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G_Of Oxford and Cambridge

G_Of Oxford and Cambridge

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Published by api-3752698
Funny anecdotes & quotes from Oxford & Cambridge universities
Funny anecdotes & quotes from Oxford & Cambridge universities

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Published by: api-3752698 on Oct 16, 2008
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05/09/2014

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Oxford and Cambridge
Hi,
This is a compilation of humorous quotes from people (mostly lecturers) at
Oxford and Cambridge. I found them all on Web.
Yours,
Gautam.
OXFORD
1989
This lecturer seems to have a tautology problem:
\u2022
"A mapping is 1-1 and onto if and only if it is 1-1 and onto."
From a lecturer who knows exactly what he intends to do:
\u2022
"....and now we need to increase n. The best way to increase n is to
increase n."
Obviously a student who didn't like his lecturer:
\u2022
"Oh dear, where's my rifle...."
In the middle of a difficult proof:
\u2022
"This is the stage where I start to pray"...
followed by...
"Somebody up there is being kind to me, are they?No."
followed by...
"I've done something silly with a square root of 2."
Some Integration quotes:
\u2022
"You can sleep if you want."
\u2022
"It's delicate to get your hands on it."
\u2022
"Will weall agree to shut that one in a cupboard?"
\u2022
"Well we can't quite stop yet - although I am tempted..."
\u2022
"This is fun:lo t s of magical ways to solve differential equations!"
A disillusioned lecturer:
\u2022
"In the old days, thep u re days..."
Some quotes from a statistics lecturer:
\u2022
"This is a stupid example - you can see why; it's ane xam question."
\u2022
"We observe approximate approximation to.. .. "
Yet *more* integration quotes:
\u2022
"Integration by parts is not economical on paper"
\u2022
"It's all so simple it's hard to remember"
\u2022
"I worked it out last night - let's see if it works in the daylight"
This term's contradictions prize:
\u2022
"I want to stop looking at inhomogeneous equations and start looking at
inhomogeneous equations"
Nope, this isn't 'Hurricane':
\u2022
"Imagine me running towards you at root-three-over-two c"
You'll never guess what - we had an incredibly quotable integration lecturer:
\u2022
"Has anyone got it out yet? (Pause) You'ren ot doing it are you?"
\u2022
"It looks an incredibly integrable function !!"
\u2022
"Proof's easy, by the way, provided I keep my act together"
\u2022
[to a moving blackboard] "SIT!!!"
\u2022
"I'll just reassmble the duster"
\u2022
"Take the computer and it will dolo t s of things while you're at the pub"
Some quotes from a Rings and Groups lecturer:
\u2022
"Examples come in two types: interesting ones and examination ones"
\u2022
"Now I run down the r's and up the b's"
A befuddled lecturer:
\u2022
"Is this the right lecture theatre?"
Even More Quotes:
\u2022
"The proof is not required for finals, but I'm going to give you it anyway
because it's nice."
\u2022
"multiplied by the stupid derivative dFx"
\u2022
"I'd thought we'd spend the rest of the day in light entertainment: Let's do
some schools questions!"
\u2022
"Questions are easy, with a bit of luck"
\u2022
"If you want to cut corners, an intelligent corner to cut isno t to learn the
proofs ofany of these theorems"
\u2022
"I'll take a special delta when I see what I need"
\u2022
"If x were negative this would go sky-high - it wouldb las t off the map"
\u2022
"Can I bring along an elephant and some trumpets to draw your
attention..."
\u2022
"Pinch yourself, kiss your neighbour, anything to draw attantion to this"
(loud kissing sound of student kissing neighbour)
\u2022
"Let me make a mistake now"
\u2022
"That womanc an't clean the board. I pay someone to clean the floor at
home and then I come here and spend 15 minutes mucking around"
\u2022
"We could do it if we could pull the sum sign through and that's what God
gave us the monotone convergence theorem for"
\u2022
"...and at this stage your heart should have as li gh t hiccup"
\u2022
"...and at this stage you should go and have a beer"
\u2022
"Now we go into automatic drive and finish this off"
\u2022
"I'm going to use this diagram. It's notc o mple t e ly silly"
After turning out all the lights:
\u2022
"Sot h at 's what these switches do!"

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