ell me. What do you desire in life? What do you really want? Some of you may desire peace on earth,happiness, or untold riches and power, but whether you desire to save the world or destroy it, you both originate from the same source.
The dictionary definition tells us that desire is a feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state; but why areyou unsatisfied? Were you born that way? Is it in your genetic heritage? Or is it something that creeps up onyou while you’re not looking and possesses you?First of all, we have to recognise that we are desire. It doesn’t matter where it originates from. We are told by the churchmen that desire is a sin, and that god will punish those who desire, but that’s all a bit too fireand brimstone for my liking. I want to get underneath the word and find out what it really means to desiresomething, why I desire it, and why I get angry when I can’t have it. Let us begin our discussion slowly andcarefully.I have always desired things, women mostly; not for who they were, but what they looked like. I desiredtheir full blooded lips, their breasts, their curved waists and their long legs and I wanted to have them now.Why shouldn’t I? After all, I desired them, so that was half way there to getting them into bed with me.Occasionally I got lucky, and had passionate sex with one or more of them, but in the morning, the feeling of contentment had gone and I was once again unsatisfied. Perhaps, as my therapist once said, the reason Idesired these women is that I was longing for love, but that couldn’t be it. I desired money as much as Idesired women, and money wasn’t a replacement for love (was it?)Maybe I just wanted to be happy, and that’s why I was desiring all of these material pleasures; but I felthappy and content in life, I just desired women and money, that was all, surely it didn’t make me a bad person? Maybe I was a sex maniac, suggested another therapist, and I desired women because I couldn’t ever satisfy my craving. But I wasn’t a sex maniac; I didn’t want to have sex with women all the time, andanyway, I had plenty of girlfriends who would have been more than happy to satisfy any unfulfilled sexualdesire. No, there had to be more to it than that.I once told a friend I was “in lust” with her; I didn’t really know what it meant but I had heard the wordused often. That’s it I thought, maybe this whole desire thing is just lust, and I started my journey to find outwhat it meant to be in lust, not just with a person, but with an object, or an idea.
A strong sexual desire
Self-indulgent sexual desire (personified as one of the deadly sins)
Have a craving, appetite, or great desire for
I lusted after one girl for quite a time. I loved her black hair, the shape of her mouth, her eyes, her large breasts, and her rounded bottom and long legs. She was “perfect” in my eyes. Her laugh was captivating, her conversation engaging. I was already in a relationship and I think she was too, and she was just a friend of afriend of a friend I happened to see occasionally in bars and cafe’s. I already had a girlfriend who had lovelydark hair, a captivating laugh, had nice breasts and long legs, and I thought I was in love with her; so I foundit a great surprise to see myself lusting around after this other girl, flirting and talking excitedly to her,without regard to my girlfriend.Every time she would come into the bar, I felt a wave of excitement come over me, my heart would startto pound. I loved the way she looked, with her green eyes, enhanced by mascara and her lips reddened bylipstick, and as she would come over to talk to me, I inhaled her perfume so deeply I could feel it engulf me.I loved her straight away, I wanted her to be mine, I didn’t want her to be with her boyfriend anymore, Ihated him, and how he touched her when I was around. I faced up to it that I was jealous.I wanted her more than words could hope to express, I wanted to spend every minute with her. I couldn’tstop thinking about her at work, and it was starting to affect my relationship with my girlfriend. I becamecold towards her, I didn’t want to make love to her any more. The smell of her perfume that once enchantedme, became sour. I had to be with this girl, I kept thinking, she is the one I love, not my girlfriend.My lucky break came one saturday evening during a party at the local bar, there were over 150 peoplethere, and we were all crammed in together, laughing and drinking. I saw her out the corner of my eye andsmiled at her. She came over:“Hi alan! Howya doing?”