Screenplay by : Sarah Parriott & Josann McGibbon
FADE INEXT. AN IMPOSSIBLE EXPANSE OF MARYLAND FARMLAND - DAYThe wind rustles the endless field of corn, blows over the freshly mown meadow ofsoybeans, & magically sways a copse of trees.It's a Fall after-noon. A SUDDEN POUNDING OF GALLOPING HOOVES breaks the peace&... A HORSE & RIDER burst between the rows of corn into the meadow. They arerunning for their lives.CLOSE ON:The rider is a bride -- a beautiful woman dressed in a disheveled wedding gown,it's train tattered & flying like a knight's banner out behind her. This is MAGGIECARPENTER. The horse is frothing & wild-eyed, like the bride, who turns to lookbehind her in terror. The horse's labored breathing mingles with Maggie'spanicked gasps. We see a WEDDING BOUQUET fly into a ditch as the horse thunderson. Maggie clings to the reins. She looks as though she is running from thedevil himself.FADE TO BLACKEXT. IKE'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAYEstablishing.CUT TO:EXT. IKE'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING SHOTEXT. NEW YORK STREET - DAYIKE (V.O.)Hey, Fisher, pick up. I have some column ideas I want to bounce off you.Not there? Okay. Listen I'm thinking of writing about those mind-numbinginformercials that are always on.Ike walks out of his apartment building talking on cell phone.IKE (cont'd)What do you think? Good idea, right?Boring, down to death, pointless -- It sucks.Ike yells at a CONSTRUCTION WORKER.IKE (cont'd)If you guys are here any longer, they're gonna make you sign a lease.CONSTRUCTION WORKERYour column should be so funny.Ike turns & walks down the street, talking into cell phone.