Muddled Puddles

From time to time, spouses, parents, friends, and children stumble through puddles andinadvertently splash water on themselves and each other, causing all parties to becomeupset. Usually, over time, the water dries, leaving only faint outlines on clothing and nomarks on the skin. Alzheimer’s disease seems to muddle these puddles. It seems to addan ingredient to the puddles that changes their nature. When caregivers stumble through puddles, they are left with stains on their clothing andon their skin. When people with Alzheimer’s stumble through the puddle, they are left with holes in their clothes which only they can see, and a stinging, burning sensation ontheir skin, which only they can feel.Prior to my diagnosis, I stumbled from time to time. I forgot to do this or that. I saidsomething that was true but I said it in an insensitive or inappropriate manner. I argued with my wife. I stumbled when dealing with others.Now, when I forget, people tell me it is okay because it is the disease, not me.Now when I make a mistake, people tell me it’s the disease’s fault, not mine. When I blurt out something I would like to take back and swallow, people tell me thatinappropriate outbursts simply come with the disease. When others tell me it is not my fault and attribute it to the disease, it leaves the stain of Alzheimer’s on their clothingand skin, and a sharp burning sensation in my mind.Prior to my diagnosis, my wife and I stumbled from time to time. We argued aboutinconsequential things: where we should eat, who spends more money on unnecessary clothes, where we should place the Christmas tree. These issues seemed to resolvethemselves. Now when we argue, we both start out from the assumption that one person will not understand the other. I have the disease, and my wife has her fears that colorher perceptions of everything. We are left stained and stinging, even by small,inconsequential puddles.Prior to the diagnosis, I stumbled with others from time to time. I was sometimes a tadarrogant. I was also funny, clever, and usually very kind. Others were willing to overlook my drive. After all, I was frequently right! Now, I am characterized by others assometimes out of control. “The disease has changed you,” they tell me. “You aren’t theperson you used to be.” I am burning and have no ointment to put on my oozing, bright-red, first- and second-degree burns.I react to puddles that never seemed to bother me before Dr. Alzheimer’s discovery found its way into my brain. Others react to puddles that didn’t seem to bother them before Dr. Alzheimer’s discovery found its way into my brain.