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Love Defined by Scott Peck

Love Defined by Scott Peck

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Published by mastertoefl
This is an exert I have made from Scott Pecks book "The Road Less Traveled." The theme is on Scott Peck's definition of love and his description of true love.
This is an exert I have made from Scott Pecks book "The Road Less Traveled." The theme is on Scott Peck's definition of love and his description of true love.

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Published by: mastertoefl on Aug 02, 2011
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11/18/2013

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Love Defined (pg81)
 
What provides the motive, the energy for discipline. Thisforce I believe to be love. (pg81)
 
I define love thus: The will to extend one's self for thepurpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritualgrowth. (pg81)
 
You must forge for yourself an identity before you can giveit up. You must develop an ego before you can lose it.
 
Patients are generally very confused as to the nature oflove. (pg82)
 
Love is a strangely circular process. For the process ofextending one's self is an evolutionary process. When onehas successfully extended one's limits, one has then growninto a larger state of being. Thus the act of loving is anact of self-evolution even when the purpose of the act issomeone else's growth. It is through reaching towardevolution that we evolve. (pg82)
 
This unitary definition of love includes self-love withlove for others.We are incapable of loving another unless we loveourselves. (pg82)
 
Self love and love of others go hand in hand but thatultimately they are indistinguishable (pg83)
 
The act of extending one's limits implies effort. Love isnot effortless. To the contrary. love is effortful. (pg83)
 
Use of the word "will" I have attempted to transcend thedistinction between desire and action. Desire is notnecessarily translated into action. Will is desire ofsufficient intensity that it is translated into action.(pg83)
 
I therefore conclude that the desire to love is not itselflove. Love is as love does. Love is an act of will--namely,both and intention and an action. Will implies choice. Wedo not have to love. We choose to love (pg83)
 
Falling in "Love" (pg84)
 
 
We fall in love only when we are consciously orunconsciously sexually motivated. The second problem isthat the experience of falling in love is invariablytemporary. (pg84)
 
We know our size and our physical limits. These limits areour boundaries. The knowledge or these limits inside ourminds is what is meant by ego boundaries. (pg86)
 
The development of ego boundaries is a process thatcontinues through childhood into adolescence and even intoadulthood, but the boundaries established later are morepsychic than physical. (pg86)
 
It is lonely behind these boundaries. Some people--particularly those whom psychiatrist call schizoid--becauseof unpleasant, traumatizing experiences in childhood,perceive the world outside of themselves as unredeemabledangerous, hostile, confusing and unnurturing. Such peoplefeel their boundaries to be protecting and comforting andfind a sense of safety in their loneliness. But most of usfeel our loneliness to be painful and yearn to escape frombehind the walls of our individual identities to acondition in which we can be more unified with the worldoutside ourselves. The experience of falling in love allowsus this escape--temporarily.
 
The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is asudden collapse of a section of an individual's egoboundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identitywith that of another person. The sudden release of oneselffrom oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into thebeloved, and dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanyingthis collapse of ego boundaries is experienced by most ofus as ecstatic. We and the beloved are one! Loneliness isno more!
 
In some respects (but certainly not all) the act of fallingin love is an act of regression. The experience of mergingwith the loved one has in it echoes from the time when wewere merged with our mothers in infancy. Along with themerging we also reexperience the sense of omnipotence whichwe had to give up in our journey out of childhood. (pg87)
 
falling in love is not an act of will. It is not aconscious choice. (pg89)
 
 
But discipline and will can only control the experience;they cannot create it. We can choose how to respond to theexperience of falling in love, but we cannot choose theexperience itself.
 
Falling in love is not an extension of one's limits orboundaries; it is a partial and temporary collapse of them.The extension of one's limits requires effort; falling inlove is effortless. (pg89)
 
When limits are extended or stretched, however, they tendto stay stretched. Real love is permanently self-enlargingexperience. Falling in love is not.
 
Falling in love has little to do with purposively nurturingone's spiritual development. ... when we fall in love it isto terminate our own loneliness and perhaps insure thisresult through marriage. (pg90)
 
If falling in love is not love, then what is it other thana temporary and partial collapse of ego boundaries?
 
...the temporary collapse of ego boundaries thatconstitutes falling in love is a stereotypic response ofhuman beings to a configuration of internal sexual drivesand external sexual stimuli, which serves to increase theprobability of sexual pairing and bonding so as to enhancethe survival of the spices. Or to put it in another, rathercrass way, falling in love is a trick that our genes pullon our otherwise perceptive mind to hoodwink or trap usinto marriage. (pg90)
 
The Myth of Romantic Love
 
This illusion (of love) is fostered in our culture by thecommonly held myth of romantic love, which has its originsin our favorite childhood fairy tales, wherein the princeand princes, once united, live happily forever after. (pg91)The myth of romantic love is a dreadful lie. (pg92)
 
More About Ego Boundaries falling in love is in fact very,very close to real love. Indeed, the misconception thatfalling in love is a type of love is so potent preciselybecause it contains a grain of truth.
 
The experience of real love also has to do with egoboundaries, since it involves an extension of one's limits.

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