wondering how the child we brought into the world with love, cared for, fed, and clothed could say theseterrible things to us.I know it is only “natural” for us to feel hurt, but we must use our minds with intelligence; and see thatthe only reason for them to be cruel is because (a) they are hurting inside, and cannot deal with it, and (b) donot yet have the awareness of themselves to understand that their words and actions are hurting others.
Why do you hurt me?
I don’t know about you, but my mother never asked me this question; she either shouted at me or just burstinto tears. Personally, I could never see what all the fuss was about. I needed to get something off my chest,and I did. I didn’t care what I said as long as she stopped going on at me. In my twisted thinking it seemedthe right thing to do.I have said some pretty cruel things to my girlfriends in the past too, and when you are angry, or upset,and want to feel better, you find the weakest point in the armour to attack. “Yeah, but at least I’m not as fat asyou!” knowing full well that this is something with which the other partner already has low self-esteem.When we are on the attack, we always go for the weak spot. It makes sense if you want victory in a battle, but not when you are dealing with someone who loves you. We find weapons to attack with that we know areguaranteed to pierce the armour. We get our fatal blow in before our enemy has a chance to retaliate.But remember, this is someone you supposedly love you are talking to, not an enemy in battle – but theoutcome is the same. You defeat your enemy, but at great cost. You may have won and you may feel goodabout it, but your opponent is hurt so much emotionally, they may find it hard to forgive you.I know from personal experience, that using cruel words to my girlfriends was detrimental to myrelationship with them, but never once did they ask me “Why do you hurt me?” If they had actually asked methat question, I would probably have had no answer, as I was acting, not out of love and compassion, but outof the need to win, at all costs.It was only through the development of self-awareness and self-knowledge, that I transcended this abilityto be cruel. I began to see it as something inhuman, something that does not exist in the animal kingdomeither, and I started to watch myself as I spoke with others. Any time I could feel the urge to score a cheap point in an argument using something I knew would hurt them, I paid close attention to my mind, and askedmyself the question: Would I hurt someone I love? And believe me, we are always more cruel to the ones wesupposedly love.
When it gets physical
We have all heard stories in the press about parents being cruel to their children. There are horror stories of parents locking their children in cupboards, starving them, burning them with cigarettes or other objects, andfortunately it doesn’t seem to be reported all that often, but once is too much, so we need to investigate whyan adult would deliberately cause harm to his or her child. What thought processes are going on in the mind.Maybe we should ask them?
Why did you burn your child? From the reports it seems that, before the child died, it had over 50 burn marks on its body.
I ‘loved’ my child, but she just wouldn’t stop crying. I tried everything to calm her down, but shewas always a crier. The noise was in my head, I just had to make it stop. I didn’t mean to hurt her;I just wanted her to shut up.
But you knew you were hurting a defenceless infant, who could not fight back?
You don’t know what it’s like. Living there alone with a child crying all day long, I had to get her to stop, do you understand? She was driving me up the wall.And from that last statement we can see what is really going on. Although the cruelty was deliberate, it was probably not through a direct thought such as: “I will hurt that child,” or “I will burn them with a cigarette.”Most of our actions are transferred from the pain in our own mind onto someone weaker, that way, themind knows it is guaranteed some kind of relief from the pain it is going through. Clearly, the woman couldnot cope with the noise of the infant. She had many other problems in her life and this just tipped her over the edge.I believe that all humans are compassionate and loving in their nature, although they have the potential to