pay them? No. Money comes first, leave your troubles at home, don’t bring them into work.But they must be stupid! If you bring “me” to work then you also bring all "me’s" troubles, becausefunnily enough "me" is me! You can’t leave the troubled me behind at home, unless you own a “personalitysplitting device,” but that’s what companies want you to do. They want you to split, to divide, and only present the facade they are paying you for, and as you don’t want to lose your job, because that would onlycreate more personal problems for you, you put on the mask. So what we want to investigate is whether there is such a thing as authentic confidence. Is it something inherent or is it simply something we learn, sowe do not show our real self to the outside world?As we journey through life, we often meet people who seem to be timid or anxious, and we feel sorry for them.“Poor girl, she was so shy, no confidence at all.”But at least she was showing her true self, that’s a start; but perhaps because she had not developed theskills needed to put the mask on, not because of a conscious decision.There are some people who are quiet in social situations, and we say to them: “You need to be more self-confident.” But does that really mean we can trawl through the depths of our brains and pull “self-confidence” out of the bag, so to speak? Or are we asking them to develop an external way of behaving, andtalking, so people will think they are confident, or sure of themselves? I would have to say that it is the latter.So, if we see that self-confidence is false, that it is merely a mask we put on when we need to, we need tofind out what is going on behind the mask. What do you think?How about conflict, division and fear, amongst others?You see, without the mask of self-confidence in our abilities as a performer, businessman, or scientist,who are we? Are we really the successful businessman, or the accomplished musician, or are the job titlesand the social superiority that come with them mere covers for what is really going on? We will have toinvestigate more to find out the truth of it.
Ok, so you’re very “sure” of yourself, you know a lot of stuff, you make a bit of money, people seem to likeyou, you get on well with the ladies, you are pretty good looking and don’t have any financial worries tospeak of. Now I want you to imagine that now you have lost all of those bolt-ons that give you confidence,and I want to ask you who you are inside.What I am asking you is what’s really going on in that brain of yours when we unplug the confidencemodule? Are you afraid of uncertainty? Are you frightened that no one will like you anymore? Who is theself-confidence for anyway? You or for someone else?Let me ask you another question. If you are stranded on a desert island do you need to have self-confidence? Well, you must have some faith in your abilities to find food and water and prepare shelter,otherwise you aren’t going to fare too well, but if you haven’t got these abilities you just have to learn them.And it is through the learning process that your confidence to be able to provide food and shelter for yourself develops. But that is a process that started internally. When you began, you were afraid that you wouldn’t beable to find food, but as you learned more, you realised that yes, you had no problem finding food so you feltself-confident. But that is a different scenario from the one we posed above.Biologically, it may make sense for us to have self-confidence, so we can survive and procreatesuccessfully, but socially, it seems that something has gone wrong along the way. Instead of something that builds steadily and carefully, all the time resolving conflicts along the way to have a whole confident being,we tell you that “confidence” in the modern world is an asset, and that those who have it will do well for themselves in life. So we bolt it on. Do you understand?Instead of evolving from a natural process where we are aware of ourselves, and our emotions, and dealwith conflict and trouble from the ground up, we are just told to plug in the confidence module andeverything will be all right. But what has happened here? We merely have a cloak over the authentic self,which is desperately trying to be heard.That is exactly what was happening to me in my life. I saw that confidence was an asset; I developed theskills necessary, and used it quite successfully; until one day, the inside couldn’t be contained any more, andI had a panic attack that scared me intensely. I couldn’t understand what was happening: One minute, I was aconfident (arrogant) young man sitting drinking a cappuccino in a hotel lobby with someone from work, andthe next I was going mad. My heart was beating so hard I thought it would come through my chest, my headwas swimming, I felt sick, dizzy, I had to get air so I opened the hotel room window, but when I looked