference as Ive experienced it wasnt forthepurposeofwreckingthephonecalltogetustohangup,but rather to announce their presence, let us know we were being listened to, and possibly instill fear too, Im sure. When it happenedtomeandJoe,thenoisescaredthecrapoutofme.One secondweweretaking,thenexttherewasaverysuddenandloud blaring crazy noise that caused me to jump and pull the phone awayfrommyear,heartracing,nervesstandingonend.Itwenton for a good ten seconds too. Its actually very similar to what happensinthemovieMothmanProphesies,whereIndridCold createsablasting noisethatcausesRichardGeretojump and pull thephoneawayfromhisear.Myincidenthappenedin99though, two years before the movie. With Tom, its always been like
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distorted electronic beeping. The three times with Tom were duringtimeswhenhewasbackinIowaforfamilystuffwhileIwas bymyselfathome. One of thosephone callswas a very big deal, the outcome of which would affect the timeline of our lives in a major way. Not only did we experience the distorted electronic beeping interference announcement during that particular call, butIalsohadtwoearringingsinthemiddleofitall.So,something wasdefinitelylisteningintoTHATconversationusingallpossible angles!

TheGrayhomelessguy.Thiswasduringthesummer/fallof 2002,whenallkindsofstrangeandbizarreeventswerehappening toTomandI.WewereidlingataredlightatBrowardandFederal in downtown Fort Lauderdale, when a homeless guy wearing the brightpinkSunSentinelTshirtapproachedTom,whowasdriving, and began chatting casually with him through the open window. Homeless people selling the Street Sheet for donations or the Sun Sentinel newspaper were commonplace at that particular intersection,sothiswasnormal.Sotheyrechatting,andImover inthepassengersideinmyownworld,notpayingmuchattention, thenthelightturnsgreen.Asthecarsinfrontofusbegintoslowly take off, homeless man suddenly changes you could say. He goes from easy breezy casual, to getting a sort of intense, serious lookabouthisface,leansinthroughthewindow,staringintentlyat me honing in on me for the first time and gives me a big V signwithhisfingers. ItwasatthispointthatIreallynoticedhowhelooked.Theguy was barely 5 feet tall, if that, probably about 90 pounds soaking wet, meaning, very tiny, and with a very pronounced triangular shaped face, and large alienlooking pale blue eyes, and very thin lips/small mouth. He lookedlikea barely disguised Gray alien in human form. And the way he was intensely staring me down, giving me the V, leaning partially into the car window was just bizarre.Ijuststaredbackathim,like,Huh??thenhepulledback outoftheway,andTombeganmovingforward.TomandIwere bothlike,WhatwasTHAT??Damn!
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FinallyseeingThem.August,2002.TomandIdecidedtogo toDennysinthemiddleofthenight,around1:45a.m.Atfirstwe chosetheoneonFederalHighway.Butwegetinthere,andtheres like, no people. Were pretty much the only customers, and not onlythat,butourserveristhisolderwomanwithabadcold.We heard her hacking and coughing up a lung before she even got to ourtable.WeorderedourCokesandwhenshewenttogetthem, hacking and coughing, we took off and bailed out, in search of a morehappeningDennys.Onewithpeople,andbetterservers.We headedfurtherupFederalHighway,andwoundupattheDennys onCommercialandFederal,whichwasjumping.Loadsofpeople. We take our seat, order our drinks, and are waiting, chatting, and peoplewatching. I was looking towards Tom when I suddenly felt them approaching,beforeIeversawthem.Ilookedupandseetwosuits coming down the aisle in our directionand both of their eyes werelockedrightonme, andonlyme. I stared rightback,which isntsomethingIdidatthetime.Havetoemphasizethat.Atthat timeIdidntstaredownstrangers,orlockeyesonpeoplelikethat. ThewayIfeltwasthatIcouldntNOTdoit,evenifIwantedto.I wasfrozen.Theyweredressedimpeccably,lookingjustlikegovt agenttypes.OneoftheguyswasCaucasian,tall,oversixfeet,with meat on his bones, just a big and tall guy. He had thinning/baldinglightbrownhair,paleskin,wascleanshaven,and waswearingafullsuit,withjacketandtieincluded.Thejacketand pants were dark gray, the shirt white. His face was plain white guy.Theotherguywasshorter,probablynomorethan58.His skin was tan, and his hair darker, and he had more hair than the other guy. His features were heavier than theother guy, a bigger nose,aheavierbrowbone.Hewasalsocleanshaven.Heworea crisp bright white dress shirt, gray pants, belt, a tie, but no jacket, unlike the other dude. He was the one I really looked at first, becausethatstheoneIfeltthedrawto.Hewasstaringmedown intensely,withalittlesmirkonhisface.Thevibewassexual.And I also recognized him. I had no conscious recollection of him, but I knew him. There was recognition. My attention then turnedbacktotheother,tallerguyastheywalkedbyme,andthat
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guywasalsostaringmedown,butinadifferentway.Hislookwas a mix of contempt and disdain, but also curiosity. Like hm. I didntrecognizehim,andIknewthathewasonlyseeingmefor thefirsttimeaswell. Astheypassedbyourbooth,Itookanotherquickglanceback attheotherguywhoIrecognized,thenlookeddownatourtable, stillfrozeninplace.Theonlyfeelinggoingthroughmymindwas uhohlikealittlekid.IknewIddonesomethingwrongand hadthatfeelingofbeingintrouble.Iwasdefinitelynotdoingwhat Iwassupposedtobedoing,orwhatsomebodywantedmetobe doing, thats for sure. Part of it I think involved being with Tom. Theydonotlikehim,thatmuchIknow.Theplanhadapparently beentogetmetostickwithmybrotheratallcosts,nomatterwhat hewasdoing orhow nastyhe got,thus enabling himtocarry out his various criminal/agent provocateur programming commands whilesimultaneouslysabotagingmyownlife in theprocess; then, turnmybackonmybuddingfriendshipwithTomandnevermake it out of Portland, Oregon. Instead, I permanently ditched my brother,madeabreakforFlorida,andhookedupwithTom. I was still staring at the table, frozen, when Tom finally said What the hell was THAT?? Why were thoseguys staring at you likethat?!?Hewasfrowningandwatchingthemastheystopped at a booth behind us. He had no idea what was going on. I was finallyabletotellhimfrommyperspective. According to Tom, who was facing them, they paused first at the booth behind ours, of course, while I sat paralyzed in place. ThentheshorterguythatIrecognizedpulledoutacigaretteandlit it up. Then they moved further back, to a booth against the back wall of the restaurant. Tom said that in regards to the cigarette dude, his mannerisms and vibe in general was that of power. Like mafia. Just the way he lit his cigarette and carried himself. Totalpower.Itsfunny,becauseinretrospecthedidlookItalian.;) Then the shorter darker cigarette guy, the one I recognized, decidedtoheadtotherestroom,asanexcusetodoanotherbuzz by probably. I didnt see him head to the restroom, but, again, I felt him when he approached back around again. I intuitively
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lookedup,directlyathim.Hiseyeswerelockedonmefromover tenfeetawayasheneared,again,withthatsmirk. So, yup, that was them. Or, some of them, anyway. I had requestedpriortothisincidenttobeabletoseesomeofthem whileIwasoutandaboutintherealworldandbeabletoknow that it was them. Well, guess I got my wish. They picked the optimalplaceandtimetodoit,too.ADennysdinerattwointhe morningisperfect.Nobodyisgoingtobedressedliketheywereat aDennys,inthemiddleofthenight.Theytotallystoodout.Then factorinthetelepathictugandthesubconsciousrecognition,and well, there you go. There was no doubt in me and Toms minds who we were looking at. If it had been during the day, during workinghours,itcouldbedismissed. Itsinterestingtonotethatwestartedoutacompletelydifferent Dennysand bailed out to come to this one at the last minute. This begs the question and you know, maybe Im missing something here, but in order to cross paths with them at the secondDennys,thesituationhadtobesetuptogetustoleavethe first Dennys. Sois this saying that events were somehow arranged?Ifsohow?Who,andwhat,arethesepeople,that theycanmanipulatereality,andwhatinthefrickityfrackisgoing onhereanyway?

TheThermostat.Duringthissameexacttimeperiodwherewe saw them around August of 2002, I came home from work one afternoontofindseveralofmyapartmentwindowscrankedopen. ItwasAugustinSouthFlorida,whichmeansIhadtheA/Cgoing for my cat and all the windows closed as a result. Also, the bathroomdoorwasnowopenwhenithadbeenclosedwhenIleft, sinceIdidntwanttowasteA/Conthebathroom. Frowning,Iclosedthewindowsandbathroomdooragain,then wentovertotheA/Ctolookatthetemperaturegauge.Normallyit was always set between 72 75. Now it was set down to 69 degrees, exactly. So, someone had been there, and made their presenceknown.(seetheNumberSightingssubsectioninPartIII formoreonthenumber69inrelationtoMILABsactivities.)
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Voice from the radio. September 2002. Tom and I had just returnedfromanovernighttrip(toaCschannelingsessioninfact, an excerpt of which appears at the end of Part II) and we were unloading Toms car, making several trips back and forth into the apartment. I had turned on the radio inside the apartment while weunpacked,andasIwalkedinsidecarryingsomething,Ihearda male voice say from the radio, something reallyvile. I wont repeat it here, but it was something nobody would say over the radio, nor be allowed to by FCC regulations, lets just put it that way. Also, what he coincidentally said matched up to a yucko dream Id had the year before back when I lived in Portland. I couldhearthesmirkbehindthevilewordstoo. Itstoppedmeinmytracks,andIturnedandlookedbackatthe radio,holdingmystuff,thinking,DidIjusthearwhatIthoughtI heard?!?AmIimaginingthis???! AndasiftoanswermyquestionanddispelANYsortofdoubts about what was happening here, the voice went on to say something else that was ten times worse. But I cant remember it now. It was so disturbing that I immediately froze up and went into denial/rejection mode. He said it, shocked me into mental meltdownandIjust.blockeditout.ThenIturnedawayfromthe radio,feelingnumb,andwentbacktomybusiness.SoallIhaveis theknowledgethatsomethingwassaid,butwhatwassaidIcanno longer remember. Its been deleted. And the fact that I even have such a capability says something in itself, to me. Kind of revealssomethings.

Power repeatedly surging. On Halloween night in 2002, Tom was trying to set up our newly purchased web cam, so that we couldhaveiton,monitoringuswhileweslepttodeterabductions. Well, coincidentally, the power kept repeatedly surging/going outthatnightsixtimesinfactinterferingwiththeentirething. Admittedly, it scared me to no end because that was my mindset back then, plus I also had that newfound phobia about the power going out. Id occasionally experienced power glitches in that apartmentbut none like that, to that extent. And there hadnt
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beenanyinawhilenotuntilthenightweweretryingtosetupthe newwebcam.

The Black Helicopter, Round 1. November 18, 2002. Somethingwokemeupat7a.m.onthenose.(Wakeupcall,0700 hours...) As I sat up, squinty eyed, thinking huh?? I realized what it was there was a very loud, militarysounding helicopter outside just going, and going, and going, and going. Hovering. Right next to my building. As I got up to go investigate, walking acrossmyapartmenttothefrontdoor,mynerveswerestandingon end and my stomach was sinking, because I already knew. This had to do with me. But before I jumped to any conclusions, I needed to see for myself. So I opened the front door of my apartment and stepped outside and looked up into the bright and sunny and cheerful looking morning. Sure enough, there was a large, unmarked, matteblack colored military looking helicopter hoveringovertheleasingofficebuilding,nexttomine.Pointedin a beeline, straight at my front door. (Later research on the net wouldshowthattheclosestmatchtothebodyshapeofthisthingis a Comanchehelicopter.) Oooohhhkay, Ithought, lookingaround toseeifanybodyelsewashearingthis.Buttherewasntaneighbor tobefoundanywhere.AndIpromptlywentbackinsideandshut the door. It continued to hover outside and make a racket. As I came back inside, shaken, Tom sat up from bed and asked what was going on. I told him that there was a military helicopter hovering over the next building, pointed at my front door. WHAT??Hesatup.Hewantedtogooutandlookatitwithhis binoculars,butIrequestedthathenotdothat.Ididntwanthimto go out there and put himself in the middle of what I felt was something that had to do with me. Although they already know whoheisanyway.Butstill,theresnopointingoingoutthereand showing himself unnecessarily. I wanted to lay low, not go out thereandantagonizeanybody.[Differentmindsetbackthen.;)]I kept saying this isnt good, this isnt good really scared. The helicopter hovered for about another 30 seconds, then took off. It didnt hover any other buildings, and it didnt circle the
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neighborhood.Itjustcamein,pointeditselfatmyfrontdoor,and hovered there for several minutes until I went out and showed myselfandacknowledgedit.Thenitleft,withnofurtherbusiness. Whatsunusualaboutthisincident:1)Youdontnormallyhear aboutblackhelicoptersflyingabouturbanareasinbroaddaylight, harassingpeople.2)Nobodyelsenoticedthishelicopter.Nobody elsecameoutoftheirapartment.Notone.Ahugeblackmilitary helicopter was hovering over our buildings making an absolute racketat7a.m.,andnobodyevenpokedtheirheadouttoseewhat wasup???Actually,itkindofdoesntsurpriseme.

Black Helicopter, Round 2. May 7, 2003. Tom was back in Iowaatthispoint,abouttohittheroadinafewdaystodriveback toFlorida.HedbeenbackinIowaforalmostfivemonths,tohelp withfamilyissues,soIwasbacktolivingalonewithmycat.Iwas getting ready for work, and at 8 a.m. on the nose I heard the distinctivesoundofahelicopterapproachingoutsidefromtheback ofmyapartmentthenstopping,andhoveringverycloseby.Just goingandgoingandgoingandgoing.Myheartstopped.ohhhhhh shiiiiit,Ithought.Iwentoutthebackdoortogolook,andfounda shiny, all black, unmarked helicopter, with a large cross shaped thing sticking out from the back end, hovering low. Even the windowsweretintedblack.Itwaspointedinabeelineatmyback door this time. oh shit, I thought again. I ran for the phone and called Tom in Iowa. I was like, PLEASE answer your phone, PLEASE answer your phoneAnd luckily, he did, even though it was 7 a.m. his time. I held the phone up in the air outside so he was able to hear the ruckus that it was making. Talk about two worlds colliding Im supposed to be getting dressed for work, figuring out what to wear, meanwhile, theres a black helicopter pointing straight at my apartment back door. I stood outside, on thephonetalkingtoTomandnarratingthesituationwhilestaring up at it. At one point, it turned slightly to its left to look at me better.Itlookedlikeaninsectwhenitdidthat.Iwasalsofreaking outthatNOBODYseemedtoevennoticethatthiswashappening, nobody was coming out of their apartment, just like the last time.
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Then I noticed that wait, there was a black guy standing in the parkinglot,withhishandsinhispockets,gazingcuriouslyupatit, kindoflike,WTF??andthenlookingoveratme.Yay!Letshear itforwitnesses!:D FinallyIwentbackinsideandtoldTomthatIhadtogo,Ihave togetreadyforwork,forgetthis.Wehungup.Iwasshakingand scaredthenIheardthehelicoptermoveso that it was now right on top of my apartment, hovering loud and intimidating, right overwhereIstoodinmykitchen.Itriedtogoaboutmybusiness like normal, pretending this wasnt happening, lalala, hoping it would go away. But I felt lost and panicked, wondering why I didnthavesomesortofforewarningaboutthisfrommyintuition, orhigherself.Somethingthisbadshouldhavecomewithalittle bit of warningright?! I felt abandoned.. I was panicked about whattheyplannedtodo,andwhytheywerehere.Ikeptthinking,I didntDOanything!!IdidntDOanything!!!!ThenIwassayingto my higher self, Why didnt you tell me?? Why did you let this happen!!!Whydidyouletthishappen!!!! Then I got an answer. What I assume to be my higher self responded,sincethatswhoIwasaddressing,anditsoundedcalm, mature,andslightlyamused.Becausenothingsgoingtohappen to you, it said. It also sounded like me, btw. My own voice. Female, only older, and more mature and maternal sounding, the waymyhigherselfalwayssounds.Theexactquoteofwhatittold mewas:Treatthislikeyouwouldanentityattack.Movetothe center of the room and treat this like you would an entity attack, andwatchwhathappens. Okay,Ithought.Iwasstandingthere,staringdownatthefloor, browsfurrowed, interactingwith this thought form without really thinking about it. Thats the only way it seems to happen, Ive noticed. Its when Im not consciously focusing on whats happening,andamdistracted.WhenImconscious,Itendtolock upandthenthingscantgetthrough.SoIdidwhatittoldmeto do, and I turned from my spot in the kitchen and moved to the centeroftheapartment,thelivingroomarea,andstoodthere.It sounds corny, but, I remembered the scene at the end of the first Matrix,whereNeofullyrealizesthatitsallanillusion,andhesthe
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one in control. I thought about him stopping the bullets, and sayingNo.Like,Imnothavingthis.No.Thisisntmyreality. Sorry. I closed my eyes, outstretched my arms to each side, took a deep breath. The heli was still hovering and harassing, directly overhead. Then I changed my frequency, basically. Thats the only way to describe it. Like changing the radio dial. I had the mentality of No. Im not having this. Sorry. And I did exactly whatIwoulddoduringanentityharassment,repeatingNO.NO. NO. NO. Over and over again, firmly, and really and truly believing it and feeling no fear, whatsoever. Just a completely differentmindset,onewhereIfeltconnectedtomyhigherself,not havingthissituation. Anditimmediatelystopped.Thathelipulledupandtookoff, gettingoutofthereASAP. Islowlyopenedmyeyes,realizingthatitwasleaving,andvery rapidly,too.Agrinspreadovermyface.Ibecamegiddy,realizing I had the power to make this stop and go away. It had worked. Whoeverthatthoughtformwasgavemegoodadvice. A note about the time when this happened: The first time in Novemberitwas7a.m.onthenose.Thistimeitwas8a.m.exactly. Then I realizedDaylight Savings Time. Back in November DST wasover.Sowhoevertheywere,theydontgobyDST.

Black Helicopter, Round 3. May 10, 2003. Tom was now currently en route back to Florida, from Iowa. I was at Fort Lauderdalebeach,inthelatemorning.Hadgoneforawalkonthe beach, and there had been a police/patrol helicopter flying up the beach, over the water. I took note of it, thinking about my black helicoptersightingfromearlierintheweek,andcomparedthetwo helicopters,notingthedifferencesincolorsandbodystyles.Iwas focused heavily on the black helicopter incident, almost expecting to see another, even though Id never had such an experience at a beach, of all places. I went back to my car, as if I were going to leave, then remembered Hey, the point of me coming here was to goforawalkANDreadmybookafterwardsonmybeachchair.So
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Igrabbedmybeachchairoutofthetrunkandheadedbackoutto thesandandseteverythingup.Ihadjustfinishedapplyingsome suntanoilandwassettlinginwithmybookwhenIheardanother helicoptercomingupthebeach,frommyleft. Beforeevenlookingup,Iknew.Irecognizedthesoundofit,or else picked up on its frequency. Sure enough, approaching slowlyupthebeachwasanallblack,unmarked,glossyhelicopter withblacktintedwindows.Itwasbarelyoverthewaterline,pretty close to the sand where the people were sitting. But nobody seemedtonoticeit.AsitapproachedwhereIwassitting,itslowed downnoticeably.Ifixatedonitasitpassedby,thinkingoverand over to myself, Come oncome backcome backshow me whatyouremadeofcomebackcomebackcomeon,showme whatyouremadeofshowmewhatyouremadeofOverand over. By show me what youre made of, I was referencing the abilityforthemtoreadmythoughts. There wasno fear,onlyme daringthemwiththismanic,giddyglee. Andsotheydid. Theblackhelicopterimmediatelystopped,swungtightlyaround to the left, in a Uturn, and did an even slower fly by, right over whereIwassitting.Istaredupatthem,stillfixated.AtthispointI feltalittlefear,Iadmitit.PartlyIcouldntbelievethattheyreally COULD read my mind, and partly I was surprised that they responded, and did what I asked. I was like, Whoa, holy shit! Uhyeah,okay They continued their super slow fly by, and again, nobody around me seemed to notice it at all. Finally when it was far enoughawayitpickedupspeedandtookoffataregularpaceup thebeach,andwasgone.So,twoblackhelicoptersightingsinone week.ThiswasthesameweekthatTomwasenroutetocomeback to Florida from Iowa. Seems as if that was generating some attention.Also,goingtothebeachinthemorningontheweekend isnotnormallysomethingIdo,but,Ihadtheurgetodoitthisday.

Helicopters,Rounds4&5.Thefinaltwoepisodesinvolveda newmodeofoperation:flyinginhugecirclesoverourapartment
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building, as well as the fact that these helicopters werent solid black. Rather, they were a very dark blue color. For those two reasons I didnt think (at first) that they were black helicopter harassment, but several things indicated that it seemed to be the samething: Round 4 was on July 16, 2003 at 7:24 a.m. (Youll see in a minute why the time is important.) Just before this thing showed up,Ihadbeenhavingadreamaboutthemsinahelicopter;they showed up in my dream, looking for their 3 way radio. They were annoyed, and wanted their 3 way radio backwhatever thats supposed to mean. I can only guess. At the moment when therealhelicopterwasapproachingourapartment,mydreamtook aviolentturnandpeopleinmydreambeganattackingeachother, hitting each other with frying pans. (kind of funny I guess). I awoketohearthesoundofarealhelicopterbeginningitsrepetitive circlingoverhead.WhenTomwenttogooutandtakeapictureof it,(darkblueincolor,nomarkings)Ifeltlikethewindhadbeen takenoutofmysails,deflated,passive,likeIcouldntdomuchof anything, and even admonished him not to take pictures of it! (programming I suspect because I wouldnt do that now.) Our apartmentwasontheouteredgeofthecircleitwasflyingin,butas soon as I stepped foot outside, it coincidentally swung by right overwhereIstood.Wewentbackinside,listeningasitcontinued circlingoutside,andIrealizedIwasgettingmoreandmorescared. Notgood.SofinallyItoldTom,GivemeamomentandIlay onmybed,closedmyeyes,andpulledanotherChangetheRadio Dial. Within seconds of me doing that, the helicopter coincidentallyflewoff,andabruptlyendeditscircling. Round 5 occurred on August 6, 2003, at 8:24 a.m. Exactly one hourtotheMINUTEofRound4.Thisonelookedidenticaltothe last one, and as soon as we saw it matched, I looked for any abduction bruise markings on my legs. Sure enough, found the telltale perfectly round, deep purple bruise, on my calf below the knee. It hadnt been there the night before. This time instead of flyinginrepeatedcircles,thehelicopterflewallovertheplace,with norhymeorreasontoit,atall.Itwouldcircleovertheapartment
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thenflymoveoffandcircleaboutinthedistance,angledsideways, looking in our direction, then circle back over us, then move off again. Tom started immediately grabbing photos, and this time I overrodetheurgetonottakepictures!andgrabbedformyown camera.Onlyproblem wasthebatterywasmissing.Somehow the door casing had popped open, the battery had fallen out in my backpack, and the door had closed tightly again. I needed a butterknifetoprythisthingopentoputthebatterybackin!This had NEVER happened before in the two years Id had that camera!!!Igotthebatterybackinandfinallygotacoupleofshots, thennonchalantlydecidedtoheadofftoworknow.AsIdroveoff down the street, thehelicopterabandonedits random circling and followedmebehindthetreeline.WhenIgottothe4waystop,it too stoppedand pointed directly at my car. I took my camera, hungoutthewindowandgotanothershotofit.Thennonchalantly droveoff,smiling,listeningtoCDs,andsinging.Whatadifference afewmonthsmakes,thatsallIcansay.(Tomconfirmedthatthis helicopter stopped its circling after I left and drove off to work.) And we never had another helicopter harassment again. That afternoonwedidexperienceoneofthosetremendousblackclouds of doom though, documented inmy Anomalous Weather section ofmywebsite.

Coincidental Debunking Article. On a side note, I have to mentionthis.ButshortlyafterRound4and5,Ijustsohappenedto beglancingthroughtheSunSentinelpaperatworkandsawwhat of all things butan article talking about flight school helicopters that will fly in repeated circles over residential neighborhoods in Fort Lauderdale, annoying people. Nothing to see here folks, moveitalong,nothingtoseeButitgetsbetter.Laterthatvery afternoon Tom was driving north on Federal Highway and encountered a dark navy blue helicopter, identical to Rounds 4 & 5flyingsouthdirectlyoverFederal,rightoverhead.Thatwasthe onlytimethishaseverhappenedcoincidentallyonthesamedayI sawthearticle.Heevenhadathoughtabouthowthatwasweird to see the same variety of heli flying around in the citybut yet
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coincidentally directly over his car. It seemed to be enough of somethingthatshoweditreallywassuspiciousbutwithenough reason to doubt it thrown in. Later that night he thought to mention this to me, and I was like, OH YEAH! I almost forgot to tell you!! And we ran off to a 7/11 to see if they still had any newspapers so I could show him the article and clip it out. They did. ItwouldseemonasurfacelevelthatSee,itwasalljustflight schoolhelis,thatsallbutthentheresthenatureofthissynch both Tom and I independently encountering something on the samedaydesignedtoinstilldoubtorflatoutdebunkthesehelis; andmoreimportantly,allthecircumstancessurroundingRounds4 & 5 which show that they were indeed something and not just flightschoolhelis:So,itsonlyflightschoolhelis!?Sure,maybe justlikethearticlesays.Butmorelikelynot.Thatarticleactually soundedlikesomethingstraightoutofTheTrumanShow.

Another Them ? December 24, 2002. I wasnt sure what to make of this back when it happened, and I still dont. But considering what had been going on with me all this particular weekIhadmoremysteriousabductionbruisemarksonmylegs, painsinmyuterus,earringingsandstrangedreamsitprobablyis whatIthinkitis.IwasatWalgreensonBrowardBoulevardandI wasinthemagazineaisle,excitedlyreadinganarticleinNewsweek abouttheupcomingMatrixsequels.;)Soyeah,Iwaswayexcited, likereallygiddy,becauseImjustadweeblikethat. AsIwasreadingthearticle,Igotawhiffofsomeperfumestuff whichdidntsmellgoodtome.Ifrownedtomyselfandlookedup to see the source. I saw a well dressed, corporate looking older white guy who appeared to be in his 50s, who had just breezed pastmedowntheaisle.Hewasthesource.Ionlysawhimfrom behind.Hehadallwhitehair,andabrightwhitecleancrispdress shirtandgrayslacks,abelt,shineddressshoes.Nojacketthough. But impeccablydressed,spotlessly clean andunwrinkled. Almost too perfect. Stood out in this particular ghettoy Walgreens. The downtown office buildings are only a mile away, but still,
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everything surrounding the store was black ghetto. My first assumption was that hed just gotten off work, being that it was 5:15 p.m., and like I said, downtown was close by. I immediately dugbackintothearticle,notgivinghimanotherthought. A little while later I heard a really pointed and sarcastic voice say to me, Reading anything INTERESTING? I glanced up, to myleft,seeingthatitwasthesamewhitehairedcorporatedude breezingpastme,thistimegoingtheotherdirection.Wewerethe onlytwopeopleintheaislenow.Everybodyelsehadclearedout. He never slowed down. He never looked at me. He didnt wait,orwantfor,anysortofaresponse,unlikeeverysingleother harasser Ive encountered since moving to Florida. A harasser harasses you because they want that response, and even more importantly,theywanttoseeyourreaction.Heontheotherhand could have given two shits about what my response was. Total disdain. Evenmoreinterestingwasmyreaction.Normallyifsomebody were to say something like that I would have gotten annoyed. Possibly even yelled something sarcastic back in response. This time, as I stood there watching him breeze away from me it felt likethewindhadbeenletoutofmysailsandallIcoulddowas just stand there in a passive, childlike daze, watching him go. I was numb, blank. Unable to say something back even if I had wantedto,likementalcontrolhadbeenexertedonmetoshutme up. Factoring in a) what had already been happening to me that week, with b) how this guy was dressed it was identical to the twoThemsattheDennysfourmonthsearlier;c)thefacthehad thesamedisdainfulcontemptformeastheydid;d)thefactthathis cologne registered with me in some way, causing me to frown whilereading,ande)myinexplicableinabilitytotalkorrespondto his comments, and Im liable to thinkthat thiswasanotherThem, makingtheirpresenceknown. Both encounters also involved what I consider to be telepathic exchange.Inthefirstencounter,IfeltthembeforeIsawthem,and wastuggedtolookupbothtimesthattheypassedbyme,aswell asfeelingparalyzedinsomeway,beingunabletonotlookatthem;
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the second time I was rendered unable to speak and could only standthere,inablankdaze.Andtobehonest,Icantconfirmthat whatIheardhimsaywasactuallyspokenoutloud,becauseInever actuallysawhimsayit.Ivedemonstratedtheabilityonprevious occasionstoclearlyhearpeoplesthoughts,so,whoknows.

MIAThisoneseemssotrivialandunimportantthatIwas liable to dismiss ituntil encountering somebody else who claims to have experienced the same thing. But one time I was walking into the aforementioned Walgreens in Fort Lauderdale, and as I walkedtowardsthefrontdoors,Iseetwogrungyguysstandingoff to the side, smoking cigarettes, and one of them (who had a moustache) calls out towards me, Looks like we got ourselves anotherMIA. I knew he was saying it for my benefit, being that he was staringmedownashetookadragoffhiscigarette,soinsideIwas like, WTH?? I mean what is THAT supposed to mean? Another MIA?AnotherMissinginAction?Ifthatswhatitevenmeans. Okay.FortLauderdalewaslitteredwithcrazies,thewholeStreet Theater thing, so it wasnt surprising, but still, that was pretty pointedandstrange.SomuchsothatIfileditawayinthebackof mymindinsteadofdismissingit.
Like Ive mentioned before in my writings, corroboration usually comes around eventually, if youre patient. Sure enough, about a year or so later I mentioned this in passing on a message board forum and surprisingly, one of the regular members, a female whos had a lot of her own weirdness in life, posted that shes gotten the same exact comment. Looks like we got ourselves another MIA. Go figure. But nothing surprises me anymore.
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The Dreams
Dreams are often anything but. Sometimes they are actual memoriesofevents,comingoutwhilewesleep,screenmemoriesof suspect abduction events, or symbolic messages given to us in regards to abduction happenings, fed to us by our subconscious mind.Ifyoureanabductee,thenoneofthefirstplacesyoushould belookingatareyourdreams.Evenifyouhavehardlyanyactual memories, youll most likely receive indicators when you sleep. Followingaresomeofthemorebizarreandhighlysuspectdreams Ivehadovertheyears.Somemaybeactualmemories,andsome seem to be highly symbolic messages being conveyed through the subconscious.Anotherimportantaspectoftheseabductionrelated dreamsthatIvenoticedisthatwhensomethingisaroundinthe astral realms honing in on me, maybe planning to snag me, my dreamswilltakeasuddennegativeturn,reflectingthis.Eitherthe dream will turn morbid, or Ill see aliens and UFOs, acting as a heads up warning system that the crosshairs are on me and somethingisabouttotrytotakeme. Sowhateverthesedreamsare,theyreworthmentioningtogive thereaderanideaofwhatonecouldbelookingfor. TheUFO.UFOdreamwhenIwas13,ofaUFOhoveringover our house in Connecticut at night. I was out in the culdesac, under the streetlights, off to the side, just standing there watching it. The weirdest part was the Joe Walsh song that was playing, LifesBeenGood,almostlikeasoundtrackofsortstothewhole scene.!Itwasspecificallythemiddlepartofthesong,wherethe lyrics cut out and its just that trippy music part that goes on and on.

More UFOs. Dream sometime in my teens, of me chasing franticallyafteraUFO.EventhoughIwasateen,thedreamtook place in the field behind an apartment building in Westfield, Massachusetts,thatwelivedinuntilIwasthree.Iwasinthefield
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in the middle of a sunny morning with hazy summertime looking sky, and theres a UFO overhead, and its taking offwithout me!!!!!!!IpanicandrunafteritasfastasIcan,tearingthroughthe field,likeNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,absolutelydesperate.Itsso intense, and Im so determined, that they finally relent and I feel myselfliftingupintotheair,beingbroughtintotheUFO.Assoon asmyfeetleavethegroundIgolimpinabsolutebliss,completely happyandcontent.Icanfeelwhatitfeelsliketobesuspendedin theairwhilemovingupwards.Itsanawesomefeeling,likeflying. TheseconddreamwherethisoccurredIwasatagasstation,inthe middle of the day, with a blue sky, and theres a UFO overhead, again, taking off without me. I start to mentally think NOOOO, and chase after it, and get pulled (happily) up towards the UFO. Notnormal!

InsectoidGrayAliens.Reallystrange,creepydreaminvolving terrifyingGray/insectoidalienscuttingthepowerinmyoldhouse in Connecticut and swooping in to get us. In the dream, I was in my parents bedroom and there was a corpse in a coffin, and a pukey green colored rose on the coffin, and a bunch of other morbid nonsense which indicated that something was around andhijackingmysleepstate.Thenthepowerwentoffinthehouse inmydream.Iwentforthelightswitch,flickingitupanddown, upanddown,tonoavail.Itriedanotherlightswitch,andanother, andfinallyrealized,uhohhh,herewego!Iknewtheywere comingtogetme.Ilefttheroomandwentoutintothedarkened hallway and opened the door leading downstairs. From the light coming in through the front door downstairs, I could see the silhouette of a REALLY creepy alien making its way up the stairs forme.Ithadabald,roundhead,andreallylonglimbs.Topicture thewaythisthingmoved,standup,thensquatdownalittle.Now, imagine walking up stairs very quickly in that same squatting position with your knees sticking out like that, hips swaying a bit backandforth,withthelongthinarms.Wellthatshowthisthing moved.Iveneverseenanythinglikethatinanymovie,soitdidnt come from Hollyweird. When I saw that coming up the stairs, I
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knewtheresnowheretorun.Youcanthidefromthem.Youre cornered, and theyre going to get you. And so I decided if Im going down, then Im taking it down with me. Fuck them. And instead of running, or just freezing there and letting it get me, I hurled myself at it with my arms outstretched, to grab it and go headtoheadwithit.AsIfellthroughtheair,silentlyinthedark, thealiendisappeared.Ifellthroughit.Iturnedaroundinmidfall downthestairs,soIwasfacingthedooratthetop,whereIhadjust been standing. My last thought as I fell slowly through the air beforeawakingwasIbetsomethinglikethisreallyhappenedtous whenwelivedinConnecticut

TimeTravelandtheUFO.Thisonewasatrip.Iwaslivingin Fort Lauderdale and I found myself having a dream one night where I was suddenly sitting on a rock alongside a stream/creek somewhereinsouthFlorida500yearsago.Sittingtomyrighton therockwasa(Native American?) woman. I satthere in a dazed awe, looking around like Wow! and somehow knew that it wastheearly1500s.Itwasmorningandthesunwasout,thesky hazy and kind of thick, the sky had a yellow white hue to everything. There were no buildings around. Just the stream in frontofmeandtallgrassandopenland.Itwasquietandpeaceful. AndthemoreinterestingthingtonoteisthatIdidntcommunicate verballywiththeIndianwoman.Wecommunicatedtelepathically. I hardly had any time to really even get into a discussion because thingsgotcutshortprematurely,andalsoIwasstillabsorbingthe factthat..Iminthe1500s.!SotheonlythingIcouldthinkto ask her at first mentally, not with verbal speech was whether Miamiexistedyet!Shesaid,Yes,Meahmeexistsworkingin the correction on my pronunciation! :D Imagine that. I telepathically understood Meahme, as she pronounced it, to be a settlement,nottoofarfromwherewewere.Thatmademesmile, likewowMiamiisalreadyaround!Cool. Andthenwouldntyouknowit,butanannoyedUFOwhizzed up to where we were. I glanced up at the black colored disc approaching, which slowed to a hover above us to the left, and
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telepathically felt its annoyance at me. It was conveying very loudly, with a robotic sort of voice, WHAT ARE YOU DOINGSTOP THAT RIGHT NOWSTOP THATSTOP It wantedtoputanimmediatestoptothis,andsquelchmebackinto place. In my dream I sighed and felt limp, knowing the drill and immediately resigned myself, knowing there was nothing I coulddotostopthemfromcontrollingthesituation.Thatswhere itabruptlyends.

TheBlackBox.AdreamwhenIlivedbackinFloridawhereI wasshownsomethingabouthowTheyhadconnectedablack box to my heart, and had control over whether I lived or died. Therewasaswitch/buttonontheblackboxthattheycouldturnmy lifeonoroffwith.Thedreamseemedtotakeplaceinamixof whereIgrewupinMassachusettsandConnecticut,andIwaslying on a table, and there were people in white coats around me, performingtheblackboxheartprocedure.ButIseemedtobeme atmyagenow,inthepresent,ratherthanakid.Icouldseeoutthe windows that it was sunny and blue skied outside. A weird muddleddream.

TheGray.HadadreamwhereIwasinwhatappearedtobe anotheroneofthoseundergroundfacilities,nowindows.AndIm walking along, and see up ahead, about twenty feet from me, a Grayalien.Littlething,aboutfourfeethigh,withthebulboushead and large black eyes. Its stopped in place, glancing sideways at me.AssoonasIseeitIfrowninside,likegrrrrrrrrrrandjustgo limpgivingup.EXPECTINGthemindcontrolbeamstocome offit,controllingme,andknowingtheresabsolutelynothingIcan do about it. Another instance of knowing the drill. Except for some reasonnothing happens. My limp body just stands there, thenIperkup,withthisHuh??confusedfeeling,lookingaround. Nothing had happened. Im not under any mind control. And I lookatthisGraybeingjuststandingthereandIchargeafterhim, takingfulladvantageofthisrareopportunitywhereImnotunder thecontrolofthesebeingsandfreetodowhateverIwant.Freeto
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defend myself. Rage surges through me as I rush up to him and just start beating the crap out of this thing, pummeling him, screaming, cussing, hitting, kicking, going off like a crazy person, getting out all the pent up hostility from my apparently quite negativepreviousGrayexperiences.Exceptwhenmyfistshitthis thing, its REALLY hard. The skin is this sort of leathery stuff over what feels like a metal skeleton! And I hear this things thoughtsasitstartstohurryawayfromme.Itwouldnotbesafe for me to stand here much longerit would not be safe for me to stand here much longer Its completely emotionless. Its thoughts are just a sensory analysis of its environment. Its thin littlearmsmoveupanddownasittakesoff,gettingawayfromme. Myfistsdrop,Ifrown,realizingthisthingisaCOMPUTER.Itsa frickingROBOT.Myangerdissipatesawayinconfusion.Itsnot arealsentientGraybeingatall,sotheresnopointinbeatingit up.Andthatstheendofthisdream.

My cat to the rescue. I had just moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida,andwokeuponemorninginmymotelroomtotheimage inmymindofaveryvivid,illuminated,glowingrainbowagainsta black background. Two UFOs descended from each side of the rainbow, landing together in front of it. From there, all these imagesofGrayfacesfilledmymindseye.Eventhoughtheyall lookedthesameIrecognizedthem.Isensedindividualityorat least was able to feel the essence of them. I knew them. I dont knowhow.AndIbeganfightingwitheverythingIhadtogetout of my body and get to them. !!!! I strained with all my might, reachingforthem,intotaldesperation. AsIfrantically beganpulling out of mybodytogetto them,I becameawareoftherestoftheroom,probablybecauseIwasnow mostlyoutofmybody.ThenIheardmycatsuddenlymeowfrom acrosstheroom.Sheranovertothebed,jumpedup,thenwalked up my stomach and chest, meowing at me in an urgent way the wholetimeasshewalked,andliterallyjuststoodthereontop ofme.
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Becauseshedidthat,andwasstandingonmychest,meowing inmyface,Isnappedoutofit.Ipulledbackintomybodyand woke up, and she jumped back off of me, watching me, as the image of the rainbow, UFOs and the Grays faded away in my minds eye. I came to, and sat up, realizing what had almost just happened.Ihavebeenextremelygratefulandthankfultomycatto this day for doing that. Im not sure exactly what would have happenedtomehadshenotintervened.Itsnotcustomaryforher to just jump on me while Im sleeping. Shed never done that beforeinthetwoyearsthatIdhadheratthatpoint.Onlytheone time when I was fighting to get out of my body to get to the Grays did she do that. Literally stood on top of me and preventedit,whetherintentionally,orinadvertently.

A dream? Or a real UFO/abduction? I dont know whether this was a dream or not, but deep down I believe this really happened.However,IllincludeitintheDreamssection,justin case.ButonenightinFlorida,inMarchorAprilof2002,(rightafter ImovedtomynewapartmentinFortLauderdale)Ihadjustgone tobedwhensuddenly,abrightbluewhitelightdescendedoutside the front of my apartment. Its light poured through the blinds coveringmyfrontwindow.Whateverthiswas,ithadtremendous force. I jumped out of bed, frantically grabbing for my cat to protect herright as the light source blew in my front window. Whichisamazing,consideringitwasastrong,trisectioned/slatted hurricane storm window. The glass and blinds flew in everywhere, landing all over the carpet, and now the noise level wasdoubled,andtherewasallthiswindandruckusmayhem,and brightbluewhitelightpouringin,andmorewindblowingaround. All I could do was just stand there, clutching my cat, facing the window(abouteightfeetfromit)frozeninplace,tooshockedtodo anything. I didnt make a run for the back door either. I was fortunate enough to have both a front and rear entrance to my apartment, but it was like I couldnt move. The bare minimum I could do was grab my cat, then just stand there, shocked into paralysis.AndthatsallIremember.
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I woke up the next morning, more than ten hours later very suddenly pushing myself up in bed with a HUGE gasp, eyes buggedout,whippingmyheadaroundtolookovermyshoulder, FULLY expecting to see my apartment completely trashed. It felt like it had only JUST happened, seconds beforewhen in reality morethantenhourshadpassed. The apartment was perfect. The window was in place, the blindswerethere,andsunlightlittheapartment.Outsidelifewas as calmandstillandpleasantascould be. My cat wasthere,and shewasfine.ThefeelingofconfusionanddisbeliefIfeltishardto convey.IKNEWtheapartmentshouldbetrashed.Tothecoreof my being I knew it had happened. Yet, the apartment was fine. Suspicious indicators: 1) it was like I was blacked out all night, I hadnodreams,nomemoriesofwakingupevenonceinthenight, and thats not normal for me; 2) waking as suddenly as I did, gasping; and 3) the feeling that no time had gone by at all, even though it had been ten hours its all indicative of being plunked backfromanabduction.Guessthingswererearrangedtoowhen Iwasplunkedback.Likeitneverhappened.

Fading abduction memory. Woke up in Florida one morning with an image in my mind of a short, pudgy, wrinkly old man with huge black eyes. Like a cross between a wrinkly pudgy old man midget and a Gray. It was in my mind, then faded out the moreIawoke.

KillingAlice(in)Wonderland.AtthestartofthedreamIwas walking down the semidark hallway of my old high school in Connecticut,linedwiththebluelockersthatusedtobethere.The lightsourcewasnaturallightcominginthroughthewindowsfrom the cloudy day outside. But I was me at my current age, and current personality with the way I dress, feeling very calm and amused.IsawagirlIwasoncefriendswith,buthereinthedream her face was a porcelain mask. (major mind control symbolism.) Shestaredatmestonefaced,withawhitepaintedface,redlipsand blushonhercheeks,lookinglikeaharlequinmask.Iwalkedpast
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hertotheendofthehallway,andintoroomthathadahugetankof waterfeaturingstudentstakingascubaclass,beingmonitoredby a themgovernmentagent guy,dressedin the white dress shirt, dressslacks,shoes,etc.Hewasbarkingsnidesarcasticunfriendly ordersatthem.Theroomwasdark,litbytheblueglowemanating fromthelargetankofwater.Laterinthedream,Iwasgoinginto my old bedroom in CT where I found Alison waiting for me behind my door, waiting to jump out and get me. She had long straightblondehairandbangs.AlisonWonderland,getit?Igot her first though. There was a scuffle, with me overpowering her andhittingherintheheadwithahammer,overandover,inslow motion.(tryingtokillthealiceinwonderlandprogramming?)I detachedfromthewholething,feelingmuted.AfterthatIplanned totakeoffonthelamtoescapekillingAlison,althoughIwasnt worriedorconcerned,Iwasinachildlikedaze.Iwasgettinginmy car to leave for this place that looked like a Middle Eastern Aladdintypecityinadesert.Pastelreddishbrownyellowpink desert hues. I had to leave my kitty behind, which saddened me. (btw, my black cat named Kitty is a remnant of the black cat namedKittyfromThroughtheLookingGlass,althoughIdidnt knowthatconsciouslyatthetimewhenIcustomorderedherinto mylifeandgaveherthesamenamethatAlicedidinthebook.Ive alsobeentoldthatIhaveAliceinWonderlandhair.Gofigure.) In my minds eye I saw the pastel desert hue colored Middle Easterncitywiththedomedarchitectureandall,andthats where thedreamended.

Symbolisms.Speakingofwhich,aroundthistimeperiodfall of 2002/winter 2003 I was having lots of strange and unusual dreams that featured many prominent mind control symbolisms dreamswhereIwasinelevators,goingupanddowntallbuildings; needing to get from floor to floor, getting off on the wrong floor and then having to find another elevator to get me to the correct floor; A LOT LOT LOT of elevator dreams. In several of these elevatordreamsIcouldfloatduetoalackofgravity;inoneIhad to use amped up sexual energy to keep myself afloat; in that
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particulardreamaguyappearedoutofnowhereandcommanded metogetintheelevator,soIdid,andstartedfloatingaround,and quickly realized that sexual energy could keep me floating; in otherdreamsIwaswanderingthroughthesemalltypesofplace, goingintostoresanddoorways;inothersIwaswanderingdown the halls of a hospital, in a mellow daze, through double doors, walkingpastroomsthathaveglasswindows,butthelightsareoff in those rooms, although I could still see into the rooms from the lighting from the hallway; [NOTE: Have read that MILABs often report dreams of being in hospitals] Lots of dreams about tornadoestoohappeningquitefrequentlyduringthistime.

Being floated away. Have had several dreams that involved me flying along on my back, parallel to the floor, in some house, usuallythehouseIgrewupinConnecticut.Imseveralfeetoffthe floor, again, facing up towards the ceiling, and Im usually flying rapidly backwards, creating a slightly exhilarating and enjoyable sensation. Then Ill start to rise up and go through the ceilings/floors,andouttheroof;anothertimeIpassedthroughthe wallsandwasveryconsciousofthemomentthatIpassedthrough, havingthethoughtthattheychangedmybodysfrequencytoget me to pass through solid objects In one of these dreams it startedwhereIwasinsomehouse,andtherewasacrazylightning stormgoingonoutside.Iwentoutsidetogolook,walkingoutthe doorandontothesidewalkalongthesmallfrontlawn.Everything waslitupbyboththestreetlightsandalltheoverlappinglightning strikes.Iturnedandlookedtomyrightandrightthentherewas asmallUFOtravelingdownthepowerlines,comingforme,litup withvariouscolorsaroundtheUFObody.Thatswhenitliftedme upandbeganpullingmealong,travelingparalleltotheground.I justwentalongwithit,enjoyingthesensation,andthedreamends there. The dreams always end as Im being floated/flown away, I neverseeorexperienceanythingbeyondthat.

Flyingmaps.Alsohavehadanumberofdreamsinvolvingme staring intently at maps, then flying rapidly over these maps.
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And these maps always have the same exaggerated coloring bright vivid blues for water, vivid yellow/yelloworange and orange browns for the land. I would be liable to dismiss this as nonsenseexceptIencounteredanotherpersononamessageboard who mentioned these identical same flying over maps dreams, with the same vivid coloring and everything. What arethe odds? HadanotherdreamwhereIwaslookingatEarth,fromorbit,being shownAfrica.SpecificallyIwasdirectedtolookattheareawhere Chadwas.Havenoideawhy.TheonlytheoryIcancomeupwith regardingmapsandplanetlocationscouldberemoteviewing.Not sure.

Tehran,Iran.Dream(morelikeamemory/experienceflash?) whereImsittinginthebackseatofacarlookingoutthewindow inapassivedaze.InthisflashIdontseewhoelseisinthecarwith me, driving, Im just watching the skyline go past us on the highway/expressway.ItsTehran,Iran.IveneverlefttheUnited States,letalonevisitTehran.!NorwouldIwanttovisitIran,and nor had I ever researched it or sought out imagery of it at that point.LateronIwouldbeworkingatahotelasafrontdeskclerk withaguywhowasfromIran,andIdescribedtohimtheskylineof Tehranasseenfromthehighway,andthehazy,smoggydirtyblue colorofthesky,andaskedhimifthatshowitlooked.Hefrowned atme,andsaidyes,actually,itdoeslooklikethat.Hestaredatme like,How wouldyou knowthat?Becauseofthe wayIjust piped up,describingitlikeIdbeenthere,whichcontradictedthefactthat Ihadntbeenthere. Not sure I even want to theorize what this whole dream snippetcouldreallybeabout.Itseemssofarfetched.

Scrolling text. Had a really strange dream full of negative themes/elements, and I pulled myself out of it at the point where there was a computer screen sort of thing in front of me with rapidlyscrollingtext(programming?)Justallofthistext,scrolling veryquicklyupwards,rightinfrontofmyface.Strangecolorstoit aswell,likelimegreen,white,andturquoiseblueorwhatever.
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Another Sky. Ive had these really interesting, occasional dreams here and there over the past several years involving a sky packedfullofflyingobjects.Thesedreamstakeplaceatnighttime, andalmostalwaysinouroldhouseinConnecticutwherewelived for nine years. (Although I did have one of these dreams while livinginFlorida.)Theskyisglowingapinkishblackcolorinthese dreams, and there are all these lit up flying objects, like jets and things, long tube shaped flying things, and other assorted aircraft, fillingthesky.Theresalwayssuchamagicalfeeltothesedreams, becauseinthedreamImjuststruckbyhowbusyandbustlingand excitingtheskyisthere,versushereinournormalworldwhere theresnothingbuttheoccasionalplane.Onacoupleofoccasions inthesedreams,(whentheytookplaceinConnecticut)oneofthese flyingcrafthavelanded(possiblycrashed/skidded)intothewoods behindourhouse.!!Itlookslikesomesortofteardroppedshaped craftthatcouldholdone,maybetwobeingsatthemost.

Anotherpossiblesoulabductionattemptandacleverpoem. In the middle of writing this book, I started to experience some weirdness you could say. Had a very bizarre dream that involvedredUFOprobeballsflyingaroundinacemeterywhere I and others were camping out in sleeping bags to watch them; lateronIwasinsideahouse,watchingaminiature,elongated/tear dropshapedUFOcraftflyingaroundoutsidethescreendoor,and could even see the little being inside, piloting the craft. A mini UFO with a minibeing, what a trip. Right at the point as I was noticing this UFO just outside the door, I heard a male human voicesayinmymind:
Riversflownorth Riversflowsouth Riversflowred Soshutyourmouth.
Rightasthehumanmalevoicesaidthat,theUFOturnedtoface mefromoutsidethedoorandhonedinonme.Istartedtotryto pulloutofthisdreamandwashalfin,halfoutofsleep,awareof being in my bed, and aware of the room, but then slipping back
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under.Icouldfeelmybodysuddenlybeingparalyzedinmybed, asanenergyfieldofsomesortenvelopedmyentirebody.Thenthe alien spoke to me, with vocal chords that seemed a bit rusty, soundingcracklyandpopping.Letgoooooooooooooooooooo. ittoldme,withitscreepycracklingvoice.Ifeltthetelltaleastral windblowingaboutasIbegantoliftoutofmybody,alongwith that alien voice telling me to let go echoing around. I totally panickedandfoughtmywayoutofit,breakingfree. Ifthiswasrealandnotadream,thenallIcansayiswow!I dontknow,Ithoughtthatpoemwasthemostcleverthingever.I guessitwassupposedtoscareme,orbeathreatofsomesort,but instead I kept giggling in giddy glee whenever I thought about it later that day, admiring the cleverness of it all. Im sure that annoyedthem.;)

Andthatsnoteventhehalfofit.!Theressomuchmoreto the story, but it wasnt my goal to actually write a complex autobiographicalaccountofmylifeandhappenings.Snapshotsof experience work best when trying to put stuff out there so others cancomparetotheirownhappenings. AfterIoriginallycompiledtheinitialgroupingofincidentsfor Part II, I just sat on it all for the next several days afterwards, ponderingthings.AndIprettymuchalmostabandonedthiswhole writeup.Myfirstthoughtwastojustwalkaway.Itallseemedso absurd, so over the top, that my reflexive conclusion was that it cant be happening. Im imagining this, its absolutely insane. ListentowhatIthinkhashappenedhere.TheresnofrickingWAY this has gone on in my life. There are so many unanswered plot holes,thingsIdontunderstand,stuffthatmakesnosense.Whata confusing mess. So I must be imagining this or misinterpreting events in my life. Occums Razor and all that. The simplest explanation tends to be the right one which means nothing is happeninghereatallandImjustcrazyandimaginingmountains outofmolehills.Andsothenextthoughtwasliveouttherestof my life and dont thinkabout this,literally, ever again. It wasa
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very strong urge too Just dont ever think about any of this again. My calm, rational source of reason counteracting this urge remindedmeofthecoupleofmemoriesIdohave,withtheleftover marks on my body to prove it to myself, and some of the more undeniable incidents. If I have those couple of incidents then it means I cant turn and walk away. Theres a story here. So eventually I snapped out of it. And so here we are. That whole reaction is kind of understandable though, because when one is dealingwiththissubjectintheirownlife,thebiggestproblemsare: 1. The lack of overt evidence (often times) as mentioned previously. Unless you go under hypnosis, which Im not willingtodoatthemoment,thenyoureprettymuchscrewed in terms of finding out the full story of whos doing what, when,why,andhow.Therearejustsomanyplotholes,things thatdontmakesense.
2. The clash between abduction happenings and the real world. When you have this stuff going on in your life it createsaconflictingsplit.Youcantjustgoandtalkaboutitto any old person. So there usually is nowhere to go, except for the internet and books. Youre left on your own, trying to reconcilewheretheevidenceispointingtoinyourpersonallife, with the clash of the mainstream world that often times deniesthatthisstuffisreal. The clash with the real world just cant be emphasized enough. The real world occupies 9095% of our waking lives, reinforcingitsparticularversionoftruthandrealitytousover andover.Thisother510%involvingabductionsandparanormalis also very real,and equallyas valid for those going through it,but theres no place for it in the 9095% world. Ive been at the drug store, surrounded by regular people and hustle and bustle of the every day real worldbuying Red Bulls or Frapuccinos so my boyfriend and I can stay up all night avoiding abductions, or buyingfilmtophotographtheanomalousbruisesandsmallpurple
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circles that periodically appear on my body. Standing in line to pay, holding the film, or the Red Bull in my hand while my eyes would fall on celebrity/fashion mags, or the local and national newspapers for sale near the register, with mainstream news headlinesscreamingfromthecovers.Clashoftwoworlds.Which one is more real? Not the one involving the newspapers and magazines, thats for sure. Its the world thats been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth, as Morpheus says in The Matrix. Indeed.

Summary Thereadermaywonder,afterreadingallofthat,whatexactlyis my situation anyway, if I had to try to pinpoint whats going on here. WhatIvetentativelyconcludedisthis:
Icouldhavepossiblybeentargetedforabductionsasakiddueto who I am in general on a soul level, or, possibly something havingtodowithbloodlines,asmentionedearlier.Ivebeentold byseveralpeoplenowthattheressomethingaboutmybloodline, andonepersoneventhattherewasaconvergence;
Becauseofmydadsinvolvementinstuffwhileinthemilitary;
Because of being so closely involved with and connected to my brother,whohadhisownstuffgoingon;
Thenlaterbecauseofbeingconnectedwithmycurrentboyfriend, whosalsoanabductee,andwhorunsawellknownwebsiteonall thingsconspiracy/alien/metaphysicalrelated.
Therearequiteafewavenues,andallofthemmakesense,and possibly all of them are happening. It seems to be a mix of hyperdimensionalandhumanmilitaryspook.Theresprobably definitelymorethanonethinginvolvedhere,andIthinkthiscould be the case for most abductees. Dont limit yourself into thinking
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that youve only got one thing happening, from one source, with oneagenda.Itsusuallyalotmorecomplicatedthanthat. IhesitatetoeventheorizewhatImbeingtakenfor.WhatIdo knowforcertainisthis:
Ive been programmed with selfdestructive, selfsabotaging thoughts designed to take me out of the picture. I know this because I woke up and caught them in the middle of doing it, severaltimes.
I have the sense that Ive been used for remote viewing, because again,Iwokeupandcaughtmyselfbeingpulledoutoflooking at something, (by a human male voice) for somebody elses benefit.Ialsohavedemonstratedtheabilitytodothisonmyown, forpersonalreasons,inmywakinglife.
Have one memory snippet that indicates unsavory things happening to me during an abduction as well. That cant be the onlytimethatshappenedthough.
I could theorize about additional purposes and reasons, but I hesitatetodosobecauseIthinkitwouldbewaytoosimplisticand laughable. Im working with a puzzle thats missing most of the pieces. But what is worth noting is some feedback about my situation that I got while Tom and I attended a Cassiopaean channeling session in New Port Richey Florida, in September of 2002. During the session, I took the opportunity to ask about Joe. I wantedtoknowifhehadreallybeenabducted,andifso,bywhom. Ididntgetadirectanswer.IntypicalCsfashion,Iseemedtogeta roundabout answer that was pointing me in another direction entirely.ThethingabouttheCsisthattheylikedtotrytogetyou to think for yourself. Many things theyd answer directly. But if there was something youre missing, a point youre overlooking, andanopportunityforlearning,theywouldntjustanswerdirectly, becausethentheresnothinkinginvolvedonyourend.Thatwas the case here. I was waaaaaaaaay over here wondering about whether Joe was abducted, and by whom, thinking that was all therewastothestory,whenreally,Ineededtobelookingwayover
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thereand asking Who the hell is Joe?!?! Not is he being abducted?butwhoishetobeginwith. Hereareexcerptsfromthetranscriptandwhattheyhadtosay. Questionsarelistedwiththepersonsfirstinitial.ImC.TheCs responsesaregivenwithAforanswer.Also,onasidenote,any word that the Cs designate as being in quotes means that the wordhasadoublemeaning.Boldedanswersaremyownemphasis.
***** C:IjustwantedtoknowhasmybrotherJoeeverbeenabductedby
A:Hesnothere.Butyouare.Doesthatstrikeyouasinteresting?
C:Cantheyclarifywhattheymeanhere?
A:Inthisroom.
(alotofconfusedheadscratchingfromeverybodyatthispoint,theorizing whattheymean)TheCsinterrupted:
A:Didyougetourquestion?
(morediscussion)
C:Okay,IguessmynextquestionishaveIeverbeenabducted?
A: Well, now that you askedyou may find great benefit in contemplation of this issue while in a relaxed state. Perhaps some considerationofthepossibilitiesinherentintheeventsofyourbrothers lifeinrelationtoyourownmightbefruitful.
C:Wellmostlymyquestionismoreconcernaboutmybrotherthanabout myownself.EnoughsothatIwanttoknowifhesbeingabducted,andif so,bywhom?
A:Considertheterms:Projectionandreflection?
J: Projection meaning to take the image of something and projecting it onto something else, a reflection of something that mirrors, comparing howtheeventsofhislifecorrespondtoyours.
A:Arehisexperienceshisalone?
A:Sheneedstoprobe.
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V:Gettotherootoftheissuemighthypnotismbeagoodavenueforher toprobe?
A:Goodidea.
(thenVaskedsomequestionspertainingtoherownabductions,which theCsrespondedwith.)
A:Moreprojecting?
C:Whatdotheymeanbythat?
A:Someprojectsomereflect..
Then,lateroninthesession:
C: Could I just ask one question? Last fall [October 2001 abduction] I believedIwasabducted,andIactuallyhaveonememoryofit,oraGray, youknow,whileIwaslayingonatable.Ialsohadphysicalsignsonmy body of an abduction. Im curious as Im hearing this: Was I being abductedbygraysthatreallyexist,orwasthatlikethegovernmentmind controlmakingmethingthatIwas?
A: How about real abductions, but not necessarily grays. They are verypopularscreens.
V:Okay,ifnotGrays,thenwho?
A:Askherbrother!
[thatwasashockerwasntexpectingtogetthatforananswer!] C: Okay, well, hes claiming that hes being abducted by government agents.Soifthatswhohethinksisabductinghim,doesthatmeanthats whosabductingme?
(discussiononthis;nomoreCscommentsonthistopic) *****
So,wevegotseveralthingsrevealedorconfirmedhere:1)That IwasdefinitelyabductedinOctober2001.2)Theyresayingitwas ascreenmemory,alahumans,andnotactualGrays.3)Consider the idea that some of what happened to Joe may have actually happened to me. This ties into the idea that both he and I had separate abductions in October of 2001. So if his was in an
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underground base with human government agent thems, then whatdoesthatsayaboutthenatureofmyownabduction?4)The idea of projection/reflection and probes having to do with my brother, which is a whole side topic in itself, and one that I did eventually figure out after locating another Cs session transcript from1994thatusedallthosesameterms.Inthe1994session,Isaw thatprobeshadtodowithreanimatedagentsputintoapersons life for the purpose of information gathering and derailment/destruction,andthattheyoperatebyreflectingbackthe energythatisprojectedtothembythetarget.Sobasically,bythe time Joe reentered my life in California after being out of my life forsixyears,hewasareanimatedprobedesignedtomirrorme reflecting back what I projected. As nutty as the idea of re animationmaysoundtosome,alltheevidencepointstothis,and a very psychic woman I know also independently confirmed aspectsofthistomeaswell.Itstoohugeatopictogetintohere though. In any possible future revised editions of this write up I mayaddinmoredetailsabouttheideaofreanimatedprobesinan abducteeslife.

I just recently looked through an old 3ring binder full of my journal writings and random school writings dating back to the summer after 11th grade, when we lived in Mission Viejo, California.MyboyfriendwaswatchingasIflippedthroughallthe loose leaf pages shoved into it, when something caught his eye. Wait, what was thatabduction? he nodded towards it. I flippedbackandfoundtheiteminquestion.Itwasahandwritten listonlinedpaperstatingmydesiresandgoalsformy immediate future.AmongtheitemsonthelistwasGetabductedbyaUFO! Ismiled.Iwas17whenIwrotethat,atotallynavekidwhod beenresearchingaliensandUFOssincenineyearsold,andhaving recently come across Budd Hopkins Intruders. How cute, I thoughtasIreadthatonthelist.Goofy,butstillcute.See,theres areasonweredating,Ijokedtomyboyfriend.Normal17year
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old girls dont dream of getting abducted by UFOs! haha We laughed. IfIdonlyknown
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Part III Part III

Expanded Insights

In this section, I expand more in depth on the types of metaphysical, hyperdimensional, and psychological situations that aMILAB(oralien)targetmaybefacingintheireverydayreallives. Many of the books or articles that are available on these subjects speak in broad terms, offering an informational foundation for what mind control and abductions are. There isnt too much materialpertainingtotheeverydaysortofissuesthatanabductee may encounter, with the accompanying advise and tactical tips gleanedfromfirsthandexperience,andsothatswherethissection comesin. Everybodys situation is unique though,and what Ivelearned in my own experiences may not apply to somebody else. And being that there are so many groups out there abducting people, and all with their own agendas and methodologies, means that there is no onesizefitsall advise that is applicable for everybody acrosstheboard.Sothisisintendedasageneralstartingplacefor tips,pointersandtheories.AsIlearnmoreovertimeImsureIll beaddingandrevisingthissectionforanypossiblefutureeditions.
Fear in Relation to the Abduction Experience

WhatIm not reallyseeingaddressed in the materials that Ive researched on MILABS and alien abduction is the subject of Fear. TheresbeenonlyonebooksofarthatIvecomeacrossthatdelved intoit,butstillnotinthewaythatIthoughtwassatisfying.Thisis so important that it cannot be emphasized enough, and its unfortunatethatso manygoodbooks and articles out there fail to recognizethisintheirwriteups.Toooftenallwegetareawhole lotofstoriesthatwindthereaderupbutthenforgettomention(or maybedontevenrealize)howfearfactorsintotheentirescenario.
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Addressing fear should be the next logical step in all abduction material. Overtheyears,myexperienceshaverepeatedlyshownmethat its a low personal frequency that (often times) allows this stuff to breachyourrealm,anditswhatdefinitelyperpetuatesharassment longafteritshouldhavestopped.Ifinditimpossibletoreadother abductees stories when its a rehashing of a downward spiral of negativeeventsandwherethetoneisonebasedonfear,frustration andparanoia.InfactmostMILABSmaterialandpersonalaccounts haveatonethatIcantrelateto,andyoullseewhywhenyoukeep readingthissection.Myownattitudehasprogressedfromnervous, to defiant, to becoming downright manically giddy at the harassment,andbecauseofthatattitude/vibe,thenonsenseIused to experience has completely stopped. But why am I different?? Why cant the other MILABS feel the same way and put a stop to thethingsthatarehappeningtothemtoo?? I was trying to figure this out with my boyfriend, and he pointedoutsomethingIhadntevennoticedmostpeoplethatyou readaboutwhoareallworkedupabouttheirharassmentandthe direction that life has taken them are worked up because theyre invested in the illusion. And Im justnot. Its not that Im suicidalbeinghereisfine.IhavethingsthatIfeelIneedtodo but what Ihave is an intellectual caring, not an emotional caring. Also,Ihavenofamilyanymore,workasatempbouncingaround fromjobtojob,andatonepointlivedinfourdifferentstatesinless than three years. So Im not invested in anything around me. Havingtonsofthingsandaluxurycarandasnazzyjobtitleata powercareer,andabigwardrobefullofdesignerclothesnoneof itmatters.Itsnotreal.Imnotinvestedintheillusionaroundme. I dont own a TV, dont read the papers, dont follow politics. Because I know its not real. Not in the way that were told it is, anyway. So its like my boyfriend put it, Its about having maximum awareness with the least amount of emotional hysteria.Youknowthebiggerpictureperspectivefromaplace ofhigherawareness.
Part III Expanded Insights
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Which leads to the next big point about having the right perspective. Too often, MILABS are getting soooooo worked up over things like their phones being tapped, or vans being parked across the street from their homes, and so on. And to that sort of harassment I sayWho cares?! I mean, lets gain some perspective here. What ends up coming out of it all? Absolutely nothing, as I learned, and which Ill talk about more in depth coming up. But when nothing comes out of anything, why be scared?Itsajoke.Thethemsareajoke. In one particular MILABs personal account she reiterated multiple times throughout the book her indignation at having her privacy invaded. Theyre listening in on my thoughts! Theyre watching what I do! Privacy schmivacy. In the end it doesnt matter if they watched you and voyeuristically monitored your thoughts. Ultimately, you are energy, and youll be moving on. Yourbodyisyoursourceoflife,somethingtolove,notasourceof embarrassment andshame. So worrying aboutwhat other people think,whattheyresaying,howtheymaybejudgingyourthoughts and watching your body is just 3rd density prison trappings. To reallyfullyrealizethisandliveitistrulyliberating. Its also helped that Ive had quite a few heavy duty woo woo!experiencesofarealityshatteringnaturethatburstwhatever tentative bubble I may have still had left that this reality is what societywouldhaveusbelieve.Inowknowitsnot.Meanwhile,I relishmylifeandhavegratitudeforwhatIhaveandhaveworked hardtoputoutmywebsiteandthisbookimportantthingsthatI intellectually care about but Ive developed an attitude where I can move, quit, or walk away from things and be okay, because theresnoinvestmentinitall. And thats the key, or the trick. People get worked up and freak out and find themselves in a downward life spiral when theyredesperatelyclingingtosomethingthatsillusorytobegin with.Theresastrangeparadoxhappeningwithmanyabductees. Their abductions have shown them another side of reality that grosslycontradictsthe mainstreamversionofevents,andyetthey cantletgoofhangingontotheillusion.Theirjob,theirtitle,their roleinlifeandpersonalidentitytheyveattachedtothemselves,
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their material possessionsthey still cling to it despite what they now know. And because they cling and still relate to it, they becomefearfulofthethingsthatarehappeningthatworktoshatter that.Losetheinvestmentintheillusioni.e.,fearandtheylose poweroveryou. So with that in mind, lets take a closer look at how fear can manifestinthelivesofabductees,andwhattodoaboutitall.
Black helicopters
In Part II I got into my experiences with the black helicopters, andhowwhenIlearnedtostopcaring,anddroppedthefearthey abruptly stopped. Within each encounter, the second I changed myfrequency,likechangingthedialontheradio,eachhelicopter immediatelytookoff. Theimplicationsofthisareprettyhuge.Whatexactlyisgoing on then if these helicopters take off the second I stop the fear and changemypersonalradiodial??WhatamIsayingherethatthey cansomehowreadminds?Pickuponatargetsthoughts?That theyrescanningapersonsfrequencyinsomeway??? Yes,actually,thatsexactlywhatImsaying. Think of all that material out there that gets into the black helicopter phenomenon, treating it in this extremely serious, conspiracy way and not one book (at least that I know of) mentionschangingyourfrequency,ordoingwhatIdidinmyown encounters.Instead,theypropagatethemistakenassumptionthat: a)thesethingsaresomekindofscary,OOOOOOOH!!!bigdeal, andb)theresnothingyoucandotomakeitstop.Theyregoingto hover,andcircle,andharassyouaslongastheywant,andasoften astheywantto.Soyoubetterjustgetusedtoit,thisiswhatitis. X!Idontthinkso.ItsanythingBUTthat.Dropthefear,and they drop you. What my higher self, or whatever it was, communicated to me during my second black heli encounter was totallyrighttreatitasyouwouldanentityharassment/attack,and watch what happens. Well, what I had learned is that when it comestothenegentities,theyfeedonfear,andwhenIlostthefear, theylostme.SoItookmyhigherselfsadviseandappliedwhatI
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knewaboutnegstothehelis,andouila.Myhigherselfdidntcome right out and say Dont be afraid! because pssh, that wouldnt have helped. My response to that would have been Yeah, whatever!!andthatwouldhavebeenit.Ithadtopropelmeinto somesortofaction,becauseIhadtolearnbydoing,andseeitfor myself.WhichIdid. So there is absolutely no reason to have black helicopters hoveringorflyingincirclesoveryourhouseorapartmentforhours at a time, none. When reading cases of that happening I think, Thatsbunk!Theresnoneed!!IwishIcouldshoutitfromthe rooftopsforallMILABStargetstohearChangeyourradiodial!! Shiftyourfrequencyupandrejectwhatshappening!Theywill takeoff!! Whywilltheytakeoffandreactthatway?Becauseagain,they aretheretoscareyou,andmeasure/recordmaybeevenfeedon yourresultingfear.Ifyoutrulyandsincerelycouldcareless,then theyhavenopurposeforbeingthere. Its completely understandable why targets get fearful and agitated during their first couple of black helicopter experiences.becausetheydontknowwhatthesethingsaregoing to do. In my first two encounters, I seriously wondered if I was goingtobeshotatwhenIwentoutsidetolook.Seriouslywhatif its there to kill me?!? When the heli moved on top of my apartment, hovering directly over where I stood inside, I just flat outpanicked.WHATISITDOING?!?WHYISITDOINGTHIS TO ME?!? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING! Panic and stress and anxietyarosefromnotknowingwhatwasgoingtohappennext. Butwhenit becomesobvious thatyoure notgoing to getshot at, and thisthing is just going to hover, or fly in circles, doesnt it seem,oh,Idontknowabitstupidby thatpoint? Itdoes, come on, admit it. And its at that point that youre now obligated to drop the fear, roll your eyes, shake your head, and shift your frequency straight up. By my third encounter I had an evil grin going as I challenged the heli to read my mind and swing back aroundIdareyouIdareyou.Ifeltgiddyinside.Idontthink weresupposedtofeelthatway.;)heheIts180degreesfromwhat theyre trying to accomplish. And there I am, getting off on it,
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challengingthething,withevil,manicgiddyglee.Soadoptabitof a psychotic mindset, like Ive developed over the years. It truly helps. They dont waste time doing all the lab rat psychological mindgameswiththeratsthatgetakickoutofit. Atthispointsomemaybewonderingwhowhat.ispiloting theseblackhelis.Aretheyhuman?Idontknow.Theirwindows areallblackedout.Canttellwhatsinside.Idalmostventureas farastosayno,theyrenothuman,oratleast,notfully.Couldbe hybrids. If theyre not alien/hybrid, then at best, theyre probably highlymindcontrolled,roboticmilitarytypes,thekindsthatdoas theirtoldwithoutthinking,includingheliharassmentofwhatever locationtheyretoldtogoto.Thentheresevenamorefaroutidea that theyre not really helicopters at all, only projections of such becauseinatleasttwoofmyencounters,nobodyelseseemedtobe aware of these things, even though they were harassing in broad daylightinanurbanarea.Ormaybetheyareahelicopteroverlay disguising a UFO. You never know. So keep all possibilities in mindifyoufindyourselfhavingtheseencounters.Thingsarenot alwayswhattheyseemtobe. Onasidenote,somethingIbegannoticingmoreofwhiledoing thiswriteupishowoftentheblackhelicoptersubjectisheldupas theultimateexampleoftheconspiracycrazies.Sometimeseven bythepeoplewhoresearchconspiracies!Whatisitabouttheidea ofblackhelicoptersthatcausesmanypeople,includingsomeso called conspiracy theorists, to be automatically dismissive of them?Dotheybelievethatallthepeoplewhoveseenthemmust be confabulatingahallucination? I almostget the impression that certainpeoplehavebeenprogrammedto usethesubjectof black helis as a sidetrack diversion focal point. Example: When Ann Coulter was being raked over the coals, I mean, interviewed ;) by radio host Alex Jones, she categorized his probing questions into topicssuchas9/11andthePatriotActasbeinginthesamevainas the conspiratorial black helicopters. The connection was so immediately knee jerk with her, so self assuredly scoffing, that again, it struck me to be programming. Something wants to discreditthetopicalittletooeagerly.Makesyouwonder.AllIcan sayisthatblackhelisaremostdefinitelyaveryrealphenomenon,
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andIveactually begun using itasa gauge tomeasure how much somebody thinks they know when they claim to be a conspiracy researcher.Iftheyretalkingalotoftalkaboutthisconspiracyand that, but then in the next breath dismiss certain other conspiracies as being in the black helicopter group, then its obvious. You stillhavealongwaytogo,buddy.Butkeepdigging.Andwho knows.Maybeiftheydigdeepenough,ablackheliwilldecideto paythemavisit.;)
Paranoia
Another related topic to fear is paranoia. Ive encountered people on the internet, or in emails, who displayed the figurative wildeyed paranoia. There they are, relaying sincere stories about tappedphones,surveillanceandmonitoring,blackhelis,agentsin disguise as regular people, obsessing in circles about their weird events,andtheyreallworkedupaboutitcompletelyamplifying the situation and ensuring that the harassment will never end. Theyve become a guaranteed fear/anger/paranoia allyoucaneat buffet, and in the process theyre locked into a downward spiral that may lead to their permanent derailment in life if they cant snap out of it. They havent figured things out yet. You have to stopcaring.Youhavetobecomenonchalant.AsIbluntlytoldone guyonamessageboardmaybetoobluntlyCalmthefuckdown! Youhaveto.Youhavetocalmdown,takeabigbreathandget agriponyourselfwhenitcomestothisstuff.Youhavenochoice but to learn how to be nonchalant. And I mean sincerely nonchalant.Dontpretendyoudontcarejustdontcare.Period. So,theyrebuzzingyourapartmentorhousewithahelicopter? Cool.Waveatthemandtakeafewpictures.Thencrankupsome goodmusicanddancearound. Yourphonesaretapped?Thatsgood.Whocares.Givethem something worth listening to. Have fun with it. When theyve tapped into my conversations, namely, when my boyfriend has been back in Iowa visiting his family and were talking long distance, we always say hi to them. Hi! How ya doin. Five
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seconds later were onto other things and have totally forgotten aboutit.Arewegoingtobeallweirdedoutaboutitfortherestof theconversation?Arewegoingtospiraldownintolowfrequency fearful paranoia?? Hell no. Its not even worth remembering ten secondsafterithappened,onlybecausewevelearnedthatnothing endsupcomingoutofit.Theymaketheirpresenceknownand thenthatsit.Nothingelse.Itsallsidetrackcircusdiversion. Theyrefollowingyou inblackcars? Hmm. Tailing peoplein blackcarssoundsso,Idontknow,1970sdoesntit?Itsabigmind game, because they know it will oooh, be spooky. My brother claimedthattheywouldparkacrossthestreetwhereheworked inConnecticutandjustwatch,andmaketheirpresenceknown.He got so pissed off about it that one day he went charging out the door,acrossthestreetandrightuponthem,screamingWHAT?!? WHAT?!!?WHATTHEFUCKDOYOUWANT?!?!?!Ibelievehe beganpoundingontheircarandkickingit,ifIremembercorrectly. ;) They started the engine and took off. And that was the end of that. Ive seen my brother in action firsthand, doing far worse thingsthanthat,soIdontdoubtforasecondhedidthis.Hewas absolutelycrazyandfearless. AgoodexampletociteherewouldbethebookTheMothman Prophesies. When you get worked up and obsessive about stuff, freaked out, scared, the way people were in Mothman, then the entities seem to want to mess with you even more. Its like a scientisttoyingwithalabrat.Whenyoustopcaring,whenyouget to that point where youre willing to charge right at them and confrontthemandtakethemon,facetoface,whenyouloseallfear, theystoptrying.Itallstops,coldturkey.Theabductionsmaystill continue,but,itsbacktobusiness,minusallthemindgames. OneofthebigbombsmybrotherdroppedonmeafterIarrived inPortland,whenhewasfirstexplainingtomewhatthesituation waswithourabductionsandwithrealityingeneral,wastotellme that They could see and hear everything that I see and thinkduetomyimplants.! Hmm,Ithought.Irealizethatmostordinarypeoplewouldget terriblyfreakedoutbythisrevelation.Theideaofnoprivacy.The ideathateverythingyouredoingandthinkingandsayingisbeing
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monitored, by unknown Thems. Quite the paranoiainducing predicamentofvoyeuristicintrusion.Fornormalpeople.ButIm notnormal.Solaterthatnightwhenmybrotherwentofftowork,I danced naked in front of the big mirror that was there in the apartment.Theyrewatching?TheycanseewhatIseethroughmy eyes?Good.Letmestandinfrontofamirror.Heresaniceshow foryou.;)ThisiswhatIthinkaboutthemmonitoringmyevery thought,word,andaction:Idontcare.Next! In retrospect it was that mindset that helped save me. Had I spiraleddownintofear,paranoia,anger,frustration,etc.Iprobably wouldntbetypingthisrightnow.
Death/injury threats and attempts
The most disturbing facet of all alien/MILAB abduction is the phenomenon of prominent researchers and authors being physically maimed during abductions, instilled with disease programming,orflatoutbeingtakenout.Cancerseemstobea biggie. Alien/MILABS researcher and author Karla Turner died prematurelyofbreastcancer.AndinthebookBarbara:TheStory of a UFO Investigator she has this to say about the cancer programming:
IvemadeawidecircleoffriendsallacrosstheU.S.A.,mostofwhom weresomehowinvolvedwithUFOs.Toomanyofthemaredeador dying.Cancerseemsthefavoritemethodofriddingtheworldofnosy busybodies who want to known who and what the aliens are and wheretheycamefromandwhytheycomehere.Canceristheanswer toalltheirquestionsinfartoomanycases. Puzzling,isntit? Nottome. Almost every day since I started my UFO investigations I have sufferedstrangehappenings,sickness,completelackofprivacy,pain, torture to my animals, accidents to my family members, loss of
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property, threats, and almost every other kind of punishment you couldwishuponyourworstenemy
When I first read this chapter of her book, titled Punishment forInvestigatingIgotabitworkedup.Myskinbecamehotand flushed, and I was even shaking. It was the most disturbing chaptertoreadinthewholebook,andIwasntpreparedforitand so found myself easily succumbing to the same fear that many of these researchers also experience. Especially the mention of harm that came to her pets. Innocent animals being targeted to get at theirownersishorriblestuff.ButItookastepback,conferredwith my boyfriend, (who happens to be the web host of a metaphysics and conspiracy site, and the author of numerous articles on said topics, so, hes a good person to talk to for some feedback) and I came to my senses, you could say. He reminded me of my own teachings that Ive been writing about and living for the past two years. And so at this point in the game, Im going to take a bold step forward and loudly proclaim that in my opinion, it doesnt havetobethisway.Theydonthavepoweroverus.Theycant killyou,norcantheygiveyoucancer,oranyotherdisease. Whats happening here with these researchers is a multifold scenario:
Thefearfrequency.Itcantbestatedenough.Fear,fear,and morefear.
Lack of intending for protection. And Im not talking about begging to God, in the traditional sense of praying Im talking about rising up and connecting with the very sources that you would be praying to, changing your frequency, empowering yourself, as well as taking preventative spiritual measuresasIwillexpandoninabit.
Not taking control of the reigns and reversing whats been donetoonesbody.Wedictatethehealthofourbodiesnot outsideforces,asIwillelaborateoninasecond.
Bottom line: What happens to these researchers is not what hastohappentoyou.
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For starters, sometimes people will receive warnings before attacksareimplemented.Buttoooftentheydontlistenandtakeit seriously,ortakeanysortofprecautionaryspiritualmeasures.So whattodowhenthathappens? We should listen. And I dont mean in the sense of becoming afraid and giving them power. What I mean is simply acknowledge whats happening. Dont run from it face it straighton.OkayThereisanintuition/voice,etc.tellingmethis. ThesourceobviouslybelievesthisbadthingwillhappentomeifI donttakeheed.Soacknowledgeit.Butdefinitelydontignore it and shove it aside. When there were black helis hovering and circlingoverme,ignoringitandjuststickingmyheadinthesand whichwasmyfirstreaction!didabsolutelynothingtostopitand makeitgoaway.Infact,itonlyamplifiedit. Sorule#1:Dontignorethephenomenon! The next step would be to stop what youre doing, right then and there, and have a spiritual powwow. Connect to something higher and positive, whatever works for you. Jesus/the Christ Consciousness, God/the Creator Source, angels, spirit guides and protectors,yourHigher Self,and soon.Everybodyhastheirown thing, so, call on yours, whatever it may be. Connect to it, merge with it, become itfor more on this, see the next section, called Praying for Intervention. Youre empowering yourself and raisingyourfrequency,risingabove3rddensityvictimhood.Youre takingaction. So rule #2 Connect to the higher powers and raise your frequencyrightoutof3rddensity. In doing step 2, youre already turning the tables on the outcome of the situation. Someone wants to harass you or your family, with the threat of more in the future?? I dont think so. Youvepickedthewrongtargetstoharass!
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Sorule#3Sayno. Itseemssosimple.Almosttoosimple,Imsure.ButIvedone it,anditworked.No.Idontthinkso.YouareNOTgoingtodo thistome.No.Imchangingtheradiodial.NO.NO.NO.NO. NO. Overandoverand over,whilesimultaneouslyraising your frequency. Youre saying no, rejecting their threats and harassment,dictatinghowyourlifewillgo,accordingtoyou,taking controlofthesituation.Allthewhileasyoufactorinyourspiritual powwowconnecting to your higher power help, and merging with that, aligning with what it represents. Calmly rejecting whateverscenariotheyhadinmindforyou. You have to know that you have the ultimate say in what happenstoyou. So rule #4 Realize you are the one in charge of your life. Not them.Andknowitwitheverythingyouhave. Youhavetoknowit,andnotsecondguessyourself.Andknow thatwhenyouredonedoingthis,andarewalking away to go do the next thing, that things are already in the works to make sure yougetyourdesiredprotected,safeoutcome. Fromwhatitseemstome,basedontheresearchIvedone,the alloutnegative,physicalabusiveharassmentdoesntjusteruptina MILABs life out of nowhere. Thrashings during an abduction, leaving ones body black and blue, disease, organ failurecancerdeath. You dont just go from 0 to all out crazinesslikethatovernight.Itstartswithbreachingyourrealm, andfromthereitbuilds.Andbuilds.Andbuilds.Thelongeryou allow it to happen, the more you stick your head in the sand, the more fear, worry and paranoia you generate that feed it, then the strongerthefootholditcangetintoyourreality. Butifyoufearlesslyfaceoffwithitrightfromthegetgo,you WILLnipproblemsinthebud.Therewillonlybesomuchthey can do after that when youve lost all fear, you can feel your own empowerment and strength with total conviction, and are on permanentspeeddialwithyourspiritualpowwowsource.
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The other, very understandable, problem lies in the fact that most people will naturally be intimidated by these beings and military spooks. They seem so much bigger than us, so much stronger,so,soevil.Theyreoutsideoftime,whizzingaroundin UFOs, materializing and disappearing at will, abducting and implanting and monitoring, flying helis all around, tapping your phone. And as we all know, bigger, stronger and evil always equatestobeinginvincible.right??! X!Hardly. Everybodyhastheirstrongpoints,andtheirweaknesses.And thatmeansthemtoo. Their weakness lies in the fact they overestimate themselves andbelievethathumanswillcontinuetoremainthevictimsweve demonstratedourselvestobe.Theyalsoseemtolackthespiritual connection we humans are able to tap into. Cold, cunning intelligence will onlygetyousofar. You need therest, which we have. Sonow,whyaretheyabletogivepeoplecancer?Aretheyall powerful Godlike creatures with the ability to completely control and micromanage all other lesser beings at will?? And more importantly WHO exactly is it thats giving these people cancer?Isitaliens?...orhumans? Its actually humans, apparently. Lets look at an interesting excerpt from the Barbara Bartholic book that directly pertains to this,(boldedwordsmyownemphasis):
Atabout4a.m.,Iworktoavoicesaying,Youhavebeeninfected with cancer. The words were put into my brain through thought projection. There is no hope for you. The program has already been installed. Cancer will kill you. The wordless projection felt human rather than alien. It was much too blunt to have come from aliensources.Tooclumsyreallytohavecomefromordinaryhuman sources.IrealizedImustbehearingfromashadowmilitarygroup.I wentwildwithfear ***** IspoketooneoftheexmilitarymenwhomIknewtobepsychic, thenshowedhimthehandshapedbruiseundermybreast.
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Withahalfsmilehesaid,Theyregivingyoucancer,kiddo.Looks liketheyredoingawaywithyou,girl.Theresnohopeforyou. Theywho? TheBlackProjectIntelligenceOperation. Ithenshowedhimthebruiseonmyneckwhichappearedtocontaina puncturemark. Theydontwantyouspeakingoutanylonger,Barbara,hesaid.He evenseemedpleasedtoaddwithatwistedgrin,Youreagoner.
*****
Whatsgoingonherewhenwereallypickthisexchangeapart?
Thepowerofsuggestion.
Theybeingthemilitaryblackops/hybrids/whatevertheyare havetappedintoaverybasicunderstandingaboutthenatureofthe human mind. We are extremely suggestible and programmable. People are so sensitive to their environment and to the emotions andreactionsandwordsofeverybodyaroundthemthattheywill usuallytakemostthingstoheart.Wearereactivepeople.Weget affectedbywords,bothpositiveandnegative. If you were surrounded by people affirming positive things to you every day, for your entire life, imagine where youd be and howfaryoucouldgo.Butwedontliveinthatworld.Weliveina world that both purposely and inadvertently tears us down in so manywaysandcripplesourpotential.Andittakessolittletodoit, whichisprettysad.Butitsthenatureofthisworld,andalsowhat itistobeahighlyemotive,reactivehumanbeingthatrespondsso sensitivelytothisworld. The military spooks issuing cancer commands, and later reinforcing it in person, as with what happened to Barbara, know allthisandareutilizinganotherformofmindcontrol.Andbythis
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point, we should all know how much they rely on their handy dandy mind control. They are all about bending the will of their targets to mold and shape them according to their mandates, usuallythroughhypnosisandsuggestivecommands.Sokeepthis in mind. And I dont care if the cancer command/suggestion is comingfromhumanmilitaryspooks,orasevenfoottallReptilian or Mantid. Youre the one in control of your life and body, not them.Period.Andtheyrecountingonyounoteverrealizingthis, risingup,andreclaimingyourpower.Andthatstheirweakspot. Thereishoweveranotherfacettothisphenomenoninstilling somebody with cancer or various diseases by beaming particular frequencies at them. When you do the research youll turn up evidence that the military has developed frequency weapons designed to kill outright or inflict harm and disease on a target. This has apparently been employed on certain MILABS targets in ordertoshutthemupiftheyvepursuedcertainsensitivetopics. ButIbelievethateventhisiscombatable.Why?Becauseagain, theydonothavethefinalsayinwhathappenstoyou.Youarethe one responsible for what happens to you! They may beam their littlediseaseinflectingweaponsonyou,butyoucancombatitand reverse it. We all have that capability. Problems arise for those who dont realize that they can reverse the things being done to them,andinstead,justlaydownanddieinsteadofrisingupwith anindignantmindset,readytocombatwhatshappening. TheresabookthatIrecommendedonmywebsitethatIwant totakeamomenttorecommendhere,becauseitsveryfitting,but itscalledTheBiologyofBelief,byDr.BruceLipton.Dr.Lipton was a cellular biologist and professor working for mainstream academiaduringhis20yearcareer.Duringthecourseofhiswork and research, he came to discover some startling things about the natureofthehumanbody.Itturnsoutthatitsallaboutmindover matter. DNA and genetics dont dictate whether you get cancer, illnesses and diseasesyour own thoughts, perceptions, beliefs andattitudesdo.Anditstoomuchtogetintohereforthiswrite up,soallIcandoistojustrecommendthis(wellwritten,riveting, educational and down to earth) book as being one of the more important things youll read, if youre not aware of this subject
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already.Idputthisconcepttoworkformyselfbeforeeverreading Dr. Liptons book or watching one of his presentations, thanks to another book entitled The Holographic Universe, by Michael Talbot.Ihealedmyselfofvariousailmentsthroughthesheerwill ofthemind,andliterally,talkingtothebodypartsinquestionthat hadtheissues.Istoppedabladderinfection,anear/jawissuethat was rendering me unable to talk, a tooth problem, and other assortedthings.Dr.Liptonspresentationandbookservedtohelp reaffirm and remind me of this knowledge that Id already gleanedbuttrustmeitcantbereinforcedenough! Once people realize this concept and can prove to themselves that it works, then suddenly the idea of a military spook commandingyoutogetcancerisabsolutelyabsurd.Surebuddy. Whateveryousay.;);)eyeroll,eyeroll.Onceagain,theyrelyon ourlackofknowledgeandawareness. Idontcompletelyhavemyheadinthecloudsinthesensethat I believe we can eliminate all abductions entirely through the abovementioned practices. Things vary from person to person. ButwhatIdoknowisthatyouhavetoatleastfightbackandtakea stand, do something, because even eliminating 90% of your abductionshastobebetterthandoingnothingatallandjustgoing belly up. Its 90% less interference, programming and possible injury than you would have had otherwise and that in itself reduces later attempts to take you, seems to eliminate how far they can go with you when and if they do take you,and pushes backtherealmbreach.
Praying for Intervention vs. Saving Yourself

Connecting to your higher powers
Following is a more detailed explanation of the concept mentionedintheprevioussection.
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InreadingtheaccountsoffemaleMILABtargets,notablyinthe Karla Turner book Taken, I couldnt help but notice the overwhelmingfeelingoffearthatpervadedalmosteverywomans story. Fear of what was happening to them, fear of the dreaded impendingabductions,fearofthestrange paranormaloccurrences that they found themselves surrounded by. Fear, fear, fear, and morefear.Awholebookoffear.Notonlythat,butseveralwomen mentionedbeggingandpleadingtoGodtogettheirabductionsto stop.Buthelpnevercame.Theabductionsandharassmentnever stopped.Prayingdidabsolutelynothing. Why? Becausetheywereaskingfrompoweroutsideofthemselvesto come in and intervene and rescue them. In doing so, they becameahelplessvictimchild,unabletohelpthemselves. Asmentionedintheprevioussection,youhavetorealizeyour own power. You have to rise up and connect to the very power youreaskingforhelpfrom.Youhavetobecomeit.Whateverit maybe.Jesus.Angels.God.YourHigherSelf.Youhavetoknow thatyouhaveitwithinyou,andthatyoucanplugintoit,accessit, and align with it at any time. Youre not going to cower in the corner askingfor itto comeand rescue you,the powerlessvictim. Youregoingtochangeyourfrequencyrightoutofthis3rddensity reality,andyouregoingtoriseupandjoinforceswithwhomever youre calling upon. And this flies in the face of everything that mainstream religion would have us believe. Mainstream religion has conditioned the worlds people that they are helpless victims thatresideunderneathamaleGodfigurewithabeardandflowing robes, perched on the clouds, holding a staff, judging everybody andonlyhelpingthosethatHedeemsworthy,theoneswholive perfect,immaculatelives,whilethrowinglighteningboltsandevil glares at all the rest of the heathens and damning them to hell. Wevebeenconditionedtobelievewearemeekandpowerless,and havenocontroloverourlivesandnosayinanythingthathappens to us. God runs our lives. Not us. Were just Gods little puppetsonastring.AndImheretosay,thisisnttrue.Butdont take my word for it. Discover for yourself whats possible and what youre capable of! The disinformation conditioning is
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designed to get you to believe that youre underneath higher powerssoyouwontrealizethatyouAREthehigherpowers.The higherpowercreatorsourceisineverything,andyouarealreadyit. Anothertacticworthnotingthatseemstoalwaysworkforthose being harassed by abductors and neg entities is to command something to stop and leave in the name of Jesus Christ. They dont like that one AT all! People have reported being dropped likeahotpotatothesecondtheysaidthat.Manyreadingthiswont be Christian but it needs to be noted for those who are, and those whoarewillingtotryit.Itshighlyeffective,andworthtryingifthe reader hasnt already because its not begging for intervention outsideyourselfitsaformofaligningtoaparticularteamand commandingthatthenegshavetoleaveyourrealityinthenameof that team. Not to state the obvious, but a belief in and emotional connectiontotheideaofJesusisalsoabsolutelynecessaryforthis towork.Youdontwanttobeutteringemptywordswithnothing propellingthem. To wrap up this section, I want to leave off with the reminder that being fearful and cowering in the corner waiting for interventioniswhatsknownasOption1. Being a fearless but slightly crazy person who goes around confrontinglifesharasserswithfists,baseballbats,pelletgunsand even an arsenal of empty wine bottles, like my brother did, ;) is Option 2. And while its heading in the right direction because its definitely fearless, do keep in mind that The Grid is all about giving us only two polar extreme opposite choices. Black, white. Liberal, conservative. Violence, or passive victim. TPTB are all about eliminating options, and giving us two false dichotomies to choosefrom. So maybe what we want is to consider Option 3. The one hidden behind the curtain. The one where you acknowledge the things that are happening to you, but without fear, then change your personal radio frequency and again, rise right up out of this 3rd density reality to align with the very higher powers that you would call upon. Youre not a passive victim/prey. Nor are you becoming a fearless, psychotic aggressor. (because if left unchecked, that fearless and violent retaliatory aggression can
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becomeaslipperyslopeintotherealmofpredator.)SoOption3. Thatswhatitseemstobeallabout.

Revoking illegal metaphysical contracts
Asthereaderisprobablyrealizingbythispoint,anythingthatI can pass along to the reader for what a MILABs target can do to combattheirsituationinaproactive,fearlessway,thenImallfor it. With that in mind, recently I came across some fascinating information regarding the idea of revoking illegal metaphysical contracts including those concerning MILABS written by LipstickMystic,akaJennifer,authorofwww.lipstickmystic.com. The following excerpt was originally posted on the Noble Realms message board forum, and is reprinted here with permission. In fact, the following actually came about as a result of the original online version of Chasing Phantoms,andhascome full circle as its now being included in the hard copy book form! This is extremely useful information for consideration and worth mentioning as one proactive solution. Bolded words my own emphasis:
Just as any legal agreement you enter into if you are mentally disabled or on drugs is NOT legally binding, so are these crusty contracts with the negative reptilians (and other negative ET groups who have also come along for the exploit the humans ride) NULL ANDVOIDaccordingtoUniversalLaw.
My healing circle was given a very powerful affirmation recently to addressjustthatissue.
I invoke Universal Law and declare all FALSE contracts with negativereptilians,humanoids,andETracesNULLANDVOID.I cancelthemthroughouttimeandprobability.
When you invoke Universal Law you can really start breaking those illegalcontracts,whichweremadewhenhumanitywasunderduress, throughcoercionandmanipulation.
In a similar way, you can invoke Universal Law to cancel all false contracts you may have made with the military industrial complex
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anditssubsidiarygroups(thinkMILAB).Becausethesecontracts weremadeinsituationsthatwereillegalinametaphysicalsense often done during abductions when you were hypnotized or drugged,throughcoercionandtorture,usingliesandmanipulation. UnderUniversalLaw,wehavetherighttocancelanysuchcontracts throughout time and probabilitynot just for ourselvesbut on behalfofallotherhumanswhohavebeenaffected.
MysenseisthatTHISisthehotbuttontoworkonifwereallywant toputanendtothegarbagethatshappeningallovertheworldand thesatanicwargamesthatthoseboringoldcharactersareaddictedto.
If we cancel all false contracts we have made throughout the ages in whichwegavepermissiontothesedarkonestobeourbossesand to own us spiritual slaves then they have to honor that under UniversalLaw.
Wakeuptothat,andthingsstartshiftingimmediately.
This invocation....to invoke Universal Law to cancel all FALSE CONTRACTS (ones made under duress, or ones unintentionally made by our parents that affected us as their children).....with the militaryindustrialcomplex,subsidiarygroups,andnegativereptilian and ET groups......has created dramatic improvements in the people whohavebeenworkingwithit.
Be warned, though, that you may experience some very strong effectsafteryoudothiswork.Iwassettingclearintentionsaspartof thisthatallimplantsrelatedtothesecontractshadtoberemovedfrom myphysicalandethericbodiesASAP.....AndIcouldfeelmyspiritual guidesandangelsworkingovertimeclearingthemoutatnight....andI slept12hoursfortwonights....andduringthedayIexperiencedreally weird,scarynumbnessinvariouspartsofmybody.......buttheykept tellingmetheyweremovingmethroughthisclearingprocessasfast asmybodycouldprocessit.
Today I have no numbness, and I have a mental, emotional, and spiritualclaritythatIdontthinkIvehadinYEARS....perhapseven mywholelifetime.AsthedaughterofaNavyguywhohasworked with top secret submarine technology his whole career, and the granddaughter of a man who helped fine tune radar technology duringWorldWarII,IthinkIwasonalistprebirth.
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I wanted to share this because Id love for people here to start experimentingintheirownmeditationswithinvokingUniversalLaw todeclareallfalsecontracts(withwhomever...ETs,government,other darkcreatures)nullandvoid.....
Andseeifthingsdontchangeprettydramaticallyforthebetter.
Were far more powerful than we realize, as long as we keep reclaimingourmemoryandourspiritualsovereignty.
Everybodys going to be different, so do and say what works for you when you revoke your contracts and ties. Ultimately whatmatters most is the intent. The mere fact that you are renouncinganyknownorpossibletiesorcontractswithunsavory elementswhetherlegalorillegalshowstheuniversewhereyou currentlystand,andproclaimswhereyouareconsciouslytryingto alignyourself.Thatcountsforawholelot,actually.
Negative entities interfering with awakening MILABS
ThiswasanotherbitIhadwantedtoincludeinearlierdraftsof thisbookbutthenheldback.Whatchangedmymindwasanemail exchange with a guy that Ive come to know through a message boardforumIparticipatein.Hehassignsandsymptomsofhaving maybehadfunnystuffhappening to him inlife, and Id always been pretty positive that he was an abductee based on various things hed mentioned in emails to me. An abductee of whom or what,Ididntknow,butheseemedtohavesomethinggoingon.We were recently emailing back and forth for several days discussing things, andduring these several days where he was making some reallyimportantconnectionsforthefirsttimeeverinhislife,really lookingcloselyatthingshehadntnoticedbeforeheexperienced negativeentitiesvisitinghiminthedreamtime,harassinghim. I myself have also experienced negative entities paying me visits duringthedreamtimeduringtimes Iwas making important breakthroughswithregardstoMILABSstuff,askingquestionsand probingforanswers.Followingisonerelativelyrecentexample:
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In the previous section I reprinted information about revoking illegal metaphysical contracts. Well, despite feeling very excited about it all I wasnt even able to get around to trying this until almost a full two months after the fact. ! I kept experiencing a feeling of negative discouragement, keeping me from trying it. Patiently I rode it out, knowing it couldnt last forever. Then two monthslaterIcouldfeelthenegativepressurehadlifted,andItook theopportunitytosqueezeinsomerevoking.Forthreenightsina row I did this as I drifted off to sleep. Well, on the third night, something came round to harass me while I slept. I found myself in a dream where I had a neg entity latched onto me. I became lucid and started connecting to the Christ Consciousness, raising my frequency, and even mentally crossing myself. That provoked it and I found this neg screaming and flailing about, causingmybodytojerkallaboutasitputonquitethelittledrama queenhistrionicsdisplay. Igotitoffmeandwokeupinmybed.Allwascalm.Orwasit? My cat was awake and began doing something very unusual. Silently she positioned herself with her back to me, facing out towardstherestoftheroom.Shedsitthereforabit,thengetup and move to another side of my bed, calmly sitting, facing out towards my room. She continually moved around the three exposed sides of my bed, facing out towards the roomas if possibly facing off against something that was around, and maybe keeping it from getting near me on the bed? I can only theorize. This actually didnt spook me because by this point in my life Ive been through a lot and have gotten a bit blas. I laid there, awake, thinking about things, and then had the bright idea that since Im awake and all in the middle of the night, and since Im already on a roll with the whole revoking illegal metaphysical contracts thing, then why not see about removing any pieces of my dad that might be stuck to me, any part of him that might be linked to the MILABS stuff in my own life? Its a long story in itself, but pieces of peoples souls can attach themselves to others, andtheresevidencethatIhaveapieceofmydadstucktome,as wellasthatpossibleMILABSconnection.
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I laid there and began intending for any possible pieces to detach and return to sender. I was doing this for about one minutewhenIreceivedthesmackdownIguessyoucouldcallit.I waszappedbysomethingwhileIlaythere inmybed.Itwas like a small jolt of electricity in my chest/ribs/heart area, and it jerkedmybody.DidNOTfeelgoodisallIcansay,EXTREMELY unpleasantickyfeeling,andIve been in no hurry to experience thatagain.Evenmoreinterestingisthatitsimultaneouslymadea ping! noise in the air above me. !! We had physical sensation goingonhere,ANDaudio. Ivehadextensiveparanormalexperiencesasmentionedearlier in this book when I lived in the paranormal apartment from hell nicknamedTheVortexbackinCalifornia,withmybrother.But this was my introduction into MILABSrelated awakening harassment. When MILABS begin poking around in sensitive areas,askingquestionsandtakingstepstoremoveitfromtheirlife, stuffseemstoappear,kickingupastink.Ihavemyownstories, andtheguymentionedatthebeginningofthissectionalsohadhis, as well as other MILABS that Ive talked to whove described dreamtimeandastralencounterswithnegentities. Butexactlyhowrealaretheseentities? Arealentityfromanotherrealmmostdefinitelycanappearin 3rddensityandinteractwithusevenattachtousandtrytoattack us while were awake. So the fact that these things were only appearingtomewhileIsleptreallythrewmeforaloop.Theres no doubt that something was amiss herepeople dont just have dreams about neg entities wrestling them, trying to latch on and harass them after all. But again, something about it didnt feel real.Aswithallconfusingthings,Ijustputitasideandfigured answerswillcome.Theyusuallydo,ifyourepatientenough. AndatthispointIthinkIvegottensomeanswers.Ithappened onenightaftertheaboveincident,whereIfoundmyselfwrestling withanotherharassingneginthedreamstate.Werewrestling, and Im invoking the Christ Consciousness energy, raising my frequency,takingthisthingon,whateveritis,butwithnofear,just inthemostnonchalantwayimaginableduetothataforementioned blasattitudeaboutitallandIsuddenlybecomeawarethatIcan
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hear human male voices talking faintly in the background of my mind, on what sounded like a radio. !!! I couldnt discern what theyweresayingthough,itwaslikejibberish.Theentity?Icould handle that for some reason. But the idea of human male voices beinginvolvedinitallTHATfreakedmeout.Ipanicked,saying to myself like a little kid WHY DO I ALWAYS HEAR HUMAN VOICES?!! Always being a reference to other times this apparently happened during my dreams, but which I didnt consciously remember until that exact triggering moment. Turns out my boyfriend had experienced the same identical thing battling it out against a neg entity in the dreamtime, only to become aware of human male voices talking back and forth on a radiointhebackgroundofhismind. Butitgetsbetter. LateronafterthatparticularincidentIfoundmyselffendingoff yet another neg entity during the dreamtime, feeling calm and nonchalant while invoking the Christ Consciousness vibrationand then a sarcastic human male voice cuts in on the linesotospeak,soundinglikeearly30smaybe,andjibesmewith, WhyareyouevenUSINGthattechniqueanyway??Jesuswasnt evenREAL!Justtotallymockingthewholething. !! Thistimehearingthehumanmalevoicesdidntfazeme.SoIm wrestling with this entity, whatever it really is, and meanwhile ImaddressingMr.Sarcasmofftothesideinthesamesortofvoice onemightusetoexplainsomethingtoafiveyearold.Itdoesnt MATTER if he wasnt realits the IDEA BEHIND IT that counts. Like, come on guys, lets get it on the same page here. Duh.;)REALLYfunnyinretrospect. IsuspectIwontbehavingtodealwithanymoreoftheirlittle entitieswhenImsleeping.Why?Becauseinmyopinion,these dream time entities have very human manufacturers behind them.Iwasalreadytakingthemoninaveryblasway,whichin itself is awesome and shows spiritual progression, but having knowledge that theyre not even real to begin with dissolves the game. Now, it doesnt mean all night time/astral harassers are being created by human abductors. But certainly some of them
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seemtobeasIvesincediscovered,possiblyinordertomesswith thetarget,todiscourage/scarethemfrompursuinganswers,tosink them into a lowered fear frequency and send them spiraling off course,andsoon.AndsoIpassthisonforconsideration. Theres also the offhand possibility that these entities actually are real, and were sent in by these human thems who may be involved in occult ritual practices. But again, my experience has shownmethatanentitywhocanonlycomeafteryouwhileinthe dreamtime/astral state, versus on your own turf in 3rd density whenyoureawake,issmallpotatoesandweak. If these dreamtime entity harassments ever happens to you, then two of the biggest tips I can pass along is being lucid and awarethatsimportantandbeingnonchalantandblas.Nofear, basically. Practice becoming more lucid and conscious in your waking life, as that will spill over into your sleep state. Its all aboutneutralawareness.

Thwarting psychic attacks
Thetermpsychicattackscanrefertoseveralthings:
1. Deliberatementaltargetingofanindividualbyapersonora groupofpeoplewiththeintentionofharmingtheminsome way; 2. Neg entities targeting a person to attach to them, harm them, and/or feed on them by draining their life force energy; 3. Having focused, negative thoughts about someone which inadvertentlysendsnegativeenergytothatperson. Psychicattacksgobyvariousnames,anditsthesameconcept involvedwithdarkoccultblackmagicritualswhentheintentisto harm somebody, or invoke demons and neg entities to do ones bidding. Togiveyouthebasic ideaofwhatapsychicattackwouldfeel like, following are some symptoms that I and others have experienced:
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Intenseenergydrainandlethargy,tothepointwhereitslikeyour actual life force is being sucked out of you. It will often descend out of nowhere, which is another major clue, and render you practically unable to move or do anything other than crawl onto yourbedandcollapseintoaheap.
Nausea again, usually appearing quite suddenly. Also migraines,andflashingintheeyes.
Skinfeelingasifitsonfire.
Sudden tight constriction/suffocation feeling, as if your body is beingsqueezedtodeath.
Feelingextremelynegativeandhateful.Nonaffectionateandaloof towardslovedonestothepointwhereyoufeellikeyouwantthem completelyoutofyourpresence...maybeevenyourlife.
Mentalagitationfornologicalreason,nottyingintodiet,sleep,or personal conflicts. The mind going going going, with amped up internal dialogue, repeating thought loops or all around negative mindset,andoftentimesinterferingwithsleep.
Inexplicable depression, despondency and even suicidal ideas then sometimes followed immediately by thought forms in your head telling you to go kill yourself, (or as Ive experienced, being toldtogolaydownanddie,rightnow.)
Suddenonsetofanxiety/panicattack.
Nightmaresandoverallnastythemed/violent/upsettingdreams.
Thesesymptomswillusuallygotogetherasapackagedealof sorts, and arent to be confused with the flu, or viral/bacterial sickness which can cause some of the same reactions. When Im sick, Ill usually get the sinus discomfort, sore throat, and a fever thatcomesfrominsidethebodyandaccompaniedbychills,which is how I can differentiate between true sickness and then something else. Also, sickness doesnt descend as rapidly as psychic attacks do. With a psychic attack you can literally be fine oneminute,andthenbeovercomethenext.Andconversely,you can be under attack and then within seconds of intervention treatmentasquickasthesnapofafingerbefineagain.
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Soyoumaybewondering,whyamImentioningallofthisina book that concerns abductions? Namely because psychic attacks are often a major component involved with the military abduction/MILABSphenomenon,andthereforemakesitsomething worth mentioning. Somebody I know was once experiencing a psychicattackanddecidedtoliedown,meditate,andtraceitback tothesourcetodiscover who wasbehind it all. Surprisingly, this person found themselves popping in on three remote viewers working in an underground base whose job it was to hone in on himandmesswithhim.Theremoteviewersinturnreceivedquite a jolt to suddenly find their target looking right back at them. ! Theywerentexpectingthat.Sothisisprobablyfarmorecommon than people realize: governmentsponsored black ops remote viewers and psychic warriors being used to knock targets off balance in life, possibly to inflict harm, and maybe even get somebodytakenoutofthepicture. But dont despairit can be combated! Of course, otherwise I wouldnt bother to mention it. The most important thing is to be able to recognize that this is happening in the first place. By learning that psychic attacks exist, and what some of the major symptoms are, youre already half way there. They count on peoplebeingignoranttothings,remember.Thatshowtheyreable todowhattheydo.So,itsallaboutbecominginformed. The next step is to pry the source of the attack off your body. Removethemuck,andsevertheconnection.Whatmanypeopledo istoliedownandthenintendfortheconnectiontobreak. Ifyouhappentohavesomebodynearbywhosgiftedwiththe artofhandsonhealing,thatsgoodtoo.Inthatcase,thelayingon of hands with the intent for the negs to leave, right now, can be enoughtogetthenegstoflyrightoffyourbody.Iveexperienced that,so,Iknowitsreal.Inthemeantime,eitheryou,orbothyou andyourhealer,shouldbecallingonpositiveprotectiveforces.Or rather merging with your personal positive forces, as I outlined earlier in this book. Youll be shifting your frequency up, connecting to your positive forces, aligning with what they represent.ThenwhatIvealsodoneisperformamentalraking over my body, envisioning myself scraping all the neg muck that
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maystillbeonme,roundingitallup,puttingitinafigurativebag, sealingitup,coatingitinthepositiveenergythatIcalledon,and do a big ol return to sender. Sending it back to whence it came...whoever/whatever the source may be. Some people like to try to trace things back to find the source behind it all. I havent attempted something like that, but if youre curious and like answers, then go for it. By knowing who the source is, it could comeinhandyforoffsettinganyfutureattackattempts. After that, when Im on such a roll, I then like to expand my protective intent to include my cat, my boyfriend, the entire apartmentweliveinandeventhecarswedrive.:DWhynot,go allthewayandcoverallbases!Itcanthurt. Backin2000,Ihadtodoacleaninginmybedroomaswellas selfprotectionafterbeingwhompedonenightbyanastynegentity whophysicallywentaftermewhileIwasawakeinbed,vulnerable. I documented this on my website in the write up called The Vortex.Andinthatcase,Ididntcallonprotectiveforcesoreven alignwiththem.IwasntatapointinlifewhereIwasintothatsort ofthing.ButwhatIdiddo,(andwhichworked)wastoconnectto who I was as a kid. Connected to the innocence, purity, and the uncorruptedcoreofwhoIamasaperson.Sojustremembering that, and connecting to it, was enough to raise my frequency sky high. Once I was able to elevate my frequency, from there I wrappedmynegentityinlotsaluv,andsenthimbackthroughthe portal from where he came, then sealed it. So ultimately, thats what were aiming for with these protective meditations raising our frequency whatever thoughts or methods can get us there. Thereisnoone,acrosstheboardmethod.Justdowhateverworks for you. When you raise yourself up like that, the negs can no longerholdontoyou,andthehooksdetach. So thats the general outline of how its done, but everybodys goingtohavetheirownmethodsthataretailoredtothemandtheir personality and beliefs. Remember, we dont have to be helpless victims,buttheycountonusnotrealizingthis.SoIdrecommend doingresearchonwebsites,booksandresourcesthatgetintomore detailaboutnegentities,attachments,andpsychicattacksifthisisa
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subject thats of interest to you. A good starting place is the excellentbook,PracticalPsychicSelfDefense,byRobertBruce. Im also going to be honest I cant pretend that youll only have to do this once, and then life will return to flowers and rainbowspermanentlyafterwards.Itmostlikelywont.Ifyouve experiencedadeliberatetargetedattackonyouonce,andmanaged to sever the sources connection and do a return to sender, then chances are, theyll try again. Ive experienced this several times. On one occasion for instance I severed a psychic attack/entity attachment, feeling fantastic afterwards to the point where I was practically floating and had blasted my heart chakra wide open, only to find myself inexplicably edgy and grumpy/low frequency within 24 hours. BUTI dont mention this to instill fear. My mindset is matteroffact, its just how it is shoulder shrugging awareness. They dont just let people go without a fight after one thwarted attack. So if you do have to protect yourself against a psychicattack/attachment,dokeepinmindthatitmostlikelywill return. All of which means, intend for continued protection in the future, take preventive measures to keep up your frequency, and eliminateavenuesinyourlifethatallowthemtobreachyourrealm again. If youre aware and prepared, then it wont be a big deal. AndIbelievethatafterafewtimeswiththat,theyWILLgiveup.
End Times Programming

After the original printing of this book, an interesting subject came up on a message board I participate in the idea of apocalypticdoomsdayendtimesscenariosseemingtobeanactual need of mass consciousness, whether its Biblical Revelations, the Rapture, the New Ages Shift/Ascension, 2012, Y2K, nuclear war, PlanetX,globalwarming,iceage,poleflips,cometimpacts,andso on.AndrightthenasIreadandpostedtothatthreadImadethe connectionregardingmyownapparentendtimesprogramming, received via my MILABS involvement. Id never thought much about it before then, and it certainly slipped my mind during the
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original writing of this book. Then, synchronistically within a day ofmakingthatpostIcameacrossabrandspankingnewarticleby JamesBartleyoutliningwhatofallthings,butMILABSendtime programming.!Mr.Bartleysarticlewasexcitingformetoreadas he wastalkingabouttheexactsortofprogrammingI myselfhave experienced.ThereareendlessusesforMILABStargetsandmany aspectsofprogramminggoingon,butIthinkendtimescataclysm, NWOlock down society programming is SUCH a huge and importantonethatitwarrantsitsownsectioninthisbook. For me, this programming seems to have started back in 2000 when I was roommates with my brother in SoCal and apparently beingabducted,butnotawareofit.Iknewhehadthethemsin hislife,butIwasinastateofoblivionaboutmyowninvolvement. I was also not into reading conspiracy material at that point, and onlyhadsomebasicunderstandingoftheNWO.Butyetatthis time I began experiencing what could be called obsessive thoughts regarding a future society in the midst of NWO lockdown/martial law.Idhave thesevivid imaginings that would invade my thoughts where I could see tanks rolling down the streetsofurbanL.A.,soldierswithgunsdrawn,patrolling,keeping everybody in line. Me living on the outside of this locked down society,onthelamsotospeak,inthewoodsorincaves.These thoughtsweresopervasivethatasawriterIwantedtowritesome sort of story about it all, otherwise they were just burning up my brainwithnooutlet. These thoughts continued into 2002 and 2003, an allaround stateofmindthatwasexpecting,preparedandevenhopingfor a cataclysm where I would be a survivalist living in a post apocalypticsociety,again,onthelamfromoppressiveforcestrying tokeepeverybodyinline.Itsnotreallynormaltowantthissort offuturesocietyandtobethinkinginthatdirection. Ibeganreadingmilitaryissuedsurvivalmaterial,booksonhow to grow and forage your own food, make your own soap and candles. Not in a crazy, wild eyed way, but out of matteroffact, levelheadedinterest.IcreatedaBugOutBagloadedwithallthe necessaryonthelamsurvivalsupplies.Therewasaveryvivid, realisticdreamofanuclearexplosionIhadonenightwhereitwas
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End of the Game for me. Vivid imaginings of walking along roadsthatnolongerhadcarsonthem,becausemostpeoplewerent drivinganymoreduckingoffintothewoodstododgethepolice roadblocks set up along the way for interrogating the rare people who did still drive. More vivid imaginings of Washington D.C. being nuked because its only 100 miles away from where we currently live. Just far enough away that we wouldnt be killedbut still within a major danger zone requiring us to leave, andthensurvivinginasocietythatwouldnowbeinchaos.Vivid imaginings of panhandling for food outside stores that I could no longergointobecauseIdsaidnototheBigBrothermicrochipping, whileotherssaidyes.SonowIhadtobeontheoutsidelookingin. But then, there was the mother of all bein on the lam and escaping the NWO dreams: It was so vivid that it may as well have happened. The dream started with the U.S. being in a war situation and with martial law in effect; I then found myself travelingbyfootacrossthecountryandwasinaconveniencestore where people were gathered around the T.V. that hung from the ceiling,calmlywatchingthenewsreports.Thenitculminatedwith me and several others illegally hitching rides on freight trains, trying to get cross country past closed state borders. We were somewhereoutwest,inopen landwith mountains inthedistance and a piercing blue sunny sky. Military snipers dressed in black weresetupintermittentlyalongthetrackstopluckoffpeoplelike me.Isawtwosniperdudesabout30feet(?)fromthetracks,oneof whomhadhisrifleupandfiring.Theonenexttohimhadhisrifle down, and just stood there squinting in the sun, letting the other guytakehisshotsatus.Icouldfeelthebulletswhizzingpastmeas I rounded the corner of the box car to get away and hang off the other side, and thats where the dream ended. My mentality throughitallwascalmandnonchalant.Justdoingwhatneededto bedone.Nofear. WhenIpendulumdowsedthisbackin2005Igotthatno,itwas notanormaldream.andno,itwasntaprophesyeither,believeit or not. Much to my disappointment. Being wired to find this desirable and appealing means I was secretly hoping for such a fun and dangerous future! But alas, it apparently was not a
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premonitionofarealsituationwaitingtohappen.Sowhatwasit then? Well, what I got from my line of questioning was that yes, thiswasprogramming.Interesting,Ithought,thenputitasideand forgotallaboutit.Untilnow,afterfindingtheJamesBartleyarticle, which outlines verbatim the fact that MILABS are being run through dream time and virtual reality training programs designed to prep them for some future locked down post cataclysm society where they will be on the lam, traveling cross country,dodgingthebadguysandhavingtoforageforfoodand survive. http://theuniversalseduction.com/MilabOperations.pdf It was more almost falling out of my chair when I read this. Justtoseesomebody describingmy obsessive thoughts, ideas and dreamsthatIvebeenhavingoverthepastsixyearswasamazing. SoIguessthependulumwasright. Sohowcanyoutellthedifferencebetweenapremonitionvision ofonesfutureversusprogrammingdreamsandthoughts?Easy programmingdreamsarevivid.Toovivid.Theyresorealitwas like you were there, and they seem to involve very negative scenarios.True premonitiondreams seem tobe a lotmoresubtle, atleastinmyownexperiences.Andthethoughtsandimaginings that I would have while awake didnt feel real. They seemed to invade my mind, seeping in almost like a virus you could say, overtakingwhateverIwasthinkingaboutbefore.Theydtakeona lifeoftheirown,growingbiggerandbiggerlikeasnowballrolling downamountain.Truewakingpremonitions,asIveexperienced themanyway,tendtobesuddenflashesthathappeninaninstant, notconnectedtoanything. The next question then is Why? Why are MILABS being programmedwithendtimestrainingscenarios,andbeingwiredto desire this in their lives? And most importantly, are all MILABS being given this programming? Or only selected individuals? James Bartley has his personal theory for whats going on here, (boldedwordsmyownemphasis):
the obvious first candidates for survival are milab adults and especiallymilabchildrenwhohavelatentparaphysicalabilitiesdue
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totheiruniqueDNA.Fromthestandpointofthemilitarycontrollers, milabsandmilabchildrenarenotnegligiblecommodities.Theyare extremely valuable. Think about it: Even aliens, sometimes several different species of aliens are interested in these people. The aliens particularlythereptiliansandthedracs,musthaveagoodreasonfor beinginterestedinthesemilabs.
Onasidenote:Forsomereadingthatitcanbeanegowankto feel as if theyre one of the special chosen ones, due to special abilitiesandbloodlines,althoughIknow that wasnt Mr. Bartleys intended purpose in mentioning it. This is just a word of caution for anybody who might make the mistake of falling for that potential ego pitfall, and its something else I mention later on in thisbook.Withthatsaid,ItendtoagreewithMr.Bartleythatthis could be one particular reason for why some MILABS are being targeted for training. As always though, theres never just one reasonforanything,andImthinkingtheremaybemorelayersto peelbackhere:
1, Disinformation. If targets are programmed with very vivid, believabletrainingscenariosandendtimesbattledreamsitmay reinforceandconvincethemthatthisreallyisourfuture.Inturn, theyhelppropagatethispossiblymistakenbeliefoutintheworld on the internet, with friends and family, and so on. So, a case of MILABSpossiblybeingprogrammedtoinfluencethemasses. 2. Ensnaring/herding desirable targets onto a negative timelines. In getting a MILABS attention focused obsessively on these negative future scenarios, the programmers are getting these selected desirable targets to inadvertently pull that negative probablefuturerealitytothemselves.Likeattractslike,andyour health, job, friends, and life happenings in general all reflect what youvepulledtoyourselfviayouractions,thoughts,fears,(orlack thereof)attitudes,andbeliefsaboutwhatspossibleandwhatisnt. Thesamegoesforwhereyouwindupinthefuture:Yourattitudes, thoughts, actions and beliefs right now, as you read this, are shapingwhatupcomingtimelinesyoufindyourselfon.Andwhat ifyouresomebodywithenormouspotentialonafuturepositive
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timeline? And youre being derailed/sabotaged into pulling yourselftowardsonethatsverynegative?Nowtheresathought. 3. Encourage a ServicetoSelf (STS) militia mindset. One of the MILABS women in Bartleys article was trained for how to grab a shoppingcartandraceherwaythroughasupermarkettostockpile food and supplies in the event of an emergency, beating out everybody else. Yay for me, I have food, too bad for you, youre goingtostarve!beingthementality.Anotherpartofthisendtimes cataclysmprogramminginvolveswhattodowiththosewhocant keep upwith you whenyoure onthelamand trying to survive. The programming tells you to drop them, and dont think twice. Nomatterwhotheyareeveniftheyrealovedone.Iverunup against thoughts like this, wondering hmm, what happens if someone Im with is dragging me down, but its someone I care about?? Then I read about this very same thing in Mr. Bartleys article. Drop em, says the programming. A completely self centered,mememe!STSsurvivalistmindsetalltheway.Atfirst I could sort of understand that point of view although I wasnt comfortablewithit,sojustpusheditoutofmyhead,notwanting to think about something like that. After awhile though things began changing in me, and thats when I said, You know, wait a minute here!! I dont think I could do that. I dont want to do that! To me it was the whole false two choice dichotomy deal, where were only given two black and white polar opposite extremes to choose from either save yourself at the expense of others, or go down in flames with lagwagons who will drag you down. X! How about neither. How about this entire end times programmingdebacleisbunk?Wheresmythirdoptionhere? ding ding ding! Once you begin questioning things and aligning with a positive path, the negative programming starts to fall apart at the seams and loses its appeal. You start to see it for what it is. They want MILABs to adopt a militia mentality, one wheretheyvegotgunsandarewillingtotrampleonanybodywho gets in their way, and do what they have to do to survive. Its utterly ridiculous in my opinion and strips a person of their
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humanity. Id starve to death before I carried on like that. Some peoplearealreadyquiteSTSorientedthough,and/oraresomebody with the potential to tip over in that direction, which is probably why theyre targeted for this sort of programming. Keep in mind that they are always scoping for good STS recruits. ;) They can scan frequencies, see who has the dark side potential lurking withinthem,orthosewhoarealreadyfullblownlivingit,making foranexcellentnewrecruit.Come,comeworkforus,yousmart, psychic,STSbloodlineyou! 4.Gowestintoatrap?SomethingelseMr.Bartleynotedinhis write up, which matched with my own dream experience, was that MILABS were being directed to go west in these being on the lam and traveling cross country scenarios. Go westwhy? One idea is that the southwest is riddled with both above and below ground military bases that have both human and alien personnel,aswellashavingenergyvorticesgalore.Itis,oratleast, hasthepotentialtobe,onehugehigherdensitybleedthrough.So, stuff may be waiting to round up the arriving programmed recruitsoncetheyobeytheirprogrammingandmakethejourney. Anotherideamaybepurelysurvivaloriented,togetawayfrom crowded urban areas with lots of people, police, guns, mayhem, and lockdown. Get to rural empty land away from people, and maybehaveabetterchanceatsurvival. Related to that is the concept of Earth changes its been reported that many high up people in the know have been relocating to, and building homes in, Idaho, Montana, Colorado, Wyoming, New Mexico and Arizona, because those areas will supposedly be safe in the event that things wind up underwater. ManyNewAgers,MILABSandmilitiasurvivalistsingeneralhave itintheirheadstogowest/southwest,thatitautomaticallybegs tobequestioned.Itsextremelysuspiciousatbest,andIjustknow thatshouldIeverfindmyselfinthemiddleofasocietygonetopot, Im going the opposite of where all the programmed people are being herded. Forget the wide open baking hot desert with no food, water and no place to hide.one would be way better off headingfordenselyforestedareaswheretheresfood,betteraccess
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to water, shade, and means to make solid camouflaged shelters. Andthefartherinlandandtheclosertomountains,thebetterjust in case were talking about Earth changes here where things have goneunderwater.So,youknow,justathought.;) Sowehavefourpotentialreasonsoffthetopofmyheadasthe reasonforthisprogramming.Andyetallofitmanagestocleverly skirtthefreewillviolationkinkintheworks.Why?Becausewe ashumanshaveselfawarenessandsentience,withtheabilityto think, question and analyze not only ourselves, but the world. And its up to us to put those abilities to use. And if we dontthen oh well, not the programmers faults. ;) So the negs wayofthinkinggoes.Theyliketoexploitlackofawarenessforall its worth, get away with as much as they possibly can. The programmersarenttechnicallyforcingthetargetontothatnegative timelinenoraretheyforcingthemtoliveoutthatscenarioifand whentheydofindthemselvesinit.Thetargetstillhasfreewillto stop and go, WAIT a minute herewhy am I having these obsessive thoughts? And why do I feel like these scenarios are appealing??? And they still have free will to override the programming that would have them going west, killing and trampling on others and doing what they have to do in order to survive,andcoldlydroppingthosewhocantkeepup. Once you can recognize that you have this sort of programming, and if youve decided that you dont like it, then take back control of the wheel. Declare that youre aligned with positive sources, ask for whatever help and protection they can offer,rejecttheobsessivethoughtsaboutnegativefuturesurvivalist me me me! scenarios that would invade your mind and dreams like a virus, and begin practicing all the small ways you can override those negative STS behavioral urges as they manifest in your every day life. Youre basically reprogramming yourself is what it boils down to, and aligning yourself with a different pathandadifferentprobablefuture.
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Untangling Disinformation
Abigpartofwhatitmeanstobeanabducteeisthatpeoplewill oftenfindthemselvesbeinggivenrevelationsaboutvariousthings. Theyre shown things, told things, theyre given predictions or prophesies,insightsintowhoswhoandwhatswhatinthisreality, butthebottomlineiswhatsreal,andwhatsdisinformation? At this point Im going to relay what happened when my brother Joe finally got to meet them face to face during an abductionthathewasallowedtoremember,whichtookplacein Octoberof2001,andtherevelationsaboutus,andrealityingeneral, thathepassedontome.Hewasgivenallsortsofinformation,not only for his own programming purposes, but also because it was supposedtogettometoo,toshapetheoutcomeofwhereIwound up in life. For the actual details about what Joe saw during his abduction,seethesectioncalledTheWorldUndergroundinPart I. And keep in mind that Im not endorsing what he relayed. I thinksomeofitisflatoutcrazy.ButwhatIamgoingtodoisjust lay out there what he was told and shown, for the benefit of anybody else out there who may have been told/shown something similar during their own abduction experiences. Because from what Im starting to realize, there may be MILAB targets out there being put through the psychological mind game ringer to REALLY screw with their sense of whats real versus whats illusion, and to give them the impression that their abductors are Godlike powerhouses who control reality, all in an effort to sabotage them in life and aid the negative programming attempts. So this could be useful for that reason. Then, Ill untangle what I feelisthedisinformationandcorrect whatsmost likely been skewed. Disinformation is very clever in that its usually closely intertwined around valid information. It gets you noddingyourheadYes,Yes,Yestostuffthatmatchesuptowhat youknow,thentakesasuddenturnwayoutintoleftfieldwith hopes that youll just keep nodding your head Yes. And as mentioned earlier in Part I, theres often double reverse psychology going on, requiring multiple unravelings of the materialbeingpresented.
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AtthetimeJoetoldmeallofthis,Iknewnothingaboutanyof what he was talking about because it was 2001, and I was brand newtothisentirething.Ihadnowaytoverifyanyofitatthetime, so all I could do was document it on my computer, which I diligentlydid,andputitallonthebackburner.Onlyafterthefact didIslowlystarttofindsourceswhoweresayingthesamething. Andasmentionedpreviously,Joedidnotreaduponthesesubjects, anddidntgoonthe internet,so thatsnotwherethis information camefrom.Butthenagain...hedidnthavetoseektheinfoouton the net or in books, because he wasnt a regular person, or a regular MILABS target. I mentioned in Part I that Joe was a probe/pawnofsorts,beingpilotedbysomethingelse,andsoby theendwasactingasadirectextensionofthem. Sowiththatinmind,thesearetherevelationsthattheytold himduringhis10/01abduction:
This reality is merging with another, and because of whats happening, certain chunks of this reality have gone missing. Those missing areas are being filled in with holographic projections. You can feel when youre in a holographic projection becausethepeopleandnaturalscenerywilllacklifeenergy.
Holographic reality known as The Program is projected through an interconnected system of satellites, radio dishes and ELF waves, among other things. Basically anything that can be usedtotransmitsignals.
The media is all an illusory lie as well. He claims to have been shownsomesortofdiskthingthattheycaninsertintosomething that has a crystal, I dont fully know or understand, but thats whereourtelevision,news,etc.comesfrom. Onlyabout3outof10peopleareactuallyrealanymore.About 30% of the population. If that. The rest are what you could call drones. Empty shells, background characters, puppets of the program.Blackpeoplehowever,usuallyareallstillreal.!(he didntexplainwhy,justsaidthisiswhatyoullsee.)
Therearevarioussecretfactionsofthegovernmentandtheyreat warwitheachother.i.e.,theyallhavetheirdifferentagendasand
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theyre competing with each other. As far as the government we see the President, Senate, Congress, etcthats not whos really running things. They secret factions dont answer to them and havenoregardforitatall.Andyes,thegovernmentwasbehind 9/11.duh.;)
Inabout5yearstime,(puttingthetimelineattheendof2006,into 2007,roughly)somethingisgoingtohappenwhichisgoingtohalt the way of life as we currently know it. Things will be locked down, [martial law?] and traveling will become so expensive and suchahasslewithallthepaperworkthatsrequiredforitthatonly the rich will be able to keep doing it. Theyre going to have militarizedcheckpointssetuponthehighways,withspikepoints forpoppingtires,andfacilitiessetupundergroundforconfiscating peoplescars.
He also relayed how Portland (where we were living at the time) was a REALLY messed up city, with energy vortices, and areas of it that were fake, some parts so bad that you just didnt evenwanttogonearthem.Ivewrittenaboutthiswholesidetopic on my website, in a piece called What the @#$! is Going on in Oregon?!ifanybodyreadingthiswouldlikemoredetailsaboutit and what I witnessed while thereas well as the unexpected corroboration I received regarding his claims from an outside source. On a personal note, he went on to say that we both had implantsthatallowforthemtoseeeverythingthatwereseeing. Everything we do, say or think, can be and is monitored by them.Thentherewasthebitabouthowwerenotfromhere, soulwise, and that also, oddly enough, ties into why both of us looksoyoungforourages.Hesaidwerenotagingattheratethat others around us are. And supposedly, according to them, my brother and I were abducted when we were kids by aliens. Stuff not related to them and their agenda. They are supposedly something separatebut theyve been following us since we werekids.Theyhavefilesonuscontainingeveryknownpossible detail about us, and he said they claimed that theyve even manipulated events inour lives to see what wed do and how
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wedreact.ButthentherewasthetackedonbitthatOh,see,they likeus,andareonourside,anddowhattheycantohelpwhen they can. Theyre not supposed to, but they still sneak in help. (riiiiight.) The part about manipulating events to see what wed do and howwedreactsoundedabitridiculousatfirst.UntilIstopped and remembered that Ive seen them, whoever/whatever they are, orchestrate some pretty unbelievable synchronicities that involved actual reality manipulation. Its stuff thats so out there that I normally just dont think about it too deeply because the implications are pretty astounding. Long after Id put aside this particularrevelation ontothe backburner, I began realizing on my own that it seems as if there may be a blueprint of sorts with regards to the lives of abductees. Whether military or alien, I started to possibly see patterns in the chaos, as if our lives are being manipulated to go a certain way, with certain types of things happening at certain ages almost as if we were being experimented on. Then I remembered Joes revelation about them manipulating life events to see what wed do and how wed react, and was like, HOLY SHIT. Its something Im still lookinginto,andplantodoasmallwriteuponitinthenearfuture that will appear on my website when I can get some more information. TherewasonebigthingthatJoeheavilytriedtoimpressupon measwell,whichwasthatIneededtostopthinkingaboutthings somuch.Becausesee,thewaythegridprogramofrealityworksis thatwhenyouthinkaboutthingstomuch,ittriestobeatyoutothe punch you could say, and manipulates events based on its anticipationofwhatyourethinkingofdoing. So, if I had to untangle the things that I was told, Id say the truthwasthatyes,somethingischanginginourrealitysomecall it the shift, if you will and yes, holographic projection technologyseemstobereal,fromwhatIvesincediscoveredinthe pastfewyears.Infact,thebookBringersoftheDawnsaysmuch ofthesamestuffJoerelayed.Joehadneverreadthatthough,and neither had I, until after the fact. And as far as chunks of reality gone missing I wrestled with this one. At first I was willing to
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believeit,withaneutral,sure,anythingspossiblemindset.Then Iputthewholethingoutofmyheadforseveralyears.Now,asof 2006,Ivefoundmyselfgoingbacktothisparticularrevelationwith some shocked incredulity. Ive come across information from various people over the past year that corroborates this. Large amountsofpeopleincrowdswithnoauras.Entireareasthatused toberealbutwhichnolongeremitlifeforceenergy.Peopleseeing the white grid lines, of which I have some personal experience with as well. And so on.So now Ive found myself returning to thisrevelationwithparticularinterest. Now, fake media generated from a disc I know that what were told via the media is a bunch of lies, but as far as the entire shebang being completely fake, people and all no. Although I wouldnt doubt that the technology he was describing was real discs, crystals, and who knows what, which all sounds very Atlanteanesque.ButImsureithadtodowithsomethingelse,not that. But what does seem to be valid is the concept of drones. Peoplewhoarecontenttoservetheprogram/system,andwhotry to keep the rest of us in place. To say that Ive noticed people who werent acting right is putting it mildly, and this started happeningformebackin2000,beforemyabductionswereknown to me. Ive encountered people with big empty eyes, whose responses were not matching what was being said, people who could only talk about normal things, and who literally, shut downwhensomethingwoowoowassaid,andpeoplewhowere justactingreeeeaallyoffingeneral.Soyeah,thisparthasvalidity, inmyopinion. 9/11beingstaged?Absolutely.Thegovernmentnotbeingwhat were told it is? Check. Secretfactions? Yup.At war witheach other?Imsure.Sothatallseemstobetrue. However, the part about not thinking about things too much because of the way the program works was actually where the brunt of the most potentially damaging disinfo. was. It was designed to get my reality creation abilities nipped in the bud, pronto.IveconsistentlybeenabletomanifestwhatIneedinlife, going way back to when I didnt even know about such concepts.
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SoimaginewhatwouldhappenshouldIbegintryingtoturnmy mindoffandnotthinktoomuch.Asmentionedearlierinthis writeup,theyneedpeopletonotthink.Theyneedpeoplewho areasleepandunaware,driftingthroughlifeonautopilot.People whothinktoomuchareadangerousthing. Asfarasthepredictionaboutfiveyearstimeguesswelljust havetowaitandsee.Thethingaboutthisoneisthatmyselfand othersthatIknowthroughamessageboardforumhavefeltsome definitive changes or shifts you could say over the past year or so. We feel like weve shifted onto a different timeline nowseveral times in fact. Some of us even have very clear knowing/memories that we are repeating ourselves as if in a time loop of sorts, myself included, and Im not talking about dj vu either. So for me Im not worried about this predicted future becausethebottomlineis,thefutureisopen,canchange,andhas already been changed on multiple occasions since 2001. There are manyopenprobabilitiesafactorthatwasconvenientlyleftout ofthisprediction.OFcourse.;)Theydonttellyouthingslike that,remember. AndwhileIdontdoubtthebothofuswereimplanted,thefact that I was told how my every action and thought could be heard and seen by them was said (in my opinion) in the hopes of drivingmeintoselfconscious,fearfulparanoianotbecauseitwas just some useful tidbit to know. Luckily, I didnt go down that route,anddecidedthatIdidntcarewhattheywereseeing/hearing. Whichtiesintooneofthebiggestunderlyingreasonsfortellingme anyofthisstuffinthefirstplace:tobreakmepsychologically,and get me to choose a very dark path as a result of what I now knew.Fakemedia.Fakepeople.Fakereality.Nothingsreal! Haveapsychologicalmeltdown!Theresnopointinbeingnormal andmainstreamanymore,right?Justgocrazyandbeasociopathic criminal,likeJoe.Closemyselfofftopeople,andhatethemall,use themandexploitthem,thewayhedid.AndifeverythingIdidor thought was known to them, and theyd been snagging me and watching me my whole life, then shrink up in paranoid, self conscious fear. Be a helpless victim. All the while believing that theseguyswerereallythegoodguys,whohelpwhentheycan.;)
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WhenIwastalkingaboutthistopictoamaleabducteeoverthe internet,hesaidthattheirattemptstopsychologicallydestroyhim onlybackfired.Idsaidthesamethingaboutmyownsituation,so itwasfunnytohearhimsaythat. Several months after Joe relayed these revelations, I had a dream where I was shown what reality would be like without ThePrograminplace.Itscaredtheshitoutofme,isallIcansay. Itwasbrief,butIheardamalehumanvoicesomewhereofftothe side or behind me, narrating, but I couldnt see him. (Communicatingthroughimplantsmostlikely.)AndthenIfound myselfhovering in an empty void of total nothingness, my feet hanging in midair, accompanied by the most intense feeling of panicandanxietyIveprobablyeverfelt.Itsreallyhardtoexplain, butIdhavetosayitreallydidactuallymaybefeellikehowavoid in reality might feel. THIS is what its like without the program I was told. Kind of like, Do you get it now? Without fakereality,thisiswhatyoudhave.Notverynice,isit? Iwokefromthatexperienceinafullpanic,gaspingforbreath, nerves on end, really messed up. Whether somebody was really showingmesomethingvalid,justasausefulandinformativeFYI, orwhetheritwasallmanipulativemindcontrolgamesdesignedto break me psychologically, I can only guess. I actually suspect it couldbeamixofboth.Butthisdoesmakemewonderthoughhow manyotherabducteesarebeingtargetedinasimilarfashion,given revelationsandinsights,whethertrueornot,whicharedesignedto trytoderailtheminlife.Ifanybodyoutthereexperiencesanything evenremotelysimilartowhatIwentthroughwhileupinPortland, theonlythingIcansuggestistonotflipout.Keepyourwitsabout you, and just put whatever youre told or shown on the backburneruntilalaterdatewhenyoucangetmoreinformation and corroboration. Thats all you can do. You cant just automatically believe it and take it at face value, no matter what flashytheatricstheythrowatyou.WhatIvediscoveredisthey have alotofabilities,sure. But whats real, andwhat isnt?The thing to always keep in mind too is the spiritual bigger picture. The stuff they dont tell you about are higher positive forces and yourownHigherSelf.WhenIdiscoveredthatin2003itwaslikeI
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gained a whole spiritual arsenal against them. Thats when everythingchanged.Soitsanabsolutemusttokeepthataspectof itallattheforefrontofyourmind.
Multiple Personalities vs. Multiple Personas

Before researching heavily into the subject of mind control, I independently came up with the idea of what I call multiple personas, which differs from the concept of multiple personality disorder. In the case of MPD (or Disassociative Identity Disorder, DID,asitsnowcalled)weunderstanditasbeingasituationofthe person having separate, individual fractured personalities, sometimes having their own unique names, genders, ages, personalities,speechpatterns,mannerisms,etc.,andaccompanying black out periods when personalities are flip flopping back and forth. Its wild stuff. And I cant say Ive ever known anybody personally who had this problem to that severe of an extent althoughIhaveontheotherhand,witnessedwhatIhavedeemed multiplepersonas.Itsamuchmilderformofbeingafullonsplit personality, but its not to be confused with being a multi dimensional person. If youre real youre not going to be a one dimensional cardboard cut out after all. Youre going to exhibit different moods, different sides of yourself as you navigate your way through life playing your various roles. Youre a mom, a friend,awifeandlover,aneighbor,adaughter.Somebodysdad, brother, son, boss, husband. You cant be one way to everybody, andthatsverynormalandtotallyunderstandable. But what Im talking about is having an almost split personality. A situation where the mood swings are more like severepersonalityswings,butthepersoninquestionstill answers to their name and never loses awareness of their core self, versusmultiplepersonalitydisorderwhereapersonmayanswerto a different name, thinking they are actually somebody else. My theoryisthatinthecaseofmultiplepersonastherecouldbeoneof a couple of things happening: 1) the mind control target has had
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their mind split/fractured during programming sessions, which leavesthemwithpersonalityinstabilityintheirwakinglifethatin turn, can cause their personality to shift around, yetthey never quite make the full flip over into a compartmentalized alter, losingthesenseofwhotheyare.Itstopsjustshortofthat,leaving the person a fully functioning member of society, with (relatively) little suspicious behavior that would be noticed by anybody.Or2)itsasituationwhereprogrammingtofracturethe mindhasonlybeendoneonamild,surfacelevel. Ifiguredsomethisoutonmyownaround19992000orso,after having experienced my moms rapid and unstable personas switchesasateen,aswellashearingmybrothersstory,andthen observing my then boyfriend, as well as my own self, only to stumbleontocorroboratingdataseveralyearslaterinanarticleby GuntherRassbacherthatbackedupthetentativetheory.Fromthe onlinearticleOperationOpenEyes:MindControlinAmerica FiveEasyStepstoCreateaManchurianCandidatebyRassbacher (boldedwordsmyownemphasis):
ThenextstepisLevel3hypnosis,wherethesubjectwillbecomean overwrite upon his own personality. An overwrite is a new identityorpersonality.Itissimilartohavingmultiplepersonalities, except the original personality is repressed or hidden under the overwrite and will not surface for a set period of time which is determinedbytheProgrammer.
Theoverwriteisnotacompletenewidentity.Thereisjustenough information written into the subjects personality for us to determine hisviability
While I have yet to know somebody who exhibited individualized split personalities to a severe extent, I have on the other hand, witnessed the concept of multiple personas, or maybe anoverwrite,asitscalledintheaboveexcerpt.Ihavealsoseen thesepeopleassignan alternatemoniker to themselves that they liketooccasionallygoby,andsometimeswouldusethatnamein lieuoftheirgivennamebutyet,whilestillretainingfullmemory andrecognitionoftheirrealself.(havealsoreadofanumberof famouspeoplethatIsuspectofbeingmindcontrolledwhodothis
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aswell,admittingtotheirvariousalteregoswhohavetheirown names!) Mybrother(backwhenhewasalive)hadhisalterego,Shawn Hill, and mentioned a couple of incidents back when he lived in Connecticutwherepettycriminalstuffhappened,anditseemed like he probably did it as Shawn Hill buuuuthe couldnt remember doing itnecessarily. It seemed like he had a vague recollection of being there and doing those things, but, it was so hazy Talking to him on the phone back in 1998 or 1999, he told methathedidntwanttobecalledJoeanymore.Hewantedtobe calledShawn.HisnewnamewasShawnHill.Ilaughednervously, like,Ohhhkay.Well,ImnotgoingtocallyouShawn.YoureJoe to me. Your name is Joe. His whole demeanor during that call wasshortandbrusque,andhewasevenlessamusedbymyrefusal to acknowledge this overwrite persona named Shawn Hill. But noticethatheneverlostawarenessofJoe.Eventhoughhewasin ShawnHillcharacter,hestillknewfullwellwhoJoewas,andJoe, when being Joe, was fully aware that there was this Shawn Hill running around doing things he could only vaguely remember. Thats not true multiple personality disorder. But its definitely something. And multiple personas, or personality overwrites seemlikeagooddefinitionforthisphenomenon. And my exboyfriend that I mentioned, (whose dad happened tobeformerNSA)alsohadanalternatenamethathedoccasionally useforhimself,Scott.Whenwewereoutinpublichedgivehis nameasScott.Itneverstruckmeasbeinganythingtooweird,just somefunnythinghelikedtodo.But,thentherewasthefactthat he experienced memory black outs where entire chunks of things he did, conversations hed had, were gone. It was like he may as well have never done those things. And then the most telling incident that I witnessed with him occurred three years into the relationship (when the relationship was dead anyway) and tipped me off that there was an issue, and it was when he split off in midconversation. One second we were having a light hearted exchange,thenexthisfacechanged,wentblank.Notonlydidhe not remember what hed just said a second earlier, but he completely denied even having the entire conversation wed just
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been having. Even me rehashing the entire conversation Okay, yousaidthis,thenIsaidthat,thenyousaidthisthenIsaidthat! didnothingtojoghismemory.Ididntreactwelltoitall,letsjust putitthatway.WhenIhadtoaskhim,Whatdoyouhavelike, multiple personalities or something?!? then I kind of knew. If you evenhavetoaskthatquestion,thenitmeanssomethinisgoingon. Yet, I dont believe these incidents can be classified as full fledged multiple personality disorder, because it wasnt like I wouldcome home one dayandtryto talktomy brother, or then boyfriend,onlytohavethempullacrazyandtellmeJoeisnthere right now... Or Whos Steve?? Im ScottI dont know who Steveis. meanwhile,asthey believethey reallyare their alter ego.Youhearaboutthatsortofthinghappeningtopeoplethough. LateronafterImovedmybrotherouttoCaliforniatocomelive withmeandSteve,weweretalkingabouthisJoe/Shawnthing,and ImentionedmysuspicionstohimaboutSteve.Herespondedwith abiggrinandsaid, Yeah, youdidntknow that? Inoticed it the firstweekIwashere! !! Yes, I guess I did miss the signs, what can I say. Joe claimed thathewatchedSteveswitchduringoneoftheirconversations Steves expression changed, like he was suddenly switching personalities, or coming toand Joe could tell that Steve didnt recognizewhatwasgoingon.SupposedlyStevehadanohshit lookonhisface,andjustplayeditoffsoastonotattractattention tothesituation. Myownsituationisaweirdone.Backin1996,whenIwas21 22,longbeforeIknewthatIwasanabducteeandhadDEFINITELY never heard of government/military abductions and the subject of mindcontrol,Iawokeonemorningandclearlyheardinmyminda male voice saying with big eye rolling disdainful sarcasm, You havesomanypersonalitiesyoucantevenkeepup. !!!What??!?Ithoughttomyself.Wheredidthatcomefrom?It couldntbeadreamforstarterstherewerenovisuals,justamale voice. And why would I dream something like that anyway? I wondered.Andfurthermore,atthetimeIactuallydidnthaveso many personalities. I was relatively stable and one way with
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everybody.Soitreallydidntmakemuchsense.Nowofcourse,I know about MILABs, programming, the human males that are involvedinmineandthewaytheysound,(almostalwayswiththat same sarcasm) mind control, compartmentalization, split off personasandthelike,andsoitallmakesperfectsense.Andwhile IveneverbeenlikeJoeorSteve,andhaveneverflippedanddone 180sasquickly(andscarily)asmymomcouldanddid,andIdont havetwomesandexperienceblackoutperiodslikemydaddoes (whichIgetintointheAppendix)unfortunatelyastheyearshave gone on Ive noticed what I consider to be persona instability. And I dont like it. I feel like there are multiple sides of me, who have multiple conflicting views and end up contradicting each other.Icanfeelmyselfshiftingaroundbutisitjustnormalmood shifting? I dont know. If Im conscious of it, it means its not a splitoffpersona.Theresneveracompleteamnesiacbreak.Ive never adopted an alternatename formyself theway programmed multiples often will, and in fact Im adamantly against that. Im Carissa. Period. I wont even tolerate a nickname, even when peoplehavetriedtogivemeone.AndIveneverexperiencedblack outperiods,norhaveIeverbeenconfrontedwithaconversationor situationwhereIwasapparentlythere,butyet,havenomemoryof it. Thankfully! That to me is where the line is drawn. Up until that point theres a suspicious issue occurring, but its not serious. When you cross over into black out periods and alternate names, thenyoureintrouble!Myownsituationisapartfrommyfamily, because Ive never carried on the way they have, taking things to that extent. I think a persons frequency determines how unstable theyllbehave.Bothofmyparentshadverylowfrequencies,asdid my brother either emotionally volatile, and/or extremely depressedandangrysotheirissueswereQUITEnoticeable;on the other hand, Steve always tried to be as emotionally neutral, stableandbalancedaspossible,(Librasun/moon,gofigure;))so quitefittingly,hisproblemswentrelativelyunnoticed. But the reason that this phenomenon can go undetected for so long with some people is because the key lies in its subtlety. People are looking for the BIG and DRAMATIC and
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EXAGGERATED,thewayitgoesinthemovies.Butreallifeisnt goingtobelikethemovieSybil. Imwillingtobettheissueofmultiplepersonasasasideeffect ofmindcontrolprogrammingismorecommoninsocietythenwe think. When you take into consideration how many military and government agency personnel there are out there, both active and retiredand their familiesas well as the number of Hollyweird performers and entertainers, models, singers and television personalities; politicians, corporate big wigs, political authors and other high profile people with huge influence; inmates, juvenile throwaways, sex industry workers and runaways; New Age and religiousgurus,andthealternativehealth,healingandmetaphysics arenathatsahellofalotofpeople.Andthosearealltheprime target candidates, according to the research. Main targets are peoplewhoarefrontandcenterofallmajorareasinoursociety that would serve to distract us and/or steer us down the wrong path,aswellassocietysthrowaways,rejects and lost souls who are exploited simply because they can be. However, many of thesepeoplestillneedtofunctioninsocietyandhavetheirdouble lives, which means their programming needs to be relatively seamless. So subtly is imperative, as mentioned. Which means mostofthetime,thingswillgoundetectedandmostofsocietywill continuetoremainunawarethatthisishappening.
Physical and spiritual isolation of targets

Isolation and relationship interference
When doing the research, I came across something interesting thatreallystoodoutformeitwastheconceptofkeepingamind controlledsubjectisolatedinlife.Assomebodywhoselifetheme forthelongesttimeseemedtobeaboutisolation,whichIgetmore into in the Appendix, I really sat up and took notice of this. Its importantenoughtobementionedhereinthispieceonlybecause isolation can be extremely detrimental for a programmed person.
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WeNEEDother(quality)peopleinourlives,iffornootherreason thantohelpkeepaneyeonusandmakesureweredoingokay. Keepingatargetisolatedfromfriendsandfamily,inasituation wheretheyrelivingalone,meanstheprogrammers/abductorswill have unlimited access and will experience little if any interference with their activities. An isolated abduction/mind control target is one that has no checks and balances system in their life. Self awareness of their abduction situation certainly helps, but sometimes we just cant pull ourselves out of a programmed funk onourown,ormightnotbeabletooverridecertainprogramming urges.Sohavingpeoplearoundusthatwecantalktoorwhocan getustosnapoutofitisnecessary.Andiftheyrepeoplewhoare aware and on the level regarding abductions and mind control, thenitsevenbetter. Asmentioned,myownlifehadbeennothingbutavariationon theisolationthemeforthelongesttimeandIcanthelpbutnotice how this probably has enabled much of the abductions and programmingthatmaynothavehappenedotherwise.Ihaveonly metahandfulofother peoplein lifethathavebeen ascutoffasI have been from family and normal friendships and normal relationships,andwhowereascompletelyindependent,startingat suchayoungage. TheexcerptthatIcameacrosswhichfirstbroughtthisissueto light for me was the following, from Secret, Dont Tell by Carla Emery,discussingthecaseofCandyJones,andwhichwasactually anexcerptfromanothersourcebeingquoted:
Thefirststageofanymindcontrolprograminvolvesisolationfrom family and friends while the foundation programming is implanted. Afterthat,amorepermanentformofisolationisbuiltin:talkfrankly only with us; stay away from them. Jensen and Burger also programmedinharshprejudicesforthepurposeofalienatingCandy from all definable groups of people. Jensens flat nofriends rule dealt with the rest. The mindcontroller wanted her to be a self sufficient loner who avoided people and avoided relationships becauseCandysaidmostofthemwouldntunderstandwhatIwas doing.Icouldnttaketherisk.(Bain,page141.)
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A selfsufficient loner who avoided peoplethat was and is definitely me. By the time I was 19, my favorite phrase was Its justme,myselfandmeinthisworld.Theresnobodyelseinthis world that can help me. Im on my own. I have no safety net in life.Ihavetotakecareofmyself,becausenobodyelsewilland nobody else cares. That was my philosophy, for years. It developed for a good reason, because events had conspired to make this the case. But even when I did have people around me whocared,andthiswasntnecessarilythecase,Istillhadthisinmy head.Also,consideringthatmyentireimmediatefamilyhasmajor signs of being abducted and tampered with, its probably no accidentthatthingswentthisway. AnotherexcerptfromSecret,DontTell:
At their wedding, [Candy Jones] long years of CIAconditioned isolationwereobvious.LongJohnhadfortyguests.Candyhadnone, except her mother and the attendant who looked after her. Donald Bain, Nebels friend and biographer, noticed that, and thought it strange.page72.
ThatwouldsobemeintheeventIweretoevergetmarried.;) Except I wouldnt even have my mother. It would just be me, myselfandme.IusedtosaytomyselfthatevenifIdideverdecide togetmarriedforsomereason.howIcanhaveaweddingwhen theres nobody to invite! And the same goes for deathbecause therewerelongstretchesinmylifewhereIwaslivingalone,with no family around, no boyfriend/husband, and no friends or acquaintances, I realized it would be a precarious situation were I to die in a car crash or something. Nobody would know I was gone.Therewouldbenobodytoclaimthebody.!So,bettermake sureIdontdieprematurely! InthecaseofCandyJones,itwasherCIAcontrollersgivingher programming commands to ensure that she didnt pursue friendshipsandrelationshipsandkeptherselfisolatedfromothers in life, but its not always human government agent thems that dothis.Thisisalsosomethingimplementedbyhyperdimensional aliens,entities,hybrids,whateverthecasemaybe.Anditwould be done not only through abduction programming, but through
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manipulationofthepeoplearoundtheabductee,sincethatswhat higherrealmentities arecapableof. Put the spotlight on both the abductee and those closest to them, working everybody equally until something eventually gives. Friendship and relationship interference go hand in hand with being an abductee. Those times you do find yourself connecting to someone in life may be met with all sorts of bizarre happenings to keep you apart and derailthesituation.AuthorEveLorgenwroteaboutthisindepth in her book The Alien Love Bite Alien Interference in Human LoveRelationships.http://www.alienlovebite.com/Inthecaseof thealienlovebitescenario,thepurposeseemstobetwofoldto interfere for the sake of keeping people apart, and also to feed on the extreme emotions that would be involved in such love relationshipsgoneawry. Isolating a high mark target is imperative if you plan to be abductingthemonaregularbasisgetthemalonesotheycanbe takenmorefrequently,andwithoutasmuchinterference.Itsalso important if you just want to take them out of the picture in general. Get them spiraling down into loneliness, alienation and despondencythat should do the trick, so they think. Its a very successful tactic, and seems to work on mostbut its never foolproof.Especiallyifthepeopleinvolvedhaveawarenessabout thesesortsofthings.Awarenessiseverything.
There is no God/severing spiritual connections
Weve all heard of people whove been programmed into becoming religious fanatics, aka bible thumpers, and the even more extreme example of brainwashed religious cults, but what about the flip side of this? Cutting a target off from spirituality? Ive seen this mentioned here and there in my research, with regardstogettingatargettobelievethateitherGodhatesthem,or that there simply is no God. If a target believes that God hates them, or if you can get the target angry at God, then according to mindcontrolauthorFritzSpringmeier,Youcangetthatpersonto commit any sin. And if a target believes there is no God, or anything spiritual for that matter, then theres no greater spiritual
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hope for them to cling to, nothing to get them through trying timesnothing to fuel selfempowerment when theyre being worked over bytheirhandlersand programming. All of which is mucho bueno when trying to isolate and destroy a target, or program them to commit criminal acts in the vein of agent provocateur work, assassinations, terrorist activity, and so on. Spirituality often equals hope and empowerment. It can be a lifeline,andaweaponagainstthenegsforanytargetwhowould trytofightbackandresistwhatshappeningtothem.Theydo notwantthat. IfoundthisparticularaspectofMILABStobeinteresting,only becauseIbelievethatIexperiencedavariationonthis,whichcant be dismissed. My aforementioned ex with the mind compartmentalizationandtheNSAdad,wasalsoadiehardAtheist andskepticwhoseemedbentongettingmetoconverttoAtheism, tothepointwhereitbecameapparentattheendoftherelationship that it had been a mission of sorts for him. Steves philosophy, which he statedand stated oftenwas that There is no soul, werealljustpiecesofmeat,whenwedieitslightsout,thats it, there is no God, there is no afterlife, were all just pieces of meat,whenwedieitslightsout,thatsit,thereisnoYou gettheidea. WhatStevehad was ascript. Aglossy eyed, trancelike script that he would endlessly repeat during the three years we were together,andtheyearandahalfasroommatesbeforethat,inorder toconvertmetobeingAtheist,andthenreinforcethemindset.He wasalsoadiehardskeptic,andrefusedtobelieveinanythingtodo withpsychicabilities,theparanormal,andsoon,andmadesureto workonmetotrytogetmetostopbelievinginthatstuffaswell. Thetotalironywas,hehadpastexperienceswiththeparanormal, and could even read minds, but refused to admit what he was doing. ;) He turned his back and adamantly refused to acknowledgeanyofit,tothepointofextreme,illogicalabsurdity. Allofthisbecameapparenttomebytheendoftherelationship, after Id already began to notice the multiple personas issue. I was standing before him in the hallway one night, hearing THE SCRIPT for the millionth time in almost five years, and I noticed
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forthefirsttimehiscompletelyglazedovereyesthatwerenteven seeing me as he spoke. And his robotic, trancelike state that seemed to be rehashing something that he had memorized. I had theclearanddistinctthought of Hes trying so hard to convince methatthereisnoGodandnosoul..thenitmustmeanthere is.Hescompletelyfullofshit. And I silently walked around him and away, and left him standingthereinthehall,literally,talkingtothewall.Afterwed officially broken up, the only thing he could come up with to complain about, his one big peeve, was And you were never really an Atheist. That was it. His face twisted with disdain when he said that, surprising me, due to his usual emotional neutrality about all things. He seemed to feel genuine disgust for thissupposedandapparentlyonlyindiscretionofmine! It was all very puzzling for me at the time, like.huh? I of course did not know about MILABs, mind control, nor my own statusasanabducteeatthattime,butinretrospectitseemsthathe could very well have been taken and programmed by something else and used to work me over. And considering his familys background and his multiple personas issues and whats apparently happened to me it makes him all the more suspect for such doings. So cutting targets off from spirituality seems to be a very real facet of it all, because spirituality, along with a connection to higher positive forces and having the spiritual biggerpictureisourultimateweapon.(AndlestIsoundlikeIm coming across as a victim I definitely take full responsibility for any people whove been in my life and the choices Ive made in keeping them around long after theyd hit their expiration date! Programming or not, we still have free will and the ability to pull ourselvesoutofasituation.So,justtoclarifythatIdontpresent these personalized examples in order to paint myself as a sympatheticvictim.Therearenovictimsinthisworld.)
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Handlers and Influencers

Handlers is the big, dramatic and obvious aspect of mind control. Handlers as I think of it are the people who are actually instilling the programming and trigger codes within a person, and/or anybody who is consciously aware that they are manipulatingamindcontroltarget.WhatslessobviousiswhatI call the influencers the people who are inserted around the target to influence their choices and help the distraction, and possibly even the derailment process along, but without necessarily knowing they are being used as such. They go by other names according to whos talking about them puppets, robots, pod people, drones, and so on. An influencer can be a person who isnt operating under full consciousness, for whatever reason whether they are programmed/mind controlled, lack something soulwise, or just have an overall lower level of self awarenessallofwhichmakesthemeasytargetstobetakenover andusedasavectorofattackormanipulation.Whichmeansany oneofuscouldbeusedinsuchawayifwerenotcarefultobefully conscious,andmonitorourthoughts,speechandaction. If youre an abductee then its not such a bad idea to take inventory in yourlife and see ifthere is anybodyaroundyouthat wouldfiteitherthedescriptionofahandlerorinfluencer.Aliens andentitiesseemtouseinfluencers,beingthattheyareoutsideof 3rddensityandtime,andsohaveaneasiergoatworkingthrough people,playingrealityandeverybodyinitlikeagiantchessgame. InthecaseofMILABS,itprobablyinvolvestheuseofbothhandlers and influencers. The handlers would of course be the military/government programmers, and the influencers would most likely be another one of their unwitting mind controlled targetsplacedintocloseproximityaroundthetarget.Inmyown life I had my brother acting as a (MILAB) influencer, trying to steermedownaverynegativepathandderailmeinlife.Hewasa mind controlled abductee, with some heavy programming, and I obliviouslywalkedintothelionsdenwhenImoveduptoPortland Oregonandroommatedwithhim.
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The most important thing to remember in regards to an influencerandthenegsingeneralisthatintheend,alltheycando is(try)toinfluenceyou.Theycantmakechoicesforyou,norcan they force you to do anything. You have the final say. But they may use every trick up their sleeve to try to steer you in their direction Focusing laser beam attention on one option while purposely taking your attention away from other options; highlightingthepositiveaspectsofanultimatelynegativechoice, while playing up the negative aspects of a very positive choice; workingyoubysubtly(ormaybeovertly)reinforcinganegative mindsetorattitudeuntilyoueventuallypickitupasyourownand spiraldownwardsintoanegative,destructivefrequency,andsoon. TheseareallthingsthatIvecomeupagainst,soIknow.Sojustbe conscious, alert and aware. And just see it for what it is. Its anotherpartofthegame,tryingtoaffectitsinfluence.Icantotally understandit,tobehonest,soitdoesntpissmeofforfrustrateme. They need to survive too and gather up new recruits. ;) I understandthat.Imjusthappythatwehavethefreewillchoiceto makeupourownmindsaboutwhichdirectionweregoingtogo. What good is freewill after all if youre not going to put it to useright? In the end, its always our choice where we go and what we do. Again, thats why knowledge and awareness are a must.
Discovering Abduction Schedules

If youre dealing with military abductions, or the joint alien/militaryaffair,thentherewillmostlikelybeapatterntowhen youre being taken. And it seems that they will operate on that schedule for as long as they can, until you discover it and begin throwingawrenchintheworks. Becausesomanythingshadbegunhappeningtomeby2002I started keeping a log book to document my stuff, as well as diligentlyphotographingthemysteriousnickelshapedrounddark purple bruises that were periodically appearing on my legs. I
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hadnt figured anything out yet, and it was a bit frustrating, but I plugged away with it all nonetheless in hopes that someday, answerswouldcome. Then one day in April of 2003, I figured something out. In flippingthroughvariousphotosofthenickelsizedbruises,Ireally noticedforthefirsttimethedatesonthebackofeachphoto.Allof thephotosweretakeneitherbetweenthe1stand3rdofeachmonth, orthe20th23rd.!!IcouldntbelieveIhadntnoticedthisbefore. Amazing.Thiswasntrandomchaos!Thisiswhyitsimperativeto log and document your stuff. Over time, with enough materials gathered, you will discover the patterns and meanings. But you havetobe patient enough towaitforthe materials toaccumulate. Itwonthappenovernight. ThisrealizationwassorevelatorythatIhadtopauseandtakea moment to regroup. I closed my eyes and addressed my higher self. I started talking to it, saying, Okay Higher Self, me in the future, it looks like I found a pattern to the abductions. Tell me whatImsupp. Itsabouttime!cametheresponse,interrupting. Not in a sarcastic way, but rather in an urgent dont stop now! sort of way. The voice was like my own, so, it was differentiated from the outside microwave voice beaming technology mentioned in Part II where the voices were male, and clearlynotconnectedtome.Thethoughtbehindwhatthehigher self voice was conveying was Keep going! Keep moving, dont slack. You found the pattern, so dont stop now... I started LAUGHINGthough,shakingmyheadaboutitall.Itwasjusttoo funnyhowitcutmeofflikethat,allurgent. There are a few possible reasons for why they might utilize a regularschedule:
Possibly theyre taking so many people that it has to be an organized affair. The military/black ops agencies would want thingstobeasorganizedandefficientaspossible.
May coincide with the targets personal biological cycles; Certain times of the month may be more opportune for snagging somebody based on the purposes theyre being taken for. On a
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lesser note, possibly moon cycles, womens monthly cycles, etc. andsoon.Somethingtodowithsomesortofcycle.
Maybe theres some unknown variable, something pertaining to whateversgoingonintheirrealm,thatmakesitsothattheycan onlytakepeopleatcertaintimes.
Throwingawrenchintheworkswasjustmentionedamoment ago.Whatdoesthatentail? Itmeansexactlythatfoilingtheir efforts to take you. What I came to discover was that my mysterious bruise markings were appearingonaregularschedule,andthatduringthosetimesofthe month I had an increase in number sightings and ear ringings, indicating that something was amiss. There was hyperdimensional forewarning, you could say. And I began thinkingofthatasmyheadsup,andusedittomyadvantage.On those nights when it seemed stuff might happenmy boyfriend and I stayed up all night. I would go to work on minimal to no sleep, and wed down the Frapuccinos and Red Bulls to keep us awake.OrwedtakestufftoreadandgohangoutatDennysfor severalhoursinthe middle ofthenight, eatingfoodanddrinking coffee and reading good books, during the prime time that theyd be(trying)totakeme/us.Or,IdjuststayupaslongasIcould,and thenconkoutforthelasttwohoursbeforemyalarmwassettogo off while my boyfriend kept watch. Hes nocturnal anyway, so it was normal for him to be upduring thenightand to goto bed at around 6 a.m. or so, which certainly helped. Some people will claim that staying up will do nothing to thwart them. I disagree. Especiallyifyouleaveyourhomeandgoelsewhere,andevenmore sowhenyougotoapublicplace. Ididntmindanyofitthough,allthedodgingandoutrunning abductions, losing sleep and all that, mostly because we lived in South Florida, and the year round summer weather and close proximitytothebeachmeanteverythinghadafunvibetoit.Itwas perpetualsummervacation.Myjobrequirednobrainpower,soit wascoolifIwentinonnosleepIdidntneeditanywayandlife in general just didnt have that oppressive feel that you find elsewhere in the country. Its hard to get depressed and feel
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dragged down when you have an easy job, theres no winter, and outside your front door theres palm fronds rustling in the breeze andyoucanliterally,besippingaPinaColadaonthebeachoffthe A1Athenextday.Translation=whenyoulivewhereotherscome tovacation.Soeverythingwasalreadylightheartedandfeltlikea game,andthiswasjustonemoreaspectofthegame.Havingthat outlook really helped matters too, in retrospect. Its ALL about yourpersonalfrequency,asIoutlinedinthesectionregardingFear. Andwhenyourenotafraid,andarejustfacingthesituationhead on,justdoingwhatyougottado,andmaybeevengettingaslight kickoutofit;)havingfun,itturnsthetablesontheoutcome. OnceIbeganthrowingawrenchintheworksenoughtimesand made it difficult for them to adhere to any sort of set schedule, thenIhadtheexperience,asmentionedinPartII,whereIwokeup tohearamansvoicepullingmeoutwhatfeltlikeadeep,trance likestate,saying14141asifitweresometriggercode.Itfelt likeIhadbeenlookingatsomethingforhimbeforehepulledme outofit.(Remoteviewing?)Butthenanotherfemalevoicecutin ontheline(higherself?)toinformmeinanurgent,FYIsounding waythatTheynowhavetheabilitytouseyouwithoutactually takingyou.Viatheimplants,mostlikely. But hearing that definitely threw a wrench in MY works. It seems that with MILABS, their preferred method is to take somebodyphysically,butiftheyhavetothensure,theyllresortto PlanB,andusethemremotely.Possiblyitsnotaseffective,but,it getsthejobdone.Whateverthejobis,Idontknow.Tothisday Istillhavenoideawhatsgoingonandhowitallworks.Icanonly theorize.Buttalkaboutmakingmefeelhopeless.Whatsthepoint of outrunning them if theyre just going to plug into me while I sleep?SoIgaveup.Atthattime,IjustdidntknowhowIcould possibly side step somebody plugging into me while I sleep, seamlessly merging with me so I dont even know it and just performforthemlikeagoodlittlemonkey.Ifthatswhatsindeed happening.SoforaboutayearandahalfItookthebluepill,and slippedbackbelowthewaves.Itjustgotsotiresomealwaysbeing ontherunfromsomethingwhenIdidntevenknowwhoorwhatI
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wasrunningfrom,orwhatwasactuallygoingon.Andtoadegree, thatsstillmyattitude. Nowhowever,atthispointIthinktherearewaysyoucanside step it. But it requires much more work then just staying up all nightanddrinkingRedBulls.Astheirtacticsareampedup,when theystartresortingtotheirPlanBsandPlanCs,thentheeffortwe have to put in as a counter defense will also go up. One major countertactic would involve lucid dreaming skills. When you become adept at being conscious while sleeping, then its possible youllbemoresensitivetoanyattemptsatintrusionthatmayoccur. Which ultimately means, we can fight back. It isnt entirely hopeless. Figureoutyourabductionschedule,ifthereisone.Dodgethe physicalabductionsifyoucan.Andintheeventthattheypluginto you via your implants, gain the upper hand by practicing lucid dreaming and taking control of your sleep state. There has to be waystoprogramyourownmindtoalertyourselfintheeventthat something is trying to plug into you while you sleep. Connect to your higher powers for any additional feedback and insight and help you can glean about it all. And always keep your frequency up.Dontgetdespondentaboutitall,itsnotworthit.Thinkofit asagame,andjusthavefunwithit.
Sabotaging Programming Commands

In Part II I mentioned several instances of waking up and catching them in the middle of programming me while I slept. You will only see whats wrong and ugly in the world!! and so on. Imagine if I hadnt woken up and caught them in mid sentencethenwhat??Evenwiththeawarenessofthiscommand, I still found myself slipping into that mindset during the time periodwhenthisoccurred.ItwasaslumpIhadtopullmyselfout of. Think of how many people may be receiving these types of commands while they sleep and dont catch them, or, during abductions and dont remember them. How many others have I
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received that I didnt catch? How many are planted within my subconsciousasItypethis?Forthatreason,ifyoureanabductee you have to take extra measures to really monitor yourself in life. Everyday,andthroughouteachday,payattentiontoyourmoods, thoughts, urges, feelings, and overall emotional state in general, and note any changes and subtle shifts as they occur, and try to pinpointwhatmayhavebroughtaboutthechangeinattitude.And ifyoucantpinpointthesource,anditseemstohavedescendedon you out of nowhere, then it could very well be a programming command kicking in, (or just an all around hyperdimensional/ psychic attack, a related concept mentioned earlier in this book). You never know. My boyfriend and I have gotten good at practicing thisselfmonitoring andanalysis aform of stalking, as its termed by the Toltecs that its second nature for us now, although I still definitely slip up, falling victim to negative mood shiftsandplayingrightintoit.ButIvedefinitelygottenbetter.It makesmewonderthoughhowIgotbyinlifewithoutmonitoring myself.Scarytothinkabout.Butitswhymostofwhathappened to me in my 20s even happened lack of awareness, not paying attention,notnoticingthings,notanalyzingandquestioningallmy thoughts,urgesandactions. Itbecomesabattleofretainingyoursentienceandfreewill.Its easytoslipandgetlazyandtoallowlifetodragyouaroundbythe nose,soyoudonthavetothink.Thezooisdesignedtosuckour energy at every turn, which in turn contributes to getting lazy if werenotawareanddonttakeprecautions.Thislossofenergyis ourweakpoint,thewaythattheycangetinandchipawayatour lives. So if youre an abductee, you have to find the energy to be abletostalkyourselfandpayattention,andtakebackcontrolover yourownlife.Itbecomesamatterofthinkingbeforedoing,every day,witheverything.Isthatthoughtreallyyourown?Isthaturge youhavereallytheoptimalthingtobedoingrightnow?Youfind yourselfgettingallflaredupinsideatalovedoneforthestupidest reason,readytoblowandpickahugefightbutisitlogical?Does it make any sense? Are you able to pause, breathe, detach, and foreseewhatthenegativeconsequenceswouldbefromdoingthis? If so can you now resist acting on these urges (which most likely
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arentevenyourown)andgodownadifferentpathonebasedon sentienceandfreewill? Another angle to this is having a strong sense of self. Too many people in this world are lost, and lack the ability for self generatedesteem.Theylooktootherstomakethemwhole,andto givethemanidentityandpurpose.Butifyouhaveastrongsense of self, then you dont need to look to others for your esteem and identity, you will have an automatic innate sense of WHO YOU ARE.Andnobodywillbeabletotakethatawayfromyouwhich can also cause abduction programming to run afoul. If youre instilled with a negative, icky programming command that goes againstthecorefoundationofwhoyouareyoullbemorelikely toresistitifyouhavethatstrongsenseofself.Theegotendstoget abadrapinspiritualpractices,butitservesavaluablepurposein this case. So a strong point for staving things off in your life is Know yourself. Actually, in truth, we can probably never truly knowourselvesbeingthattheegoisatackedonfabrication,we have spiritual amnesia, and some people have compartmentalized multiplesdoingtotallydifferentthings.Butwecanatleasthavea strongmind.Wecanthink.Strongintuitioncoupledwithasharp mind that has analytical capabilities, pays attention and asks questionsisadeadlycombination.Intuitiongivesyouaheadsup advantage for seeing whos who and whats what beyond the borders of physical reality, while a strong mind means youll questionthings,wontgetplayedforgullibleandtakenforaridein life. When I was first roommating in California with my brother, a mindcontrolledabductee,oneofthethingshescornedmeforwas this very ability to think and pick things apart and critically analyze. Atthe timehescornedmefor this I was unawareof my ownabducteestatusandsoIwassurprisedatthelevelofcontempt formethatdrovehiswords,like,WowwhatsTHATallabout?!I pickthingsapartandscrutinizeeverythingtoomuch??Whatsitto him,youknow? Well, it wasnt about him. It was about who was abducting both of us, and how they wanted to use him to help modify my personalityandsteermeinadifferentdirectioninlife.Lateronin
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PortlandIwastoldrepeatedlybymybrotherthatIneededtostop thinking about things so much because see, the way the grid program of reality works is that when you think about things too strongly,itdoes_____blahblahblah,(stuffthatImnotevengoing to bother getting into here because its silly and not worth it. But insertabigeyerollingrightnow) Thinkingisnotgoodforthemwhichmeansitsamustforus. They NEED people who dont think, and are drifting along in a dreamstate,ondopeyautopilot.Icannotemphasizethisenough. Please reread that bolded sentence if you have to. This is the reason for why television and entertainment has become such a dominantforceinoursociety,andwhyprogramsandcommercials havegottensohypnoticandnonsensical.Itsamassattempttolull thepopulationintoadreamliketrancestupor.Soforuswemust then adopt the countertactic of awareness and personal stalking. Thinking, questioning, analyzing. You may never be able to stop theabductions, andyoumay neverbe able to fix or undothe mindcontrolprogramming.Butwhatyoucandoisbeassentient as you can be at all times. Make sure youre not just reacting to programming and manipulative urges that are not in your best interest. With every sabotaging programming command that you override through selfawareness, the closer you get to personal freedom. Or, as the fortune cookie said that my boyfriend coincidentally;)receivedrecently:
Youcontrolyourresponse, andthereinliesyourfreedom.
Urges to move to certain locations
Related to this is how many people who are involved in the weirdandthestrangewillhaveurgestoupandmovetovarious locations. Pay attention to the locations that people mention so oftenitsthesouthwest.NewMexico,Arizona,ColoradoandUtah. I myself had the persistent urge to move to the southwest for
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several years back in the 90s, after visiting there on several road trips.OtherplacesIlaterhadtheoverwhelmingurgetorelocateto was North Carolina specifically, Asheville, or the surrounding region,andalsonorthernCalifornia. While some urges to relocate may be in your best interest and coming from your higher good, the fact is, if youre an abductee then you still have to question everything. It turns out that the places Ive had urges to move to were areas that were known for their underground base/UFO activity. Asheville, North Carolina supposedlyhasanundergroundbase,strongenergyvorticesand UFO activity galore, as well as a verifiable satanic occult issue happeningalthoughIneverknewthatbackwhenIfirsthadthe intenseurgetomovethere.GladIdidtheresearchbeforeIjustup andmoved.AndnorthernCaliforniaisahotbedofweirdness,with Mt.Shasta,BohemianGrove,militaryinstallations,andalltherest. And most reading this are probably well aware of the situation in thesouthwestwithallitsbases,bothaboveandbelowground,huge militarypresence,countlessUFOsightings,energyvortices,andall aroundweirdnessthatdrawsintheNewAgerslikeamagnet. A related concept is getting the urge to take a sudden trip to some place out of nowhere, for no logical reason. Ive also experiencedthis,asoutlinedinPartII,withregardstomyspurof themomentroadtriptoFlagstaff/Sedona,Arizona,fromCalifornia. If you keep tabs on yourself then this shouldnt be an issue. It becomesanissuewhenagain,youlackawareness,anddontstalk yourself.Ifyoureanabductee,andyouhaveanurgetojustdrive offtosomefarawayplacealoneandyoucanttrackdownwhere thisurgemayhavecomefrom,thenmaybeitsbesttoholdoffon going.Itmaynotbeinyourbestinterest.
The Hyperdimensional and Paranormal Phenomenon

An important characteristic of someone who is an abductee is thestrangehyperdimensionalmarkers,orfingerprints,thatbecome
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a part of their life: Ear tones/ringings, synchronicities, deja vus, number sightings, and so on. Ear tones/ringings usually tie in to implants and monitoring, deja vus seem to tie in to timeline manipulation, (which I dont get into here, but I do cover on my website) and synchronicities and number sightings can either be a message conveyed to you from something higher, or can also signify timelines being changed around. Very few sources make mentionofanyofthesethings,yet,whenyoustarthangingaround ontheinternetyouseethesethingsmentionedrepeatedly.Iwrite in depth on my website about it all, but heres the overview for thosewhohaventreadit,withsomenewinformationnotincluded onthewebsiteversion:

Number Sightings
Thisisprobablythemostcommonoccurrence inanabductees life, next to ear tones/ringings. When you notice that certain numberskeepappearingtoyouontheclock,oronphysicalitems thatcomeyourwayin life,then it usually means something. The more farfetched and unusual the occurrence, then the more meaningful it probably is. Ive documented my own number sightings in depth in order to get to the bottom of what the numbers meant for me, as noted on my site, and I highly recommend that others do that if they have this happening. Its extremely useful. The only way to get to the bottom of what a number sequence means for you is by logging the instances of whenithappens.http://www.in2worlds.net/numbersightings InmyownlogbookIwoulddocumentthedateandtimeofmy numbersightingsoften,thetimeinitselfISthenumbersighting, sinceIdhaveurgestokeeplookingattheclockatkeymoments as well as noting anything that I was doing at the time of the number occurrence. Where was I, what was I doing, who was I talkingtoandwhatabout,(ifapplicable)andsoon.Thenafteryou documentenoughnumbersightingincidents,alongwithanyother surrounding corresponding phenomenon, you can begin to decipherwhateverythingmeans.Itsalsohighlyrecommendedto learn the basics of numerology and what the common
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symbolic/esoteric meanings are behind numbers. What Ive discovered is that most things have multiple layers. There is probablyareasonwhythosespecificnumberswerepickedforyou inthefirstplace,andthatswherehavingabasicunderstandingof thelanguageofnumberscomesinhandy,todecipherthenextlayer ofitall. Sometimes repeatedly getting a number sequence can be a warningofnegativemeddling,interferenceabductionscomingup very soon. Other times it may be a sign that something has been tinkeredwithonthetimeline,goodorbad.Forme,Ijustknowthat whenImdoingexceptionallygoodinlifeand/oravertingnegative interference,Illget11:33,9:48,10:10,11:11and soon. (9:48 being specific for me, the time that I was born.) But overall there is no acrosstheboard explanation that I can offer up for what number sightings mean numbers will usually be tailored to an individual,fromwhatIvebeenlearning. Howeverand there is always the exception to everythingI justdiscoveredwhilereadingabookaboutUFOresearcherBarbara Bartholic that we both have had instances of receiving the same particularnumbers69.Iexperiencedmy6and9sightingsmostly during a very specific time period in my life during the four months when I worked for what I nicknamed The Illuminati Hotel here in Virginia. And as Barbara knew, and as I myself discovered thanks to her work, the 69s can be a sign of alien/MILABSatwork.IfitwasntforherbookIwouldneverhave gotten the answer to this random piece of the puzzle that was sittingonthebackburnerallthistime.Shewasthefirstsourcethat Ive come across to even delve into the number sightings phenomenon in relation to abductions, and she relays in her book all the synchronistic, uncanny ways in which69s appeared to her in life. I was very excited to find this talked about in her book. Finally, somebody else noticing this and having the same experiences! Getting the 69s stopped only when I quit the hotel after four months. Andonlywhen doingthiswriteup, reading the Barbara B.bookandlookingbackatmytimespentattheIlluminatihotel didthephenomenonresume.Coincidentally.;)Forinstance,when
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Iworkedatthehotel,Iwasassignedlocked#69,andmyfourdigit code for logging into the computer and clocking in and out was 6169.Well,inthemiddleofwritingthisbook,myboyfriendandI weredrivingrightpasttheIlluminatihotelandInoticedthatthe last four digits on the license plate of the car in front of us was..6169.Theoddsonthisareastronomical.Ithappened as I was approaching the intersection where this hotel is located, abouttomakearighthandturntodrivepastthemainentrance.I also began receiving 6:09 and 6:19 again on the clocks during this write up, corresponding with some very bizarre alien dreams withMILABSprogramming,andpossiblesoulabductionattempts wherethingswerekickedupafewnotchesandbecamemuchmore overt. The summary of what I got (via pendulum dowsing) is that somethingwasdoingsomeverywackythingstothepeoplewho workedatthathotel,unbeknownsttothem.Andthatsomething aintfullyhuman.ItdoessoundprettynuttybutIhavemyown experiencesthatshowedmesomethingwasamiss,whichIdecided nottogetintohereforspaceconstraints.AndIdidprimarilybegin receivingtheMILAB69safterworkingthere,exactlyasBarbara B. describes. (I only had one 69 indicator before that, back in Florida in 2002, as noted in Part II.) So when I saw Barbara B. mentioning her 6s and 9s, and saw that she connected it to MILABS/aliens abductions, I about fell out of my chair. This is exactlywhyIfeelthatthebestwaytofigureoutwhatshappening isbysharingourstories,anditswhyIvefoundpersonalaccounts to be the most helpful, versus detached, professional articles. Its the strange little random details like that which make the difference!
Ear tones/ringing
From my website: Ear ringings are instances of short lived ringingortoneswhichcanoccurineitherearnottobeconfused with tinnitus, the chronic condition of damaged eardrums where ones ear(s) constantly ring or hum, (as I understand it). For the closestexampleofwhatanearringingmightsoundlike,thinkback
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to the hearing tests you had in grade school. Through the earphones, you heard assorted high or low pitched tones, and had to indicate which ear you heard them in. That would be comparabletoanearringing.Butwhilegradeschoolhearingtest tones last about a second, an ear ringing can go on for 5, 10, 15 seconds or more, and can even leave residual after affects. Its a tonethatfadesin,goesonforabit,thenfadesbackout. Ear ringings are often times preluded by a pronounced muting,wherethesoundintheroomseemstoabruptlyshutout, andthetonefadesin.Thesoundisntactuallyshutoutliterally,but itfeelslikeitus;itsalmostasifanoverlayorveilhasbeenplaced overyou.Strangefeeling.Andasmentioned,theycanleaveafter effects. For me, Ive experienced a burning fried feeling in my ears on several occasions when theyve occurred, much like Id beenchattingonacellphoneforseveralhours.Sometimesthetone itselfisuncomfortabletoexperience,inducingcringing.Relatedto this, Ive experienced something akin to a tuning fork, where I feltlikeIwasliterallybeinggonged,whichmademyheaddizzy anddisorientedmeforafewseconds. Ear tones for an abductee often indicate monitoring of some sort,usuallybyimplants.Soaswithnumbersightings,loggingear tonesisamustifyouretryingtodecipherthemeaningofrightear versus left ear, as well as getting a heads up on any possible abductions.Ifyouregoingtostartalog,thenitssuggestedtonote the date, time, which ear it happened, how faint or strong it was, approximately how long it lasted, and any physical affects that went with it. Also note what you were doing, who you were talkingto,andwhatyoumayhavebeenthinkingabout.Overtime, withenoughdetailedincidentslogged,youshouldbeabletoget tothebottomofwhatitallmeansforyou.Forfurtherdetailsinto theearringing/tonephenomenon,andwhatIdiscoveredaboutmy owntones,pleasereadtherestofthewriteuponmysite: http://www.in2worlds.net/eartonesringings

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Real vs. artificial synchronicities
Frommywebsite:ifyouaresomeonewhoexperiencesear ringings,dejavus,orfrequentnumbersightings,orifyouconsider yourself to be an abductee with a lifelong history of the weird stuff happening, then its safe to assume that synchronicity is anotherphenomenonoccurringinyourlife. Synchronicities are meaningful coincidences. We all experiences coincidences in our lives, and many of them probably occur by statistical chance. But every so often there are those that are just so pointed and tailored to a particular detail and to something about you, specifically, that you cant dismiss it. When that happens, statistical probability doesnt matter. Throw it out thewindow.Theonlythingthatmattersatthatpointiswhetherit hasmeaningforyou.Forexample,readingawordrightasitssaid out loud next to you the more unusual the word, the more it means something; Objects coming your way or crossing your path/field of view that coincide with an idea or theme you have beenthinkingabout,ormatchinguptosomethingthathaspersonal meaningforyou,andsoon. Synchs are often time multilayered. Meaning, they happen several at a time, all connecting together in a cluster that can sometimesevenconnecttootherstrangehappeningsaroundyou.I have a term for it all, which I call lining up. When you experienceseveralsynchsclusteredtogetherwithinadayorafew days time, then it really can feel like reality is aligning in some
way.http://www.in2worlds.net/synchronicities
Synchronicitiescanhappenforvariousreasons.Severalof my personaltheoriesincludetimelinealteration,movingup/shiftingup to something higher, messages being conveyed from our higher selves,andsoon. Foranabducteehowever,synchronicitiescanalsobeartificially generated courtesy of their human/alien abductors, and usually done for the purpose of influencing/reinforcing the path the abduction target is taking. For this reason, it becomes necessary for abductees to learn how to differentiate between a natural
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synch, and one that is being artificially generated for manipulativepurposes. Ive experienced both types in life, and several of my own artificially generated synchs were documented in Part II, which perfectly illustrates this concept. The pen from nowhere, the Josephlicenseplateframewiththetrailerhitch,andthentherewas another one not mentioned in this write up which had to do with moving to New Mexico. Shortly after arriving in Florida I was already thinking ahead about the possibility of moving to the southwest specifically, New Mexico. I was driving my car one afternoon near the intersection of Sunrise Boulevard and Federal Highway pondering this, and I looked over and saw thatthe nextcaroverfrommehadaNewMexicolicenseplate.!Wow!I thought.Synchronicity!!Possiblypositivelyreinforcingtheideaof movingthere!Then thenextdayIwastellingTom about this as wedrovealongthesame stretchof Sunrise and Federal Highway, only,goingtheotherdirectionandIlookedovertofindtheexact same car, right next to us. Again. The odds of this are astronomical. Now it just struck me as being creepy, and very suspicious. In order to decipher whats what, it helps to understand how positive forces operate versus negative ones. And this is a topic that is a bit bigger than the scope of this write up, but Ill try to summarize the basics of what Ive learned and discovered. This generallistcanapplytoanysituationthoughwhenoneistryingto figureoutwhoisbehindsomething,notjustsynchronicities.This justhappenedtobeagoodpointinthewriteuptomentionit:
Positive forces have more power than negative forces in your life,becausetheyreworkingindirectconjunctionwithyourown higher good. Which means they can directly intervene when a negativenonointerferencehasoccurredorisabouttooccurin your life. They can do this by directly telling you not to do something,sendingsomebodyintoyourlifewhodirectlytellsyou nottodosomething,orbyflatourreversingadisastrousmishap. In those reversal instances its usually quick, direct, to the point, and then theyre goneagain, slipping out the side door. Halfthe time you may not even realize that anything has happened. But
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unless its an absolute dire situation that has to be reversed according to your own higher good, then usually they dont intervene.Theyrespectyourfreewillandallowyoutomakeyour own choiceseven if it means youre going to fall on your face. Learninglessons.
Negative forces on the other hand, seem only to be able to manipulatetheeventsaroundyouwhichcandefinitelymanifest as some pretty farfetched, over the top synchs or interference whilesimultaneouslytryingtoinfluenceyoutomakebadchoices. Buttheydontseemtobeallowedtodirectlytellyouwhattodo, ordirectlyinterveneandforceyoutodosomethingortogodown acertainpath.Youhavethefinalsayinwhatyoudoordontdo. The ultimate reason behind their inability to directly manipulate you seems to tie into freewill. Unlike the positives, theyre not actinginconjunctionwithyourownhighergood.
Positive stuff dont use glaring, flashy theatrics designed to Wow! you thats what the negs sometimes do when theyre tryingtomanipulateyou.
Positive stuff doesnt use tactics that appeal to the ego, or that whichadvocatesfear,paranoia,division,anger,etc.Butyoubetter believethatthenegswillappealtoego,aswellasfeedingyoulines aboutwhatevertheyfeeltheycangetawaywith. Negative elements are quite fond of taking credit for things they hadnothingtodowith,especiallyifitcanbeusedtomanipulate theirtarget.
Another thing worth noting about the nature of artificially generatedsynchsgearedtowardinfluencingabducteesisthatoften times,theyutilizepeople.Icanonlytheorizewhythiswouldbe, but Im thinking its because people are easy for stuff to work through and manipulate, and they can pose as regular people whowouldjustsohappentocrossyourpath,tellingyoupointed, synchronisticthings.Peoplearealsoamoreeffectivetoolbecause theycandirectlyvocalizesomethingtous;weremoreapttositup and take notice of other people telling us weird, synchronistic thingsplainandsimple.Humanpsychology.
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Try to utilize your intuition and feel out a synchronicity. Artificially generated synchs, for me, have usually felt weird, and even a bit creepy. Theyre just too perfect in their timing and execution,toomanipulative,andtooinyourface.Theytrytoo hard.Ifyoureanabductee,thenyouhavetobealertandonguard withtheeventsthathappentoyouinyourlife.Notinaparanoid, fearfulway,butinamatteroffact,awareway.Donttakethings at face value, and dont assume that synchronicities are always reinforcingthatyoureontherightpath,orthatadecision/ideaisin your best interest. Stuff can easily orchestrate events to try to reinforce something that may be detrimental, so always pause to question,feelthingsoutandanalyze.

The paranormal
Asecondarycharacteristicthatusuallyemergesinthelifeofan abducteeisparanormalactivity. WhilelivinginFloridain20022003,myapartmentbecamea portal you could say. It was similar to what I wrote about in my write up The Vortex, which appears on my website. The VortexwastheapartmentIlivedinwithmybrotherforayearin SoCalandthatwascompletelyinundatedwithparanormalactivity. The activity happening in California was a mix of various things, whereasFloridaseemedtodirectlycorrelatetoabductions,andhad anegativealienelement/feeltoitall. The front main window in Florida had something going on withit,andmycatwasattackedinitonenight, andalmost again on two more occasions. And as I relayed in Part II, I had my dream where a (UFO?) craft emanating bluewhite light descendedoutsidethatparticularwindowandblewitin.Also,the corner next to the front door was a hot spot, causing my cat to jumpupashighasshecouldtowardsit,repeatedlyboinginglike a springboard, trying to propel herself up into itexactly as she used to do with the portal above my doorway in California. Shedjumpup,thenclawintothewalltotrytopullherwayupto it,onlytoslidebackdown,nailsscreechingagainstthewall.Entity harassers came around a few times, one of them we nicknamed
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Ralph the rustling plastic bag (youve got to have a sense of humor about it all, remember!) because he was an all blackthing.that would paralyze me into my bed then vigorously shake himself around in my face, making a strange crinklingrustlingnoisethatremindedmeofaplasticbag,tryingto terrifymeandfeedonthefear. Therewerethetimeswhenstuffwouldtrytopullmeoutof my body, also documented in Part II. Another instance where an allblackentityenteredthroughthekitchenarea,blewthroughthe livingroomandthendisappearedintothefrontwall/windowhot spotarea.Andstillothertimeswhenstuffwouldcomearound in general, which I would pick up on psychically. There was the occasional weird flashing phenomenon, where the lighting or the roomandsurroundingsingeneralwouldseemtobeflashingvery rapidly.BothTomandIwitnessedthatonseveraloccasions,soit wasntjustoneofusimaginingit.Andonandonandon. During2002andinto2003theapartmenthadayuckyfeeltoit. ItdidntstartoutthatwaywhenImovedin,butitbecamethatway over time as harassment activity and abductions progressively got worseandworse.Igleanedmybitofveryimportantinsightthough intotheFearFrequencyinAprilof2003,ayearaftermovingin, andthatchangedeverything.Myfearstopped,theharassmentand paranormal craziness trickled off asa result, and by the time Tom came back to Florida in May of 2003, after supporting his family through some personal issues back home in Iowa, it was like a whole new apartment. I didnt have to do a cleaning on it the way I did to my room in SoCal, described in The Vortex, but it feltsomuchcleaner.Verycalm.Positive.WhenTomcamebackit waslikeafreshstart,becauseallthestuffthathadpreviouslybeen happening before he left was gone. He also had a whole new mindset, and between the two of us, and our new mindsets and awarenessandunderstanding,theapartmentremained(relatively) clean. Stuff occasionally did still happenbut it was nothing like before.Itwasdoable,anditdidnttaintthefeeloftheplace. Paranormal side effects occur in the lives of abductees for several reasons. For starters, the very nature of nonhuman abductorscreatesparanormalactivity,simplybecauseofwhothey
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are.Wherevertheygo,theparanormalphenomenonasweviewit and label it, follows. Also, when you have stuff coming and going from your living space, whether it be alien or human, and theyresnaggingyouonaregularbasisandkeepinganeyeonyou in general, then that seems to open doorways in your home, allowingotherstufftogetthrough. Most importantly though, is that as long as an abductee is the active target of a fear campaign then they will find themselves surrounded by these sorts of fearinducing happenings. It goes withtheterritory,becausestuffislookingtosinktheabducteein life, and to do so relies on a persons negative/fearful/paranoid personalfrequency.Thinkaboutwhathappenstopeoplewhoare immersedincrazyparanormalhappeningsandharassment.Their effectiveness in life is drastically reduced, and any positive things they could be doing in life to help themselves, and others in the world,isvirtuallyeliminated.Unlessthatpersongainsawareness and can snap out of it and put a stop to it, theyre effectively removed from the picture. Another one down! Mmmwwahahahahaha!Andinthemeantime,thefeedersgetan allyoucaneatbuffetoutofthedeal. RightnowasItypethisinVirginia,wehavenoneofthatstuff happening anymore. Absolutely nothing.and I had been taking that for granted in fact, until writing this section forgetting how it usedtobe!AsfarasIcantell,westillhaveabductionsoccurring, but none of the paranormal and anomalous happenings that have typically gone with it in the past. When youre aware and know exactly what to do and what mindset to adopt, they dont bother. Theresnothingforthemtolatchonto.[Onafunnysidenote,asI was typing that last paragraph, we experienced a power surgethreepowerglitchesinarow.Thatsneverhappenedinthe year and a half weve lived in this apartment. It could be just a coincidence,butreally,whataretheodds.Andthenumberthree has often been noted as an announcement marker of nonhuman intelligences, whether its three knocks, or what have you. So, I took it as a funny little reminder, that Hellowere still here And the fact that something is around and aware of us but yet isntkickingupastinkanymoresayssomething,tomeanyway.]
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The Chosen Ones

Alien souls incarnating on a mission?
Abducteeswilloftenfeelasistheyrehereonamission,with anagendatoaccomplish,andthattheyaredifferentinsomeway. Some even feel as if they have to help save the world, thats how strongtheurgeisthatdrives them. Iveexperienced the feeling of havingamissionandsomethingimportanttoaccomplishever sinceIwasakid.Itssomethingthatsalwaysthere,rightunderthe surface. It never goes away. Still others refrain from having kids for this reason, feeling that children and a normal life would impedeonwhattheyreheretodo,orthatthisworldissobadoff thatkidsshouldnotbebroughthereatthistimeifonecanhelpit. (Again,samehere,toboth.)Somepeopleeventakeittothepoint of believing that theyre not from Earth, theyre alien souls in humanbodiesWanderers,StarSeeds,Indigos,and variousother labels that are floating around on the internet and in books. So whatsgoingonwiththis?Arewereallyhereonamission?Are there really alien souls in human bodies right now? Is this just programming, designed to mess with abduction targets? Or is it both,depending? Itseemsthatpositivelyorientedsoulsdoarriveherefromother realmswithanintendedgoalorplan,withsomethingtheydliketo contribute to the world, adding their little bit to the pile to help shapeandinfluencetheoutcomeoflifehereonplanetEarthduring these times. I myself dont go around proclaiming to people that ImanETsoul,yet,IdefinitelyfeelasifImheretodosomething bigIcantjustbesomenormalpersoncontenttoliveouttheirlife anddie.AndIcaneasilyseemyselfhavingexistedasnonhuman beingsonotherplanets.Soonepossibilityisthatthisfeelingcould indeedtieintobeinghereonaStarSeedmission.However,even if I have incarnated elsewhere, as other types of beings, I dont identify with being an alien as many Star Seeds do. I would never label myself, and dont mentally reject being human, on Earth. (For some though it gets taken to that level.) So another
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possibility is that this mission/drive could be a general incarnational goal, their life plan, if nothing else. But then theres always the third possibility, which is that some people havebeenprogrammedtofeelthisway. IfonerealizesthattheyareaMILAB,orjustamilitaryabductee ingeneral,thentheyneedtolookverycloselyattheirbeliefsabout beingnonhuman,special,different,hereonamission,andsoon. Especiallymemoriestheymayhavethatareassociatedwiththis belief. Mind control programming is apparently very vivid and believableandyes,quiteeffectiveonmany.Idontmeantothrow a wrench in the works for people, but for those who can acknowledgethattheyareaMILAB,thenitbecomesimperativeto question everything one thinks they believe or know about themselves, because the fact is, they are programming people, andtheyareexperimentingonpeople,playingthemlikelabrats. It doesnt mean that all people who believe/feel themselves to be alien,special,differentandhereonamissionareprogrammed,but, somecertainlymaybe.InPartIIImentionedwhatseemstobea dream of an abduction memory where I was being told of my reptiliangenetics.YetthefactthatIwasclearlylyingonanexam table under a light, being told this fact by a hypnotic male voice while having some sort of hallucination of little gecko lizards pouring out of my chest doesntexactly lendcredenceto the idea. Definitely programming. And when I pendulum dowsed this I always get a big fat No to whether I have reptilian genetics. Butitsveryinterestingthatsomethingwantedmetobelievethis about myself. Getting a target to believe theyre part Reptilian, Gray, or some sort of nonhuman entity in general when theyre actuallynotcanserveavarietyofnegative,manipulativepurposes. Soifyouveeverhadsimilarideas,thenaskyourselfthis:
How long have you felt this way? Is it as long as you can remember?Ordiditbeginaroundacertainage?Ifso,whatage? Canyoupinpointtheexacttimeormomentthatitbegan?
Whateffectdidthebeliefhaveonyou?Hasitchangedtheway yougoaboutyourlifeinanyway,andifso,how?Hasitaltered your personality? What effects, if any, has it had on your
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relationshipswithotherpeople?Hasitbeenpositive,negative,or neutral?
Are there groups or activities that youre involved with as a result of this belief that you wouldnt have been involved with otherwise? If so, again, what are the effects of these activities/groups on you, your life, and your personal relationships?Isitpositive,negative,orneutral?
These are important questions to ask for anybody who has found themselves convinced that they may be an alien hybrid of some sort, apart from the rest of humanity. Take a moment to think about what a belief like that could do. Getting the target to identify with their abductors, and identify with their traits is one thing, for starters. Were part of the same teamwere on your side, and youre one of us. Also, if the target is somebody who wasworkingforthegoodguysdoingpositivethingsinlife,itcan beaformofsabotagetoderailthem,getthemrelatingtothebad guysinstead. Something I have to wonder is: Before the big New Age movementofthe20thcenturyandalltheblackopsmindcontrol projects, did people still go around believing that they were aliensinhumanform?Themilitary/governmenthashadahandin shaping and influencing the modern New Age movement with everythingitentails.Withthatinmindyouhavetowonderthenif theyaretheoneswhoarebehindcreatingtheseideasandlabels in the first place, as part of some sort of experimentation of sorts, wherepeoplearemessedwithandprogrammedtoseewhatthey can get them to believe. The kickerfor me isthat I remember my last past life where I was clearly human, and get a feel for other (human)livesbeyondthatbutIcanalsoseehowIveincarnated elsewhere too, maybe before originally getting to Earth. And in fact,Ionceexperiencedamemoryflashshowingmethis,which Ill get into in a moment. So I can totally accept the idea of non human incarnations on other planets, but the way New Agers typically approach the subject has always rubbed me the wrong way. So possibly another angle is that the infiltration into these New Age/metaphysical movements has been to distort what are
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actually some valid concepts, leading the herd astray. So many possibilities! Then theres the subject of the military/governments involvement in tracking those children who have been labeled by theirparentsasIndigosandoneofthenewgiftedchildren.No surprise, but the government has a keen interest in children with exceptional mental and psychic abilities, as evidenced by the declassified government documents detailing their mind control experimentation over the decades. Get the New Age parents scoping their childrens talents, slapping labels on them and announcing it to the world on the internet and symposium gatherings, doing the brunt of the talent scouting work so the governmentdoesnthaveto.Prettyclever.Ididntcomeupwith thistheorythough,thisisawordofcautionIveseenfromvarious people. In summary Ill leave off with an anecdote regarding my own supposedmemoryflashregardingwhenIfirstdecidedtoincarnate here.Ithappenedonemorninginearly2005,rightafterwakingasI was laying in my bed. I had a spontaneous image where I could feel myself in the middle of a group of beings, getting ready to comehere.Wewerenothuman.Itwasabigblurofwhooooosh motion as we took off. And we were definitely on a warrior type mission, something we signed up to do you could say. The wholefeelingbehinditwasliketheblastofatriumphanttrumpet. But I cant, and wont, take this as a face value memory, because again, if I can admit in one breath that Im a MILAB target whos been abducted, used and programmed, then I just cannot accept this as being my truth. Maybe as time goes on Ill tap into somethingthatwillgivemesomerealandvalidinsightintowhoI aminthebiggerschemeofthings,whyImhereandhowIcame to get here, but until then, I cant just automatically believe this. ButIknowthatotherMILABtargetsouttherehavesimilarstories tothis,andmanypeopleouttherewouldjustautomaticallybelieve somethinglikethis,withoutexercisinganysortofdiscernment.In amundanelife,somethinglikethiscanbeawelcomeegoboostand somethingtospicethingsup.Soeithersomethingisprogramming ustobelievemindcontrolleddelusions,or,werebeinghonedinon
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and abducted because that really is who we are, and as such, we attractattentiontoourselves.AsalwaysIsaytakeyourpick.I thinkitcanbeamixofboth,dependingonthepersoninvolved.

Abduct me and make me feel special!
RecentlywewerewatchingaDVDofhypnotist/author/speaker DoloresCannongivingatalkataUFOsymposium,andoneofthe things that really jumped out at me was a particular anecdote she relayed. She has what she calls the thems (aliens) who will sometimesspeaktoherthroughherhypnotizedclients,andoneof thebigrevelationsthatwasrelayedtoherbythemwasthatthey arespeciallyselectingpeopletoabductandgeneticallyupgrade increasing their DNA strands, and tweaking them overall to be a part of the aliens master plan for a new Earth, and new people. Dolores recounted how she had been telling the audience this revelation at a previous conference, and how some guy in the audiencehadpipedupwith,WherecanIsignup!Shechuckled as she relayed this to her current audience, and the overall implication was that this alien revelation is real, and its a good thing,andtherearedefinitelypeopleouttherewhodlovetosign upforthisandteamupwiththealiens. I heard that and was like, AHHH! NO! slapping my forehead with my hand. Its a huge mistake that many people make, and make for all the wrong reasons. The idea of being one of the selected few who gets chosen to have special DNA upgrades bytheGodlikealiensisappealtotheego,aswellasrelinquishing your power to something outside of yourself. We dont need alienstoupgradeusandhelpusevolve.TheyarenotGod, and theyre definitely not something we need to be submissively subservient to, giving ourselves up to them. And it doesnt make usspecialandexcitingtobechosenforsuchathingeither.Ifa personhasamundanelifethoughthiscanbequiteexcitingand thats understandable. Many abductees get a kick out of being targeted,becauseitsetsthemapartfromothers,itmakestheirlife interesting and different, and some do go as far as to believe they mustbespecialasaresultofitall.Andtheresreallynothingthat
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canbesaidtoapersonwhosinthatmindset.Theyhavetofigure itoutontheirown,intheirownway,fortheirownreasons. It starts by realizing that abductions and aliens are not a positivethingtohaveinoneslifebutaslongassomeonebelieves thattheirabductorsaregood,thentheresnogettingthempastthat point. However, if they can eventually realize this, then the next stepislearningtoacceptalifethatdoesnthaveallthisclandestine excitement in it. Can they be content to find excitement and stimulation in other, everyday ways, and not rely on their aliens and abductions to provide that kick? A person can still be apart fromtheherdandcarveoutanicelittleindependent,freethinking niche for themselves in this reality without relying on their alien/militaryabductionstoprovidethatforthem.Thelastpartis getting over the ego boost that this sort of thing brings to many. Being selected by aliens is not a good thing, contrary to what manybelieve.Itdoesnotmakeonesuperiorinanyway.Aperson isnotgoingtobebetterthantheirneighbororcoworkerforhaving beenspeciallyselectedforsupposedDNAupgrades.Ifanything, they are now the aliens little puppet, as I call it, their guinea pig personalproperty.Howcanthatbeagoodthing??Well,unlessof course they believe the abductors are good and Godlike and that wesomehowneedthemtoimproveus. Andthentheresthefactthatalienslie,toputitbluntly.Theyll tell you whatever you want to hear and whatever you want to believe if it means youll willingly let them keep abducting you. Wedontknowwhatweresigningupfororwhatwevejustgiven ourselves over to. So just because theyre aliens doesnt make them better than us, Godlikeor even truthful. And, it may not actuallybealiensthatweredealingwith.Nowtheresathought! What if its a screen memory? What if its human blackops military factions doing the abducting and programming, convincing one to believe that theyre dealing with happy little Grays from Zeta Reticuli? There the target is, willingly giving themselvesuptothem,Upgrademe!Fixme!Makemebetterand special!andtheymeanwhile,areprogrammingwithdrugsand hypnosisandlaughingtheirassesoffastheydoit.Thishappens.
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Thisisactuallywhatsgoingonformanypeople,unfortunately. So,somethingtokeepinmind. Becausetheabduction phenomenon is so shadowy and covert, and because we cant fully know or trust what were actually dealingwith,itsinmyopinionthatweshouldjustsaynotoALL abductions.Turnyourback.Walkaway.Trulypositiveforcesare available to you whenever you needwho dont have a need for abductions,promises,andflashytheatrics.
The Big Boys with their Alien Toys

Asthereaderhasprobablyalreadyfiguredoutforthemselves, whatever is going on in my situation is a confusing mess. There haveclearlybeenhumansinvolvedinmyabductions,andyet,the technologytheyreutilizingisnothingthatthemainstreampublicis aware of. And the way events are being orchestrated is beyond time,toputitsimply,somethingthatonlynonhumanintelligences aresupposedtobecapableof.Orsowethought.Sowhatsgoing on here? How can this be? Researchers only rarely talk about military abductions, let alone human/military factions that are acting like aliens. And its exactly the reason I have had such difficulty in getting answers for my personal situation. Were usuallypresentedwithablackandwhiteversionofwhosbehind abductionsitseitherregularoldhumanmilitaryagentswhoare technologicallyonparwiththerestofthepublic,or,itssuperGod likealiens.Period.Takeyourpick. X! Try again. What Ive been seeing are super Godlike humans doing stuff that only aliens are supposed to be capable of. When Ive pendulum dowsed my abduction situation on severaloccasionsIvegottensomeunusualanswers.WhenIasked, AmIbeingabductedbyhumanmilitary?fullyexpectingtheloud Yes and already mentally moving on to the next question, the answerinsteadcamebackas....Maybe. ?? I thought. Maybe for me means keep digging, theres more to this then just simply yes or no. So then I asked, Am I
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being abducted by aliens? And got another maybe. Maybe?? I thought. What does it mean, maybe? It can only be humans or aliens...right? What is this weird wrench in the works! I asked againandgotthesameMaybes.hmm.Finallyatalossforwhyit wasntblackandwhiteyes/no,andnotsurewhereelsetogowith thislineofquestioning,Ifinallythoughttoask,AmIbeingtaken byhybrids?? And I got a very clear Yes. And Ive gotten a clear Yes every timeIveaskedthatquestion. For starters, theres always the big possibility that pendulum dowsing is nonsense and it means nothing at all. But if its valid, thenthisanswercanmeandifferentthings.Whileonepossibilityis that yes, Im being taken by alien/human genetic hybrids, a secondarymeaningcouldbehumanmilitaryspooksutilizingalien technologywithalienbuddies.So,anoperationthatisahybrid ofthetwosides. TheresareasonIvegonearoundinmylifeandontheinternet sayingthatthesetupofthisreality,andthethingstheywantusto believe are lies. There are government/military factions running around out there completely removed from the mainstream government. They have technology were supposed to think doesnt exist. I know this because of the things Ive seen, which arent supposed to be possible according to the accepted laws of realityonthesurfacecivilianworldofthesheepherd.Meanwhile, we the public are still driving around in 2,000 pound metal boxes on rubber wheels and flying in the sameold fuel/engine driven aluminum tubes, completely immersed in personal dramas, entertainmentfluff,andillusoryworldstrifethatservestodistract us. There are clearly two worlds or more happening, and theyve successfully got about 95% of the population herded very tightlyintoonerealityoption. What researchers know from experience and by talking to abducteesisthatthemilitarynowhastheabilitytobeammessages viamicrowavesatpeople,aswellasbeingabletocommunicatetoa target via their implant(s), creating that voices in the head phenomenon.ImyselfbelieveIwitnessedabeammeuplaser,as well as having personal experience where it seemed as if I was
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plunked back into bed very suddenly from someplace else. And somebody was quietly moving about my apartment Florida, barelydisguisedwithsomesortofcloakingtechnology.Thisisall prettyfarouttherestuff,butyetstillrelativelyeasyforthebrainto digest,andallquiteplausiblewhenyoustopandponderit. Butthenwhataboutwhenwegettotheareasinvolvingreality manipulation,timemanipulation,andsynchronicities??Thoseare concepts that the brain doesnt have such an easy time trying to decipherandseemsbeyondtherangeofhumancapability.Ifthat infamouspenfromnowherebackinPortlandmentionedinPart IIreallywaswhatIthinkitwas,thenhowisthatpossible?Thats literally likesomebodywas sittingbehind a curtainthat separated my reality from theirs, and was able to reach into this reality and alter it from behind the scenes, so to speak. Butbehind the sceneswhere?Whereisbehindthescenes? This is the point where people begin to think it has to be the aliens, but again, Ive had experiences that show humans being intricately involved in these activities. Aliens dont speak with sarcastic human male voices and toss around very human writing instruments.Andthatswhenitstimetofacethemusicthereare human elements on this planet who can do these things, and it doesnt matter what the media, schools and Powers That Be tell you about whos who and whats what here on Earththeres a wholerealitygoingonrightunderournoses,andwerepurposely beingshieldedfromit.Thatshieldingisexactlyhowtheycankeep doingwhattheyredoing.Werestilldrivingaroundonthosemetal boxes with rubber wheels, mind you but do you think thats all The Powers That Be are capable of? If all those reports over the decadesofaliencontactarereal,thenwhywouldntthetwosides have joined forces? Theres always that possibility though that humansgotthereontheirown,inwhichcase,itshighlylikelythat somesnazzyhighlevelphysicistshavebeenspiritedawaytowork for the government black ops and to develop teleportation technology,timetravel,realmandtimemanipulation,andthelike. Itseemspossibleandhighlylikely,consideringthattheNavywas experimentingwithinvisibilityandtimeholesduringWWII,with their Philadelphia Experiment. And that was 70 years ago. 70+
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years from 1944 should put us into some pretty advanced technologicalterritory. The only problem iswhat were seeing here on the good old surface world is relative stagnation. Most people arent noticing thisthough.Becausetheircellphonemodelsbecomemorerefined and car bodies get slightly tweaked and wehave more distraction tactictechnogadgetstoplaywith,weresupposedlyprogressing. ;) Keep in mind that electronic swipe cards and flat screen computer monitors just to name a couple of recent technological advancements were old hat to the secret military factionsdecades ago. When you do the research into military abductions youll find abductees describing these yettobe invented technologies during abductions that took place many yearsago. ItsbeensaidthatTheyare30yearsaheadintheirtechnology versuswhatthepublicisallowedtoknow.30isalowestimateI think,thenumberisprobablyalothigher.Itsalsooneofthoseoft quoted sayings, which makes it suspicious. Its a bit silly to even trytomakeestimatesaboutwherethetechnologytimelineisreally at when we the public are missing most of the story. What Ive experienced/understoodaboutthissecrettechnologyhasledmeto seriouslyquestionjusthowfarbehindwe,thegeneralpopulation, havebeenheldback,andhowmuchrealityhasbeenmanipulated to keep us asleep and out of the loop. Whats actually going on here on this planet anyway? It really reminds me of the scene in TheMatrixwhenMorpheustellsNeo,Youbelieveitstheyear 1999,wheninfactitscloserto2199.Icanttellyouexactlywhat year it is because we honestly dont know. So while it may be 2006, the fact is the mainstream public is being held down, held back,andkeptoutoftheloopofprogress,whichineffectcreatesa distortionaboutwhere/whenwereallyare.Stuffhasgoneon withoutus,andtheydontwanttobringthecommonriffraffalong withthem.;)AndactuallyIcanunderstandthat,Imjustneutrally bringing this fact to peoples attention if they havent already figureditoutforthemselves. AninterestingphenomenonthatIvealsonoticedishowmany average people believe that if this secret government technology
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and these other layers of reality existed, well, they (Joe Average) would certainly know about it, right? The fact that they havent heard about it and dont know about it means it plain old just doesnt exist, and that the rest of us who say differently are quite obviouslycrazy.Well,nottobursttheirbubble,buthonestlywho isthisJoeAveragetothem?Nobody.SowhydoesJoeAverage think they would or should know about it? The slave owner doesnt report to his slaves. Its the other way around. But the surface world has done a lot to pump up so many peoples egos andconfidence,makingpeoplethinkthattheyresomebodyspecial andimportantbecausethemediatellsthemsotwentytimesaday, andalsobecausetheymayevenhavealotofmoney,aspecialtitle, abighouseandthreeorfourcarsandastockportfolio.Itcreates confident knowitalls with highly inflated egos who believe they shouldandwouldbeawareofsuchthings.Intruth,theyrestill an ant like the rest of us, despite their money, titles, houses and cars.Justarich,glorifiedantwithafewmoreprivileges.Thatsall. Andtheyrestillgoingtobeouttheloopaboutwhatsreallygoing onhereonPlanetEarth,whethertheiregocanhandlehearingthat ornot.Andfortherestofuswhohavediscoveredthatsomething is amiss, we only know about it because we stumbled onto it accidentallyduetobeingabductees.Otherwisewewouldnthave aclueaboutiteither.Itsnotaneasytopictoaddress,asitsounds verypessimisticandnegative.ButIputitoutthereinamatter offactway.(AndtoclarifywhenIrefer tousasantsImnot implyingthatwereforeverdestinedtobepowerlessdronesatthe mercy of higher forces. Humans have boundless potential that mostofusneverrealizeortapinto.Butaslongaswecontinueto notrealizewhoweareandnottapintoourpotential,thenyes,we willcontinuetobeants.Thebiggestpartofnotrealizingwhowe are involves us behaving as disempowered victims, which is discussedinotherareasofthisbook.) The biggest obstacle in overcoming the confusion surrounding my abductions was realizing this very simple fact there are human military/government factions utilizing what we would consider to be alien technology, doing things that would really stretch a few brains. So either they managed to get there on their
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own,or,theyhadalittlehelpfromtheiralienfriendsandarenow workingsidebysidewiththem.Sowhichoneisit?
Appendix Appendix
Growing up weird
Itwasaluckythingthatasakidbothmyparentswereavidbelievers in the weird and didnt harbor negative superstitious attitudes in regardstothesetopics.Infact,itwasquitetheopposite.Ghosts,psychic powers, UFOs/aliens, reincarnation my parents were definitely open to these topics and didnt bat an eye at any of it, and never questioned me whenIwascheckingbooksoutofthelibraryaboutitall.Ifanything,they encouragedmyinterestinthesubjectsbytheorizingaboutthesesubjects at the dinner table. Psychic powersand stories of my moms psychic experiencesaswellasmygrandmaandgreatgrandma;Pastlivesandmy parentsrandommemoriesofsuch;UFOsandmydadsrecountingofhis onebigUFOexperiencewhileinthemilitary;Hauntedhousesandghosts and the haunted house my dad lived in from the ages of 1018. Then therewasmydadsastraltravelexperiences(flyingashecalledit)and hisowndemonstratedpsychicabilities.Andsoon.Ihearditall.Itwasmy Dad who first taught me about how Man has made incredible technological jumps in the 20 century, and theorizing that it could only have come from one source aliens. I was probably one of the few kids who even had the concept of the vast leaps that humans have taken in suchashorttimespanandhadfamilythatconcludedthatitcameabout throughalienintelligencesandtalkedaboutitatthedinnertable.! Yettherewasanoddparadoxwithmyparents,becausetheywerent NewAgehippydippyliberals,whichisthetypicalstereotypeforpeople whoareinterestedinthosesubjectsanddiscussthemopenly.Mydadwas a conservative Reagan Republican, former military, (Navy, 19681972, Vietnam)fromaCatholicbackgroundincludingParochialschooluntil8th grade, back when they had nuns that could beat you up. Reading Conservative Reagan Republican military Catholic might conjure up imagesofuptightness,buthewasntasbadasitsoundshewasraised Catholic as a boy, but that was later abandoned, and his family was a dysfunctionalmess.Inhighschoolheplayedintwo(rock)bands,andhis stories were always so much fun to listen to. They all seemed to center around drinking, fighting, boinking, and playing in bands. In between getting good grades in school though. ;) He had the craziest stories, but they were the best. My mom was alsofrom a Catholic family, and while sheapparentlyvotedDemocrat,shewasneveradippyhippy,eveninthe 60s, and didnt actively read anything New Age. Her family was a dysfunctionalmessaswell,soinhighschoolshewasthelittledruggiebad student chick who was more concerned about music, clothes, partying,
th
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boyfriends and her various after school jobs than anything academic or intelligent.Andlaterwheneverybodyelsewasbusyrollingaroundinthe mudatWoodstock,shewaswearingherfrostedlipstickandvelvetmini dressesandlefttogoworkasasecretaryonWallStreet. Somaybebecauseoftheirbackgrounds,ratherthaninspiteofthem, theywereopentotheweird,andsowewerefondofanythingonTVor in the movies that related to the paranormal. Close Encounters of the ThirdKind,PoltergeistandRaidersoftheLostArkweremyalltime favorite moviesbytheageoften,courtesyofmyparentsallowingmeto watch them. Also by the age of ten and eleven, Id worked my way through most of the books on the subjects of aliens, UFOs, abductions, ghosts,psychicpowers,andtheparanormalthatyoucanpossiblythinkof that our local library had in stockin the grown up section. And I just lovedthoseTimeLifeMysteriesoftheUnknownseries.;)By7 gradeI gave a report in one of my classesabout psychic powers. In 10 and 11
th th th th
gradesitwasthereportsaboutUFOsandaliens.Andin12 gradeitwas something paranormal woowoo, cant even remember what. It was duringourpsychologyclasstwoweekforayintoparapsychology,andall Irememberisthatitsparkedaninteractivediscussionwhereourteacher and the entire class were all sidetracked, talking about paranormal woo woofortherestoftheperiod.(LetshearitforMr.Beidler!yay!Probably the only time in the mainstream public school system where kids were encouraged to discuss ghosts and psychic powers and learned how to dowsethehumanbodysenergywithmetalcoathangers!)Buttherewas aneedtotalkaboutthesesubjectsandtowakeothersup.Ididntmuch likethefactthattheeverydayrealworld(atthattime)didnttalkabout these subjects, and in an open way. Why is everybody sofocused on the shallow, mainstream, trivial boring stuff?? Money, college, economics, politicswho cares??! To me, the only stuff that felt real were the very topicsthatthemajorityofsocietywasntcomfortabletalkingabout.Atthis point in the early 2000s things have changed for the better, with a less repressiveenvironmentfordiscussingthesethings,whichisgood. Ataprivategatheringin2005offreethinkingpeoplewhoareintothe strange,forlackofabetterwaytoputit,oneolderguyinhis50smade smalltalkwithmebyaskingifIwasinterestedinthesubjectofaliensand UFOs. It came about because I recommended the book he was flipping through,RulebySecrecy,byJimMarrs.Sowhenheaskedthatquestion Ikindoflaughed,andinsidemyheadIrolledmyeyes.Ihesitatedbefore answering.Iwas30yearsoldatthetime,andIdbeenresearchingaliens andUFOssinceIwasnine.IdreadsomuchbythispointthatIcouldnt
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honestly claim to be actively interested in aliens anymore. In fact, the subject was tired and worn out to me. Nevertheless, I said Yeah, sure, nodding. Sowhatgotyouinterested?hesmiled,curious. Myparentsactually,Isaid,realizingitconsciouslyforthefirsttime. I had independent interest in it, but because of their acceptance of it all and the stories they shared and the movies we were watching, it quadrupled my interest and encouraged what might have only been a passingfadinmylife. For some reason, this genuinely threw him off. His smile faded, and helookedpuzzled. IstartedheavilyresearchingalienswhenIwasnine,buttobehonest, Imnotreallythatinterestedinitanymore,Ielaborated.IguessImjust kindofoveritatthispoint,youknow? Hestilllookedsurprised,kindoflikeHuh.Wellalrightythen!That was the end of that conversation! I wasnt purposely trying to shut him out,butIthinkthathewasexpectingtohearthatIdonlyrecentlybecome opentothesubjectonashallowsurfacelevel,andprobablyonlydueto some recent silly experience or something. When in fact Id been researching these subjects for literally most of my life, received encouragementfrommyparentstopursueitasakid,andamcompletely embroiledinthewholeabductionphenomenon.Aswellasbeingmatter offactaboutitall.Iguessallfourarealittleunusual. In retrospect, with what I know now, its safe to say that my entire family has been involved in abductions especially my dad although theyconsciouslydidntrealizeit.ItseemsmyDadhadgottentheinterest ofsomethingdatingbacktowhenhewasjustakid,growingupinNew York. Like father, like child, and so his abilities and weirdness were passedontothenextgeneration,tomybrotherandI.Mydadcouldhave gottentheattentionofstuffpossiblyduetoanyorallofthefollowing:1) HisdadhadalsobeenintheNavywhenhewasyoung(meaning,possible military abductions going on); 2) He had natural abilities which attractedtheattentionofthem,whateverthemis;and3)Helivedin theHudsonValleyareaofNewYorkNewYork,andtheHudsonValley in particular, is supposed to be a hotbed of UFO/base activity. A highly recommended book by Ellen Crystal called Silent Invasion details the UFOcrazinessthatwasgoingoninthePineBush/HudsonValleyareain the 80sshe even mentions Middletown, New York specifically. Thats whereIwasborn. When my dad was very little, and still living in Manhattan, he remembers standing in the open apartment window looking
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outsidethen feeling a hand shove him from behind. As he lurched forward, about to pitch out the window to his death, another invisible handyankedhimbackin.Whenhewasafewyearsolder,hehadsome strange experience that took place in a park, in the late afternoon/early evening, something involving his vision, and things looking really different,notnormal.Hehadadifficulttimetryingtoexplaintomewhat exactly happened, but basically he wasnt seeing things correctly. Everythinglookedstrangeandbizarre.Soundstomethathewaspossibly seeing a realm bleed through, I dont know. After hitting puberty, he noticedthatsometimeslightsandelectronicgadgetswouldturnoffwhen hewasintheroom.Ilearnedthatafterrelayingtohimoverthephonea storyabouthowmybrotherJoeturnedtheTVonwithhismindonetime whenhewastwelve,andwewerelivinginSoCal.Joegotsoweirdedout byithiseyesgotbigandhisfacefrozeandheslippedoutoftheroomto gohideupstairsinhisownroom.MydadsmiledoverthephonewhenI toldhimthatandwistfullyrelayedthatwhenhewasthatage,itwasthe opposite.Stuffwouldshutoffwhenhewasaround. From ages 1018 he lived in a raised ranch stylehaunted house in the suburbs of Monroe, New York. The tract neighborhood was brand spankingnewbutithadbeenbuiltrightonwhatusedtobeacemetery, alongsideacreek.Mydadfiguredthisoutwhenheandoneofhissisters found broken pieces of headstones in the soil of their brand new, still grasslessyards.Ooops.Sotheyhadyearsofparanormalexperiences lights coming on in the middle of the night, footsteps walking up and downthehallway,thetemperatureinhismomsroomrapidlydropping, becomingascoldasarefrigeratortowhereyoucouldseeyourbreathin the middle of July. Despite the fact they had no air conditioning. And more. I remember some vague story of something that happened one night in the backyard when he was a teen, some apparition, or lights, or who knows what that terrified him to the point where he had difficulty evenexplainingtomewhatexactlyhappened. By the time he was sixteen, he was giving a report in his 10th grade class explaining that there were secret underground facilities located withintheAdirondackMountainsyethedidntknowhowheknewthis. Hejustknewit,andapparentlyfeltcompelledtosharewhatheknewand wake others up. But for that reason, not being able to explain how he knew this or offering up any proof, his teacher ridiculed him in front of theclass.Iwouldhavelovedtoseeacopyofthatreport!Veryinteresting. SoundsexactlylikemewhenIwasakid.IveoftenwishedifonlyIcould haveknownmydadwhenhewasyoung,andbeenthesameageashimat thesametime.Hewasacooldudebackthen.
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So if there was already something happening to him, then the situationcertainlywasnthelpedanywhenheenlistedintheNavyduring Vietnam,in1968.ByenlistingandwillinglyofferinghimselfuptotheU.S. government as he did, versus being drafted, it helped ensure that he would be treated better, and stay out of harms way. In theory. He enlisted as a Communications Technician, i.e., a tech personnel. Spying, to put it more bluntly, working in matters of intelligence, intercepting Morse code messages, and translating those Morse code messagesintotype.Itsnotajobanybodycando,buthewasabletodoit, anddoitwell.Hewassofastthathewouldfinishalineoftype,yankhis handsbackoffthetypekeys,andthetypewriterwouldstillbepounding away,tryingtocatchup.Irememberhimdemonstratingformeasakid whatthatwaslike,evenimitatingthehypnotictrancelikelookonhisface that he would have. He was proud and rightly so. Most people can barely type. Let alone know Morse code. Let alone be able to translate Morsecodeatsomethinglike80+wpmtypingspeed.Iwouldlatercome acrosstheworkofJosephMcMoneagle,whodworkedasaremoteviewer for the U.S. government, who described in his book The Stargate Chronicleswhatatremendouslydifficultfeatitwastomastertranslating Morsecodeintotype.ItwassomethingMcMoneagleworkedandworked on,hisspeedslowlyincreasingovertime,withmucheffort.Soformydad to perform the way he did with such apparent ease is insanity. I know hes proud, but I dont think he comprehends the full extent of what he wasabletodo. As mentioned earlier in this piece, when you do the research into government/military mind control experimentation, the Navy comes up time and time again as being a culprit. Back in 2002 I hit the goldmine whenIstumbledacrossapiecethatmentionedtheNavyperformingmind controlexperimentationwaybackwhenonwhatofallpeoplebut theirtechpersonnel. When I broached this subject with my Dad one afternoon on the phone back in 2002 it brought stuff to the surface, and things began pouringout.Withoutwarning,hestartedtickingoffallkindsofweirdness he remembered from throughout his entire life, including some of the incidents mentioned earlier, and on into his time in the military. As he startedrelayingthesebitsandpiecestomeonthephoneIrealizedwhatI washearing,anddidamadscrambleformynotebookandapenwithone hand, while holding the phone with the other, so I could take notes but without interrupting him and risk breaking the flow of information that was coming out. This was NOT stuff I wanted to miss or forget. Im extremelygladIhadthesmartstodothat.OvertheyearsIvebeenprone
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to letting opportunities slip through my fingers but this wasnt one of thosetimes.In2003Ihad(yetanother)fallingoutwithmydad,andhave beenoutofcontactwithhimsincethattime,sothiswasallImanagedto get before that occurred. And what I got that afternoon is the following (phrasesinquotationsaredirectquotesfromhim): AftermydadenlistedandtookhisIQandmilitaryaptitudetests,he wasbasicallywhiskedaway,youcouldsay.Hedidnthavetogotoschool fortrainingthateverybodyelsedidsomehowgottoskipthatpart.He noticed this, but didnt question it too much. But what he does know is that his four year tour of duty was filled with strange happenings and preferential treatment. Got the choicest places to be stationed such as Germany, San Diego, and then Pensacola Florida for six monthsin the winter.ConcerningFloridainthewinter,abuddyofhisevenjoked,Who areyoublowintogetthat?!?Heevenhadhischoicegrantedofbeingon planes,ratherthanonships. The weird thing about Germany though is that he and one of his buddiesspentChristmasatthehouseofanAmericancouplethatoffered to host some American soldiers in their home for the Christmas holiday. Twenty five years later, at the factory that my Dad now manages in Connecticut, one of the new women working there looked vaguely familiartohim.OnlytofindoutthatshewastheAmericanwomanwho hosted him in her home, twenty five years earlier. Now, what are the odds.Makesmewonderifshehadasecondarypurpose. Then there was the incident he relayed that for me, cemented my suspicionsabouthimpossiblybeingtakenandexperimentedwith.Heand hisbuddyHopkinswereoutlateonenight,andasfarasherecalls,they went to sleep back at the barracks. However, the next morning both of themwerewounduplikeeightdayclocks!andwereabletoreadeach othersmindsalldaylong.(Ampeduppsychicabilities,basically.)They had SO much energy, and feelings of positiveness, like the world was wonderful and beautiful, boundless energy, but not like a jittery caffeineenergy.Itwasdifferent. Something obviously occurred between the time they went to bed and when they awoke the next morning. And logic would dictate that it couldnthavebeentheonlytimethiseverhappened,either. OverallhisexperienceintheNavywasprettygoodhesaid,compared towhatotherpeoplewentthroughinVietnam.Alotofpartying,women, andgoodtimes,kindofabreeze. I also learned at this time that even though he was in the Navy, he didntactuallyreporttotheNavy.HereportedtotheNSA.Ineverknew that,notthatitwouldhavemeantanythingtomeyearsagoanyway.Ihad
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nocluebackthenofanything.ButIdonow.Anditdoesmakesense,since he was involved in matters of spying and intercepting communications, which is the same thing the NSA is doing to American citizens on domesticsoil.AfterlearningthatIwasleftwondering,Whataretheodds thatme,beingwhoIam,wouldhavedatedmyexboyfriendwhosedadis NSAandonlytofindoutafterthefactthatmydadtechnicallyworked fortheNSAaswell.Iftheresevensomesortofconnectionthere,Idont know. Mydadwentontostressseveraltimesthathiswholelifehasbeen protected.Timeandagainheshadclosecallsandneardeathmoments, onlytobepluckedout.Thisluckwithmortalityextendsintobeingoverall veryluckyinlife.Saysitseemslikehecandonowronginlife.Relayed stories about his (then) recent speeding ticket just beingthrown out of court.Therewassomeprobleminvolvinganelectricalpowerlineoutside his house, dont know exactly what hewas talking about other than that theproblemmysteriouslyfixeditself.Andingeneral,herealizedthatin hislifeeverythingalwaysworksoutforhim.Likesomethingiswatching overhisshoulder.Overtheyearshesrelayedseveraloftheseneardeath momentswheresomethingrescuedhimatthelastmoment,orwhereit wasliketherewasabubbleofprotectionaroundhim.Thattimewhenhe was shoved out the window as a child in NYC then yanked back in by somethingelse.HoppingtrainsonetimeasakidinNewYorkandhehad the urge to jump off right at a particular moment. When he landed on the ground and looked up, there was a large post right there along the tracks that would have smacked into him and killed him had he not jumpedrightthen.InVietnam,aplanehewasinwasshotdownfourout ofsevenintheplanewerekilled,butnotmydad.Hewaspluckedfrom theriver,floatinginjetfuel.Standingontheriverbankinthejungle,anda grenade goes off right next to him, killing his buddy who was standing rightthere.Doesnttouchahaironmydad.ThetimewhenIwasababy andhewasdrivingbackhomeinthemiddleofthenightaftervisitingmy grandmotherwholivedinNorthCarolinaatthetime.Wewereonthe95 North, at the junction of the 95 and 295, going 70, 80 mph according to him.(likeme,mydadlikestodrivefast.;))Mydadrealizedhewasinthe wrong turn lane, but it was too late to swerve. He tried anyway though, notthinkingclearly,thenrealizedatthelastmomentthathewasntgoing tomakeitandwasgoingtosmashrightintothedivider.Butnextthinghe knows, he was safely on the 95, heading north. No recollection of what happened in between the moment when he was going to impact the median,tothemomentwhenthecarwassafelyonthe95likenothinghad happened.Hehadthisfeelingcomeoverhimthateverythingisgoingto
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beokay,dontworry...Heandmymomlookedateachother,wideeyed. Buttheydidnttalkaboutit.Theyneverdiscussedtheincidentagain.This wasthefirsttimehewastalkingaboutitoutloudtoanybodyin27years. My regret is not having followed up with my dad in a later phone conversationtopressformorestoriesfromhim.Ishouldhaveformulated some questions, but I didnt have enough knowledge and information at that point to even know what to ask him. I do remember broaching the subject of military mind control on several later occasions with him over thephone,butnoneofthoseoccasionseverelicitedtheresponsethatIgot onthatonerareoccasion.ThelasttimeIrecallmentioningthesubjectto himhefinishedmysentenceforme,showingmethathewasawareofthe subject and remembered what I had to say about it previously, but his voice showed that he sounded a tad bit skeptical and detached. Kind of likehewasslippingbackintoobliviousdenial.Notinterested.Movingon. Next. One miscellaneous odd item about my dad, mentioned briefly in passing earlier, was his big UFO encounter. At a military base in Vietnam or the Philippines, cant remember, two UFOs appeared and parked themselves over the base one night. Not registering on radar, of course. The people inside the base had to be manually notified, you couldsay,becausetheysawnothingappearingonradarandhadnoclue whatwastranspiringoutside.Andoutofeverybodywhocouldhavebeen standing underneath these UFOs, guess who it was. My dad, and one of his buddies. They stood looking up at these UFOs, clutching their rifles, frozen with fear in a weird stand off. At that point, fighter jets were scrambledtogoupafterthem,andthentheUFOstookoff.Zzzipover thehills,asIremembermydadtellingmeasakid.Goneinablink.The jets had barely pulled themselves off the ground and the UFOs were already gone. That seems a bit odd that it was my dad of all people standingrightunderneaththeUFOs.AndIdowonderwhat,ifanything, could have been passed along to my dad, any kind of communication transferofsomesort...?Youneverknow.Itsalljustverystrange. The last time Iactuallyspoke to my dad wasFebruary 2003; then he droppedoutofthepictureandIdidnthearfromhimagainuntilJulyof that year, via email, and I admittedly didnt respond very nicely. It was thenailinthecoffinofourrelationship,twelveyearsinthemaking,going backto1991whenmymommovedmybrotherandmyselftoCalifornia after the divorce. Whats interesting to note is that those times he was sporadically contacting me were all around the 20 of the month. Like clockwork, like a schedule. It was an odd coincidence. My abductions
th
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st rd
also coincided at that point in my life on either the 1 3

th rd
of each
monthorthe20 23 .Ifinallypartedwaysbecausethesituationwith himhadbecometoointolerablyweirdforme.Butbeforetheend,hewas telling me some very eye opening things. I do stuff, then forget doing it,hesaid,suchasrewiringtheelectricalinhismomshouse,orfixing broken computers for his family skills he didnt even know he had. Whenhesincrowds,hefeelslikehesinadreamworld,thingarenot real,hesjustgoingthroughthemotions,likealeafblowingthroughthe breeze,hesherebutnothere,IfeellikeIminaplay,andthatin general,thingsarepredetermined.DontrememberhalfofwhatIdo anymore but its not Alzheimers he says, because stuff does get donehejustdoesntrememberdoingit.Likewiththeharddriveinhis computerhedoesntrememberhowhefixedit.Whenhelooksatithe cantfigureitout.Butyet,itsfixed.(onasidenoteyearsbackherelayed anexperiencepertainingtowakinguponedayandrealizinghedbeen inthathorriblemarriagetomymomforsolong.Hehadbeennappingin their room, and woke up in the evening to hear my mom downstairs, doing her usual weirdo thing where she pretends shes putting away dishes and instead starts slamming the cabinets and drawers open and shut,openandshut,ventingherhostilityatwhoknowswhat.Andhesaid hewaslayingthereinbed,listeningtotheWHAM!...WHAM!!...WHAM!! goingondownstairs,anditwaslikehewokeup.Hefeltasifhewas emergingfrom a fifteen year dream,like WHATAM I DOING? Its not supposedtoBElikethis!!!Andthatwasthebeginningoftheend.) Blackoutperiods/missingchunksofoneslife/missingtime,feelingas ifinadreamstate,feelingasifwakingup,andskillsfromanunknown source are classic indicators of an abductee with a programmed, compartmentalized mind. Another thing to note about my dad is that theredefinitelyseemedtobe twoDads.Therewasnice,dopey,dippy, passive, oblivious Dad, and then there was Mean Dad. Not physically abusive,justahellacioustemper,andthemostbiting,hateful,comments. WhenIwas15or16Ididnteventalktohimforthreemonthsbecauseof somethinghesaidtomewhichhelaterhadnorecollectionofsaying.He wonderedwhyIwasnttalkingtohim.Hadnoidea.Evenwhenwegotto talkingagainandItoldhim,itdidntjoghismemory.TwoDads,allthe way.LaterwhenIwas20andvisitinghimfromCaliforniaheexplodedat meonenightoutofnowhere,spewingsuchhatewithsuchalookofrage that it shocked even my step mother. It was like he wasnt in control of himself,likeademonwasspeakingthroughhim. Buthearingabouthisstrangehappeningsoverthephonewasntwhat
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wasintolerablyweirdtomeorwhatcausedmetobreakoffcontactwith him.Insteaditwasmanyotherthingsthatworemedownovertheyears, personaldramaandnonsense,whichIwontgetintohere.Andsowehad a parting of the ways. (And one interesting tidbit to note was that I discovered my dads phone extension at work was..141. Of ALL numbers, it had to be the MILABS/mind control programming/them numberthatwasassignedtoJoe,andwhichlaterfollowedmearoundall over. The odds on that one are pretty amazing. In my opinion, it was a fingerprintindicatingsomethingatworkinhislife.) Inlookingoverallofthis,Ithinkthatforstarters,mydadsworkwith the Navy/NSA doing whatever he did didnt end with the military. I believe he was continually taken and used for years afterwards, unbeknownsttohim,longafterhewasmarriedandhadkids.Mostlikely beingusedforpsychicstuff,remoteviewing/PSIwork.MaybeforthingsI cant even imagine. Maybe being abducted by things that werent even human.Idontknow,becauseIstilldontunderstandwhoisbehinditand howitallworks.Theprimaryreasonforthistheoryisduetoonespecific incidentfromwhenIwassixteen,whenmydadwasexperiencingoneof hisrecurringboutsofoutofcontrolpsychicability,whathecalledBeing On. It was the first time he divulged this phenomenon to me, and I listened with rapt interest. It was driving him mad, because while On, he could continually read peoples minds and know things about everybody around him, (namely the people he worked with and such) withnoabilitytoshutitoff.Itwaslikeresidualaftereffectsofbeingused for psychic work, reminiscent of his anomalous incident with Hopkins back in the Navy. He was pacing back and forth in our house in Connecticut, annoyed and aggravated about the situation, as I watched, interested,likeHuh.Wow.Mymomwasoutsomewhere,whichwaswhy he was even talking about it. Had she been around, this incident would never have happened.My dad grabbed a deck of playing cardsand told metoshufflethem,meanwhile,ashewrotedownalistoftencardsona pieceofpaper.WhenIwasdoneshufflinghetookthecardsfrommeand flippedoverthefirstteninthedeck. The cards matched perfectly, in the exact order of what hed written onhislist. Hewasntamusedbythisthough,ifanything,itseemedtoannoyhim evenmore.Andforsomereasonthisdidntshockmeasmuchasitcould have. This seemed neat but yet, normal. I didnt find psychic stuff to be surprising.Iwasalreadyanavidreaderoftheweirdforclosetoseven years by that point, and had demonstrated my own abilities, as well as hearing stories from my mom. And in my ideal world, EVERYBODY
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wouldacknowledgeitasthenormalwayforhumanstobe.Thiswaswhy Id felt compelled to give reports on psychic powers at school educate themassesaboutwhatspossible,andwhatshouldbenormalforus.ButI couldunderstandhisfrustrationandaggravationaboutbeingplaguedby somethinghedidntwantanddidntunderstand,andeventheslightfear behind it, wondering how this came to be. But I just figured it was somethinghewasnaturallybornwith,andleftitatthat. Atthisstagehowever,Idontnecessarilythinkthat. Mydadwasbornwithnaturalintuitiveabilities,andhedefinitelyhad a naturally bright intellect. But possibly the military took those natural abilities, tweaked him, and amped thing up a few notches through experimentation and mind control. Only because his term Being On mirrors in some ways something that was mentioned in the movie Suspect Zero, about government trained remote viewers. In Suspect ZerothecharacterplayedbyBenKingsleyexplainsthatthegovernment trained them how to remote view, but I can never turn it off...they didntteachushowtoturnitoff.Toperformthewaymydaddidwith theMorsecodetypecouldhavebeenhisnaturaltalentbutmaybehewas tweaked to perform better. And the way he was whisked away after taking his IQ/aptitude tests and getting to skip the mandatory schooling and training, and his incident with Hopkins, and along with his preferentialtreatmentingeneral,confirmsformethatsomethingstrange was definitely amiss. But it couldnt have stopped in the military, obviously. Because then you factor in those aforementioned blackout periods he mentionedafew yearsago,his dreamlike state of mind,and theskillshedidntevenknowhehad,andHouston,wehaveaproblem. ***** So,nowthatweveestablishedallthat. Despite my good cheer attitude towards my parents with regard to theiracceptanceofallthingsweird,theywerentawalkintheparkby anymeans.NowwegetintotheotheraspectofwhatImeantbygrowing up weird. Something worth noting which I didnt consciously notice untilafterthisbookwasalreadypublishedonmywebsite,funnyenough isthefactthatmyDadbehavesandtalksjustlikethem,fromhisspeech, attitude,ondowntohismannerisms.Whatthismeans,Idontknow,but any of those times Ive heard them speak, or during the couple of encounters with them out in public, their attitude has always been the samejudgmentaldisdainasmydaddisplayedgrowingup.Mydaddidnt startoutthatway,althoughhealwayshadfieryfeistinesstohim.Buthe definitelybecamethatway.Iveseensomanyotherpeoplesdadsoverthe years,anddadsinmovies,andnoneofthemarelikemydad.Hesbeen
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near impossible to try to pin down when describing to people whove nevermethim.Veryunusualpersonality.Sohmm,itsinterestingtothink about the psychological reaction a person might have to their them abductors when they have the same personality/attitude as their fatherwhomtheygrewuploving,fearing,worshippingandrespecting. The way in which I was molded and shaped as a kid seems in retrospecttobethemstyleprogramming.AtfirstIwasntevengoing tomentionitbecausecomparedtopeoplewhoexperiencedveryobvious forms of conditioning and traumatizing in their childhoods via physical and sexual abuse, mine pales in comparison. My deal was all psychological mental and emotional. Its still extremely weird enough thoughtobeworthmentioning.Indiscussingthiswithsomebodyelseit waspointedouttomethatthoseextremelyshockingstoriesofIlluminati childhood satanic ritual abuse that are so popular amongst the hardcore conspiracyresearchersactuallyseemtodistractattentionawayfromthe moresubtlebutpervasiveformsofconditioningandabusethatseemto be happening with regards to MILABs, and military abductees in general.Andmaybethatsexactlywhatsomethingwants.Nothingto see here folks, move it alonglook over there folks at the tabloidstyle sensationalisticstories,nothere,moveitalong.Iveheardfrompeople since the original publication of this book who came from relatively ordinarybackgroundsdefinitelynottheobnoxiouslyobviousIlluminati bloodlineritualabusesituationswherethekidsarebeingsoldintokiddie porn and used in rituals, which is what normally gets all the spotlight attention and who were compelled to mention that they had family dynamicsverysimilartowhatItalkabouthere.Oneguyinparticularhad theabusivemomwhoeventalkedinthesamelowbreathyhissywaythat my mom does. Again, possibly tying back into that whole blueprint formulamentionedearlierinthisbook.Thisisextremelyinterestingtome, and the implications are quite huge. Right now Im currently looking to hear from anybody who may have experienced a family dynamic or life situation in general that is similar to what I talk about here. People can contactmeat:carissaconti@yahoo.com I was born in Middletown, New York, in November of 1974, but we movedtoMassachusettswhenIwastwomonthsold.Thefirstsevenyears ofmylifewherewelivedinMassachusettswereawesome.MymomandI didnt get along, but life in itself was very very good. I had friends, and my life was nice. However, at the age of seven, my parents decided to move us to a semirural area of small town eastern Connecticut.into a nice house, but which was above their means with a mortgage they couldntafford,inabluecollarformermilltownthathadarepressivevibe
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andabsolutelynothinggoingforit.Allbecausemydadtookajobinthe nearby town of Norwich. Manipulation? Seems like it. Should have just stayedwheretheywere,inmyopinion,orchosenmoremodestdigs.Both myparentswerealsoestrangedfromtheirownfamilies,soIdidntgrow up around the rest of my very large family. I have aunts, uncles, cousins,grandparents,(andnowevenahalfsister)thatIvenevermetand neverwill.Soweweredefinitelyisolatedinthatregard.Theonlyoutside familymemberIhadanyrealongoingrelationshipwithwasmymaternal grandmother,(nowdeceased)whoIreallyliked,andwhospoiledmewith lotsofpresentseverytimeshesawusandalwaystookthetimetowrite me postcards over the years detailing her travels.We visited heronce or twice a year, making the trip to New York. But even that was spotty, as there were times my mom was on the outs with her. Isolation seems to playamajorfactorincreatingmayhemforpeople,asalreadynotedinthis book,andmyparentsmovingtosemiruralConnecticutandbeingcutoff fromtheirfamiliesandhavingnofriendsiswhereitbeganhere. AftermovingtoConnecticut,additionalnonfamilyissueswithinthe neighborhood compounded on top of the family deal basically I was bulliedinabadwaybysomeneighborhoodkidsfortheentirenineyears welivedthere.Theywereallanywherefromtwotofouryearsolderthan me,andquitenasty.Iwaseight.Skinnyeightyearoldgirlsdontstanda chance against kids like that. The things that would come out of these kids mouthswow. But all of which means that I spent much of my childhood in Connecticut alone, or hanging out with my brother. I did have a few acquaintances from the neighborhood, but no real true friendships,duetothenatureofwhatwasgoingonwiththebullieswho livedinthehousesnexttoours. SolifereallytookadownwardturnafterthemovetoConnecticut,and thatswhenmyparentsalreadyquestionablemarriagewentontherocks. Our house was emotionally cold and my parents did not act like normal parents. They were unhappy together and very tense, and there was a high degree of control freak, fearbased authoritarian control going on with my upbringing, all of which created just a really strange environment. The littlest thing though could get them to just fly off the handleandkeepgoingandgoingandgoing,onandonandonaboutit, angryandberating,likeIdjustdoneTHEworstthingimaginable.Their responses just did NOT match the offenses being committed, AT all. Completelyunrealisticandbizarro.ThatswhereIgottheperfectionistic, neuroticcomponentofmypersonalityfrom.Ihavetowatchmyselfinlife, because I find myself putting unrealistic expectations on everybody aroundme,andthenflippingoutinternallyandgettingallneuroticwhen
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theydontperformaccordingly.Thatsfromthem. Iwasspoiledwithlotsoftoysandbooksandallmyneedsprovided for with a stable life, so my dad was a very responsible provider in that regard,anditswhyIhaveastrong,welldevelopedfoundation.Butthis isntthesolethingthatsrequiredtocreateahappy,emotionallybalanced kid. My life until about high school was under complete direction. Some aspects of this my mom took the reigns ofin fact, she also directed my dadslife.Butotheraspectstheybothparticipatedin.Rightupintojunior high my mom was all about directing what I could wear to the point of layingoutmyoutfitsforme,whatIhadtoeat,whenIhadtogotobed, telling me when to bathe even controlling the age at which I was allowedtoshower,becausethatwasntpermitteduntilwellafterIwas 14yearsold(!!)andcensoringmefromprettymucheverything.Rightup til14shedfreakoutifanudescenewasabouttohappeninamovieand beallGetoftheroomrightnow!!!Whereasmydadwasmoreaboutthe school work, and overall obedient personality conditioning in general. There was such a strange paradox happening. On the one hand my dad would tell me how he wanted me to be a strong female, somebody who couldtakecareofmyselfnotbeamealymouthwoman(?!!)whatever thatis.Butthenbothofmyparentsturnedaroundanddideverythingin theirpowertotrytocreatetheoppositeofthat.Mixedmessages.Youd think that by the time I was ready to be on my own in life that Id be dependent and reluctant to take care of myself due to being under such regulatedcontrolasayoungerkid,butitwasthe180opposite.Thatlevel ofcontrolwasnevernaturaltomybeing.ThefirsttimeIenvisionedbeing abletorunoffandbeonmyowntakingcareofmyselfwasagenine,andI wasactivelyplottingbyfifteenforhowtogetaway. Then there was school. I was pushed to become a perfect straightA superachieverbrainiacwhocouldmemorizeandregurgitateinstantly,on cue. A robot. A computer. I was very intelligent, and had a thirsty mind andlovedtoreadandlearn,soinmanywaysIdidntmindbeingsmart. It came easy. But it had its unpleasant drawbacks. The most perfect example that illustrates the sort of school conditioning I endured, and personality conditioning in general, would be when I was learning the multiplicationtablesatagenine.Iwouldstandbeforemydadashewore his harsh, humorless mean persona, quizzing me. If I got an answer wrongifIevensomuchashesitated,orfalteredinmyresponseIwas sentbacktomyroomwhilehisfacetwistedindisdain.Andthiscouldgo onforhours,allnight.Backandforth,backandforth,backandforth,back andforth.IrememberatonepointwhenIhesitatedinananswerandhe yelled, I DONT WANT YOU TO THINK! I WANT YOU TO JUST
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KNOOOWW! Be a robot. No thinking. Just KNOW, and be able to instantlyconjureupperfectanswers,oncue,everytime.(Picturethevery fittingimageofquicklysnappingfingers,snap,snap,snap) Relatedtothatwastheweirdidiosynchricgamemydadusedtolike to play where he would ask me random trivia questions that I was expected to know the answers tosnap, snap, snapoff the top of my head.NothingbadwouldhappenifIdidnt,itwaspresentedasifitwas just this fun little inside game we both had, so I never minded. But in retrospect, thats still kind of weird. I mean, who does that, you know? Whywouldyouwantyourkidtobeamemorizeandregurgitaterobot whocangenerateanswersperfectlyoncueatanygivenmoment,inpop quiz fashion? Years later I came across a mention of this style of home programming in the work of Fritz Springmeier. It was more of that almost falling out of my chair thing when I saw him talking about parents quizzing their kids (who were involved in military/government mind control programs) and making them know all sorts of weird, randomtriviafactsthattheydhavetobeabletoregurgitateoffthetopof theirheadsatanygivenmoment,snap,snap,snap.Whataretheodds? OvertheyearsIveheardmanystoriesaboutkidswhoarebribedinto gettinggoodgradesorrewardedinsomeway,andthatsjustveryforeign to me. I was even told that theres no rewards for good performance. Why?Becauseitsexpected.Itsnotsomethingthatshouldbesomesortof big deal. So basically saying, You will perform perfectly, period. Because thatsthewayitis.Thereisnootheroption.I rememberineighthgrade droppingfromanA+toanAinsomesubjectduringonequarter.Oh,that sure got the disdainful, verbal berating from him. The whole taking things for granted/no appreciation thing definitely was an underlying themewiththem. However,despitemydadstrainingtechniquesformoldingmeintoa computerlikesuperperformerregurgitationmachine,Istilldontbelieve hewasevenconsciouslyawareofwhathewasdoing.Myopinionisthat hewastoldtobethatwaywithmeduringhisownabductions,(becauseit serves valuable purposes) and sohe did, without any conscious realizationofwhathewasdoing,orabilitytoevenquestionhimself.See, you have to realize that molding someone into a memorize and regurgitate computer robot at home spills over into their abduction programming with their handlers. As mentioned earlier in this book, theyneedpeoplewhodontthink.Theyneedpeoplewhomindlessly obey.Anditmayalsotieintowhateverthepersonisbeinggroomedto do in their abductions. So the expectation of being a straightA super achiever, the fearbased authoritarian parenting style, having everything
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micromanagedundertheirdirection,possiblyeventherandomquizzing, all of it, helps build that foundation of meek, nonquestioning obedience and computerlevel response generation in the targets personality and brain.Kudosdogotomydadthoughfornotrepeatingthemistakesofhis father, and his grandfather before him, who were both psychotically physically abusive. My great grandfather kicked the shit out of my grandfather,whointurnkickedtheshitoutofmydad.Mydadinherited theirsamehellacioustemperbutrefrainedfromphysicalabusewithmy brother and I. That was one thing he most definitely was conscious and awareabout. Iusedtothinkwaybackwhenthatmyparentsjustwantedmetobe smartanddowellbutwithwhatInowknowaboutmysituation,and with a bigger perspective on theirs, I no longer believe that. Normal parents just dont behave the way that they did, and normal parents wouldntwanttheirkidtobethewaythatIturnedout.Notunlessyouve gotsomethingreallyfunnygoingon.AndifIcanevensuspectthatIwas being taken, by humans or otherwise, then of course my parents would have been too. The entire family was being worked over, which reallydoeshelptoexplainwhytherewassomuchweirdness. Ioftenlookbackonallofitandwonderwhatwouldhavehappened had I decided to rebel and not perform like their meek little robot. Justrefused. Basically, be the way my brother Joe was. That was just inconceivablethough.Thethoughtneverevencrossedmymind,suchwas thelevelofcontrolIwasunderwiththecompleteinabilitytoeventhink formyselfabouttheideaofrebellinginANYsortofway.Lotoffear. So yeah, the childhood thing was a weird situation all around. Cold, detached, negative and unhappy family, isolated and oppressive, then leavetogotoschoolandbebulliedatthebusstopandduringtheentire busridetoschool,gettoschoolandbethebrainiacnerdgirlwhostoodout like a sore thumb, get bullied all the way home again, then back to the weirdfamily.Getupthenextday.Repeat.Fornineyears. Thentheresthesituationwithmymom,whoisawholestoryinitself. ThefollowingstuffthatIrelayisnotsaidinaoh,feelsorryforme!sort of way. Rather, its because something really strange was going on that was above and beyond normal family dynamics, and for that reason I relaythisforotherswhomayhavegonethroughsomethingsimilar.Often times, people have stuff working through them, being manipulated to say and do destructive things to the abduction/mind control target in order to shape and steer where they wind up in life. So who knows, maybe they really were telling the truth when they told my brother that they manipulated events in our livesjust to see what wed do.
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Again, I really am beginning to wonder about the blueprint concept mentioned earlier in this book, because sometimes these events were so outlandish and exaggerated that they seriously dont even seem real. I know that the events Im about to relay directly shaped my brother to become who he became in life, and it seriously derailed me in life. So I dontbelieveanyofitwasarandomaccident. My mom was basically a walking and talking empty shell with big empty eyes, being piloted by who knows what. Her emotional maturity was on par with a child, and her intellect wasnt that far behind. It was oftentimeslikedealingwithahostile,unstablechildtrappedinthebody of an adult. Someone whose empathy was not developed and who believedtheworldrevolvedaroundherandshewasentitledtowhatever she demanded, with whims that often changed day to day, sometimes hour to hour or even one minute to the next lacking reason and rationale. She couldnt be argued with, and to do so wasa conversation that went in fifty different directions leaving me drained of energy and exhausted. She threw temper tantrums and had emotional breakdowns overthesilliestthings.AsanadultIcameacrossanarticlecalledNow WeAreSix,talkingaboutNarcissisticPersonalityDisorder(NPD),and whileIdontnormallygivemuchcredencetoofficialpsychologicallabels and the whole DSM IV manual, I have to say that this article was the closestthingIveseenthatpegsmymomspersonalitytoaT.
Having a narcissist for a mother is a lot like living under the supervisionofasixyearold.Narcissistsarealwayspretending,and withanarcissisticmotheritsalotlike,Letsplayhouse.Illpretend tothebethemotherandyoupretendtothebethebaby,though,as thebaby,youllbeexpectedtoactlikeadoll(keepsmiling,nomatter what)andyoullbetreatedlikeadollasaninanimateobject,asatoy to be manipulated, dressed and undressed, walked around andhave wordsputinyourmouth;somethingthatcanbebrokenbutnothurt, somethingthatwillbedroppedandforgottenwhensomethingmore interestingcomesalong
AsIdiscovered,eventuallythechildsurpassestheparentinemotional developmentandahugegapwillform,leadingtorolereversal,wherethe child acts as the adult, and the adult acts like a tempermental spoiled child,unabletoprovideadequate,responsible,andsaneparenting. Somymomwasallthat,andthensome.Verycoldanddetached,she was completely hands off and NOT affectionate. There wasnt any of that happy, playful frolicking with our mom like you see with normal momswhointeractwiththeirkids,huggingthem,laughing,beingrelaxed
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and normal. Any questions I had I was pushed away I was bothering her,goaway.Spilledjuiceonthestairsatnineyearsold,andshehissed, enraged,Youlittlebitch!EveryweekendwhileDadworked,shedjust lie around in a depressed stupor, napping away half the day. She was trappedlikearat!assheputit,becauseweonlyhadonecar.(Moreside effects of living in a house that was above their means.) Its not like she was a monster all the time she could be pleasant. But her good moods were more or less just being in blank mode. There was always an emptinessgoingonbehindtheeyesandwords. We, like the family pets, were just background furniture that moved around.Andinhereyes,itwasannoyingfurniturethatshewishedwould justgoaway.TheslightestbitofnoisethatmybrotherandImadeupstairs whileshewasnappingandIdbebanishedtothebasementrecroom.(Joe could stay in his room.) But usually though I was just given written punishments. It seems there wasnt a weekend that went by where I wasnt given a written punishment for the smallest, most ridiculous infraction.WriteIwillnot______250times!Protest,thenitwasupped. 300 times! I will not ____ 400 times! 500 times! 1000 times! Joe didnt get those, which is good. But it was all VERY bizarro. Who does that? Joes immunity to the craziness didnt last forever though. He had trouble in school and struggled with academics, so by third grade found himself on the receiving end of athome tutoring sessions gone awry. Hoursofbeingforcedtositatthekitchentablewithbothmyparentstag teaming him in frustrationYeah cuz you know, THATS gonna help a kidlearnwhichalwaysresultedinJoeintears,unabletounderstandor perform what was expected of him. He had a learning disability, most likely dyslexia, as Joe later realized by high school. How can you learn math when the numbers keep changing? How can you read when the letters become a crazy blur? Yet this went undiagnosed, and then mistakenly labeled Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder by the public school system who was overzealously slapping this label on EVERYBODY back in the early 90s. It was THE fad label of choice. Joe wasaquietkidbynaturewhocouldntfocusonhisschoolworkbecause thelettersandnumberswereanissue.Notbecausehewashyperorhad attentionproblems.Me,beingwhoIam,quicklyrealizedwhatnoneof the adults around us seemed to be able to seeJoe was extremely intelligent, and had an audiographic memory, so if you read aloud to him while he kept himself busy playing with his toys, he then remembered EVERYTHING. You could quiz him to double check, and hed answer correctly every timeall the while, pushing his match box
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cars around and building with Legos. So Joe was a smart kid who was subjectedtoagonizingdistressovertheschoolissue. Ourmomhadnoempathyorloveforourpetseitherbutyetshefelt compelled to collect up various animals over the years anyway, for whateverreason.Theywereobjectstoher,notlivingbeings.Idonthave memories of our mom petting and playing with any of our animals or talkingtotheminaninteractiveway.WhatIvecometodiscoveroverthe past few years is that the subject of pets seems to be a big avenue of mayhemwithkids.Ithinksometimesitsspecificallyengineeredtohurt a kid, but I think overall our entire American society has been messed with in regards to how it views animals. People buy up animals like theyretoys,thengetboredwiththemanddisposeofthem,orworse,toss them aside and neglect them or flat out abuse them. Animals are just more material objects to gather up in this materialistic consumerbased society we live in, and that in itself might be by higher design. Condition everybody to lose empathy so that were more and more disconnected from life, and have an easier time hurting or even killing others. So for that reason I mention the following, in case it means something for anybody. But these pets were not treated well cats were declawed which means fingers hacked off down to the joints for those readerswhodontrealizewhatdeclawingactuallyentailsallinorderto sparehercheapanduglycompletelyworthlessfurniture.Mymomwaited until Isabel our tiger cat was three or four years old, then sprung this operationonher.IrememberIsabeljumpingintothebathtubtocoolher woundedpawsagainstthecoldtubandlookingatmewithamixofpain, emotional hurt and reproach. She wanted to know why, but I was only about eight years old. All I could do was stare back her, helplessly. Our pets were fed the crappiest cheapest food imaginable, which made them verysickandunhealthy.Wehadcatswalkingaroundobeseandwithear mites.Isabeltheaforementionedtigercatwasignoredzerointeraction. So as a result she had no personality. Our family dog Sheba, the female collie husky mix, had cancer and was wasting away before everybodys eyesandsmelledhorriblebutwasgivennoveterinariantreatment.After Sheba died when I was 13, our dad reluctantly took in a beagle/pointer mix from somebody who was trying to unload her. My mom named her Chelsea, but Chelsea had epilepsy and had been abused, so, she was damagedgoods.Soonshewasputtosleepmonthslater.Getridofit,itsa hassle.Dontbothereventryingtofindanotherhomeforher.Killher!Kill her!Thenourparentsboughttwodwarfbunniesfromthepetstorewho werekeptincages,sometimeseveninthewinteroutside,orelseputinthe very cold basement in their cages in the winterI mean, why bother
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having them at all?? They were supposedly given away before we moved,butwhoreallyknows. Purcy our white cat with blue eyes would periodically be tossed halfwaydownthebasementstairsintothecoldanddarkrecroomfor whateverreason.Mymomwouldjustsuddenlygetahairupherbuttthat he was bothering her, in the wayand he would be literally thrown downaflightofstairs,youcouldhearhimtumblingdown,sometimesto spendthenightsleepingonathinthrowrugonthecoldtilefloor,inthe dark, cold silence. My brother even mentioned this specific detail years later. Do you remember mom always throwing Purcy down the stairs? What was THAT all about?? And he imitated the sound of Purcy tumblingdownthesteps.Shedleavehimdownthereandhedcomeback tothetopstepandfranticallybepawingatthedoorknobtobeletbackin. When it was time to move to California, Purcy was put to sleep for beingtoooldandinthewayoncemore.Thenightbeforehewastobe putdownmymomwassmilingserenelywiththatblanklalalalookshe gets when shes being cuckoo. She wanted my brother and I to gather around Purcy and pet him and hang out with him one last timeyou know, before we kill him. Come, lets hang out with Purcy. Who DOES that? Joe, who was ten by that point, just looked at me like ooooh kaaaay Our mom was nuts, and we both knew it. Purcy meanwhile, whodespitehisnegligenttreatmentandbadhealthwasstillanextremely smartcat,andwasPISSED.AndIdomeanpissed.Idneverseenhimthat angryintheeightyearswehadhim,buthelaidthereglaringandwanted nothingtodowithanyofus.Heknew.Iwastherewhenmydadrounded Purcy up the next afternoon and shoved him into the pet carrier. Purcy wentfromstandingaroundinthelivingroomonesecond,obliviously,to beingscoopedupandstuffedintoacarrierthenextandhelooked up at me with such a look of alarmed terror, like he knew, this was it. Purcyseyeswenthugeandhelookedlikehewasmentallyscreamingfor metohelphim.Somuchexpressiononthatfaceinthatmoment,andallI could do was stand there and watch my dad take him. Kind of strange how that all played out, the way I just so happened to be standing right therewhenitallwentdown.MydadhatedPurcyhehatedallcatsand didnt disguise this fact, so I suspect he actually enjoyed doing this. He onlyreallyeverlikedShebathedog,so,hedidntcareonebitaboutitall. InsideIwasblank,numb.Ifeltnothing,becauseIcouldntfeelanything anymore by that point in life. But more on that in a bit too. Isabel had died of natural causes several years before Purcy was put down, but the circumstances were anything but natural. Isabel grew so crazy at being completely invisible and being locked inside all the time that she
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eventuallystartedfightingtobreakoutofthehouseateveryopportunity. Once outside something happened to cause her to contract chronic diarrhea, wasting away to skin and bones. Until eventually she died withinamatterofmonthsofgoingcrazy.Novettreatmentforhereither. Lateronmymompickedupanothercat,areallyprettylittleblackand white female with gold eyes whom she named Patches. Patches took to Purcyandwouldstickbyhim,cleaninghim,sincehewassosickandno longerbotheredtogroom,allthewhilelookingatusforlornly,(probably wonderingwhywewerenthelpinghim)andcurlinguptosleepspoons with him. But again, mom had nothing to do with Patches. Didnt pet her,pickheruporinteractwithherso,Idid.IdidwhatIcouldforall the animals and pretty much was the only one in the family interacting withthecatsinanyway,pettingthem,talkingtothem,tryingtoplaywith them.ButthefactwasIwasakid,soIwaslimitedinwhatIcoulddo bigdecisionsweremadebytheparents,ofwhichIhadnosayorpartin andsowhateverIdidwasntenough.Ivehaddreamsforyearsaboutthe pets,andespeciallyPurcy.Itstheonlythingleftthatstillhauntsme. I didnt write about the pets situation in the original versions of this bookbecauseatthetimeIwasnotuptoit.ButImdoingitnowbecause nothing so perfectly illustrates what I was surrounded by than this particular detail. It shows the level of detached, unaffected coldness and completelackofempathyandhumanitymymomhad,andmydadtooin manyways.Mymomhadnofeelings.Shetrulyfeltnothingforanything oranybody.(AsanadultIvenowhadmyowncatsince2000,aprettyall black female with gold/green eyes named Kitty whom I mention throughout this book. Shes a rescued stray that Id drawn to myself whenImentallyrequestedtohaveanallblackfemalekitten.Ivegoneout of my way to lavish her with attention and love, always talking to her, teaching her words, and interacting with her. Shes very spoiled. ;) Still hasherclaws,isfedthebestfoodanddoesnothavehealthailmentsand if she did, they wouldnt go ignored. But as a result, she has THE best personality Ive ever seen in a cat. I realized a bit ago that I have this tendencytoalwayssayIseeyou!whenshewalksintotheroomorstarts talkingtomyboyfriendandIandIstoppedandthoughtaboutthat,and realized its like this weird psychological holdover from years of being aroundpetsthatwereignoredandverymuchNOTseen.ItsalwaysIsee you!Iseeyou!tomycat.) Departingfromthesubjectofthepetsmymomalsodidnthaveany friends or real hobbiesand didnt want my dad having friends either, which translates to her being very out of touch with whats normal and what isnt and how to interact with people. Being out in public with her
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wasusuallyawkwardandembarrassing.Shejustdidnttalkoractlikea realperson,andIwasveryconsciousofthestrangelooksshewouldget from sales clerks and so on. I have recollections of actually intervening sometimestoreexplaintoherwhatsalesclerksweresayingbecauseshe would behave like an airhead, not getting what was being said, perpetuating misunderstandings and just being a weirdo, off in her own littleworld. IcansafelysaythatwhenIwasyoungtheonlythingthatensuredthat I turned out even halfway normal and okay in life was my dad, who wasasaffectionateashecouldbestern,andwhoalwaystookthetimeto teachmethingsandshowmetheworld.Iknewhelovedmeandthathe cared, and never had to doubt it. He was real. But as I got older, about nine,tenandbeyond,eventhatwascutoffasmymomforbademydad from beingwarm and chummy with me anymore, and would make him feel like a pervert molester for even giving me a good night hug or something.Shedshoothimsharplooksifhesomuchaswentnearme. That was her deal though sharp looks. Very cold, controlling, and always projecting dirty perversion onto everybody. The time my brother and I were having a pillow fight on the pull out sofa that my mom had beensleepingonwasmetwithalow,butalarmedandhystericalhissto get off the couch. Why? That question was met with a long, hard crazy look.YouandhimALONEonaBED?sheglaredatme,hermouth twisting. My brother and I just stared back, dumbfounded. Joe was only nineyearsold.Thatthoughthadntcrossedeitherofourminds. As mentioned in Part II, my mom and I had never gotten along, datingbacktowhenIwaslittle.ButitreallykickedinwhenIwas15and theyweregoingthroughtheirdivorce.AtthatpointIbecameherverbal punchingbag.Myparentsweregoingthroughtheirneverending,drawn out divorce from hell for all of 9 and 10 grades. A very unusual situation. Most people file for divorce and get the hell away from each other, and get the divorce done ASAP so they can move on. Not my parents.Theydraggeditoutforafulltwoyears.Neitherhadanymoney, soDadcouldntmoveout,andnowhewasbanishedtosleepwhere?The basement,ofcourse,mymomsfavoriteplacetobanishanythingthatwas intheway.Sohewassleepingintheworkroom/furnaceroomattachedto therecroom.Meanwhile,theyretryingtosellathreebedroom,threebath houseonaculdesacwithahalfacreoflandsurroundedbywoodsinthe heightofthe199091recession.Nobodywantedtobuy,notevenahouse likethat,whichfurtherdraggedouttheentiresituation. During the summer of 90 my mom and I were fighting pretty every
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daywhileDadwasatworkOFcourse,shedwaittilhewasntaround so thered be no witnesses to her tirades. Nasty fights, 99% of which I dont even remember anymore. Being that I looked just like my dad and he and I had gotten along relatively well meantallthe hate thatshe had towardshimgottranslatedovertome.SoifhewasntaroundthenIwas thetarget.Thefightsnevermadesense,goinginpointlessfeedingfrenzy circles, her ranting and raving, face twisted, tossing out personal insults, evenchasingmethroughthehousedowntwoflightsofstairsonetimeout the basement and into the backyard. I was walking around blank and numb and just felt nothing anymore by this point. An incident that perfectly illustrates this numbed stupor: One night at dinner I had apparentlygottenuptogogetthelittlejarofcrushedredpepperfromthe spicecabinettosprinkleonmyfoodbutIdidntevenrealizeIwasdoing this. I was completely covering everything in red pepper while both my parentsmeanwhile,stoppedeatingandwerejustwatchingme.Finallymy mom decided to cut in through the disassociative fog I was in and say somethingtotheeffectof, Youvebeenputtingpepperonyourfoodeverynight I looked up from what I was doing, saying huh? It was like I was comingto,likeIdliterallybeenoutofit,blankedout,somewhereelse.I hadnoideaIdbeendoingthis,Iwasntconsciousatall.Ilookedoverat my dad who was also just staring at me, and Joe too, and then looked down at my plate and the crushed pepper jar in my hand. Then I remembered how Id just gotten up and walked to the cabinet like a zombie.Wowwasthatme?? And if they hadnt abruptly yanked me out of my fog during this particularinstance,thenImaybeneverwouldhavebecomeawareofmy new peculiar habit. In retrospect, dowsing everything in fiery pepper was probably my subconscious attempt to cause some sort of something that I would feel. I wasnt feeling anything anymore and nothing was registering.Sowhiletheredpeppertechniquemayhaveworkedatfirst, apparentlyIwasnowjusttuningthatouttoo. AfterthehousefinallysoldandmymomgotmybrotherandIoutto California in the summer of 1991, when I was 16, it became all out craziness on a near daily basis. Theres so much story about this entire time period of my life, ages 16 18 that it could be a book in itself. Transferring from semirural eastern Connecticut to Orange County, Californiaand in the middle of high school, no less. After a divorce. Whilelivingwithanabusive,unstablemother.Imean,youknowwhere does one even start? ;) Its just way too much storyfor the constraints of thisbook.Illhavetoskipallbutthemostrelevantstuffconcerninghow
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mymomwas,tostayonpoint. Forstarters,IhavetosaythatIwasECSTATICtobelivinginSoCal. It was my dream from the second my mom told us back in Connecticut that thats where we were moving, and during the two years we waited forthehousetosell,itwasmyobsession.California,California,California. So I definitely wanted to be there, however, for most of 11 grade I was basically like a zombie. That didnt change upon arriving in California. You cant erase nine years of what felt like being in a psychological war zone miraculously overnight. So I was a zombie, but yet I was still neurotically perfectionistic and responsible. I wasnt one of those kids runningaroundgettingintotrouble. However, the school year started out with my mom deciding to put meintoapsychhospitalonOctober30,1991.Butthewholethingstarted severaldaysbeforewhenshewastellingmeonenightthatmygrandma, her mom, had talked about feeling suicidal sometimes. I listened and nodded, responding that Yeah, I can understand that. I sometimes feel that way. Shrug. My mom became immediately alarmed and bug eyed. Not putting two and two together that the reason for these thoughts of minewerebecauseofher.Andtruthfully,Iwasntanywhereclosetoeven tryingsuicide.WewereinCalifornianow.Therewashope,allIhadtodo was hang in there long enough to get away from herwhich I knew WOULD happen. So I was speaking more of my mentality in the recent past. However, she phoned up the now defunct Charter Hospital in MissionViejo,whoeagerlyawaitedhavinganewpatientandthe$$$$it brings in. They began working on my mom to have me checked in. She didnt do it right away though. The tipping point came though when I dyed my hair blonde anyway after she told me I wasnt allowed to, and then,tookthedayoffschooltogoonajobrelatedfieldtripwhichshehad alreadytoldmeIcouldgoonbutwhichshechangedhermindabout atthelastsecond.ShewaiteduntilthemorningIwassettogoandthen says to me with a sly smirk, No. Ive changed my mind. Ive decided I dontwantyoutogo.Shewasnotoriousforgameplayingandfortaking thingsbackthatshehadgiven,orchanginghermindaboutsomethingshe said you could do. It was a power trip for her, and she did it simply becauseshecould.Wewentbackandforthaboutit,butsheheldfirmwith thatsmirk. Iglaredather,leftthehouse,andshowedupforworktoleaveforthe field trip anyway. When my mom point blank asked me that night whetherIwenttoschool,Ididntlie.Allshehadtodowascalltofindout anyway.No,Ididnt.Iwentonthetrip.
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Well,thatdidit.SherangupCharterHospital,whourgentlytoldmy momthatIwasatickingtimebombbecauseIwasdefyingherinsuch ways. !! Charter Hospital ($$$$$$$$$$) here I come. Only in American whitesuburbiacanyoufindpeoplesocompletelyoutoftouchwithreality and whats truly a serious situation and what isnt. Ticking time bombfor dying hair? And going on a workrelated field trip? Considering that my moms childhood was partially spent in Brooklyn, NewYork,whereshefoundherselfhavingtododgethePuertoRicangirl gangs roaming the streets swinging chains and wielding razorblades, youdthinkshedhavehadabitofbetterperspective.Furtherprovesto meshewasntreal. Charterformewoundupbeingathreeweekvacationawayfrommy mom,theresnootherwaytoputit,andbytheendIdidntwanttoleave and was asking to stay. Despite sounding like something awful, there actually was nothing negative about my time there. All of us the teens werekeptonthesecondflooradolescentwing,andIhadmyownroom, whichwasunusual,asmostpeoplehadtoroommatewithothers.Iwasnt putonmedsoranythingcrazylikethat,andwebasicallyjustsataround eatingalotoficecreambarsintheTVroom,watchingTVandlisteningto CDs,goingtodifferentgroupsandclasses,hangingoutinourroomsand doinghomeworkthatwasbroughttousfromourschools.Iactuallyspent my17thbirthdayatCharter.Otherkidswereinthereforeatingdisorders, violentbehavior,drugs,actualsuicideattemptsandsoon.Ididntknow whyIwasinthereandneitherdidtheotherkidsandthecounselors anddoctorsassigned tome. A few of the kids even asked me,Why are youhere?Youactsonormal.Ididntknow.Butitwasfun!Mymomon theotherhandwasactinglikeanuteverytimeshewouldvisit,carrying onatthenursesstation,beingrudetothedoctorsandmakingscenes.It becamesobadshewasactuallybanned,andnolongerallowedtovisit (!!)whichIwasveryhappyabout. Bytheendofmyfirstweekthere,thepsychiatristassignedtomycase cameintomyroom,satdownfacetofacewithme,andcalmlyexplained thatshewasdroppingmycaseandgivingittoacolleague.Becauseofmy mom. She went on to explain that it wasnt anything to do with me, but she couldnt and wouldnt deal with my mother anymore. Your motheristheonewhoshouldbeinhere,notyou. To hear those words was a godsend. I will never forget them. Seventeen years old and I was finally, FINALLY hearing from trained professionals what Id always known myself but was never getting back up on. My mother was crazy. Thank you. Another doctor, who was a superniceguy,toldmethathedlovetoseehowIcouldbeifonlyIcould
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getawayfrommymom. Everybodythereknew.Soyeah,bytheendof thethreeweeksIdidntwanttoleave.ButleaveIhadto,backtothereal world. And whats funny is that not long after getting back home, my mom was flipping out one night having another one of her emotional breakdowns,andsherantedthatshewasgoingtokillherselfifsheever hadtogoonwelfare.(?!?!)ButIstoodthere,dumbfounded,thenpointed out the fact that her whole excuse for sticking me in Charter was for me saying that I could understand why my grandma sometimes feels suicidalandnowshesthreateningsuicidetome?!! Thatwasoneoftheraretimessheshutrightup! Once back in school it was like I was mentally underwater for my entire11 gradeyear.Ididntpayattentiontoanythinghappeningaround meatschool.WasgettingCs,DsandFstowhereIhadtoswitchhalfof myclassestoalowerlevelforthesecondsemesterifIevenhopedtopass. Kept to myself, didnt participate in class, and didnt really attempt to makefriends.MyteachersliterallysoundedmuffledandfarawayasIsat thereatmydesk,headinmyhands,doodlingonmynotebooks,andthe world in general was separated from me by a figurative fog. The only thing that prevented me from completely going under was my friend ShirleyfromIsrael,whosoughtmeoutandlatchedontomeliketherewas no tomorrow, and pulled me out of my shell. If it wasnt for her, who knowswhatwouldhavehappenedtome.ThereweretimeswhereIdidnt talktoanybodyuntilafterlunchtime,duetowhatwasgoingonathome withmymom.SoIdgettoschoolandjustdriftalonginthatsilentdaze. Shirley was patient though and rode out those quirks. ;) She knew from mystoriesthatmymomwasascrewball.Soshedcarrytheconversation, doingallthetalking.ButShirleyisalsooneofthosewholestorywithin itselfsituations,inagoodwaythough.Veryinterestingstuff. (onasidenote,Ididhaveafterschooljobsthoughasalreadyevident, atrestaurants,andthatwastrulytheonlytimeIfeltalive.Ilovedworking didntalwayslovethepeopleIwasdealingwithbutworkitselfwas good.) Then there was my moms personality flip flopping issues. She could and often did change at the drop of a hat, doing 180s in personality for no logical reason. We never knew which mom was goingtowalkthroughthefrontdoorfromschoolorworkeveryafternoon. Was it going to be manic hyper mom talking a mile a minute? Or mom withthethundercloudoverherheadlookingtopickafight?Sometimes shedstartouthyperandhappyandthenjustchangewithinseconds.So wejustneverknew.Icouldntgettooclose,becauseIcouldnttrusther,
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and so all my emotional walls were up whenever dealing with her. Tensely bracing myself for the inevitable change that would descend out ofnowhere. As far as her mom duties were concerned, it was near nonexistent. She was no longer taking care of my brother properly like buying him clothesandschoolsupplies,orfeedinghimthewayheshouldhavebeen fed.Infact,shebecamequitefondofthegameswithfoodthingwithJoe from what he later told me. She was also taking my dads child support check and spending it on herself for clothes, jewelry, knick knacks and perfume, then sometimesmake me give her my money from my various $4.50 an hour jobs so she could pay the rent and bills. I eventually took over caring for my brother wherever I could buying him clothes, toys, sometimes food, helping him with his homework because she actually wasntabletounderstand5thand6thgradelevelwork.Sojustfillinginfor whateverheneeded.Weweremorelikemomandsonversusbrotherand sister. Mymomwouldalsohavethislistofthingsshewouldexpectmetodo aroundthehousebasically,Iwastheonecompletelycleaningthehouse forher.Andthefirstthingsheddoeveryafternoonwaschargethrough the front door in her quick robotic stride, purse strap still over her shoulder, her face fixed and intensely bug eyed, and begin her walk around the house, inspecting everything. Rubbing her finger over things looking for dust, making sure the furniture was perfectly straight and in proper place, the newspaper put away neatly in the newspaper basket, puttingherhandontopoftheTVtoseeifitwaswarmandmaybebust us in the act of having watched TV when we werent supposed to, makingsureeverydishwaswashed,thekitchentable,counterandstove tops immaculate, chairs pushed in. I still remember the checklist. If evenonethingwasoutoforderlikethetimetherewasthelonebutter knifeleftinthesinkbecauseIdfixedmyselfatoasterbagelthenshed just flip out. Many people might think that seems over the top, flipping outoveronebutterknife.Itcantbetrue,whowouldbethatway?Well, welcome to the world ofmy mom petty, and totally batshit crazy with the emotional maturity of a spoiled child. She had no sense of what was reasonableandnormal.Noconceptofwhatotherteensarelike,sodespite thefactthatIwasliterallybeingtheperfectkid,shedidntknowenough to recognize it. The more I did for her, the more she demanded. More, more, MORE. Upping the ante, raising the bar, like spoiled royalty that canneverbepleased. ThisisallclassicNPDmotheringthough,asmentionedearlier.The rolesbecomereversedasthekidssurpasstheparentintermsofemotional
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maturity.Couldasixyearoldadequatelylookafterthemselves,andtwo others, acting in an emotionally mature and reasonable manner, making sure everybody is properly fed with medical needs met, the house clean and bills and rent paid on time, managing money in a responsible manner?No.Andneithercouldshe. Another important thing to note was that our mom was always carryingonaboutsomething.Thereweretoomanynightswhenshedgo on her psycho rampages and force my brother and I to sit on the couch and listen to her scream and yell at us, cussing and calling us names, threateningthatifwetalkedbackifwedefendedourselvesorsomuch asevensaidawordwhileshewasgoingatitthenshewouldroundup our belongings in trash bags, throw them on the front lawn, and put us both on the next plane back to Connecticut. That was her speech. We heard it every single time, like a script, and she knew it would work. BlackmailmewithbeingsentbacktoloathedConnecticutwhenIwasso close to personal freedom there in California. So wed have to sit there, literally,forhours,assherantedandravedatus.Joewasin5 ,6 gradeat thetimeandgettingtobedat1a.m.sometimesbecauseofthis.Hedjust have this far off, dazed look about him as she was doing her thing, and woulddriftupstairstohisroomwhenshewasdone,seeminglyunfazed byitall.Butofcourse,thatwasntthecase.Itwasdefinitelytakingitstoll onhim.Othertimesitwastellingmehowmuchshehatedmeandhow If I could go back and do it all over again I wouldnt have you or your brother! Or shed make sure we knew all the time how much of an inconvenience we were in general. Shed do this with her breathy hiss yelling, like if we needed to go to the doctor or something. Being sick wasnt a cause for concernit was something to become inconvenienced andangryabout. WhatalwayskillsmethoughwhenIthinkbackonitwasthetimeJoe andIwereplayingaroundupstairs,laughing,havingagoodtime,chasing each other around, just being silly, and my mom burst into his room, standinginhisdoorway,lookingbackandforthatus.Iwasononeside of his room and he was ducking into his closet. He glanced back at her glaringathim,andthenshehissed,Youasshole. Watchinghisfacefallwaslikeapunchinthegut.NothingIcoulddo orsaycoulderasehersayingthat,andfornoapparentreason.Heddone nothingtodeservethat. Other times shed (reluctantly) pick me up from my evening restauranthostessingjobandpickfightswithmeassoonasIsatdownin thefrontseat.Idvownottosayanythingback,inhopesthatshewould
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give up, and also because well you know, shes driving the car after all. Bothofourlivesareonthelinehere.Butmysilencewouldinfuriateher more.Soonshedbereachingoutandslammingmyheadintothewindow and grappling to hit me in the face while she drove, yelling at me and insultingme.Still,Iwouldntsayanything,becauseshewasdriving.Ina way it seems like manipulation to get me to reactand thus cause some kindoflifethreateningcaraccidentorsomething. DuringthistimeperiodIdevelopedhorribleissueswithsorethroats. Mythroatwouldfeellikeitwasslicedopenandraw,eventhoughthere wasnothingelsewrongwithme.Tripstothedocwouldrevealaswollen and purple/red throat, with no explicable reason for it. Its quite obvious now what was going on: severe psychosomatic reaction to not being allowedtoverballyexpressordefendmyselfandalwayskeepingquiet toeverybodyaboutwhatwashappeningathome. ThencamethenightIactuallyfinallyflippedoutonher.Thebreaking point.ItcameaboutbecauseIwasbackedintothecornerofthekitchen counterwithherscreamingatme,onlyinchesfrommyface,hertwisted face right up in mine, hysterically trying to get a reaction from me and desperate to feed. I stood there, with the most passive, blank, far away look, continually glancing down at my fingernails, appearing bored. I wasnt going to give her what she wanted. And each time I did this I would be hit in the face/head area, and hear more screaming. Yell yell yell,glanceatmynails,WHAM!Yellyellyell,lookofftotheside,bored, WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! ThenI just snapped. One second I was standing there, apathetic and blank. The next, I reached around to the butcher block on the counter top behind me, and before she even knew what was happening, one of the carving knives was sliding out of the blockandIwaslettingoutaprimalyellofrage.Just,flipped,out.With the knife in hand I went after her, raging. She screamed, surprised, and tookoff,withmechasingherroundandroundthekitchentableuntilshe gotthepoint.TheweirdpartwashowwhenIdecidedIwasdoneandit wasover,shejustcalmeddownandgotherblank,passive,almostsmiley dazedlookonherface.Iputtheknifedownandmusthavegoneofftomy room, I dont remember, and she never said a word about it. We never discussed it, in fact it was like it never happenedso much so that I blankedouttheincidentcompletelyfrommymind.Ididntrememberit untilafulltwoyearslater,whenattheageof20Iwastalkingtomyfriend Gary on the phone and listened as he relayed a similar story about his mom cornering him in the bathroomscreaming in his face, and him flippingout,rippingthetowelrackoffthewallandchasingherdownthe hall with that primal yell of rage. As I listened to this, the foggy, murky
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memoryofmeexperiencingsomethingsimilarbegansurfacing.Bitbybit it bubbled upI think that happened to mewowI think.I was chasingmymomaroundthekitchenIthinkIpulledaKNIFEonher!I wasgoingtostabherwow!ButIcouldntbesure.Thememorydidnt want to fully come out, and so I had to call my dad back in Connecticut thenextdayandaskhim.Daddoyoueverrememberhearinganything about me pulling a knife on mom one night and chasing her around, tryingtostabher?Didsheevermentionsomethinglikethattoyou? Oh yeah, yeah, I remember that. I got the phone call after that happened,hesaidnonchalantly,likerememberingaregularolevent.He totallyremembereditoffthetopofhisheadlikeitwasnothing.Ipulleda knife on my mom and nobody ever mentions this again?? But once he confirmeditthenthememoryfullyemerged,andIremembereditlikeit wasyesterday. BackbeforeJoeandIknewanythingabouttheweird,wecalledour mother MomBot. As in, Mom Robot. Kind of funny in retrospect. And probably closer to the truth than we realized. So MomBot wound up movinginwiththeguyfromthreehousesdownnamedRayinMarchof 1993,afteronlydatingforfourmonths,andhewasjustasbadasshewas. Emptyeyes,andonlytwopersonalitymodesblank,orquietlyseething with rage. Tell me THAT wasnt orchestrated. ;) I mean, come on now. Neither one of them had a sense of humor and were always so serious with stony faces and crazy eyes. A match made in heaven. Ray also had that authoritarian moustache thing going on. Many guys with authoritarian/controlissuesingeneralhavethesamestylemoustacheRay had. He had two little ones Stephen, age 11, who was in my brothers class,andAmanda,age7.Theywerethenicestkids,reallycute,andIfelt bad for them. But now we had two mentally unstable robots with no personality and empty eyes in control of us four kids, and all crammed underonetoosmallroof. Another thing is that usually after those previously mentioned crazy rides home from work when my mom would be knocking me around whiledriving,shewouldhissatmewhileparkingingarage,Dontyou DARE say anything to Ray about this! God forbid her new boyfriend shoulddiscoverhertrueselfthatshewastryingsohardtokeephidden.;) Just proves that she was well aware that her behavior was wrong and crazy. Ray wasted no time in trying to establish himself as our new father figure, but he soon learned the hard way though that there was no controlling my brother. The night when Joe apparently put the pots and pansawayinamessyway,RaygrabbedJoebythecollar,draggedhim
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upstairsanddroppedhimdowninfrontofthetoilet,commandinghimto scrubthetoiletoutwithhistoothbrush.Stephenwouldhavedoneit.Not Joe.SowhenRaydidhisusualchallengetogooutinthebackyardand fight him that was Rays schtick you could say Joe was like, SureLETS GO. Ray backed down. All talk, all bluff. Ray was a bully. Hewasthisscrawnylittle57orsoguywithpastypaleskinandaheart problem that required daily meds. The only people he could conceivably fight in life were 11 and 12 year olds. So, thats who he bullied. I was at workwhenthishappened,andonlyheardaboutitfromthekidsafterthe fact.HadIbeenthereitwouldhavegottenugly.JoeandIwereextremely close,andIwastakingcareofhimatthatpointasifhewasmyownkid, and I would never have tolerated that. Joe never took anybodys shit thoughandhadzerorespectforthisneighborwhowassuddenlybrought intohislifetobehisnewdad.Totalrejection. AtthispointinthegameJoehadturnedintoacompletedelinquent. No surprise there. He spent 5 and 6 grade in SoCal shoplifting music tapes,food,candy,clothes,andwhateverelsehefeltlike,ditchingschool, lightingfiresandotherdestructivethings,smokingcigsandpot,drinking, jumping out his second story bedroom window and taking off in the middle of the night, getting detention, suspension, and even arrested for somethingwhenhewastwelve,Idontrememberwhat.Byhislateteens, after he got out of jailin Connecticut, hed graduated to hardcore drugs, stealing cars for chop shops, committing burglaries, and just all around mayhem. IwoundupbeingkickedoutofthehousebyRayinMayof1993, two months after he moved into our house, and six weeks before graduation.IwastoldthatIhadaweektofindanewplacetolive.My mom was loving it, and strongly encouraged me to just go ahead and dropoutofschool,becausetherewasobviouslynowayIwasgoingtobe abletosucceedinbeingonmyownANDfinishschool.Imean,obviously, youknow.Asmyweeksnoticeranoutmythenboyfriendsmom(well callhimKevin)allofasuddencameforwardandsaidIcouldcomestay intheirguestroomintheirhouse. Iwasquitehappythoughtofinallybegettingout.Thiswasnotabad thing in my eyes. Stressful, yes, being that I had absolutely no money savedandnocarbutnotabadthingatall.Idtriedendlesslytofinda wayoutoverthepasttwoyears,sincemovingtoCalifornia...evenbefore that while back in Connecticut. But I never had enough money or the means.Sothiswasmyopportunity. Moving daywas a riot though. Since I was givena week to find a
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newplacetolive,mymomfullyexpectedthatIdbemovingoutexactly one week laterand anticipated being there, to dominate over me, and overall just be able to gloat and rub things in and try to make me feel shitty. So I of course moved out six days latera day early. She suspectedsomethingwasupthoughandthedaybeforeIleft,sheglared at me and hissed, You better not pull a fast one and move out early! ?!?!?!ItwasntenoughthatIwasbeingkickedoutshewantedtodictate exactlywhenIleft,tomakesuretobethereandpresideoveritall.Soon thesixthdayIleftforschoollikenormal.Theplanwastosidetrackover to Taco Bell to wait for my mom to leave for work, then return with Kevin to move my stuff, using his dads pick up truck that he was borrowing for the day. Joe was a bit frantic as I was leaving, wanting to knowwhatmyplansweresohecouldmeetupwithmeandhelpoutand bethere.WehadawhisperedconversationandItoldhimTacoBell.Joe grinnedandsaidhedbethere.Heheadedofftothebusstoplikenormal, thendetouredtoTacoBell.AsIstoodthereorderingmybreakfastburrito, thefrontdooropenedandinchargesmytwelveyearoldbrother,grinning ahugegrin.Itfeltgoodtoseehim,verycomforting.Wewerebuds,joined atthehipinlife. After Kevin got there we returned back home. Mom was gone. Free forall!Hahaha!Andsothethreeofusspenthalfthedaymovingmystuff overtoKevins,withJoealongfortheride. Inbetweentrips,JoeandItookgreatjoyincombingthroughmoms foodandhelpingourselvestoallthethingsshenormallywouldntletus eat,thejarswithblackmarkerlinesonthesidetokeeptrackofthelevels, andsoon.Weraidedthecabinetsandfridge.Goodtimes.;)Butallgood thingscometoanend,andeventuallyitwastimetodrivebacktoKevins houseforthefinaltime.IhadtoleaveJoebehind,tostayinthathouseof hell. As we were driving up the street he ran out into the road, half chasing us, then stopped in the middle of the road, looking lost and deflated.Illneverforgethowthatlooked.ItriednottocryasIsawhim standingthere,wantingtocomewithme.Itwasoneoftheworstmoments ofmylife.TherewasnothingIcoulddoaboutanyofit. After being kicked out, Joe and I made arrangements a couple of times to meet up in the middle of thenight and hang out, since I wasnt allowed to visit home anymore and see him. Hed jump out his second story window at like 9 or 10 p.m., and take off for Portola Plaza, where KevinandIwouldmeetupwithhim. With regards to school, I was this close to following through with dropping out, and had mentioned it to Kevin as well as the Vice PrincipalssecretaryduringsecondperiodwhenIworkedasanassistant
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in the office. That set into motion a chain of events. For starters, Kevin flippedoutattheidea,andgavemeapeptalkthattothisdaystillblows me away with his uncanny insight You CANT drop out!! Dont you seethen shell win!! Then shell finally be able to say that she beat you andthatshesbetterthanyou!Hewasreferringtomymomsnotorious insecurity about the fact that Id been better than her in my school performance and overall personality and life in general. But how he, a sixteenseventeenyearoldguy,understoodthatorgotitisstillbeyond me. Anyway, then the VPs secretary ran to the principal and told him whatwasgoingonwithme,andhecalledmeoutofclasstohaveatalk. Heproceededtogivemethepeptalk,pointingoutthatIvebeeninschool sincewhat,fiveyearsold?Onlytodropoutweeksbeforemakingittothe finish line? He reassured me that theyd work with me to make sure I finished,whateverittook.Itoldhimthatwell,IhaveajobthatIhaveto betoat12:30p.m.everyday.ButIhavefifthperiodwordprocessingthat IvehadtostartditchingsoIcouldgotowork. He allowed me to drop fifth period, not a problem, and the attitude was,Gotoyourjob,makeyourmoney,dowhatyouhavetodo.Takeonly four classes, well okay it, and you can still graduate. He also overlooked the fact that I was now living in El Toro and no longer withintheMissionViejoschooldistrict.Forgetitpretendwedontknow ;)wastheattitude. It was a weird, but cool thing, the way everybody came out of the woodworktohelpmewithoutmehavingtoaskduringthattimeperiod. FromPete,thebusdriverofthenownonexistent92buslinewhooffered without me ever asking to wait around the extra five minutes so I wouldntmissmytransferandcouldthereforegetto7a.m.classontime, totheprincipalallowingmetodropfifthperiodsoIcouldworkandearn mymoney,toKevinsmomgivingmeaplacetostay.Illneverforgetany ofit.AndIdidgraduate. Soon after graduating, I began combing through the Pennysaver lookingforroomsforrentbecauseIcouldntliveinKevinsparentshouse forever. But nobody would rent to me once they learned I was only 18. However, right then, the woman whod been renting the guesthouse in Kevins backyard for almost ten years (named Beverly) chose that exact timetogetmarriedandmoveout.Thislefttheguesthousewideopenfor rent.SoKevinsparentsofferedituptomefor$375amonth,andIsegued rightonin.Quiteserendipitous.ButnevermindthefactthatIonlymade exactly$400amonth,leaving$25forfoodandsupplies.Food?Whoneeds food?;) There were days on end during the summer of 93 where Id eat
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nothing but a pack of 40 cent Twizzlers from Longs Drug and a 64 cent smallrefillablePepsifromTacoBell,orelseone85centchickensofttaco and a Pespi. Then go home and eat some mayonnaise out of the jar or somethingfordinner,sincethatwassometimesallIhad.Thiswentonall summer long. Soon my hair was falling out, I had diarrhea, was peeing mass amounts of clear liquid not sure what thats all about or what it meansandwhenpeoplewouldbetalkingtomeatworkIcouldseetheir mouths moving, but I couldnt hear the audio until several seconds after the fact. Id just stare at them, my mouth hanging slightly open, eyes glazedover,watchingtheirmouthsmovebutunabletohearanything.Id neverexperiencedanythinglikethatinmylife.Mybodywasfallingapart. Duringthespring/summerof1993asongthatwasallovertheradio was Duran Durans Ordinary World. I heard it so many times, and I alwaysfoundthelyricssofitting:
WhereisthelifethatIrecognize? Goneaway ButIwontcryforyesterday Theresanordinaryworld SomehowIhavetofind AndasItrytomakemyway Totheordinaryworld Iwilllearntosurvive
Everyworld,ismyworld (Iwilllearntosurvive) Anyworld,ismyworld (Iwilllearntosurvive)
Sounds cheesy but hearing I will learn to survive all the time in that song kind of did have its effect. Although in truth, the life that I recognize was gone away at age seven in 1982 when we moved to Connecticut.Thatsreallywhenitended.Anyway,bythefalltime,Idhad enoughofstarvingandscoopedupthreejobs,working85hoursaweek. 40 hours a week as a hotel front desk clerk during the day, 30 hours a week waitressing in the evenings; and 15 hours a week as a hostess for another restaurant. All three jobs were within a mile square radius of where I lived near the intersection of Rockfield Boulevard and El Toro Road, in El Toro, so I could just walk from one to the next to the next. I slept only four to five hours a night maxbut hey, I wasnt starving anymore!:DByApril1994,aftersevenmonthsofworkingnonstopcrazy hoursandwalkingeverywhere,Ihadfivethousandsaved,andmosiedon
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over to the Nissan dealershipand then drove off with a newused 93 Nissan Sentra XE thanks to my dad agreeing to cosign for me via fax. Freedom!! MomnRaycamebackintomylifethough,believeitornot.Mymom rang meup on the phone in tearsin July whenRay temporarily left her. Shebeggedmetogovisither...andIdid.Itriedtomakeitwork,andgave it another shot. It was a bittensebut there was an attempt. Ray eventuallycamebacktomymom,anditwasbacktoheroldcontrolling, abusive,crazypersonalityflipfloppingways. LaterinJulymybrotherranawaybecauseMomnRaywerelocking himinhisroomwithalarmsonthedoor.Raysidea.Ofcourse.SoIwas also trying to negotiate my way around that situation because the cops wereinvolved,andIwastheoneJoecalledwhenhetookoff. In early August, Mom n Ray moved into a new (rented) house togetherinFoothillRanch,oneofthosepinkstuccotiledroofcookiecutter deals with zero personality, just like them. Kevin, Joe and I actually helpedthemmove,becausetheyasked,alongwiththehiredmovers,and itwasduringthismovethatKevinconcludedthathedidntlikemymom. Hed heard stories, but hadnt witnessed anything for himself. But after we had all spent the day helping to move stuff over to their new house, Kevin overhead Joe asking my mom is he could take a shower. That in itself struck him as being weird why should Joe have to ask to take a shower?!Especiallyafterhelpingthemmoveonahotsummerday?!But thenmymomsresponseflooredhim. No! I wasnt there when this exchange happened, but Kevin said Joe persistently tried to get her to let him shower, but she held firm. Joe keptaskingwhy?!butshewouldnttellhim.Therewasnologicalreason. Itwasnosimplybecauseshesaidso,nowshutupandaway.Itwasall aboutpower.Shehadtobeincontrol. After that, Kevin had a dark look on his face as he relayed the exchange. I was like, Welcome to what Ive been dealing with for eighteenyears.MomnRaytookusalltoaCarlsJr.forlunchafterthe move, and as always, our little family time was tense and cold, with Mom n Ray having theirstony robotic facial expressions. Stephen, who was 11 by that point, looked nervous and uncomfortable as always he always had this nervousuncertain half smile on his face,and everything he did was strictly controlled by Ray. Ray would stare at him with bugged out eyes and it was like everything Stephen did caused Ray to seethe.HedidthisbecauseheknewitworkedhecouldsenseStephens nervous jumpiness and meek passivity and so this spurred him on. He
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knewhehadcompletecontrolandpoweroverStephen.WhenRaytried thisonJoeitdidntevenregister.Joepaidnomind.AndAmandaknew, justkeepquietandstayoutoftheway.Kevincouldntwaitforustoget thehelloutofthereASAP.Weleftrightafter. ByAugust,JoebeggedtobesentbacktoConnecticuttolivewithour dad,andwaspromptlygrantedhiswishandputonaplane.Thatwasnt easyforme,ATall.Weweresoclose,andIhadbeenhelpingtoraisehim, and now he was gone. I had nothing else in life, only him. I was always fantasizingaboutbeingabletotakecustodyofhimandbehismomand havehimlivewithme.Ihaditinmyheadthatifwestucktogether,things would be okay. He would be okay. Joe didnt listen to anybody but me, eventhecopsnotedthatwhenheranaway.Iwastheonlyonehehada real connection with in life, and now he was being put into a position where he had to walk away from that one connection. Manipulation, anybody?Yeah. In November Mom n Ray were getting married. My mom took me shoppingforanoutfitatSouthCoastPlazainCostaMesa,andthatwasa debacle. We entered into one particular store and split off, with me heading to the left and her to the right. Everything was fine and calm. AboutfiveminuteslaterImetupwithherinthemiddleofthestoreand foundherstaringatmewithbuggedoutcrazyeyes,hissingatmeinalow but intense and psycho voice, Dont you EVER walk away from me again!!!!!AllIcoulddowasstarebackather,completelydumbfounded. Thundercloud personality switch out of nowhere, and treating me as if I wasthree,nottheeighteenyearoldIwaswholivedonmyown.Lateron aswewalkedthroughthemallshepulledmeasideandhissedformeto stop talking to Ray, who was making polite small talk with me, because she felt I was taking too much attention from him. Oh, and dont you DAREtellhimIjustsaidthat!ShewasEXTREMELYinsecure,andthere would be several occasions where she disintegrated into crazy paranoia thatImightsomehowgetRaytohaveawanderingeye. ItallcametoaheadthoughbytheendoftheyearduringChristmas break when Joe was back in California visiting. I was babysitting Joe, StephenandAmandaforanafternoonataplaygroundnearwhereMomn Ray livedinFoothill Ranch. Weall had fun, and itwasactuallythe last timeinlifeIeversawStephenandAmanda.AfterwardsIwastalkingto mymomonthephone,confirmingthatshewasgoingtoloanmehercar thenextdaylikeshepreviouslyoffered,sothatIcouldhangwithJoefor the afternoon and spend some time with him before he went back to Connecticut.Butforsomereason,Idontknowwhy,MomnRaygotitin their head that the kids and I had run offto the corner grocery store
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called Ralphs while they were in my care. And that this was an abomination of sorts. In fact, she was now changing her mind about loaningmethecar.ItwassomethingIwantedverybadly,whichmeansit gaveherpoweroverme.ButnotonlydidInottakethekidstoRalphs supermarket, but even if I hadit would be a big deal because? No matter what I said though she wouldnt listen. We went rounds, and it became absurd. My mom maintained a flat, even keeled and detached toneofvoice,continuallyrepeatingfalseaccusations,refusingtohearme orlisten.IbecamesofrustratedIwascryingandliterallyscreaminginto thephone,buthervoiceneverfluctuatedfromthatdetachedcoldness.It waspureenergyfeedingatitsfinest,liketalkingtoawall.Theclincher came when I heard Ray come up to the phone and say in his stony, deadpanmannerofspeaking,Shesirresponsible. !!!! Okay, THATS it. Im done. SEE ya. I was living on my own, takingcareofmyselfandworkingthreejobsdontcallmeirresponsible. IrecognizedevenateighteenthattheywereSERIOUSLYmentalandthat nothingwould everchange.Theydalwaysbecriticizingmeandputting medown,nomatterwhatIdid.Nothingwasgoodenoughforthem,to thepointofutterlunacy.Ihavenotoleranceforthat.Ihungupthephone andcutoffthecall. Thatwasntactuallytheendendthough.Therewasstillthefamily portrait my mom had scheduled for the next day, in her batty effort to maintain the illusion that she has a perfect family. The narcissistic personalitywantingtomanipulateherdollsandplaythings,likethat articlehadmentioned.Keepsmiling,nomatterwhat!Letspretend!But after that conversation I was permanently done with her and walking away.Yet,sheshowedupatmydoorstepthenextdayanyway,tenseand terse and dragging Joe with her, coming to collect me to take me to the familyportrait.Idontthinkso.ItoldherIwasntgoing.So,getout ofmyhouse. All hell broke loose. She literally acted like a robot whose programmingwasbreakingdown,justwentkookycrazyhaywireonme. Itwasasifshetrulybelievedsheownedme,Iwasanobjecttocontrol.I get this image of the Jetsons cartoon, when Rosie the robot maid broke downandbeganrollingincircles,repeatingitself,withsmokecomingout of the head and little pops and explosions happening. It was a lot like that. And again, also probably a lot closer to the truth than I realized. Screaming, yelling, complete refusal to hear or accept that I was wasnt going.Iwasruiningherillusion,andshedidnthavecontrolsomething shecanthandle.Morescreaming,moreyelling,allthewhileasJoesatin mykitchenetteareatuningusallout,doodlingpicturesofjokerjesterson
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PostItnoteswithcoloredmarkers.Thatwassomethinghewasintoatthe time,thejoker/jesterimagery,herelatedtoitandconsideredhimselftobe that. TheninhercrazinesssheactuallyrangupmydadbackinConnecticut totellonme.justlikewhenIwasakidandshedthreaten,Waittil your father comes home! or threaten to call him at work and have him come home and spank me. Quite comical. Id never seen anything like thisbefore.Shegotmydadonthephoneandwentwildeyedcrazy,and putmeonthephonewithhim. Hey,Isaid,amused.Joewasstilldoodlingjokersandjestersinthe otherroom. Hi.Pause.Youalright? Yeah.Weagreedtotalklater,aftersheleft.Illcallyouback. Hung up the phone. More screaming, more yelling. She then unpluggedmyphoneandtriedtotakeit,(birthdaypresentfromherand Ray the month before, kind of surprising, actually) and we then actually hadatugofwaroverthephone.Iwon.AtthatpointIjuststoodtherein the middle of the room holding the phone Id won back and screamed GET OUT!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!! GET OUT!! GET OUT! GET OOOUUUUT!!!!GETOOOOOUUUUUUUUT!!!!overandoverandover atfullvoiceuntilshefinallyleft.IdidntcarethatIwasfinallykickingher outofmylife.Itwaslongoverdue.Ijustcaredthatshetookmybrother with her. Because when it was all said and done, she left with him, dragginghimbythearm.Astheyleftthroughthedoor,hiseyeslockedon mine,givingmeaforlornsortoflook. There wasnt anything either one of us could do about the situation. We were both completely powerless. Then the door closed, and she was gone with him. The PostIt notes with the jokers and jesters were left behindonmytable.Istillhavethem. And that was that. From that point forward Dad and Joe back in Connecticutknewnottogivehermyphonenumber,andIwouldkeepit purposely unlisted. To this day in fact, for that reason. And when I later movedoutofKevinsparentsguesthouse,DadandJoeknewtonevertell her where I lived. Shed occasionally get the information though from othermeansandsureenough,Idgetthephonecallorcrazyemail. Then almost five years later when I was 24, in August of 1998, I accidentallyranintomymom.Andtheonlyreasonitevenhappenedwas because I had scheduled a phone call with Joe back in Connecticut, but whenIcalled,hedforgottenaboutitandhadwanderedoff.Withnothing else going on now I decided to head over to the plaza across the street. And as I walked along the sidewalk of the plaza I suddenly heard my
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name being hissed from behind me in my moms unmistakable breathy/hissyvoice.Carissa! I froze up on the sidewalk, staring straight ahead like, ohhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiit.. I was smoking a combination clove/tobacco cigarette and took a hit on it, then finally turned around to my left, finding my mom behind the wheel of a Toyota Camry sedan Id never seen her in before. Obviously new. She was ducking down to look at me through the passengersidewindow.Hercellphonewasringingatthesametimeand she had cars waiting behind her. She frantically told me to wait for her whilesheansweredherphoneandparkedthecar. Ihadtwooptions.Waitforher.Orrunoff.hmmmmmm. I decided to wait, purely out of curiosity. Id been hearing so many crazystoriesaboutherfrommydadandbrother,(shereallyseemedtobe losingitmentally,fromwhatIwashearing)thatIjusthadtoseeifitwas alltrue.Thebigstorythatreallystoodoutformewashowmymomhad been convinced that Ray was going to kill her. She kept telling my dad, Raysgoingtokillme,Iknowit!Icanseeitinhiseyes!!!!!!!!!!!!Shewas convinced Hes going to suffocate me with a pillow while I sleep!!!!!!!! Thenshedevisedasecretphonecodesothatshecouldcallmydadback inConnecticutundetectedonering,thenhangup,thencallbackandlet it ring two times, or something like that. She got my cousin Debbie and herhusbandShawn(whowereinthemilitaryandlivedupinLongBeach) inonthedelusionstoo,insistingthatShawnandhisbestfriendtobeon call day or night with his pick up truck, so they could come fetch my mom and help her move her at the drop of a hat when needed. The sad partis,theyagreed.Buttheythoughtmymomwasbatshitcrazytoo,asI later learned when I hung out with Debbie and Shawn one afternoon, gettingreacquaintedwithmycousinwhomIhadntseensinceIwasfive yearsold,livingbackeast. I sat down to wait for her, watching her finally approach me. She chargedalong,grippingherpurse,facestaringstraightaheadandfrozen inplaceinherusualMomBotmode.Shewasnow45,andstilllookedthe sameasbeforesameshoulderlengthdarkbrunettePageBoyhaircutI guess its called and fair skin. Completely opposite of my own coloring, inherited from my dad. Same style of Tshirts she always wore, tucked into her highrider jeans with a belt and her typical lowheeled sandals. Wearingherusualsunglasses,alwayssosensitivetothelightforsome reason.Hersame54bodythatweighedabout130.Assoonasshewas withinearshotofmeshesneered,facetwisting,Soyouresmokincigars now,huh?! It was a clove cigarette, but, never mind that. She caught herself
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though, realizing that she had to play nice and manipulate. I was not obligated to sit here and entertain her craziness, after all. My five years absence was testament to that. Her face then went blankpassive, calm, wideeyed,andhervoicewentsoftandbreathy.Andsheremainedinthat statefortherestofourmeeting. As soon as she sat down on the bench next to me all my emotional wallswentonlockdown.Islippedintoastrange,faraway,blank/numb disassociativestate.Atonepointweweresittingonabenchtogetherand I was scooted all the way to the far right side, as far away from her as I couldpossiblybe,squattingwithbothfeetonthebenchandarmshugging my knees to my chest, (doing what my roommates used to call perching)whilesuckingdownmycigarettes. Thethingtonoteisthathereyesweresohugeandempty.Therewas nothingthere.Theconversationwasstrangetoo,intypicalmomfashion. Completelyoutoftouchwiththesituationthatwashappening,rightthen, on that bench. Saying the kinds of things that just make you nod your head slowly with a funny look and go Ummmyeeeeahhh. And she proceeded to say every little thing Id always wished shed say, but neveronceheardfromher. Validatingme,praisingme,talkingabouthowsheneverappreciated whatagoodkidIwas,notuntilitwastoolate.Youwerethrowntothe wolves! she said at one point, referring to me being kicked out before graduation.ThenshewentontopraisehowIdmadeitanyway,despite thoseconditions.AndhowIdneveraskedtocomebackandlivewithher, or ever asked for money from her or dad. (Although I did borrow $200 oncefrommydad,butshewasntunawareofitsincewedonttalk.)She even said that she regretted marrying Ray. I married the wrong man! thenproceededtocriticizeSteveandAmandaforhowtheydturnedout in life, judgmentally looking down on them and comparing them to wonderfullittleme.Itusedtobetheotherwayaround.Itusedtobethey were angels who could do no wrong, while Joe and I were the loathed interference in her life. (She adored Steve and Amanda way back only becausetheyweresomethingnewandexciting,likeanewtoy,versusher playedoutkidsthatshewassickof.Butasalways,thethrillhadwornoff and now they were the cast aside toys. Bored! Over it! Give me something new to play with!) I marveled at how two faced she was. When she was around them, shed be slamming me. When she was around me, she talked smack about them. I have no tolerance for that either. In general, the whole situation was so perfect it was scary. I didnt know anything back then about hyperdimensional manipulation,
Appendix
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reanimatedrobots,emptydrones,buteventhenIdidntbuyanyofthis. It was just too perfect. There was no way in hell my mom MY mom wouldeversaythethingsthatwerecomingoutofhermouthrightnow. The real mom had told me that she hated me, was physically and verballyabusive,gloatedaboutmebeingkickedout,wantedmetodrop out of school, told my dad and brother that I was a loser and that Watch,shellcomecrawlingbackinafewweeks.Shellnevermakeiton herownandsoon.Sotosaythisentiresituationwasfishywasputting it mildly. I wasnt having any of it. I just listened in that blank, disassociativesilence,smokingmycigarettes. Ilethergivemearidebacktomyapartmentcomplex,butwouldnt letherknowwhichunitSteveandIlivedin.Justbeforegettingoutofthe car she gave me all her various phone numbers and offered up a frantic sounding I love you!! with those big, empty eyes. I didnt say it back. Just got out of the car feeling blank, and walked away. And Ive (purposely)neverseenherinpersonagain. Withinacoupleofmonthsafterthat,whentalkingtoJoeonthephone backinConnecticut,herevealedthatum,hehadbeentoCaliforniatovisit MomweeksbeforebutwasntallowedtocontactmetoletmeknowsoI couldmeetupwithhimandseehim.Hehadmyphonenumberwritten onascrapofpaperthathecarriedwithhimeverydayinhispocket,but hecouldntgettoapayphonetocallme.Infact,hewaskeptunderstrict surveillancetomakesurehedidnt.Ipsychologicallywiggedout.Joewas the equivalent of my own kidI certainly loved him and cared more abouthimandhaddonemoreforhiminlifethanourownmotherhadI hadntseenhimatthatpointinoverthreeyears,andhehadbeenwithin severalmilesofwhereIliveandourmomhadpurposelykeptusapart?? I grabbed the phone and used those phone numbers she had given me. Got her on the line and confronted her. She remained cool, detached, unemotional, unaffected. Didnt care. Oh well for you. Gone was the wildeyed,crazyIloveyou!!!fromourmeeting,andallthatsuckingup praise. Back in its place was the cold, unfeeling mom I knew so well growingup,wholikedtoplaypowertripgamesandwithholdthingsthat sheknewyouwanted,justbecauseshecould.AndthatwasthelasttimeI evertalkedtoher.Raywoundupdyingprematurelyin2002attheageof 44,afteralongboutwithprostatecancerthatwentonforyears. Joe did have one memorable story from that particular visit that he toldmeaboutseveralyearslater,whichItoldmycurrentboyfriendabout andwhichisnowafunnyinsiderunningjokebetweenus.Butonenight during that visit, my mom went into Joes guest room where he was staying and hissed at him, Put on your dress clothes, were going to
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Dennys!Ilaughedmyassoffaboutthat.ThatsSOher.Sooutoftouch withthings.Whogetsdresseduptogotoagreasyspoondinerthatserves dishes with pun names like Moons Over My Hammy and Play it Again, Slam? Always putting on airs, with delusions of having this perfectfamily,wantingusunderherstrictcontrolanddresseduplikeher personal property dolls. So sometimes Ill joke with my boyfriend, imitatingmymomshissybreathyvoice,Putonyourdressclothes,were gointoIHOP!orsomething.;)OrIllmakejokesthatIknowsoandso wantstokillme,Icanseeitintheireyes!Theywanttosuffocateme!With apillowwhileIsleep!Icanseeit!!!!!!!! The Joe issue though has been an avenue of mayhem, in multiple ways. I was naturally bonded to him being his older sister who helped raisehim,witnessedhimgettingtheshaftinlife,thenexperiencedhaving himrippedfrommeseveraltimesandwashauntedforthenextfewyears afterwards,knowinghewasspiralingdownhillandwantingtorescuehim butnotbeingabletodoanythingaboutitfrom3,000milesaway.Hearing over the phone from my dad in 1995 that Joe had finally gone over the edgeandstolenagunandthenwentonaconveniencestorerobbingspree and was now going to jail was extremely distressing. Joe had taken the robbingspreemoneyandgottenamotelroom,withplanstohopatrainto NYCinthemorning,butthemotelclerkturnedhimin.Thecopsgothim byclimbingthroughthebathroomwindow.Hewas14. TheguiltandremorseanddespondencyaboutJoessituationlingered foryearsafterwardsIhaddreamswherehewasalittlekidagain,about three,adorableandinnocent,andIwasstealinghimaway,goingtoraise him as my own. Always the dreams, tormenting me. It set the stage for whyIbroughthimouttoCaliforniaassoonasIcouldgethimbackwhen he was 19fulfilling a psychological need that had been repeatedly deniedtomeoverandoverandoverwhyIwasobsessivelydevotedto rescuing him, and why I put up with his criminal mayhem and the police always comin round for the two years in SoCal and Oregon. I would have done anything for him, and put up with all manner of craziness. The psychological need I had seems to have been exploited by negative stuff, and there does seem to be an element of programming involvedwithitall,asmentionedseveraltimesthroughoutthisbook.But theJoethatsteppedoffthattrainatLosAngelesUnionStationwasnotthe same Joe I grew up with. I didnt realize it at the time, but the Joe I got back was demonically shadowed, and as crazy as it sounds, reanimated. ItswhatJoesthemabductionexperienceswereindicating,itswhatthe Cs were hinting at in the excerpted transcript I included earlier in this book,anditssomethingthatoneverypsychicacquaintanceflatouttold
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me in an email: The Joe who was finally pulled out of your experience was the vehicle you knew with some of the same cells but not the same core My obsession with saving him and intense desire to have him back in my life was an opportunity to send in a reanimated pawn, to be used for a variety of purposes. In the excerpted Cs transcripts they mentionedprobes,projection,andreflection.Itswildstuff,andifI hadntlivedthroughitmyselfandwitnessedwhatIwitnessedofJoefor those two years he was back in my life, (most of which I dont even get into in this book) then Id be highly doubtful that such at thing could reallybehappeninginthisreality.TheJoesituationistoocomplicatedfor theconstraintsofthisbookinfact,Ididdoasidewriteupjusttogetthe storydownformyownpurposes,writingasmuchasIneededtowritein ordertodoitjustice,anditendedupbeingover80pageslong.!However, Idogetintosomemorebackgroundonmybrotherinoneparticularwrite up on my website, called The Vortex. The first page details the back storyofwhathappenedduringtheyearshewasinjailandrightafter,the beginning of his involvement with the Thems, getting him back to California, and discovering that he was now essentially a completely different person, how I figured out that he was demonically shadowed, and all the craziness beyond that. http://in2worlds.net/thevortex Its worthareadifanybodyisfeelingliketheyremissingchunksofthestory. So at any rate, Ill definitely say this: what helped me in life was gettingawayfrommyfamily.IlookatwhereIwasatsixteenwalking around in a zombified stupor, completely numb, all messed up in the head, unable to feel anything to where I am now and it seems almost impossible. Its like the comeback kid or something. It didnt happen overnight though, it was a gradual process, and I can trace back exactly how it happened...and which people were instrumental in helping me along the way, acting as unofficial guardian angels or something. But cuttingthecordssoyoungandgoingitaloneinlife,awayfromthem,and whatIconsidertobetoxicpersonalities,andfindingsubstitutefamilies within some of my former roommates, friends and even coworkers ahs been a blessing. It allowed me to shake off the remnants of a very, very strange childhood, and flat out abusive teen years, and get away from their personality influences so that I could come into my own, so to speak. Another key factor was that no matter what, even as a little kid, I knew that the problem was my mom. No matter what she said to me or aboutme,Ididnttakeiton,orlistenoreverbelieveit.Mostkidswho are kicked around like that by a parent do take to heart whats said to them.Ineverdid,whichisamazinglyweirdinsomeways.Ijustalways
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knew its all her, shes crazy, and shes the reason for why dads not happy,andifonlyDad,JoeandIcouldgetawayfromherthenlifewould begood..BytheageoftenIwasalreadydeclaringthatwhenIwasolderI would get away from her and never talk to her again, and if I had kids thenshewouldneverbeabletoseethem.Butsuchwastheknowingthat it wasnt us, its her, theres something very wrong with her. I didnt understand it fully as a kid, but I was already intuitively sensing/feeling thatshewasempty.Thelightswereonbutnobodywashome.Thewheel isspinningbutthehampstersdead.Shewasntreal,therewasnosoul, orelseveryminimalsoul,(fragmentedmaybe,orapersonwhosexited stage left, leaving behind a nearly empty shell) to connect to with my mentalfeelers.Mydadhadhisfaults,butIcouldfeelthattherewasareal persongoingonthere,eventhoughIdidntconsciouslyknowwhatIwas feelingorunderstanditallyet. Too often people will also keep toxic relationships around in their lives, and especially if it involves parents. I say, dont be afraid to walk awayfromanybody,nomatterwhotheyare.Justbecausesomebodygave birth to you does not make you obligated to stand there and take their abuse for the rest of your life. I gave birth to you! You owe it to me to standherewhileIheapabuseonyou!Now,feedmeyourenergy!!(and give me your money, and your emotional support, and do favors for me)X!Dontthinkso. A situation like that though is basically like being stuck between a rockandahardplaceforanabducteeoranybodyforthatmatter.Onthe onehanditcanplayrightintothewholeisolatingtargetsphenomenon mentioned earlier in this book, where stuff puts the pressure on everybody involved until something gives and it all falls apart and you findyourselfcompletelyalone;butontheotherhand,havingtoxicpeople aroundisdetrimentaltoonespersonalgrowthandenergy.Ittakesitstoll and just cant work in the long run. But being alone, even at the risk of isolating yourself, is still better than being around toxic energy feeders who are being manipulated by stuff. Its absolutely imperative to get awayfrompeoplethatarebeingusedasvectorsofattack.Itsallabout removingyourselffromthepredatorpreyloop.Onceaway,youdetoxify yourself,surroundyourselfslowlybutsurelywithqualitypeople,andput humptydumptybacktogetheragain.Andthenjustkeeplookingforward.
Recommended Reading

Therewereafewsourcesmentionedthroughoutthiswork,buttheres only a handful that I would recommend as a place to go for further informationregardingMILABSandmindcontrol:

Military Abduction and Mind Control

OperationOpenEyesFiveEasyStepsforCreatingaManchurian CandidateGuntherRassbacher.
http://www.rumormillnews.com/operation.htm Excellent article that outlines the governments selection and training of youths from Americas incarceration system to become programmed Manchurian Candidates.Rassbacherhadbeenthesecondhighestincommandin theCIAatonepointbeforehewastakenandreprogrammed.He wrotethispiecewhileinprisonandslippedthepagesouttohisthen wifeRayellenAllen,authorofRumorMillNews.

Secret,DontTellTheEncyclopediaofHypnotismCarlaEmery. http://www.hypnotism.org/ Comprehensive historical overview of hypnosis that delves into the use of unethical hypnosis, as well as government mind control projects. Well researched, extremely detailed, and a very valuable resource that also contains many additional book, article and website links and references. The late Ms. Emery, who was a victim of mind control herself, put a lot of time and effort into compiling this work and even went into hiding while writing it. If it wasnt for the interventionofsomethinghigheronenight,thenthisbookwouldnt existatall,asexplainedintheveryfirstopeningintroduction.!

MassControlandMindControl,WorldControlJimKeith. Good basic overviews of all things relating to government mind controlonindividualabductiontargetsandthemassesatlarge,by thelateJimKeith.

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The Illuminati Formula for Creating a totally Undetectable Mind ControlledSlaveandDeeperInsightsintotheIlluminatiFormula FritzSpringmeierandCiscoWheeler. Detailed history and explanations into government mind control experimentation and the creation of mind controlled slaves. I dont recommendthesetwobooksasagoodreadIonlyusethemmyself as a reference manual when I want to look something up. The way theyre written makes it near impossible to just read straight through likearegularbook.Buttheresnothingelseouttherethatevencomes close to the amount of detail found in these books regarding this subject. Theyre also very dark in nature due to the subject matter beingcovered.So,Irecommendeasingoneswayinwithlighterfare first,andonlyreaditifyouresomebodywhosinneedofanswers.

Alien/Military Abduction
TakenKarlaTurner,Ph.D.www.karlaturner.org.
The late Dr. Turners book regarding ten womens personal case historiesasalien/militaryabductees.Nicesamplingthatgivesabroad overview on the topic, and which is guaranteed to provide at least a few answers and fill in some missing puzzle pieces for MILABs. At Karlaturner.org you can find free online copies of her books (her surviving husband has given his blessing for it) as well as downloadablevideosfromhervariousspeakingengagements.

MILABSOperationsJamesBartley
Excellent article that went up after the original printing of this book, and which replaces the original recommendation of MILABS, by Helmut and Marion Lammer. Covers many aspects of MILABS not being discussed anywhere else. Mr. Bartley aptly covers everything from Beam me up transport technology to the fact that the secret factions have the ability to manipulate time and space. He also gets intooffplanetaryoperations,frequencycontroloftargets,thephysical AND astral ops, physical abductions versus virtual reality/dream time programming, endtimes apocalyptic programming, the phenomenonofbothpreferentialandabusivetreatmentoftargets,the
Recommended Reading
265
differences between MILABS and Monarchs, and much more. An absolutemustreadthatImveryenthusiasticabout!
http://theuniversalseduction.com/MilabOperations.pdf

TheAlienJigsaw
http://www.alienjigsaw.com/Part_IV/milab.html theMILABSsubject.

Usefulinsightinto
Barbara:TheStoryofaUFOInvestigatorBarbaraBartholic,astold toPeggyFielding.
http://www.peggyfielding.com/BookDisplay.cfm?isbn=0970750773&f=r
ThelifeandtimesofUFOabducteeandresearcherBarbaraBartholic, whoeventuallybecameaMILABstargetaswell.Aninterestingread that gets into aspects of the abduction phenomenon Ive never seen mentionedelsewhere,andwhichpaintsadarker,morerealisticpicture ofalienabductions,counterbalancingthetypicalNewAgeviewpoint.

Miscellaneous
www.montalk.net High quality website regarding all things alien/hyperdimensionalandourMatrixreality,withaplethoraofwell writtenarticlesbytheauthorMontalkonthesetopics.

TheUniversalSeductionVolumesI,II&III www.theuniversalseduction.com
The collected works of dozens of notable researchers regarding all of theabovementionedtopics,andmore.Visittheirwebsitetopurchase the books, learn about the authors, and read articles pertaining to metaphysics,conspiracy,currentevents,abductions,andmindcontrol.

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Chasing Phantoms

Carissa Conti 2006

Dedicated to Tom The light at the end of the tunnel!

Tablle of Contents Tab e of Contents

AppendixGrowingUpWeird ................................................................ 219 RecommendedReading .............................................................................. 263

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Causes for abductions

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Causes for abduction by hyperdimensional entities can be due toanyofthefollowing:

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

when and if your animal companion(s) exhibit strange and unusualbehavior.

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Personality shift. Feeling markedly different from your normal selffornologicalreason.

abducteeswakewiththeirclothesonbackwardsand/orinsideout, itemsofclothingmissingthattheywerewearingwhentheywent tosleep,orevenhavinggrassandmudontheirnightclothes,asif theyhadbeenoutside.

Methods for Taking the Abductee

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Smash and Grab

Beam me up, Scotty.

Soul subtle body abductions

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Microchip Implants, Mind Control and Cybernetics by RauniLeena LuukanenKilde,MD.

Personalized article written by a female abductee regarding both physicalandethericimplantwarfare.

Site devoted to investigating and removing alien implants. Includessurgeryphotosofimplantremoval.

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Mind Control Programming

Trauma-based mind control

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Overzealous programming attempts

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Blocking and Erasing Memories

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

periodicallyappearedon(hidden)areasofmylegs,usuallyfollowing asuspectedabduction.MybruisesarealittlesmallerthanwhatFritz describesthough.Ononeoccasion,oneofthemwascoincidentally surroundedbyhighlysensitiveleghairstubblethatwaspainfultothe touchandstickingstraightout.Theotherlegstubblewasnormal.

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Dreams, reality context and the assemblage point

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Residual Talents and Abilities

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

important things like read my own books that I wanted to read.;)

Compartmentalized mind. Have a compartmentalized mind thatsdemonstratedthatitcandoitsownthing,andseemsto operateseparately,almostlikeacomputer.Itcansolvemath stufforfigurethingsoutseparatelyfromthemainbrain,and thenfeedsmetheanswerwhenitsdone.

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Wave beaming Harassment

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

The World Underground

Part I MILABS and Mind Control

Part II My Own Experiences

Part II My Own Experiences

Flashback. A flash one morning back in early 2004 maybe, whilelyinginbed.Isawmyselflayingdown,possiblyonatableor

Suspicious/Obvious Indicators and Dreams as a Kid

Part II My Own Experiences

Part II My Own Experiences

Part II My Own Experiences

Part II My Own Experiences

The Obvious Stuff as an Adult