people give me in exchange for the free patchouli oil I offer them? Every month, I makemore oil
. And my friends seem to like it, they certainly take it. But the donations aren’tenough. Stupid economy. I shouldn’t have to get a job, why me? W
hy why why?They have profited off of the torture, confinement, and cruel treatment of countlessnonhuman animals, and actively hide these practices.
We’re just gonna come out and say
it: animals are people too. Frankly, we took a poll and found out we
’re all vegans whichmeans we’re simply better people than you. And sorry to say, if you aren’t vegan…we
think that the animals are better people than you too.They have held students hostage with tens of thousands of dollars of debt on education,which is itself a human right. What? Where is it in the Declaration of Rights? Thatdocument was written by
dead white men, man. We’re all over it when it comes to freespeech and anything we like. But the stuff we like that isn’t in there, like universal h
ealthcare? Education? Weed? Those are HUMAN rights, ya dig?They have influenced the courts to achieve the same rights as people, with none of theculpability or responsibility. I mean really. Sure. There are 26 types of snails and slugs inOregon that might be endangered and yes, of course, they are people too. But no, a
corporation isn’t worth the life of even one Columbia Dusky Snail.
They have sold our privacy as a commodity.
Again. It’s a human right to
be able tosearch Craigslist for a little person clown with a foot fetish that I can slather withmayonnaise
without anyone finding out….not that I ever did. Someone hacked into my
computer and if that is what you found--did you find anything weird? Never mind.They determine economic policy, despite the catastrophic failures their policies haveproduced and continue to produce.
They believe in that whole “money” thing! Obviously,
we should be in charge of economic policy.
It’s all we talk about while playing
hacky-sackat Dead shows. Economic policy is easy, especially once you've dropped a few tabs of acidand pulled a few bong hits.They have donated large sums of money to politicians supposed to be regulating them.Because, really, nobody is supposed to give money to politicians who can actually affect
their situations. We’re not really sure what that “quid pro quo” thing is (sigh. Latin.
in, dead white men.) but we’ll be giving money only to politicians who cannot do
anything to help our cause. That will set a good example for corporations.They continue to block alternate forms of energy to keep us dependent on oil. Really,
have to rely on evil corporations for most of these alternative forms of
energy…we favor compost heaps. Nice, warm, fragrant compost heaps
. Where can I plugmy Macbook Air in, again?They continue to make a profit. Some Big Pharma companies block generic forms of medicine to do so. Somebody tried to explain that this profit is how those companies fundthe research that led to the discovery of his cancer treatment, but he got shouted down, the