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An Interview With the Colonel

An Interview With the Colonel

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Published by Samuel Clemons

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Published by: Samuel Clemons on Jul 03, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Interview With The Colonel
Down a country road, and another ambling drive, is the burrow of Sir Samuel Zeus Clemons, or ashe prefers at times, Colonel. Situated on the edge of the woods, overlooking a dale, he can poke hishead out, see his patch of trees, or grassy glade, and give his world a good sniff. I drove down awinding path, horseback suitable more than my rental.Ducks, geese, chickens, were but a few- a veritable cornucopia of animals mingled about, obliviousto me, strange that – visitors apparently common here in The Colonel's Dale. The cozy cottage wasbuilt into the hillside as if part of the earth itself noticeable only because the door hung wide, crittersmingling stoopside.Cobbled stone lead me to the cottage, a rabbit jumped across my path, then thought better of it,stopped. Floppy ears hung low as it paused only long enough to take a look, and hop on it's way.I'd heard that Colonel Clemons kept all manner of animals about his house, and they mingled withlittle or no regard for species; comfortable with eath other. Something gave me the impression that therabbit had been sizing me up. The way it's eyes briefly looked into mine made me feel as if it wasmore than just a rabbit.An arched entryway, framed in stone beckoned. I walked into the foyer of an impressive room.The colonels desk was stacked with papers, two computers, some folders, a sort of radio station, threetelevisions were turned on with no volume, appointed with leather easy chairs, three sofas,incongruently there were two loose socks, and three pop tart wrappers on a well worn center table,near a silver candlestick. And books. All manner of books were strewn about this great room, open,bookmarked with shiny odd bits; stacked in piles; along the walls bookshelves with hundreds of titlesin no particular order, fiction mixed with history, science journals, white papers, text books, transcripts.The Colonel was a reader. Fantastic picture books lay open capturing my imagination of far offdestinations, insects, animals, architecture, spaceships, there was a rectangular picture book ofSasquatch open on the floor with what appeared to be a duck's webbed foot print waddled across onepage. Three podiums along one book shelved wall stood with working material, as if in Churchillianfashion the set up afforded him the ability to jump from work to work as his manic thought processesallowed.“Hello” a parrot called to me.“Why hello!” I smiled. “Do you greet all of The Colonels visitors?”“Welcome” was the bird's reply.“Thankyou” I said.“Welcome” repeated the exotic plumed talker. I could have sworn there was a slight “you're”preceding the word this second time.
Page 2
Still the oddness of the animals did not put me off my goal. I was here to interview SamuelClemons, who'd given me short quick responses to a list of questions the newspaper had sent him viaeMail. If taken seriously by Sam, they were not taken so well by the editorial staff, who promptlyasked him for a personal interview. Colonel Clemons quickly responded in the affirmative, and here Iwas.Clutching my original questions, I was determined to get something more elaborate than his quips.The in-person style suited me, as it would any journalist. As a writer, I had expected Sam to elaborateand embellish his answers more than he originally had. This intimacy and close proximity to theinterviewee would provide more forthright answers. Hopefully my Author Interview would yieldbetter results. I glanced at my original queries again..... 
: Sam, we noticed your Klout Score is 71, quite an accomplishment, and your ownFacebook Page, Blog, Website, Scribd Channel.
: I dabble.
: Sam, your tweets are often witty, biting and yet somehow resonate with people, doyou prepare them in advance, or do you just write them spontaneously?
Are you a Republican?
: You have renamed Saturday Sam Day. Why do you think you need a day namedafter yourself?
It does roll off the tongue doesn't it?
: Your Christmas tips were a big hit last year, and your Dating Tips on Scribd arefunny, what is your next series of Tips? Are you working on a new series?
: That's two questions.Sam's homespun humor was evident in this written interview. It was hard to determine if heintended for the Editorial Staff to take him seriously, or to avoid answering our questions. 
: Sam, your #FerretZen hashtag witticisms could be compiled into a book, do youhave any plans to save them, and keep them, or just continue to Tweet them?
: Who writes these questions anyway?

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Jo Champlin-Davidson added this note
It sounds like Samuel Clemons has an admirer and the bunny is really looking the ferret over. Samuel is not going tp have to be so alone and yes I think Samuel is repubicon and may run for higher office at least he says he is in 2012. I would support him. Love Angel and thanks for more than a 2 word ineterview.
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