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Penis Owner's Instruction Manual

Penis Owner's Instruction Manual

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Published by: api-3703802 on Oct 14, 2008
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05/09/2014

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Penis owner\u2019s instruction manual
INTRODUCTION

Welcome to the world-wide family of penis owners. We trust that you will
enjoy many years of trouble-free service from yours. To help ensure that
you will, we encourage you to familiarise yourself with the following
equipment descriptions, operating instructions and maintenance
requirements.

BODY AND INTERIOR SPECIFICATIONS (all model years)
PENIS
Average length and diameter (flaccid)
3.5 x 1.25 inches
Average length and diameter (erect)
5.1 x 1.6 inches
Average percent increase in volume,
flaccid to erect
300% (wow!)
Longest medically recorded erection
12 inches
Amount of blood in erect penis
8 to 10 x normal
Average erections per night (while
sleeping)
5
Average duration of each nocturnal
erection
20 to 30 minutes
Estimated replacement value (good
condition model)
\u00a350,000

CAUTION! The following can shrink a relaxed penis by two inches or more:-
Cold weather, chilly baths or showers, sexual activity, exhaustion,
excitement (non sexual), illness and Richard Branson.

TESTICLES
Average length and width
1.4 x 1 inch
Average weight
0.875 x 1.75 ounces
Temperature
94.6 degrees Fahrenheit
Compartments within each
400
SPERM
Average body's production
50,000 per minute/72 million per day
(and remember lads, it only takes 1!)
Days to maturity
84
Number in ejaculate of average
fertile man
200 to 600 million
Number of ejaculate of infertile
man
less than 50 million
Percentage of total ejaculate
3%
Average swimming speed
1 to 4 millimeters per minute
Average life span once mature
1 month in you, 1 to 2 days in woman,
2 minutes on sheets

CAUTION!
The testicles need to be slightly cooler than normal body temperature for
optimum sperm production. That's why they hang away from the body.
Hot baths and tight underwear can depress sperm count and movement.

SEMEN
Average volume of ejaculate
0.5 to 1 teaspoon
Chief ingredient
Fructose sugar
Caloric content
5 calories per teaspoon
Protein content
6 milligrams per teaspoon
Average number of ejaculatory
spurts
3 to 10
Average interval of ejaculatory
contractions
0.8 seconds
Farthest medically recorded
ejaculation
11.7 inches
BLADDER
Average capacity
7 to 13 ounces
Normal flow
7 to 8 ounces per 10 seconds
OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS

1. DIRECT THE FLOW OF URINE The penis contains a narrow hose
called the urethra that is attached to the bladder. As the urine level
approaches the bladder's maximum capacity line, you get the urge

to pull over. When released, urine is flushed through the urethra, out
the tip of the penis and, according to most women, usually on to the
floor next to the toilet. Acting as a regulator for this process is the
Pubococcygeal (PC) muscle. This is what you flex to stop urine flow
or rid yourself of those last few drops. (It can also serve as an
orgasm regulator. See Troubleshooting" later in this document.)

2. BECOME RIGID ENOUGH TO ALLOW PENETRATION DURING SEXUAL
INTERCOURSE Your penis is equipped with twin hydraulic chambers.
During sexual stimulation, these fill with blood until the penis grows
firm and erect. After stimulation ends or there's ejaculation, blood
leaves these chambers and the penis softens again. There is usually
a recovery or "refractory" period ranging from a few minutes to a
full day (depending on the equipment's age) before another erection
can occur. About half of the penis is hidden inside the body, even
when erect. It is fastened to the pelvis undercarriage for support.

CAUTION! Any impact to the area where the penis attaches to the
pelvis can disrupt its hydraulic function.

3. DEPOSIT SEMEN WITHIN THE VAGINA DURING EJACULATION Sperm is
manufactured inside the testicles, those two ball joints below the
drive shaft. From here, it passes into a soft, fibrous organ behind
each testicle called the epididymis, where it acquires the long tail
necessary for swimming. Sperm then enters the Vas Deferens for
storage. This thin hose loops around and splices into the urethra just
below the bladder. When it's time to shift into sexual high gear,
sperm is mixed with liquid from the prostate gland and adjoining
seminal vesicles. The resulting transmission fluid, called semen,
gathers in a holding tank, which gradually swells to pinch the
bladder shut and prevent urine from trickling in. Finally the semen is
expelled from the body via the urethra by a series of muscular
contractions.

STARTING THE ENGINE

The key to your sexual ignition is not between your legs, it's inside your
head. The brain is man's biggest sex organ, sending nerve impulses
running down the spinal cord to trigger an erection. Keep in mind though
that since arousal is an electrical spark travelling the neural motorway it
can be dulled by a repetitive commute. So vary your starting procedure,
explore side roads, stop at a roadside service area, let your partner drive,
or, when applicable, road-test a new model.

HARD STARTING OR STALLING

If your penis fails to become erect, even after repeated cranking, or if you
have trouble maintaining an erection, let it idle for a while. Just about
every man experiences an occasional erection problem, so try not to let it
bother you. If you do it can develop into a psychological problem that can

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