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A Collection of Jokes and Humor

A Collection of Jokes and Humor

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Published by ru69rager

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Published by: ru69rager on Oct 25, 2011
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09/22/2013

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A Collection of Jokes and Humor
Compliments of the Seeds of Joy
Newsletter of the Art of Inner Explorationwww.awakeningpath.com
 
Like to laugh?Here are some of the funniest jokes and stories you can find. Compiledby a "serious" and discriminating humorist, these are the "best of thebest." No off-color jokes here. These are simply good, clean fun.Enjoy!
Awakening PathThe Art of Inner Exploration
Please visit us atwww.awakeningpath.com/newsOr email:seedsofjoy@awakeningpath.com
2500 Broadway, Suite B, #250Grand Junction, CO 81503
Like this book? Please feel free to tell your friends, familyand colleagues.Note: you must be connected to the Internet)
 
 
 Where Is God?The Zen MasterBeethoven's Ninth 
 The Atheist and the Loch Ness MonsterThe Catholic FishYou Know You've Been Online Too Long When... 
 Scientists and GodThe Pope's Golf GameArmy of the Lord 
 Mahatma GhandiBuddhist Monks and the Prayer FlagEarl and His Friends 
 Holmes and WatsonVan Goghs' RelativesCatching A Unique Rabbit 
 Moses' ThreesomeJesus and Satans' ContestPanda Joke 
 Jesus at the Pearly GatesThe Pope and the TrooperChess At The Hotel 
 The Indian Chief Predicts the WeatherCanadians and Americans Avoid a Naval BattleA Yankee and a Texas Nativity 
 You Can't Take It With YouYou're Not a MonkAlligator Shoes 
 Three Ministers and a PriestSpeeding TicketTwo Moose HuntersA Real-Life Sherlock Holmes 
 Watch Out for BearsJumping Off The Empire State BuildingWrong AddressBumper Stickers 
 An Elderly Lady Asserts HerselfSecretary's Y2K Memo to the BossKeeping The FaithThe African Chief and His Throne 
 Evil BrothersCall The DoctorThe Hamster and the FrogWindows Error Messages in Japan 
 The Voice of God SpeaksKids and GodCar Names ExplainedGems from Douglas Adams 
 Rules of the AirNew Words in the DictionaryThe Resuscitated RabbitThink Again 
 Two Monks Have An IdeaThe Fire TruckA Ghost StoryBeethoven Backwards 
 Setting Telephone PolesJerks of the HighwayACTUAL QUOTES FROM ACTUAL PRODUCTS 
 Flying Over The FireThe Clergyman and the DogThe Psychologist Testifies (Almost)Quotes on the Nature of the Universe 
 Compiling a Family HistoryA Child's PerspectiveThe Birthday ParrotThe Elderly Vultures 
 Big Jake's Coming!Good Luck, Mr. GorskyA "Dear Mom" Letter 
Table Of Contents
Just click on a page numberand you’ll go right there!
 
 
Where Is God?
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who wereexcessively mischievous. They were always getting intotrouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurredin their town, their sons were probably involved.They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had beensuccessful in disciplining children, so she asked if he wouldspeak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked tosee them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-oldfirst, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergy-man in the afternoon.The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat theyounger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. Sothe clergyman repeated the question in an even sternertone, "Where is God!!?"Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergy-man raised his voice even more and shook his finger in theboy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directlyhome and dove into his closet, slamming the door behindhim. When his older brother found him in the closet, heasked, "What happened?"The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are inBIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they thinkWE did it!
The Zen Master
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. Hegoes up to a hotdog vendor and says, "Please make meone with everything."The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the ZenMaster, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill inthe cash box and closes it."Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.The vendor responds, "Change must come from within." 
Beethoven's Ninth
The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth.In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutesduring which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Ratherthan sit around the whole time looking stupid, somebassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavernnext door for a quick one.After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bassviolinists are prone to do), one of them looked at his watch."Hey! We need to get back!""No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought wemight need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages ofthe conductor's score together with string. It'll take him afew minutes to get it untangled."A few moments later they staggered back to the concerthall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time,a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed abit edgy and said as much to her companion."Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It'sthe bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassistsare loaded."
 

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