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The Blob—A Memoir

The Blob—A Memoir



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Published by Harris Tobias
The Blob looks back on his career and tries for a come back.
The Blob looks back on his career and tries for a come back.

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Published by: Harris Tobias on Jul 10, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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 The Blob—A MemoirFirst off, I want to apologize to my fans. I’ve been in seclusion since myfailed comeback in an unfortunate remake of my 1958 classic,
The Blob
. The1988 release of the
Return of The Blob
was a big mistake, and for that I takefull responsibility. I have been brooding over that fiasco in my Beverly Hillsmansion ever since. Ashamed and addicted to alcohol and pain pills, it tookyears of therapy to undo the damage to my self-esteem. I am proud to say Iam currently clear headed and drug free. One day at a time.When my last film flopped, I went into a downward spiral. I blamed mywriter, my director, everyone but myself. I went on an eating binge andgained a lot of weight. I really became the blob. My affairs and divorces weresensational scandals and dominated the tabloids for months. My life was amess. There is no need to go into all of that here, suffice it to say, I retiredfrom public view and went into a 30-year sulk. Today, for the first time, I feelas though I can talk about my career without remorse. I would like thismemoir to be my first step on the comeback trail.The world has changed so much since 1958. Those were the Eisenhoweryears and, when I look back, I can see just how innocent we all were. Inthose days it was enough to simply eat a few citizens to strike terror into anentire town. Those were the golden years to be monster in Tinsel Town.
That’s not to say it was easy to get work, there were always younger,hungrier monsters waiting to eat my lunch. I had some stiff competition— The Creature From The Black Lagoon, The Thing, It Came From Outer Space,even Godzilla were all there, competing for scripts and headlines. But asfrightening as those monsters were, they weren’t The Blob. I was the bigcheese, the go to guy, the monster with the cult following. I had a lot of offers. My agent begged me to audition. I turned them all down. Lookingback, I regret my foolish pride.The competition was purely professional, though. Off camera we all werefriends. We hung out together. Sure we had different styles, differenthistories, but we were there for each other. We were pretty close, as closeas celebrities can be. We shared scripts, starlets, saw each other socially,and played golf. None of the kind of sniping and backbiting so commontoday. We took care of each other. We had a lot in common.But tastes change faster than an actor can adapt. The public wantedfresh thrills—creatures from space, big, dumb monsters that killed withoutreason, mutant insects that just ate and ate without the slightest feeling.Monsters today have it easy. Modern screen techniques do all the work, all amonster has to do is snarl and show its teeth and the technicians do therest. In the old days we really had to work to make look it real. Now someguy at a keyboard just pushes a few buttons. Sure some victim gets torn to
shreds, and you hear the bones crunch and his brains pop out of his ears,but it isn’t real. It has no integrity. It isn’t all that scary and it certainly isn’tacting. Where’s the art? When I ate someone, I felt it and the audience felt ittoo. And we did it in black and white. I’m not saying monsters were kinderthen, but somehow we were more human.A fickle public began demanding less gore and more relevance in itsmonsters. Young monsters, raised on Stanislavski, were only too happy tooblige. Hollywood spawned sexy monsters, monsters with motives, monsterswith angst for Pete’s sake, as if being eaten alive wasn’t horrifying enough,you had to care what his motivations were. It was the era of method actingand it spilled over to our kind. Personally I thought it was a lot of silliness— amonster needs motivation, since when?I don’t think much of today’s monsters; I would ingest the whole lot of them and not even burp. Aliens, mutants, zombies—fah!—the whole lot of them are no match for the Blob in his prime. These days, I don’t know, Ihardly eat anyone; I guess I’ve mellowed.My last film, the 1988 re-make of my cult classic, was a disaster, I admitit. I co-wrote the screenplay with the late, great Oscar Heimlich. It was agood gut wrenching eat ‘em up. It was our producer Leonard Malcontent’sidea to give the movie relevance. He saw me as a symbol, a vehicle todeliver a more subtle message— to reveal the dangers of Communism and

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1 hundred reads
Phantomimic added this note
Hey, I am fan, the Blob rules! Blob forever!
Joe Hagen added this note
Fun read! Thanxz for posting.

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