line, yet I myself didn't know it at the time. We met in a town in Mexico,it was a Saturday. I ate cheese with him, it seemed very normal. We took awalk. The next thing I knew I was waiting for don Juan to pick me up, andI'd had no idea what had transpired. I left with a sensation, tremendouslyold, musty, kind, foreign, unthreatening. This weird nostalgia. It's beenas if I'd been involved in a fight that had no end. This is the first timeI truly realized that there were things with no end...I woke up in a peculiar town. There was a paved road, which sloped high inthe middle, a "1st gear" road. The first thing you see walking up thishill is the hats of the mexicans on the other side. It was a peculiarsensation, a "cinematic" one for me. So, I was watching that... (By theway, don Juan found this town to be the epicenter of "energeticconvolutions".) I was waiting for don Juan with this sensation ofnostalgia, but not for my life or past, it was foreign. So old, sad, yetcharming, haunting. It's never left me, I'm always playing with thatsensation, the neverending fight, with no possibility of looking for alull. don Juan said it was poison that the death defier left me. It waslike being prone, being ready, as if something is coming. A foreignfeeling.The next time I found the death defier, was at nearly the end of don Juan'slife. A small church in Tula - met a gorgeous woman. I had much fear atthe prospect, don Juan had to literally drag me to the church. There weretwo women nearby, with 3 men coming out from the church. The 3 men wentdown the stairs, and the two women went inside. "Where is he", I wonderedto don Juan, "the men left."don Juan responded, "Who told you that the death defier is a man?" Hepointed to the woman in the last pew. don Juan emplored me to "cross"myself, to observe the customs, and not to make a spectacle. The womanturned and smiled. At this point I ran out of the church, falling prey toa bout of asthma. I'd had asthma when I was a child...don Juan asked me, "why this fear?"My family name is Carlos Arana (pronounced "Arania"), and in portugese,Arana means "spider". don Juan asked, "What's wrong, Mr. Spider?" Themore I walked away, the more tachycardia (irregular heartbeat condition)acted up. Then I got insane and simply said to don Juan, "OK, lets go",and went back to the church and sat next to the woman.She had a raspy voice, as she greeted me and held my hand, "I like yourenergy...muy bien." She took me to dreams upon dreams - 9 days I was lost,although I thought it was one. don Juan told me that I'd came toagreements that I'd not be aware of until I was "fully grown".The death defier is as real as me or don Juan. A different, but bizarrepossibility which is available to us all, not that we'll take it. Thehuman unknown is as far away as anything, but it's still within our realmof possibilities. Wow! Who are we?!Are we just some travellers caught in some disgusting trap? Maybe. Forme, I saw the death defier and don Juan as navigators. I navigate,therefore who are we? Why accept what's been handed down--nagging, senility,discontentment, repetitiveness, with endless regrets--no desicions whatsoever.