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FSW: Change We Can Believe In

FSW: Change We Can Believe In



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Published by R.A. Porter
John and Sarah get a little magic boost.
John and Sarah get a little magic boost.

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Published by: R.A. Porter on Sep 12, 2008
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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INT. STAGE - DAYJOHN MCCAIN and SARAH PALIN in front of a green screen.He just can’t get away from them.JOHNPeople like to bandy the word‘change’ around a lot. My opponent--SARAHOuropponent.JOHN(flinching like afrequently whippeddog)Yes Sarah. Our opponent wants youto believe change comes from diplomacy, compromise, and hard work. That’s simply not true.SARAHThat’s right, John. Real changecomes from magic rings.John and Sarah brandish IDENTICAL RINGS on their upheldfists.SARAH (CONT’D)Magic rings stolen from alienteenagers!JOHNWonder Twin powers,activate!SARAHWonder Twin powers,activate!SARAH (CONT’D)Shape of...a Bald Eagle!JOHNForm of...a puddle of dirty water!Just like the water on the floorof the cage I spent six years inbeing tortured daily. When I was a war hero.Sarah and John transform into a bald eagle and puddle of water respectively. Still able to speak, though.SARAHI’m a small-town girl with small-town values. Values like honoringthe symbol of our great nation andhonoring our great war heroes.(CONTINUED)
JOHNBarackObamacalled my running mate a pig. Does she look like apig? No. She’s a majestic eagle.Sarah-eagle touches wingtipto John-puddle.JOHNWonder Twin powers,deactivate!SARAHWonder Twin powers,deactivate!In a flash, Sarah and John revert to their normal forms.SARAHThe big-city elites want to takeyour guns away.JOHNThey want to teach your pre-schoolersabout sex.SARAHThey want to take your pickups andSUVsaway.Sarah and John touch rings...JOHNWonder Twin powers,activate!SARAHWonder Twin powers,activate!SARAH (CONT’D)Form of...a completely safe andunthreatenedpolar bear!JOHNShape of...a piece of Arcticglacier, undisturbed by liberallies about global warming.Sarah and John transform again. Sarah-bear stands atopJohn-ice.SARAHMy opponent--JOHN(timidly)--actually, he’s my opponent,Sarah.SARAHRight. Our opponent wants you todrive a hybrid. Or walk! He wantsyou to believe in global warming.
Well, I’m from the great state ofAlaska and I can tell you, it’snot getting any warmer!JOHNWell, it is getting warmer, Sarah.But the science isn’t conclusiveas to whether our actions haveanything--SARAH--I said it’s not getting warmer,John.JOHNRight. Sorry, Sarah.JOHN (CONT’D)Wonder Twin powers,deactivate!SARAHWonder Twin powers,deactivate!Sarah-bear and John-ice touch and transform.SARAHEvery day I wake up, I have to worry about the threat of Russianinvasion. BarackObamawants todisband the military and send allyour children to madrassas.That’snot change we can believe in.(beat)This is change we can believein...Sarah and John touch rings again...JOHNWonder Twin powers,activate!SARAHWonder Twin powers,activate!JOHNShape of...a bucket of tears. Thetears I cried each night after theVietcong had tortured and beaten me trying to make me turn againstAmerica. America, the greatestcountry on Earth!John transforms into a bucket of tears. It’s magic. Don’task.SARAHForm of...a moose!Sarah transforms into a moose.

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