But discipline and will can only control the experience;they cannot create it. We can choose how to respond to theexperience of falling in love, but we cannot choose theexperience itself.
Falling in love is not an extension of one's limits orboundaries; it is a partial and temporary collapse of them.The extension of one's limits requires effort; falling inlove is effortless. (pg89)
When limits are extended or stretched, however, they tendto stay stretched. Real love is permanently self-enlargingexperience. Falling in love is not.
Falling in love has little to do with purposively nurturingone's spiritual development. ... when we fall in love it isto terminate our own loneliness and perhaps insure thisresult through marriage. (pg90)
If falling in love is not love, then what is it other thana temporary and partial collapse of ego boundaries?
...the temporary collapse of ego boundaries thatconstitutes falling in love is a stereotypic response ofhuman beings to a configuration of internal sexual drivesand external sexual stimuli, which serves to increase theprobability of sexual pairing and bonding so as to enhancethe survival of the spices. Or to put it in another, rathercrass way, falling in love is a trick that our genes pullon our otherwise perceptive mind to hoodwink or trap usinto marriage. (pg90)
The Myth of Romantic Love
This illusion (of love) is fostered in our culture by thecommonly held myth of romantic love, which has its originsin our favorite childhood fairy tales, wherein the princeand princes, once united, live happily forever after. (pg91)The myth of romantic love is a dreadful lie. (pg92)
More About Ego Boundaries falling in love is in fact very,very close to real love. Indeed, the misconception thatfalling in love is a type of love is so potent preciselybecause it contains a grain of truth.
The experience of real love also has to do with egoboundaries, since it involves an extension of one's limits.