Where Is God?
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who wereexcessively mischievous. They were always getting intotrouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurredin their town, their sons were probably involved.They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had beensuccessful in disciplining children, so she asked if he wouldspeak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked tosee them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-oldfirst, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergy-man in the afternoon.The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat theyounger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. Sothe clergyman repeated the question in an even sternertone, "Where is God!!?"Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergy-man raised his voice even more and shook his finger in theboy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directlyhome and dove into his closet, slamming the door behindhim. When his older brother found him in the closet, heasked, "What happened?"The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are inBIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they thinkWE did it!
The Zen Master
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. Hegoes up to a hotdog vendor and says, "Please make meone with everything."The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the ZenMaster, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill inthe cash box and closes it."Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth.In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutesduring which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Ratherthan sit around the whole time looking stupid, somebassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavernnext door for a quick one.After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bassviolinists are prone to do), one of them looked at his watch."Hey! We need to get back!""No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought wemight need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages ofthe conductor's score together with string. It'll take him afew minutes to get it untangled."A few moments later they staggered back to the concerthall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time,a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed abit edgy and said as much to her companion."Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It'sthe bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassistsare loaded."