July 1, Gladness In The Darkness

Take my soul, she said; it is a beautiful soul. It can worship God & knows the meaning of music & can imagine Paradise. If you go to the Marshlands with it, you will see beautiful things; theres an old town built with lovely timber, with ghosts in its streets. --Lord Dunsany

People make fun of Pollyanna; the book was written so long ago that they dont even understand the story. They only understand the Disney crap. Pollyanna is a story of a missionarys daughter whose mother died when Pollyanna was a year or two old and her father died when she was about ten years old of consumption, which is just another word for Tuberculosis. Some of you might be old enough to understand and remember the concept of the Missionary Barrel. I lived out of the Church Box during a certain period of my life, say, seven and eight years old,,,, but its the same concept. Pollyanna wanted a doll when she was about seven or eight, more than anything in the whole world, but in her missionarys barrel, at the bottom, when there is no hope for the doll she wanted, were a pair of crutches. Her dad, the missionary said Pollyanna, be glad you dont need to use them. He continued, Pollyanna, did you know there are over 400 times the word glad is mentioned in the bible? Ok, its schmaltzy, but its damn straight true. And Ive tried to live my life that way every day. Pollyanna called it The Glad Game. Why do I have to be courageous and strong? Because King David. Because Yshua with nails through his feet & hands and a sword through his side, and vinegar on a sponge, a crown of thrones and His Father disappearing on Him when before He lived inside His head & prayer was a shortwave radio. I went into surgery with Christ holding one hand & Pollyanna holding the other. I remember very little of it and I was grateful for that. Though that utter darkness, the unconsciousness is one of the scariest things Ive ever experienced. And Ive experiences it through many heart surgeries.

Ive been the invalid child most of my life. Look at that word for a moment
IN VALID

Invalid. Am I in valid in the manner in which I live my life? Id like to think not. Id like to think that I offer up my whole body of energy to the world and give to those around me that I see needing something that I have. But how can one tell they are doing that? How a woman tell if she is giving her all? Thats my question of this hot locust-driven night