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The Friday Aggravate 05-05-2006

The Friday Aggravate 05-05-2006

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Published by api-3744461
Friday Aggravate 5th May 2006
Friday Aggravate 5th May 2006

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05/09/2014

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\u201cThe Friday Aggravate\u201d5th May 2006

This one is here for all the footie fans.
The AFL announced that the game
points are to be awarded to the
Fremantle Dockers.

The irony of the past week not being
lost on a Western Australian news
paper cartoonist.

However, our thoughts and prayers
are for the families and all involved at
Beaconsfield, and just hope that the
media can quietly get lost for making
a circus of a very sad situation.

A warm and fuzzy message to start
with, and you wonder why I do it. Here
is you answer.

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it
suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He
wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine
marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-
pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the
gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveller asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had
been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through
a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."

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"How about my friend here?" the traveller gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a
bowl beside it.
The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveller asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveller said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."

Soooo.

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.
Maybe this will explain.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.
Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you
are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime.
There are a few of you who have seen this previously, and know where it came from
however, the message is very clear.
A general store owner hires a young female shop assistant who likes to wear very short skirts

and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and glances
at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he
has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely.
The female assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on
the very top shelf.
The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he
surmised he would.
Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two loaves as he is having
company for dinner.
With each trip up the ladder the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer.

2

Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see the assistant climb up and
down.
After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread
herself.
Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She
notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd staring up at her.
Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin too?"
"No," croaks the old man, "but it sure is a quiverin\u2019."

A lawyer and a blonde happen to be sitting next to each other on a long cross-country flight. The

lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. Now this blonde happens to be highly intelligent, but she is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works.

"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer: "Okay, how about this: if you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless
she plays, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde
doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes
back down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop
computer and searches all his references. He taps into the air-phone with his modem and
searches the internet and even the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his colleagues and friends, trying to get some help.
All to no avail.

After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and
hands her $500.
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who cannot

imagine what the answer is, is going nuts trying to
figure it out.

He wakes the blonde again and asks: "Well, so
what goes up a hill with three legs and comes
back down with four?"

The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the
lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep $490.00 better
off.
From Sir Harry Loyne, of Beafe come this gem.
Holy bear
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