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Hundreds of Proofs of God’s Existence-From the Atheists of Silicon Valley

Hundreds of Proofs of God’s Existence-From the Atheists of Silicon Valley

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Published by: stephenking0078916 on Jul 27, 2011
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Hundreds of Proofs of God’s Existence
: Over Three Hundred Proofs of God’s Existence
(Originally adapted from a forum on the Internet Infidels.
From the Atheists of Silicon Valley Humor Page.) page-27 NOTE: For real proofs of the nonexistence of any god, see Wh Atheism? 
1. TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT, a.k.a. PRESUPPOSITIONALIST(I)(1) If reason exists then God exists.(2) Reason exists.(3) Therefore, God exists.2. COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT, a.k.a. FIRST CAUSE ARGUMENT (I)(1) If I say something must have a cause, it has a cause.(2) I say the universe must have a cause.(3) Therefore, the universe has a cause.(4) Therefore, God exists.3. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)(1) I define God to be X.(2) Since I can conceive of X, X must exist.(3) Therefore, God exists.4. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)(1) I can conceive of a perfect God.(2) One of the qualities of perfection is existence.(3) Therefore, God exists.5. MODAL ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT(1) God is either necessary or unnecessary.(2) God is not unnecessary, therefore God must be necessary.(3) Therefore, God exists.6. TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I), a.k.a. DESIGN ARGUMENT(1) Check out the world/universe/giraffe. Isn't it complex?(2) Only God could have made them so complex.(3) Therefore, God exists.7. ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICALARGUMENT (II)(1) Isn't that baby/sunset/flower/tree beautiful?(2) Only God could have made them so beautiful.(3) Therefore, God exists.8. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (I)(1) My aunt had cancer.(2) The doctors gave her all these horrible treatments.
(3) My aunt prayed to God and now she doesn't have cancer.(4) Therefore, God exists.9. MORAL ARGUMENT (I)(1) Person X, a well-known Atheist, was morally inferior to therest of us.(2) Therefore, God exists.10. MORAL ARGUMENT (II)(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking,gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.(2) That all changed once I became religious.(3) Therefore, God exists.11. ARGUMENT FROM CREATION, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROMPERSONAL INCREDULITY (I)(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and thereforeGod exists.(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity tounderstand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to beuncomfortable.(3) Therefore, God exists.12. ARGUMENT FROM FEAR (1) If there is no God then we're all going to not exist after wedie.(2) I'm afraid of that. (3) Therefore, God exists.13. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE(1) [arbitrary passage from OT](2) [arbitrary passage from NT](3) Therefore, God exists.14. ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the wholething to you stupid Atheists it's too complicated for you tounderstand. God exists whether you like it or not.(2) Therefore, God exists.15. ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE(1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys —you're obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothingyou say can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in myheart, and you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life."For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son intothe world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from theearth." John 3:16.(2) Therefore, God exists.16. ARGUMENT FROM BELIEF(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.(2) I believe in God.(3) Therefore, God exists.17. ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists.18. PARENTAL ARGUMENT(1) My mommy and daddy told me that God exists.(2) Therefore, God exists.19. ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS(1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.(2) They can't all be wrong, can they?(3) Therefore, God exists.20. ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY(1) Maranathra!(2) Therefore, God exists.21. ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMY(1) God exists, you bastards!(2) Therefore, God exists.22. BOATWRIGHT'S ARGUMENT(1) Ha ha ha.(2) Therefore, God exists.23. DORE'S ARGUMENT(1) I forgot to take my meds.(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!(3) Therefore, God exists.24. ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY(1) Eric Clapton is God.(2) Therefore, God exists.25. ARGUMENT FROM INTERNET AUTHORITY(1) There is a website that successfully argues for the existenceof God.(2) Here is the URL.(3) Therefore, God exists.26. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!(2) No one has ever refuted (1).(3) Therefore, God exists.27. ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.(2) Therefore, God exists.28. MITCHELL'S ARGUMENT(1) The Christian God exists.(2) Therefore, all worldviews which don't assume the ChristianGod's existence are false and incomprehensible.(3) Therefore, God exists.29. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (I)(1) Atheists are spiritually blind.(2) Therefore, God exists.

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