Keep it Simple.

By Mark Aubrey.

Contents.
Chapter Part One: Tales from the Lone Warrior 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. Seeds of Doubt Unexplained Stuff First Light Long Interlude Big Jigsaw Puzzle Experiments Deeper Still Big Red Kundalini Wider Horizons Time Out Transformation begins Being Your-Self 6 15 22 33 49 57 77 86 105 114 137 151 171 Page.

3 Part Two: Keeping it Simple 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. Beliefs Perception Boundaries Where are we going? Even Conspiracies Simplicity in Action The White Light Method Dealing with the Dark side Big Love The Guides The Higher-Self Meeting your guide Blocks and rocks Your place 190 193 200 211 213 215 217 220 222 225 229 233 236

27. 28. 29.

A little thing called karma Relating Helping Yourself

239 241 248

4 30. 31. 32. Reincarnation Soul Mates Remember 252 257 260

Introduction.
This book was conceived of when I was fifteen years old, when I knew it was to be a book showing others that spiritual growth doesnt have to be the difficult road weve always been led to believe it should be. As such, the book is a recapitulation of the people and events that brought me to a bigger picture awareness of us as Eternal Spiritual Beings. It also illustrates the difficulties we face in our growth to awareness and how they are created by the exact things we believe about ourselves and reality. As an autobiography it also leads us through the different stages of growth, the levels of inner fear and turmoil we all face when we hold the intention of sharing what we know is already inside us. And it illustrates the ridiculous nature of our brainwashing; the mould we are created in by our respective cultures. This book seeks something from the reader; it desires you to grow for yourself to your own higher awareness, without the restrictions often placed upon us by belief pressures and acceptable mores of our culture. To do this, the tale takes you on an adventure through unbelievable events and situations that were, in fact, very real. The book also asks you to suspend judgment while it illustrates other realms and realities that we have been allowed to forget, so we dont wake up. Lastly, this book was written for all people to know it is themselves who have power and choice in their lives on this world. For you to know, all thats needed to make positive change in the world is more people like you standing up for change and not allowing our real power as a population to be drained away. This book asks you to take your power in life, look outside the box, look inside yourself for every answer and live as the great being you truly are. Mark Aubrey. 2006.

Seeds of Doubt.
There is only one thing faster than the speed of light and that is the speed of doubt.
Sandman. G.N.W.

1967, mankinds competitive nature was causing him to race headlong toward the moon and our world was giving birth to a new sub-culture that came flowering forth into almost every home on the face of the planet. I was seven years old, my outer Melbourne suburb seemed as far from the latest trends as any human civilization could get. Yet life was exciting, with every morning came the hope of finding racing-cars or Apollo Mission models in the cereal box and thoughts of what fun I could find for myself. During this time the two most interesting events of that seven short years occurred, they have stayed clear in my mind for every day that has passed from then until now. The first came about when my mother was getting us ready to go out one morning. Mum succeeded in dressing me against my will and sent me outside to do my sulking. She reminded me to not get my good clothes dirty and said, in all seriousness, that if I did not pull my bottom lip up a bird would shit on it. I stormed outside, furious with mum, and looked up at a squawking seagull while it dropped a silky strand of white behind it. Splat! From forehead to jaw, I was covered in warm seagull droppings with the worst being reserved for my sulking lip and open mouth. When I looked at her, my mother was laughing at what she had just seen through the bathroom window. Right then I wondered if mum was really a witch, making it happen just to teach me a lesson. Being furious didn't help matters, I was now embarrassed, peeved that mom was so right, and still wearing the stuff. Mum came and cleaned me up, chuckling to herself all the while. I dont remember ever pouting again. Why take the risk of a repeat.

7 The second event came after an average type of day, nothing spectacular happened until after mum tucked me into bed with a kiss goodnight, she turned off the light and soon enough I was asleep. It didn't seem like I had been in bed long, when someone began calling me to wake up. Mark. I open my eyes to find the ceiling inches away from my nose and gently rolling over to the right presents the view of somebody sleeping in my bed. Gazing down from this vantage point I notice that this somebody is a grey, clay statue of me. At least it looks a little like wet clay. When I thought of getting down to the floor, I am there, standing at the foot of my bed watching the lump that lays asleep in it. There comes a hunger deep within that I feel absently as the need for food, immediately moving me out of my room toward a hall connecting the bedrooms to our living and kitchen areas. Looking at the floor shows that my feet arent touching the ground, I am gliding along on the air and here in the dark I can clearly see a glow coming from me. It lights up an area all around. This doesnt feel like a normal dream, there are no emotions, only a soft lightness and something else. Something so vague as to barely register and yet it is not vague. The reality of this experience dawns on me as I stop at my sisters open door, to see through her window, the milkmans horse and cart doing the rounds. So I watch the horses sure-footed gait as he plods along and expels his breath into the cold winter air, creating long plumes of condensed cloud. Meanwhile, the milkman rushes about from cart to doorstep and back again, exchanging empty bottles for full in an endless run throughout this chilled night. Mark. Comes the calling, softly, almost feminine, yet I do not hear it with my ears. Moving on along the hallway I turn left into the kitchen and come to a halt at the refrigerator. Instinctively, I reach out for the handle to open it as I have done

8 so many times before, but it does not open. My hand, as solid to me now as ever in the day, slips through the handle giving me an exciting, tingling sensation. I enjoy it, so repeat the action a dozen or more times with the handles and knobs in our kitchen, to find the same result. By this time I am curious with my findings, the feeling of hunger has gone and is replaced with a yearning to understand this. Mark, again the calling. Yes, I hear you, I am coming, I answered in thought and realize that I heard the calling as if someone had gently whispered inside my mind. Thinking it is my mother calling me, I decide to go to my parents room. The gliding resumes back along the hall and into their bedroom. Mum is sitting up reading by the light of a small headboard lamp while dad is curled up and snoring - a male family trait. Trying to communicate to her I think, Yes mum, Im here. She didnt seem to hear me so I tried again. Mum, I yelled at her. This is very annoying, why cant she hear or see me? Mum still reads on oblivious to me and I dont understand. Mark come. Inside my head the voice is vaguely familiar, caring and tender. Then I understand that I must follow this feeling, again I glide effortlessly back into my own room, to see, waiting for me is the caller. No fear rises up, only a sense of something long past, a knowing without details. Across the room where there is normally a solid wall, I see an undefined shimmering area and halfway between floor and ceiling, in this area, is a man old beyond time. He sits cross-legged in the air as if this was the most simple thing to do, and he wears the long white robes that I know, I too have worn. His long silver white hair and beard frame a face with large, deep, almond shaped eyes. And I sense unremembered feelings bubbling up, threatening to burst fully into my awareness. His smile brings a warmth of Love that floods me completely, increasing my glow to a radiant light. Do you remember? he smiles lovingly. Yes my old friend, yes I do know you, I think to him and a deeper

9 recognition urges me to flow past this moment until I know no more of the night. Waking up to the growing light of a new dawn brings an inner joy which buoys me so much, I cannot wait to tell my family. Full of enthusiasm, I found it difficult to hold my tongue until all the family were at the table for breakfast. Dad, I began smiling, Guess what happened last night? As the tale unfolded, I saw mum suppress a smile while dad continued eating, apparently listening intently. I was still feeling elated by the events of the night and was expecting positive feedback. When finished the telling of my story, I looked to my father for his understanding, as surely he must if we all experience these things. What followed was an extended pause as he frowned a little, perhaps trying to find the right words to reassure me. Minutes seemed to slip by during this quiet, no-one ate until his frown relaxed, then carefully placing knife and fork on the table, he took a sip of tea before turning to me. With an expression of concern on his face he said, It was just a dream, thats all. Dont tell anyone else! Strike one for the boy. That was that, discussion finished. If dad said it was a dream, just a dream, then how could I disagree. He was, as my authority figure, the person who must have known best. Yet deep within I knew the truth of the experience without question. Here was the process we all undergo, of socialization, impregnating young minds with the imperatives and acceptable doctrines of western culture. To the disadvantages of Self Knowledge. Three years later, in another part of the country, events began to occur which again brought western beliefs to loggerheads with the spirit, the real Experiencer. The setting was a few miles west of a picturesque township on Queenslands Sunshine Coast, where long summer days seemed to go on forever and where a ten year old boy was soon to discover new surprises. For whatever the reason, on this day I was home

10 alone, amusing myself by shooting home-made Lantana arrows with my old fibreglass bow. Soon enough I ran out of arrows, targets and therefore interest. Being bored by this turn of events I moped around trying to find something to fire my interest up, when I spotted a box of matches. That was it for me, before I had time to think, I was outside trying to light the long grass between our house and the nearby pineapple plantation. Surprisingly, the grass refused to burn but I knew how to fix that with a piece of scrunched-up paper. Very quickly, the smouldering pile became a much bigger fire, a real fire, as if the grass had decided for itself to burn with all its might. About now, I realized what was happening and dashed around to the water tank in search of a bucket. I could not find one, but our Labradors had their water bowl handy, so that would have to do. Breaking into a run, I spilled more water than I could splash onto the flames, as the tall grass burned higher and faster. Tears were streaming down my face, I knew I was in for some serious punishment.

Suddenly, as I was halfway to the fire, I stopped. Not by choice, I had been overcome by a strange calmness that was accompanied by an electric sensation racing up my spine. The fire raged on but I could not move, I cared nothing for the consequences as my mind was stilled, empty of thoughts. Then I felt it, the overpowering urge to turn around, it was something I could not fight for I was being turned by a force outside of me. Two hundred meters away I could see a chrome dumbbell, two shiny balls connected by a tube, each sphere absolutely dwarfed the large Queenslander' style house on the hill near it. Passively I watched it float in the clear summer sky and saw that the air around it was hazy, having a different texture from the rest of the blue. It turned toward me, all I could see was one sphere slowly approaching while I stood transfixed. Maybe I passed out, because there is no memory of anything more except that at some time later I found myself standing at the water tank, dogs

11 bowl in hand. A few seconds passed by before I thought of the fire, panic set in as I raced around the tank, to continue my task, only to find that it had burned a few metres more than I had last seen and was now extinguished completely. After giving the dogs their water bowl back I investigated the sight of the fire, where to my horror I found an unexploded WW2 mortar. It was only one step beyond the patch I was responsible for having burnt out. Then I realized how close to disaster Id been and possibly why they had come to visit. This all started to worry me, as I had no idea how to deal with it, especially the sighting of the craft seemingly only minutes before. Looking back to where I had last seen it I was not surprised to find only clear blue sky, as empty as ever. Picking up the mortar, I took it upstairs to place it on a soft pillow, for safe keeping, until I could show it to my father when the family got home. Luckily, my wait in purgatory was short. My family must have thought me half-crazed as I came running down the stairs blurting out something about a bomb on the pillow! Dad came into the house, took one look at the mortar comfortably resting in the lounge room, shot me the your in big trouble look and took the offensive article back outside. He finally calmed down after administering a stern punishment and then demanded the full story. I gave him the unedited version, Fire, Thing and Mortar, in that order. Once the playing with matches punishment was out of the way, we got down to the matter of the thing. Dad told mum, That boys got a real problem, maybe he should see a shrink. To me he said, You just imagined it, it wasnt real. So, dont tell anyone else. Strike Two! Most of the family forgot these events quickly, their intent being normality, but strange things laid in wait. We had moved to a different area of the coast and were living in a shed on acreage that had a bulldozed track around it, miles of rainforest and a beautiful mountain at the back door. This place was idyllic, with plenty of things to do to keep children occupied between school hours and bed-time. It was also the

12 perfect place for strange things to spring their ambush. Once again I was home on my own for the day, nothing unusual occurred until nightfall. As I was listening to the local radio station ........ I hear two cars roaring up the gravel driveway, it sounds like they are racing around the track. An inexplicable fear grips me, they are here for me, but how do I know that? Now I am petrified. Finding dads rifle took seconds, I loaded and cocked it on the way to a makeshift push-out window and gathered my courage to look out. They are there, but not racing around. F--k off, leave me alone or Ill shoot, I scream at them. Four bright lights shine directly onto the area of the shed where I am, which makes me wonder how two cars could park sideways on the track like that. Something moves across the beams of light and I notice two things, firstly, there is no dust in the air and there should be. Secondly, that moving something is short and has company. More movement, I see small toddler-like figures silhouetted against the lights. I am crying, desperate and panicked, unable to understand what is going on and why I feel this way. Suddenly a voice is yelling at me, its my father trying to wake me up, while the rest of my family is standing around the bed that I am now lying on. This is very confusing, the rifle still sits propped up at the foot of the bed where I had yelled abusively out the window. Dad is angry that I found his rifle and had left it cocked with the safety off. So again I am trying to explain something to my parents that I dont even understand myself, while they sit with agonized expressions on their faces. They do not believe me and I feel even further removed from the rest of the world. Why cant anyone help me, I know these things are real because Ive seen them with my own eyes. Why dont my parents understand, surely other people get these visits, somebody must know something. And of course, the next question I asked was, Why Me? I had enough of feeling like a freak who is destined, apparently, to spend his life-time in the

13 mad-house, whether I was crazy or not. The next day, my father asked our neighbour if he had seen or heard anything unusual early the previous evening. He must have, I thought, His house is so close and in clear view. The neighbour will prove me right. When dad returned he looked a little annoyed, so I was expecting to hear his apology. Well, I asked the neighbour, he said, he was home but saw no cars or anything, he heard no noises. You just imagined it, I think well take you to the shrink if you dont sort yourself out soon. Strike Three! Here and now I learned the value of keeping my experiences to myself, I wondered if anyone else had these things happen or if I was alone in this. The thought crossed my mind that dad might be right, maybe I did have a problem. But these things were happening, so how could I be crazy and sane at the same time? It seemed to me that the real problem was in believing that I could tell others. My way of dealing with these things was the same as my family, try to forget it by not thinking about it, at least I could get that right. Another year passed by, the family had moved from the shed to what had been our neighbours house, one bonus was we now had a grove of fruit trees that could be enjoyed at will. It was nice and normal to live in a proper house again with my own room; I felt that those strange things had left me for good, even though I still didnt give them any thought. Just in case. Would you believe it, as soon as my guard was down, good old strange things undertook an interesting sneak attack. On this night all was routine until after bed-time, as if we were following a script. I had been asleep for a good while, when I found myself outside, across and down the road from our house. The cool wet dew on my bare feet let me know that this was real. On the road sat a large glowing object that illuminated a sizeable area, in my twelve year old mind, I thought it must have been some type of car stopped on the skinny old road. Standing on the grass beside this object was a group of those little figures I mentioned earlier, all milling about being busy. Strangely, this

14 time I felt no fear about their presence and had no real interest in them. From out of the vehicle came a tall, slender woman with long, wispy blonde hair. She was very appealing to this young lad. What I do find confusing is that I dont recall seeing her face, yet everything else was perfectly clear. The thing that happened next is something that Ive rarely shared and wont here. About ten minutes later I was back in my own bed, still wide awake, agitated and yet pleased with this contact. You can well imagine that I was not about to tell anyone, anything, concerning the nights activity. The following day, although still confused, I went about my daily business with an inner knowing, even though I wasnt sure exactly what it was that I knew. I couldnt talk to anybody about this, it was Crazy. Strange things just kept getting stranger to me as the years moved along. While this experience was one hundred percent real, I began to look back at it like it was a dream and as time passed I called it a dream, to myself. A fuzzy, but very well remembered dream. Now I am in no doubts about it and I understand that I saw it as a dream because I was always told that my extraexperiences where only dreams or my imagination. The reinforcing effect of being told that this was always so, was the mechanism by which I altered my own perception of this particular event. The seeds of doubt do grow, silently, beneath the surface of our lives.

15

Unexplained Stuff.
Each of us shines in a different way, but this doesnt make our light less bright.
- Unknown.

For a number of years during high school I tried hard to be like everyone else, to be normal and even if I do say so myself, I was getting better at it with the exception of enjoying my time alone and occasionally sitting in trees to think. Fortunately for me, we moved around a lot, therefore I wasnt required to uphold anything long term. Dad eventually sent me off at fifteen to find my own way in the world, something that in hindsight I can thank him for dearly, at least he didnt send me to the shrink. So in 1975, I was flying back to Queensland with fifty dollars in my pocket and a note with directions to my grandmothers guest house. I quickly learned the value of finding work and being moved to another guest house. Realizing I was free to make my own choices, I chose to be as average as possible by following the trend of drinking in pubs with the boys, and, I did fairly well fitting in with the assortment of revheads, biker types, and their hangers-on. Basically, I was happy to be accepted as normal by these groups and to be included in the activities of the time. Little did I know what was in store, just around the corner. At a friends place one night a number of us decided to play with a Ouija board, to see if anything would happen. To our surprise we received a name, Zadok, and an incomprehensible message which spooked us all a little, since not one of us had any idea of what we were playing with. We thought it was scary fun until I felt something very energetic and saw one person turning ghostly white, as he tried in vain to push himself further into the apparent safety of his chair, where he curled up tightly

16 with a look of terror on his face. The sensation I felt became a knowing, a presence was right behind me, the back of my neck positively prickled as every hair stood to attention. I looked at my friend who was staring directly behind me until I felt the presence leave, after which I asked him, Crock, what did you see? He slowly composed himself and trying to hide the quiver in his voice he answered, It was the devil, no joke. I saw satan standing behind you. You bastard, you nearly scared me to death. Crocks family were very religious and we were involved in an un-christian endeavour, so the odds for the visitor being seen as the good guy are very slim. Or maybe Im still judging his vision due to my fear of the possibility that Crock was right! That was the limit of our playing, the board was put away and each of us no doubt had many sleepless nights afterwards. We werent aware of the consequences of our actions and may have opened something that should be closed at the end of proceedings. For a short while after this, there were some reports by the participants that sounded decidedly spooky, but they were insignificant when compared to what strange things had planned to do next. It must have been keeping this event as a surprise. On a clear summer night in 1976, some of the boys decided to investigate a rumour we had heard concerning an old graveyard near a small suburb on the way to Brisbane City. Here it was said, an angel statue would bleed at midnight from wounds on the neck and wings. These damaged areas were the result of a rampage through the cemetery by drunken youths. We duly arrived prior to midnight and were fortunate to park the car in a position where we could flood the statue with light. To our true amazement, a warm, dark substance was bleeding from the wounds and I believe that right then we all wished we had gone to the toilet before leaving town. Every night sound stopped, creating an eerie silence just in time for us all to hear church bells toll midnight. This really spooked us, as we knew there were no churches anywhere nearby that could provide these

17 sound effects. Around this time each of us must have decided to leave post-haste, but this evening was not finished with us yet. As the last peal rang out, we heard a piercing scream from the oldest section of the graveyard. Our friend Mike had screamed and collapsed, by the time we reached him he was growling like some wild thing, and was becoming stronger. It seemed to me that his strength was growing in quantum leaps. Five of us attempted to lift him to his feet but he kicked and struck out at us, so we dragged him back to the car and unceremoniously dumped him in the floor space between the front and rear seats of the old Holden sedan. Frantically we left the graveyard, pushing the tired six-cylinder engine to its limits in an attempt to get Mike to a priest for help. During this journey he became too strong for the people who had been holding him down with their feet. Automatically, my right arm reached over the back of the seat and lightly touched him, making him calmer as soon as he was touched. This action was repeated a number of times as we sped to town. I had no explanations for this when asked, in no way did I intentionally make the move. It was as if my arm had a mind of its own, like an autonomous entity attached to my shoulder. Along that highway is a concrete and steel pedestrian overbridge with each end support jutting out into the verge of the road. We were approaching this when I became aware that our driver was glazing over, literally, his facial features took on an unusual appearance. I also noticed he was steering us toward a high speed collision with the bridge supports on the left side of the road, my side, since I was sitting in the front passengers seat. Once again my arm moved without me directing it, touching his arm with my fingers released him from whatever had taken control. He then looked at me with fear written large across his face, for a fraction of a second while veering back onto the road proper. I dont know what just happened, but It wants to kill you because you can stop it, he informed me. I could find no words to respond to him.

18 The remainder of the trip back to our home town was virtually uneventful after that, but the night was nowhere near an end. We made a bee-line for the first church in town and proceeded to bang on the ministers door at around one oclock, until the poor man had to get out of bed to see what all the commotion was about. He listened to our story then slammed the door saying, Take him away please, I wont help. One of the boys spoke out loudly for the ministers benefit, Thats great. So what are we supposed to do now, and as an afterthought he added, Did you guys see how scared he was? We continued our quest. Knocking on the fourth door that morning we all expected the same responses; you might say that a pattern had been established. A kindly face topped with grey hair appeared in the doorway and listened to our well rehearsed tale, he then flung the door wide open and standing to his full height, he commanded, Bring him in while I prepare. We could not believe our luck, someone would try to help Mike. Dutifully we dragged our wild-eyed friend out of the car, through the open door and down the hall to the ministers office. Thinking that we had all done our bit, we turned to leave, until the priest intervened. You boys wait out at the car, he ordered, then turning to me he added, You are to stay. He then continued saying, We will do an exorcism for your friend. Strange feelings and a large dose of fear raged through me as I responded, Yes Father, I will help. But I thought, Why did I say that? Without getting a reply from myself, I followed his every instruction while the animated creature before us babbled on menacingly, in a language unknown to me. Over a period of hours this contorted person slowly transformed into my friend Mike, much to our relief. Mike had no memory of the events leading up to the point where he was being blessed by the minister, as dawn began filtering through the windows. I was then asked to take him out to the car where I found only the driver had remained, fast asleep behind the steering wheel. With Mike deposited in the car and now

19 asleep also, I returned to the office to thank this man for helping us. He thanked me for my help, commended my courage and blessed me, then looking deep into my eyes he asked, Did you know that you had been touched by the hand of God? What? Why say something like that? And just what did he mean by that? He continued, You are indeed fortunate to be chosen. Your friend will need further help, you will do what is required without need of me. Go in peace my boy. That was enough for my brain, it refused to come up with any questions and retired for the night. It was to be the last time I saw this person, I hope he knows how thankful I was for his help and eventually for his comments that took another twenty years to start understanding. Just as predicted Mike did need more help. I honestly could not tell you how many times people came looking for me with the same request, You have to come, Mikes gone strange again. When I was taken to him, he was behaving in the same manner as the night of our cemetery trip. Every time I would find the courage to walk up to him, while the sceptics laughed, and put my right hand over his heart to speak the words that came. And every time Mike would quickly slip out and into consciousness then say, Gday mate. How did you get here? Hey, whats going on here mate? Every time. Most people would decide that this story was totally unbelievable, a figment of a fertile imagination or perhaps just a spooky story and certainly not real. Although the people who lived this event would strongly disagree. For me this would illustrate how, as a society of individuals, we make judgements about unusual occurrences other people endure as part of their lifes realities. Perhaps, if we could suspend our judgements and criticisms, we may see that outside of our own box of experiences, there exists complex and infinite other possibilities. Not having experienced you getting out of bed this morning, I cannot in all honesty make any judgement on whether you did or

20 didnt. I simply dont know, so therefore, it is not my right to pass any judgement upon you. If only we all understood this and then practiced it. Our judgements are barriers that we assemble around us, underpinning our entire society and preventing other people who have had extra-experiences, from telling us all about their deeply suppressed stories. Thereby creating further problems that need to addressed by the wider community, as a whole, instead of turning a blind eye to it. And I for one look forward to the days when our societies finally do open up and even consider that other peoples experience of reality is every bit as valid as the next persons. I might be waiting for a fair while though! Consciously shutting ourselves off from the wider realities confines us, and also defines us, as only a portion of our greater being. It is like constantly living your life on a highway, never stopping to look at what is all around you, while travelling at 400 miles per hour. This is of course, too fast to see the signposts, turn-offs and especially the scenery. My seventeenth birthday was cause to celebrate as life had settled down sufficiently after Mikes troubles, everybodys nightmares had probably stopped and they were back to living as if nothing had changed. Rev-heads still drag raced down the main street every night, bike riders were doing the same things and the hangerson, well, they kept hanging on. Being one of the latter, I was hanging around the town post office late one night idly talking with friends, when a powerful urge to go home rose in me. The intensity of this feeling was what stood out to me as unusual. Under normal circumstances I would have walked the few miles home but this night I called a taxi and patiently waited. When the cab arrived I checked the time on our post offices clock tower, it read 10:50 p.m. Knowing this clock showed the correct time, I thought it funny that I was going home so early as well after midnight was normal for me. Within five minutes we arrived at the house and while

21 paying the fare I noticed the house lights were still on. This was out of place for the family I stayed with, for as devout christians, they would always be in bed well before this hour. Instead of walking around the back to let myself in with my key, I just knocked on the front door. As the door opened I saw the family sitting in the lounge room and so I commented, You people are up late tonight. Mr. C. looked at me, Late? Its eight-thirty and we are going to watch tonights movie. Hastily I checked all the clocks in the house to find them reading 8:30 p.m. give or take a few minutes. I felt a little confusion, shrugged my shoulders and said, Oh well, good night. and went to bed as if nothing was amiss. In the morning I was fully aware of one fact, I had gained over two and a half hours somewhere during the couple of minutes riding in the taxi. Although I could not recall anything else about it. It felt strange but my mind could only shrug its shoulders and think, Oh well. I spoke to my friends who all agreed on the time Id left in the taxi; they thought I was joking them around! After them, I spoke to Mr. C. who assured me that I had arrived home at 8:30 and that I seemed a little confused at the time, so he had prayed for me in case Id been drinking. For many years I told no-one about this event. Even when much later, after hearing about people reporting lost time, I thought candidly that gaining time must be an impossibility despite having lived it first hand. Those seeds were growing again, and to this day I dont know what really happened, why it happened, how long, or the two thousand three hundred and eighty-four other un-asked questions I have had.

22

First Light.
The Great Spirit obliges no creature, human or otherwise, to do anything against its will.....
Thao, Abduction to the 9th Planet.

Leaving Queensland, I travelled by road to Western Australia on a journey that covered five states plus one territory, and was reunited with my parents for the trip. We made a work stopover in Canberra as the winter of 1977 was setting in. Our political capital is a beautiful place that afforded sight-seeing outings on our time off, which I enjoyed immensely. A time of change was at hand so I left behind everything to concentrate on living life as it came. On completing the trip, I found Perth to be a breath of fresh air and far from the shanty town Id been expecting. In eight months of living there, things were normal, I worked, played and got my drivers license. Now I was mobile, riding my Yamaha was the greatest passion in life and it was a teacher of gentler handling. This time was destined to be short as I was again moving on, leaving behind a glorious city, its friendly people, lifestyle and weather. Towards the end of the year, I joined the Air Force and was sent to Adelaide for the recruit intake. A vastly different set of opportunities were opening up to me. Shortly before Christmas of that year I was invited to a public swimming pool while on weekend leave, it was an invitation my intuition accepted for me. Lying on the grass in the company of other recruits, I happened to look up to the top of the high dive tower and there I saw the Goddess. She was the single most attractive girl I had ever seen, not forgetting that I had known some cuties in my short time. To my surprise she also saw me, climbed down the tower and came straight over to introduce herself as Debbie. While listening to her lovely

23 English accent, part of me wanted to peruse her body but I could not drag my focus from her deep brown eyes. I felt entranced by these pools that seemed to connect our two souls. Before leaving, she invited me to her home for Christmas Eve and again I accepted as instinct demanded. Being only seventeen, I was cautious of meeting her parents, but the moment I walked into the house I felt a nonordinary sense of comfort. Once preliminary introductions were out of the way we sat down to lively discussion about the armed services, families and many other normal topics. Debbies mother was an attractive English woman with the most incredibly intense, blue eyes that I thought could see right through me. Sylvia was her name, she showed in her demeanour that she enjoyed life, loved her family and relished a good humoured laugh. Her husband Ian was obviously a very intelligent man, quick witted and he drank from the largest Brandy balloon that I had ever seen. Things were rolling along nicely, Debbie cornered me, out of sight from her parents and gave me the warmest cuddles and kisses that I could recall. I was very happy with our progress and the way her parents had welcomed me into their home, so to me, everything reeked of normality. And this allowed me to slip into my comfort zone with ease. The last thing on my mind was the strange events I had experienced. Out of the blue Sylvia asked me, Do you believe in reincarnation? This rocked me like a bomb had just gone off deep inside, and the lady, who I was sure had X-ray vision, was patiently waiting for an answer. Feeling under pressure, I tried hard to avoid answering but she asked me again. I ummed and ahhed trying to decide if I would follow past lessons and keep quiet about different things, or simply be honest. Sylvia kept eye contact and firmly asked her question for the third time. Looking into her eyes, I knew evasion was useless and that I could never lie to her because she could see me. She had me opened up and

24 both of us knew it, so I answered, Yes I do believe. Right then I thought Id never get to see Debbie again as I was expecting the usual derision. Sylvia surprised me by saying, Good, come over here and lie on the floor near me, we will try something. Relief flooded me, part of my self was aware that I had found acceptance for what I was and not for what I tried to be. Life had taken a new twist, right there in that lounge room, and all in the space of sixty seconds. We began with a breathing exercise once I was lying near Sylvias feet and it wasnt long before she instructed me to describe what I was seeing. Being my first attempt at anything like this, I didnt understand what she really meant by that until it became blatantly obvious. Before me was a white-washed building nestled into the mountain that had protected it for centuries. What got my interest were the windows, they did not have glass in the frames and I knew that it was designed this way. Imagine my surprise at learning that this vision wasnt a static one, it dawned on me that I was in two places at once! Feelings of recognition began to stir, this building meant something to me, but what? Sylvias voice came into my mind saying, Time to move on, youre doing well, keep going. I could feel a drifting, or maybe it was a tugging, until another building came into view. This one was made from large, hewn rocks and I could see very tall, thick pillars. Information bubbled into my awareness from somewhere, it was an important hall or library, much older than the Egyptian or Greek cultures, and in some way very significant to me. After this experiment I felt immensely comfortable with Sylvia and told her about all of my experiences, but she was not the slightest bit surprised by anything I said. She assured me that these things were part of an on-going process and that it was nothing to be afraid of. For the first time in seventeen years someone could accept my realities, and more importantly, could provide some answers that made sense to me. When I asked why

25 this was so, she readily replied, We have all the answers within us. This truth within recognizes the truth outside of us. An awakening began for me, a small one, but an important one that would set the stage for experiences both normal and strange. I was given some Lobsang Rampa books to take home and read, they captivated me by stirring up many strange feelings from I dont know where, of other places and times. He wrote about things that I already seemed to understand, without ever being exposed to them, at least as far as I could remember. Instead of being intrigued by everything I read or was told by Sylvia, and motivated to dissect it, I went with it. Not being concerned with how I already knew about this stuff made things simpler for me at first. What followed was a steady stream of thoughts that all said the same thing, Yeah. I know this. At the same time, many things Sylvia told me would seem to go in one ear and exit the other without leaving a trace. I was still prone to silliness, young and naive in the ways of the world and its inhabitants. Because of my naivet, I thought Sylvia must have been an adherent of the Tibetan religion. After all, she spoke about the same things and meditated using a beautiful golden Buddha, so I took for granted that she was. This judgement of mine was laughed at by other people who knew the lady, I figured they were laughing at me but I could not see what was so funny. The joke was on me for not clarifying my assumption with the person in question, first. Sylvia went to great lengths explaining the existence of the higher-self, the basics of course, and the notion that this great spirit could have any number of incarnations on our world simultaneously. She did a rough drawing to show that it was like a puppet master handling a variety of little performers on the stage of life. This was one of the reasons why we could meet people with who we felt an immediate connection, as if we had known them all our lives. And it was also one possible explanation for soul mates, but, it wasnt the only explanation.

26 It was so refreshing to have someone talk openly to me about this type of thing and because of that, I learned that strange things werent really strange at all. One other change that flowed on from our talks was I no longer felt the fear of talking to people about spiritual things. If the truth be told I was over confident, leaping into deep and meaningful discussions at the drop of a hat, showing just how little I understood. My perspective had been changing too, for even now I could see a little clearer while gaining an historical view, one showing me that our culture had moved away from the understanding of spirit, in order to embrace materialism and all that it could provide. Our main drives had become the desire for wealth, with its possessions, comforts and a supposedly easier life. We had forgotten as much about our true selves as we had gained from our material pursuits. At the same time we removed ourselves from personal involvement with the earth under our feet, and any responsibility for her maintenance. One other thing Sylvia touched on came about while I was sitting at the table sketching a face that I saw in my minds eye, it was something that today we would recognize as being alien. She looked at my picture and asked, What colour is the skin and is there body hair? I responded without thinking, Their colour is sort of yellowish, with no hair. As Sylvia walked out of the room she said, Very good. I waited but no explanation was offered, little did I know that it was up to me to find out how things fitted together, and that could take a long while. It never occurred to me how I knew about the physical details of an alien race that I certainly didnt remember coming into contact with. Some time later, she took me aside and informed me that her mothership was returning soon and she would have to leave. She expressed great concern at possibly not being here to see Debbie grown up and well married. This was said in all seriousness. For most people this would be very hard to believe and I can easily understand why. Yet I accepted Sylvias words without questioning them, because she had

27 proven to me at our first meeting that other realities do exist. I could not argue against the validity of that initial experience with Sylvia, having been there and found out for myself. This brings us to something worth remembering, we cannot truly know something without having the experience of it. By applying this idea into your own views of our world and everything else, you will help yourself to be more open and tolerant of the other people who come in and out of your view, as you walk through this life. And it would be great to be treated in this way by those same people as they walk in your life. Two months later Debbie and I went to the cinema and saw Close Encounters. We came away excited at how the visitors were portrayed, both of us knew these things as realities even though I was always reluctant to admit it. More importantly, the other people at the cinema seemed just as excited and accepting, making me realize that things were slowly changing. I had an emotional rising then, my eyes watered past the point of normal male embarrassment. The thought pre-empting this emotional tide was that maybe I wasnt the freak I had grown up to think I must be. Debbies mum was happy for us both when we told her and she displayed great understanding, which helped us to feel good about ourselves. In my time learning from Sylvia I enjoyed many extraordinary events despite my own predilection for stupidity. Some would happen without preparation or any input by me whatsoever. One night while travelling home by bus, I felt a strong need to close my eyes and the moment they were closed, I saw a picture of my bedroom. Not a photographic image, but a definite I am standing in my room scene, where I saw a note on my bed with my name on it and a short message about mums heart attack. It was signed Dad. Immediately I put the thought out of my head, saying to myself that it must be my imagination. Who watered those seeds again? Arriving home, I unlocked my room and stepped in while turning on the light,

28 only to find that my seeing had come true. Without hesitating, I picked up the note my father had left for me as he passed through Adelaide that weekend and read it aloud. This precognition had been completely accurate, obviously being a lesson to have faith in what you are shown. Although I must admit that my understanding of this didnt come until much later. After choosing to be discharged from the services I managed to find a job with the city council, as the works depot tea lady! One of the duties was to make a courier run through the city twice a day on a motorcycle. I was in my element. Though now eighteen years old, I was still brash, prone to acts of silliness and eager to have fun by not following the direct route as instructed by my boss. Instead, I would hunt the councils two-stroke Suzuki through the back streets that would eventually become the Formula One circuit there. While preparing to do the courier run, I would have my own route mapped out in my mind to fulfil my desire for excitement. On a luscious spring morning as I was going through this routine, a subtle inner voice told me, Do not go that way today Mark. This stopped me in my tracks for a moment, I thought about it as I sat on the bike, turned the key and kicked it into life. Once the twin cylinder machine was warmed up sufficiently I decided to ignore this unprecedented warning and continue with my fun plans. The seeds of doubt were winning their fight for survival as I rode away from the depot. Everything went well on the trip into the head office, I blitzed my old record time, did the duties and roared off for more fun on the return run. Halfway back, I sped up to an intersection, indicated to turn right, saw the road was clear and made my move in the best grand prix style. A truck was pulling out from the line of cars that were obeying a stop sign, on the side road I was just entering. He was on the wrong side of the road and continued moving forward into the section of road that I was still aiming at. The only

29 option left to me was to flip the bike into a left turn attitude and attempt to reach the gutter ahead of this truck, hopefully then to resume the right turn and slip down the side of him. Good plans, but they were lacking in their ability to inform the other driver of these alterations to my path. In fact, the other driver was not the slightest bit aware of anything smaller than a car approaching him. We collided in the silliest way, with my foot caught between the trucks bumper and the bike. At least I didnt damage the councils property. Had he been going faster, I would not have been able to keep the bike from falling over with the impact. After convincing the truck driver that I was unhurt, I continued riding back to the depot with a growing pain throbbing in my shoe. Back at work, I learned that I could not put my foot on the ground due to the agony it produced, which made getting off the bike and putting it on the centre-stand a complete farce. While hobbling into the office I kept thinking, If only I had listened, this would not have happened. But did it stop me from being brash or silly? No. During April of that year, I began attempting to astral travel while retaining awareness, with mixed results running the gamut from reasonable success to outright failure. On the first few occasions I would reach a point where my body was totally relaxed, warm and comfortable, when a stream of faces would appear to me. So many faces, some with feelings of recognition, but no details. Other times I would get to the same state and then push that bit further towards a tingling sensation in the extremities. My breathing would become laboured with a pressure build-up in my chest. Instinctively knowing that I needed to relax through this point, I tried not to be afraid that I would stop breathing. There is an irony in that you can use breath control techniques to bring yourself to the threshold, but you must be able to let go of the control and allow the process to flow along. I knew that we all astral travel at night, it is natural,

30 but there still had to be an easier way. Successful experiments were few and far between, they happened almost accidentally, in spite of the effort and focus involved. One such success came out of nowhere. I had reached the required point of relaxation, while keeping all attention focused beyond my brow, the tingling began followed rapidly by an odd swaying sensation. A faint but audible crack came and I was weightless in the dark, looking at a light in the distance and still not realizing that I had done it. Upon reaching the light through a long, bright tunnel, an entire world opened up below me as I floated over spires on the golden roofs of buildings. Settling to ground, I looked around and saw that I was in a park, then it became apparent to me that I was really standing there on solid ground. All the trees, shrubs, flowers and grasses were vibrant, more life-like than I had ever seen. Looking up to the sky, I was to learn that even though it was daylight here, no sun was shining to provide the light and warmth. What is more, the air seemed to have a harmonics, a melodious vibration, and it was definitely soothing. Exploring these new surroundings, I stepped beyond the shrub-row immediately in front and was astounded at the panorama before me. Stretching for miles around, the park had a glorious lake at its centre with all kinds of water birds and plants, on, in and around it. People I saw too, not just ordinary ones like you and me. Some were bird-like, insect-like and others like nothing I could describe, truly, there was the widest possible array of life from the cosmos. All of them were making their way around one end of the lake and continuing on to some place unknown to me. I did notice that everyone seemed to know each other for they were talking together as they walked. Floating back up to where I had entered this world, I returned along the tunnel to join my heavy body and with a deep breath I sat up to ponder over what I had seen. Very early the next day I telephoned Sylvia to give her the full story, to which she replied, You are very fortunate to have been shown that. No explanations or assistance with

31 nutting it out came forward, so it must have been up to me to work it out, again. Twenty-two years later I was fortunate enough to begin understanding the larger implications of what I was shown that night. All life in the cosmos moves together, in the same direction and toward the same goal.......Re-unification. We became minute portions of the universes awareness by the process of its continual diversification of itself. Therefore, the road home is one in which all the portions reintegrate to become the whole of its awareness, adding the sum total of all their experiences to that awareness. Life was providing clues, but at eighteen, no one could tell me. I didnt know that I was supposed to learn from, and apply these experiences, or even why I should. Being a hotblooded male, I had a mind running on a minimum of tracks, if it was fun I was into it and if sex was involved, then nine out of ten times that would be the dominant track. My lack of thought for others became my undoing with Debbie. Warning, downhill learning curve approaching. What can I tell you about that downhill slope? Well, it was fun and it introduced me to another sub-culture, the recreational pot smoking one. This was a lifestyle I relished as nothing was expected of me and I could easily commit to living life behind a veil, so to speak. My time with Sylvia drew to a close, due to my own actions. I was moving on into new territory again, but one more journey was needed, and I didnt know this either. On a sticky summer night a little later that year, I was lying on my bed trying to go astral when invisible somebodies grabbed my arms and pulled me out abruptly and then deposited me somewhere, it was pitch black for a short time until a light with no source came on. Below me was a large round garden, with a pond as its centrepiece and standing beside that circle of water was a tall figure dressed in a white robe. The figure was shining

32 and waited for me to come down to join her, which I did and somehow I knew it was Sylvia. I began to feel like a very naughty boy who was about to get his just desserts. She talked to me about the choices I was making and their long term effects, as well as explaining for me what abusing pot could do to my soul. Only the feelings stood out to me for they were not nice, and I do not remember the words. As I write this I can feel them all over again and it still hurts. This dressing down took a long while and my emotions were becoming mixed, until I was dismissed and returned forcibly to my waiting body. I cried and cried for hours, not even aware that I was doing my best poor me. The memory of this stayed with fierce determination, no matter how hard I tried to put it out of my mind, it annoyed me, digging away at my soft inside. I was angry too, very angry, maybe it was the result of guilt but right then I didnt care, I was hurting and wanted to lash out. But I could not bring myself to abandon pacifism and I did not want to cause anyone I loved grief, so I must have decided to hurt myself. Rebellion should have been my middle name for I was a master at it, and with this natural tendency in place it was easier for me to fight against conforming. Everything pointed to a direction that I did not want to go right then. Why couldnt I go back to choosing mediocrity? After all, it was my life to do what I wanted to with it, and no-one was going to stand in my way or coerce me. Now I had a cause that was united with my ability to rebel and it was being fired up by my own fears and self doubts. I did my look what Im doing just to spite you. So, did I get into the pot-head lifestyle then? Yes. What better way to not have to face up to self determination and take responsibility for my actions. Smoking more would help me to forget and it would be a whole lot of fun, or so I thought.

33

Long Interlude.
If one does not stand in the darkness, he will not be able to see the light.
- Jesus, in Dialogue of the Saviour, The Nag Hammadi Library.

Being slow on the uptake, I took my time learning to listen to the inner voice or feeling. There were times, and still are, when I chose unwisely to ignore the warning and thereby invite the consequences. I have learned now that cause and effect is a real operating system. The self-evidence for this was that effect always followed hard on the heels of my causes. Instant Karma, just add me. Spring was the most enjoyable time to go motorcycle riding in the Adelaide Hills; it was never so oppressingly hot as their summer. Some of the old roads were the most fun you could have on a road bike, unless your path crossed with a short rain squall. Slippery, isnt the right description to apply to those roads after a two minute shower has brought ancient oils and road grime to the surface. While riding in the hills on a day just like the one Ive described, cause and effect were waiting for me at the tightest, wettest corner they could find on my path. Cheeky arent they? Unfortunately I had a pillion passenger on board and it was his first time on a bike. Maybe the two villains in hiding had a score to settle with my passenger as well. This day had started with Des trying to convince me to take him for a ride, although my plans were simple, find female company. His persistence paid off, so I planned a fairly short ride for him and an exciting one for me, later. Five minutes out from our destination the rain came and while I dont have a problem with getting wet, I do with riding on warm ice. The feeling hit me as I accelerated up an incline and past a sign that

34 was obscured by bushes, but I ignored it and began the turn into the next curve. Only to find that this was a hairpin corner, I wasnt going faster than the speed limit, although I was carrying too much speed for this turn. So putting my left foot down, I tried to speedway the bike around the corner, it was working too, until I felt Des sit up straight then lean to the opposite side. At that moment, my rear tyre lost its grip on the situation, due to the extra stress and we slid across into the opposite lane. Over there became here, and here there was a car going the other way. Fortunately the combined speeds were low, so we could look forward to non life-threatening injuries. A loud bang sounded, Des screamed in fear and pain while I heard the sound of my back break, as my bum hit the now reversing bike seat. Then there was silence. Disengaging myself from the wreck was far easier than trying to get the four girls in the car to comprehend that I wanted them to get out of the car in order to move it off Dess legs. Magic mushrooms were clouding their heads and they had already forgotten that they were still holding plastic bags full of the little trippers. By the time they did get out of the car, I had Des extricated, pulled to safety and sitting against a post with a cigarette in his mouth. A person driving past had telephoned the police and ambulance for us, but it was hours before they arrived, probably because we were fifty kilometres from the city along an old country road. With my fingers jammed into my back, I was able to stay standing long enough to do all that needed to be done at the scene. The police arrived first and told me that it was my fault, because my bike had crossed the dividing line. You must have been speeding, they said. I couldnt blame them for thinking that, the road had dried out well before they could make their examinations and the four girls could not help with the enquiries. One officer told me, They must all be in shock. With Des in the back of the ambulance, I had to sit in the front

35 seat with the two man crew. By controlling my breath I could reach a state of awareness that did not include feeling the agony that was vying for my attention. The officer sitting beside me was checking my vital signs at the time and pronounced that I was in shock. No Im not, I told him, Im just meditating so I dont feel the pain. Well, stop it please. Im trying to help you., was his response. Meanwhile, the driver had radioed ahead for another ambulance, all for me and so I made a point of telling him it wasnt necessary. Procedure, was the word he used next. At the transfer point, two other officers wanted to take me out of the seat. Again I said it wasnt necessary and started to get out of the vehicle. The ground met me in a surprising rush while searing pain wracked my body. Two hours later we were in the emergency rooms of a hospital next to the Flinders University. Des was on his way to the wards with a good quantity of pain-killers in his blood stream while I was being told that I had broken my spine and would never walk again. My reaction was, No way, Im walking out of here as soon as I can. I know now that I was helped in other ways that first night in hospital, because I did walk out, one week later. Once Des was finished with a series of operations to both ankles, they sent him home to recover and in my guilt, I had decided to make sure that he would. This was accomplished by my first hands-on healing and by retaliating to his verbal abuse until he had to get up to chase me, even though he always complained that he could not walk. Well he did walk, he even ran and in half the time that he was expected to by the doctors. In this way the healing was confirmed for me and it also proved that our mental state can easily affect our physical wellbeing. After Des recovered I went on my merry way to continue riding motorcycles and living life with as much gusto as I could muster. As an example, I did a stunt-mans training course with one of our countrys premier stuntmen, while learning to live with the acute back pain. I simply refused to accept that there were many things I could not do, with the exception of high

36 falls. Just standing fifty feet above the ground was enough for me. While falling, you must roll into the fall position, which means that you should land on your back and take the impact out of the landing by applying an opposing force with your arms and legs. Not my cup of tea. Something else began to manifest, something for which I had no explanation and I assumed it to be a form of protection. On occasions, I would get the new bike and myself into situations where a probably fatal accident was about to happen or was already underway. My time perception would slow dramatically as I sat perched atop the two hundred kilogram projectile, waiting for the inevitable crunch. Then something else would take control of my bike and masterfully avoid the crash; to my astonishment. While out riding with friends on a Sunday in the city, I was full of my usual Aries adrenaline and pushing my 500 c.c. Japanese rocket along a wide connecting road heading out of the CBD. The road was clear of traffic so I accelerated past our small group and was touching 150 km/h when a car drove out of a multi-level car park to my left. It came across the three empty lanes and into the fourth, promptly stopping in front of me in order to turn right. I managed to yell some expletive before slamming into the car and oblivion. But wait, just two metres from impact the bike lifted, turned ninety degrees left, travelled two metres then turned back to the right and continued down the road. While unceremoniously, chugging along in top gear at 20km/h. My heart was banging wildly in my chest, once it returned from its quick visit to my mouth, and, I probably needed to change clothes for cleaner, drier ones. But I was still alive. The first port of call was a nearby park where I could sit on solid ground to light my much needed cigarette, and as my friends pulled in one of them yelled, We thought youd be dead. Howd you do that? I answered absent-mindedly, I didnt. They all laughed heartily while I sucked harder on the rapidly disappearing cigarette. There is a shortage of explanations for how a motorcycle

37 at high speed can perform physics-defying manoeuvres such as this, it doesnt seem plausible. All I could come up with for an answer is, that for a short time the bike was not subject to the normal processes of known physics, and this effect was possibly due to an outside force. Whatever explanations apply, whatever force created this effect, I call it protection. It still works for me. These warnings also came to me for other peoples safety. The first occasion was at a party in 1980, where I felt an urging to lie down that was not associated with alcohol or pot consumption. A picture came the moment my eyes closed, of being inside a small car approaching an intersection controlled by traffic lights. When the car entered the intersecting roads it was hit in the drivers side by a large truck that was unable to stop in the wet conditions for a red light. I sat upright, wondering what it was about when two girls came into the room and asked, Were going to the pub for supplies, does anybody want anything? Quickly getting to my feet I said to them, Please be careful, watch out for trucks. They both gave me the crazy person look and left on their errand. After the girls had gone, I felt a mild panic but tried not to show it as I did not want to foster the crazy person image among the party crowd. Around fifteen minutes later the two girls returned without their supplies and searched for me directly. Visibly shaken, they asked, How did you know about the truck? Fending the question aside, I pressed them for their story and was told, As we came up to the intersection our cars bonnet (Hood) flew up. We couldnt see, so we slowed right down, then a truck came skidding through. It only just missed us. Had it not been for their own protection, the bonnet flying up, they would be a grille ornament on that truck. I think by me voicing the message to them, and it then being held in their subconscious, probable injury or death was averted. As happy as I was with my part in that event, I was equally concerned that these premonitions would happen without me beckoning them, and it still wasnt helping me to feel like a normal person. You

38 might not be able to imagine what it was like, being in the crowd and having fun with people, then all of a sudden youre acting strangely. People you were just talking to move well away and refuse to let you join in. You just dont fit in anymore, there is no-where you can go to find a place to fit. It is very lonely. By the end of the year I was thinking about ways of helping people for a living. I celebrated my twenty-first birthday while returning to study at an adult education unit, to secure my senior level certificate. Fun times kept on rolling as the students and lecturers became more closely knit during the year, they really were the best people, one and all. One major difference between my previous school experience and this one, was that these people truly cared about your progress. The year sped by while I was having fun, I passed the exams and entered university in 1982, where I was supposed to be studying seriously. Instead, I got further side-tracked. Life started to get stale, as it does when youre stagnating. It was time to move on, nobody wanted to hear about peace or spiritual matters. People around me seemed to be increasingly more interested in violent movies, living harder and getting what they wanted. Not being immune to this infectious mentality made difficult situations worse. Moving away from all this meant I needed to say goodbye to Sylvia in person. I visited her at home and we had light-hearted conversations with our cups of tea, without getting into what I was doing or any talk about the spiritual stuff. To satisfy your curiosity, I can tell you that she did get to see her daughter married, and she saw her wonderful grand-daughters. So did I and it really surprised me that Debbie had moved on so fast, or so it seemed to me. Of course, a handful of years doing drugs helps you to lose track of the time going by, so it was only my perspective that let me get upset over it.

39 Have you ever taken a long distance bus trip? If you havent, then I suggest you try one as it is a unique way to travel. You dont have to drive yourself, you get to see everything as you go past it, and, you get to reach your destination with a bonus, neck pain. I promise you will never forget the feeling of your head trying to fall off into the aisle, while you are asleep. Brisbane had changed while I was away, becoming more intense from the swelling volumes of people seeking the good life in the sun. Mum worked in the city, so she picked me up at the bus depot and brought me up to date on the long drive north to her home. Even though my moving was over a long distance the only differences I found were some individual people, the scenery and overall weather. I met some good people, some not so good and a few friends. What I find funny now, is that bad habits dont follow you around, they dont have to. Wherever you are the part of you that is your habits, is there too. At least thats what I found when meeting people with similar habits. Womanising, partying, work, cars and motorcycles soaked up a large portion of the next few normal years. Late in 1984, I was invited to Satsang in Brisbane and my curiosity led me to check it out, as I had never heard of it before. Still, I could not give you an official definition, to me it would relate to sharing your experiences. The small auditorium was half full with people sitting quietly, some appeared to be meditating and from their expressions Id say they were enjoying it. What stood out to me was the atmosphere, it was warm, inviting and filled the room, which allowed me to feel more centred and aware. Some people tried to describe their experiences of the four meditations in the system, and how it had helped them in their daily lives. No-one could find adequate words, yet I knew exactly what they were talking about. I was concerned by their obvious worship of a guru called Mahara-ji, who had come to prominence many years earlier as a twelve

40 year old multi-millionaire. A respected woman from the sects home country was in Australia giving initiation to those who were ready for it. Hey, Im ready., I thought to myself and at the end of proceedings I sought her out for discussion. She spoke politely, listened graciously and then said, Im here for three months, come and see me again before I go. Youre not ready yet. That night I saw her giving it to a derelict drunk who had inadvertently stumbled into the auditorium half way through the night. I was very judgemental in those days and had not reached any understanding of how spirit guides all people to experience what they need to. I didnt think too much about it, just carried on like usual, until eight weeks later I was telephoning the woman from India. We made arrangements for an interview later that week, to which I thought, Beauty, Ill get it now. As the week progressed toward the day, stressful situations were springing up all over the place. Finally the day arrived, I borrowed a motorcycle and visited my girlfriend on the way to the interview. This involved a breaking-up conversation. Under normal circumstances I would have been upset and probably taken it out it in my vehicle, which is a typical young Aussiemale thing to do. But this time, I left calmly and enjoyed the ride into the city. When I arrived at the big, expensive house, I was asked to wait in the lounge because the lady was busy. Sitting in a comfy chair at a quiet house induced me to rest my eyes and relax. After some time, a voice said, Mark, are you ready? I answered while raising my head and eyelids together, Yes I am. Standing at the bottom of a sweeping staircase was the lady herself, she added, Follow me. We arrived at a room with soft cushions scattered over the timber floor, then she asked me lots of questions about my life in general, and my feelings in particular. I answered these calmly as I was still in comfy mode from the relaxing little rest in the lounge. She ended the

41 interview by saying, Come back on this date, now you are ready., and handed me an appointment card while standing to indicate that my time was up. Arriving just prior to the time indicated on the card, I found several other people waiting in the lounge room. Our lady instructor asked us to follow her upstairs. She then sat us comfortably and led us into the four meditations with her soothing voice. I did experience the things that each technique provided, like being in your centre, which is characterized by a calmness, great peace and the Big Love feeling. When finished, we went downstairs to the dining area, although I faltered at the bottom of the stairs after noticing that the flowers outside were incredibly vibrant and captivating. This same condition applied to the vegetarian foods spread out on the banquet table, absolutely wonderful. The taste of the food, the smells of a breeze on the ride home, were all so much more. Now I thought, Im there. How could you not be after so many marvellous experiences? All that was left for me to do now was to practice the meditations daily. How simple was that? The first night I sat quietly in my room to do the practices and could not get into it, no matter how hard I tried. I didnt seem able to replicate any of the previous results, even after two months of trying everyday. When I gave away the gurus photograph the meditations went with it. One thing did come out of this, which was, I learned that it was my choice whether I was happy or not. Sometimes it proved itself to me, by my choosing to be happy when I didnt actually feel that way to begin with, and it did work. But, a return to usualness followed in the same way as before, because I let myself forget that I was the one in charge of me and my actions. A simple lesson, that I simply forgot. In the spring of 1986, my friend Lee, an ex-girlfriend named Lynn and I went to Lake Kurwongbah, just north of Brisbane, for a nights stargazing. Moonlight carpeted the lake

42 and forest in a soft glow that enabled us to see in good detail the waters edge, and where the grass merged with the trees. We spotted two tiny red lights ambling across the western horizon, the first one leapt into the night sky to perform amazing acrobatics. Before any of us could utter a word, the second red light did exactly the same thing, to which we chorused, Wow, did you see that? Both lights then continued their slow undulations southward and we watched them intently until they were out of sight. Lee said, Lets see if we can call them to us. So we sat in the best circle that three people can make, while I got a crazy idea to push my energy through the group. Lynn asked, Why is my arm getting hot?, and Lee informed her, Its Mark. Hes sending his energy around for us. We then agreed to hold the same thought and see if anything would happen. The thought, was to imagine that we were pulling them toward us, in our minds eye. This was a pretty easy thing to do, almost everyone can use their imagination to create images of specific thoughts and hold it in their mind. We do it every day without realizing that we are doing it. Some minutes quietly passed, leading to when we heard a thrumming sound. Fear led me to make a guess, Its probably the pumping station, which sounded ridiculous as soon as I said it. The pumping station I had referred to was a disused affair, the modern one was whisper quiet, and, at least ten kilometres away around the twists and turns of the man-made lake. I spotted a very dark shadow moving along one arm of the lake, quite near to us, it was egg-shaped and much bigger than the old two-storey waterski clubhouse that was there then. After telling the girls, we watched it move into the larger lake area when two spotlights switched on and criss-crossed the water. Its probably a helicopter, I offered, knowing it couldnt be, it was completely silent. The huge dark shadow didnt even reflect the moonlight, as if it was absorbing every bit of light that came near it. We had already stopped our experiment, our triangle shaped circle was

43 broken when we let go of each others hands, but the object seemed to be looking for the source of our energetic transmission. The searchlights blinked off as the shadow turned left, and away, yet it was still within 100 metres. Next, it began to move across the lake in a line directly away from us and we saw it change from a black shadow, through a streak of colours until all that could be seen was a tiny red dot on the horizon again. You can safely bet that we were relieved by its going, to be honest, we wouldnt have been able to move, it was as if we were riveted to the spot and scared silly. We did learn that our impromptu experiment had actually worked, and worked well, even if it did scare ten years off our lives. Talking about it helped a little bit, we did a lot of it for the remainder of our time there. Im sure that each of us wanted to forget it quickly, especially after we told our friends and families all about it. These people watered our seeds of doubt for us and they did a mighty fine job of it too. Who could blame them, they werent there and did not have a point of reference to go by, so they could not do anything to help. Everyone concerned just let it be forgotten and went back to normal life again, which is of course the only way anyone could help us out of our uncomfortable position. I wondered a couple of times about what might have happened if wed kept strong through our fears, maintained our vigil and made contact with the visitors. Perhaps I would have a much more exciting tale to tell you or maybe I wouldnt be here to say any of this, who knows? Either way it was exciting stuff. And again it helped illustrate the gap that existed between us all, verifying for me that few people considered this reality. Moving on, I met an eighteen year old girl, Cheryl, and settled down a bit, some would say too much. We got married in the spring of 1988, while living in a small cottage next to a chicken farm that was surrounded by forestry. I had started to buy rifles as a hobby and for target practice, which I liked a whole lot, thanks to the armed services. Have no fear, I was a careful owner and handler, except for the time Ron and I shot

44 and killed an old car and Yamaha 250. But they had deserved it. The car because it had always broken down and the bike just because it was a smelly, offensive two-stroke, that had probably spat-off a dozen riders in its lifetime. They wont do it anymore! Every night a loaded rifle sat in the corner next to our bed, as we both felt an uneasy need for protection, though there was no obvious danger to be seen. My partner had started to have nightmares about the lights and theyre coming. I would wake her up gently and describe a beautiful scene for her to fall back to sleep in. The dreams persisted in small groups spread throughout the year and this diminished the effect of my nightly stories for her. Some nights I would wake her three or four times before morning. This year and the next were heavy with an unreasonable need to feel completely safe, but why and what from I could not say then. All I knew was that there was an unknown strangeness to our lives there, making us feel highly strung most of the time. The weirdest thing about those days, is we never really seemed to notice the feelings, we just felt them. I was feeling it and not thinking about it, besides, things were already hard enough as it was. The frequency of highs and lows in life felt like it was speeding up and creating a continuous, mobile, barrage of situations requiring my constant attention. So why would you want to make it harder by trying to dissect it if you could? Early in 1990, we decided to go to New Zealand for a six month working holiday, only to fall into great jobs in the first week of being there. So our plans went out the window. That first Christmas in Wellington, we where given an around the world trip with all expenses paid. Almost three weeks into the holiday, we were standing in line at LAX, waiting to board a connecting flight to San Francisco. While idly staring out the panoramic windows at the Jumbo we were to board, I was hit with a terrible feeling, this aircraft had a serious problem and

45 was not safe. I told my wife, Ive got a really bad feeling about this, Chez. Theres something wrong with the plane, I dont want to get on it. She replied, Youre just imagining it. Be quiet so no one else will hear you. Sound familiar? Did I follow the feeling? No, I boarded the aircraft like a good husband. During the first half-hour on board, I noticed all the missing rivets, sagging trim and generally dilapidated condition of this obviously early-model 747. I didnt miss the white smoke pouring out of the right side engines, or the reek of kerosene coming into the cabin through the air-conditioning ducts. Our pilot sounded over the intercom, Ladies and gentlemen, we are experiencing a minor electrical fault in our communications system. You may have noticed smoke, it is normal on engine starts, and we will reverse the air-conditioning to remove any fuel vapours that may have entered the inlets. We will be taking off soon. Thank you for your patience. This was exactly what I needed to hear, I had sat and suffered the shivers, nausea and the strongest feelings of the need to cry, which I didnt understand. The pilots message had just broken in to my deep in thought mode, and helped to rouse me into action. I knew for certain that I could not stay on this piece of junk for another minute and had to get off, now. Grabbing Cheryls hand and our on-board luggage, I made my way to the door, only to have the way barred by three attractive hostesses. They reminded me that we were about to take off and needed to be belted into our seats. No. This thing is going nowhere, let me off, I told them while politely pushing my way through their barrier and we headed back to the boarding lounge for a cigarette. It took another half an hour to settle my wife down after I had seriously embarrassed her by my actions. Three hours later the other passengers were allowed off and the old flying coffin was towed away for repairs. Cheryl was very quiet now and I felt great, only because I had been correct in my statements.

46 We had missed our flight home from San Francisco so the airline flew us to Hawaii and put us up at the Waikiki Beach Hotel, and they paid for everything. All the other passengers in the same situation took the opportunity to sleep. Not us, we showered, changed, enjoyed the free breakfast and played tourist around this famous holiday destination. We had one day to make it feel like wed been there for two weeks and we succeeded admirably. What a day to remember. The next surprise came when we boarded the flight home, we had been upgraded to first class. That really was an eye-opener, after travelling three quarters of the way around the world in regular sardine can seating. There was more room than I could use to get comfortable and it was luxurious too. We let ourselves be pampered the entire way back to N.Z. I let myself forget this event for years and my wife never once asked me the big question. How did I know? This made it even easier to forget. Back at home, we never had time to think about anything much except working, paying the bills, getting away on weekends when possible and generally just getting on with it. Its no wonder that most people dont give spiritual issues the kind of attention that they should, their lives are crammed full with things that must be done and everything else that needs to be remembered in our over-active lifestyles. They must be doing 400 m.p.h. on that highway already. During our last year there, we frequented a bar that was a bit rough and tumble, and it was being coveted by the local chapter of a well known street gang. One night I went outside to help the manager and bouncers, who were out-numbered, after which the manager offered me the position of head of security. The extra money was what clinched it for me as our day jobs were only just getting us by, due to the high cost of living in that country. When I arrived at the bar to start my first night I was scared as hell, the manager met me at the door and informed me that he had sacked the other two bouncers. Those guys were supposed to do all the rough stuff and they were no longer there to help. Talk about being thrown in the deep end, the place was

47 rocking and had more than its share of males looking for trouble. I had spent the greatest part of my life practicing pacifism, because of the violence my family had experienced after dads return from Vietnam. Now I had to find something in me to deal with my new position, it took me one fairly useless week as a bouncer to get it. It wasnt so much a searching for some forgotten ability, more a finding of space, an emptiness that was the conduit for the force and actions. We lost customers while dealing with the gang problem but within three months it had turned around and was packed to the rafters every night. I had pride in my actions because I never hurt anyone on purpose and had gained a reputation as a fair man in the line of duty. Believing my own bravado, I really played up to it when I wasnt working, which just goes to show that the silliness I had as a teenager was still there in my early thirties. And so it seems that unless you are working on growth, you may not grow much at all. Throughout this year I became aware that we were being visited by the grey, child sized visitors at night. And while I dont recall any abductions, I do clearly remember seeing them, shadow-like, slipping out of the bedroom or poking a head around the door frame. They always came on the nights my wife had her nightmares, so I believe that Cheryl was responding to some sub-conscious cues. These little visitors, I would later learn, had become known as the greys in u.f.o. literature, they are usually associated with abductions and contacts, as well as piloting some of the incredible machines that are seen in the skies over our world. Toward the end of 1993 something in me changed. Id been against having children because of the way our world was and thought it would not be fair to them, because it would only get worse. One morning I awoke with a yearning to have children, it was the most important thing to me at that moment. Feelings of urgency raced through me, forcing out a memory

48 that I had stored on a dusty shelf in the back of my mind when I was fifteen. Back then I had dreamed that I was a middle-aged single parent, raising my daughter as best as I could. Again I shuffled this memory back to its original storage space, I didnt want to think about it, just in case I made it real by doing so. So I opened the discussion with my wife, who was unsure of how to react to my change of heart. Eventually the decision was made to return to Australia where we would help Cheryls grandmother and start our family. We found that drama returned to our lives at the same moment we stepped off the aircraft. It was absent most of the time in New Zealand, and now it had a friend named strife. I likened it to stepping back into the quicksand that we had escaped from almost four years earlier. This time it ate away at our bonds and slowly drove a wedge between us. 1994, my daughter was born a Libran and far more alert than most doctors claim new-borns are. I learned just how easy men get it, many of us wouldnt make it through childbirth if the job was ours. From conception I had been driven to stay close to her and I knew it would be a her, in the same way that I had known the moment of conception. Now that she was in the world, I had to be with her no matter what ever happened. When the marriage came to its crunch, I tore my soul out the day I had to leave, all the while thinking that I would never get to be with her again. Her mum did not want me around so I had to go, but it gave me the strength to fight the good fight for her, and eventually she remained with me while Cheryl and Brad continued their new life together. Everything I needed came at just the right time, like housing when I needed it, the right car and the money to buy it when I needed to and the other stuff we think we need to make a home. While all this was going on, I felt like a size twelve boot was kicking me in the butt. Kick, get on with it! I was single again, thirty-six in 1996, and feeling compelled to pick up again where I had left off way back in 1979.

49

Big Jigsaw Puzzle.

The kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known. And you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father.
- Jesus, in Thomas, The Nag Hammadi Library.

As far as old clichs go, the one about finding yourself was probably the most appropriate and more a truism than anything else. People have used this saying for at least thirty years that I know of, and it meant nothing to me. Until I was on the countdown to turning forty and remembering the person I used to be. Knowing I was not that same person prodded me to search for who I was, now. Libraries are brilliant places to start searching because they have all kinds of books that twenty or more years ago, you could only get from specialist bookstores. Today you can find any number of self-help, spiritual or philosophical material in the aisles of your local library. So go there and look for yourself, if you are real quiet and attentive, your Self will pick the right book for you. Its true, try it. Leading my first assault on the book repository in town, I turned down the self improvement aisle and wound my way through the all female crowd, to an empty space where I could look at the titles undisturbed. As I gazed somewhat intelligently at the rows of new age style books, one of them seemed to glow at me, a faint, hard to be sure of glow. So I took this book home with me and had a thoroughly enjoyable time with it, on many of its pages I thought, Yes, Thats right. Raiding the library became a part of life as I avidly read to feed the need I was

50 feeling. The u.f.o. phenomenon came first, that was a help, because a handful of those books are in some way inspirational for experiencers. When you are reading some of the things that people have experienced, and you know some bits off by heart as you read about it for the first time, an excitement comes to you. Later you feel good, now you know for sure that youre not really crazy after all. Now you know that you are not alone, anymore. For me that was always the worst part, the feeling of absolute solitude even when you are with your best friends. That is why it is easier to forget and move on, than to dredge up any of the still confusing images and memories that you are hiding. We arent hiding these memories from ourselves, we hide them from the scrutiny of others so that we can feel normal in a society that still sees these things as freakish, or utter fantasy. The reading continued on through cosmology, which is a fantastic mind exercise in itself, stretching and creating new pathways. What a bonus. I moved on to the histories and religions of various cultures, paying particular attention to their mythologies. The Celtic culture held me in awe, I felt that it was part of me, somehow, but at the time I could not see the significance. The same held true for the Native American, Egyptian and some other earlier cultures. I even read all I could find on pre-history and learned some pretty amazing things about all our ancestors, which helped to confirm my long held suspicion that they were every bit our equals and in some cases, advanced humanitarians when compared to us. Many very ancient cultures were matriarchal, as opposed to our maledominant one, and existed for so long because its members worked together in the best interests of the whole. Boy do we have some work to do to catch up with them. Imagine what it was like to live in prehistoric societies, operating within the environments capabilities and creating long term sustainability of that environment and all the creatures, including people, that relied on its provisions. So

51 called stone age people were living that way, over thirty thousand years ago, and yet modern man makes trillions out of destroying the global environment, with hardly a thought for our great-grandchildren. The big question that this leaves us with is, who really are the smarter people, us or the ancients? My money is not on us, thats for sure. Our culture has already reached its peak and is fast approaching our use by date, as a viable, selfsustaining system on this planet. This is not scare mongering, our cultures have passed a point were weve made more problems for ourselves than we can handle. The weight and nature of these problems will, and already are, stifling the life out of us. So how long do you think the human race could last in its decline? Why arent all the worlds people making serious changes now, hoping that we could give healthy lives to even a handful of our great-great grandchildren? The Nag Hammadi Library was a long winded read and yet it was worth it. The extensive cosmologies made sense to me in many places even though it is couched in the language and religious bafflements of the day. Thomas, is maintained as the record of Jesus words and I urge everyone to read them. You will find many similarities to the accepted stories in the bible, and some bits that the early church didnt want us to know. His messages are not that hard to understand, we only need to see them without the clutter of our preconceptions, beliefs and personal preferences before we can appreciate their wisdom and clarity. People interpreted his words and altered the meanings that he had intended. More interpreting into other languages was done, all of it was ordered and re-ordered over time, largely for the purposes of certain individuals and their church. Well we do have free will. Christians are not free to admit that people did this out of greed and the desire for power, that they did so at their own bidding and not under the direction of JHWH. The jealous, vindictive, god of the Jews. It must be hard, believing that God gave us free will and refusing to see that we used it, freely.

52 Inside I could feel the drive to soak up everything that felt yeah. Besides, it was great for my mind to be pressed into wider service after so many years out to pasture. This was a big puzzle, its picture began to emerge as boundaries blurred, and mans distinctions between previously unrelated information started to fade. I had always held fast to the idea that u.f.os, with or without occupants, were one thing and had nothing to do with anything else, until a little realization came. In single steps I began to see that the spiritual stuff wasnt separated from anything, including u.f.o. and alien stuff. Slowly, things were going together to form a bigger, merging picture that was vast and mind boggling. Part of the bigger picture showed me that we pigeon-hole absolutely everything. Our endeavours, work, living quarters, the things we love, even how we love, how we teach and communicate, everything. See for yourself, pick anything that we do and simply observe. Inside our species there is a desire for order, which we can and do achieve by having some form of control over things. We humans have a way of separating things into smaller parcels. The computer I write these words with has been programmed to separate the data and allocate a storage space for each bit, the binary code is what makes having these tools possible. It is a system devised by us to separate information just the way we do with all the other stuff. In this way we can attempt to have our desired control over the ever diversifying pieces. The more separate portions under your personal control, of all the things that make up your life, the more in control you feel in your life. Why? How and when did it get like this? Is this what you really need? And why am I asking so many questions? If we ask enough questions we may learn, one day, how to ask the right ones. Questions that require us to pull information out of their respective pigeon-holes, throughout diverse fields in order to get a wider picture, are the kinds of questions that will help to break down the walls between us all. How? The process would allow us to see trends and patterns over larger areas of our existence

53 and perhaps more people would see the same-ness of our human race. This is also worth remembering, every person on the planet is just that, a person. Nothing less than you or me and just as important, every person has the same real needs as you. Most have the same wishes and fears, all have families and dearly loved ones. Hang on a minute, am I writing about you? Yes. All the yous in the world, because the world is full of people just like you. All of us were born and therefore must also die. All of us are souls on a short journey to earth to gain experience and remember. We are all spirits. Once again, if you apply this idea to your outlook on the world and everything on it, you will come to know that people who appear to be so very different to you, for whatever reason, really are not. All that is different is their own culture, and most of those differences should be enjoyed for the wonderful things that they are. With all the different cultures applying this idea to their own systems, you should, ultimately, be left with the greater parts of them. Such a simple thing could change us all for the better, and in truth, dont we all really want better? Just as an exercise, think to yourself about the person who you dislike the most, ask yourself what would happen if you learned that they were your soul-mate? Do you think something in you might soften toward them? Would they eventually seem to be the same as you in that respect? Could you try to see all people in the same way? Thats a tough one but please dont be discouraged. You can do it, you are a great spirit. Now let us consider the above questions of how and when. Thinking about it lets us see that we are taught almost everything from birth. Someone or something has been teaching us at all times, our parents, teachers, friends, television, and the list goes on. Our parents were educated with similar information, as were their parents, grand-parents and greatgrandparents before them, and again you could go on. This long pattern reaches back through all our histories, all the cultures,

54 religions, colours and other such separatist forms. We get the picture that things have been this way for a long time and nearly everyone who has come before us has added their impetus to its growing bulk. So much so, that it is difficult for most people to break out of their mould, with all its learned restrictions, and stop for a little rest before doing something different. We really do live our lives wearing blinkers, giving us a very narrow view from our two little windows on the world. Its not your fault, all your life you were programmed not to look too far away from the accepted range of views and the comforting safe-ness that we learned to feel from it. Its a bit like The Matrix in a way, so check for plugs or leads on the back of your neck. People were coming into my life, bringing their stories, some helped bring memories to the surface. Some lent interesting books that gave me a couple of ideas on directions or affirmed things that I had experienced. I soon saw that all these people must have been coming in and out of my life for a reason. As an experiment I began to take more notice of the things around me. While talking with my sister out front of where I lived, we saw a man trip over his feet. From this I learned that everything happened for a reason, cause and effect were the culprits again, so I told my sister. She disagreed saying that, He just tripped, it was an accident. But I knew the man had let his attention drift away from the act of walking, thereby causing himself to have an important reminder to watch where he was going. Its very possible that he had his accident in front of us so that we all could come to an understanding. It was proof to me, even if I didnt fully understand the mechanisms, it felt yeah. The next day I was back at the library looking at another glowing book, it was called The Teachings of Don Juan. I nearly put it down as I had judged Carlos Castanedas use of mind altering drugs to usher in the opening for his experiences.

55 After realizing that I had done the same thing throughout the years, I persevered with it and was rewarded with many more yeahs, and soon I had digested most of the series. Again, I understood the cultural perspectives but some of the more abstract stuff would take years to comprehend, as along with those yeahs, I found dont knows, maybes and a lot of huh? Input, more input, could have been my catch-cry as I began searches of the state library. Many times I noticed that some apparently differing information were really the same things, when the overlying man-made monoliths were removed. So many similar strands run through all the ancient cultures mythologies, showing that once we all must have understood the same things in our own ways. We had attached similar symbolisms for ease of interpretation. Unfortunately, somewhere down the line we lost focus and payed more attention to the edifices we constructed, than to the simple messages they represented. I refer not only to buildings when using the word, edifices. As our lapses of focus continued, they helped to mystify these things over time so that only few people ever came to know, and even fewer still when you add religions manipulations to the equation. With this great thirst for knowledge driving me, I went to a u.f.o. club meeting out of sheer curiosity. I met the most interesting people and saw contact evidence large as life before me. A middle aged couple were telling an interesting history of their events. The lady progressed into describing the long term effects on herself. I heard her say things that struck a chord deep inside me which was followed by an intense empathy. When driving home I was in tears, for I understood this lady and the other people who spoke up. The club brought me into contact with some very nice people. The first was my lovely friend Roma. Here was a lady who helped you along the way and in many ways. She would be the first to guide me back into my past lives and I can tell you, my excitement was matched only by my fear.

56 Without knowing it, my search was for the catalysts which would bring my own memories to the fore. The force behind the scenes was trying to help me learn my place in the universe, but before I could do that I still had to know who I was and what had brought me to this point of awareness. So far I could see how we all got to here and now, but that was only half of the total equation. The rest of what I needed wasnt going to be easy like reading and feeling, it was inside me and I wasnt sure how to get to it. I must have unconsciously ordered the small spiritual awakening on my menu. Meditation became the next step somehow. I had difficulty choosing it as an option considering the experiences I had averaged as a young man, and now I was thirty-nine, the time between attempts was more than half my age.

57

Experiments.
When we perceived two places at once, total clarity was lost. But the immediate perception of there was gained.
- Don Juan Matus.

What follows is my first experience since 1979, of going somewhere other than this reality (3-D) we call here. Three ladies prepared me for the journey, soon enough I was standing before a doorway. Making my way through it brought me out above the earth. I was soaring, feeling the cool of the air as it passed over me, going through the clouds was exquisite for its moist coolness. A direction came to descend slowly, and upon touching the ground I saw a white building surrounded by the thickest mists that I could not penetrate. So I was requested to ascend again which allowed me to clearly see the coastline and features of this place, then I landed on a path that traversed a high ridge. At first, all I could see was the path beneath my feet, which were wrapped in something resembling slippers. Hillary asked me to describe the clothes I was wearing, Black....roughly made....long pants of animal skins. My feet are wrapped around in skins sown roughly down to the toes. The next question came from Roma, What is your name? Arn, then Hillary asked, Do you want to look around or follow the path? The longer I stood there the more detail I could see of my surroundings, This path follows the ridge down to the sea on this side, the other way goes up but its foggy that way. She asked me to choose a direction and follow it while reporting what I saw. Here on my left is a stone building....all grey colours....plain openings for windows....its all tumbledown. I wondered where the term tumble-down came from, then noticed that the path turned and went over the ridge. Roma asked, Do you want to follow it? I cant, its all misty....bright inside....very thick. A knot of fear grabbed my

58 stomach as I walked up the path over the ridge and stopped to look down, the mist just cleared away, Oh, theres a village down there. Im asked if there are any people, immediately a feeling of dread comes over me, No....I....I cant see anyone. And the feeling keeps getting stronger, Roma senses this and asks me to go back to happier times as a boy, then asks, What do you see? A lad....maybe twelve....white legs....wearing a kilt, but much coarser.... a rough tartan pattern.... two shades of green in the main. His hair is the same as when grown to a man....the village....is mud and daub....roofs like thatch with small saplings tied together and laid on the top first....over here on the left is where we keep the animals....in these pens. Roma then asks me, Can you see any crops or is this a fishing village? Please look to see if there are any boats. I told her, Further down the slopes are level areas we use for growing the grains. Here, I look around for the boats that I know we use for fishing when its possible. But, they are not there. Something is very wrong, I can feel it but I havent remembered what it is yet. This has jolted me back into manhood and again the dreadful feelings come on stronger, then someone asks me, Can you see any other people at all? No, theres no one here. Right at this point I am beginning to get upset, I feel the urge to cry and run away at the same time, its very confusing. Hillary has another question, Do you know of William Wallace? The part of awareness with me on the table answered first, Yes Ive heard the name., and then the part that was reliving the events offered, No, he is not living here, not in these lands. I am asked if I can see forest or trees, the answer came swiftly as awareness slipped further to the there. Not here, out over there on the flatlands I can see forest....but no trees up here....not high like this ....only scrubby, prickly bushes or shrubs and tough grasses can live at this height. Hillary now asks, What colour is your skin? I look at my arm and lift it up to see better, Its dark....not black....like

59 very well tanned. I hear one person say, Pictish, and I know that this is right. Another person asks, Are you negroid? No. Dark, not black. Then I see tattoos on my wrists and beautifully wrought gold, double serpent bracelets, but before I get a chance to investigate these further, another question comes. What is your role in the village? The answer comes as clearly as the dreadful feeling it arrived with, I am the tribes protector....their defender. Another female voice questions, What do you protect them from? The raiders, invaders, is quickly followed by the next question, Are these raiders other tribes or do they come in boats? The strongest feelings flooded me, physical waves ripple forcefully across my stomach as my hands, in both times, moved to cover my eyes. They come from lands across the waters, these raiders they....they take everything they want....the women........they rape and kill. They took all our animals and stores....there is no one left........all killed. Not me. Now I remember it, on that day I was down the bottom of the ridge checking with our fishermen to see if they had any reports of raiders, and to be sure that they had their arms about them. The raiders had come and gone with their booty by the time Id climbed back up over the ridge to see the village smouldering way below me. Anguish fills me, I dont know what to do, its too late for anything I can do. All I have left is revenge! Do you want to leave here and go to one more happier?, asks Hillary. I didnt need convincing, Yes I want to go from here. Roma whispers, Thats where the guilt he carries in this life came from. Leaving the dread behind, I rose up to soar among the clouds and watch the world turn below. Im being told that I am going further back now, and I see the coast and river delta of northern Egypt approach with the spin of the earth. A great big smile spread across my face long before I knew why, causing Hillary to ask if I wanted to go there. Yes. By this time I was homing in on the river as if I was being drawn down like a kite on its string. At ground level everything

60 was perfectly clear. I could hardly feel my physical body as it lay placidly on the table, over two thousand years into the future. The Nile was busy with boat traffic of all sizes and arrangements of cargo, while its banks teemed with more toiling people. Quietly, I watched a man teaching his smallest children how to operate a shadoof and bring water to their small field, and a productive field it was too. They lived in a modest adobe-like home, with a dry-reed fence running from the back wall, around a large yard and back to the house. Two bovine critters lived in the back yard, feeding off the profusion of weeds and wild grains, and family scraps. It seemed that these people were quite content with their lives and they appeared to live well enough, at least as far as I could see. A blissfully warm day was upon us and I was a busy man too, so I moved on toward the coast, where I had important business to attend to. This time I described everything while making my way toward the city we know today as Alexandria. On the river came a barge carrying the huge sections of two colossal statues that were to be placed before the lighthouse. I knew that my business here was to conduct the sanctifying rights once the statues were in place. What is your name and how old are you?, asked Roma. I got a word starting with a V sound, that I didnt want to say, and I was turning fifty soon, which was a good age for a pampered Egyptian in those days. Someone said the word Vizier, and I still didnt want to admit it, that would be too much. While the feelings I had were grand, there was something else that worried me at a deeper level, something that I had yet to remember. Strolling through the town was exciting as the week long celebrations had begun for the marriage of a high-ranking noblemans daughter. Her caravan was entering the city through the east gate, shortly after I passed through it while returning from my morning walk. She was well endowed, her whole train of retainers (slaves) and the extensive dowry made a parade for the crowds in the streets, flaunting her fathers wealth for him. She also wore the blue eye make-up, signifying her status and

61 possible independent wealth. Her brand of eye-liner blue was made from crushing our holy blue-stone, Lapis Lazuli into a fine powder. Very expensive. I was asked by the ladies in 1998, if I could see the Library of Alexandria. What a good idea; lets go and have a look, No. Who is king now? Letters appeared before my eyes, strange letters that I thought must have read, Shalmanasser, and I got some vague impression of not the first one. Roma mentioned the river to me and wondered what was down that way, this also sounded like a good idea. I felt free again on my short, fast flight up-river and around the bend. When I came upon the Giza plateau my automatic brakes were activated to stop me exactly where I needed to be. Boy did it look different, it was all in terrific condition. Yes, its the pyramids. In my excitement I forgot to let the ladies know what I was doing, and had entered the great pyramid through some tunnels that the I in 1998 didnt know existed. A little blurry patch happened and I was standing in the main chamber reliving a different time in that life, cool huh? In here we were performing rights of passage; to my left was the female anointer, who felt for all the world to me like Hillary. And I remembered that we did these activities with a balance of female and male energies. Hillary chose that moment to ask me, What is the pyramid used for? From somewhere inside me, a deep powerful voice answered, It has many uses. Here we are taking this person through one of the seven levels of initiation. I will journey with him on his travels. Looking further to my left, I could see a tall staff standing in an open doorway that doesnt appear to be there in modern times. The staff had a hammered gold sun-disc above a crescent moon that was lying on its back, and the rest of the staff was gold leaf over timber. I mentioned this to the ladies who commented that it sounded like an Assyrian symbol. As I described it, I felt my physical arms reach out to take it at the same time my Egyptian

62 arms did, that was the most unusual feeling ever. It lets you know for sure that your really in there, when you can touch things and move them in two separate realities, simultaneously. I heard Roma say, Hes been in there too long already, lets bring him back. Just as I was about to really get stuck in and do some serious looking around too. I was asked to ascend, which I did even though I really didnt want to and went through the procedure to return. When I opened my eyes a realization occurred, I had experienced for certain that I was an Eternal Being, surviving the many passing-aways of tired and worn out bodies. This was precious, and I hoped for all people to be able to experience it in order to know for sure. So, I had been the defender of a Pict tribe living in the wilds of north-west Scotland, and had failed miserably in that capacity. Something in me was motivated to find out what I could do to make amends to the villagers and especially my wife and child of the time. Also, I had been the Grand Vizier of Egypt at one time and while it appealed to my ego, something else forced me into a more sober mind-set, something that I wasnt prepared to look at just yet. The ladies had made a tasty lunch which we sat down to as soon as we were ready, and I noticed that I was still getting streams of sights and information even though I was no longer in. Shirley explained to me that the newly re-opened avenues would stay open and that I should ground myself in order to bring attention to the now. The lunch was wonderful and so were the diverse conversations that also helped me to be fully here. Roma suggested that we try a meditation exercise after lunch and we all agreed wholeheartedly. As we were finishing up, Hillary said to me, Ive just got a message through for you. They want me to tell you that they are ready for you. Who, are they? They are your guides, they say you are ready to meet and work with them, she replied. That was all news to me. After this, we all sat comfortably in the lounge while

63 Roma facilitated the Walking in the Mist meditation. Because I had already tuned in it was easy for me to see and follow the path we were to use, which was a time-line constructed by Roma as a device to allow us to view future events. Travelling all the way to the year 3,000 was a blast, and the possibilities of what can be achieved over the next thousand years, is truly awe-inspiring. On the way we stopped at a signposted 2012 and were told to simply observe, without becoming emotionally attached to what was going on. My vantage point in relation to the earth was Africas southernmost cape. Very low clouds glowed with reflected red/orange colours from volcanic activity, while the whole earth grumbled and groaned under her strain. Vibrations ran through the world as tectonic movements created massive earthquakes. Before me a huge cliff face forced itself up over thirty metres in a splitsecond. Hot rocks and other fiery objects screamed in the atmosphere and glowed through the cloud deck before splashing into turbulent oceans. I turned around to get a better view of the seas and saw what I can only describe as, huge Lightships, gliding in toward the undulating coastline. Somehow I knew that they were here to move some people off the planet, for whatever their reasons. Roma directed us to expand our attention over the earth to see what was going on and reminded us again to not get involved emotionally, a very timely one too because I could already feel a tugging in that way. I immediately saw heavily depleted herds of Elephant and Zebra and knew that this was all that remained of their populations, thats when I nearly became emotionally connected. On either side of the northern hemisphere were two towers I thought must have been cities that hadnt collapsed yet, except they seemed to be built from saucer-shaped segments stacked one on top of the other to a great height. Twelve months later I saw an artists impression of those exact same towers, while watching a video about some crazy spaceship religion in America. Truth does come in all

64 guises. Continuing along the time-line brought us to 2035, where everything had calmed down again and life was recovering well. People had survived, although we had much smaller populations, which was a bonus to the bands of people who had come together after the upheavals. We had taken the initial steps toward effectively using resources without destroying things in the process. This had become the new imperative for human survival, dont make the same mistakes again. On we went in stages to 3000. The whole world had a nice feeling now, a harmony, we built among the trees and had seriously reduced our impact on the overall environment. When I looked at the African cape again, I was pleasantly surprised by the changes. Our towns were hard to see from the air which required me to get down on the street, sorry, path. No concrete and bitumen streets carving up the earth here, and would you believe it, no buildings over three stories tall. And those buildings were very unusual, being made from a crystalline structure, in the style of the towers I had seen in 2012. We had finally learned how to programme the growth of a crystal matrix and were growing buildings, in modular form. The experiment came to an end, and each of us described our sights. We found that all of us had seen the same kinds of things from our own points of reference. This indicated to me that we had seen the probable future. I was excited by understanding that we presently stand at a threshold in the great life-cycle of the earth. So what we teach our children is very important, more so than at any other time in our combined histories. If this harmonious probable future is to be brought about into reality, the changes required to do it must begin with us. Roma said good-bye to me with this statement, You can do these procedures for other people now, but I was not sure about whether I could. Watch out for those seeds from the first chapter dude. Over the next couple of weeks I did experiments with friends and learned that it was easy to do, I now felt that I would like to do this for others. Firstly though, I

65 really wanted to play around with it, and soon I was sitting home at nights going back to these different times all by myself. I learned that I could reconnect easily to the lives Id already explored by simply remembering their feeling. A little later I went back to the Pict life to see what could be done to heal it, but found myself arriving at a different place. And there was a building, as usual, one with a large portico at the rear which leads out to a very formal Grecian style garden. Standing under the portico was my wife Gerta, from the Pict life; she was a very strong woman in her way, reminiscent of the ancient warrior women. We talked while we made our way out to the garden, I apologized to her for my blunder and asked her forgiveness. She gave it with some reservation and turned into this lifes wife. I spun-out on that, opened my eyes and leapt out of the chair. With the F word running around in my head, I went outside for a smoke and to think for a while. Why did she do that? As my smoke rose into the night sky I remembered that both women had felt the same to me when I was there. Then I knew it, they were the same soul, thats why I knew them. It all made a lot of sense to me and it felt right, as more bits of the jigsaw puzzle fell into place. Just because I was not happy with this didnt stop me accepting it as reality. Five minutes later I was back at the house with the portico. Gerta was sitting in the garden waiting for me, she must have known I had to come back. We talked about our child Marva and shared some fond memories before she turned into Cheryl. This time I handled it, explained my mistakes and asked forgiveness. She didnt want to give an inch, but after more talk and time to remember the bigger picture, she also gave it grudgingly. Then she left Gerta and I sitting together on a bench to continue our talk. Gerta grabbed my hand while saying, Come with me, I want to show you something. We walked out of the garden together, through some misty stuff, and onto the path leading to the top of the ridge back in Scotland. Look., Gerta spoke in our native tongue, and with a sweeping gesture of her arm. The village

66 looked normal, people were doing what had to be done, life was going on. She kissed me lightly on the cheek and I knew then that we had succeeded in healing some of the scars from this pristine place. I was in no hurry to leave, so we stood together arm in arm, the way we used to way back then. Following on from Hillarys message, I decided to try to make contact with my guide, who she had told me was named Esgard. The first attempt began by sitting comfortably in a lounge chair trying to relax before taking three clearing breaths, placing attention beyond my forehead, while imagining white light above me. At the same time as I felt a warm sensation against my back, which was very calming, an idea came to bring the light down through me. Shortly after, it became apparent that I wasnt sitting in my chair, and before me was a shimmering partition, a long, bright veil, glowing in an expanse of darkness. Just in front of this was a robed, shining someone, who parted the curtain with one hand while beckoning for me to come with the other. Soon as I decided to go to the curtain, I was standing in front of it where the someone had opened it. The edge of the veil gave gently to my touch, I could feel it against my hand although it had no weight and closed quietly behind me as I stepped forward. Some exploratory steps showed me it wasnt totally bereft of light, I was glowing. And it was bright enough to make out an area of around four metres. Unfortunately I didnt get a further opportunity to explore this light as I sensed things approaching me. Vague shapes began coming into my lighted area, somehow I knew they were curious about the light and were checking me out. If that wasnt bad enough, most of them looked like enormous, weird, monster thingies from a thousand B-grade movies, so I moved on quickly. Another curtain could be seen off in the distance so I knew I was getting somewhere, or I was doing circles in the dark. This walk between curtains felt like a few hundred metres, as I stared down at my feet so I wouldnt be

67 frightened by seeing the thingies. Quickly I made my way through the second veil only to find more darkness, in fact it was so dark I could not tell how far the darkness went. A bright light came on and illuminated the base of a Mayan style pyramid with its stone steps leading up into the dark. Someone was standing at the bottom quietly urging me to climb the steps. That was enough for me, standing in this place not knowing where I was, who or what was someone and what would happen next. Forcing my eyes open to stop the experiment, I saw a large white glow in front of me. Gradually my sight returned to normal, assuring me that the journey was ended. The glow was from my Siamese cat lying across my lap, purring like an Italian sports car. I realized then that I had seen her energy field with the eyes of spirit. It was time for a coffee and cigarette outside to ponder over these events, and rest assured I didnt understand much at first. One thing I was sure of, someone wanted me to go somewhere, possibly to show me something, and, I would be afraid. I wasnt sure what my next move should be so I asked a couple of my friends who have had some experience with these things. After discussions the next night with my friend Jayne, I decided to try again, as it was now obvious that someone was my guide, and was also the warm feeling that had helped me to get there. Once again I sat calming the breath, seeing the white light over me, and did as Jayne suggested by going up into the white light. Another crazy idea came to me, one that I had played with as a kid, which was to imagine accelerating myself to light speed. It was simple to begin with, I felt an immediate rush that must have reeled me out. Before I realized what was happening I saw a nun with another woman standing behind her, but I was still travelling at a zillion miles per second and shot straight past them while trying to slow down. I eventually came to a halt in front of a lake. The lake was in a park, I saw steeply sloping banks leading

68 into a stone-lined canal that was crossed by an ancient stone bridge. As I walked toward the bridge I could see people sitting on park benches talking together, it felt to me like each person was conversing with their advisor. A robed man appeared on the path across the canal and walked toward the bridge, and as soon as I saw him I instantly recognized his feel from the experience in 1967. The charge of energy that I felt was overwhelming to me and so I forced my eyes open again, to end it. Ten minutes passed while I sat outside puffing away on another cigarette, as I thought about what had happened. As soon as the smoke was finished I went back into the lounge to continue the experiment. Remembering the feeling of standing at the bridge connected me up again, so I walked across it, sat on a bench and waited for my guide. He waisted no time in coming up to me, but all I could see was a thick cloud of light. I asked, Please, how can I connect with you? A large gnarled hand came out of the mist, I took hold of it with both hands and was pulled forward along the path. I could not see my guide in the cloud, but I could see the flagstones passing beneath me as I flapped along behind him. This was when I panicked and let go of him and forced my eyes open again. What I learned from these experiments was that, in no way did I know what I was doing and this park was the same one I had accidentally touristed to in 1978, so I knew it existed in some reality. This was also the second time that I had been confused with the white mists and a little idea began to creep slowly into my mind. Thinking back to the Pict life and all the trouble Id had with fog there, made me realize that I was creating the mists myself to mask whatever it was that I didnt believe I was ready to see. This is how I thought of it, my conscious part wanted to know what I was here to see, my sub-conscious was lounging around the back room and mumbling to itself, Uh-uh. Im not telling you anything, and Im not going to look at that. Abracadabra, the mist magically appears!

69 Another friend, Lee, offered to help me to contact visit my guide. I arrived at her house on time, nervous and excited. Ok, it was more like mildly shitting and no excitement, but at least I felt the fear and did it anyway. Let me make this clear, while spiritual endeavours are not meant to cause fear, and most times they dont for most people, I was feeling my fear, even though I knew there was nothing to be afraid of. Soon I was lying under a blanket getting toasty-warm while Lee talked me softly through her relaxation technique, Take yourself to the spot where you feel the best, your favourite place. I remembered a sunny hillside, and laying in the long grass soaking up all the sun had to offer. That little hill on the edge of my home town was where I liked to go for time out and to think about nothing. Lesson one, his turned out not to be my place. The effort required to make the image stay in my minds eye, even though it was only a product of recall, convinced me that it was not the spot. Letting go of trying to construct the scene, allowed me to relax further into a fuzzy feeling. As the good vibrations increased I also let go of thinking about it. A stretch of white sandy beach grew out from where I was sitting under the shade of some lovely old trees, looking over tropical water at white clouds sailing across the blue sky. Where are you?, Lees voice came up from the background. The question had made me think again, but the beach didnt fade away like my hillside did. On a beach, at the edge where it meets this forest....the water is so clear. She asked me if I would like to go for a walk, Ill sit and look around a bit, first. Look over there., she said, while pointing to our right. Which is the precise moment when I learned that Lee was also present in some form, she continued, Is that someone walking this way? Something in a light coloured robe was visibly approaching along the beach, as he came closer, an old, withered hand was offered from the deep sleeves. I didnt

70 need to see that, I could already feel him. Standing up and taking his hand in mine, we then hugged like the oldest of friends, which of course, we are. Lee asked me, What name? I put the question to him and he pronounced in my mind, Aesgard. Lee mentioned to me that he wanted me to walk with him, I wasnt going to disagree. While we walked hand in hand along the beach, I had the opportunity to look around and saw that it was part of a large bay. Behind the trees I had sat under was a steep slope that went up to a thin ridge, which then led onto a high hilltop. We talked and got better re-acquainted, for about a kilometre, then Esgard stopped and turned to face me. I took the time to ask some basic questions which he answered calmly and honestly. I think he wants to show you something. came Lees voice again. A part of me had already become aware of the presence of others around us as Esgard and I had talked, so that part must have known what was going on. Yes. The others are here now. This was an interesting feeling, knowing inside what was happening yet not so aware mentally. Turning around let me see a semi-circle of shining, peoplethingies. Who should be the first one? None other than the nun I had sped past in my earlier experiment, so I apologized to her for my ignorance. Throwing my arms around her, we hugged while I began to remember, Sarah was her name and she had helped me often. I knew that she would give her motherly advice when I asked for help to understand the dynamics of my daughter and myself. Esgard asked me to move on around the group, which I did, to be re-introduced to three hazily-formed male energies, Mathew, Michael and Lucas. Next came a vague figure with a small something in front of her, I recognized her feeling as Cheryl / Gerta and moved on again. Another woman came to my attention, she showed herself as Native American then morphed into a Celt, which stirred up emotions in me. Moving closer to her, I took her face

71 in my hands as tears ran down my real bodys cheeks, she did the same, and together we said, It is you, I thought I lost you long ago. We held each other tight and remembered together that we had been all things to each other many times before. Raven told me that we would meet again on the world, in the not too soon. Lee asked me to narrate the proceedings, to fill out the feelings and sights that she was getting. Under the circumstances it was quite difficult, I had only now come to understand that my long, unknowing search for love in this life was due to Ravens and my extensive history together. And it made sense to me now, why Debbie was one of the few women who had deeply reminded me of Raven. They both felt very similar to me, so I didnt stand a chance of not being smitten. Even though Raven is in the world at this time, we had not come across each other and now I knew that we would. I continued with the greetings and saw two more fuzzy figures followed by a definite and different one, who I sensed as having a wonderful humour. This recognition raised feelings of our long, fun friendship. Lee asked me, Can you describe this person, he feels like a happy soul. Well, not human to begin with, short, about four feet tall and possibly as round. He has a large mouth set in a face that looks a bit like a frog caricature. Gilgar, sounded in my mind and I knew him then as a great companion over many ages and on innumerable worlds. I told him I would come to talk with him again and in return he hinted that we would work together soon. A feeling came upon me as if I had forgotten a most important person and Lee spoke, I think someone is upset with you because you overlooked them. Knowing this I added, Shes a bit upset that I didnt see her before, its the little one. Returning to where I had sensed Gerta, and looking there properly, I saw a small girl-child aged around three years who was watching me expectantly. Kneeling, I put my arms out to her, she jumped onto my lap and hugged me so tightly that it hurt. As our energies mingled, I remembered that she was my Pict daughter, Marva. She did not

72 blame me for what had happened, which allowed old, suppressed feelings of guilt to flow out of my being and be replaced by a far greater love. It was at this time that I knew she was the same child who was with me in the world today, and I marvelled at how we had all come together in this lifetime to work through our old problems. With a sickening awareness, I learned that the leader of the raiders, who I had tracked down and killed, was also in the world now. I call him Brad this time. The connection we have this time is just as uncomfortable and competitive, although that was not of my logical minds choosing this time. Rather, it was a continuation of the old wounds we needed to work on. Click go the puzzle pieces, again. Esgard called me to walk on with him so I asked if Marva could come some way with us. Besides, she had no intention of letting go her hold on me so readily. Again we walked and talked, while I assured Marva that I would not leave her for so long and that I deeply loved her. She was happy with this, so Esgard said to her, Its time to return to your mother little one., she kissed me then happily raced off to join Gerta. Lee left the room saying, Ill leave you two to talk together. We walked along the beach a little further before turning onto a small path leading into the cool forest, and then bringing us to two stone benches that faced each other across the path. After sitting on opposite sides, I held Esgards hands in mine and tried to see his face. But all I could make out was what I imagined a tiny insect buzzing around your face would see. Everything was large, so large that I could only see one detail at a time as my vision passed across his enormous features. Do not be concerned with seeing me yet, ask your questions., he told me. Firstly I asked, How do I contact you easily? He withdrew his hands and this world began to dissipate until he took my hands again. So, I only needed to reach out for him, which really was simple.

73 Since my attention had been diverted onto this little revelation, it became possible for me to see him clearly. And, he looked exactly as I had remembered from 1967. Esgard sat smiling at me and was aware that I could now see him, then he split into two distinct individuals, which caused me to ask, Is this a different aspect of you, or is this someone different? Different aspect, yes. I choose how I appear. Then he gave me an entire concept in one hit. One part was the main entity or higher self, with another portion of itself appearing as a skullcapped Druidic figure. So this is what was so significant about the Celtic study. They both smiled as more pieces of the jigsaw puzzle clicked together along with the Druids name, Tayesin. I knew then more study was in order to learn about this person. They continued. The little one who is with you now in the world, has an important task in this life. What and how you teach her is also very important, they told me. Do I ask you any questions about her? The reply was, You can, but speak with Sarah for she will help. You will know how to find her later, when you need to. We also discussed some of the things that I had been up to in the last twenty years, then we finished this visit with hugs all round. Afterwards, I joined a couple of friends on Lees back steps for a cup of tea and a comfortable chat. I had learned that this wasnt the difficult stuff I tried to do as a teenager, it was simple, the main problem was I tended to make things far more difficult than they needed to be. Being a relatively complex person allowed me to see the complexities in many things and because of this I always dissected everything in order to understand it more completely. This is why I never saw black and white about anything, noticing instead the many shades of grey. While there is nothing wrong with trying to see and understand all these areas, problems arose when I applied this to things that were simple and needed no dissection. You can watch the years slide by while trying to dissect the undissectible!

74 These experiments must have revitalized dormant parts of me, as Sight came again, when I least expected it. While visiting Lees, an image superimposed itself over the view that I had up until then, been enjoying. It was of an ordinary stick, which was gradually and graphically worked into a Staff, of all things. I felt it to mean that I should make this staff, for whatever its purpose. Lee agreed with my deduction after I described the vision to her. The next thing I did was to let go of the whole thought. I figured that if I was supposed to create this, then the means would become available. Within a week, the raw stick presented itself at my favourite picnic spot while Lee and I were taking the kids bushwalking. That night I sat quietly in my chair holding the stick and seeing the changes which occurred around the tree that had produced this gnarled piece. I dont know how old the tree was but I now knew it had lived through many changes. Seven days later the staff was completed. It had been worked by hand and blade, with a quieter mind almost as if in meditation, which offered me an acute awareness. I was weaving energy into it with my thoughts and movements, all of which were deliberate, calculated and conforming exactly to the original plan I was shown. Some greater part of me had known what to do, how to make smooth holes where necessary, how to fit the right piece of rock-crystal into a hand made recess at the top and even how to bind the hand grips. The end product was a clone of the one I had seen, its simplicity and form are unpretentious. What I didnt know, was what I should do with it. Did this staff have a purpose or was it something Spirit tasked me with to get my attention? Pretty good questions dont you think? The thoughts that went into my staffs making were very important, as I had learned that thoughts are energy forms we create. Every second of the day we create them, they are energy, so they have power. Thousands of powerful but separated thoughts are radiated, so try to imagine what we could achieve globally, if most of us

75 united some of our thoughts daily. Once the staff was finished an urge came to name it, but I didnt know why or what sort of name to choose. I had not been back to see Esgard for three weeks and so the search for a name became the motivation behind the next meditation. By the time my daughter was asleep I was ready to make the journey. Following the same process as before, I reached out to find Esgards hands waiting for me. The Druid Tayesin was present again so I asked them both what name I should give to the staff. Smiling that expansive, loving smile of theirs, they answered, What is in a name? Hoping for a straight answer I told them, I dont know, what exactly do you mean by that? Esgard offered me this fact, It is your choice. You should know the answer, which is why you were asked this question? Not knowing how to pursue this line, I turned to speak to the Druid. For the first time Tayesin spoke of his own accord, Come, I will show you something. He then turned his back to me, which I found confusing. How could he show me anything with his back to me? Esgard whispered in my ear, He is waiting for you to step into him. Do it now. What a weird feeling! As I stepped into Tayesin, I could feel every particle, his distinct size, posture, and age. I could see an old castle across a tree-lined lake and felt recognitions simmering inside me. They came flowering into my awareness as memories. From this I learned that we are the same soul, the same portion of spirit and I had been Tayesin in an earlier incarnation. So many things came to the fore that it was like having an entire lifes-worth of them come at one moment. Esgard had showed the Druid at our first modern encounter to try and usher the memories. Tayesin was part of my history, a part of my higher self that incarnated one and a half thousand years ago. Very slowly, I deduced that if he was part of my higher self, and I was part of Esgard, then both of them must be part of me. That blew me away, what a huge concept to get so early in the proceedings.

76 Their question to me asking what was in a name, had its answer surface at the same time that I was having the memories. It was related to specifying what you were after. Naming is important, as it tags an energy and is a vibration. Whether spoken or thought a name does therefore, have power. The name for my staff came from a novel Jayne lent to me, The Circle and the Cross, by Caiseal Mor. My staff was named Mawn, for balance, which all fitted nicely with the feminine aspect of the tree it had come from and with the male/female quality of the crystal that resides in the top. It became a reality for me when un-balanced people held it in their hands. My friend Ron, who was trying to get to the bottom of his self-imposed rut, grabbed it without asking permission. His body shook with the intensity of the energy that drove into him, until he returned Mawn to its proper place. He then looked at me saying, Wow man, that was wild. Did you see that? It was great. I could feel it run up my arms then it hit me. Wow. The following day, Ron was far more lucid in his thoughts and receptive to the information I had to give him. But, Mawn seemed to be drained by Rons impromptu actions, or so I thought. I decided to work with it, to re-energize it again.

77

Deeper Still.
On the path of knowledge we are always fighting something, avoiding something, preparing for something; and that something is always inexplicable, greater and more powerful than us.
Carlos Castaneda.

Two months later I was invited along to a Sunday group where the opportunity for wider experience was offered. A lady had come to the group seeking an answer to her most pressing question, why does my mother hate me? She had been told that I was an excellent psychic and would be able to help. I rejected this description of me, how could I be something that I didnt know anything about officially? The word psychic had, for me, pre-supposed ideas and I was severely uncomfortable with them. Those Seeds again. As we were led into the meditation, I clearly saw a woman dressed in 1940s style clothing walking home at night. This lady was set upon by a German soldier and then quickly overpowered as more soldiers joined in the act of raping her. I was horrified by the clarity of my vision and felt emotions rising in response to it, only to have the scene change to a modern time-frame. The woman was now old and withered as she lay on a hospital bed waiting to die, in a sense she was relieved by the prospect. She had lived with the memory of how her child was conceived and it had festered inside her to such an extent that she was never able to show the love she felt for her daughter. Every time she had looked at her child, she was painfully reminded of her experience with the soldiers. The flood of this womans anguish was intense for me and I needed to get out of the meditation, so that I could fend off my growing need to cry and find a way to deal with the pain I had taken from this person. When everyone had finished, Roma asked me what Id

78 seen and knowing not to be backward in coming forward, I told all. To the lady with the question I explained, Your mum is dying and she needs to be released from her pain. She needs to know that you do love her because she really does love you, just not the way you were conceived. That didnt go down well at all with the woman who wanted a different answer. Most people in the meditation had seen something similar to me so I knew we were seeing true. I still had no idea what to do with the anguish I had taken from the old woman. Taking the coffee break as an opportunity to go outside and sit on the grass for a cigarette, I heard Esgard say to me, Know that what you have done this day you will do for others. You are not yet ready for those, you were ready for today. Find a suitable tree to release the pain. I got up and walked along a track until I found the lightly glowing tree, just like the library books. So I went up and explained to it what my intentions were and did what I was urged to do. Those feelings poured into the huge tree and freed me at the same time, which was a huge relief. After that I thanked the tree for its wonderful service and hugged it while the great love feeling expanded. As I turned to leave, I found a feather at my feet that had not been there only two minutes before. It reminded me of another time when a large Eagle feather was presented by spirit, floating above the ground in a stiff breeze that did not move it, after I had followed directions, so I took this one too. Lunch was very nice. After which, we went on to do past-life work with some of the people who were present. By now I was getting clear images of what the subjects were experiencing, most times it seemed like my awareness was almost floating beside them in their old life. You know, journeying into past lives can be very enjoyable once you have gotten over the initial surprise. So it wasnt long before I was on the table preparing to travel in time. Once prepared and everyone concerned is ready, I whoosh through the door to have a play with flying. Now this type of flying is fun, you can

79 go almost wherever you choose and I found that you will know when its time to get serious, you can feel it. Gently touching down to earth, I hear Maya and see very steep mountains all around. There is a paved stone path leading off into the slopes and back the other way are large stone foundations topped with smaller rock structures and buildings. The first question is, Who are you, what do you do? I am a messenger, I run. Sometimes long distances, and sometimes two or three days to the next messenger. What are you wearing? Bear feet, a type of loin-cloth and this belt., I say while touching the wound gold belt around my mid-section. And do you have a weapon? Only this small knife, was my reply while holding the curved hand grip of my dirge, as it sat concealed in an internal scabbard behind the main belt clasp, Its bronze. Roma asks if I am aware of the penalty for bad news, I can only respond with a cautious nod of my head. What about your families, tell us about the children? Our children are with the elders, their grand-parents, until they are four or five years, so the strong and healthy can work. After, they learn how to grow food here, then they will study how we sustain the production of those foods. When older, they are helped to pursue their strengths, be it labouring, metallurgy, astronomy, healing and music. The brightest will be taken for instruction. Turning and walking to the outside walls, I continue the narrative, At the entrance are two unusual pillars we must go between before stepping up into the city. As you walk into that area you can feel some kind of field that senses if you belong here. Now I extend my walk to investigate further, There are sewerage pipes down the slopes that pours the waste into the downstream river, below and away from the city. Here are the flowing water troughs for everyone to use. I did say water troughs? How did we get water all the way up here? It must be nearly one thousand feet down to the river below, and I know of no man-powered bucketing system.

80 I was very interested in how this was done, for as messenger-me, I had no idea because my only concern was to run. Curiosity got the better of me and so I went in search of the answers to my questions, Beyond the plaza, Im walking up curving steps into a room with three slit windows. The floor is set around the top of a very large rock that has been ground almost flush with the floor. Going back out of the room, there are more steps leading down and around the outer walls of the observatory. There is an opening carved out of the rock below that room. Stepping into the hollowed out interior........um....there are two shiny machines consisting of twin tubes connected to other things. They are pumps......and this will sound silly, but, they are powered, somehow, by the huge rock in the centre of the room. This is the same rock that has its top in the three-windowed room above. It is also the source of the energy field that I passed through when entering the city. This was as much a revelation to me as it must have been for the other people who were listening in to my journey and I wondered if they felt as curious about this as I did. Continuing on, I went outside the city by following the well-trodden pathway, while answering more questions. The next thing I saw really didnt surprise me. Three scout-ships flew out of the nearby range and assembled in formation at a point four hundred metres away, before exiting our worlds atmosphere in unison. It was for me, in that life, the most normal thing to have seen because I had interacted with their occupants many times. I spoke directly to Roma, Did you know they were here? She responded, Who is there? The answer, The visitors from the stars. stalled her only momentarily. Then she eagerly asked, Can you tell us about them please? The memories surged back to me, I could not answer her because I was struck dumb by a paralysing fear. They were our overlords, a particularly nasty breed of character, who enjoyed plenty of human blood-letting. These were the gods of old who demanded many sacrifices for them on a daily basis. Emphasis

81 on the words, for them. I was then helped back to calmness before returning to the present time and again I had a play on the way. In this way I could free myself from the feelings, so I would not be affected by them again. At the end of the day Roma asked me if I could remember what had happened to the Mayans. I could not, even though I had some images leap into my mind, so she asked me to investigate further by journeying back at my leisure. So far, I have not been back to look. This life was much earlier than the Egyptian one and demonstrated to me that an advanced Mayan culture had existed further back in history than is usually accepted. I knew we had built a city in the mountains on top of huge stone ruins that had been there since before our time. We did not question this, but gave thanks for the solid base on which to build our own city. As you can see today, cities like Machu-pichu were built with smaller stones and much of the city has survived the ravages of time, probably because of these monolithic foundations. Shortly after, Lee and I did a joint meditation. We walked along the sandy beach and found some stone steps leading up the slope to the ridge, exactly like the ones Esgard had tried to show in my first experiment. So we climbed them. Near the top of the ridge was a larger stone slab, like a small landing, with a faint trail heading off into the overgrown shrubs. I rested here while looking up to the higher ground and noticed that it was brighter up there, so I wanted to keep going. Lee pointed down the disused trail and said, Theres an old cave over there, do you want to go in? Without waiting to find out why I felt weird about the cave, I headed straight up to the high spot. We found an ancient carved stone standing at the centre of the small plateau and while I scouted around, Lee mentioned, You know, there was something like thin cardboard covering the floor of that cave. Lets go and check it out. Still feeling weird I said, I want to play around a bit. How about we meet back at the steps? With that I took off, literally, as flying around was the easiest way to see everything.

82 The ridge we had used to reach the high ground turned out to be one of four arms. Each arm appeared to radiate, cross like, from the summit. So from the air it took on the appearance of the Tao, an ancient symbol that has been used to signify the name of God and a hundred other things. We did meet back at the steps for the return trip and afterward we shared our separate experiences. Lee had carefully gone into the cave, found a window-like opening in one wall that faced out to sea and had watched me buzzing around outside. I learned that you can fly through the water, in fact, you can do anything you set your mind to. Theres the biggest clue. For some reason I didnt want to get too serious yet, besides, I was having the best fun. I knew that I would have to settle down and take a good look at things soon, but not right now. Another friend, Mark, had just been to see a psychic who had given him a very interesting esoteric reading. She had recorded the session and given him the copy, which we listened to that night. I strongly felt she had broached things that Mark and I had nutted out between ourselves over the previous year. On the strength of Santes reading for Mark, I decided to go to her and see what she had for me. Walking in the door to her room, I asked, How are you feeling today? She turned to face me with a look of surprise and said, In the twenty years Ive been doing this work, no-one has ever asked how I feel! During our session she spoke about my guide by saying, The ancient seer who stands behind you is showing me the colour red. Do you know why? Oh, it is something that comes out at the point of anger, do you understand that? I said, No idea. Then I got the idea that it related to the incredible power that resides deep inside all of us, and one that I feel when angry. Sante mentioned that she saw me jumping off a cliff to fly around and also made the point that I went there regularly, whether I was aware that I did or not. Continuing on she said, There is a cave, the floor is covered in a paper, like cardboard.

83 I see you going there, finding ancient icons and particular objects buried in the dust of the floor, and you are asking, Whos are these? Your Self says, They are yours, do you not remember? She informed me that it was I who had put the covering on the floor, in order to cover my tracks from the past. It made no sense to me at that moment. Esgard had showed me the steps to the cave during my first experiment with meeting my guides, while Lee and I had found our way to the cave by ourselves. Now it had come up three times, blatantly indicating that this cave was important to me and investigating it must therefore be my next step. So a couple of days later I was jointly venturing off to the cave area with Lee. Finding the steps without going the long way around the beach took me a little while, as this consciously directed journeying was still new to me. From the bottom of the steps I could see a shining person near the top. When I reached the landing, a tall warrior woman was waiting there, she spoke, What took you so long, Ive been waiting for ages. Lee and I then made our way into the cave, in the half-light I could barely make out a window across from me that let in a lighter, softer light. Low stone benches curved around the walls and on them sat carved stone objects covered in thick dust. On the floor there really was a thin cardboard layer, forming a circle around the central stalagmite and stalactite. Stepping backward to the entrance, I knelt down to get a better look at the first carved object to my right. Removing most of the dust layer showed me a stone icon in the shape of a vulva, which was covered in swirl symbols. I instinctively knew that it represented the earth mother in her fertility. As such, it also indicated to me that it came from a very early time in human history. Moving along and dusting as I went, allowed me to see two more stone objects. The first was a beautifully carved and detailed Celtic cross which left no doubt to its time frame, and the second was an equally lovely

84 Egyptian Ankh. Placing my hand on the first one to trace the swirls with my fingers brought some more jigsaw pieces together. These objects would require me to make many more visits to the cave so that I could remember what they meant to me. For a reason that I did not understand at the time that thought left me a little chilled with my own fear. I would have to discover why for myself. We didnt stay much longer and I was out of the chair, reaching for a cigarette well before Lee had a chance to open her eyes. I was excited about the meditation and at the same time apprehensive for no great reason that I could say. It was awesomely exciting and wonderful stuff, granted, but the part of me that knew what was really happening had begun to get nervous. Mind you, I was not yet fully aware of that part, only the nervousness. It was time to give myself a few days off before doing more dimensional orienteering. I use that term loosely, because the word meditation cannot convey the true meaning of what we were doing. Together, we travelled to places other than our Earth, experiencing things that few people could imagine. We really were pioneering, in the truest sense of the word, as anyone who does these things can probably attest. To be more specific with a description, these were Shamanic journeys, irrespective of anyone elses concepts of what that entails. Making the next visit alone gave me the chance to remove the cardboard from the floor and do a little cave cleaning. What came to my attention first, was that I found many more icons under tons of dust, some which I had a small working knowledge of and others that had me stumped. Especially those that were obviously technologically advanced, when compared to anything we have in the world today. In the process of cleaning the piles of dust and dirt from the caves floor, I discovered some interesting things. The first was two bracelets, made from gold and bearing a striking resemblance to those I had worn in the Pict life. Both of them consisted of two intertwined serpents forming the band, between their heads sat a

85 sun disc. Workmanship was easily on a par with todays standards, which is all the more fascinating when you think that they could have been very ancient, originally. Scratching further in the loose dust and dirt produced a ring with an unusually faceted Lapis, in a heavy gold setting. On each side of the stone was a detailed wing embossed on the band, in the style of Assyrian or Egyptian Cultures, among others. From behind me Esgard said, Do you remember them? I have seen the bracelets before but not the ring. Esgard and a smiling Gilgar walked around to where I could see them, we hugged then Gilgar said, When you return to your cave next I will work with you to help bring the memories. I felt a strange disturbance in the pit of my stomach. Esgard told me, Your body is restless, you must go back. Opening my eyes, I looked at the clock to see how long Id been gone, forty-five minutes had elapsed. How could that be? My time at the cave was only about ten minutes. I could not account for the time difference. Outside my house, on the footpath, two drunks were fighting over the telephone booth. No wonder the body was restless, my daughter was in the front room asleep and I hoped to keep it that way no matter what was causing the ruckus outside the house we lived in. In just a handful of months I had come along like a rocket on lift-off, giving me a very steep learning curve. It had been such an intense time with all these experiments that I decided on some time off, to soak up all the information, and for some recreation. My new, growing awareness about what this was all heading for needed some time out too.

86

Big Red.
In each of us there is another whom we dont know.
- C.G.Jung.

One month had passed since my last journey and I had enjoyed the break very much. During the interim Id had enough opportunity for the information to soak-in from those previous meditations. The internal drive was revving-up again, so time had come to take the next few steps. Lee asked me if I wanted to do some more journeys together and I agreed that we should. On our next visit we walked around outside the cave and Lee found an old Native American man sitting on the rocks above it. He held a small cup containing fire and a miniature sword. She narrated her walk-about for me while I was looking through the caves window. Instantly I knew what the flaming sword in the cup symbolized. Lee said, I think its for me. But I knew the old man was showing what was on offer here, it was something that I vaguely remembered from many ages ago. Through the window I could see that a little owl was sitting on the floor in the middle of the cave, which got my curiosity going, so I went in to investigate and called Lee to join me. Inside was mildly disappointing because the owl had left the building, having done the job of getting us in there. Lee suggested that we sit down and see what we were here for, soon she continued, Im being told you need to sink down into the rock. Ready? Lets go. Fear was strong in me as I slipped, ever so slowly, into the rock floor. At one stage I got myself stuck with only my head poking above the ground, scared that I could not breathe if I went any deeper. Dont be afraid. Watch me, you can breathe in the rock, Lee assured me. Trusting that if my friend could do it, then anyone could, I pushed down a little further. Guess what? I could easily breathe. As that first fear

87 faded, I felt a much deeper one and had no idea what it meant. We moved around in the rock for a short while, probably so I could get used to it, and I did. Getting over-confident, I shot up through the rock to a great height above the cave before turning around and diving straight down into it again, at high speed. Going much deeper this time, I saw a red glow further down and felt a wave of fear jar through me. Curiosity got the better of my fear and I went to have a cautious look. Upon closer inspection, the light appeared for all the world like a Red Dragon, curled up, asleep. If I thought that Id ever felt fear before, I was mistaken, this was fear. It propelled me out of the area and the meditation. Inside I knew what this dragon was and what needed to be done, but my fear was absolute. Jayne loaned some more books that made me aware of a new phenomenon. I could feel the power rising in me when reading sections where ancient rites were being used to empower high-magic in the story. Those feelings came fast and strong and took me by surprise. Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley had that effect, while also introducing the character of Taliesin to me. I wondered if this Taliesin was the same as my Tayesin, I would find out. Reading the books in the series brought more pieces of the puzzle home to roost. While reading a certain passage about how Taliesin had become the Merlin, my head prickled with the energy I felt, at the same moment that my stomach went into metal butterflies mode. Something big was trying to get my attention, by hinting at a secret that the knowing part of me had been hiding. My intuition was telling me that Taliesin was an historical figure and so far I had good reason to think that this was so. I went back to the library to see what I could find out about the man and his life. Following the same trends, the next few books continued and then confirmed my suspicion that Taliesin had been a real person. It seemed to me that Tayesin was the phonetic pronunciation of Taliesin. Many of those

88 yeahs jumped out at me when looking at photographs of historical English sites, and while reading histories of that region. I was on to something definite, my experiences so far had taught me that I had been Tayesin and it was possibly being affirmed, in a historical sense, by the life of Taliesin. These books also helped me to answer my questions about time differences between the worlds. I learned that most other places of existence vibrate at higher levels than ours and therefore have time constructions relative to their specific rates. In a similar sense, the common fly has a heart rate much higher than ours, as do many animals. Because of this it lives a much quicker, and therefore shorter life, when compared to us. And yet one short life for a fly is still an entire life. Its simple; time is only relative to having a perception of it. Two weeks later I decided to venture off to the cave again and Lee came for the journey too. A raven was in the cave and outside on the path to it sat a white crocodile! That was confusing and a bit scary too, even if I sub-consciously knew it was here to help. I was glad to see the black bird sitting on a perch halfway up the caves wall, and I was in no doubt that it was Raven. The bird felt exactly like her, so I could not doubt. From this I learned that Raven is part and parcel of the long term process there and here. This time I went straight down to the dragon despite my fears. Red was still sleeping so I decided it was safe enough to have a look about. He was more than just big, that is not the right word for it. Ten or so metres of living, breathing dragon laying right beside you can only be described as oh shit. Maybe we will simply call it bloody huge, and move on. It was curled up the way a cat does when they are cold. As I walked around to the sharp end, I could feel awe for this critter and took my time checking it out. At first I had not seen the faint golden glow in its chest, and when I looked closer, I found an answering glow coming from me. I put my arms around the dragon and could feel big love between us, so I cuddled it for a longer time. When stepping back, I noticed that

89 it was stirring from its slumber; one very big eye was staring at me intently. Fortunately, the fear wasnt stronger than the love I was feeling for him. I will come back my friend, I told the dragon before backing away to leave. Later, Lee and I sat on the veranda sipping tea while I described my meeting with Red. Now I did know something for sure. This dragon and I would merge one day, even though the prospect of that frightened me. I had remembered that this was something Id done once or twice before in past times. A huge responsibility would come with doing this and it was up to me to learn how to deal with it, thats if I intended to continue any further along my path. And I was as sure as I could be that I really did want to continue, the other option was to remain in a limbo state between mediocrity and success. Deep inside I could tell that my learning curve was about to go ballistic, again. Santes message about the colour red meant something to me now, so I decided to continue with most of the journeys on my own. Intuition was telling me that Red was symbolic of an immense power that lies dormant in us most of the time, and it was also a representation to me of times past, indicating the path to a wider understanding of who and what I really was. I would have to feel my fears and do it anyway. Back at the cave, I wasted no time in searching out the remaining icons and dusting them off. I found a carved bull, an ornately created cup, and numerous other stone objects that each related to different times and cultures in Earths long history. It didnt take me long to realize that if this was my cave, these icons were mine also. They indicated to me that I had lived at least once for each of them and if I wanted to know my-self, then I would need to remember the lessons in them all to understand what paths had brought me to here. With this understanding freshly entered into my awareness, I chose to test an equally new idea that had just popped, fully-fledged into my mind. To the left of the caves mouth, I had found a small Stele that was carved with the most ancient symbols, and so it was that this one should be the first to undergo my test.

90 Kneeling before the icon, I vaguely saw an energy surrounding it which I breathed in through my nostrils. Mists circled in my minds eye for a moment, before clearing away and letting me see that I was in England, standing beside the Stella in its original place. Im not sure of the time period but I could see a heavily thatched building across the dirt track which separated us. I knew that over the centuries, many travellers had stopped at this spot to ask for favours of safe keeping and to pay respects to the Spirit that was represented by this Stella. Knowing that I was the Spirit these travellers had been asking for safe passage from, had to be diverted so Ego would not run away with the concept. This is so cool, I said to myself. Despite my excitement at getting to this place so easily, I decided to leave and do more investigating inside my cave. Since I didnt fully know what time I was in or how I should return, I simply intended to go back and was quickly returned. This is how I relearned to connect with the sights and memories that these icons represented to me, and also how I could travel to places or events of my choice. Just at the moment I had that thought, Gilgar entered the cave in his usual smiling way and said, You should wear the two bracelets when you come, you have earned the right to do so, long ago. It is best to come prepared. This time we will work on the ring, put it on please. I had found a unique ring earlier, while cleaning the cave. Slipping the ring onto my finger and breathing in its accumulated energy took me to a time when I was a Bard in service to my King. The first crusades were just getting underway and many of the crusaders took their mission as a licence to kill and pillage at will, particularly if the local king and his subjects still followed the old ways. It was in this climate of madness that I had learned through my ritual ways, of an impending attack. My duty was to the King and so I approached him with plans to secrete his

91 household in a place known only to me, until the danger had passed. Mists moved me along to the night of celebration, after those crusaders had left the castle to continue their mission elsewhere. The King was speaking to me in formal tones, before all the gathering, And so I bestow this gift upon you Druid, for saving us from the christian hordes. He then continued, It has been in my family since time out of mind and is made from your holy stone, is it not? It is Lapis, my lord. A holy stone none the less and I accept it in the way you have given. Will you play for me tonight my good friend?, he asked, just as formally. When I looked in front of me I saw a harp was being readied for my touch. Can I play the harp? I asked myself, because I dont have that skill in my present life-time. My lord, it will be my greatest pleasure. I will play a lament for those who were not so fortunate as we. And with that, my hands went to the strings and played a music that not only moved me emotionally, it also had that effect on the people gathered within the Kings hall. It was a lilting and yet powerful melody that wove its way to the hearts and minds of those present. Needless to say, I was pretty excited at learning that not only could I play one of these harps, but I could play well. Gilgars face came into my mind and asked me if I understood what the ring meant, and after I replied that I wasnt sure, he said, Connect with it now, in the time you are in. I really did understand the lesson within his words about time perceptions and did as he suggested. Once again the mists whirled in my mind until I was back in Egypt again, in the life of Ahmhet (spelling?) the Vizier. I remembered that this particular ring was made under my direction for the Pharaoh, to symbolise to him the levels of initiation that he had completed, and it was my pleasure to help him to know this. Once I had remembered, I returned to the cave where Gilgar and Esgard were waiting for me. Do you remember?, they asked in unison. I explained to them what I had learned from the journeys so far, Good, was all they had to say about it. Gilgar suggested

92 that I try the same connection technique with the gold bracelets and was soon transported to the Pict village. Only this time I was a lad of seven, sitting with the tribe while important decisions were being discussed by our elders. I strongly disagreed with one decision, showing that I did not know my place in the tribes hierarchy, and was chastised for it. Our holy man stepped over to me and said to the gathering, This child speaks true. I wish to take him for instructing in the ways. Mists came again. When they cleared, I was about thirteen years old and being prepared for a ritual at an ancient mound we called Dragons Lair, that was at a weeks walk from the village, down on the flatter lands amongst the ancient forests. The preparations included me having to drink a vile potion my mentor had made for me, that was intended to help. I couldnt see how it could help if I didnt keep it down, which was demanding work. As the concoction took effect, I was carried to a cave inside the mound and vaguely recall hearing instructions through the drugged haze I was experiencing. Everyone left in a hurry, and some time through that night another visitor came. This one was huge and looked exactly like Red as it approached me menacingly. My stupor left me instantly as I remembered the instructions, show no fear lest you be eaten by the Dragon. Standing as tall as possible I faced the monster and said, You will not devour me, my friend. I am the one chosen for this and so I am here. Let us begin. I felt his hot, moist breath as he stood over me, mouth open, poised to strike if I so much as flinched with indecision. Now was the time, I turned my back to let him step into me. In a fraction of a second I grew thirty feet tall and marvelled at my new wings, then I felt its power rising up inside. It rose to test me already. Next morning I awoke to being splashed with cold stream water from skin-buckets, and while still very groggy from the potion, my sight was clear enough to see fresh tattoos on my wrists. I remembered them as the ones I had noticed at my first visit to the Pict life and now knew how I had come to have them. My

93 wise old teacher came forward and handed me the two gold serpent bracelets, saying, They are old as time, having survived the great destruction. Wear them always. More mists, and I was back at the cave with my two smiling guides. What is your understanding?, they asked. I learned that time is not real. All there is, is the now, no matter where you are. And, Ive done this same thing before, so Im in the world to do it over again. Thats when I got a further inkling into what my greatest fears were about, I had done this before. Esgard hugged me then said, It is time to return to the flesh. I did not want to return to my body because I was enjoying this journey immensely, but Esgard was right, I could feel it and so I hugged them both before heading back to open my eyes. Checking the clock showed me I had been gone for two and a half hours this time. In that time I had lived a day and a half from the Pict life, ten minutes from the Egyptian one and about an hour from the time as a Bard. Another thought came to me, I was glad not to have had these experiences as a child in this life, otherwise I may well have ended up in a sanatorium. Thirty years has made all the difference to me, because now, it does not matter if most people I tell dont believe me. Now no one could tell me I was crazy and have me question myself because of it. Now I knew. I only sound crazy to people who have no concept of other realities apart from their own. Once again I felt encouraged to continue. On the following night I journeyed to the high ground near my cave where Esgard, Tayesin and Gilgar met me. We stood in a circle holding hands for a moment before gently raising up from the ground and gravitating to the cave entrance, in time for another twist in the plot. The white crocodile was lying in the way and did not seem interested in moving so that we could go in. Gilgar spoke first, He is here to test you, do it well. A test? No one said anything about tests. Why are you here? sounded clear and strong in my mind. To continue

94 the remembering. What is your purpose? To know who I am. He then went silent but still did not move, which confused me initially. Fortunately, Gilgar helped with, He wants you to make Manna. Remember, then do it. Manna? How do I make that? I dont know how. Again Gilgar whispered to me, Quieten. Be still and you will do it. Shutting-off my jabbering mind, I instantly saw how to reach into the air with my hand while using awareness to gather small particles, which then converged in my palm to form a tiny, round white-cake. I even surprised myself! Where did I learn to do that? No answers to that question were forthcoming. Offering the cake to my examiner caused a stomach flutter that soon vanished, along with the white crocodile and its meal. It had left so abruptly that I was taken back a bit. Gilgar smiled at me and I heard, It must have been ok. But, you will do better next time. At least we could get inside the cave now. As I walked in, I was not prepared for this next twist; it really did come as a surprise. The old Native-american man Lee told me about was sitting cross-legged on the bare floor of the cave. He still held his hot cup in his hands and was smiling like the others in the cave with me. We sat in a circle while Esgard probed my understanding, Do you know what it is you see in his hands? Yes, I replied while holding the entire concept of what I understood in my mind for him to see. Very good. The old Indian offered the cup in my direction and I accepted it with all the reverence that I could feel. I took the sword of fire out and placed the lovely little cup into the larger cup icon Id found earlier, then held the sword aloft. As I did so, it grew full size and the caves ceiling seemed to give way to the blade, allowing me access to the vastness of outside. It felt good in my hands and I knew then that I had also held this sword in some age gone by. Some of the swords abilities came to me as memories, so I spiralled up into the air and used the blade to cut away the strings that bound me, like

95 anchor chains, to newly insignificant moments of my current life. Once back in the cave I discovered that I had a large ropelike strand around my mid-section, which had been there for so long that it had worn its way into my spirit-body. I stood up and carefully cut away at it with the sword but could not remove all of it. Esgard said, When you remember how to use it effectively, you will be free from many things. I then thanked the old native man for his gift and in return he gave me another entire concept, and included the suggestion, Use it wisely and guard it diligently. Esgard asked me if I understood the last instruction, and honestly, I didnt comprehend too much of it. He then told me, Others will come looking for that one. It is given to you for service and not to others for theirs. You must hide it well. Hide it? Where can I hide a sword this big? That is your choice, choose soon. Again I stood up to look around for a safe place but could not see anywhere suitable, an idea came to put it in me. This was easier done than said, and the sword disappeared from view. Esgard looked at me with a bigger than usual smile and told me I was doing very well, only then did I realize he had included a test in the course of our short talk. Now the urge came to go home and open my eyes, so I gave everyone a big hug and promised to return the next night. During the next day, excitement filled me with expectation for the evenings journey, so I never considered that my expectations may have no place in the events that were to come. When my daughter was sound asleep, I prepared in the same manner as before only this time I travelled to another place. The weather was dismal, soaking rain, mud everywhere and through the haze I saw an Asian man carrying heavy bundles as he made his way along some memorized path. Looking about me showed that I was in a village during Japans feudal period and by the lack of spark in the villagers, I would say it was dark times in this corner of the land. To my left was an animist religions shrine, similar in style to early Shinto shrines. I heard a quiet squelch sound, like a heavy person

96 walking on the mud. When I turned to get a clearer view I saw a warrior in gloss black, full armour, and I wondered for a split-second if it was shiny from the rain or from polishing. Before I had the chance to finish this thought, he drew a sword and took stance in front of me, clearly indicating what his intentions were. I ducked left and dropped to the ground as he made his exploratory move and then I thrust my feet into the back of his knees, which brought the heavy opponent crashing backwards to the ground. How I wished for my own sword to defend myself with. To my utmost delight, the sword appeared, fully-weighted in my hand. Taking advantage of this situation I rested the sword point gently on his throat, as a hopeful bluff, and waited for his sign of acceptance. His arm muscles tensed at the moment he was about to let rip with his blade and I finished it by leaning heavily on the hilt of my sword, I did not want to kill anyone and was peed-off because I was forced to do it. I felt terrible as I watched his blood drain into the mire, but my mood included awe when I saw an emaciated, green dragon wisp out and away from the corpse. Wow, I have to see Esgard for a talk., I thought to myself and began moving straight away. He waited for me at the high ground and was ready to listen, when I ended my story he asked, Do you see why you could not have your highest choice in that moment? No. Its not fair. By your act of self defence you freed one of the dragons that was being severely abused, is that a wrong thing? What a good question! I did something I loathed to do and found that half of the result was a positive, so was what I did wrong? On the one hand it was a despicable act and on the other it produced an excellent result. Just because I was beginning to understand what Esgard was getting at, didnt imply that I felt good with it. All this was a bit much for me so I said my goodbyes and headed back to my lounge chair.

97 Esgard made sure to inform me that I had used the sword effectively, but I was under my own perception of what could be classed as a good use. I knew that one of the swords characteristic uses was in discerning the truth, but was this truth only that I could not have all things the way I wanted? Hell, life in the world had already taught me that, so what else was there to see? A little thought entered my mind and said, Do you think this sword may also discern truth in action, is it not the flamingsword? Well yes, it is the flaming sword, Esgard. Small parts of the concept that the old man gave to me began to merge into my awareness and I realized that even though I may wield this sword now, I am not its master, only its handler. The knowledge entrusted in this lesson of the sword would take more time to filter down into me. Now it was time for more R&R and a few days break from the meditations again. So far things had gotten even weirder than before, from the normal world perspective, and although I was getting clearer about it I still needed the break. At least I knew when I needed to give it a rest, for my own sake. Spending time with friends always recharges my batteries and this time it helped me to relax enough for a wider picture to develop. This sword business was a little like the dragon stuff, they shared a common trait, immense responsibility. Great, just what I needed, more of that. Then again, I just might grow into it. Play-time was over, the bell had rung and it was back to lessons for me. This time I went straight to the cave entrance to find the white crocodile was back. Why are you here? To continue the work in my cave. What is your favourite colour? Blue. He left as speedily as before while I laughed to myself about the last question. It reminded me of a scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, when the knights wanted to cross the bridge of death. Yes, the thought was implanted in the writer, came the crocodiles voice, though it was nowhere

98 to be seen. Gilgar walked out of the cave and said, Come, we have much to do. He gave his biggest smile yet while pretending to open a door for me with a flourish. Gilgar, I asked, Why did the crocodile ask me what my favourite colour was? To see if you would answer with honesty, despite it sounding like a silly question. He got serious about our work and asked, Have you looked closely at the two golden icons? No, I hadnt got to that yet. They do interest me, Ive not seen things like them before, that I can recall. Go to the holster and connect please, he politely asked. Sure enough, there was something that could be described that way, and it had what resembled a model of a golden lightning-flash inside the holster. Not only did the mists swirl this time, I could swear we went through three things that appeared like grids, before coming to a halt outside a very interesting city. All their buildings were made from a crystallike matter and looked like a fairy tale or science fiction style city. One of the first things that came to my attention was this city had a protective dome-shield around it. Then I saw why. Dinosaurs roamed the areas outside the city. I have no idea what era this was taking place in. The next thing I learned was that this culture had spread over the Earth and they had outposts on nearby planets as well. Please put the holster on now, Gilgars voice came over my shoulder. When I did it, I could feel my body changing as my chest became longer and more cylindrical, arms and legs elongated until I stood a good three metres tall. In an instant I remembered that we had the ability to create anything at will, to travel vast distances through space by altering our structure and recombining at our destination. Look closely at the city before you. These people were in trouble, some of them were killing the huge beasts for sport and cooking the meat just because they could. That made no sense to me for a race with these abilities. People began to quarrel in the streets, which was unprecedented in the history of this culture. Further along I saw

99 larger bands of people warring amongst themselves, this eventually led to the destruction of the cities and ultimately the whole civilisation. From my vantage point I watched the marvellous buildings crumble and fall, signifying the end. I felt the tug to return and joined Gilgar and Esgard in the cave, where they wasted no time in asking what I understood about this. We had the ability to create and through our own greeds, we destroyed ourselves and lost the gift. Esgard informed me, Very good, you are doing well. The human race on Earth is about to move up a step. And it is at this threshold that the gift will be made available again. You must tell others so they can understand what happened last time, in the hope that they will not do the same. More responsibility? Yes, you chose this and you must know that you did not do so lightly. Continuing, he said, These are the things you intended for this life and you know that you are strong enough. Giving each of them a hug first, I left the cave to go home. Elation and disappointment coursed through me, I didnt want more responsibility in my life, which was why I chose mediocrity as a path when I was eighteen. I really wanted to go forward into my tasks here but not at what I thought was too high a cost, which sounds absolutely ridiculous now. What to do? I know, Ill take more time out from the meditations and see how things go for a while. So I did just that for a few months, despite the growing urges from my inner self and the other helpers. And I really enjoyed the time not taking anything too seriously although I noticed that I wasnt feeling so strong or happy as I do when regularly meditating. Jayne called in for a visit one day and gave me a collectors plate with a picture of a Native american on horseback. The psychic Sante had mentioned just such an entity to me and explained that he was helping by leaving small clues for me to find. I looked at Jayne and asked her how she knew it was for me, she replied, I was told by my guides to give it to

100 you and you would understand. Later that evening I asked guidance how I could contact this entity and was answered with, Go to the high ground and you will meet him there. So it was back to meditation again, but I hoped it would follow a different tack for a little while. At the high ground I found an old fire circle made of rocks and sat down to see what would happen. To my surprise, a pure white horse came trotting over, although there was no rider with it. I felt that it was much more than a horse and suddenly it dawned on me that this was like Epona from early legends in Britain. She nuzzled me and we shared Big Love while I asked for her name, she replied, You know me as Arane (A-rar-nee), I am the Mother Spirit some call Gaia. We are here to help you in this time, we support you. At that moment, a Nativeamerican walked over the crest to join us. This new visitor wore the clothes of a Plains Indian and hailed me in the traditional way before sitting at the rock circle and lighting a fire. He introduced himself in his native language, which translated in me as Great Oak. Once we were all present at the fire, I asked him what he was here for and why he was important to me. He replied, I have come to help you. This is an agreement we both made before your incarnation on the Earth world. I asked, How long will we be together? Until my task with you is complete. Will we meet again after that? Only when you have completed this current life, for now, I will leave small things for you to find. You will work them out and continue onward in the journey. Okay, so where to from here, my friend? He leaned to one side and used his eyes to indicate a direction for me to look. Behind him a snow-capped mountain peak rose in the darkness until it dwarfed the place I had called the high ground. Wow! And I thought that this area was the highest place. Now the enormity of the task ahead came to my awareness, I had to work my way to the top of that incredibly high peak, and it looked like a long, hard climb to me. We smoked his pipe while talking about some specifics, then I

101 remembered to ask him an important question. Great Oak, did you leave the glowing Eagle feather for me to find, after asking for and then following the guidance? Yes brother, he smiled. Back at my lounge chair I was a much happier person after this meeting. I was now aware that there was support for me in the task here that was comforting. In fact, it was so comforting that I decided to cut short my intended long holiday from the meditations and get back into it the following night. The batteries were obviously recharged and I was feeling good about it again. Next day was a busy one with running around town to pay bills and get some shopping done, all the while I felt strong again, directed and ready for anything that might come in the nights meditation. The meditation began in the normal way with making my preparations to leave the worlds reality behind. Before the move out of body Esgard said to me, Let us do something different Mark. Please go deep into your body, as if you were the size of an atom. I thought this sounded like a great idea and I found it was very easy to do. Start the process in the base chakra. See how this energy point effects and controls the organs around it, and please notice the blockages you find. Next time, we can work on clearing them away. I did as he asked and was rewarded with an incredible journey through my own body, that worked its way from the base chakra all the way to the crown. Never before had I considered exactly how the chakras effect and operate the human body, or how distasteful blockages in the energy flow can look. So I was keen to come back the next night to clear away the dirty-looking blockages under Esgards guidance. Next nights meditation was far more intense than I had imagined it would be. The blockages were relatively easy to clear up with guidance, although the work was prolonged and mentally tiring. When finished, I returned to the pineal gland,

102 the area of the third-eye chakra and saw that there was a small tunnel-like object that turned toward the rear of my skull, and it too was filled with gunk. So I cleared it out and was amazed at just how clearly I could hear guidance again. I had found the Causal chakra where the voice of the divine speaks to us. This process showed clearly what you get when you dont treat your body as the vessel for the spirit that we really are. And once again, I did not know that this process was prelude and preparation to something else. Processing had left me feeling drained and so I chose to rest for two nights before continuing on with the work. On the second night, as I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom, I felt the presence of an entity close to me. I slowly turned and in my peripheral vision I saw a large, black blob-shape, less than one metre away from me. As soon as I tried to look straight at it, I could no longer see it, so I closed my eyes in order to see it with spirit-eyes. Thats when things got crazy. It spoke to me, clearly and threateningly, You can not defeat me, I am too strong for you. Fear rose up while I thought to myself, Holy shit, whats happening? Sensing that it was feeding off this fear energy, I got my responses under control, and approached it. I opened my eyes to show that I would not be afraid even if I did see it, and spoke out loud, I am not here to defeat anyone or anything. I am here to accomplish my tasks and to share Love. I mean you no harm. Then I walked over and put my arms around it, which let me know that it was real because I could feel it, and poured Loving energy into it. Guess what happened next? The thing simply softened and left, this was when I learned the most important key. Big Love is more powerful than anything else that exists in the cosmos, nothing can overcome the pure energy of it. But, it can only be this effective if you are not coming from fear, otherwise it is not Big Love in its purest form. See the catch 22, the duality and purpose in it? Isnt it truly awesome?

103 For the next meditation I went to the high ground to see Arane and Great Oak for a quick chat and was told, Come prepared to this place with what you have earned. Go now to your cave. On the way down the ridge path that leads to my cave, I noticed that I was wearing different clothes and jewellery. I stopped to get a better look and found that I was wearing a robe and cloak of dark purplish-blue, the two wrist bracelets and my ancient ring. This was a little strange, as I really could not see the relevance of the clothes, but thats how it was and so I continued on to the cave. At the entrance was the shiny crocodile again, only this time he did not stand in the way or ask any questions. So I decided to stop and talk with him. Who are you and why are you here? I asked it. He morphed out of the crocodile shape and grew to a human-like figure that stood around two or three metres tall. I am Absalom. I am here to give assistance when necessary and to ensure that those who are not suitable do not gain entry to your cave. I wondered why this cave would be important to anyone else or why they would want to come here. He gave me a concept that was large enough for me not to be able to comprehend in the moment, but I understood that few would find this place exactly as I find it. Esgard, Gilgar and Tayesin were already waiting inside and so I sat with them for a short while before noticing that a new icon was in place. But, this wasnt a carved icon like the rest, it was a large, perfectly formed slab with one tiny blemish in its exact centre. Strangely, I didnt think anything more about it. The guides and I simply sat and revelled in each others company, shared some memories from our past existences and then I decided to go outside for a play with flying. As I flew along the arms that radiate out from the high ground, I found some other caves that looked almost identical in outside appearance to mine and something else that was very interesting. It was the largest and purest quartz crystal that I had ever seen, and inside it was someone buzzing around doing their

104 own thing. Thats cool, I thought and went up to look in. I noticed the person in there was under instruction from someone and so I headed home to my comfy chair. Just before opening my eyes I asked Esgard, What was the significance of the giant crystal? It is for learning. You will go there to use it in crystal-consciousness meditations some day. During the next week I went to the cave most nights to look at icons and talk to whoever was there, and to play. Suffice to say that I wasnt putting myself to the grindstone. This waned off over the next two weeks while I concentrated more on the things of the real world. Until the day I was sitting on the toilet thinking about nothing in particular. Just before reaching for the first sheet on the toilet roll Esgard came into my mind saying, Tonight is the night for it Mark. The night for what? No answer, only a deeper than deep feeling that this nights meditation would be very testing and if it went well, I would be doing fine. I did not let myself think too much about the feeling that came, instead I tried to relax and cruise through the rest of the day. Nor did I spend a lot of time asking the what if it doesnt go well question.

105

Kundalini.
Something sleeps inside us The sleeper must awaken.
Frank Herbert, Dune.

As I put my daughter to bed I was beginning to get a little more concerned about tonights the night. The feeling had intensified since early evening and I was most definitely reaching something I feared. Intuitively I knew that this was make or break time for me, whether I went back to mediocrity or moved on, depended on this one meditation. Just the thought of not making it was scarier than any thoughts of success. My daughter fell asleep without any of the usual dramas and I was quickly free to prepare for the meditation. I took particular care to ensure all the chakras were clear and clean before taking the next step. Soon I was flying over the high ground and circling down to the cave entrance where Absalom was standing outside doing what he said he would and so I stopped to talk a little with him. He was wearing an unusual headdress consisting of a band that held three upright horns, which made him appear powerful and fearless. He invited me to enter the cave and offered, Do well. Esgard, Tayesin and Gilgar were standing just inside the cave, waiting for me. At the time I wasnt sure why, but I felt different and seemed to know what needed to be done in preparing the site. I walked over to a bright spot on the cave floor and slipped down to where Big Red was asleep, before coming back up and clearing an opening to the cave. It was here that I asked the three others to sit guard for me, in case I needed to escape and seek their help. Next I went to the cave entrance to be sure Absalom was still there, which he was. All the while I was chattering away to the others before realising that they were silent. Hey,

106 you guys, why arent you saying anything? Whats up? Esgard looked at me with a straight expression and explained, This is your task, It is up to you now. Down to the Dragon again and this time I found a long staff lying near him. So I decided to pick it up and bang on the rock floor three times while saying, Wake up my friend. I am here now, it is time, let us begin. He opened that one big eye again and studied me for a moment before leaping up to stand at his full height. I thought to myself, Shit, look at the size of him! He leered and lurched forward until I said the words, You will not consume me, my friend. For I am the one who is here to do this and I will succeed. Three more bangs with the staff brought him to a halt and then I turned my back to him, ready for the wildest experience in this life. He stepped into me and I felt a familiar feeling of strength, a swift growth in height, weight and immense power that flooded through me in a flash of red light. Now I banged the staff a further three times and as one, we spiralled upward through the red and into an orange glow. At each stop we turned three times, banged the staff three times and I noticed that the red light was still wrapped around us, it had flowed upward with us on our spiral journey through the related chakra levels. The kundalini energy was being steadily raised to higher and higher levels within the physical body during this adventure. This is where the experience became incredibly interesting and harder to describe. Red light flooded the third eye chakra and was quickly joined by an intense white light that opened me up from the inside. I felt a transitioning, some type of movement was happening. This had the feeling of being spread apart, as if every particle of my being was separating to fill the cosmos. When it settled, I was aware of all the universe. It pulsed through me and I through it as if we were one thing. At this point I decided to test the validity of this experience by feeling-out worlds that supported life. I knew them all, every little detail, every piece of

107 information was part of me. Before I could formulate a question, I already knew the answer in complete and utter totality. The clarity was so much more than I could explain to you, I was in oneness and words do no justice to it. Now I knew without doubt that at the time we re-integrate with the creative awareness, we will not lose our unique portion of the total awareness. We will simply be all that there is, in a fusion of our individual awarenesss. For some time I marvelled and enjoyed this experience, before I could feel me coalescing into me again. Now I stood at the high ground in a blaze of light, feeling power surging through every part of me and radiating into the cosmos. From somewhere inside and all around, I heard these words, Know that what you have done has sent a wave through the Universe. No-one had appeared to say the words, yet I know that it came from the creative awareness that we refer to as God. This was a most amazing turn of events, as far as I had previously known, God had never talked so directly and firmly to me in this life. And here is another very interesting thing about that, when It communicated this direct way, I was enveloped in the strongest Loving feeling that I had ever experienced. This is what I refer to when I say Big Love. My attention was drawn up to look into the sky and there I saw a huge circle of lights and three alien ships forming a triangle shape within it. Inside I knew that each light in the circle was another soul or entity and so I went up to join them. Making my way around the circle, I stopped from time to time in order to communicate with some of the entities. In doing so I learned that I was seeing the wealth of support that I do have for my life here. Exploring the three ships became my next move. At the first, I simply went into it and jokingly thought to myself, Permission to come aboard Captain? Didnt I get a surprise when I came face to face with the captain. He was unlike any visitor that I recall seeing before and yet there was something very familiar about their unusual appearance. From his friendly response I learned that they knew me.

108 Now I knew something else, I understood what Jesus meant when he talked about knowing yourself and then becoming known, as I was experiencing this first hand. My excitement was growing and so I entered their drive unit to see what I could learn about it. As I was admiring some sort of large purple crystal type thingy within the power plant the captain said to me, It is not safe for you to be exposed in there. I got out of there fast. But this didnt stop me from investigating the other two ships, and this time I asked for permission before entering them. I wont go into detail here of the conversations with each group, suffice to say that each ship came from different races, although two races did show similar initial genetic heritage. One that had many eons to effect the changes I was seeing, this allowed me to get a firmer grasp on how some things would indicate such long time-frames. After all of this excitement I decided to go to the cave and see where the guides were. Gilgar smiled as I entered the cave and hugged me before he had to leave. Esgard and Tayesin were sitting in the centre waiting for me with the most radiant smiles. I searched their eyes and saw only one thing, it was myself that was reflected there. We hugged and I knew for certain that Esgard was my higher-self. Tayesin merged with Esgard, then I merged with him, becoming the total being. I heard these words ring out in the silence, Two become one. And then I was alone in the cave and yet not alone. From here I decided to go up to the high ground to speak with Great Oak and Arane, who were sitting around the fire singing. Great Oak was wearing pure white clothing, which I found very interesting. Great Oak, why are you dressed as if you are at a special occasion? He stood to greet me and answered, This is a very special occasion my brother. Then he reached down to the fire for a small stick to light his pipe, which told me his words were true. I would usually light the pipe for him as a mark of respect, but tonight he

109 lit it and passed it to me in ceremonial fashion. I thanked him dearly for his gift. We sat around the fire for some time sharing the silence, the light and good company. All too soon the evening came to its conclusion and I needed to return to my body after being absent for over three hours. Back in the real world I discovered something that few people could truly know. Although I had just done one of the most incredible things possible, and was knowingly changed because of it, the world of mankind had not changed even the tiniest bit. And this realisation was the beginning of the hardest part of my life here. The next morning I decided to mow the grass, which had me apologising for the terrifying ordeal that I was inflicting upon it. I kept reminding it about how beautiful it would look when I was finished. You may think that this was the act of an in-sane man, and you may have been correct, although you could not know what it was like to feel the grasss pain. Later that day I was enjoying a coffee and cigarette in the shade of an awning out the front of where I was living, and found my attention taken by a young girl aged about ten years. As she passed by, I got a horrific insight into her life, from physical and sexual abuse to her morbid thoughts of being worth-less. Her pain was immense and it flowed into me like a river at full force. Fortunately I let it go back to the Universe so that neither of us carried it any further. By late afternoon my daughter and I were gardening, when the young tough men next door began playing Gangsta Rap at high volume. I sent my little girl inside so that she would not have to hear the language in the lyrics. Then I decided that it was not acceptable, so I went over to ask them to turn it down. They were having a good time and I explained as best I could that it wasnt suitable for young ears and would they please turn it down to a decent level. At first, they did turn it down and so I thanked them before heading home. They thought it was hilarious to turn it up as loud as

110 possible the moment I reached my yard. If I ever thought that I had felt the power in anger before this, I was far from right. The Dragon within me rose up and spread its wings, forcing me back to the neighbours while I fought hard to gain control of the energy. I spoke to the leader of these men with a measured force that I could see go through him, as the power was at its strongest level and coursed through me like lightning. He withered away in front of me, breaking eye contact immediately. His friends quietly left him at the same moment he turned the music off. Two hours later he came to apologise and ask if he could play some music, quietly. Now it was time for me to feel awful, so I explained that I did not want to stop them at all, only that they should show the same respect for me as a neighbour that I had always shown them. He was happy with this and headed off to his home to play music again. Poor boy, Big Red had scared the daylights right out of him, and me. So what do you think I learned from that first day of the rest of my life? That I would now have to learn how to control this power so that it did not destroy my life, so that the Dragon would not consume me! It was not going to be easy at all, every day would be a series of tests and I would need to learn control of it. Also, I learned that I had to understand how to use the unasked for insight gift so that it too would not over-power me. Both went hand in hand, both brought great responsibility with them. And I finally understood that Enlightenment was not like a trophy you would always have, you were not always enlightened from that moment on. It was something that was to be worked at, and with, in every moment so that it could be put to beneficial use. The last thing I learned from all of this was that I finally knew what my greatest fear was all about. I had been in positions of secular and spiritual power in a few previous incarnations and in at least two of them I had abused it for my own means. In one of those lives I had been responsible

111 for the deaths of thousands of innocent Egyptians, and even though I paid a penalty by way of my death, I had repeated the abuse of this power again. Now I was afraid that I might do the same thing this time and have to come back to do it all over again in even more difficult circumstances. What a tangled web we weave with cause and effect! I waited two more nights before going back to my cave, just to let things settle in me a bit. This time I had no expectations of anything, although I was a little concerned that Esgard wasnt there when I arrived. Just as I was about to go into a poor me routine, I remembered that he was with me, inside. It was a simple matter to reach in and bring him out so that I could see him face to face again. We sat on the caves floor and talked while waiting for Gilgar to join us, and he didnt make us wait for long. He waddled in and smiled his huge grin before sitting down to form a circle with us. Esgard began by pointing to the new stone block with the minor imperfection at the centre. I stood up and walked over to it for a clearer look and noticed that the imperfection was actually a small symbol that at first I thought must have been a quarry mark. Gilgar spoke first, Detach it and connect with it if you desire to know the details. I reached down to the mark and gently intended for it to come out of the block, which it did easily, and then connected with it. It didnt take me anywhere, not to any previous life or era, only to the present moment. I was about to question this when I felt the expansion again and was soon everywhere in the Universe for a second time, before hearing, It is a new Dragon sign for the age to come. You are a Dragon and this is your symbol. Quickly I was returned to the cave and Esgard asked if I understood. I only smiled and nodded, before putting the stone back together. At this moment I remembered some words that said, Who knows the meaning of the un-hewn dolmen? Gilgar and Esgard both gave me the really big smile that always indicated some form of realisation or event, while they walked over to me as I kneeled at the block.

112 Esgard said to me, You know what to do so do it. Firstly, I had a bout of the doubts before getting a grip on myself and remembering what to do. I then shaped the block with my hands, into a very specific form that I had seen during early meditations. The stone seemed to chip and shave away as I passed my hands over it and the debris fell to the floor for me to clean away when I was finished. Once completed, we returned to our sitting circle while I remembered that I had carved each Icon in the same manner. This settled for me any questions about how many incarnations I have had on Earth, and also let me see that the Human lives were only a drop in the eternal bucket of all existence. All of us are ancient, really ancient, and none are new souls, only new to this world of experience. Now I could see that we have been all types of life-forms in the universes, and had chosen to come to this system when it came online for experience. This knowledge allowed me to see that when we are finished here, we will go on to other existences in other places as we make our way back to the source. It also let me see that we were so much more than we had been indoctrinated into believing we were. We werent those little insignificant Souls that all the spiritual people talked about, we were Great Spirits in our own right. Only we had forgotten this important detail. The bigger picture just keeps getting bigger. From that moment on, Esgard is within me and I am within him. We are one and the same, even though I can have my awareness focused on worldly things while the high-self that is Esgard is active in many other realms at the same time. Tayesin is also an active portion of the higher-self (Soul) and does assist others when the need is there. I was then able to experiment far beyond the astral planes, regularly venturing in what I called the Soul Level Awareness of higher-self and even further to layers that I have never heard or read about, nor has anyone else so much as mentioned anything about such awareness levels. The next

113 awareness layers above the Soul level are what I now refer to as the Oversoul levels. At writing, those further realms are easily reached but much more difficult to comprehend.

114

Wider Horizons.
We priests must live in two worlds, the world of form and the otherworld of force, for true enlightenment lies balanced between them. Let our goal therefore be: To live and thrive amid form and force, being in the world but not of it.
- St. Cornneille , The Yellow Book of Ferns.

For a number of months I continued going to the cave on an almost nightly basis and because there were so many more experiences, I will only share with you a few of the most interesting. While early in this phase, I was sitting in the light at the high ground and noticed an energetic feeling approaching. A reddish, rugged glow of energy could be seen in the darkness outside. I called it to come in, it did. An alien figure around 7 feet in height and coloured a purple/black, came into the light and sat near me. He looked into my eyes and thought to me, I have come to tell you that my race will be in force on your world soon. Not all of my kind will choose to do what you call the evil things, there is good and bad in all things my friend. Some of us will work with you, as a resistance. Do not be fooled into thinking that you cannot harm us, you have the ability. You will know by the eyes when one of my race are on your world, some already are. You must tell others, be very careful who you tell, it is a dangerous time. OK! I sat motionless for what must have been ages, mulling over his words. As I watched him I became curious about his features and asked if I could check him out. He freely offered his consent. His skin was tough, a little scale-like, but not rough. Their arms, legs and torso are longer than ours, with muscles like a well trained athlete. Eyes were a reddish colour, very hard to describe, and set in a hairless face that looked like a series of small shells arranged in order to form slit-

115 like nasal holes and thin hard lips. Very unusual. I was getting the sense from him that theyre almost reptilian in a way. He showed me his hands which were huge. Very long, wide fingers ended in nails very much like dog claws. This continued for minutes as I took in every detail of his body, much more than I wish to say here. I asked him for his name, he replied with a guttural series of clicks, whistles and pops, which is an odd sound to the ear. As he finished, a word filtered into my consciousness, his name. In all fairness to him I cant tell you what it was. He asked me not to use it, so I wont. When I was finished he gave me a feeling of friendship and floated upwards into the air, which let me see that he was attached to a cord. And yes, it was a Silvery colour, confirming that he was Astral-ing from where-ever his body was. First thing I needed to do was to see if I could get more answers from the Creative Awareness about this dark visitor. I questioned and the answer came, Know Mark, this one asked for contact to give the message. Do not see him as an alien to be feared, he is a brother. You both chose this work before incarnating, in is time. Wow, what an answer. Alright, this was sounding just a bit too far out for me. A feeling began stirring up inside me, it was quite unpleasant and when it came fully into my mind, I knew another race helped me as a new born with Cystic Fibrosis. I clearly remembered lying on a see-through section of floor inside the ship while looking down on the roof of the hospital I was born in. The line I followed from there showed me they had been with me all of my life. And, my biggest human fear was of up front contact in the world. It was much easier for me to accept aliens here in the spirits realms, but Id freak if one called into my home! I asked the Creative Awareness (C.A) to give me a real contact so I could have the fear and get over it. C.A said, Remember Mark, you have asked for this. Oh no, what have I done this time?

116 Weeks passed, the journeys decreased and life in the world needed more attention from me. Roma asked me to help find out what the cause of a friends Stroke had been. We went to lunch at the persons home and while he was busy we scanned him with our attention, to find that in the lower back area of his brain there was something foreign. Later that afternoon, we agreed to journey to his house at night when he was asleep and see what we could do about it. Roma and I went to work at 9:00 that night. It was easy to journey there and go inside his head to the area in question. What I saw when looking deeply into it was a greyish mass wrapped around an object that was powered by the environment and had malfunctioned due to this man having become severely dehydrated at one time. I was stimulating the area with energy while Roma was doing something that I could not see, yet I saw the results. This confirmed that both of us were there doing the work. The next day we talked on the phone and Roma asked me if I would go and speak to the beings responsible for this implant. So that night I prepared myself and wondered how I could find the group I needed to ask. Once on my way, I discovered something, we must know where everything is because I simply went to where I needed to be. Upon arrival I learned that a small group of three different races was expecting me at a meeting place. They seemed to answer my questions in a way that was frustrating to me, as if we did not share many basic concepts, although they did answer with technical data that was simplified for me. Then one said, He arranged this with us, he is supplying valuable information for this unique study. I was still taking that in when they moved aside and let me see that another being was present. It was the big guy, not god, well I hope not, otherwise all the Christians are going to be very disappointed. Someone or something very much like Jabba the Hutt was in charge of this place, and although he seemed wise and benevolent he did not come across as the biggest big

117 guy. He said to me, Your request has been approved; it is up to you now to do your part. About one month later I saw a visitor ship while at a friends place and reaching out to touch them with concentrated attention caused the craft to make avoiding manoeuvres much to my playful delight. That night a very bright light woke me as I slept on my friends sofa. Opening my eyes, I sat up to lean on my elbow so I could get a better look at the visitors that where entering the room. A contingent of small greys was filing into the childrens bedrooms and more headed to where the other adults were sleeping. One tall, pale grey, Grey glided over to me from his position near the lights source. He spoke, Is that okay Mark? You can go back to sleep now. Okay, was all I said while relaxing back into the sofa for more sleep. As I did so, I knew that this alien and I had been acquaintances since my birth. In the morning no-one was aware of any dreams or occurrences, they all slept soundly, even the three year old who usually wakes up fairly consistently through the night. I felt a little short changed, as this is what I asked for but it came in a way I hadnt expected. A concept came to my mind, the full contact I had asked for would not come if I didnt get healthy, strong in spirit, clear in direction and prepared to do what it is required. By this time I was used to referring to my previous dark coloured alien visitor as one of the dark ones, and him in particular as an emissary. While he was giving me his message, he also gave me a concept about his race that took a fair while to sink in. It was that his race are consumers of energy, and therefore, consumers of all things. Since we already know that all things are made up of energy, this makes perfect sense. At the next UFO and Paranormal Research groups meeting, I felt something out of place and looked straight at Roma, she was feeling it too, so I checked the room to see what it was. Only one other person was feeling it. In the middle of the room sat an old man and it was this old man who was causing

118 the feeling. Immediately I looked back to Roma and an unspoken communication passed between us. So at least we both knew where the problem was coming from. Halfway through the meetings we stop for a coffee break and those of us who smoke go outside to indulge. As I walked out the door, I overheard Roma saying to the other person who had picked it up, ..so you werent imagining it then. I said, Cool, so none of us imagined it. They both turned to look at me and at that moment I saw another look of concern on Romas face and felt someone behind me. It was the old man. So I turned and stood with the other two while this man approached and started telling us a joke. This was an opportunity to observe him at close range. The first thing I noticed was that his body was elongated in the same way that the emissaries was, the skin on his neck was soft and firm like a babies, his ears were lower than us humans and he forced himself to dribble as he talked. I saw his tongue pushing saliva up and over his teeth so he could appear as a doddering old dribbler. But, he forgot to stoop, walk and talk like an old man! As soon as he finished telling his joke, he walked back inside, leaving us to think about what we had just witnessed. An inspiration came to me then and I said to Roma, When we go back in to start the second half, you get his attention and I will come in last so that I have to walk in front of him and apologize. That will give me an opportunity to check his eyes. Roma agreed on this course and we finished our cigarettes. I waited a few more minutes and entered the room, made my way past him and apologized, he looked into my eyes and I saw that his seemed different somehow. So I sat down in my seat and thought to Roma, Come on sweetie, get his attention back again. She responded quickly and asked him if he had any UFO related experiences that he would like to share. While he answered her, I took the opportunity to see if I could find anything out from his energy field. Just as I saw the jagged energy emanating from the top of his head, I felt something

119 touch up against me, like a silken material caressing my skin. At that precise moment he quickly turned his head and glared at me. Shit, hes on to me, I thought, and stopped what I was doing. This really concerned me as I had no idea what to do now that he knew we understood he was not a human. More importantly, he was aware of our lack of trust in him. We continued on with the meeting, all the while acting as if nothing further was amiss, which was very difficult under the circumstances. At the end of the meeting he stood up and walked out the door. Shane, the other person who had picked up on what had happened, said to me, Im going to follow him out the door and watch him. With that he hurriedly left the room and walked down the ramp to a paved area that turned left, to continue on to the entrance gate. Within minutes Shane was back saying, Youre not going to believe this. I was only ten feet behind him as he turned the corner at the bottom of the ramp. So I walked faster to see where he would go when he got out the gate. Well, he was already gone. I checked up and down the street and looked at the cars, but he was gone. He disappeared completely. Of course we were stunned, unsure of what to make of this even though it seemed to fit in with what we had discovered about the visitor. I decided that I would research further in the vast array of UFO literature to see if there have been other contacts with this race. So it should come as no surprise that there are records of modern interactions with this particular species, both in their natural form and in the humanised form. Some of the reports referred to the differences in the eyes of the humanised ones, as being with little white showing and a starburst type of pupil. Well Ill be a monkeys uncle, that was what I saw in our visitor to the groups meeting. So now I was getting further confirmation of my conversation with the emissary, and I knew then that he was being honest with me about the fact that some of his race really are here. We decided that this old man was probably at the meeting to see what we knew about them. At least that appeased our inner

120 turmoil a little, in a very strange way. During the next journey to my cave, I was met by some well wishers who advised me to be careful about passing on this knowledge and to ensure that I checked the eyes of anyone that I would tell. To date, I have not told many people. And that is not because I found more of the humanised forms here, it was simply that I did not know how to share this information and still be seen as a sane person! Some time later, the group was given a video to watch that was quite disturbing in many ways. It was concerned with the research of David Icke into the One World Order scenario, and included a lengthy interview with a woman who called herself Arizona Wilder. Roma viewed the video first and phoned me to talk about her concerns relating to the information presented and how it could have detrimental effects on some of the other group members. We both agreed that I would also see the video and after which, we would discuss whether it was suitable for the group. I had no problems with David Ickes information, it was well researched and presented in a way that all people could understand. And, what he spoke about resonated truthfully within me. The interview with Arizona was very interesting, thought provoking and I did see in her eyes that she believed what she was saying. The trick was in working out how much of her story was fact and how much was brainwashed dis-information. We already know that dis-information is usually based around a thread of truth. So the hard part was discerning what was truth. What she had to say about the dark ones being the leaders of the one world order also resonated truthfully within me, but, the remainder of her story is something that I choose not to make a judgement upon. I can not say how much of it was truth, only that some of it confirmed what the emissary had told me.

121 Around this time I was getting a lot of visions and communications from spirit that were very definite and precise in their nature. The impetus behind this was to know what part I must play in the coming events for the world. Counselling people, so I was told, would be some of my work here and so I avoided doing that as much as possible. It was not a role that I would choose if I had any say in the matter. So in this frame of mind, I sat down one night to prepare for another journey to my cave, only to be disturbed before getting going. Suddenly a whole movie was playing out in front of me. It showed my daughter and me arriving at a place on a hillside, with enough daylight left to pitch two tents and prepare some food. Then it moved into the next day where I was building small platforms to sit the tents on so that an influx of animals could not gain entry so easily. I wondered why this would be so, but the movie continued on, showing me building a wattle and daub tepee under the branches of a large tree. Again I wondered why I would be doing this, and no answers came. As the movie progressed I saw that the tepee was a place for us to live while other people arrived in droves to join us. The movie continued, showing that many people would come to this place. Together we would build a village. Now I was confused, what was this place? The word Sanctuary sprang to mind, reminding me that as a young adult I had dreamed of building a stone and timber place to live. A place where people could come for have time out from the chaos of the modern, western lifestyle. It too was called Sanctuary. During this movie, I saw a group of us walking down the side of the hill in search of usable materials. But, I was not ready for what I saw next. We moved out of the tree cover and stood at the edge of what looked like a huge lake or sea, only with one very important difference. In front of us was a debris line consisting of all man made objects smashed up against the side of the hill. I could really smell something foul, so I looked around in the movie and found bloated dead bodies floating amongst the debris. Then I remembered in the movie that most of the east coast had been wiped out by tsunamis, and

122 that easily explained what I was seeing. This also explained the influx of animals and people to the area. We had finished salvaging anything usable and returned to the task of building simple dwellings for the crowd of survivors. In that time I saw myself counselling people who had their entire belief systems ravaged by what they had seen prior to and during the Upheavals. Our world had also been openly visited by the dark ones and most people could not handle the reality. I saw that those of us who were doing the counselling would only have one short opportunity to help each individual as there were so many that needed the help. This made me wonder at where the techniques for such quick and effective processes would come from. The hardest years would be in surviving the raids by other groups for food and women, it was here I learned that we would also live through a time of avoiding the dark ones while they went about hunting down survivors. The years continued to roll by and in this movie I saw myself getting older, living the life of a shaman, and fulfilling the role of village elder, healer and protective force. It was very much like ancient times but with a modern flavour to it. The last part of the movie showed me sitting cross legged inside a building under the ground performing powerful rites at the age of eighty years, and also doing the same kinds of things while standing in a circle of trees that formed a particular pattern when viewed from above. Then the movie ended. I jumped up from my chair and went outside for a smoke and a think. While the cigarette disappeared I asked the Creative Awareness about what I had just seen and was answered with more visions. So I asked where this place was, the answer came in an unusual manner. What I took to be a crow flew over my head and called out three times before crossing the road to a nest that I had never seen before. The words Crows Nest came to my mind, so I immediately thought that this must be the town to the south of here with the same name. I asked, How will we get

123 there? This question was answered with a vision of an old Ford F100. I thought out loud, What the f..k do I want with a four wheel drive? Immediately I was shown the same vehicle bouncing along over rough terrain, loaded high with fuel drums, tools, and anything else that would make survival easier. The next day dawned sunny and bright so I went outside with my morning coffee to enjoy it. An old F100 with off road wheels, low slung LPG tank and Ford painted in blue across the tailgate, slowly rumbled past my place and turned around before coming past again. Would you believe that it looked the same as the one I had been shown, so I took that as another affirmation. Although my fear and trepidation at the thought of the coming events really took hold at the same moment, this was going to be real events in the real world. Over the next few months I had hundreds of lucid dreams about the events that lead up to this point. Most were very scary, but showed that survival was part of the overall plan. And, it also showed me that what we will live through for a time, is not too far from a Mad Max 2 scenario. Some groups will be trying to do it right and a large percentage of others who will choose to steal what they can to survive. The latter group was a major force that will kill in order to have more for themselves. This brought an interesting question to mind and so I asked the C.A for an answer to how we should deal with them. It said, Do not respond with force for that is the way to certain death for all in the village. You must lovingly share what you can. Within days, Lee asked me if I would like to come to a pot-luck lunch at our towns Community Centreplace, it sounded like a great idea, so along I went. The lunch was absolutely yummy and as usual after a meal, I went outside for a smoke. Sitting on the top step in the warm sunshine was lovely, and I soaked up as much as possible while it relaxed me into a

124 nice fuzzy feeling. I looked out across the valley to the foothills and admired the view, which suddenly changed. What I was seeing was the valley full with water and the same debris line along the hills, so I rubbed my eyes to check if it was a real scene or a memory from my previous visions and dreams. It was still there, then it changed just a little so that what I could see was now standing water with no more debris line, and people were fishing from makeshift boats. This was an interesting development so I asked the C.A how this could be so. All I got as an answer was this, A forty metre subsidence will occur. And along with this reply came another vision of the east coast during a massive earthquake that caused the very ancient fault lines to shift and subside in a domino effect. That was enough for me; I went back inside to enjoy some dessert and to forget what I was shown this time. But I was not allowed to forget, as that night I had a phone call from Jayne telling me about a dream she had the previous night. Her dream was of the Great Barrier Reef subsiding into the ocean during a huge earthquake. Ok, so this too was another confirmation of the probability of what I was shown in the visions. Every time I drove down to the coast for a shopping expedition, I was seeing us driving along a road under thirty to forty metres of water, and I can tell you, that was a very weird feeling. It was two years before I could be free from this unusual phenomena and simply enjoy the drive down without feeling like we were fish. So I tried not to go on these shopping trips to save me feeling uncomfortable with the sensations. Another set of visions began manifesting during this time and they were even more disturbing than the last. Sitting at a park in town while the children played happily, I looked to the east for no apparent reason and saw a group of three alien ships come in from the coast and hover over the town. They were very distinctive looking ships, having a thick cross section on what was a disc shaped object. Each one was about thirty metres

125 across and still dripped sea water as if they had just come up from the ocean, and, were also partially covered in silts or soils from being under the sea bed. This gave them the appearance of a wet, ruddy-brown type of colour. I had to wait until I was home before phoning Mark to tell him what I had just seen. He was not surprised because he had seen similar kinds of things four years earlier during his own visions. We spent many hours that night at my place running through all that we had seen and piecing together a cohesive scenario that fitted beautifully with what we were shown. The scenario goes something like this.. at some time in the near future, earthquake activity would increase around the globe to a point where massive earthquakes would be occurring close enough to the surface to create the various effects that we had seen. The visitors would make themselves known to all the peoples of the earth, sometime around the foreseen earth events. We both felt that these visitors would come and do the, We are here to help you, thing. Their real intent is more likely the complete opposite. But, to what degree they would create or scavenge from the upheavals was a complete unknown. With further work we could see that if this scenario was to play itself out in the real world, it could make sense of why we both felt that a time would come when we had to hide from the dark ones. The pieces began to fit together more easily and with greater speed that we could have imagined. This left us with two opposing feelings. One was concern for the worlds population and what they would experience from these events, while the second was a growing awareness and excitement at knowing that our tasks would truly begin in those times. Doesnt that last line sound truly insane? I got over my fear and began to tell people about these things, qualifying my remarks by saying to them, Well, if this stuff doesnt happen, then it only means that I am crazy. And, I can live with that. Now we were left with observing what was happening in the fields of Seismology and

126 Ufology to see if certain trends were occurring that may lead up to what we had seen. The Ufology research was the easiest because we were already members of an organization that had its fingers on this pulse. We found and heard of many local reports from fishermen, holiday makers, and local coastal residents who were seeing large ships coming in and out of the water in the same way that we had seen in our visions. So it appeared that on this one level, reality was confirming our precognitive sight. This served to heighten our previous feelings of concern and excitement, while reducing any worry we had of being crazy. It would be at least another year or two before I found the means to observe the worlds seismic activity. Most of the journeys to the cave and other places continued on with the theme of remembering who or what I was. The whole time it was peppered with more and more realizations, visions and dreams. On one particular journey I was doing further investigations around the arms of the high ground and stumbled across a large group of beings who had a teenage girl tied up to a post. What I felt from this was that they were performing a ritual to enable them to use this girl for their own means and I could not stand by idly and let it happen, as it was very obviously not of the girls choosing. So I intervened and freed the girl, who seemed to be in a trance like state, which took some time to clear from her. She told me that they had been preparing her from childhood for something that we would refer to as an evil thing. I took the time to explain to her that she need not be afraid of them and that from now on she could choose for herself what she did. From there I led her home to her new found sense of freedom and personal power. Little did I think that I may have made some enemies from these actions. While preparing for a journey on the next night, I had just finished putting a protective barrier around my body when a being came and opened it up as easily as a hot knife through butter. He peered in and smirked at me in a way that was a little

127 frightening. That was enough, I got up and went outside to think and smoke again. Creative Awareness told me It had shown me that I was not yet ready to handle a being with that much power, although a time would come when I would. It was a timely reminder for me that we live in a Universe with many beings who choose to use the light for darker purposes. Wasnt that nice of him to do that for me, even if it had scared me somewhat? Much later that same night, Jayne phoned me to say that she had been asleep and dreaming. A being had come to her in the dream and his dark feeling had forced her to wake up. When she did wake and sit up, she saw a shadow on her curtains that matched the being she saw in the dream. This being was standing outside her bedroom window, which indicates that it was powerful enough to go wherever it wanted and also project in to Jaynes dream. Guess what? It was the same being that had come to interrupt my meditation. He was in male form, with a pockmarked face, dark clothing and a wide brimmed hat. Some beings go to great lengths in their choice of how they manifest. We ended up talking about this and other things for a few hours before we came to the conclusion that we were being checked out by the other side. And this may have been because we were directly working with the light to prepare for our tasks. The eternal struggle between the forces of light and dark had now included us into the battle. Perhaps all our lives we had already been involved, having only become truly aware of it through our choices of Self realization and empowerment. Our tools for defence consisted mainly of awareness, hopeful clarity and the big gun of Loving energy. It doesnt sound like much of an arsenal to go into battle with does it? And so it began to look as if another vertical learning curve was on the menu. It was now 1999, the sky Signs had come and gone without any effects in the world. Most people let it be forgotten and continued on with their normal lives. A friend showed me a very simple little desktop published book called The Native American

128 Prophecies which had an interesting quote from the Hopi tribe about the sky-signs and what would or would not happen. In essence, it said that the signs would come, serving as markers of where we were in the big cycle and that nothing would occur. The prophecies for the time would not come and people would get disillusioned because of this. Then everyone would go back to living their lives and forgetting the prophecies. After we had all forgotten, the events would come. This was worth taking particular notice of, to see if that is what would happen. And so began another phase of observation. Lee also lent me a series of books called Conversations with God, that highlighted the ability we all had to communicate directly with the Source, or Creative Awareness. I was so impressed with what I read that I decided one day to test it and see for myself if it really worked. So I relaxed myself, cleared my chakras and payed extra attention to the Causal to ensure that I would clearly hear something, if something was going to talk with me. At first, I simply wrote, Hello my good friend, please take this opportunity to communicate with me. Within seconds I had the faintest feeling of words coming into my mind, words that were not mine, not generated by me. With that first faint onset I began to write the words that came, and with it came the warming big love feeling. This helped me to know what the source of the contact was. Over the remainder of that year I had these written communications on a daily basis, I tried and tested, tested and tried, always checking to see if there was something fallible about it. The only thing I found fallible was when I generated the words. When I did this I never did feel the big love, yet when Creative awareness spoke to me I always felt it. So that was how I learned to distinguish between my own input, Creative Awarenesss and other entities who may have tried to add their bit. This didnt stop me from testing it as much as possible though and in one very memorable written

129 conversation I was asking some questions in a very round about way, trying not to give out certain information. But Creative awareness tripped me up, not only did I get the big love feeling, I also got a huge surprise when it told me exactly what it was I wanted to ask. It never made anything a drama, always spoke truth in the simplest way for me to understand and always answered every question while advising me on my path. I eventually got tripped up by my own Ego with this too. I talk with God, was what Ego was saying to people, because I had given it free reign to do so. This had door-knocking religions sending older men around to my place to judge whether I was a tool of Satan. That was an interesting few months I can tell you. And yet they could not say that any information I supplied them with from my written conversations or from their testing questions was Satans doing. One day it dawned on me what all this was about, I was being tested and partially failing, partially succeeding, while learning some very important lessons. This was not the way for me to go ahead, it had already been done. There was no need for me to continue with it. Ego was not to be given free reign either. And, I learned the methods that religion uses to indoctrinate people. The man who was sent to test me was very upset with me when I told him so. He said, We do not indoctrinate people. I replied, Are you not teaching Doctrine to me? Yes, he said. Well my friend that is indoctrination. He left my house, and I can tell you he did not seem to be very friendly to me at all. The next few months saddened me, as every time we crossed paths in the street he would not talk to me, yet I thought that during the months we spent sharing and studying together that we had become friends. Again there was another lesson in all of that, we were friends as far as I was prepared to follow the way they told me to, otherwise there could be no friendship. I felt like a hot potato for a little while and it affected my faith in others. Fortunately, these things dont go for too long and soon enough I was back on my path again.

130 My daughter was attending pre-school so I was meeting mostly mothers while taking her there and picking her up. One of these ladies I became friends with as I thought we were of similar minds. Over the next year we became good friends and shared many interesting stories about our various spiritual experiences. She once gave me a large pile of new age magazines that I decided to read. Within a few days I was again saddened. I could not believe that the new age movement had gone down the same road as most other human movements, meaning towards the accumulation of wealth, prestige and status. In the years that had passed between my late teens and my forties, the fledgling movement had gained momentum and had become a huge thing in its own right. Back in its infancy I had hoped that it was a way forward for the world to come to a clearer understanding of our nature as spirit and how things could be made more simple for all people. What I read was mostly confusing, still shrouded in complex terminology and worst of all; it was priced at the top end of the market. That last bit really upset me. How could average people pay for any help from most of those who advertised in these magazines? This started a downward spiral for me as I got further depressed at what I was reading. I stopped reading them, the New Year came and went without any Y2K problems, and we began 2000. One thing I had noticed during this year and the next was that my intuition was getting much stronger, I put it down to the fact that I was working in the light. I was still travelling to the cave fairly regularly, learning, remembering and continuing to build inner strength. This helped me to get over my little issue regarding the new-ager things, at least to the point where I began to wonder if there was an opening for what I wanted to do. So I made up some small notices to see if anyone would be interested in experiencing their own past lives, and the phone started to ring. I wasnt inundated with calls, but I did get enough to make me go out and start doing it. At the time I decided to only do past life work and to steer as far away from

131 counselling as possible. Of course this was a plan developed to help me stay within the bounds of my own comfort zone. The first few went very well, and I got the reward of seeing the new sparkle in peoples eyes when they sat up after their experiences. I knew, just as they did, that they had experienced the fact of their own immortality, and it was a truly wonderful thing to see the realization occurring in the people. As the work progressed, the simplicity of what I wanted to do was decreasing, and not by my choice. Each new person who wanted the experience was heading me further and further into Guided Journeys and Counselling. My fear factor began to rise along with it, as I still did not want to go that way and I really doubted my ability to succeed at that level. Little did I realize that this would not be happening if I was not capable of it and so my self doubt increased to the point that I stopped doing the work completely. Another learning phase was underway, and I just had to go with it. And another year slipped past, Christmas, New Year again and we were into 2001. About this same time I met a group of ladies who walked together in the mornings after school had started, it seemed like a great idea to join them and do something about my growing weight. On the first day I started, only one other person and I showed up, so away we went. I could feel that this lady and I had something of a connection but did not pursue it unless it was seen as being something other than what it really was. We were only about five minutes into our walk when the conversation flowed into spiritual matters, so I immediately felt that our connection was working for us. The lady named Felice was telling me about her Teacher, the insightful organization he was involved in, all the various courses and seminars he had told her she should attend for her growth and just how much it had cost over a two year period. My ears pricked up while she was telling me and then I was mortally shocked when she told me how much all this had cost her. I had to ask, So have you met your Guide yet? No,

132 but I have learned a lot, she responded. As you could imagine, I wanted to tell her that I would gladly introduce her to her Guide for free and save her a heap more money in the future that way. But, something helped me to think better of that approach and I let it drop. Which for me was a big step all on its own, the lesson being to let people have their own stuff without me needing to change it. Felice and I walked every day for three months; I did start losing weight rapidly and feel the benefits of the regular exercise. Each day I wanted to tell her that she did not need to spend so much to find her answers, especially when she told me about more seminars she was going to attend on channelling and other new-age pursuits, and particularly when she was saying that she had no idea where the money would come from to do these courses. One of those weekend courses cost over four hundred dollars, so I had to ask what they got for their money. Felice explained that they had watched a woman channel messages for the first day and then had a wonderful vegetarian meal. On the next day they were grouped into pairs and asked to help their partner find whatever it was that they believed they were missing in their life. Each person was given a straw to suck up the missing things and give it to the other person! Some of what Felice told me seemed fine as much as they had an opportunity to experience another reality, but I was still very judgemental about the fee charged for what they got. So I again asked, So did you meet your Guide yet? Felice only shrugged her shoulders at me and continued telling me her opinion of how wonderful the course had been. This informed me that I could not get her to accept that little old me, who had never paid for any spiritual experience, had never been tutored by such a recognised Teacher, was never going to be able to help her in any way. As expected this led me down the spiral again. All the while I was thinking to myself, Why have the Guides helped me learn so much and told me to share it, if no

133 one wants to hear it? While I pondered over this, Felice told me about an old Native Shaman who was coming to our area to conduct traditional sweat lodges. The urge to attend came so strongly that I could not contain my excitement and immediately asked to be included in a group. To my surprise I was accepted and looked forward to the night with trepidation. What exactly I was afraid about was beyond my comprehension, so it must have been something that would surface on or near the night of the sweat lodge. The weeks passed slowly until I was at the place waiting to meet this Shaman, experience what a sweat lodge was about, discover what was behind my feelings and worrying over whether I would be able to handle the heat. I did not want to pass out or be seen as weak by anyone else. Ego! On the night many people showed up, some I knew, some I didnt and one I had met years earlier in the town where I was separated from my wife. It really is a very small world. Many of us had been sitting and talking inside the house, when Grey Wolf arrived. Suddenly everyone was filing out the door to meet the man while I decided to wait inside and not be so excitable. Just as suddenly, I felt myself jump up and move outside, but just as I was going through the door I came face to face with him and nearly collided. Didnt my Ego think I would have looked foolish at that point? Everyone then followed the old man inside as I wondered what had driven me to that last action. We followed the old mans directions for making prayer parcels, which I found I could do with my eyes closed as if some ancient memory was performing the task. And of course, it was. After everything was ready we made our way down to the sweat lodge and lined up to be smudged. I was already judging this ritual use of sage as just an old, unnecessary thing that had no great purpose. Then it was my turn. As the fire-keeper began he said to me, Breath in the smoke while I clear your aura. Well, I did as he asked and was totally blown away with the power that rushed into me. Only a few times before had I felt this kind of power rush, and it found a resonance inside me that made it

134 much stronger. He asked me to turn around slowly, while I felt the power peaking within me. As he finished an equally powerful voice came out of my depths without me making it happen, Thank you brother. I opened my eyes and met his looking back at me with a wondering, questioning nature about them. In no way had I intended to say anything, it just came up and out, surprising us both. When looking at the lodge I wondered how all of us would fit inside it and noticed the entrance was facing the West. I asked Grey Wolf about the entrance direction, he replied, It was built before I got here. Normally I build them to face the East, but this is done. The West is the female direction, so we will go with that. It made a lot of sense to me then why we had an equal number of men and women in tonights co-ed sweat lodge, fourteen people in all. Numerologically, that fourteen equals five, the number for female energy and balance. So it seemed as if everything was perfect. Then the time came to enter and begin the ceremony, we all filed in through the low entrance and made our way around the inside using a clockwise direction, as instructed. Grey Wolf came in last and explained how the ceremony would run and that if we felt we could not bear the heat, to speak up and we would be allowed to leave. Now he called the fire-keeper for the first glowing rock, and it immediately appeared through the small flap. I can tell you now that the heat coming from this football-sized object was intense, feeling like a miniature sun moving into the centre of our small group. Man was it hot, you could feel it burning your face as it was placed in the centre. We began the first round with Grey Wolf telling us a tale that related to the energy of the first direction. The heat built up quickly, and we all had in our turn something to add from our own experience. At the end of each round we were asked to go out into the cold night air for a short spell before the next round. After the heat of that rock, the outside was refreshingly cold and

135 exceptionally clear. By the end of the second round I was enjoying the heat, the sweat and all that had been shared within the little lodge. While standing outside in the cold air I happened to get a smell of vanilla, this made me wonder who had worn perfume. It had been expressly forbidden to use as we would all be in a very confined space. I didnt have to wait long to get an answer to my mental question. At the beginning of the third round Grey Wolf told us he had smelled Vanilla. This was what always told him a particular force or being was present. It made my ears prick up with interest, and he continued the explanation. This being, he said, was the manifestation of the Mother, the Turtle Island Mother to be exact. He asked if anyone else had smelled Vanilla and to my surprise no one else had. Of course I began to wonder why just this old man and I had smelled it. The round began in the now normal way with Grey Wolf starting off the sharing. One woman began to talk about her lessons in life, how difficult they had been for her and how spirit demanded everything from her in order to fulfil her task here. She sounded very bitter about it and talked for some time on the subject, until she ended with these words, Why me? At this last voicing I felt something delve deeply into me and rip at an old wound, this caused me to become short on breath and stamina. I had to put my face to the Earth floor to feel any form of relief from the heat that had seemed to rise as the lady had spoken her last words. Tears came to my eyes and I felt my whole self shudder in silent sobbing. During all this, the sharing had gone around the circle and it was now my turn to speak. Do you think I could remember what it was I thought I had wanted to say? The answer to that is no. Everything I had organised in my mind was gone and replaced with this intense feeling of overwhelming sadness from within. I tried to get back some form of composure but could not, this thing inside me demanded its release here and now. So I began to speak, I thanked the lady for saying those words and

136 then allowed all that was inside to come out in its own way. Words fell out of my mouth along with the tears down my face, it all came, all the grief of feeling as if I had never belonged on this world, all the pain I felt at the visions of future events, everything. Then the lady beside me placed her hand upon my leg and I felt the great comforting one human can give, it helped me to calm and see that this sharing was what I had come to the sweat lodge for, to voice it and in so doing, free myself from the inner turmoil of it. I thanked my neighbour and relished in the emptiness I then felt, as if this sharing had torn out the roots of that previously unrecognised pain. The third round came to an end and I immediately asked Grey Wolf how he had dealt with the things he knew he had to do but did not want to do in his life. He said, I wrote it down, all of it. Then I burned it. This little gem was way too simple for me to grasp in that moment and I continued, Okay, its just that.. Grey Wolf turned his back and walked away. In that tiny moment I realized how I had just displayed my ignorance. He had given me exactly what I needed and I had not seen it, until he walked away. But, at least I did get it even if it had not been immediately. So now we were called in for the final session, the heat seemed no-where near as intense and the feeling within the circle was light-hearted. Grey Wolf began the sharing of thanks and it quickly moved around the circle with each person expressing their gratitude at having shared and heard others say things that they thought only they were feeling. The joy of sharing had many effects on us all, that we were not really aware of until Grey Wolf gave his last sharing, We are done, and many balls have dropped tonight, even with the women here. We all had issues of maleness to deal with, to bring into our awareness so it could be balanced. You may have a headache for the next day or two, dont worry about it as it is only the healing working on you. And the man was very much right on that score, the headache I had lasted four full days.

137

Time Out.
Everything serves our highest good if we make good use of it.
Dan Millman.

Next time Felice and I went walking she told me about a dream she had. In that dream we were travelling along a rough road in a small four-wheel drive vehicle and came upon a rushing river of raw sewage that blocked our way. She was so concerned that we could not continue, until I suggested we roll the vehicle onto its roof and use it as a boat to reach the other side. We did that and righted the vehicle once we were safely across and again continued our journey. I had an immediate seeing into the dreams meaning, although I felt I could not tell her at that moment. So I asked her what she thought it meant and she replied, I have no idea, other than I would come across a shitty-something that would prevent me continuing along the path. The time was not right to share my insight because she was not ready for what I had to say on that matter, so I let it drop. What I saw in her dream was that Felice and I would come to a point where effluent would get in the way. This effluent would be ego-based, about who was more spiritual and deserving, based on the effort and costs put into growth. This was the river of raw sewage. My solution of turning the vehicle upside down was symbolic. The vehicle represented how we move in this world by our beliefs, and it was my idea to turn her beliefs upside down in order to cross the effluent river. The days rolled on into weeks, my journeying had decreased to very irregular intervals and I was not getting any more visions and dreams. The road to this point had been so incredibly intense that I decided on an indeterminate amount of time out. I felt like I needed time to allow all that I had experienced to be digested, and I needed to have some fun to help alleviate the nagging feelings I still had about the new-age

138 movement. With this as my aim I smoked some weed, then some more and really began to enjoy it again. This really was more like dj vu than I realized. One of my friends began a relationship with what I would call a New-Age Entertainer, which allowed me further insight into the movement and the attitudes. He seemed to be really out there to me, and that is a big statement coming from someone with my background. I was concerned that he was making so much money from things that didnt do anything to get people to a clearer understanding of themselves and their spiritual nature, instead what he was providing let people enjoy their inner childs joy for a small amount of time. While this is valid for the experience, it did nothing as far as I was concerned that was really important. Of course I was being Judgemental. But I had noticed that he was the person who got the most out of it, as he was the centre of attention and therefore was getting everyones concentrated attention directed to him. This means, he was getting off on the energy he received from all the people. At my place he acted like he was always on-stage, never able to relax and feel the vibrations that were real, a little like an adult A.D.H.D. sufferer. At my friends place one night he showed me a fire dance that lasted about ten minutes, was extremely dangerous to the children he forced to sit near him and then finished with the statement, Well, what do you think of that? It has to be worth $350. I was dumbfounded. Never did I feel comfortable in this mans presence. Even when he took the children for a swim in their dam, I was very concerned. My daughter had Glue Ear and was waiting for an operation to install Grommets, so I told him to make sure she only waded and at no time was she to put her head in the water. While they were away I felt the old mild panic inside and waited for them to return. When they did I was not disappointed by my intuition, he had made the two girls swim across the dam before letting them out of the water. He

139 had the attitude that as he worked mostly with children and that he was always in communication with the Divine, then he knew what was best. A few more little examples of this attitude were to come my way from his relationship with my friends children, and in the end I was forced to end that friendship altogether. I knew that I could not judge the whole new-age thing from the antics of this one person, but it concerned me that he was well accepted in the roving new-age circus known as The Psychic Expo. This expo was to provide a new insight into the movement, many thousands of people flock to it as it travels around the major cities of our country and all of them part with a heap of money during the weekends that it is operating. My friend told me before the end of our friendship that she had talked to many stallholders who had no qualms with telling her how much they had made on a particular weekend, and it was in the region of thousands of dollars. From what?, I had asked her, she replied, From psychic stalls and selling tshirts, relaxation music and all the other cool stuff. I wanted to know if anyone was teaching people how to reach their own Guidance, unfortunately the answer to that question was a definite no. Now I could feel the old downward spiral speeding up again. What could I do to help make a difference here? Was there room for me to do what I really wanted to? And why did everyone expect me to charge for what I wanted to do? I was deflated completely. Somehow I had to find a way to do something that would be of help, something that really made a difference in other peoples lives. The urge was not to become wealthy, to become famous, or even well respected in any one circle, rather the urge was to make a difference, to help people see with a wider perspective that they had all the choice and to help them come to a deeper understanding of their true nature as Great Souls

140 without the various feel good distractions of the new-age hype. Unfortunately, I still could not see how to do this; I knew where I wanted it to take me but just could not see how to bridge from here to there. Meanwhile, the sea of darkness I lived in was getting deeper and darker. I had felt that my place was a refuge, an island in the sea of shit that surrounded it. Many people had come there to seek guidance, deeper communication with another human and all other reasons that we humans can find. Yet none of it was truly satisfying to my inner self, I needed another outlet, a deeper injection of life-energy to help me out of this self-imposed rut. Then I happened to dream of moving into another house out in the country. It was a very specific house, one that I was sure I could find when the time was right, so I began looking in the to lease sections of our local paper. But it was not there to be found, so I gave up on it. All of this was interrupted when I had a most interesting lucid dream that seemed so real as to feel as if you were really living it, yet still being aware that it was a dream. I was on my way to visit a friend and had to pass an airport. When slowly driving past it I noticed some pilots wearing white shawls who were about to board the aircraft. Somehow I knew that they intended to crash the plane on purpose, and I rushed on to my friends place to tell them. While there I saw the plan take-off and watched in horror as it swooped around to crash into the buildings. Then the dream ended with huge pieces of airplane raining down over the area, causing people to run for safety. The next day I told some people about the dream, making sure to say that within the next few weeks there would be a huge plane crash, and that it had some military significance. They all ignored my offering. Everyone around me had been getting a most terrible strain of influenza that seemed to get better then come back with a vengeance. I bragged about not getting it because I had not used antibiotics for a couple of years, yet within two weeks of

141 that dream it hit me and it hit savagely. This left me rugged up and lying on the sofa for a week just watching television and feeling miserable. One memorable morning my mother phoned me to say, Turn your T.V on, you need to see this. I argued that I did not want to watch television, as I was not feeling good at all, in fact, I was feeling the worst I had for many years and I did not know why. In the end my mum convinced me to turn on the television and I sat on the sofa to watch just as the video replay of the first plane crashing into the World Trade Centre was shown. I said, I dreamed this. Oh no, this is the start of it all, this is the sign mum. Mum let me hang up and watch what was happening. Suddenly I got the urge to phone Roma and tell her to watch it too. When she picked up the phone she asked, Whats wrong, you sound upset? You have to turn on your television, this is it. It all starts here. Roma had her friend turn on their television and I heard them both chorus, Oh no! We quickly chatted about our deepest concerns then I let her hang up and watch. I curled up on my sofa and understood why I was feeling so terrible that morning, and then I cried. I sat on the sofa and cried for four days! This was the beginning of what I knew was coming and the realization of it wounded me more than just the visual stimulus of the event. Nothing would be the same for me in my world, nothing would be the same for anyone deeply moved by what we were watching or affected directly by the event. The deepest fears of what I had known would come to our world was beginning in reality, and I was not ready for it in the slightest. About three weeks later one of the ladies I worked with at the school tuckshop told me she was moving away and also asked if I would come to mow the grass at her place before she left. She had offered to pay me for the work and I accepted it as the few extra dollars would be a great help. On the day I drove twenty kilometres out of town to an area called Glastonbury. Inside I felt something about the name but did not bother to pursue it as I was in working mode, which for me then, meant I

142 was switching off awareness in order to function fully in the here and now. As I drove up to the house I wondered if it was the same one as in my dream, it looked similar, was laid out on the block in the same way and just seemed to have a subtle feel to it. The moment I stepped inside I knew without a doubt that this was it, and it had a most welcoming feel to me despite the atrocious conditions the woman was living in. Once again I began to get excited, this was the house from my dream, I was meant to move into it and see what I was supposed to be doing here. With a bit of red tape and a lot of faith, we extricated ourselves from the Housing Department home and moved out to the old house. Now we were in Glastonbury, all the while I was not sure if we could survive at full market rental on my very meagre single-parent pension. So it was an exercise mostly in faith, with lessons to be learned about effectively using my money. Would you believe the take-over day was Christmas Eve? We moved everything on that day and within a few hours I had the place looking like a home, providing you didnt walk up the hallway and look into the bedrooms. That night my daughter and I made a make-shift Christmas tree of lights and decorations pinned to the lounge room wall, it looked wonderful with the house lights off. Christmas morning dawned and I watched my girl open up her few gifts, all the while feeling as if I had my present already, the house. I so loved the feeling, the freedom to walk around naked in the back yard if I wanted to, and for the first time in my life I did. Not even the birds were offended. This led me to dancing in the yard anytime I wanted, to yelling out if I wanted and had the most comfortable feeling of Home. It didnt take long to find that the message I had received about living at Crows Nest had actually meant this place was the first step, the place where the crows nest. There is a large nest in a tree not far from the window I look out while typing this, although it is not the nest of a crow, it belongs to a pair of

143 large Blue-eyed Australian Ravens. She started communicating with me, waking me up at six in the mornings by banging her beak on the back door. By being quietly aware, I discovered that these ravens were the rulers of the other birds, ordinary crows acted subserviently to them, always waiting for the ravens to finish eating before coming in for their share. When the eagles came across this raven would be the first and last to signal danger to all the other birds. I began to see the two mated Ravens as the Queen and King of the area and they lived up to my silly notion. Living at this house had so much more going for it than anywhere else I had lived, we have a family of Wallabies that come and feed around the house, which gave us the opportunity to see things that no one else could. One morning as I watched the mother feeding, a small head poked out of her pouch and started to nibble on the grass. As the weeks went by the little one would start to get out and hop about in search of tender new blades of grass. I got to see the most amazing thing, he was happily eating when his mother decided to hop away to the shade of a nearby Pine plantation and he bellowed before following her. The next thing I saw really surprised me, he hadnt followed her to the Pines at all, he had started to then decided to hop as fast as he could around the old milking shed and yard. It was the funniest thing, this tiny little Wallaby hopping at full speed and leaning over to make the corner just like a Grand Prix motorcycle rider. I thought out loud, Wow, you would only get to see that sort of thing once. But this little fella went around three times. How I wished for a video camera to record these types of activities. So there we were, living in a new area, not sure if we could afford to do it, not having any ideas about what I was even there for, but there anyway. Once all the excitement of the move and Christmas was out of the way, we got down to preparing for day to day living over the remainder of the school holidays. It

144 was fun, we went to picnic spots, swimming holes, and anywhere else that let us enjoy and soak up the time until my girl returned to school. Those holidays went so fast that my head must have been spinning, because in no time at all I was at home on my own, just the way I thought I still liked it. What a surprise it was to find that I was not interested in sitting around playing with time wasters like the Playstation. Now I had to start thinking about what I was going to do with myself, and wondering what it was that I was supposed to be doing. That was the really big question in that New Year. So I started writing this book by hand in a journal then typing it up on the Library Computer, which is when I discovered that a computer really was the way to go. By late March I had turned forty-two, and had just bought my first home computer, an old but still operating computer. I also found a few new time wasters on it, so I did waste some more time playing various card games and the like, although the first real pages of this book began to be produced and was ready to give to Roma for editing. Then I hit another block, which lasted about six months. I could sit down in front of the computer to write and end up playing cards or pinball for a few hours until I tired of it. Roma told me that if I sat down and actually started writing I would find it work itself out and move through the blocks, she was right again. Over the next six months I managed to write about half of the book and have it edited, thats when I hit a big block. One of my biggest hurdles was that I was waiting for Raven to appear in my life. She had told me herself a couple of times that she would be with me soon, but I had no patience for soon as I wanted her here sooner, now in fact. I was pretty certain that I had met her at Lees house two years earlier and had kept running into her a couple of times a year since then, each time seeing in her eyes what I already knew. But, Lee had informed me that she was not the

145 one for me and I was unsuitable for this woman, seeing how Lee had known her for longer I decided to trust her and doubt my own knowing. There was a good lesson, one that would take another year or so to really learn well. By this time I had given up trying to find Raven in the few woman who fitted her description and was simply waiting for her to come along even though I was sure I had already met her. Have you ever noticed how quickly we dis-empower ourselves when we doubt what we do know inside? The year rapidly flew by and before I really had a handle on it we were facing another Christmas. My power year was coming to a close and I had not found what I had expected to find, although I knew that the next year, being a nine, would help me to complete the cycle I was in, so I had some further expectations too. You would think that having already learned that my expectations had no place in reality would have helped me here, but it didnt, and maybe because I had not truly gotten to know that lesson well yet. Christmas raced past followed closely by the start of school, which was when I started to notice that my daughter was growing up faster than I had been able to realize. I sat on her bed while she slept and wondered where had my little girl gone so rapidly, as in place of the tiny body was a kid who took up almost all the space in that bed. Now I also realized that I needed to make some fundamental changes in the way I was dealing with her simply because she was no longer the small child I had started out with. That would take some doing, firstly I had to understand exactly what had to be changed and how I could change it without hitting brick walls at one hundred miles per hour. I am still learning how to do this and not always in the most effective manner, or with the ease that may be required as I was still full of my own blocks and issues too. Just prior to Christmas I had been voted in as President

146 of the local UFO and Paranormal Research Group which was a responsibility that I had not wanted for more than five years and now it was thrust upon me. The first thing I decided to do was to try and get more participation from our members so that they were not simply coming along to be entertained by guest speakers and the like, which would also help to increase our very meagre finances. Unfortunately, no one wanted to have any input over and above the standard think tank discussions we have every meeting. Although, those discussions were always the highlight of our meetings. I had tried to include more spiritually oriented exercises into the group and it was met with mediocre response by the members. So I then tried to get us looking at bigger picture questions relating to where we as a race were heading, but that too fell on deaf ears. It was now 1993 and I was quickly losing the fight to keep up with time as it shot by at an ever increasing pace. There was so much to do and seemingly little time left to do it in. I was full of questions and very little in the way of answers, as every time I got an answer it only served to raise more questions. What was the biggest question? There wasnt one question that stood out amongst the many that spun around in my mind on a daily basis. How long do I have to wait to be with Raven? Will this book ever be published? How am I supposed to make ends meet when my income is unable to do anything more than keep us from starving? How can I make a difference in the world? How do I bridge the void from where I am to where I would like to be? And, have I left my run a little too late, or maybe a lot late? It was these questions that started to drive me forward and sideways, in the search for answers. What I did know was that I had something to share with others. And that so far the way had seemed to be blocked by those who were already in the field, as if there was no room left for me. No way for me to bring what I had to share into the light for others to see. I approached Lee with these questions and was sorely disappointed with her answers. To my question of what I was meant to be doing for a

147 living, her card reading provided the answer of auto detailing, which is something that having already done it when much younger I would not choose it again. Then I started to see something, something that I was not happy with and began to understand that our twenty year friendship was really over, only neither of us where taking any notice. My friend had allowed her need to be better or more spiritual interfere with her ability to help find real answers. So I began to spiral downwards again, feeling totally unsupported by friends and family which left no where else to turn except inwards. Being a nine year for me meant that I had a lot of stuff to clear and finish with before I could move on into the next new beginning year, which also meant that this year would be a Big One. And I was not the slightest bit prepared for what it might bring. My longest friendship ended when I finally decided to speak up and tell the things that I had been keeping to myself, and in so doing I found that it was not possible to end it on an amicable note, much like the end of a long marriage. I wanted no part of the new-age style activities, nor its pre-occupation with making megabucks for myself from sharing what I had. It seemed that I was even further removed from what was happening in the world around me, which is a very scary place to be most of the time. Somehow I had to find a way to share what I had, to also make a living for myself and daughter and to move forward when the way became clear. And that appeared to be the biggest immediate hurdles that I could see. All of this had become overwhelming for me. I tried to go out and do the work but every time I put up notices they were pulled down, so in this way I kept banging my head against the wall. Once I got onto the Internet I figured that it would be an avenue to share so I merrily joined various spiritually oriented forums and was immediately set upon by a small number of people. Strangely enough, these people had joined straight after I had, as if they had been compelled to join and judge what I

148 tried to share. So I spat out the dummy and left, for a couple of days then crept back to see what was happening in my absence, only to find that my sharing had been attacked. Not the message, mind you, only the messenger. Now I decided to fight back, to not give up when the going got tough. In this way I learned a valuable lesson and for that I am truly thankful as before this I had always given up as soon as things got tough About this time I met a woman at the UFO group, we got along famously, although I knew it was not a love type relationship. Somehow there were more lessons to learn from this lady, and so I took it on faith. Soon enough I was overwhelmed by the woman attempting to find the way into my heart, and I was not enjoying it in the least as I felt smothered with no way out but to be completely open and honest, whether that hurt her feelings or not. One particular and memorable day, we were sitting out the back of my place while we went through what was going on discussions. The woman was upset by my responses and decided to go for a walk. While she was away one of the Ravens that live here came down to the fence, faced me and began to talk in a way that I had not heard them using before. I was just thinking to myself, I wish I could understand her language, when I felt a calmness come over me and suddenly I heard her words in my language. She said to me, Do not go with this one Mark, she is not the one. You must be patient, she is coming soon., and then she pointed out the many places that have been disturbed by us humans and asked me to heal them. As soon as she finished talking to me the other woman returned, the Raven turned to her, screamed, then flew away. That was all I needed, now I knew what I had to do here, finally. From that moment on Raven was in my mind, I could do nothing to shift her from it, so I let her have her place and just enjoyed it. A few weeks later I was asked to paint a house down the road from where I live and seeing as how I needed money to upgrade my failing car I took the work. I met a woman there called Black Crow Walking and we had some interesting

149 discussions, including the topic of Raven. She said to me, Who knows, maybe she is just around the corner for you. The next morning after checking e-mails I decided to look at my online stars for the day, which I would not normally do. It spoke about finding my Soul Mate and to look for the face in the crowd, to which I thought, Oh yeah, what crap. An hour later I was merrily painting away when a number of cars arrived and people began to crowd around looking at a tepee that is on the property, and I could swear I recognised the back of one woman who stood in the crowd. Would you believe that she turned around and saw me too, then she walked over and we talked. About four or five years earlier I had met her at Lees place and had an instant feeling of something very strong, it seemed to be mirrored in this womans eyes as she smiled back at me then. Over the prevailing few years we had bumped into one another regularly and each time I felt the same thing while turning into a nervous bumbling idiot right in front of her. Also during those years Raven and I had a few more conversations, one in particular in which I had been trying to find out if this woman at Lees was Raven. I asked for her description only to be told that I already knew what she looked like, which was true. She was a petite, dark-skinned, sensuous woman who would have money but act like she didnt, she would not be into commitment and was older than me. All these things would be a dead give-away in the small town where I lived. So many times Raven told me that we would be together again in the world and that all I had to do was be patient, which was a difficult thing for me to do at the time. All that I wanted was to know for sure if this woman was Raven, and then hopefully to meet her again so that we could walk forward together. My expectation was, since we were what could be called Soul Mates, we would have to develop a Loving relationship in this life too. Little did I know that it would not be as easy as I had imagined it to be, as I had not given any thought to the idea that this Lady may decide to do something very

150 different. Well, we do have free will. So I told her that she had been in my mind for a few weeks and she said, Wow, you have been in my mind too. I met a nice man and every time I tried to think of him your name came to my mind. And so that was how Raven came into my real world life this time. Foreknowledge of our connection would make things hard.

151

Transformation begins.
..we all have free will and it is up to us to Discipline ourselves in order to improve spiritually.
- Thao, Abduction to the 9th Planet.

The Internet turned out to be an excellent avenue to share what was inside me, as after learning the lessons from being ridden by some forum members I continued to make posts in the same forum. Soon enough I had a few people who wanted to see if I could be any help to them. During this time I had been talking with a friend over the Internet on an instant messenger program, she lived in Brisbane which was about 200 kilometres from my place. This allowed us to try a little experiment to see if it was possible to Project awareness to her place and attend to an entity that was present there. I tried to send my focus along the connection and within seconds I felt my face coming out of her computer, which was interesting as I could see her looking at the screen as I emerged. Immediately I could see the entity standing back away from my friend and so I approached it, only to have it leave. So I went over to my friend and thought to her, Okay mate, its gone now. Can you sense me here? Then I opened my eyes and typed to her, How was that? A few moments later came the reply, Yes, I felt you come around my right side and the entity left straight away. I felt you next to me, you were saying something. What an excellent result to that little experiment. An opportunity to push the boundaries a lot further with this type of activity came within the next week when a man in Ireland asked me to come and help him with a similar problem. Ireland! That was much further than Brisbane, so I wondered if it was possible to project such distances in the same way. We made arrangements for the next night, which fitted into his day

152 routine. I found it was quit easy to push the Focus to his home and again I immediately saw that an entity had attached itself to his energy field. This time I followed the inner guidance I was getting and removed the entity using the Golden Light energy, then worked on his chakra points to cleanse and open them so that they could function properly. He reported instantly feeling much better. So another excellent result came and this made me wonder if the same methods could be used to heal a lot of other people. I decided to try. And as soon as I made that decision many requests came from people with Psychic Attack problems. At the same time there were others who wanted me to help them get out of body so they could Astral travel, I figured that each would be individual and need particular variations to the basic methods I intended to use. After four reasonably successful attempts to get an American man out of body and travelling, after projecting to help five people over a three week period, I started to get the messages coming to me again. It was time to knuckle down and do the work as well as do my own practice for myself. The next of my own journeys came immediately after finishing projection work with some of these people. There were three connections on my computer screen, the guy in Ireland, the first projector in America and another woman also in the U.S, who was having on-going Psychic Attacks. It was very taxing to my energy working with all three so I wound each up and said goodbye to them, thinking that I would have a sleep to re-energize myself. Something else wanted my attention, I could feel the strong connection on my forehead. The tension always indicates to me that a part of me is in contact, working, or that I have an entity near me. The only way to sort it was to open up and see what was there. A man about fifty years old came into my mind and began to berate me for interfering in his work, this surprised me enough to want to scan him to know what and who he was. As it turned out he was the person responsible for the Psychic Attack I had been

153 working against and he was a part of a government program that involves mind control. My first thought was, Geez, what have I got myself into this time? The next thing to happen was inside me as I decided to do the work anyway and to hell with their program, so I told him, I am not interfering with anything, I am simply helping someone who has asked for it. You are not needed here anymore, you may leave now. He did start to leave then threatened me saying, You are going down, you will lose. Yeah, right!, I thought in return. When he left I was expecting the feeling to go as well, it didnt, so I opened up again to see what else was there. An alien face came into my mind and said, You must come to us, we are ready for you now. I only responded with a promise to do so that night and that feeling also left, although the connection feeling stayed with me. It continued for the next two hours. Later that day I received an e-mail from another man in the states that I had been doing projection work with, he was thanking me for helping him during his sleep to get out of body and remain aware. He thanked me for the huge energy boost I had given him that enabled him to be fully alert during his journey. Funnily enough, it made sense to me. Now I realized something else, something significant and it blew me away. Other levels of my awareness were also working whether I was aware of it or not, although this time I was aware to some degree that something was happening. This helped gel the concept of us being Great Spirits in our own right, if we are able to be doing amazing energy work in the various realms while we are only partially aware that some part of our higher-self is doing it. Around this time also, I noticed that Id get strange feelings coming and going over a day or two, so I had to isolate them from my own feelings and discovered that I had a connection to the lady who was Raven. Whenever she had a down day I would feel it inside my body as a unique energy and at first I thought that it was romantic in some way.

154 That night I waited until I was able to give my full attention to the alien contact. At 9:15 pm my time I sat and began preparing to Journey out and see what this alien wanted from me. Gilgar came to me and said, We do not have time for that, we are late already. Just project your awareness for now, lets go., and we were soon approaching the largest ship I had ever seen, it was massive, about the size of the first ships depicted in the movie Independence Day. I really wanted to check it out but had no time for play. My Guide led me into the ship and the first thing I noticed was a human male dressed in a uniform who bowed to us, when I questioned why a human was aboard this ship I was told, This is a federation ship. There are all kinds on board. We quickly moved on to something I would describe as an elevator and entered it while my Guide said he would wait for me to return. The elevator rose at phenomenal speed if the lights on each level were any indication to go by. It very quickly came to a stop, the door(s) opened and there waiting for me was a tall, pale-grey alien who telepathically said, Come with me, we are ready for you now. He led me to what looked like a normal office type board-room, with oval table and chairs all around it. One other being was waiting and he refused to speak with me, I got the feeling from him that he was not particularly friendly to us humans. Within a couple of seconds I heard my name called and noted that it wasnt the name I have in this current life. One wall of the room slid open to reveal a huge auditorium sized room, circular in shape, with seating around the outside walls. In the middle was a massive round table in the centre. I heard, Please take your seat., and immediately knew what seat was mine; I could see it clearly, as if I had sat there many times before. Circling the table I went to my seat and calmly sat while waiting for something to happen. It was extremely quiet except for my thoughts, which seemed to be the loudest thing I could hear. That was when I was reminded to screen my thoughts because they were like me yelling out in the room. The meeting continued as I tried to do so.

155 A being from a race that I had seen once before during my first Kundalini raising stood up and approached the table at the same time that an approximately thirty foot diameter hologram of Earth appeared above the table. What took my attention were the hundreds of red dots all over the globe. The being who had stood up began to communicate to the gathering, explaining that the red dots indicated where the underground/undersea bases existed for the reptilian race. And that their plans for processing human inhabitants, was well advanced. This meeting was to find a way to deal with the threat that would not cause an escalation of hostilities. One being suggested simply attacking and destroying the Dark Forces, but this was answered with, Should we choose that option they will respond with a full force attack upon that world and us. We do not have sufficient numbers here as yet to deal with such a situation. Another being asked, Could we not destroy them one ship at a time when we see them? And the answer was, That action will also provoke a full-scale attack. How we deal with this situation must be very well planned and not make any provocations. Then I was asked to stand, approach the table and present my message that the Emissary had given to me at the High ground. I did as they asked, concentrated and thought out the words of his message from the night of our meeting, and then took my seat again. What follows is a little of the discussion I heard, apparently, these reptilians were actively working at bringing about the Armageddon scenario as described in our Bible, they were also actively involved in producing numbers of earthquakes including some large ones around the planet and were here in massive numbers, although the larger main force is on standby within our Solar System, in cloaked ships. They told me that my services would not be needed for the remainder of the planning session and I could return to my world. I left and met the tall, pale grey one who spoke with me about a number of things that are happening in my life and left me with one

156 over-riding thought as we reached the elevator. He said, Remember this, then gave me a huge input of Loving energy while saying to my mind that I must remember this is my weapon. Into the elevator I went and within seconds found Gilgar waiting for me as he said he would. We returned to my place and I spent some time talking with Esgard to ensure that I understood and to know that I am strong enough to deal with the dark-haired man who had threatened me during the earlier communications. This turned out to be just the kind of support and encouragement I needed right then, as I was a little spun-out by this Journey. Who wouldnt be? You could imagine I was very excited by this turn of events, in no way did I doubt the reality of it as the Guide Gilgar had been present, which is something that indicated to me the experience was very, very real. That was true, even if it seemed crazy. And this experience certainly vied for top position on the Crazy-meter, so I shared it in the forum. It was read by over 4,500 people and had more than 160 replies, although not all were on topic. A few weeks later a new section was added to the forum where the Reptilians were apparently being channelled by some members who had been trained by a man to channel the Pleiadeans and Zeta greys. The Zeta stuff had me concerned as it seemed to be guided by some force that I could not quite put my finger on, and so I asked them for answers to some trick questions that I KNEW the answers to. Low and behold the answers I got back were vague and showed little or no knowledge of the subject matter, including the visits I had as a child from the Greys. So I decided then and there that it was hogwash designed to get us to think that these aliens were actually the good guys. And this same idea came through the Reptilian section of the forum saying, We are misunderstood, only a small minority are doing the terrible things you hear about. For sure dude.

157 Meanwhile, Raven and I were meeting for coffee and lunches as a slow but steady way to grow a relationship. Over the next four months we had the strangest relationship that you could imagine, a massive roller-coaster ride that had wonderful highs and terrible lows. The lady was just beginning a spiritual awakening through the meditations we did together in a small group, and in each I could see the reality of what I already knew. She had travelled to the area where her place is, which is a stones throw from my cave and already had a number of experienced-for-herself confirmations about who she was. Each week I would feel as if we were building a special relationship, then we would suddenly be back to being as friends again and I would fall into a gut-wrenching state. I knew that I did not want to be in that state, all I wanted was for this lady to step out of her box and walk with me into a solid, equal partnership to grow and build a new life together and I was very ready. Through this work I started to get an insight into the fears and issues that were stopping her, they were very strong and she would not let me help her with it in any way, as if I was something to be feared. Maybe it was something I had done to her in a previous life together, as she was able to move from warm and loving to cold and clinical at will, doing so as if it was enjoyable and I deserved it. Perhaps I would never know what we were supposed to be working on this time because she refused to move and the box shut me out every time. There was no way to go forward here and I tried one last effort in the hope that she would be shocked into looking at herself without the rose colored glasses of the egos comfort zone. That didnt work either and she did something much like I did at eighteen years old, she rebelled against it as hard as she could while I moved out of the way to let her go, sadly. Even though I knew without doubt she was Raven here, the human being she is in this life wanted to do something different. And so the ways parted, free will again. Needless to

158 say I learned some valuable lessons from the experience too and hindsight proved to be a powerful tool for seeing what was in it for me. There was a lot, much more than I had bargained for in fact. I got to remember an old lesson about not jumping in head first, hold back some and see what was there, and I remembered that some things are not good for you no matter how good you may feel at the time. Most of what I learned was about balancing things within myself and setting my boundaries again. A couple of days later I was surprised in a journey as I had expected to have a nice little look around near my cave. I sat and began to prepare myself to journey, and was going slow seeing as how I had not done this for some time. Once the chakras were opened, I saw the high ground below me and went down to it, where I walked around the central stele and then approached the fire circle. Here I piled up some wood and raised the Kundalini up into my right hand to throw at the wood and start the fire. I felt my hand get very warm, and then the fire started. Arane approached and was accompanied by a woman in Green. With curiosity pushing me, I wanted to talk with this new entity but Arane kept putting herself between us and nudging me. So I listened to what Arane was saying, she wanted me to hop on her back. I did and she trotted off the edge of the highground, heading in the direction of the higher peak I had been shown before. Once there I dismounted and went into a small cave opening that had some very strange looking objects in it. A fire was burning within a circle of about 8 beings, so I went over and sat in the empty place. A tall pale, gray Alien spoke to me saying that I had to focus on getting clear and aware. This was reiterated by the other members of the circle, and after about three minutes I was told to proceed to my cave. Arane took me back to the High-ground and left me to see the Green Lady. I did not ask for a name. Instead I took the opportunity to view her, she wore a flowing dress that seemed to be made from soft green leaves and her hair was auburn with what I was sure were

159 Autumn leaves through it. With this came the feeling of her being a part of something much larger. Then I asked her what she was, she replied that she was not a manifestation to me of the Earth Mother Spirit, but she was a part of that spirit. It made sense to me about knowing she was part of a larger spirit. She took my right hand and began to walk while saying, "Let's walk together to your cave." We went about half-way, around 50 metres, when she stopped. You know the feeling, when you are walking in a mall holding hands with your partner and she spots something that takes her fancy. You're still walking and talking, then youre jolted because she has already stopped. Well, that's how it was. I looked around to meet her eyes and she said, "Prepare yourself ", then I got the message she gave. It was like being told, In the manner earned. So I opened up, brought in more light and found myself wearing a the robe and cloak. This is maybe the third time in 5 years that this has happened, each time the trigger for it was different. We walked silently down to my cave and she entered, then I spoke with Absalom, who guards the entrance. It was all very natural, as if she had walked many times with me. Inside, she stood in her place around the circle of support, and I thought how cool to have her on my side. Each supporter stood in front of an Icon, as if they represented that time to me. Esgard said, "Choose one. Raven was standing there so I went towards her, but Esgard said, "Choose another", and I replied, "This is something I want to do.", while walking over to Raven. We held each other in our arms and cried to release our sorrows, I learned that it will be okay between us when the time is right. Then I walked around the circle to have a look and noticed a guy resembling Yahoo Serious with the wild hair and I hugged him. He said his name was John, then he moved back to show me the Icon he stood with. This was one I had not seen before in my cave, so I leant down to it and breathed in it's energy. Soon the mists cleared and I was standing on an

160 elevated outcrop of crystal formations. They were huge, larger than buildings and then I saw a very small cave entrance. Being so curious I crawled in and found it to be quite small with a number of strange Icons inside it. I have never seen anything like them before and was just about to look at one when I felt and heard a telepathic communication. The big voice of Creative Awareness was telling me that this was my original place, almost like a womb in a way. It continued on saying that I was an "early creation" of Itself. My mind didn't like this information as it is always concerned that Ego could get a hold of it. It gave me some further insights, which I do not remember now and soon I was back at my own cave. Esgard asked if I understood what I had been told, and I let him know that insights into this had come to me already. Then he said, You must continue the work and preparation, it is Time. He finished by telling me I could return to my body, which I did. Before the final move away from Raven, the person, she did some quick spiralling into self destructive behaviours as many of us do at times, wanted no help and seemed happy to go that way. I remember feeling the same in 1978, thinking to myself, No, they were wrong, Im happy now, and doing whatever my Ego wanted while thinking how clever I was, then learning fifteen years later that I was wrong and had lost much for the gaining of the lesson. I knew this lady would also eventually start to see clearly and that it could take weeks, months or years. And I was not going to put my life on hold to wait and see, as I was starting to feel free and unencumbered by the raw weight I carried when with her. Once through that period I realized that Id actually found the strength inside me to stand up and ensure I would never again be used, toyed with, or otherwise mentally-fornicated with. This realization was exactly what I needed. I was finally getting over the hurdle I created during many relationships and would never again bring that experience to fruit in this life.

161 So here I was, over four months further down the path and it was now very early in 2004. Where had the past seven and a half years gone? Those years had seemed like three in my mind and now I was racing towards being forty-four years old. Amongst that time I had experienced a wild ride of legal battles for custody, growing urges to learn and read all I needed, a massive increase in spiritual growth and other related things, a two year self-imposed hermit period, a daughter who grew faster than the years and all the rest of day to day life. What a ride it had been. This was one ride I had to have to help me grow and complete some things. And this brings us to something else worth remembering, sometimes the destinations importance really lies in the way you got there, what you learned or remembered of your journey. In this time I had been doing some Journey work with people and a few friends. There would not be much on this world I like to do more than guiding people on Journeys to find and awaken to their inner Self. One small circle had begun at Ravens house, allowing some nice people to experience some of their true Self through simple methods I had learned along the way. After quite a few sessions with various people I realized this work was meant to be, I only needed to put some effort in to make it grow and prosper. The best thing was that I loved doing it. Very obviously, I was in a new phase of moving on and not completely sure of which direction it would go. Things where on the drawing board for this year, for the first time in a few years I had real plans. One idea came to rework the Journey practices I had been doing into a course designed to bring people into direct contact with their Guides. It seemed the perfect answer to one of my major questions about creating selfemployment while also doing the spiritual work that I loved. And I could do it without charging the high prices that many others do. It was a perfect idea, now I had to bring it into reality. This would be a test. Another thing I had planned was to complete this book and be sending it to publishers, but that was

162 a little difficult because I was now living it and writing about it straight afterwards. No longer did I have the luxury of writing from memory and old pieces of paper, this was going out live. At the same time I was putting myself through mind induced stress and heartache over the process of letting go of Raven. I could not relate to how this soul I knew and loved for so many lives had manifest in the world this way. It was confusing since I already knew the answer and refused to look at it. For almost six months she had been in my mind constantly, so it was a difficult period to force myself out of. The process I started to use whenever I caught myself thinking about Raven was very simple, stop, and then focus only on what I was doing at that moment. I could see that this was useful for teaching myself how to stay in the here and now, so I widened the process to include all thoughts that were not NOW. It was to be a very difficult process all on its own. Many opportunities presented themselves immediately, some simple like stubbing my toe, forgetting important paperwork and being touchy, to motoring moments. During one short drive to a local town I was constantly reminding myself to keep thought to right now. In fact, about every two or three minutes I was busy reminding me about it! This illustrated to me just how difficult a process it was going to be. Imagine the energy required to keep your focused attention on every moment as a choice. As the trip progressed I was getting better at it too and was entering a park area near the towns small bridge, while being in the moment only to have two very large dogs appear out of the long-grassed slope immediately to my left and into the front of the car. I heard the bang as I mashed the brake pedal to the floor and we slid along in a cloud of blue smoke for twenty feet, before being able to back up and park off the road. The dog was huge and dearly loved by the couple who ran over to her. All that came to my mind was to explain how they just jumped out right in front of me and go to the poor animal as it lay on the road. She had died quickly, which was the only bonus I could find while I fought back the urge to cry. Her owners offered to pay for the damage

163 to my car, although I had not even thought about that yet. After we put the dog into their wagon to take home for burial, I apologized as best I could in a situation that no words can effect. On the way home I tried not to cry in front of my daughter and her friend, all the way wondering what that event was about. An hour or so after arriving home I started to see that it was a finalizing lesson to what I had been learning with Raven. The reminder being, sometimes there is nothing you can do. Sometimes you just have to accept that things will go a different way to what you would have wanted. Even though I already knew that, it was driven home with a force this time. One week later a small Wallaby jumped out onto the road in front of me, which gave me enough time to hit the brakes and watch the animal go under the car. I heard it roll once under the car and did not see it in the rear-view mirror in the cloud of dust from the dirt road. As soon as the car stopped I jumped out to look for the injured animal, I could see where it had impacted with the car, but there were no signs of the animal itself. My daughter and I spent half an hour searching for the Wallaby and did not find it. So I began to wonder why this had happened, I was travelling slowly on the road, was in the moment and not in my thoughts and still could not find an answer. My daughter said, Gee Dad, thats two now. I told her to not count them, I didnt want to have number three. Why was this happening? If I knew anything at all it was that everything happens for a reason. So what possible reason could this have, was it about my lifes direction? Was it my attitudes and behaviour? I was at a total loss to explain why these things had happened. The first accident with the Great Dane had been weird. The day I went to talk with the Dogs owners, I found that I was carrying a lot of emotional pain over the killing of this beautiful animal and I could not hide it no matter how hard I tried. Its definite in my mind that the people and animals involved in this accident were all contracted to be a

164 part of the event, but for what purpose? I had a damaged car, they had lost a prize show dog and we were all hurting. Honesty was also a victim that day, so I learned that most people still saw little white lies as being fine to use, and this was also one of the things I got to remember with Raven this time. There comes a time in our lives when we have to take stock. Ask ourselves what is really important. We have to be more honest then, than ever before. The reason for this is, now you have to be honest to your-Self. It is easy to be dishonest, it only takes a person the split-second to decide on being honest or not. Being honest is the hardest choice, as it is almost alien to our culture these days. So many people choose to be not-honest and most see it as nothing more than little white lies or information on a need to know basis. Total honesty, to Self and all others comes when you no longer fear not having some form of control. Without that control you need to be ready to own any truth within you, be prepared to own your worst points upfront. Being yourself is made easier by aligning with complete honest living. You may no longer fear what any-one thinks, nor care who knows what about you. You know you and that is more important. And you will find control is yours, not over other things, over the biggest thing in your life, You. If we choose to live completely honestly we learn self control and integrity. And these two attributes are sorely depleted in our world today. Predictably, the changing that was occurring in life was also mirrored inside by the raising of issues, one in particular that became ever present as an increasing feeling. This indicated to me that the time had come for me to take a good look at it. I really didnt want to though, it was such an intense feeling already and I knew it would be deeply anchored. So I avoided it as much as is humanly possible. Even when I made arrangements with a Lady who was well practiced in methods to help with this issue, I still avoided. I decided that the

165 way through this for me was to feel it and get serious about the tasks in this life. This would also be a way through the issue as it was about the doing and succeeding of these tasks. In the meantime the ladies and I were meeting for a weekly meditation and as each week passed I found that it was all heading towards the same things, doing the tasks here. This was some relief to me, seeing as I was doing it anyway and had plans to make it grow further. The lady with the healing methods turned out to be the one I was shown at the Akasha (Akashic Record) who was coming into my life while Raven walked away. At the Akasha I had seen her walk into the scene from behind me, as I was still looking in the direction Raven had taken. Lynn turned out to be someone who had shared a couple of lives with me and this time we would help each other again. As a friendship developed we found that we had similar friends in the astral and beyond, we even understood the same things in much the same way and recognized the sameness of our tasks in this life. Emotional and mental issues began to jump up for attention as we talked and spent more time together, each of us having memory flashbacks to times, events and issues in this life. Many times we would get the same white-light carried message or awareness, which I found to be extremely interesting as I was starting to actually see the light with my physical eyes while it came into us. Something big was happening behind the scenes and it was getting stronger, much stronger. I also reworked the journeys into a cohesive course, making it eight weeks long when done as a class of seven people meeting weekly. Flyers were designed, printed and posted all over the town. Each week I would check them, replace the removed ones and see how many phone number tags had been taken. As the week arrived for the classes to begin, I was so nervous and worried because no one had phoned about it. A week earlier I had journeyed to the Akasha again with the group

166 of ladies and been shown that the work needed to be begun through one of the already existing spiritual organizations. I wanted it to take off in the direction I had planned for it. In the end no one came for the class, and, I had an interesting discussion with a man who was in the process of changing his nature and behaviours. So I still had to learn to just accept the way I was shown to go instead of trying desperately to do it my way. The realization of this was instantaneous, and I knew then that I needed to just go and do it. But did this stop me from trying to go in a direction that I wanted with the work? No it didnt. In fact, my disappointments with the lack of interest in the course motivated me to modify it into something more palatable to those who search for truth. I made it a one day workshop, because the workshop format is what people seemed to want to do. At the same time I was beginning to see that most people do not really want to put any effort in to their awakening, in fact, they mostly seemed to want to be told the information they seek by Psychics and Mediums. While what I offered helps people to get into their higher awareness levels through their own efforts using very simple and effective methods. It really did appear that what I wanted to do here was an idea whose time had come, but it was advanced for the time and place I was trying to work it out. This left one other direction open to me before surrendering to the way I saw at the Akasha. Any ideas how the Workshop worked out? It didnt work. No one came. Then I knew that one way remained; the perfect path it seems. So I decided to check out the Free Energy Days at a hall in the town. Something interesting happened when we walked into the hall. We were treated as equals by the people we spoke with. That might not seem like a big deal to a lot of people, but for Lynn and I it was a breath of fresh air given what we had become used to by new age offerings. Lynn was about to fly out to journey in sacred spaces at the heart of Australia. Ulurus power brought a deep connection with the

167 Self, our abilities, and a deeper understanding of what supports us in our tasks here. We had discussed how the lady who was running the tour was actually a reptilian that had probed Lynn after establishing phone contact the night before her tour started. I felt the probing while showing Lynn how to mirror the connection back to its source, which worked very well and also gave ourselves away to this Dark One. The first time I went to offer my services at the hall, four people came to me for various things; each one was unique and tested my ability to go with the Flow. Funnily enough, the first was a strong willed and strong minded lady, a brilliant mind made sharp and lucid by her growing age. She got to experience meeting her main guide, even though they seemed to rub her up the wrong way, meaning she felt an Ego related thing. As expected, this lady got it instantly when I asked her, So you know now that the main guide is really you, the Higher-Self that You are? As the day progressed I found myself getting further into the warmth of my inner power, and felt the Helpers around the hall. It was a beautiful feeling for sure. One lady needed to know that she was strong, so I showed her how to bring in the Light and sit in it. She got to feel herself filling up with Light and handing me her pain from the very recent marriage separation, and she commented on how she had actually felt the pain leaving her. This was very nice work to be doing. The next lady had been driving past and saw the sign outside, so she came in looking for a Psychic to see if the daughter she couldnt contact on the phone was okay. You can bet I was looking around for someone else to do it. But there was no one else, there werent even any Tarot cards lying around. So I asked her just to think about her daughter so I could find her, while the energy helped me find the woman about to cross a street in a farnorth Queensland city. What I got from this connection was swift, I saw her daughter was angry with men because she had chosen poorly from the male-pool, was also happy with ending the ineffectual relationship she was in and she was okay. Then I

168 saw a little further ahead and there was another man about to come into her life. He wore dark green work shirts, was a hard worker and a genuine good guy. Babies came into view then, a girl first, followed quickly by a boy and all in the next two years. I told her what I saw and she left happily but rushed to get to her phone and check. Now I realized that I was not meant to close any options on what I am here to do, and I really should go with the flow more often. I could see the truth of an ancient Druid verse, Never name the well you wont drink from. Within the next week we were asked to clear a house of the remains from the passed over original owners. Strangely enough it was very easy to pick up on what was there from the moment we got out of the car in the driveway. I could smell a beautiful flowery aroma in the air and looked for the bush to see what the flowers were. There were no flowers anywhere in view along the street, and I realized it was the old tree next to the car hat was the source of the smell. We went into the house and I felt where a small child had been, knowing this was one we would help over. The work itself was interesting as Lynn and I worked with the house owner so she could see and learn from the experience. We even had a little old foxy terrier come to us so it could go with her owners. When finished I felt something else was there that needed us to come back to finalize within a couple of days. Lynn felt the overwhelming sensations that come with the first time we take the pain away from others, and I showed her the way to give it to the strong tree to ground. Yet, there was still something hanging onto her. And when we did finalize the work at that house, Lynn knew it to be the old lady having an emotional attachment through her to the remaining child. Next thing on the agenda was the UFO and Paranormal Research groups monthly meeting which I was to run in my capacity as president. Things went a little off course that night. During our discussion period we were following the question of,

169 What are the perceived differences between Soul and Spirit? I felt the power building around me and I was replying to Guidances input of thoughts in concept form, the only problem was with me actually speaking out loud when talking to them. Then the power peaked and I was explaining the things I knew to answer certain questions about the Universes possibility of being one god, as this Universe, and another Universe being a different god. Some people thought I was channelling, which I disagree with because I knew what I was saying and was aware of me saying it from my own experience. Did my old adversary Strange Things have more in store for us? Yes it surely did. Now we were asked to help two ladies who lived an hour away from us, who had reported something like Psychic Attack from those people who ran the local Spiritual Church in their area. We found many things were happening there on different levels, from the family abuse and control to Hooks being imbedded in the lady with the real problem. While dealing with the Hooks I was approached by a man who is involved with spiritual magazines, an Institute for esoteric workshops, Medium and Psychic development courses, and, was the same man Delise had been calling her Teacher. He was also the man behind the spiritual churches that I was avoiding becoming involved with because Instinct had demanded it of me. Later that night the man came to Lynns place in Spirit and attempted to hook me while his mother hooked Lynn. I eventually found a motivation to Love him for, while he worked at dis-empowering me. The motivation was; he is being used by higher powers that he wasnt fully aware of. From there it was easy to pour the Loving Light into him and watch him recognize something profound for himself. Lynn needed to have the hook removed from her, as it was cold to feel and she observed different thought patterns emerging in her mind. Now my sword came in handy as I cut the strings and then removed the hook, which left healing the damage done as the last thing needed to complete this contact. Our cover was

170 blown big-time and now we could not hide who and what we where, anymore. This was the final remembering in this stage of growth. To be who we are and to do what we came her for, without flinching or fleeing. It was Time to step up to the plate and not look back.

171

Being Your-Self.
"There is a big difference between knowing the path and walking the path."
- Unknown.

With this decision made, it was back to the drawing board to begin looking at what I really wanted for me in this life. To see if I could bridge the huge gap from where I am now in the world to where I desire to be, and the first step had to be in deciding what it was I wanted. That was the easy bit, because Id worked this one out a couple of years earlier as you may remember. Next was working it out on a plan to see what was do-able and what would be fantasy. Funnily enough, none of what I desired was actually fantasy. At a friend's Internet forum I read a reminder saying not to shrink back and minimize ourselves to save the comfort zones of others. I laughed about it because I had forgotten how true it was. So with this newly re-remembered truth in my hands I continued posting and did not shrink back when it came to absolute honesty about what we are as Soul. This required having to go outside my own comfort zones to achieve. Not surprisingly the words got jumped on here and there. And I made the silly mistake of forgetting another truth; that I am only responsible for planting seeds, not for insuring that they grow. My responsibility stopped when the seeds were planted. Lynn and I also began going to another weekly meditation circle with my friend Roma. This allowed us to work more with groups, which was what was needed in this time. It was during this we all did another journey to the Akasha to see what was there for us. Lynn and I both saw us up in the mountains near the rural town of Warwick, just a stones throw from the Great Dividing Range, and the year was 2006. This meant we really

172 had little time to do much else except organise ourselves more effectively and to go for a reconnaissance of the area. Christmas came and went as it does, followed immediately by the sign we all needed that things were getting much closer and time was now of the essence to do what had to be done. The massive earthquake and following Tsunamis that devastated huge areas on December 26, 2004 was the last thing I needed to see as it confirmed my knowing even further and left only one path to follow. With this in mind, Lynn, my daughter and I went looking for the area. We knew where to look but were not fully sure of how to go about it. We eventually followed the flow and found a house in a small country town that we both felt was about to boom, and we thought it a good idea to get in on the ground floor there before the place really took off. Little thought was given to how our perceptions may have altered the meaning of our seeing. A house was purchased, leaving us only with the need to get ourselves sorted and move all of our stuff. What was really happening? It seems like we were being led to what we were meant to do, and in the exact locations we were meant to do it in. It all happened so easily, everything just fell into place. We did know something important was going on behind the scenes, and we had let ourselves flow along with it and learned or remembered that this is how things work when it is meant to be. The house number was a nine, which brought up a feeling that I tried to ignore. It signified to me the end of many things and my concern was it would also mean the end of this new relationship. It was a possibility; one that I didnt want to look at. After the move, I felt an urge to offer psychic and medium services that I fought against as best as I could. It was something I had always closed off in myself because I had issues about other peoples perceptions on what these things meant and entailed, and, because my own seeds of doubt were

173 still there all these years later. To begin with I decided to see if I could just do the awakening methods with people, as I figured this was far more important to each person than simply giving people their answers for them. Do you remember me doing the same thing at free-energy days while living at Glastonbury? One day I went to Warwick in the hope of finding a place to offer these services, so it required me to allow spirit to guide me. Within ten minutes I had turned a corner and found a small new age gift shop glowing at me. After some exciting discussion with the shops owner, who we had been warned about before we moved, it was decided I could come and do what I wanted to at a new holistic centre that she wanted to open up next door. A number of things then presented themselves once the centre was up and running. Flyers were made up including all the services provided by the people who had offered to work there, which immediately brought a conflict when the owner claimed that another service provider with a Christian belief system wanted my spiritual offerings removed from all advertising. It was made so. Naturally I was concerned about the power one person could have over the rest of us who intended to work there, perceiving it as yet another injustice of bias. The only way for me to go was to make up my own flyers and continue offering services. Meditation classes were the next thing I offered and a circle quickly came into being. Once again the same problems from previous circles were apparent; mainly that most who attended didnt take their experiences seriously and seemed unable or unwilling to grasp the importance or value of what these things meant. Another thing arose during these meditation sessions, people who had died and as yet had not passed into the light were coming to the circle seeking to pass on messages and be assisted in their next step. I enjoyed this immensely, yet some others in the circle felt fear at the very thought of dead being there.

174 Soon enough I was presented with a dilemma, either to try and do what I wanted to or give up my resistance to doing the psychic and medium work and step forward. After some difficult times in the personal relationship I was sliding downhill again and Spirit chose this time to give me the ultimatum. I must have made the correct choice when deciding to drop the awakening services, for the time being, in favour of doing the psychic/medium stuff. Apparently this is what the centres owner had wanted from me and bookings started to come in more frequently. At the same time I had a brilliant idea to build on my growing knowledge of computers and offer repair services in the small town. In order to do this I needed to get up to speed and learn more about computers. This was achieved quite easily through further education. Once again I realized that I was cruising through the course, not studying and only doing what was absolutely required to get a competency grade that would bring the qualification I needed. Hindsight wasnt involved in this realization; I knew it as I did it. Somehow I felt that I was short-changing myself through choice. The relationship didnt last much longer, leaving me to ask myself if this was what I had been working towards. Yet I knew that it had not been my intention during the relationship and had wanted it to grow through the tough patches. I was sure the Akashic vision of two years with Lynn could be changed. At the same time there was a little voice in my head reminding me of a story Sante had told me during her reading way back in 1999, which had the important question of how much is enough? as its central theme. For me, enough had been reached and staying longer squashed the feelings I did have. The moment came to leave; I took it and began to feel my strength gradually recover. I was also aware that Lynn and I needed to stay friends for some higher purpose that I couldnt put my finger on. Further down the track I would begin to see what my issues were and how I may have played them out in the relationship.

175 My daughter had somehow grown up more and was now eleven years old, which I found confronting. How could she have grown up so fast in that two year time-frame? It was then that I realized my attention had been constantly on Lynn, for many various reasons and I had all but ignored my child. Now we were living in a small cabin at a caravan park and she needed more from me. I vowed to give what I could in the years she would remain with me. Yet, the atmosphere was depressing with no room for privacy or quiet, no place to yell if I needed to, no space I could call mine and the constant knowing that I was not in a position financially to do anything about it as I had nothing other than a new-second hand computer and the fifteen year old car Lynn had bought for us to explore the mountains. My own older car had been sold to finance the move to the area two years earlier. It was a darkish place for me at that time, although my daughter seemed quite happy most of the time. Now I was given another ultimatum from Spirit. Very simply, I was informed that I couldnt do both the computer business and the spiritual work. I had to choose one direction and do it wholeheartedly. The spiritual work won that toss. Now I was looking at advertising in regional towns to assess the demand and arranging accommodation as well as a place to do the work. This was going to cut deeply into my meagre income and if I was to keep the fee I charged to a minimum so that everyone could afford to come for these services, I would need to have at least ten bookings per day for the weekend to cover all the costs and make a little something for my efforts. Being rich wasnt my goal, I just wanted to do the work and make sure anyone could afford it. Although to not have to worry about where the money would come from to pay this or that would have been a blessing. Do you think there was something here for me to look at? What had been the overriding issues for me to remember? Firstly, I needed to remember that what you see at the Akasha or in vision are only possibilities and probabilities

176 that our actions can change. So in each moment we do have the power of choice, the power to change what we do. We certainly have the power to decide how we will feel at any moment, since it is our thoughts that give birth to our feelings; believe it or not. It also seemed I needed to remember that our needs really are met, even if we dont think they are. Thats a hard one to get your mind around when you are forced to sit still for days because you have no money to do anything, and you still have bills to pay with no idea how you are going to do it. Timing was the next thing I remembered, that all things come in their own time. And I started to wonder if some things are a probable percentage of destiny. You readers know I dislike the concept of Destiny because everything is made inevitable by it. The things in particular I thought about were those we seem to have no control over in the bigger picture. Piece by piece I saw a clearer, bigger picture emerge, one where choice in the moment and destiny may be merged to form the life-flow. This works if we consider destiny to be the things we chose to experience in this life and not as something we have to experience. More reminders began to flood in. Sante had told me I was not to give my power away when I got into this relationship; yet I had at the very start and it was to create many problems that couldnt be overcome. We tend to think of things as obstacles for us to triumph over, yet some are created so that they eventually change the course or flow. This was one of those course changing obstacles and I had needed to experience this reminder to know completely that it was something I had almost always done in relationships. Of course there had been bright moments when I had tried to take my power back, and while I had recognized this at those times and felt the strength within myself again, I had always allowed myself to fall back into that same rut.

177 The control aspects of feminine wiles and perceived male-dominance are something that Id always had difficulty with due to the fact that my own up-bringing lacked any learning about human interactions. It can be a debilitating thing. Trying to make someone else happy when it seemed that nothing you could do was good enough unless you did exactly what was wanted and did it how they wanted it done. These control aspects use a few distinct tools; the Victim, which solicits sympathy and thereby flows power to them; the Interrogator, which forces you to answer for everything you do or dont do and therefore flows power to them; the outright Controller, which gives ultimatums and undermines you to make power flow to them. Lastly the most seditious weapon of all is the giving or withholding of sex, which is used against most males and many women on the face of this planet to gain control where other forms may not be successful. Those who do really need to give up this intense desire to have total control by any means. In fact, most males do use the same or similar avenues to gain control, although might is right seems to be the most prominent avenue. Males tend to think in old fashioned ways when it comes to relationships. We seem to still hold on to the old concept of being King of the Castle, with many using physical and emotional control mechanisms to continue this outdated concept. Its a comfort zone thing that most men havent worked through yet. Change is scary for guys too. I was often told in this time that I only needed to have faith, everything was as it should be, have faith that it will all work out. Well I knew things always worked out one way or the other, but I really wanted them to work out and be the outcomes I felt I needed. Always being broke, getting further into debt because you have to borrow money to make up your shortfalls, isnt my idea of working out! I was aware that the financial situation was helping me to move away from some habits, so it was in my highest interests, it just wasnt fun. All Id had left for me were cigarettes and take-away foods. And this was the

178 problem over the previous few years, I had thought of pot and cigarettes as things for me, the last remnants of my normal life, the last things I hung on to. Now I was being forced to give everything up. It seems the German lady at Grey Wolfs sweat lodge was very correct; spirit takes absolutely everything from you. While I could understand this process from a higher perception, I was desperately in need of something remotely similar to my concept of normality, something just for me, anything to help me feel like I was part of this society. I know it sounds stupid since I do dislike the way our society is and the way we live in the world, yet it is a hard thing to live outside of normal society. Right at this point my phone rang, and I was asked to go and do a reading for a woman at the centre. Of course I went and was presented with another person who was having such similar things happening to make her awaken and step up to the plate. Spirit really does give you what you need! I was able to help her by sharing my own experiences and assisting her to have her own Guide introduction, which again told me to take my own medicine. Again I had to ask myself how often did I need to have these same reminders and why was I making it so hard for me? These would have to be the acts of a truly stupid person, and it illustrated to me that I really hadnt changed that much over the previous thirty years in spite of all the truly wonderful and amazing experiences I had been blessed with. Somewhere I had lost the flow again, the plot had gone right out the window and I was floundering, or wallowing, depending on your perspective. Its funny how I could help other people to find direction and answers yet seemed totally unable to do the same for myself. The fact that I hadnt been journeying or working with guidance on my own path was something that stood out to me like the proverbial dogs testicles. Once again the messages I was getting were being ignored. And it truly surprised me that I would have allowed myself to continue to do this. Again I was at the same crossroad I had been at when I was eighteen years old, where I had put myself into a deep rut because I refused to

179 walk the path and wanted to do what I wanted to do. Free will is a strange thing and my stubbornness is genetic! A lot of the new age material you can read about free will states that since we are one, co-creating, we are able to choose anything; absolutely anything. I beg to differ. For a few years I had been thinking about free will, I wrote many posts about it in forums seeking some form of clarification on it but always got the same accepted line of thought. Because the slowly growing concept I was coming to clarity on is vastly different to the accepted views, I was not able to find anyone who could help me come to terms with it. For me free will didnt mean we could choose anything, it was more about us only being able to choose from the options we included in our life-plan before coming into the world. I even had a mental picture of the life-plan as a tube-like matrix or structure filled with criss-crossing and intersecting lines, each representing possible and probable options to change direction and make things manifest within that whole framework. Meanwhile, the chooser is freely floating along towards the one inevitable finality of bodily death. While it allows us to change track at millions of points within the overall framework, it does not include many choices if we didnt plan to have them in this life. So it was similar to how we plan out our holidays, we choose where we want to stay and what activities we want to experience while taking the vacation, but it may not allow us suddenly leave the holiday and fly to the other side of the world on a whim. This was my dilemma; I wanted to be able to choose something different to what this lifes plan had included, and, I didnt want things forced onto me because of my Soul path. And I wanted to be able to make the choices in my own time, when I felt ready. Omissions in those new age concepts stood out to me. They mostly hit the mark where our higher realities are concerned, and also in the statement that we as humans do have

180 the power to make changes. What was missing from their concepts was Mechanism and Agreement or abiding. That there are astral planes existing in higher vibrational layers beyond this third dimension is a truth and one that most of us do not argue over, yet most arent aware that the astral isnt everywhere in the Universe. It can only occupy ranges that resonate at those specific vibrational rates and the higher vibrations exist alongside and beyond those limited planes. The astral layers are mechanical means by which we souls agree to enter the process of experiencing 3D worlds. We agreed to abide by the laws of this mechanistic system in order to experience what is on offer. Because of this we cannot choose anything that goes against those mechanisms and the laws they operate under. But we can make positive our thoughts to effect manifestation and also grow into our own higher awareness, toward soul, and find the way that we can be that here in the 3D and make a difference. And this was the bind that I found myself in, how to be my-Self in this world in the here and now? Another lady came to the centre for a reading and within a short time I realized that she too was one of the thousands awakening to their Souls purpose for this life in this particular time. As Id done with a few other people, I asked her some very pointed questions, knowing that the responses would lead into reminding her of what she really knew already about the bigger scheme of things, why she was here and why she was experiencing such difficulty with every aspect of life. Again it was also my own medicine. This knowledge didnt actually make anything easier; it only served to make us feel a bit better about it all. Something else was happening. Questions people were asking during the readings etc, built up from direction and answers type to more important issues. The next client asked me if her fianc was going to die. In that moment I wondered about the outcome and quickly remembered not to get emotionally

181 involved. I saw that after a struggle he would undergo an operation to cut out the effected part of his liver. And he would survive. After the lady left the centre I hoped it was the right answer. During this timeframe some earlier customers reported success with the information that came through me. One early prediction was, one main partner in the business would leave in about six months; this happened and I was told, Its exactly six months and three weeks since you said it. I had some trouble with my perception of Responsibility relating to answering the clients increasingly important questions, and it was something that needed to be dealt with within myself. What was obvious to me, surprisingly, was the feeling of just being me and going with what I got when it came. This pointed to another thing to look at, the just being me bit. The key was the Feeling of it. Fairly obviously, this was the direction of energy flow, and I was finally starting to see it. I had always fought to do things my way, even if circumstances didnt allow; meaning the flow wasnt going that way. Lessons I already new were being replayed in my mind, urging me to remember what I knew. Sounds silly, yet each of us do the same thing. Most times we ignore it out of habit. Yes, one habit I had for sure was not letting me be me. Not without deep analysis beforehand and usually for some time after. Oops. We all do that too. Way down underneath all our learned habits there is a movement going on as larger cycles and energy fluctuations occur around and through us. We are being urged, more than ever before, to Awaken and see what we Remember on the inside. All the growing feelings over the previous eight or nine years of urgency, as if time was running out, made fresh impact on me now. Inside I knew that the things I had Seen were a lot closer, mainly because that amount of years had passed since my becoming aware of them! Time did look short to me then. How long?, I wondered, because I wasnt fit by any standard and it would take six to twelve months to reach what I thought was a

182 necessary fitness level. Time ladies and gentleman, please. say the cosmic cycles. Its as if we must or will accelerate the rate we are dealing with our own Issues. There was another quality to it, and I saw it was obvious because I already knew it. Many people are awakening more quickly by letting go and allowing things to flow, rather than slogging through their baggage to get clear. We will still move through our issues, but the pace is so much quicker as if wed all jumped into a pressure cooker. Acceleration is occurring, the flow is the force behind our Awakening and we cant deny it any longer. The cycle which began with the start of this chapter was now to coming to its fruition, and in doing so it clearly illustrated the speeding up process around us. Going with the flow was the message of two years ago and now it was reiterated by coming full circle. Much more understanding was growing as I finally started to get it. A huge life-change was in order for us all, although each of us would go through it in our own time and in our own ways. We all avoid the inner niggling we feel, and most of us choose to stay in our comfort zone. This is normal life, and we are now being urged to grow out of the Cultural Dream, to wake up and be the great soul that we are. To be your-Self. And all we really need to do is allow it, let it happen by our choosing. Remember to look at everything from your higher perspective; your own bigger picture. Let yourself feel things completely as they happen and avoid creating or strengthening existing baggage issues. Growth is natural change in-motion; it is inevitable because there is nothing you can do to stop change. So we are left with one option, to go with it and see what it has to offer us, to see what growth is being supported and to allow ourselves to actively take part in it. As the old saying goes, When only one path remains it is the perfect path. Coming to

183 this understanding was a massive effort over many years. Even though I had always known this as a mental-concept, I didnt really Know it until I began to experience it. Living it mindfully might require far more from me and again some old habits fought against their deaths. Weeks were rapidly passing into months, again. Readings were picking up and I started to wonder if I should make some more changes to the way I do the work, because I felt that some were not as effective as they could have been. Sometimes I seemed to work hard and other times it would all come together. Yet it was the harder ones that made me wonder about the way I did them. A new thought came to me as I wrote this; each reading is highly personal and maybe many couldnt conform to my way of doing it. It seemed that I needed to bring my new go with the flow lesson into focus during readings. How typical of me, to try and make it happen my way. How typical of Spirit to agree to bringing it into my experience to remind me, again. If this book is to be remembered for anything it may only be for the cycles of behaviour and choice/options it illustrates have occurred while I was not taking up the issues and making the necessary changes. One particular reading was very different; as I knew the lady client had a vast store of knowledge and could express things without any attachments to belief-systems. What a gift she had, although, she didnt really believe this about herself. Does that sound familiar? I was unable to give her answers that said, You must do this or that... . So the lady felt more confused after her reading which is a fairly unusual result for me so far. I wanted to charge her half-price, hug her, and a billion other things all that the same moment. Well I got as far as getting a hug from her but forgot to get a contact number or arrange the reduced fee. During the reading I kept getting blanks, whole minutes where I got absolutely nothing for her. But I had soldiered on trying to make it work and get some response, to do it my way. And this perfectly illustrates that I

184 wasnt joining the flow at all. Today I feel I would like to have shared the white light method with her and maybe a guide introduction if needed. So it seemed obvious to me that I was missing the boat you could say. Just this moment I have sat down to write about something that happened only five minutes ago. As I was standing on my veranda I had a sudden realization and it was made more real by the feeling of warm energy coursing through my heart. Spirit told me, You are here to give Love. Knowing this was true, I had a moment. It was then backed up by a second helping of that energy boost. The message was repeated clearly. So I had another moment. Next thing I know memories are running through my mind. Times with my daughter when I wasnt as loving as I would have liked to have been, times in my childhood when I learned behaviours from elders, times when I had been loving and how it had felt to me. I missed that I couldnt hold my little daughter as I used to because she was grown from two or three to be an eleven year old looking forward to turning twelve. Whoosh, came a feeling of how I should have given her more hugs, shown her how to do things beyond the basics and been more generous in my interactions with her. A rewarding feeling came with the concept that I still had some time to teach my daughter what she needed to help herself. Another feeling opened me up a little so that I could feel the other people in the area and how I loved them too. Message three came in saying something along the lines of, You are to give Love. Show it, and do it. Succeed. I was still feeling The Feeling, so those final words may not be an exact replica but the meaning is there. With this in mind I began to change the way I interacted with others, my daughter responded immediately and became less argumentative. The readings really flowed when I stopped trying to make it go by how I do the readings. Instead, it was replaced with the knowing that this is how I started doing the

185 readings in the first place, working with what came to me. And today I realized that an old mental program was still running in the subconscious, all by itself, that allowed me to wait until its too late to walk through a door that has just opened to an opportunity. I thought then and was able to remember that Id done that a million times already. It sure seemed like the time had come to dispense with that rather large issue and one way to do that is to be aware that you now know this about yourself and Action something different. Show by your choices that it has no place in your life now. You will discard the need for it. Now I needed to make some phone calls, post off those articles I wrote for a new age magazine, get the working with guides course actually running since there was easily enough people now to run two classes a week. Boy, had I been letting opportunity go its own way without me. That wasnt being Self. Its said that we come to know what we are by experiencing all that we arent, yet I see it now as the simple process of awakening to being the balanced Highest Self you can be here. We come to know what we are by being and evolving through all the things that make us up, even the things we dont like about ourselves. Lynn and I have taken over the old centre, jazzed it up and gave it a new name. Right from the start it is more successful than the old centre with the previous owner, and I take that as an affirmation that we are on track. While I work doing readings and mediumship I also get to teach the guide course that hadnt taken off when I tried it before. This time it is working well in small groups where we can work through whatever blocks and issues the students experience while learning how they open up and connect to higher guidance for them Selves. Im learning more about how to work with individuals in small groups when they are working at different stages to others in the group. While I do understand higher knowledge, it doesnt stop me from learning more about

186 practical and effective ways to assist people in working through to clarity. At the same time I am learning to adjust my theories and perceptions according to new information that resonates with me. An example would be my theory about the life matrix and free will, which has been undergoing alterations recently due to watching a movie called The Secret. This film brought a heap of separate realizations that I had over a few years and made them gel into a cohesive whole that felt very much like a YES. Because of this the theory had to be modified to mesh with this concept so I could see how it fits together in an even bigger picture. The alterations still dont allow for us to choose absolutely anything, but it does allow for us to manifest experiences that work within the overall life-framework; like creating abundance instead of lack, etc. The upshot of all this is that I am working along the path, being aware of that, learning and sharing what I learn with others for their personal growth, and very slowly merging closer to being my Self through these processes and growth opportunities. Finally, learning to be me has taken all my 46 years of this life, so far, even though I was already being me when I was a small child! What we forget is as important as what we dont forget, just as what we dont do is as critical as what we actually do. Be in the moment of now and be aware, then you will be closer to being your true self, at least you will show that you are open to the possibility. Within weeks I found something important inside me. Something I could connect to at any time. During the time on my veranda when spirit gave me more direct insight into my lifes tasks, I was given something to strengthen me. This appeared in my minds eye as a framework of gold that supported and integrated unconditional love within me. From that moment on I found that all I had to do to change my feelings was to

187 focus for a second on the area near my heart charka. What I get is an immediate filling-up of a loving feeling that spreads and radiates outwards. For the first time since I was a teenager, I became unreasonably happy, meaning that for no reason that was external to me, I felt joy. And when I walk along the street I find this has become a natural way for me to be, just as I was many years ago. It is my hope that the contagion of a loving smile effects others who see the smile, notice the look in the eyes and then smile also as they go on with their walking. During all my Journeys over these many years, I found that Love really was the answer to every situation, and now I intend to live my life according to this most simple knowing. I intend to be myself, the soul that I am. Because of the difficulties left over from the recent relationship, I was not able to work at the new shop for long and seven months after opening I had to leave. This left me with wondering what I was going to do. It took a few months to deal with the negative bombardment that I was under at that time. But, it illustrated first hand for me that directed hatred does have a profound effect on a person and one needs to work at it to find the most effective method to deal with it. I used the mirroring method and found relief immediately, as well as seeing clearly how the negativity was being communicated. It drained my energy, making me feel seriously depressed and ill. Once I recognised these effects, I was then able to handle it and work on how I felt each day. This was a great learning period for me. Another thing came to my awareness at this time. My work was also in a stage of growth. The psychic readings evolved into counselling sessions based around the activity I perceived in the clients chakra. This was a new phenomenon for me and I found I could more easily connect to the person, although that doesnt mean I flowed with it! There were still times when I played dumb because I doubted the information and insights I received during the sessions. Often I wondered

188 why I did that. I know we all doubt ourselves at times, and that without an over-active ego controlling things I was prone to self-doubt, still. So this became the indicator for more growth where I would not doubt what Spirit provided me with when working with clients. Again this pointed towards the acceptance of the inner self being the one who really knows best. And so I tried to flow with this push to be my-Self. At this time I am working freelance while building the work up again. In the shop I saw eighty-six clients and so far being freelance is slow due to not having a place for clients to come. So I am doing house-calls for work and this has begun to open other doors for me, although at this point in time I do not know for sure where this will lead. Honestly, any concerns are of secondary importance to me right now. I wanted to become involved in psychic expos and the like because I see them as steps towards expanding and working with larger numbers of people in symposiums and this may be the direction things are heading. In small groups about one or two people really get it, so I imagine that larger groups of people could provide an increase in the number of those who do get it. I foresee that the energy developed in larger groups of one hundred or so could power-up the experience of more people and so increase the success rate. So this is the direction I am looking, getting into the mainstream to do more work and assist more people to experience directly and begin to awaken to their higher self. In so doing more people will start the process of being them-selves. Being ourselves includes doing what we know to be most effective for us in as positive a way as we could. Physical, mental and emotional strength are of great importance to being what you really are in this chaotic world. If you think of the weight we carry in our Baggage, it shows us how important it is we get clear on all that, so we can do what we are here for.

189 The Nike Company said it all, Just do it. It really is that simple, and, it really is trade-marked by the company.

190 Part Two: Keeping it Simple

Beliefs.
Believing in things is something we all do. We believe in many things without finding out for ourselves if they are valid, we just accept a few of the beliefs on offer. Over the years I began to wonder if every belief system one could choose was a box of beliefs. If they were, then they must have a boundary where the beliefs end. Historically, every culture had its own set of beliefs to do with our spiritual nature. Now of course, we can choose from any of those belief systems, we can check them out and decide which one comes closest to what we think. Then TA-DA, youve got yourself a Belief System in a Box, just like a new stereo unit. And you get to have a good experience with it, well, at least until you get to the boundary; read as stereo warranty runs out. Eventually I came to the conclusion that this was an observable phenomenon. I saw it in everyone, everyday. People attached to various belief systems for a variety of reasons, and most are indoctrinated into the belief-systems that are prevalent in the culture. These indoctrinated beliefs form the basis of our culture and therefore the foundation for our lives. This is why we have so much difficulty looking into other offerings that compete for our ability to believe in them, and why so many people think that others are crazy if they have different beliefs. Belief requires no effort from you. It demands that you accept everything it has to say about life, its purpose and beginnings. It is easier to believe than to put in the effort to find out for ourselves! Life is so much easier for us if we accept the cultural beliefs we are born into, and go about our day to day life not looking beyond the boundaries. Even if we had the luxury of time to look, most people would not put in the effort needed to get to the bottom of it because modern life requires all

191 our attention in mindful and mindless ways so that we dont have the energy or inclination to look. Sammy the soul showed us this same problem, although he had the courage to look outside the box of his culture. And, he was rewarded with unimpeded growth, even though it also put him at odds with the world of man around him. We recall Sammy got a little down about it then. It seems odd to me that almost everyone wants to have a box of their own, if that box comfortably fits with some other people's boxes. Very few people are breaking out of the traditional and newly-contemporary moulds. What is worse, people argue over which box is the correct one. As if any one box of beliefs could be the right one. We know we do this, we even know better inside, but it doesn't stop many people. "Gimme that box of beliefs on East meets West spiritual foundations please". Through my own experiences over more than 20 years, conducted without expectations and pre-formed beliefs about what I should and should not believe I came to an understanding that this Box business was very human, and that the time had come to help end its reign here. I realized that all of the old belief systems and most of the new-ish ones had no place of reference for where we are heading. In short, they are mostly out of date now. Sure, some pieces of each system are valid; we know each has a part of the whole GEM inside it. So we need to find the gems that work, and completely discard all the rest. Wow, no belief systems, that could be very intense to have to stand as if naked in the light of our Soul's nature. It would be confronting to most people and not at all comfortable. In order to grow beyond our belief system's boundaries we will need to discard the Box and all, so we can start fresh on being and experiencing what is for each of our souls. And maybe we will find each little what is could be the same for us all at the same awareness 'levels'.

192 For me, knowing from direct experience is more effective for growth and understanding than just believing. Even now, people think I am talking about my beliefs when I share knowledge from my experiences. There is a huge difference between knowing and believing. Most of us never look at what we believe, and more importantly, why we believe what we do. We simply accept the beliefs of our culture and leave it at that. I suppose this is more about trying to get people to challenge what and why they believe what they do. To ask them to try stepping out of the Box and just experience for yourself without forming beliefs about it. After all, who really knows? For all we do know, The Matrix may have been an insight into our humanlife reality. In some ways it is. Only you have the choice to change that.

193

Perception Boundaries.
While we think about the bigger pictures we can run out of Perception when coming to the boundary of our own understanding. Its usually up to faith in a belief system to fill in the blanks as the pictures grow larger. While some of us can feel content with this scenario, many of us want to know more. There are a vast array of different offerings from around the world to fill those needs; we read channelled messages that grow in number by the truckload, we get readings done to seek our own answers, we read books and articles from famous authors, we practice a variety of religions, we seek growth in meditation and now we have the luxury to choose what belief system matches our concept of the bigger pictures. Through this we grow, and we add more weight to the belief systems we attached ourselves to. Historically, most of the belief systems we accept have been mechanisms for cultural growth in societies; they took us from feudal cultures to our modern lifestyles. Since those beliefs replaced the ones existing before them, we could wonder if our belief systems are to be replaced. All ages and belief systems have boundaries. Today we dont have that pressure to conform to belief systems, or do we? Ive known four people in my life who arent attached to historically accepted belief systems or any of the new age ones on offer. The experience of non-attachment to beliefs is a lifelong affair giving different perspectives and new grounds to perceive from. So looking at accepted belief systems shows their boundaries or limitations as much as their similarities. If belief systems have limitations to what you can or should experience, then they dont allow you to see the bigger pictures. This is also true for new age offerings where much on

194 offer does not empower people; yet provides valuable, but short-lived, feel good experience. This is giving the poor man a fish to eat. Many offerings have belief systems attached to them. Some are similar to what we know historically. Some are new, in comparison; offering angels, aliens and any number of ascended beings in a wide range of names and origins. One famous channelled being claims to be incredibly ancient at 35,000 years old, and thereby has a higher spirituality over us lesser beings. Personally, I find this a hilarious state of affairs when at 35,000 years of age this being is really just an embryo in the bigger pictures. There is much disinformation out there. And this is perfect for the times we live in when, there will be many false prophets in those days. We are told to discern when thinking about what belief system we want to attach to. Be vigilant in your discernment. I think Bruce Lee said it best, Use what works for you and throw away the rest. Experience has shown that the simplest methods, with no belief attachments, can be very effective for spiritual growth in awareness. This allows you to go as far as you intend, beyond the boundaries of belief systems. Then the poor man becomes the fisherman who feeds himself, and then shows others how to fish for themselves. At the start of this book we were introduced to a very big perception of what you are, as a Soul, and what mechanics may be involved in entering into life in this world. Now we will look at the opposite end of the spectrum to see how most of us came to have the perceptions we hold so dearly to. We know that two people can look at the same object and both will see it differently! Doesnt that seem a little odd to you? I liken it to moths looking at a light, each moth has a slightly different angle of view to the light and so each moth

195 will perceive that light slightly differently to every other moth. But, if one moth chose to sit with the light and observe all the other moths then we could say this one moth is able to perceive a clearer picture of the whole scenario. We could also say that all of us humans are like those moths, and that occasionally one of us will observe the bigger moth picture and most of the other moths will not believe you because they dont have a basis to understand from. If you live in a western culture then you may find that as a whole we have fairly homogenised perceptions of the world, this also applies to other cultures too but we are focussing on our culture at this point in time. Why are our perceptions homogenised? How has this happened, you may ask. To find answers to these questions we have to look at the processes we have grown up with that created our perceptions in the first place. From the time you were born you have been learning; you learned how to get the attention of your parents when you needed and wanted it. Of course your parents taught you from birth that the universe revolves around you, and then they spent the rest of your life trying to teach you that it doesnt. And so far all of this has happened well before you started school! You were told that this or that is not the right behaviour, and you heard the word no so often that it may have been the first word you spoke to your parents. Yes, your homogenisation started at home before you cold even speak your mind with any clarity so that people could understand what you really meant by the things you said. Most of you will have had such a wonderfully natural ability to perceive clearly at a very young age, until your socialisation process began. At this point we were like Pavlovs dogs, the things we wanted came about if we gave the right responses and of course we didnt get many things because we did not show the appropriate behaviour in order to be rewarded with what we really wanted. Dont forget though, that you were still operating as if the universe revolved around you. But, this

196 was not your fault, nor was it your parents fault because they were just operating from the procedures that they were taught during their socialisation processes. The closer you got to school age the more this indoctrination process deepened, so that your actions would fall within an acceptable range and you could then be moulded into a useful member of society. You may have had imaginary friends, and if you did you may have found that you werent able to see them any more after a certain age that related to the time you were in the first few years of schooling. At school you were right in the thick of the indoctrination/socialisation process and you altered most of your behaviour to fit in with the rest of the kids, and you eagerly did this so you would not be left out of things. Who could blame you? Nobody wants to feel like a misfit, an outcast, marginalised or viewed as a fringe-dweller that doesnt fit with our society. We all want to belong. So now we are starting to perceive that we have been indoctrinated into the social conditioning required by our western culture; weve been made to fit a mould, one that only allows for us to look at what our society finds acceptable, and does not allow you to look for long beyond the accepted beliefs and patterns. In a sense we could say it is like living inside a box where we arent able to perceive anything that exists outside of that box. Everything our society has indoctrinated us into believing is inside that box, it is safe, comfortable and reassuring for us, and in this way we become more content to stay in that comfort zone. I am not saying that our society is to blame for everything, although when we open our eyes and look at the world today we are better able to see just where our society is leading us, thats if we have the time to look while we speed through everyday in the chase for more of everything. What things did we learn from this indoctrination or socialisation process? Some of the things we learned can be

197 stated in this way; we are small and insignificant things in the bigger picture, we have no real power to make changes that arent sanctioned by our powerful leaders, we have fewer and fewer rights as individuals, we have been raised in societies based on one belief-system, we have a cultural imperative to follow in the footsteps of those who came before us, and we are mostly denigrated if we speak out against the indoctrination and homogenised perceptions. But what is the main homogenised perception for most of us? Could it be we are indoctrinated into believing that the meaning of life for us little people is this; you get an education, leave school and get a job, get married, have 2.5 children and a massive mortgage that can force you to stay in the same lowpaid job so you can afford the over-priced house, which your children are expecting to be given when you die, and at sometime you will retire to enjoy the good life when you are too old to enjoy the things you dreamed of? I for one think this cultural dream needs some modifications to it that allows for something else we can choose. Presently, the only other option is to go against the grain so that you have little or no material possessions and may well end your life as a bag-person, a homeless street bum with no chance of ever making your way back to the mainstream. There is no middle ground. Are we then not that different to other cultures we see as oppressive? Can we modern westerners even see another option for those who wish to break the mould? It would be fair to say we dont allow much room in the dream for those who want to do things differently; in fact, I think that a little deviation is acceptable in our society but only to a certain extent. After that you will have no other option than to be perceived as opposing the cultural expectations and thwarting your own chance at the dream. A few things are at play here so that most of us will keep to the well worn path we might call normal. Even after our indoctrination processing,

198 we are barraged with images of normalcy through the T.V. and every other media avenue so that we are always reminded of the proper path for us westerners. As parents we are bombarded by our children to work within those oppressive confines of normalcy, as they believe that they need all the trappings of modern life and so put their efforts into making us tow the line so that they can be normal in their culture. Do you see how much pressure we are all under? Wouldnt you like to have a break from all that pressure? I would. If we think about it, the indoctrination process is alive and well in our schools, religion is taught as a subject which makes the smaller kids think the people exposing them to religion are actually school teachers and so they must be right in what they say! It works this way; get them while they are young, mould them, bring them to the belief that you want them to have and never allow them to have the slightest opportunity to look outside that box while they live under your roof! So where are the religious instruction teachers for Buddhism, Taoist philosophy, Islam and the other various religious offerings? There arent any you say. Why not? Why is religion even taught in schools when it is the job of parents to awaken their children to the spiritual side of existence? And, how many parents are there who could adequately offer an expansive view of spiritual reality so that their kids can make more effective choices for their soul? Very few indeed who havent been indoctrinated and are more than content to tow the cultural expectation-line. We are lost for choice, even though we think we live in an expansive culture offering us all a wide choice for life options to choose from. In reality, we are allowed to think that we have a great number of choices and we are frowned upon if we look outside the accepted box for too long, even though in our western culture we do have more options than our grandparents did. But, the control still only allows for a specific degree of variation before it starts to shut doors in your face.

199 Have you not noticed the dramatic loss of individual freedom that we as a race have really only had in the past 30 years or so? Doesnt that seem like we are handed something on one side and it is taken away from us on the other side? Are you happy to let this continue? If you were raised in a society that allows you to consider anything outside its box of beliefs then you could choose to be an artist even if your family didnt have the money to send you to art school, because the society would assist you in reaching your dreams. The society would know how important it is for each person to feel as if they can achieve what-ever it is they are driven to do, and in so doing that society would benefit from supporting people who wish to make a difference and achieve something that would also be valuable to the society. Everyone would be able to pursue their inner goals, to rise up to their biggest picture of themselves and in so doing I think societies would find great benefits like the absence of crime. If crime is the result of people who feel left out and wanting in a society that does not care about them, that makes no allowance for improving their lot, then a society that loves and cares for all the people should be basically free from the majority of crime. It makes sense doesnt it? At this point we can see that it is our societies and the imperatives of our cultures that keep us locked into the mould. We see that we have been indoctrinated into certain ways of thinking and that thinking is specifically designed to keep us dis-empowered as the little souls it says we are. And we can see what some changes could provide for our societies, to see the benefits of doing things differently to how they have been done in the past. While the examples in this chapter have been pretty basic, they do help us to see a clearer jigsaw puzzle by providing a different perception. The next chapter explores where these indoctrination processes are leading us if we all do nothing to change it now.

200

Where are we going?

An article & presentation from 2000.

It may be time for every person to ask themselves, Where are we going? Its certainly time to take a look at the world as it is now, noticing the effects of long term human occupation. We can already see that the system is faltering under its own weight. Our present methods have generated problems that we still havent found suitable solutions for, so the system slowly bogs down in the muck of its own making. But this isnt anything unusual, all cultures before us reached their peak and declined in due course, so why should ours be any different? The way we go about living on the Earth is obviously not going to continue forever. The always more is running out. If it is not sustainable its not viable. In some far of day will we also go the way of the Dinosaurs? Or are we going to make some changes first? We are faced with questions. Do we want things to change or are we content to let everything run its course? What could we do about it? And if we are going to make changes for our future, which ones, when and who is going to do it? Do we have enough time to make effective changes so that our great grandchildrens children can live and prosper in a healthy way? I would like answers to all my questions, like this one; why does the majority of Earths population have the least say in where we are going? The sheer numbers of that majority could easily take the steps needed to make important changes now. You only need one thing to start with, Unity. My idealistic theory is that we can achieve unity by understanding that we really are the same, despite our apparent differences. We are all Human Beings, People. We are all in this boat together so we all need to row together. The benefits of sharing as a global

201 community far outweigh our traditional system with its limited individual benefits. Weve all heard about Globalization in the past few years, where a very small percentage of the worlds population will reap the largest rewards while reducing real incomes and conditions for the rest of us. Its Market Globalization, driven by the desire to further increase the personal wealth of the few. So why dont we change it? Lets make it a humanitarian globalization that puts the needs of the people, and the world that supports us, before Net Profits. Ok, how do we do that? I do not know all the answers, but I can tell you this. It wont happen if we do not make it happen soon. If we are to reach unity we must put aside some of our personal wants in order to serve the beset interests of the whole. That is a difficult issue in our present societies, particularly in the west. To do this takes a maturity that seems beyond the capabilities of Governments and the elite power-brokers who still cling to the outmoded idealism of Might is right. Well might is not right and the proof for this is that most people on the face of this planet still live in medieval poverty! And it is this way because not enough people stood up to change it, we let it happen. If it hasnt worked effectively for all people in the last five to ten thousand years, why are we still doing it? We know when large groups of people unite for a cause that great things can happen, so why arent we getting together in huge numbers to bring real change? For how much longer will we choose to let other people suffer because of our choices? Most of us know that in many countries people are forced into debilitating work to support our lifestyles and culture, yet we still let it happen. At the same time some of us are recognizing that our lifestyles are becoming more suppressed by those in power. Most people are having a hard enough time now just surviving in what has been an increasingly more hostile environment. And it is hostile. You only need to look at the

202 world-wide scale of changing weather patterns, increasing economic woes and the deepening rifts between various cultures, races and nations. People are still starving, we still pollute the Earth in increasing amounts every year, we still rely on fossil fuels for our energy when that technology is clearly outdated and still too few people are standing up for change. There are so many messages for change that you would think everyone must have seen or heard about it by now. Some messages do get heard, some are watered down for our consumption by the governments and many messengers are silenced by the very government agencies that are meant to protect them! This sounds like human history in a nutshell, and it is. Wouldnt this imply the need for change as soon as possible? If we take a short look at our environment we see that many problems exist, some are not our doing but the rest is, and none of those problems have effective solutions. Left unchecked these problems can and will have detrimental effects on us humans if it isnt already, and we do know now that it really is. These problems include nuclear leftovers; a billion other toxic creations; dead and dying waterways, rivers and lakes as well as the removal of Earths Lungs, the forests. We think we are so clever that we discovered nuclear power, made it a weapon and used it twice on other human beings then decided it was safe to use in electricity production. Smugly, we built the power stations and hoped to discover how to decommission them before we needed to, of course we didnt learn how to do it so it would last as long as the radiation, so we use stop gap measures that might last one hundred years. Witness the fact that measures taken to isolate the Chernobyl reactor are already breaking down and posing a new threat to human safety. Meanwhile, scientists argue over the existence of all the problems while governments turn a blind eye for a while longer and indirectly fund half the scientific debate. And yes, money

203 can still buy specialist opinion. Obviously they will not commit to effective change while there are still squillions of dollars to be made from current exploitation. As an exercise, imagine that we do nothing and allow everything to continue on over the next few generations. Let yourself imagine that for about thirty seconds. Did you imagine something a little like this scenario. History tells us that the worlds problems multiplied, no one did enough to stop it. The sky is a different colour blue than what the pictures in old books show. And anybody would be thought insane to actually swim in the sea or rivers; its hard to believe that people did those things back then. They must have been crazy to want to go outside for recreation; we only go out there when we have to. People are dying of old diseases faster and at younger ages than ever before and there is no medical system like the old days, so we all have to suffer through it until the end. The last wars took many lives and left more in terrible poverty with all the health problems that go with surviving modern warfare. Even the rich are falling like the rest of us, and they thought their money would buy them freedom from the fall. Grandma said her own Grandmother had told her when she was very little, that water came out of a tap and it was clean enough to see through. We didnt believe that. She said lots of women had babies in greatgrandmas time, we didnt believe that either. In one of her old books it shows people walking around in cities without wearing protective suits and respirators. We all laughed about that. Once, we talked about what life must have been like to live in the old days, to have freedom to move, express your opinions and be able to breathe enough clean air to actually feel good. We blamed all the people who lived before us for letting things get this way... While this sounds very gloomy it is also very probable. People say we humans have only added 10% to the worlds

204 ecosystem, and that figure may be correct. If the worlds ecosystem was operating at 100% efficiency before our meteoric rise to the present, and we have added 10% to that, wouldnt our ecosystem then be changed? If we put 10% more water into an already full glass it will upset the balance and make life hell for the microbes living in the glass, much like our ecosystem. Look for yourselves and you will see the effects. When a group of scientists can walk on bare rock in the Antarctic that only twenty years ago was covered by hundreds of meters of ancient ice, when the worlds glaciers are melting at phenomenal rates, with sea temperatures and currents altering from year to year, and we can record reduced Oxygen levels in the atmosphere that are lower than only 100 years ago, then we start to get the picture that things arent really fine at all. We become more sure of this when we learn that at the current rate of forest depletion, we have about 25 or so years of breathable oxygen in the atmosphere. Our 10% is a significant change. Perhaps my gloomy scenario is not too far from the probable reality ahead. We could stir many more variables into the equations but they would only adjust the outcomes a little either way. If the predicted cataclysmic Earth changes do come then at least we wont get the opportunity to strangle all life of this small planet we currently call Home. If they dont happen, then we are staring down the barrel of a slow and ugly demise for the human race if we let things continue on the way we do now. But what if we actually got the populations together, forced the issues, made the necessary changes and worked towards a longer term existence for the human race? Could we then cushion the effects? This is the variable that I would choose, although it does come with its own set of problems. Whatever we do from now on is already unfashionably late in the bigger scheme, and prone to being marginally effective because of this. And yet it is painfully obvious that we need to do something and it needed to be done yesterday, last decade or last century! Lets take a short peek at human relations these days.

205 The trend is towards more separation and isolation, with more people out to get what they want, exclusively. We are forcing the children to have less of a childhood because of the frantic pace we choose to live at and the growing expectations of our lifestyles. Children need a childhood to grow into balanced productive adults. They are expected to grasp adult concepts and cultural ideals before they are ready to, and we inflict this on them as a matter of course. We give them more unhealthy foods and then complain about their behaviors, without thinking about how the chemical ingredients are causing these problems. We want them to accept adult responsibilities at the same time that we are poisoning them with substances! How can we allow them to grow into healthy, empowered and selfdirected adults with balanced perspectives on the world if we dont try to model what is needed for them to do so? Our growing ranks of older age people are expected to be happy with being regarded as dispensable to our needs. We no longer give them the respect that they are due as people who have lived for longer than us and therefore have a wealth of important experiences that they can share. Many older people are sent to live in retirement villages and homes so that we dont have to care for them in their weaker years. Doesnt it seem like we have forgotten what things are really important? Most of us keep on trying to get better this or that to make ourselves feel better about ourselves, all the time trying hard not to realize that we will be old one day too. Who will care for us then? Will our children and theirs also send us away to some expensive detention center (retirement home) so that they can continue trying to get more personal belongings in a vain attempt to find happiness? It is up to us to decide what we want and how to go about making the changes. We can see a pre-occupation with violence in our society, and seem happy to accept it as normal reality. I began to

206 see the changes back in the late 70s and early 80s; when explicitly violent movies became the trend and we sat back to watch them without wondering why there was a need to increase realism and bloodletting. Twenty years on we have a society that has no ability to deal with the violent youth we raised! We can see and understand the mechanisms that have brought this reality into being but we lost sight of the means to change it. Violence is an indicator of deeper problems in our societies, it exhibits the lack of respect for people and property, as well as showing that this is because there is no respect for Self. The dis-empowerment bug has run rife throughout our cultures and this then hints at a solution to the problem. Our youth are feeling dis-empowered in a world of increasing Chaos; they are further distanced from what they perceive as the good life, which they also believe they deserve as a right! We gave them everything, video games, as much entertainment as was wanted, most of it was violent in nature and because it was given without requiring anything in return it taught them to expect that they should get everything they want. And if they dont get it, they think that they are hard done by, missing out, not worthy etc. The growing numbers of these disaffected younger generations could easily spiral into mayhem in the near future if we allow this trend to continue. Do we want these urges to play themselves out to their inevitable conclusions? Should we wait and see? Will we make the same mistakes again and allow our world to continue with warring, exploitation and destruction? I would hope that we dont. The problem of feeding our children with tainted, overprocessed foods will only grow if we do nothing to stop it. Yet we are being passively led down a path toward corporate control of the worlds food production within the coming decade. We know that this production will be based solely on trademarked Genetically Modified foods, so that we will not be able to grow healthy, untainted, live foods for ourselves. In recent years our own national government asked for input on the G.M. debate

207 from the population of Australia. But, they insured the notices were very small and inconspicuously placed in the media were most people would not notice them. Basically, they were in small print, buried halfway through the papers in ad-space. Who controls the media? Powerful money is forcing the modified foods issue on to us and our governments are keeping us in the dark about it. Have you noticed there has been no further talk about this subject in the national media quite a few years? What are we going to do about it? Usually the differences between the cultures are blown out of proportion, so that we can then be led to see other cultures as something less than us. This makes it easier for some of US to shoot at some of THEM. We are told that this group or that are the Bad Guys and we are the Good Guys. Our governments and the elite power brokers manipulate us through all forms of media to insure that we have homogenized opinions on a situation. We can see this in play right now, its the good versus evil scenario that we are expected to accept, it is the same process thats been used throughout history. Youd think we would have had enough of this by now. We are treated as if we are unable to make informed decisions for ourselves. This is part of the game that these power brokers play with us. They keep us misinformed so that we cant make important decisions and make effective changes. Once again, this process dis-empowers us and most of the time we dont see it happening, we are made to not rock their boat. Ask yourself this, what if our boats captain is only interested in what it can squeeze out of us without us realizing it? If we look back over the last century we can see certain trends and patterns that we can use as indicators in our modern framework. The most obvious are the events leading to war. Its as if some people decide to have a war, but not straight away, the players all need time to build up their military strengths, first. Look, the same thing is happening now and has been

208 building for some time. You can see many countries, including ours, have and still are allocating massive increases in funding for all things war. If there is not going to be another War, then why do we need to build up our war machines as if there is? What are we to deduce from this, is the world moving closer to another major war and if so is it on schedule? Most, if not all the wars and skirmishes, are brought about by power brokers using governments and alliances to further their own interests. They stand to gain the most benefits from the miseries of War and Suffering. They create the right atmosphere for war by actively providing armaments and funds to both sides of a potential conflict, while stirring the pot with their political alliances. We even know this as Fact. I ask you, why should anyone die to provide the elite with more Wealth and Power? If ten percent of the worlds known military funding was diverted into humanitarian projects, starvation would end in the first year! But, that wont happen because we let it go on, as long as we are comfortable and unaffected. What about the Power Brokers themselves? We know they have detestable plans for control of the population as a means to reach their goals, which will see them reaping huge benefits from our suffering. We know this has been the case for the majority of human history, which makes us feel powerless to do anything about it. Governments may come and go but the power brokers game stays the same. Its a long history. Maybe if we refused to play their game we might slow them down long enough to get some change happening. Unfortunately most people would not give up the necessary things to make that difference. Things like our reliance on Banking, our very comfortable lifestyles, all the nice little must have things, credit cards, television and other media, plus all the rest of the trappings of modern Western culture. Ask someone in

209 the street to give up any of these things for the betterment of the human race and you might get laughed at, abused or worse. Doing these things will hit the Elite controllers right in their soft spots, we will slow them because they want us to not think, to not ask the big questions and to not rock their boat. They know that if the majority of people got together to make important changes, then their own time would come to an end. And they cant let that happen. This is why they treat us like Mushrooms, they are afraid of us Waking Up and changing it. Look at our own recent history in Australia, during the early 90s we were asked as a nation if we agreed to have Smart Cards, Employment Contracts etc. The voters gave a resounding NO. What happened next? We were allowed to forget them for a little while, then Employment Contracts went around to the back door where our Government let them in, making us capitulate when it was obviously too late. Smart Cards were evolved into many forms so that we would accept them without knowing that they were the same thing. Doesnt this mean we cannot trust our own government to do our bidding? Can we trust our future to this publicly elected public service? I would think the answer is No. It would seem then that effective change is needed in almost every area of our world and that nearly everyone is content to let ourselves continue along this current path. This is due to a number factors, the major one being that we are educated to accept, to follow the crowd, to not seek our own answers and to believe that our governments wouldnt let something bad happen to us. We are led to believe that everything is alright, that there will always be more of everything, that the meaning of life is to work hard for little reward in order to pay off an overpriced house for our family unit, and that we will retire to enjoy life when we are too worn out to do the things we dreamed of at thirty or forty. Everybody is expected to buy into this dream, rather than breaking free

210 from the mould and being different. Our education systems reinforce this ideal in our children from an early age, while we support it with our lifestyles in order to model the required mediocrity. So when we look at the world around us we see the changes humans have wrought upon this beautiful planet and we see that we cannot go on at this pace for too much longer if the race is to survive. Im not advocating a return to living as we did hundreds or thousands of years ago as that would be as inappropriate as the way we live here now. All we need is for more people to see that we are the same, that we are powerful in numbers and capable of the greatest possibilities. And we need to see that we must make changes NOW, before we slip further into the darkness of Hatred and Greed. It must be time for us to ask where are we going? Maybe we can ask others the same question and share what we know with them so they can come to an understanding about their own choices, and the effects of that around us. In the end, our choices must make these decisions. Without enough people making the same choices, change cant come fast enough to insure a long survival for us. Without enough people standing up for change, it cant come into reality. We all must choose, and choose NOW.

* A note here; as of 2006/07the worlds awareness of our environmental situation has been lifted greatly by the wonderful work of Al Gore and others who fought to bring the issues to a wider audience against the tide of agendas, money and powerful industrial groups.

211

even Conspiracies.
Conspiracies do exist at all levels of human endeavour, they always have. And while it is important for people to know about these things, they can and do take our focus away from keeping balance. So there are very definitely times when we need to see and be thankful for what we do have and accept what we cant change. Having said that though, I also feel it important for as many people as possible to be aware of what really is happening around us, as it does impact our life here. And who knows, maybe in the big scheme of things some of us are meant to rally against the machine! A large portion of new-agers say not to think about these things because we will make them happen. I understand the attitude of ignoring these things and focusing on light and love, but that too is not balanced. Balance is inclusive of all realities; it includes the darkness in equal portions to the light. How else can real balance be experienced? By shunning the darkest aspects of human existence we are effectively forcing ourselves to remain unbalanced and dis-empowered as a race, in the wider perspective. And that is exactly what the power mongers of this world want from us; to be dis-empowered so that we give our free will to the power mongers pulling our governments puppet strings. We are incarnate in this world right now. We chose to be here for specific reasons that far outweigh the standard little souls at school concept. So we came here to be a part of what is occurring on the earth now, in our lifetimes. Together we can have the power to make very effective changes and prevent the ridiculous plans from becoming reality. But, we still have not found the basis for unity, which is the pre-requisite for this type of action. Surely we can't just sit back and accept that these

212 things may be happening but its okay coz I am on my path? What if your chosen Soul path is to fight against these conspiracies? And if so, then who can rightfully pass judgments on another? Balanced perspective requires we include all things within our realms, no matter how distasteful they may seem to us or how disconnected they may seem from our perspective of reality. We live in a duality, and as such all things here have multiple characteristics to them. So we are really closing ourselves off to the possibilities we are presented with here, by refusing to see them when we think 'only light and love'. Those two things are only part of the whole reality. Conspiracies are always kept below the level of our awareness, so that we do not know what is really going on around us. So you really are treated like a mushroom! I am not asking you to fight against conspiracies; I only ask that you raise your awareness to be able to perceive them clearly. In this way you will be more able to make suitable decisions without being led to things you might not want to be a part of as we head into our future. Also, I ask that you do not get stuck on the conspiracies you do perceive because that too is part and parcel of how they work. As you perceive more, you will need to move through the more negative reactions you have so that you do not carry the weight and can then move further towards clarity and awareness. Some people believe there is a spiritual awakening going on in the world that will see us all miraculously become aware, and others believe there is a negative fear-based control drama going on that will reduce us to a worst case scenario. Each thinks the other is wrong. None of them realise that the two things are happening at the same time! So when we look at the future we need to accept this and understand that the outcomes may be something in the middle as it all balances itself out.

213

Simplicity in action.
When we perceived two places at once, total clarity was lost. But the immediate perception of there was gained.
- Don Juan Matus.

Now that weve had a look forward in time to get a clearer picture, each of us has a better understanding of the directions our societies and the world is taking, so well need something to make us feel better. And, by now you may be wondering what you can do to help yourself. If you work on opening up to your higher awareness you will find some peace within yourself. So, what processes or techniques could you use to help yourself awaken, become empowered and better able to make suitable choices? There are so many meditations, techniques and the like on offer these days that we can fumble around for years trying many different ones. I much prefer the simplest techniques as some of the more complex ones are too easy to get lost in. You know the ones; now you see this, then this happens and then you see this thing and we now do this and that, etc. It is more effective to get down to the nitty-gritty as soon as possible and have you experience your own things rather than following complex and twisting processes that may not give you anything more than a fluffy little experience. Fluffy, nice, relaxing, are all valid too but if we are serious about our growth we will need to get to work and experience for ourselves. Because we are powerful beings in our own right, we have the abilities to make changes, to make decisions about how we behave, to choose an empowering path to awareness and we will no doubt discover what we can do in simple terms. So what

214 follows are basic methods I teach others to use for their personal awakening; but we must remember to take our experiences seriously as they do show us the way ahead for further growth, if we take notice that is. It is necessary to point out that this first technique is not one I invented, but, the use of it is an adaptation a friend came up with. In ancient times something similar was known to different cultures throughout the world, such as the Hebrew tradition of the Middle Pillar Method. It is the first thing we can do for ourselves to gain clearer perception.

215

The White Light Method.

This is a simple method for opening up to the Light. With practice it is also an avenue for accessing your Guides and Soul-levels of awareness. Start by sitting in a comfortable chair and relaxing, let yourself enjoy the feeling and really relax. Take three deep, cleansing breaths in your nose and exhale out the mouth. When you are feeling ready, imagine a tube of white light coming down over you, and see it all around you in your mind's eye. Breathe it in through your nose. Next, imagine the light coming through the very top of your head, the Crown Chakra, and filling your body as it moves down to your feet. You may feel warmth or tingles etc, as the light-energy fills you. Stay in it for as long as you choose. Its good for you. I regularly ask people to sit in the white light everyday because it will have other effects that are beneficial to you. Many people have reported that they feel as if they are home or feel loved when they sit in the light for at least five minutes a day and many have discovered for themselves the clarity they get, the feeling of strength and the relaxation of being away from the worries of the world. This is the basic use for the method, and its intended for you to feel these things; in the way you will feel them. Some people will want to insure their safety, which is a valid fear to begin with, and so I ask those of you who feel the need for protection to use this little method before taking the next step in this process. After you have filled yourself with light so that it is in you and all around you, and you have sat in it for a little while, just imagine wrapping your favorite color (or more if you have them), like a strong ribbon, around the outside ball of light you sit in. Do this quickly and intentionally until it has formed a thick shield all around you; remember to hold the

216 intention of this being your protective shield. You will be able to do this shielding at any time you feel the need for it, even when you are walking along a street. Practicing this will make it much easier for you to just have the intent of doing it and it will be so. Eventually you wont need to do this as you become more self-empowered. In my experience, sitting in the white light can be the first step to awakening and journeying in the realms to remember our-Self. So when you are ready to take the next step, fill yourself with light and simply relax in it for a few minutes. Here I ask you to imagine you can exit your body through the top of your head and go UP into the tube of Light. Allow yourself to enjoy the feeling of being free and Light as you speed along the tube. Where you go to from there is up to you. You may come to an area like a meeting place, or you may see someone who you vaguely remember. This is the start of you finding you, of experiencing yourself as a great spirit and finding the Guidance you have always wanted. Trust in the process, practice it as much as possible, in little time you will be adjusting it to suit you and benefiting even more. You will find that the Soul you are knows what to do and where to go for your benefit, even if you dont understand what is going on at the time! That is important, you dont need to understand everything as it happens because the understanding will come later as the information you gleaned slowly absorbs into you. With half the equation of duality covered, we need to look at the other half, the darkness. One small piece of advice here is this, have no fear. Fear is only a feeling that we use to quite effectively prevent ourselves from growing further and it no longer has a place in an evolving reality where souls are awakening to their higher awareness and purpose. So with this in mind we shall take a small look at the other half of creation.

217

Dealing with the Dark Side.

Many people have great fear of what is sometimes called 'Negatives' or 'Negs' for short. It is understandable; this fear is a normal human reaction to something that is perceived as being an unknown or evil force. Most of us will hardly experience anything more than the occasional entity provoking thoughts that we wouldn't normally have. They do this in order to create a reaction from us that is energetic; they will then 'feed' off the energy spike we respond with. But, there are many ways to defend ourselves in this case; the most effective being to not react with our thoughts. This can be quite hard to do without practice. So we can practice focussing our mind in order to prevent ourselves from reacting in the way it is intended for us to. This is only one way we can deal with this situation. Another is the protective shield that we can create using the White-Light. While I personally do not think anything existing was made with evil stamped on it, we must all agree that there are beings who have chosen to work apart from the light and it is these that have become known as evil. But we have the most amazing capacity to deal effectively with those beings that choose such action. Within each of us there is a wonderful tool, the greatest weapon we have in our arsenal. We have been told about this weapon so often that we simply take the concept for granted. What is this magnificent weapon? It is Love. Dark Forces dont have the ability to cope with this. It may sound a little strange, as most people would respond angrily or in an attacking mode. This is of course no different to providing the energy spike that they are seeking from us. But responding with Love will send them on their way quickly, as they cannot cope with the power of Love. One word of advice goes with the use of this tool. Even

218 if you feel fear when confronted with a Dark-sider, you must face that fear and respond Lovingly. It is not easy to do at first, but with practice you will achieve greater success rates. The easiest way to practice this method is to first start with people who you have an angry reaction to. Simply be aware of what you are feeling and how you are reacting then choose to respond with Love. You must feel it in order for it to be effective, so it does not matter what thoughts you use to bring up the feeling of Love, just as long as you direct the feeling at your aggressor. And you will see the difference. How I do it. When Soul Journeying, I am sometimes faced with an entity that has dark intentions, I feel my fear then and approach them while I am feeling it. When Ive reached them I feel their energy, look at them and see that they are not completely dark. Here I make a point of telling them that I can see Light within them. Then I simply put my arms around them and see a LiquidGold energy pouring out of my Heart Chakra that flows into the entity. At first I had to use my imagination or inner vision to see the Light, and sometimes I needed to generate the Loving feeling within myself by simply remembering the feeling of a time that I felt most Loved. Other times I find it easy to Love the being for the fact that they do not know anything different or may even be used by higher beings that are pulling the strings. You will find that once you begin the process of flowing the energy into them, they will start to sparkle from the inside. Like a million little stars have suddenly burst into life! This is the most profound thing that you will ever see, it is the beginning of an immense change within the entity and they will leave you very quickly. In this way will you learn an important truth. The Dark-siders cannot be vanquished for long, nor can they be destroyed. But, they can be changed in the

219 most profound way with this simple method. Another thing I discovered for myself during many years of journeying in spirit or awareness was that these beings I call dark-siders are only souls, just like us, and when they appear to us they help us to feel fear and then move through it to a state of curiosity and awe. In this way we could say they are really helping us on our path of awakening to higher awareness reality and so they cant be the evil things that religion has made us believe that they are. Sure, there are some darker beings that have horrendous intentions and may seem much more powerful than others, but the basics are consistent if you respond with Unconditional Love. This energy of Love is the glue or One-energy of the universe, the underlying energy of god we could say. If you remember anything from reading this let it be to choose Love, Always. When I speak about this Love energy, I am referring to something quite specific, and perhaps it is best to take a look into what unconditional Love is, which is the intention of the next section.

220

Big Love.
What most people call God, I call Creative Awareness. Its all around us in every moment; it surges through us so we are never without it. It has a particular feeling to it that I call Big Love. These were the only words I could find that seem to give the meaning I wanted, to explain how it feels when you are in connection with it. And it is something that I would love all people to experience. This creative awareness is huge, and exists throughout our Universe so it is all things and more. So it is also what we are, what we are made up of and from. Without it there can be no things, as it supplies everything thats needed; it supplies all our needs. So in every situation that we can experience, the creative awareness is supplying us with what we need, whether we think it is or not. It can't do otherwise, that isnt its nature. Because this is so, all things must be as they should be in that moment, only we do not see it that way and we judge it as something good or bad. In the bigger pictures nothing that exists can be judged by us with our human perspective, it doesnt have good or bad stamped on it when it was created, it was just created. So that leaves us with looking to see what was in it for us, what the Creative Awareness has supplied us with. This applies to all things, even horrifying events that end the lives of many people. We see it as an event with victims. We dont look and see that Creative Awareness supplied everything needed for those events, fulfilling Our choices, so the victims must have been part of the overall plan. And this can lead us to another insight about our roles as co-creators with god. In the bigger pictures, we have made plans for this life, we made decisions about what we wanted to experience this time, we made contracts with others to co-supply experiences or

221 be a part of events and we included all the options and various choices we wanted to have. We are living those contracts we made. So are the people who we get angry with, as are all the people that we come into contact with. We have contracts with them all, and on a larger scale the same thing applies. People who have experienced ethnic cleansings and huge disasters, all of them had contracts to be there and do what they did. And Creative Awareness supported our choices because it was gaining experience of its own capabilities and self. So how can we judge these people to be victims when they were showing their own innate Big Love for us by choosing to be a part of something that helps others to learn? We forget that the Creative Awareness has helped to bring this for us all, so we can see the bigger pictures as we grow. This is done for us with Big Love, from the Creative Awareness; it is done for us so that we may learn to see more clearly, to grow stronger and more aware in the times ahead. When we see without the judgments that we make about things, we start to see what I call the bigger pictures. We know that everything happens for a reason, that things happen so we can learn and experience, and that things are created by the Creative Awareness we call God. So then it is up to us to see why things happen, to understand at a deeper level than our fear based, quick judgments, and to see that we are supported with Love, a Big Love. It is important to grasp this concept as it underpins everything in this universe, it is the basis for all experience, all events, all soul choices and we need to get it so that we can make more effective choices as we co-create the future. Now we will move on to the true Teacher within us all. Do you remember that our hero Sammy discovered the reality of an inner Teacher? In many belief-systems they have various names, but we will use the simplest form to understand what they are and what their tasks are with us.

222

The Guides.
So much has been written and said about Spirit guides and Angels, and so much of that is based on various beliefsystem concepts. What I propose to you is that all of the traditional views are valid up to a point, and that point is the concept's own boundaries or limitations. We can go beyond those limits if we have no concepts of what we should experience and discover as our Truth. The Guides I came across over many, many Journeys could be classified, if you had to, into a few loose groups. The Main Guide being the Higher Self, other guides (Helpers) who have contracts with you to help during certain periods of your life, and those who may be very long term Friends also acting as Guides. You may also be fortunate enough to meet Guides who are representations of Earth's Energies, such as a manifestation of Gaia, the Mother or other Spirit forms. Each one you meet is there for a reason and you can communicate easily with them all to remember what you are doing and what you are. Some people will want to include passed-over family members to this list and this is certainly true for some people. Many people are even finding that they may have an alien Guide, even though the concept of Alien can be frightening for us in the beginning of our awakening. As you Journey more you will meet many beings from many places who can help you to understand that all types exist in this Universe of ours. Then you will come to know that all of them are great Souls just like You, only they are working from different awareness levels to you and me. They are the same because they were created by the Universe/God/Awareness exactly like us, making them and us the same. Yet we are more than just the same, we are One and the same, manifesting differently because

223 of our choices and needs as Great Souls. When meeting other Beings and energies in Astral and Soul Journeys it is a good idea to feel them out before jumping right in. This is not an attempt to scare you, just to remind you that not all the things you meet will have your best interests at heart. So a certain amount of caution is advised. But don't let this blind you to the many important lessons that the not so friendly energies can help us with, because they too are from the same source as you. They will and do help us through our Fears so that we become stronger and learn how to effectively deal with the more 'negative' ones. This is an important part of the process of remembering and growing, as it shines Light into our own dark corners, enabling us to bring together our dual natures and become whole. In a sense, all the Beings you meet are helping you in some form or another to grow stronger and be all that you are a Great Spirit. There are many misconceptions about Spirit Guides and what they are supposed to do for us. So lets look at some of these. Firstly, there is nothing that a guide must do for you; helpers have contracts with you but this doesnt mean that they have to keep pushing when you obviously arent the slightest bit interested, etc. So they are not there just for you all the time even though the higher-self does have a degree of awareness in you at all times. The Higher-self guide and some Helper-guides will assist in finding your memories from previous lives here. The reason is to come to know what you are, what paths have brought you to where you are in this life, to experience your connection to all things, and more importantly to understand your personal relationship with the universe/god/awareness. The aim of this process is to help you grow so that you can open up to those higher awareness levels, and then learn how you will operate in this 3D world with higher awareness. It is your path,

224 and you are the one who chose it. So therefore it is the Higher-Self that is the greatest Teacher within you.

225

The Higher-Self.
A very simple way to look at the Higher-Self is to understand that if it is your higher self, then it must really be what you are, more specifically, it must be You. It is the huge spiritual force of god/awareness that you represent in your life. Some people come to understand that what we may call their main Guide is really their own Higher-Self, and not some other entity. The thought that guides must be not-you is a very wide spread misconception, and possibly caused by the indoctrination we received as children that let us think we were only little things, tiny souls on a blink and you might miss it journey to this world. It has prevented us from coming to know that we are very powerful beings in our own right. This is the important lesson there, we are great Souls, we have the ability to do many things that we have been educated into thinking is impossible. We can remember what we really are by experiencing the connection. When we come to know Our Self, the Higher-Self, then we will begin to see more clearly, to gain a wider view from our two little windows on the world. I was taught that the Higher-Self can if needed, have a number of incarnations on the world at the same time. This may go some way to explaining the connections with Soul Mates, although this may not be the only possible explanation for this, as many other variations must also exist in the vastness of our own Universe. The concept that I am putting across to you is this; You are a great Soul, a powerful being that chose to incarnate here at this time, your physical body is only the contact patch with the three dimensional world you walk around in. Your body is the smallest part of your being, like a fingertip gently resting on the book you are reading now. It has the job of moving your awareness around in the 3D and supplying the means to have

226 experience. It is a wonderful little body but it is not the all that you are, nor the all that you can be. By making direct, conscious connections with your Higher-Self, you will begin to remember what and who you are. You will begin to remember what you are here to do this time; you can remember all the more easily what lives you have led prior to this current one, thereby remembering the lessons in them that brought you to where you are now. You will see and understand why things in the world are the way they are now. You will know that all of it is perfect and necessary for the evolution of the people and the planet. You may even come to see why all these things that we judge as being terrible or horrendous are occurring, and then refrain from passing judgments upon them that will cloud your view again. Most importantly, all of this will help you to grow and be stronger in the years ahead as you will see trends indicating the flow to what will happen. And you will be in touch with your inner Guidance through all of this. Soon you will see that the only limits to what you can experience and choose to do are the ones that you place there in front of you. And when you can see that, nothing can prevent you from finishing the chosen tasks you gave to yourself before incarnating here. Now lets get down to some specifics about the HigherSelf, what it is and how it became your main spirit guide. Thinking back to the story at the beginning of this book, that huge soul we called Sammy, had to diversify it-self into smaller and smaller pieces to reach into the denser vibrations making up our worlds reality. To do that it has moved through a variety of awareness levels from Soul to the awareness you have in your life now. If we think of it all as levels from the highest to the lowest, it will be easier to understand. So lets start at a higher level, the Oversoul, which is made up of smaller parts we may call Souls. Each of these will be having various life experiences at the same time. A Soul had to make it-self into smaller pieces

227 in order to reach into this 3D world. Along the trail from larger to smaller pieces, at every level, there is awareness. The higher-self is one of those levels of awareness. If we start at the physical level, there are about seven recognized levels of awareness above that, and they are given different names by different belief systems, including the subtle or energy bodies, which you may already know. These subtle energy bodies relate to different levels and it is through these that we can come to awaken. But, if you think that these are the only ways then you are mis-informed. Some people will rely on actively using their astral energy body to journey and experience higher realms. While this is fine, it also has limitations! The astral body can only journey in the astral planes (levels), so you cannot experience anything beyond that while only using the astral body. The higher-self is a level of awareness that is above the astral planes of awareness. I tend to think of it as somewhere around the lower end of the Soul-levels of awareness, and so it is within reach of everyones capability to connect with this force. It does take on the role of Spirit Guide. In fact it is the main spirit guide we all have. So it is your higher-self and it is your main guide. As your main spirit guide it can be contacted, connected to, communicated with, and eventually merged with. And yes, there are fairly easy ways you can use to make the connections with this massive part of your overall awareness. A number of years ago I was involved in a small research group and one night we did a meditation to meet our guides. This was a simple little method, using visualization/imagination to get the experience started and it opened up into real experiences for everyone. I ended up talking with my higher-self/guide, with which I was already having daily communications and this made me realize that most people can use this little method to make the initial contact for themselves. From there I modified the basis of this meditation to

228 make it more workable, and so people who use it can get a clearer understanding of the relationship they have with their higher-self in order to open themselves to higher awareness. This now brings us to a description of the method for those of you who intend to use it and experiment with.

229

Meet your main Guide.

This meditation is a fairly basic one that works well for most people. It is not one I invented but have used since I was shown it in a group. So lets begin. We always begin meditations by doing the white light method, as this relaxes us, opens us and prepares us for further work. So please take your time, dont rush it, and let it happen for you. When I get the feeling that the group is ready, we ask everyone to imagine that they are standing on the platform of a railway station. Allow a few minutes for everyones awareness to catch up; we do this by having them focus on their feet, then slowly look further out around them and noticing the little details until they can see a complete platform. It doesnt matter if there are other people at the station; all that matters at this point is that the people in the meditation have reached a station platform. Once everyone has observed and begin to feel as if they are at a train station, I ask them to see a train waiting to take them somewhere. Most people see older style carriages while a few will see modern ones. Again, once they can see the carriages quite clearly I ask them to enter the train and take a seat. Here I make a point of telling them that there may be others on the train and so if they feel like it they can talk to whoever is there. When everyone is ready, I begin the description of the train pulling out of the station and comment a number of times on how the people can feel the movement as it begins to accelerate. We usually spend a little time on this aspect because it enables you to be more fully present on the train. When the train is clear of the station, I ask people to look out of the window at the scenery, noticing how it passes the

230 window, and how in the distance you can see much clearer. Most people will see open countryside although one or two have seen city scenery. Either way doesnt really matter, what does matter is that you do not use any memories of real places to fill in your blanks! By using memory in this way you will prevent the experience from growing into a very real thing for you. This is important. So by now you will be relaxing quite nicely, you may be enjoying the scenery, the rattle of the wheels on the tracks and the sensation of movement. I allow this phase to go for about 2 to 3 minutes, depending on the history of each persons meditation practices. The timeframe is longer for those less experienced and less for those with more experience. During this I will talk calmly to help people keep focus before telling them that a long curve is ahead of us and so we then describe things as the train makes it way around the curve. You can ask people to look out of the window and see the Engine up ahead pulling the train around the curve. This curve signifies a branching away from the well traveled path or line. Once we are around the curve and moving straight ahead again, I tell people that we will be coming into another station; so here I begin to describe the feeling of slowing down, the clickety-clack sounds become slower, etc. As the Engine enters the station I say that you might see the name if this station, and if you do then please remember it as it will have significance for you. When the train stops completely, it is time to step out onto the platform of this new station. So once again the process of observing becomes the important thing. I ask people to look and notice if there are others on the platform, then to notice what style this station has, what colors, what plants, etc. I then suggest that as we look along the platform we can see a sign for the station masters office, and when everyone does it we can walk towards it. Usually I also suggest that there will be a ticketwindow we can talk to the station master through. Although in

231 private sessions with people who are having difficulty, I ask them to go to the door, knock and then enter the office. This is one way to keep the distraction level down for those who have some difficulty focusing clearly. Now that you are standing at the window, the station master will be available for you to talk with. Here I tell people to ask the station master anything, any question they have always wanted an answer for. I also ask them to hold the station masters hand so that they can more easily feel the energy of this being. So while they are talking away with the being, I allow some quiet time so that they can get into the experience more deeply. About a minute is usually sufficient for this introduction process. And now I will suggest a couple of things to the meditators; one thing is to ask this question and make a point of remembering the answer, How do I easily connect with you? The next is to ask the person to spend a few seconds feeling the being, just to make sure that they have it firmly in their minds and feeling-memory. The importance of this cannot be stressed enough, as the feeling is really the thing we are after in this meditation. With the feeling we will be able to recognize far more easily when the being is attempting to get our attention and communicate with us. I usually allow a few minutes for the talk and the feeling phases before suggesting to the people that the station master has something for them, so not to walk away when they are finished their discussion without asking for whatever it is that they are to receive. Most people will get an object wrapped in brown paper and twine! While others will find their gift is presented in another way. After everyone is finished with their discussions and all have picked-up the parcel or gift, then I ask them to thank the station master before going out and waiting on the station platform where I ask everyone to open their parcel and take the time to check-it-out; to let the feeling of it really get into them. In the past year I have evolved this to where I suggest that each

232 person will understand completely for themselves what the object really means to them. This suggestion was needed as most people would always ask me what the object meant, and I refuse to be the person with all the answers. Since using this suggestion, the majority of people doing this meditation will get the understanding and will not ask me to tell them its significance. This was an important breakthrough for us all. For the first few years of using this process we would return the meditators to their original station by a return train trip, but in the last few years only few of them need to return and the rest are meant to go forward, not backward. And, each person will keep whatever it was that they were given by the station master, even if they think that they didnt; it is always with them, and it always signifies a direction for further experimentation. While this may seem a fairly airy-fairy type of meditation, its actually a very simple process that will directly get you face to face with your higher-self Guide. What comes next is a free-form meditation where the people will use the method they were given to re-connect with the Guide they met at the station, and so they can get immediate confirmation for themselves. Try it, it works for most people.

233

Rocks and Rocks.

Some people will have difficulty with the reconnection process; its usually because they doubt themselves and what they get. Most of the time, they may not have realized that the station master was a Guide, so I must tell them if they did not recognize it for themselves. After this, it will only take practice, practice and more practice; do it daily! As you use your reconnection process you will find it modifying so that you will eventually be using a process that is nothing like the initial reconnection method you were given. It will have developed into the way you make your connection. This is what its all about, the way that You connect. We can all use the same basic methods to begin with but we should not make it the only way we will do it. If the only thing we can be sure of is that everything changes, then we have to allow the processes to grow for us. This doesnt mean that we will understand everything we experience though, as many times the understanding will come later. How much later will depend on you and how often you practice. Its that simple really. Blocks to understanding will come frequently, and this is a natural part of the process of awakening. If you practice every day you will grow rapidly even if you dont fully understand what you are experiencing. It is not important to understand everything immediately, what is important is that you practice and have experiences, and then the understanding can filter down through you. So be gentle on yourself, do not be critical of your ability, your state of mind or your experiences. Dont forget, we have been closed-off to our higher awareness for so very long that it should be natural for things to be a bit confusing for a little while. Know that you are in the process of awakening and be content with that whenever you do not fully understand; know also that there is always light at the end of the

234 tunnel so you will come to understand all that you experience. Also, and more importantly, do not compare your experiences with other peoples as it can lead to a few blocks along your path too. Feelings of lack or superiority will create rocks for you to stumble over until you work it out that you need to come from a place of awe, not from either end of the egoscale. Ive worked with people that have easily done all the things Ive asked of them in meditations and journeys, they have met and connected with their guides, they have journeyed to the Akasha and even found their own place that the soul uses in the realms for its reminders, yet the people will still work in a place of confusion! Try to avoid this perspective. The more you expect to know, understand or experience, the more you will be disappointed in your results. If we accept our experiences as pointing directions for research, and then act upon those things while observing, we will come to understanding more rapidly. If you do not understand something, ask your Guide to clarify things for you. If they dont, it will mean that you are meant to work it out for yourself. In this case, do not let yourself become depressed, My guide wont answer my questions for me. They are there to help you awaken, not to give you everything. If it is just given without your effort it will mostly be worthless. This you will discover for yourself anyway. As far as blocks and rocks go, whether you experience them or not is up to you. Your attitude, your intent and thoughts about the subject must have an effect. If you think you are dumb, or something is wrong with me because I cant do it, then you will not see and experience clearly until you work through that block or around that rock. The most effective way to experiment is to have no ideas about what you will experience, what you should experience and never think that you will not choose a certain direction, because if you say NO, then sometime down the track you will have to go that way. There is

235 an old Druid saying, Never name the well you wont drink from. One day you will have to. Its important we talk a little about Intention here. The old saying relating to this is, Where your attention goes, your energy flows. And I have to say here that this is very correct. Your intention operates as the beckoner, or creator of your experiences. Its a little like making a phone call; when you place your attention on what you intend to do or a place you intend to go, then most times this is exactly where you will go or do. About the only thing I know that can change this is when the Soul you are needs you to experience something else, yet there will be some leeway to experiment. I only know this because I love to experiment, to have a little fun while I journey and really enjoy the whole experience. Yet every time I have had a play, I will feel a pulling sensation that tells me I need to go with the flow and let it happen how it is meant to. Usually I will stop playing and go with it then. In the next section we will look at ways of reaching what I call Your Place. This place will be where you as a soul go to when it is working, and there will always be reminders there for you.

236

Your Place.
With this meditation method you also sit comfortably and let yourself relax. Let yourself think about how it feels to be completely safe, warm and content, let this feeling fill you up. Set your intent on finding your place. You can think about the place that you always felt this way in, it may be in the world or it may be another place. The easiest way to know if youre imagining a scene is by the amount of effort it takes to keep the picture in your mind. Let go of thinking then; and let yourself relax further. Use the white-light to centre yourself and relax into it. Soon youll find another scene develops, one that you didn't have to make and try to hold in your mind. Allow it to unfold around you. For some people its helpful to look at their feet in the scene and simply let the rest of it happen; this is an easy way to bring your focus gently into play without pushing the experience away. Once the scene has cleared and you can see that youre really in it, you can walk around in it and explore. In fact, you can do anything you choose to while youre in that place; its your place and you can return there anytime you choose. You will find that if you sit quietly there, your Guide will approach and make themselves known to you. Its important that you feel them. You will feel their energy and come to know they are your Guide. When you have had this experience you can connect anytime with Your Place, you only need to remember how it felt and you will return there. And one last thing about this method, please have fun with it. Spiritual practice is not meant to be too serious, we are here to enjoy, as much as learn and remember! This place of yours is unique to you, it really does exist on another plane and so it is very real, even if you cant touch it

237 with your physical hands. I tend to think we should explore the area and find what things are there. Many souls keep caves and when you go there it may take some time to find all the things you have left there as reminders to yourself. You will see each one when you are ready for them. These things are reminders, and their task is to let you connect with important events and experiences in other lives through various cultures. Each one is unique to you, because you made them and left them there to remind you of what you are. Dont forget, you may have hidden them from yourself so you will need to explore the area in depth. As you work with your main guide, they will introduce you to your helpers, and they will each have different tasks with you. Once you have reconnected with your place, you will be able to work with the main guide and the helpers to get the information you need to grow. It is more effective to get there and work along with support crew; as I like to say, There is no substitute for having the experience. If you go to your place very frequently, perhaps daily, you will remember and re-experience far quicker than if you only practice once a week. Its pretty obvious you could say. Each piece of a jigsaw puzzle will come together in its own time as you work with your guides and recover all your reminders to how powerful you really are. At this point of the book weve covered a lot of ground, with quite a few concepts to think about and feel. We now have some basic little things we can do to really help us experience our spiritual nature for ourselves. And doesnt it all sound so easy? Dont be concerned if it doesnt happen for you as easily as it is written here. If you practice, follow any little insights or ideas you have for altering the methods. Practice for at least thirty days to give it time to happen before you throw the

238 methods away. Experiment, and find out how things can work for you.

239

A little thing called Karma.

We think of Karma as a system of judgement and have the perspective of reaping good or bad outcomes for our actions in this and other lives, If you do wrong somewhere in this life youll suffer the consequences in the next life. This historical perspective on karma has served us well. Looking at the times and cultures we took the concept of karma from, the generally accepted point of view was were insignificant and bad little souls doing wrong acts who need a higher power enforcing our just deserts on us. Now look at the words describing this perspective. We see value-judgements in; good or bad, what we deserve, wrong acts, etc. And this is how it has been in a world of duality. Imagine a god, universe or creative force that doesnt judge us in any way; as if its only concern was to Experience, through us, everything it is and can be. Our perspectives on karma would be a bit obsolete. If we discovered it was us who judge our lifes actions, choosing suitable ways to balance the books, then we would have to widen our perspectives a whole lot. Maybe we could see other souls as sharing experiences with us and balancing out our agreements. Imagine then that karma was only a mechanical system. One where we might recognise the natural evolution our causes and experience the effects without judgment. With no value judgement on it, there can be no only good or bad. Karma can only be what it is, a flow-on of each cause to its natural completion. As our awareness grows, were bound to make discoveries that replace the historical perspectives were attached to. Growth waits outside our comfort zones, so we must be prepared to let go of our old thinking and attachments to belief systems. From this perspective Karma should give you no

240 cause for concern about your brownie points or the lack of. It doesnt put a huge weight on your shoulders; it lets you be aware more when making choices.

241

Relating
When talking with someone, focus on the persons eyes and let your vision go out of focus a little so that you can see the natural beauty of that soul. You will know when you can see it because they will look younger to you than they normally do. Now you can flow loving energy to this equal Soul, even if you do not like the person they are this time. Remember though that a non-reflective surface cannot give the same thing to you. When we have problems relating to a person, many people think it is important to continue trying to find a happy medium even when it becomes obvious such a thing cant be reached with that person. In this case, all we owe that person when we see them in the street is to give a smile and a hello. You will only keep the problem at the top of your important thoughts list if you do otherwise. And in so doing you will keep energy attachments flowing between you and that person. By all means see that person as another soul, equal to you, but when it cant be fixed then it is time to shake the dust from your feet! Most arguments are about the power struggle, meaning that we wrestle for the energy or power of the other person. We know this is done in many ways, and sometimes it is advisable to simply give the person the energy they seek to feel better; but do not give it when it is sought to have control or power over you. In this case it is more effective to walk away and to stand in your own power. There are times when a strategic withdrawal is a far better course of action for all concerned. In current spiritual thinking we are asked to work ever harder at finding solutions to problems we have with other people. We are told to look at why we feel a certain way about that person, to think that they are reflecting issues for us as if they are a mirror to us. Lets not forget that every person has

242 their own baggage! Sometimes another person can mirror our issues for us to see, but it is not so in every case. Some people will think the mirroring concept gives them licence to act like a total pig to us, when it clearly does not. So here we need to clearly discern what it is that we feel from within rather than believing the normal line of thought. We can do this by sitting in the light and getting clarity on our own actions, feelings and issues relating to this person. Once you have your answers, remember that they are only your answers and not everyones answers that you have to offer. It is important to have boundaries. Establish them for yourself by asking this simple question, How much is enough? So how much abuse, negativity, control-drama etc, will you accept from this person? If the answer is no more, then you are very ready to establish your boundaries. In this way you will make a powerful stand for yourself that is not driven by negative thoughts about another person. We simply establish the boundaries and then allow the other person to go about their life without having effects on us, and, vice-versa. We need to be aware that not every situation can be fixed and then we need to address that for our own self. Stand in your own power, not in an egotistical way, but in a loving and accepting way which allows for you to have rights too. Because our thoughts have power to create or manifest as reality, it is important to own every thought, particularly if it is a negative thought you have put-out to others. And because you are powerful, you can recall such thoughts at the time you become aware of putting it out there. In this way at least you will be responsible for the things you are creating or not creating. Let me say here, every thought has an effect; if it is a negative thought it can and will have a very definite effect on the target person whether they are aware of it or not. I only know this from personal experience.

243 We might like to think we can help others, so we have to know what our own motivation is in offering assistance. So many people only want to be seen as a helper so that they do not have to look at issues in their own life. And it is important to remember that people must ask for help before we can give it, otherwise you are taking on a role that is not meant for you to take. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. Many of us are seed-planters, so we must recognise that when the seeds are planted our work is done. It is not up to us to ensure the seeds grow! If you try to make sure the seeds do grow, you will open yourself up to many other problems including having that person hanging on to your coat tails so that they can keep draining off the energy that they have become addicted to. Many times we may take on the role of Knight in Shining Armour, and this too leads us to many problems as the person we are trying to help/save will eventually come to perceive us as the problem in their life. These actions can be a fatal mistake for many people, and the nightly news is evidence of this truth. Once upon a time there were two sheep in separate paddocks. One paddock was green and the other was void of anything but dirt. One day sheep-2 made its way through the fence to the greener paddock where it asked sheep-1 what it could do to make its paddock better. Sheep-1 told the other that it could stay a while and learn how to make its existence better for itself. Time went by, and sheep-1 in the green paddock could see that the other one had given up its power so that it could ride on the success of sheep-1. So sheep-1 decided to take sheep-2 over to the fence where it pointed out how green its paddock now was. Sheep-2 still didnt get what sheep-1 was on about. Eventually, sheep-1 had to become assertive and send sheep-2 back to its own paddock, knowing that if it applied the knowledge it had gained, then it would be fine in the future. Now sheep-1 let go of all concerns for sheep-2, because it had done all it could to assist them.

244 You are not responsible for the perceptions of other people. Most peoples perceptions are coloured by the filter that they are viewing through. If a person is viewing your actions through a filter coloured by their sense of not getting what they want, then they will not be able to come to clarity on your actions or words. In fact, they will continue to believe what they want, based on the filter beliefs and not give any credit to your efforts to clarify things for them. In such circumstances, walk away. There is nothing that you can do to help the person to any clarity so you must remove yourself from the equation so that you are not drawn down further into the mire of their creations. This also allows the person time to let their thoughts and feelings clarify so that may come to a clearer understanding. Take the opportunities that presents themselves, do not wait for it to get better when years of experience with that person may have shown you that it cannot get any better! This is something that has come up in my work, as most clients are unhappily married women who seek some sort of fix for the problems of their primary relationship before they look at the only other path of moving on in their own life. Most men are unable to move outside of the comfort zones they have been indoctrinated into having, and as their wives become aware that they are growing, they will usually want their husband to grow with them. Here lies a Catch 22 situation. Men in comfort zones where they are the dominant sex mostly making the decisions and rules relating to their life and relationships, are unable to, or do not have the tools to move ahead and grow along with their wives. This will inevitably lead to a situation where the man perceives at some level that there is a threat to his comfort zone existence, and so he may pull-rank to stop his wife from doing whatever it is that is causing her to grow. She in turn will respond in frustration to this block placed in her way. Eventually, many of these relationships will end precisely because one person tried to control the other. We must also point out here that control is a tool used just as effectively

245 or even more so by the women-folk. Perhaps we could all observe our actions so that we might see what control dramas we are using, and what the causes of our personal dramas are. All said and done, relationships are very tricky things. And I am not just referring to our primary relationships here; instead I am talking about our relationships to all things. We presently cant hope to have a world where all argument and discord can be removed easily. Given that the operating system currently playing out is Might is Right, we must accept that it has to run its course before something new can replace it. And what shall we choose to replace it with? Many women are looking to the more ancient matriarchal societies as the basis of the new culture without ever realising that we did it already, and it didnt work either. We cannot have one sex being dominant or having more rights than the other sex. We must choose a society that really is based on equality so that everyone can develop to their highest capacity and so that discord between the sexes can be minimised or totally removed so that we can communicate far more effectively. When considering past-life issues we have brought into this current life it is important to get your own clarity on those issues instead of relying on what anyone else has to say about it. This is because your higher-self is the best avenue to get information about your past-life relationships. For instance, my previous relationship was very rocky which is something I recognised very early on but did not act accordingly to nip things in the bud, before it could deteriorate into an unhealthy state. The basis of this was that my partner believed I had killed her malevolently in one of our most recent incarnation. This made her filter all perceptions through the belief that I was out to harm her again in any way possible, and this was the cause of much nastiness in the present relationship. Because I was aware of our previous life together I decided to get some clarity on it for myself. I had known when we met in

246 this life where we had lived in that earlier life but had no immediate memory of the event causing my partners death that time. So I simply went into a meditative state and returned to that time-life so that I was able to relive the final moments of her life, and mine. As my awareness came fully into that life, I found myself running along a path I knew ended at a cliff face above a river. My partner of the time was running ahead of me and so I turned my head to see what we were running from. It was two white-men on horseback who were riding hard to run us down. At that moment my partner reached the cliff face and stopped, so as I approached her I knew it was more important to die by our own hands than to be caught, tortured and killed by the men on horseback. So I pushed her as I leapt out into the void above the river. My last glance backwards showed me that the two men had unknowingly followed us and rode over the edge too. This gave me the clarity I needed to face the situation in my current life, and so I told her what I had relived so that she could also get some clarity on the whole situation and therefore adjust her belief and actions accordingly. Unfortunately she refused to accept what I told her, because the belief she had was one she had clung to her entire life this time and that had negative affects on all her relationships. For me, the events I relived where very real, and because I knew to trust my own soul as a provider of information I needed, I had two options. One was to accept this information and trust what I got for myself from having the re-experience or I could doubt my Self and allow the disempowerment in the current relationship to continue. You may guess that I tried to heal the incident but was unable to, so in the end I realised that I had done my part in the relationship and its soul contract and now it was time for me to walk away. I did, but not before things got far worse. At least the seed of truth was planted.

247 This example is given so that you can see the importance of getting your truth for yourself as a way to understand the contracts you have with those people in your life who play significant roles in your relationships. And again, it adequately illustrates the importance of having your own experiences instead of accepting anything and everything that you are fed or told by anyone else, including me. Because we are running out of time in this present culture it is very important for us to get clarity before we do not have the luxury of time to spend in meditation and reflection. In order to be clear and aware we need to understand what we are and why we are here in our current life. Understanding the beliefs behind the flow of everyday life is just as important because it is those beliefs that direct the course of our interactions with others. If we dont get clear on these facets of relating then we will repeat things over and over until we do understand. This is shown by how often the same issue arises in our life. For example, it is why people who have a history of attracting violent partners seem unable to attract anything different into their life. It is why we react in the same manner to the same stimulus, why we think and believe the same things instead of choosing something else. And all of this boils down to what you really believe about you, your value and abilities. These things have traditionally been difficult to get to without spending years in Therapy, as if the problems are mental illness! It is simply a lack of knowing yourself, what you have chosen to experience this time around and not knowing that you have the power to help yourself.

248

Helping Yourself.
There are a few things you can do to help yourself when you are having difficulty relating with others in your life, and while these things may sound too simple for you I ask that you at least give them a try so that you know for yourself that they do work. The first is a little process I call Mirroring, which is completely different to the mirroring of issues we had touched on before and that the new-age industry seems to ply as the only possible truth. This process is something we can do when we notice that a thought we wouldnt normally have has come into our mind, and I use it when a person just pops into my mind without me instigating the thought. The idea behind this process is to work out for yourself if the thought is actually yours or if it has been planted there by someone else or another force, and, it is used to remove those that arent yours. When you feel a thought that you wouldnt normally have or when a thought about someone you have had difficulty with just comes into your mind, simply imagine or visualise a mirror wrapped around you. Make sure it is around your whole body and not just the head, and make sure also that the mirror surface faces outwards. The first thing you will notice is that the feeling of the thought or person will weaken if it is a thought coming from someone or something else! If it does not weaken then you will know it is your thought and not from outside of you. Then it is up to you what you do with your own thought. You can do this little process at any time, even at work or play, and it will work every time for you without fail. Trust yourself and the process. You have the power, remember. I first used this process as a way to deal with a darker being that wanted to feed off the reaction energy we all have to

249 uncomfortable thoughts that are planted in our minds. Dont be afraid of the concept of a disembodied being planting thoughts into your mind so that you will react with an energy spike for it to feed off, you would be surprised how often and how normal it really is in our world. I read that the best way to deal with this was to not come from your mind, to stay in inner silence, which worked quite well but it wasnt an active process for the majority of people who arent trained to meditate and stay in their inner silence. So this little process came into memory to make it possible for everyone to have the ability to deal with these little annoyances to our daily clarity. If you have been experiencing psychic attack where negative input is directed at you from others (no matter who they are) then this little process will help you get some respite from the attack. The basis of psychic attack is to cause the subject (you) to doubt themselves and become dis-empowered so that the attacker can have more control over the subject. Even governments are doing this to people in their populations, so dont think this is just a nutty idea; it is very real and something that I have worked against with a number of people, particularly in America. It is known as Mind Control and you can research it for yourself. This next process developed from something I came across many years ago while researching mythologies and beliefs of older cultures. In this process we can heal ourselves of the strings that others have attached to us and that are held firmly in our energy centres and bodies by hooks. At first I used to journey in spirit/awareness to the people I was working with in other countries and conduct this process in regular sessions, but I soon discovered that people who are under psychic attack will usually be just like sheep-2 in the previous chapter. Because of this I made a point of telling the people that they can do this for themselves and not to see themselves as Victims. Many didnt like the idea due to the fact that they

250 actually had an attachment to the concept of being a victim. Therefore we could say that half the problem was in their belief in Victim-hood. For this process I ask that you sit and relax yourself as you would for meditation, then do what I call scanning over your whole body. Here you use your awareness to peruse your body while looking for energy that does not belong to you, so it is something that is foreign to your energy. You will find with practice that these hooks are very noticeable as not being yours. As you find them, take the hook out and intend for it to return to its originator. Send it back with Love and do not hold an attachment to it in any way. Make sure you check your whole body for these spots or hooks. Some people will see them as discoloured areas of energy, and so you will extract it and return it to where it came from. Do this until you are positive that you have gotten them all, then, bring in the light through your crown and direct it into those areas where you found the hooks and energy spots so that you are healing the area and the aura around it. When you are finished this process you could also do the Protective Shield as described earlier in this book. And if you feel the need, do the shielding a couple of times a day as you slowly build up your inner strength again. Because many of us have hooks in us from our previous relationships, including our children, you can also visualise those people standing in front of you; one at a time. Next, scan them for energy that is yours and when you find it simply detach it and return it to yourself. Dont be surprised if the person who you recovered it from calls you, or your children try harder to engage you for your energy. That is fairly normal as they have been constantly taking energy from you and are as addicted to it as the psychic attacker or past love partner. By now you will have returned all energy hooks to their rightful place and received for yourself the energy that others have taken from you. How do you feel? Do you feel a bit stronger? Do you like the idea of doing something to help yourself? Good on you!

251 In the past when I was working on others overseas, I would follow the hooks and strings back to their source to discover why they were planted in the first place. I would not suggest that you do this yourself as it can create further problems if the source is one of the programs being run by agencies of governments. I learned that those agencies are very aware of what you are doing and will try to prevent you from assisting those who they think of as their subjects. To know more about the abilities of such agencies you could research the good material available today about Remote Viewing that has been written by the people who were involved in such programs. This will give you a good insight into what humans have been capable of for a very long time as operational units within the programs.

252

Reincarnation
With all the evidence for reincarnation thats available you would think everyone on the planet would know the reality of reincarnation rather than thinking of it as an eastern religions concept or purely a flight of fantasy. Once again direct experience and confirmation is the most effective way to know for yourself, while the next effective way would be to read some of the excellent books on souls journeys that have been written based on studies. Even in the Christian traditions there is evidence for reincarnation as an accepted fact. You will have to research this for yourself if you want to know the details, so start with the higher teachings of Catholicism and move on to the historical perception of John the Baptist as a reincarnation of Enoch. So where did the perceptions change? Thinking we only live one quick little moment on this amazing creation called Earth is just as egotistical of us as thinking that life appears only on this dot of a world in the vast universe surrounding it. We know there is far more chance of life being on millions of worlds and that we do not yet know how to detect it. So why would we think in such a confined manner as this about reincarnation? If we were to consider the control mechanisms of governments, monarchs and religions, we would see that it is imperative for them to keep us in the dark so that we are less inclined to confront them and to take back our own power. Historically we have been lied to, we have been manipulated and we have been killed for confronting the official dictates laid before us. It should come as no surprise that few people will stand up to confront these powerful groups. In order for the Christian church to maintain power over us little people they had to find suitable ways to control us so that we do not look

253 outside the box they present to us. We have become so used to this that we no longer look far to find our own answers. It just isnt a comfortable thing to do when it is much easier to tow the line in the first place. Lets take one example of how truth is covered to appear the way those in power want it to look; lets look at Patrick, the Irish Saint. Being called a Saint shows us that he is held in high esteem for converting the pagans of Ireland to the Holy Roman Church. But what is the reality of his converting pagans? As a son of Ireland he left his home shores for Rome. There he worked his way up the ladder to become Father Patricius and then gained support to return to fair old Eire with a couple of Roman Legions under his direct orders. And what did he do with all that power, soldiers and arms? How did he follow the loving teachings of Jesus? He returned home and began a campaign of slaughter; no one was spared, women, children and old folk died at his orders if they did not convert there and then. This is called Conversion at the Sword. His first act was to oppose the laws of Ireland while camped near Tara, the ancient seat of high kingship. He then progressed to desecrating all ancient holy sites and as an act of total, wanton desecration he ordered and saw to the destruction of Irelands holy groves and then their most ancient and revered tree of all, the Great Rowan tree. This tree symbolised the agreement between humans and the beings that lived there before us, the Tuatha de danaan. Yet hardly any Irish folk today would know that he was a complete mongrel, egotistical, and a murderously insane fundamentalist. Why is this so? Because the church simply took its time covering the truth with a veneer of holiness, as it has always done. Now we apply this veneering to the concept of reincarnation and we can understand that the church had everything to lose if it did not control what we believed. How

254 could it keep us seeing ourselves as insignificant and in constant need of redemption if we knew that we lived many thousands of lives here? How could its God be seen as the allpowerful and vengeful Lord if we knew god to be such a loving thing that supported us in those thousands of lives to provide it with experience of its capabilities? How would the church survive if we knew that we already had eternal life, just as Jesus did? The answers to these questions are simple. Most people in olden times could not read or write to save themselves, so it was a simple matter for the church to use its priests to tell the people what God expected of them, to tell the people what God says about reality, etc. This was the easiest way to keep control; tell the people what you want them to believe and say it is Gods will! Furthermore, the church told us that god would hate us if we looked at the old ways; he would smite us down if we so much as pondered the bigger questions or thought about the possibility of anything else except what the church told us to believe. And so the control mechanisms of those times has provided the church with all the power it has needed these past 2,000 years; to the point that even today very few people ever look outside its box or so much as question the most obvious discrepancies! Why reincarnation? It is the most effective means to have experiences and since there are so very many experiences to have in life, we need to have many lives here in order to help ourselves to every experience. Lets not forget that each person experiences the same thing in different ways, and so each of us will choose to have all experiences available. Why do we do this? We do this so that the universe/god/awareness can have the experience of all its possibilities; to know itself through us, its creations. The mechanics of reincarnation are fairly simple. At the Akashic Record we revue our most recent life before planning out our next one. We have assistance from our mentors (guides

255 and helpers) to make the most suitable choices to reflect our desire for experience. We also make agreements with others to bring each other more experiences. These agreements are played out as Karma. Although Karma will also include the choices we make during lives. Once we have decided on the basic life-course we wish to experience, including the agreements with others, we then diversify into smaller portions to slow down the vibration so that it can fit into the 3D solid. The next thing you know you are being born again, having your memory suppressed, again, so that you will forget all that you knew to that point. And by this time you are sometimes within the body and sometimes you remain outside the body as it is a most uncomfortable thing to be stuck in. This is also one reason why we have astral-travel experience during the night, so that we can reconnect and be aware outside the dense physical body. Perhaps this is more a safety-valve type of activity than a spiritual activity since after all; we are only using one of the subtle energy bodies to astral travel. Reincarnation is what we agreed to here, and elsewhere for that matter. We chose it and agreed to its mechanics, rules and stipulations just so we could have existence in this 3Dworld. And isnt it a beautiful place to exist? Apart from the difficulties of life in the world as a human being, this is a truly amazing world that is so full of beauty and potential that we want to come back, even when we dont need to anymore. So dont be fooled by those people who say, I know this is my last life, because their ego is saying that to show you how much more spiritual than you they really think they are! For me, these are some of the facts. We choose to be here and agreed to all the limitations of 3D life. We chose to be here a very long time ago and we did so knowing that we could be here for rounds of thousands of lives. We will choose to be

256 here for many more lives, no matter what your ego has to say about it. We have all been here before, so there are no old and new souls; that too is an ego trip to think of your-self as an Old Soul. Many of us existing here today were here the last time the earth went through this current phase of quick-changes and we most probably failed at our missions; so we are here to do it over again. You know who you are; you have felt it since you were very little kids in this life. Even after you do move on from this world (ascend), you will choose to experience other realms, worlds and existences that become available to you and some of those may be greater or lesser than what you experience here. At least for a time you will remember the immense and wonderful being you are before you choose incarnation again in a world. You are truly beautiful, even if you dont believe it about yourself.

257

Soul Mates
There is as much misconception about soul mates as there is about Karma. Most people like to think of soul mates as being the one person who they must find and have a loving relationship with in this life. The truth is a far cry from this perception. Although we cannot discount that we can have loving relationships with a soul mate. In reality, we have a number of beings with which we have these soul mate connections. Each of them has a different agreement to work out with us, so a soul mate can be the person who you had a dreadful relationship with but learned not to give your power away to. They can be anyone you meet in your life, yet they do not have to be incarnate at this time! Most of them will come in and out of your life if they are incarnate this time, so with each you will have an interesting time even if it isnt the best of times. So we need to alter our perception of what a soul mate is. As a Soul, you have made many friends and some of these you might even prefer to incarnate with at regular intervals. So in a sense we could say the word mates is not that different to the Australian concept of the word, which is friendship! While we would like to meet our soul mates and we think that they should be like this and that, it is we who hold the misconception about it. They do not have to be any way. They only have to be what they chose to be for their incarnation and we do not have the right to judge them if they do not live up to our standards. We only need to accept that anyone we meet can be a soul mate. At the same time though, we will meet people who we feel like we have known for ages, and these people can be a soul-friend. The reason we feel so strongly about them is

258 because the energy inside you and the energy inside them will resonate with recognition. If we listen to this recognition and not think it has to be the way we want it to be, then we can more easily accept the experiences that they help to bring for us. If you do find a soul mate, do not think that all has to be bliss, because you will be fooling yourself with that perception. A soul mate can be anyone, even the people you are not attracted to! There is no rule to say that they must be anything you think they should be, and so you must not have expectations regarding them. If you allow them to be recognised then you can work through the agreements you have with them and after that you may not see them again until you have left your current body for good. So do not place so many rocks and blocks in your path by only accepting that soul mates have to be this way or that. I have met three soul friends in this life. One I instantly knew was a Soul Mate. And I knew she was from the moment I saw her as I recognised the intense feeling. She was a soul mate in the traditional sense of the word, but I was still young and silly, so I did not behave in a way that would have allowed for us to be together for long. This was due to issues I had brought into this life as part of my agreements. The next came into my life thirty years later, and I was aware that she would be in my life, soon. Soon is also a concept that has no reality base in our world. We could say that spiritual time ruins differently to worldly time! This one was a woman who I felt the recognition with immediately, but had to wait seven years before we could try to be together. Funnily enough, she had issues that I had difficulty working through, and with my own issues coming to a head I was easily distracted to the point that I walked away from her before we really got going. The last was the one I mentioned earlier about the past life misperception and the problems it caused, although I recognised very early that this was not meant to be a love relationship. So now I am happy to be without a

259 partner as I allow the universe to show me the next one I have an agreement with to be soul-mates. Simply put, you do have soul mates. But they are usually not what we think they will or should be. So let go of your misperceptions about soul mates and allow the universe to provide these beings as it sees fit, and as it fits with the agreements you all made before incarnating. If you do have a loving relationship with a soul mate that is not helping you to grow in some form, then you are not seeing the agreements clearly and need to clear the thoughts you hold onto. This will be a gift for you even if you do not think it is at the time.

260

Remember.
A true master is not the one with the most students, but one who creates the most masters. - The New Revelations, by Neale Donald Walsch Sometimes we all too easily forget the things we have learned or remembered, in our day to day lives and in our spiritual endeavors. It seems like there is so much to remember in every second of every day for us to be able to flow through the day with Awareness. Being aware is one of the things to remember. Being in the now moment is another, as is trying to be aware of the decisions we make in each of those moments, then also remembering that we are the ones who are in control of the way we behave or respond to all of those inputs and choices made. Its just so very confusing to try and remember it all when we are required to focus our attention on our daily life tasks as well. I put myself into a spin over the massive amounts of things to remember, it was too much. So I had to find a way around that blockage, which brought me to this little series of awarenesss. All you can really control in your present life is what you do, how you respond to input and stress, instead of reacting to things you can choose how you will act. Many times all that is needed to help you not re-act is to take a split second to stop and breathe, before choosing what you will do, no matter how you are feeling at the time. Remember, all you can control is what you do. It has been said a million or more times in the new-age industry, and it bears repeating here also, you are Spirit/Soul having a human experience, not a human having the occasional spiritual experience. It is important to remember this as often as possible in your day, as it puts things back into perspective for us. This perspective is so we do not continue to be led blindly by

261 Belief-Systems and Indoctrinations that really do confine us and then effect what we can achieve in this life. Think bigger, outside the square, and see how You exist outside of that square already. You are a huge Soul partially squeezed into that little human body, so the body is the least part of you. Yet without that human body you will not experience all that you chose, as the Soul you are, to experience this lifetime. Remember, you are Soul. Only a part of you is in your human body. Youll hear the terms new soul and especially old soul used a lot these days, as if it denotes someone who is more spiritually advanced. Usually in the same sentence you will hear how this person is so spiritual. This is not the case. No-one is any more spiritual than any other. We are all equal souls and spirit from the beginning. If there is a difference, it is only that one person may be more awake to their higher-awareness, or as is the case also, maybe not. Remember, we are all equal Souls. Now comes one of the hardest things to get the mind around. We spend so much of our life making judgements about so many things, this is good or bad, this is not right, it should be, and so on. Those value judgements are made from the human perspective only and really do not have a legitimate place here. Experience your own higher awareness beyond Duality and you realize that good and bad are not natural states for anything, they do not exist outside of Duality. As strange as that may sound, it is true. In our lower awareness levels we make such judgements so very often in each day, yet in our higher Soul level awareness we know that such values do not really exist, and, that part of our growth is about coming to realize we are slowly moving beyond Duality as a confined reality.

262 Remember, value judgements of good and bad mean nothing outside of this Duality! It is only Experience on offer. One of the biggest hurdles we can have on our walk in this life is our Expectations. It has been said that we do not have the right to expect our next breath. This is correct too. So if we cannot even expect that little thing we take for granted (breathing), then how can we expect anything? Expectations are hard to remove from our system, especially in relation to spiritual growth. Many people have expectations on what can and cant be experienced by themselves and others. I can tell you this, the only thing that can prevent you from experiencing anything that the soul you are included as choices in this life, is what you Expect and Believe about it. So in your spiritual practices, do so without expectations that will limit what you can experience. Remember, the only limitations to what you can experience of your soul awareness, is what you believe about it. The Darkness is now prevalent upon our little world and it does have fingers in every thing, including the new-age industry, that are designed to waylay you from real growth and awareness. This agenda is embedded now in many places including some Forums, Churches, teachers and such things. It is just the way of it for now, as the Bible mentioned, there will be many false prophets in the last days. They are now. In nine years I met many who seem to be working the Light but are really pawns of the Darkness, and dont even know it themselves! So how are we supposed to deal with it? You could fight it but that leads you to nowhere. You could accept that this is so and simply work along your own path with awareness of the real situation. By doing so you will come to appreciate the lessons or remembering that the Darkness will provide. Then of

263 course you could simply love it for the service it is providing you and the rest of us here. Love is the key, once you understand the situation and can still find real Love within you for the Darkness, then you have grown beyond measure towards true Balance. Remember, Love really is the answer. Unconditional Loving Energy as opposed to love. Light and love are only half the equation. Please do not limit yourself by seeking only these two characteristics. Real growth and Balance is obtained from shining the Light into your own darkness and accepting what you find as a part of You. The Soul you are beyond the confined Astral levels is attuned to all that is, and never would it shun Darkness in favour of Light only, for that is an unbalanced approach. Remember, to be whole and Balanced here means to accept all that you are, even your own darkness, to love it as yours, and then choose how you will use the whole you. So many of us are conditioned into thinking we are so very insignificant in the bigger schemes. And Im here to tell you this is very incorrect. This perception of insignificance was brought about over long histories, by those who have wanted to CONTROL YOU. Those in Power here cannot allow you to wake up to the highly significant being that you are, because they then cannot control you. Each and every Soul that volunteered for the life-cycles to this world we call Earth are important to the outcomes of those missions. Each of you is very important, even in the bigger picture, without you the Creative Awareness (god) cannot fulfil its own growth needs through your experiences. It is a two-way street, even if you dont feel like it is. Remember, You are very important.

264 Many people have felt throughout their lives, this time that they are special in some way. They are. Unfortunately most have been minimized by the Belief-System Addictions of others around them, and by the social imperatives that force us to become homogenised little non-thinkers. This is Slavery! And it too is about controlling you, so that you do not wake up, but instead spend effort on trying to fit-in to a society that really doesnt take kindly to those who are on special missions for this life. Remember, everyone is Special. And those who have special tasks for this lifes mission really are special. Spiritual growth really isnt about rituals or seeking answers from Psychics and Mediums on a regular basis, as this too is taking your Power away from you. All anyone needs to grow towards a more spiritual outlook is to find their own memories. And there are many ways to do this, so there isnt only One Way. All roads lead to Rome, and as the ancients said, there are many paths to god. All lives ended, return you to awareness of the ocean of Spirit, so there are millions of ways to grow. Do not confine yourself by choosing to limit what ways will or can work for you. All ways are valid for growth. There are many people who will gladly share methods for you to reach your memories of what you really are and how you come to be here in this body NOW. Remember, never name the well you wont drink from, because one day you will have to drink from it to survive and grow further. In this day and age, there are so many things available to us to help in our growth. Tarot cards, Runes, Energy exercises, books, etc, are all things we can use to aid us in our growth and that of others when it is required. But, do not get caught in

265 thinking that these things are the ultimate means to growth. They are only TOOLS for growth, not the only means we will grow by. Remember, we have tools to use until we do not need them any longer. Ive been told at times that if I think about the earth cleansing changes which are approaching, I will make them happen. While this is standard for such thinking processes and the Theory that what we think we then create, it makes no allowance for what the Earth itself does on a natural cycle. Just as the Theory makes no allowance for the choices others around us make. It is essentially a way to blindfold ourselves to the reality we all face right now. Even if the physical changes dont happen, we will still choke mankind off the planet in one way or the other. I am not saying we should all adhere to the doom and gloom perceptions of Global change. What I am saying is, we need to accept that the Earth does these things as a natural part of her own evolution, a part of her own physical cycles, and we best understand how that impacts upon us, how we intend to continue the species beyond such events. Turn that bleak doom and gloom into a positive, by accepting the reality around us that we can see now, and making some clear decisions for the future we Intend. Ancient cultures left us reminders in their tales and myths of when and what things happen when the Earth is in this part of its cycle, which proves that humans can and have survived before. Remember, there is nothing so blind as those who will not see. It seems that all spiritual growth, no matter what beliefsystem is being used for it, is thought to be about speeding up the time we have to be here. Striving to end the incarnations so we can Ascend, either to heaven or another variant of it.

266 Why? Is the only reason we are here in the first place, to get out of here as soon as possible by earning the awareness ticket Home? Maybe the grand scheme of things is much grander than that? Maybe, our spiritual growth is more about reaching that very same awareness of Soul, and then being that here and now in the world? Imagine what could be achieved here, what incredible opportunities would open up on this world. Perhaps this is what the increased growth from 3D to 5D is really about. Remember, growth comes in its own time, in its own way. Naturally we will expect it to be different.