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7 Steps to Self Confidence

7 Steps to Self Confidence

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Published by Kishore Potnuru

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Published by: Kishore Potnuru on Jul 02, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Jeanette Harvey
What is your typical reaction upon hearing something new – some newphilosophy or way of thinking, being or acting? Would all thepossibilities include acceptance of the new/different information,rejection of it, and/or feeling no connection to it or being neutral?How do you perceive yourself as a learner? Are you willing to look atsomething new/different with the possibility that you may be able toshift into a space of wonder and anticipation that you may be addingto your previous knowledge? If so, I welcome you to share thisapproach to a greater self confidence.Please take the journey through these 7 Steps and I am confidentyou will arrive at a stronger sense of self and an increase in your selfconfidence.
How many of us have really taken the time to get to know ourselves? Take thetime to thoughtfully answer these questions. Write them down somewhereprivate and leave some space between the answers to go back and add what isrequested at Section B.
What is my favourite colour? Why? What is my favourite food? Why?What is my favourite song? Why? What is my most valued possession? Why?What is my greatest strength? Why? Where is my greatest need to grow?Why? What is my greatest fear? Why? What is my best skill? Why? What ismy greatest mistake? Why? What is my greatest accomplishment? Why?What is the experience that brings me greatest joy? Why? What is the onetask that I am least fond of doing? Why?
Now as well as answering WHY to each of the above questions, try andunderstand the energy, feeling or emotion that is behind the answers that youhave written.
And now spend some time answering the following questions.
If I were to die today, what is the one thing everyone who knows me would sayabout me? What would I want them to say? Why wouldn’t or couldn’t they saywhat I would want them to say?
(Adapted from “Yesterday I Cried” Iyanla Vanzant)
It becomes easier to adhere to a set of rules – when you have created them andnot had them enforced upon you. In this time of rapid change how much morevalue is there in holding firm to your own principles? Many others appear to befloundering e.g. the troubles within some religions, politicians taking us to war,family values constantly moving.Consider some of the following and begin to choose what works for you:I don’t steal – from others, from the company, from anywhere; I don’t wastecompany time e.g. I limit personal calls at work to the necessities, I don’t takelonger than allowed for lunch etc; I don’t swear……in company…….. at work; Idon’t tell seedy jokes……..or racist jokes…….or jokes that denigrate others; Idon’t cheat on my partner.EXAMPLE: Someone could say, “I wouldn’t cheat on you because I wouldn’t wantto hurt you.” Now this is all well and good while everything is going well in therelationship. But, what happens if you have a fight? Often the one thing youreally want to do is HURT the other person, right???? So, if the only reason youhave this principle is because you don’t want to HURT the other person……howcan you deter yourself from just this course of action? However, if it is firmlyingrained in your set of personal values “I don’t cheat because…….. I don’t”, thenit doesn’t matter what other influence comes into play, does it?Notice that I said “I don’t” rather than “I won’t”? The experience of choosingone’s own set of core values is a most interesting and rewarding process thatprofoundly affects one’s level of self-confidence.
How much of what goes on in your head is generated by YOU. Think about it!Are you taking any notice, really taking time to notice? And more importantlyare you prepared to take any responsibility for what is taking up your thinking?Consider this as the conversation going on in your head – your privateconversation. And if it is a conversation then who is the listener?Your beliefs, thoughts, ideas, values, stories etc emanate from the myriad of your life’s experiences – or more importantly your interpretation of them.These experiences might have originated from your family culture andtraditions. They may have been influenced by your education opportunities. Weeach have unique personal experiences that impact upon our thoughts. Ourprofession or career may also impact on where our thoughts focus day to day.Are you contributing in a conscious manner?Stop right now and spend some time in thought about what has been goingaround in your head TODAY. Have you spent time thinking about your
conversations, your opinion, your options, your moves, your motives, your feelingsor your purpose, …….. or has you head just been filled with ….the newspaper, theradio, the TV, other people’s ideas, thoughts or demands? Would you like to bethe person who is directing your thoughts/listening?Then start right now. I challenge you to ‘listen to your listening’!One of the first steps to self awareness is taking the time to observe how youare listening to your own listening. Begin to listen to what is going on in yourlistening while you are conversing with another. Listen to what is going on in your listening while you are watching your colleagues in the office. Listen towhat is going on in your listening while you are driving in your car. And begin tolive in the question – “Why am I listening and observing this way?”
How well do you know your feelings, moods and emotions? Whilst we are oftenthe captive of our moods – it is not always a conscious observation. More oftenthan not our moods govern us. We often react and respond from our mood.What value do you think would be in choosing your mood?To capture the similarities among emotions, many researchers have tried toidentify basic or primary emotions. Robert Plutchik (
Emotions: A Phychoevolutionary Synthesis 
. 1980. Harper Collins Publishers, Inc) developed amost helpful model. In this model there are eight basic emotions which include joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation. Howsurprising that one of the most widely touted emotion is missing from this list –love!How many of us would have been able to name these eight? And if we couldn’tname them – then how could we identify them within ourselves? And if wecouldn’t identify them – how can we express them appropriately? Consider theliberation that would come about if what you initially felt as anger - could clearlybe identified as disappointment at the children leaving possessions lying about.You can deal with the disappointment by addressing the issue at hand (thechildren and possessions) – but what use would the anger be in your body or life?Consider keeping an emotional diary for a week to track the ups and downs thatare common to us all. Once we clearly identify our emotions or moods then wecan move to the next step of learning to shift them to a mood that serves us toour advantage. “Shift them”, you say? “I can shift them?” Well let me ask – if you can’t shift them – then who do you give permission or authority to? Howwould you feel if you took back that permission or authority and were thecreator of your own moods and emotions?

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