deeper into Hades, the Underworld, and spoke of his misery toHades, the Lord of the Underworld (who for some narcissistic rea-son named the entire world of the dead after himself, making it very confusing when discussing him). Hades (the Lord) put his scorchedand burning arm around Lecher, searing his jacket, and offered totake his problems off his hands for a small fiscal sum. Lecher, natu-rally, being lecherous, agreed.“Hades (the Lord) quickly summoned Golgotha, High-Priestess of the Gorgons to Hades (the place). The Gorgons were a hideous tribe of hideous women who resided deep within a hideousforest. Lord Hades gave High-Priestess Golgotha the assignment of killing Eurydice. With snakes for hair, tusks for teeth and open sorescovering their bodies, the Gorgons hadn’t many invitations to leavetheir forest much, and were as jovial as children in a butterscotchfactory when hearing from Hades and thusly fashioned pretty pink bows to their snakes, brushed their tusks and applied fresh ointment to their sores for this bright new day of murder.“Looking as presentable as possible, the Gorgons set off,quickly raided and ransacked the palace and beheaded poor Eury-dice. On her way out, Golgotha spied you, little Sophie, bundled uplike an angel. Having a healthy appetite and knowing the other girls would be hungry after their day of pillage and murder, Golgotha kid-napped you.“It took only a few days for Lecher to heal from his heartacheand decide to take a wife (bachelorhood was proving tiring). So heset sail with a ship of whores, planning to marry all fifty-five aboard. After heavy drinking of strawberry wine and gorging on suckling pig,Lecher recounted his tale of murder to his harem of beauties. Andthough the whore-wives were riveted, there was one set of earsamongst them who heard Lecher’s tales differently. ‘Twas Poseidon,the god of the seas, who had been eavesdropping, and such storiesbrought sickness to the deity’s belly. Poseidon, in his infinite wrath,quickly drowned the boat, killing all aboard. But this didn’t relievehis consternation; Poseidon had to know what became of you. Hesent forth his best spies who returned with word that you were deep within the hideous forest with those hideous women, the Gorgons,marinating in barbeque sauce and lemon cordial.