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Thought Paper

Thought Paper

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Published by Heather Copsis

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Published by: Heather Copsis on Sep 29, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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 1Heather CopsisNovember 19, 2009Interpersonal Comm. Thought PaperCouple Talk Walking out of the first interpersonal communications class I rememberthinking,
“Wow this class is going to be like therapy for me.” That is exactly what it 
turned out be. I can honestly say that Interpersonal Communications has been themost interesting and insightful class that I have ever had in high school and college.This class has taught me so much about each relationship I have in my life.The material that I found the most interesting and meaningful to me was thediscussion about Developmental Stages. Before learning about this, I never reallyknew why I was attracted to certain people or why things happened the way theydid. I have only had two serious relationships in my life. I dated a guy for about ayear and a half and we broke up just this past May. Things started to become reallybad between my ex and me and I finally c
ouldn’t take it anymore. I started talking tomy current boyfriend almost right after me and my ex broke up, but we didn’t start 
dating until this school year started. Learning about the different stages reallyhelped me see why things between my ex and me went so bad. Also, it helped me seethe difference between my current relationship and my last one.The first stage is attraction, which can be broken down into two parts;physical appearance vs. personality. These two different parts are two bigdifferences in my relationships. I really did not think my ex boyfriend was cute in
 2the beginning. He became a lot cuter as we got to know each other more. Hispersonality to me, at the time, was everything that I thought I wanted. So as timewent on his looks grew on me. In the back of my mind though, as mean as this cansound, I always thought that I could do better in the looks department. It wassomething that bothered me about the relationship every once in a while. Mycurrent boyfriend however, I was attracted to the first time I saw him. I can honestlysay he is one of the hottest people I know. So when we started talking and I foundout that he also had an amazing personality, it was like a win-win to me.Another part in the attraction phase is the idea of similarity. My ex boyfriendand I had a lot of background similarities like religion, being Greek, family values,things like that. We also got along really well, liked the same foods, and had similar
ideas about things. The only thing that we didn’t 
have in common was our age. Hewas ten years older than me, which is not that abnormal in the Greek community.With that age difference though, came certain expectations to act older than I reallywas. I think that because of those certain expectations in my last relationship, Iwanted the complete opposite in my next relationship. So my boyfriend now beingthe same age as me really was a turn on for me. I remember him telling me one day,
hat’ a
girl. W
ay to be 19.” When he said that I
was relived. I felt like I could finallyact my age around someone without him judging me, because he was the same ageas me.The next stage, Escalation, was pretty much the same for both relationships.Things between my current boyfriend and me moved a little faster then with my ex,
 3but I think that was because I was more attracted to my current boyfriend. Duringthe Navigation stage is when things between my ex and I started to get bad. He
moved into the “serious” phase of the relationship a lot faster than I wanted to.
It was my first relationship and I was only 17/18 years old. Every time he talked longterm like, marriage or kids, I just shut down and got scared. The thing that broke uswas that I never told him any of this. I just thought that because he felt like I was
“the one” that it must be
true; the only thing though was that I did not feel the sameat all. I never expressed any of this to him, so as time went on I just became moreand more closed off to him and our relationship. I was basically done with therelationship long before I broke up with him. That made it so easy for me to move on
to my current boyfriend. The last stage, Deterioration, didn’t really apply to my last 
relationship. Like I said, I was done with the relationship long before it really ended.S
o when we got to the deterioration stage I didn’t even want to try and work it out, I
knew it was over.The developmental stages taught me so much about why I was attracted totwo completely different guys. It also made me really take a good look at why mylast relationship ended like it did and what not to do in this relationship. The stageslet me look at my last 
relationship and now I’m ready
to take a look at my current relationship.My boyfriend and I get along great. We bicker and argue about things but we
very rarely fight. It’s the way we fight and how we go about it that makes our
fighting a negative pattern for both of us. Like I mentioned before my current 

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