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The Merits of Marriage

The Merits of Marriage

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03/18/2014

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The Merits of Marriage
Khutbah by Shaykh Abdul-Muhsin al-Qaasim

O Muslims! The family is the foundation of the community, and from it nations are produced which then spread and increase. The core of the family is the husband and wife; Allah says that (which translates as): \u201cO Mankind! Indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another...\u201d (Al-Hujuraat: 13).

Allah has made the family a place where people resort to for peace, tranquillity and stability.
Marriage is the means to increasing the population of the earth, to attain tranquillity of the heart
and to enjoy the pleasures of life. The marital home organises ones life and establishes chastity
and protection; Allah has made marriage a way of joining different and distant families; Allah
assured us that this is a sure way of increasing ones provisions, as He says that which translates
as: \u201c... If they [i.e., your wives] should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty ...\u201d (An-
Noor: 32).

Married couples have many worries, but good treatment and kindness to each other make them
disappear; Allah says that which translates as: \u201c...And live with them [i.e., your spouses) in
kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein
much good\u201d (An-Nisaa\u2019: 19).

The condition of one\u2019s family is constantly fluctuating between calm and complaint and
contentment and discontent; man should always forgive mistakes and overlook shortcomings and
be kind and compassionate, because woman was created from a bent rib. It is by persevering
and being patient through that which the husband hates of the wife\u2019s behaviour that things
improve. The Prophet sallallaahu \u2018alaihi wa sallam said: \u201cTake good care of women, for they

were created from a bent rib, and the most curved part of it is its top; if you try to
straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain arched, so take good care of
women.\u201d(Bukhari & Muslim).

Whoever comes from a kind and compassionate background will have a tender heart and so such
men must bear in mind that their wife is the one who gave birth to his children, takes care of his
wealth and maintains his secrets. So be kind to your wives and openly express your joy for
smiling livens the heart and wipes away hatred and praising the wife for her appearance, cooking
and adornment wins her heart.

Exchanging gifts is the key to winning a heart and is a reflection of one\u2019s love. Being easy upon one\u2019s wife, abandoning ambiguity and bad communication and arrogance are ways to achieve a lasting happy marital life. \u2018Umar, May Allah be pleased with him, said:\u201cA man should be like a

child with his wife, happy and easy going, but when he sits with men, he should act as
they do.\u201d

Be an upright and straightforward man and your wife will thereby also improve and become more righteous, by the will of Allah; do not look at that which is unlawful for you to do so, because the evil consequences of this sin will impact upon your house; Watching women on satellite television causes one\u2019s wife to appear ugly and unpleasant, and lowers one\u2019s rank in her sight, which is a reason why hearts become distant and love diminishes, which in turn causes conflicts to emerge. Deal with your wife as you would like her to deal with you in all areas, because it is natural that she would like you to be with her as you would like her to be with you, Ibn \u2018Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, said: \u201cI like to take care of my appearance for my wife just as I would like her to beautify herself for me.\u201d

Listen to your wife\u2019s criticism with an open mind and heart because the wives of the Prophet
sallallaahu \u2018alaihi wa sallam, would discuss his opinions without him becoming angry. Also

a husband should not take from his wife\u2019s wealth without her permission, because it belongs to
her; treat her kindly and be generous with her and do not be stingy; remember that your wife likes
to talk to you regarding all her affairs, so be attentive and listen to her, indeed this is a reflection
of perfect manners; never go home with a gloomy face because your children need to clearly see
your love and sympathy; be kind to your children and make them enjoy your presence, guidance
and instructions and always listen to them.
Whenever the Prophet sallallaahu \u2018alaihi wa sallam would see Faatimah, may Allah be pleased
with her, he would say \u201cWelcome, O my daughter!\u201d then he would seat her to his right or left.
(Muslim).

Being kind to the members of one\u2019s household reflects real manhood, as Al-Baraa\u2019, may Allah be pleased with him, said: \u201cI entered upon Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, in his house; he saw his daughter \u2018Aa\u2019ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, lying down with a fever, so Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, kissed her on the cheek and asked: \u2018How are you feeling my

daughter?\u2019 (Bukhari).
Helping at home is a sign of one\u2019s faithfulness; \u2018Aa\u2019ishah may Allah be pleased with her, was
asked what the Prophet sallallaahu \u2018alaihi wa sallam would do while at home, she replied, \u2018He
was just like any other human being, he would sew his garment, milk the sheep and serve
himself.\u2019 (Ahmad).

Being generous with one\u2019s family is the best charity that one can give and time spent with one\u2019s
friends should not be at the expense of that with one\u2019s family, for they are worthier to spend one\u2019s
time with. Never remind your wife with mistakes that she may have made, nor hint about her
shortcomings; conceal your problems from the children because it has a negative affect on them
and reduces the respect they have towards their parents. Anger is the cause of all disputes, and
the relation between a man and his wife is far too valuable to ruin in a moment of anger; remain
silent whenever you become upset and remember that forgiveness is closer to piety and wisdom,
\u2018Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said: \u201cWomen should be kept at home and their anger
dealt with by remaining quiet.\u201d

The rights of the wife are great and only a noble man will fully honour his wife and respect her.
\u2018Aa\u2019ishah may Allah be pleased with her, said: \u201cThe Prophet sallallaahu \u2018alaihi wa sallam would
always mention Khadeejah, and he would always slaughter sheep, divide them, and then
distribute it among her friends, He did this so much that I once said to him: \u2018You act as though
there are no other women apart from Khadeejah\u2019\u201d (Bukhari).

The smart wife is the one who makes her heart an abode of relaxation and tranquillity for her
husband, and who makes him feel joy just by talking to her; she lives with him in contentment and
deals with him kindly. She obeys him in all matters except when it entails disobedience to Allah
and she acknowledges the favours that he has done for her. Also, she fulfils all her rights and
accepts that he has a superior standing and a higher rank than her, as the Prophet sallallaahu

\u2018alaihi wa sallam said: \u201cIf I were to command anyone to prostrate to another human, then I
would have commanded the wife to prostrate to her husband.\u201d Shaykh Al-Islam Ibn
Taymiyyah, may Allah have mercy upon him, said commenting upon this Hadith: \u201cThere is no
right after those of Allah and His Messenger sallallaahu \u2018alaihi wa sallam which is of a
higher priority to fulfil than that of the husband.\u201d

The righteous wife reminds her husband about Allah when he become heedless; if she sees that he is becoming indulged in this life, she reminds him of the Hereafter; she helps him through the hardships of life and never exposes his secrets; she always obeys him and supports him in his dutifulness to his parents because she realises that they were the ones who raised and cultivated him; she seeks her Lord\u2019s pleasure by pleasing her husband and never focuses on his mistakes

or exposes his shortcomings; she looks after him when he is present and absent; she honours
him when he is around and defends him when he is absent; she never overburdens him with
unnecessary expenses; her main concern is to please Allah by virtue of pleasing her husband;
she cultivates his children upon righteousness and never disobeys any of his commands.
The Prophet sallallaahu \u2018alaihi wa sallam gave his wife Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with
her, glad tidings of a house in Paradise which is made out of pearls and in which there will be no
displeasure nor anxiety; Imaam Ibn Katheer, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: \u201cThis was

because she never raised her voice over that of the Prophet sallallaahu \u2018alaihi wa sallam
and was never displeased with him, even for a day, and she never harmed him in any
way\u201d.

A wise woman once advised her daughter at the time of her wedding by saying: \u201cO my daughter!
You will never get what you desire from him until you give precedence to his pleasures over yours
and his desires over yours whether you like them or hate them.\u201d
Chastity is the core of a noble life, and the real beauty of a wife is realised when she remains at
home, as \u2018Aa\u2019ishah may Allah be pleased with her, said: \u201cIt is better for the woman that men never
see her and she never sees them.\u201d

A religious woman who is obedient to her Lord will never deal with her husband with arrogance,
nor will she rebel against his guardianship; she will never try to assume his role; she always
seeks his comfort and is always at his service; she will never go to sleep while he is angry with
her, until she has pleased him, because she realises that her success and her gaining of
Paradise is subject to her obedience to her husband, along with fulfilling her obligations to her
Lord.

O Muslims! Gratitude for a favour from Allah can never be expressed by sinning; the wedding
night is one of the greatest favours of Allah upon the husband and the wife, and it is impossible
that one\u2019s gratitude to Allah for it is expressed by the women being practically nude (i.e., wearing
clothes that expose too much of the body) even if that is only in front of other women, for this is a
contradiction of chastity and bashfulness. We must know that women are weak and must be
prevented from doing such acts by their guardians.

Music during weddings is also prohibited, except that which Islam has made permissible, such as
women beating a tambourine; Photography is also prohibited and the person doing it is cursed
and promised Hell, as the Prophet sallallaahu \u2018alaihi wa sallam, said: \u201cEvery depicter (of animate
object) is in Hell.\u201d It is possible that photographs of women could accidentally get into the hands
of those for whom it is not permissible to view, which would lead the marital house being ruined.
Moreover, the scholars of Islam have ruled that this is forbidden.

Also, accepting an invitation to a wedding which includes prohibitions is not permissible unless one is sure that they can prevent such prohibitions from taking place. We must also know that excessive expenditure during weddings and flaunting this has a very bad effect on the husband and is one of the traps of Satan, if only people would spend this money to build a home for the couple or pay off the husbands debts, then it would be much better for them.

O Muslims! Some women are too shy to complain, their screams are hidden deep within their
wounded hearts; their lives are an emotional struggle, they go to bed with worry and sorrow, the
concern for their valuable days and nights keeps them awake; every sunset makes them feel
desperate and anxious that they will not fulfil their dreams \u2013 that of enjoying a happy married life;
their fear is that they will become spinsters and never enjoy marital bliss or motherhood; they fear
that their lives will be wasted due to the impossible conditions set for their marriage, which any
potential husband could never agree to.

Other women have preferred the completion of their studies to getting married and have then
suddenly realised that men are not interested in them anymore because they are too old; what is
the value of a degree that deprives a woman of a husband and children?

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