loved one you are leaving, remind yourself why. Do not listen to their cries of “Please stay, I’ll change Ireally love you...” You have done more than enough for them. You must be strong and silent. They need tobecome aware of themselves and their actions, but not whilst you are still there, as they would be liable tocarry on where they left off. The key to disarming a bully, however strong he is physically, is to treat himwith silence. The more silent you are, the stronger you become; language is his weapon, let silence be yours.
It is time to talk to the bully inside...
So who are you really? You who intimidates others. Are you powerful? Do you feel strong when you makepeople feel afraid, does it make you more of a man? Will people show you more respect? In a strange way,you are just like a criminal who intimidates weaker people to get what he wants; using threats of physicalviolence, and using threatening words. You are no better than a common criminal, and you should be treatedas such – no mitigating factors allowed.Whether you are still at school, in the workplace, or in the home, you deserve no respect from anyone.You have earned nothing but their contempt. You should be denied all access to those you intimidate, muchlike a criminal is segregated from the public. Just answer me one thing: “Do you really feel you have earnedthe right to hurt people?” Who gave you that right? Your father? Did he bully people too? Are you justimitating him, or are you really that weak that you have to hurt others? Soon we will find out. You probablydon’t want to stop; you probably wouldn’t know where to stop, but I know when to stop, and that is
.Right now, you are aware you are a bully, that you hurt people, even when you try not to. Somehowsomething deep inside makes you want to hurt people. But it is
that is hurting inside, isn’t it? No onewill listen to your pain, and you have to let people know, don’t you? You want them to feel what you arefeeling, don’t you? But that’s not the way to do it. You need to become aware of what you are feeling rightnow. You need to tell yourself: “I can heal. I want to heal. I want to be whole. I want to feel love. I do notwant to hurt any more
And in this moment, you are love. You have opened yourself up to the world; youhave unlocked the prison of your mind, and let love in.You can heal, but first you have to do something very brave. You have to face your victims – maybe notin reality at first, but visualise them in your mind. Now apologise to them. Do not ask for their forgiveness;ask for their compassion instead. You may not be able to do this on your own, so please get someone to helpyou, whether it be a doctor or a therapist. You need help.You can help yourself, but the most important thing is to heal the violence and anger that is ragingthrough your body, and to build up your own self-esteem, so you can start to deal with people, withoutneeding to control or dominate them. Everyone is on this earth together, and everyone deserves to be left tocarry on his or her life without fear of intimidation from others.**Bullying is real, and of course, you can report it to the police. You may choose to take the person to court,where they may be convicted, and they may go to jail, or receive a fine, but like all violent people who aremerely locked up, they will not be healed when they come out into society again. As compassionate humanbeings, do we not need to recognise that people need help, and offer it to them in order to protect others inthe future? This may be hard for you to decide, so I ask you to think about it carefully in case this situationever arises, or you are in the middle of this situation right now.The bullying of partners (especially females) is more rightly called domestic violence (
violence in thehome
), and often, when the police are eventually called, the man has convinced the partner to say nothingwas happening (under more threats of course), and will play the part of the lying charmer to the police, whowill probably do nothing. You will be back where you started. Violence is sickening to most of us in theworld. It is not a part of being human. You do not have to put up with it.Up to now we have been really talking about two adults, whether in a work situation, or at home, wherethe victim could walk out at any time. When you’re a child you can’t. Even if you have a little bit of money,where would you go? The world is a scary place. Who would believe you? If you went to the police wouldn’tthey just take you back home? Your father or mother, who were abusing you would make up some lies andyou would be released back into their “care.” It is an almost impossible situation as a child or adolescent.So what do you do? You just lie back and take it, vowing to (a) take revenge on your parents when youget older and (b) take out your hurt and anger on someone weaker than you – maybe even your own child.It is an unfortunate fact, that children of abusers often become the very person they despised. There arecharities that are starting to help children of abuse, but these are few and far between, and it is hard for