being disdainful of his most personal problems or any other of the
that people use to drag one another down without appearing - even to
- to do so.
so one important thing about conscious resistance is that basically
it does not work! it is only there because of the superior strength of
counter-intention against which it is directed.
unconscious resistance, which has no conscious manifestation in the
form of a desire to resist or a feeling of the rightness of resistance,
is a far
more real and powerful element. it is the counter-intention.
in this case we have a conscious wish not to resist; to accept, to
feel, to act, to commit ourselves, to become involved in the direction
are unconsciously resisting.
so here the intention is to accept, while the strong counter-
intention is to resist, and the more we try consciously to break our
resistance, to allow our true feelings to manifest, to act according to
instincts, the more solid and effective that resistance becomes.
a man finds he is apparently unable to feel any love for his
let us suppose that the feeling is there, but he is resisting being
aware of it
for fear of the emotional consequences of allowing himself to feel and
express it. he has an unconscious agreement that feeling and
for his children makes him vulnerable, particularly to their possible
of him and his love.
now consciously he would like to feel such love, and at the same time
he ought to feel it. so he tries to create it. he decides to spend
with them, yet more interested in their personal problems. he tries to
relationship with them less formal and stilted. he allows them more
no love manifests. (solutions of this kind have no effect whatever on
unconscious resistance). if anything the resistance becomes stronger;
of the threat of the greater physical proximity with his children which
is forcing upon himself.