Like a Leaping Salmon Swimming Upstream

I entered her my rst experience of an ecstasy complete after clumsy groping after bits and pieces. A revelation and a transport so elemental. An intoxication supreme. Everything else no longer mattered. Here, consummation and completion beckoned, an end to all the tasks; to carry seed, and nd this one to take it. No room for doubts, or fears, or complications. A clarity emanating from the juncture of my loins with hers. is moment followed by weeks of worry, certainty collapsed by the weight of consequences, ill-conceived and half-imagined.

Followed by repentance and relief shadowed by shame at callow cowardice. Her opening more complete than mine. Her physical maturity grounding her as my lagging growth and overpowering desire struggled with aection, and a kind of promise I could not but fear. It did not make a man of me. She, so young, already a woman. But it did mark the end of my childhood, this rst blow at my great wall of Ego. Her Gift, I squandered, has been my rst and greatest hit struck in my life for the sake of my humility. A Gift I can no longer repay, but only hope to pass-on somehow.

Like a Leaping Salmon Swimming Upstream

In her I met her as leaping Salmon swimming upstream, jumping falls and thrusting ahead in a glory of completion. Her life, for all its troubles, over now, her promise did nd a home. Swift with decision aware of lifes brief span, she lived, while I was caught in equivocation. Her Gift remained, her Joy remembered, leaping like a Salmon swimming upstream.

Antonio Dias 11.10.11